Monday, 16 July 2018

Week 47 - It's the late late Grambler show


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Hello folks. You must be wondering what happened to your weekly dose of random gramblings (or grandom ramblings if you prefer), well, there is a very good reason for this week’s late late posting. I wanted to include the biggest story of the week?

What could that be, I hear you ask. Could it be England’s footy team reaching the semi-final of the World Cup before anyone rumbled that they were pretty useless? Nope. Not a big enough story.

Could it be the story of Donald Fart visiting Britain to a rapturous welcome? [Do I detect a touch of sarcasm? - Ed.] Well, Mr Fart thinks that everyone in the UK, Ireland and Scotland (his geography mixup, not mine) likes him a lot. That was obvious by the warm welcome of a re-worded version of Hey Baby Ooh! Ahh! Hopefully, anyone reading this who doesn’t approve of swearing [Surely, nobody. - Ed.] won’t be able to make out that last word of the chant.

Anyway, that’s still not the biggest story of the week.

The biggest story was that the annual Tea for Stewart took place on Saturday.

This was the fifth such event run by Mrs G. Normally, she holds the afternoon tea in our back garden with four sittings of 25 or so people at each. Last year, however, it was becoming a little too successful, with 43 people being present at one of the sittings. She felt that this year, although she didn’t want to lose the garden party atmosphere, a different venue had to be considered.

Other factors also had to be taken into account apart from the large number of folk attending. What if the weather was foul? We already had to put gazebos up to shelter folk from the odd wee shower, but what if the whole thing had to be moved indoors? While my garden might be just about large enough to take 43 people, my living room certainly isn’t.

We already had to borrow boxes of cups and saucers from our local church, as well as several large tables. Those tables were huge, as well. We had to enlist the help of somebody with a very large estate car to transport them. Also, we borrowed a gazebo from the church... Hang on a mo... Why are we carting all this heavy stuff from the church? Why not actually hold the event in the church and be done with it?

So, this year, that is exactly what we did.

Apart from not being able to sit out in the open air, there were no drawbacks to the plan. In fact, there were plenty of advantages. The church hall could comfortably seat 96 people, so Mrs G could have just two sittings, instead of the previous four. The church kitchen is bigger than that in our wee hoose, so more space to make up sarnies. It was the perfect solution.

Yep. Perfect. What could possibly go wrong?

120 people turning up for the first sitting, that’s what. Attendance is regulated by Mrs G who had a list of those planning to come to each sitting. She knew of about 80 for the first sitting. 120? How could she have got it so wrong? 50% more than expected? What she hadn’t, and couldn’t have, accounted for were those folk who had told her weeks ago that they ‘might make it’ but had never contacted her to say they were definitely coming. Nor could she have considered those that said they were coming with a friend but actually turned up with three friends. There were also those who had changed their minds about which sitting they would go to and, instead of coming along at 4.00pm came to the 1.30 session. Arrrggghhh!

Then there were those who simply turned up because they had heard about something taking place in the church. This was brought home to Mrs G when she spotted a woman sitting by herself. Mrs G didn’t know the woman and the woman didn’t know who Mrs G was or why she was raising money for the Bobby Moore Fund. When Mrs G explained about it being a Tea for Stewart, the woman hadn’t even heard of Stewart or our reason for holding the event. Double Arrrggghhh!

Thankfully, we managed to cram everyone into the hall and all those present enjoyed some fine victuals.

Just how successful was this year’s event? Well, two years ago, a terrific total of £1456 was raised. Last year, an even better total of £1920 found its way to the fund. This year? Are you ready for this? The total amount raised for the Bobby Moore Fund is...
 

£2156
 

... and counting.

Terrific or what?

You can see how our fundraising is progressing at the Justgiving page already quoted... https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3. If you are feeling generous and wish to donate to the fund, please do. Every penny raised goes straight to the Bobby Moore Fund to help in the research for better treatments and, one day perhaps, a cure to the b*st*rd*ng horrible disease that is bowel cancer.

I like to think that Stewart (the founder of this wonderful blog) would be pleased that we are doing our bit by raising funds for the charity which he said was close to his heart and his bowels.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 14th of July? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Gustav Klimt... I said Klimt... 1862 (Symbolist painter. His 1907 portrait Adele Bloch-Bauer I sold in 2006 for $135 million; the highest price paid for any painting at that time. $135 million?! It’s a fn painting, that’s all! The words sense, money and more come to mind.), Dave Fleischer 1894 (Animator.), Gerald Finzi 1901 (Composer. Time for a clip? Why not. Here’s Eclogue for piano and strings. A wee bit of cult’yur fur yeez therr.), George Tobias 1901 (Ectaw. Abner Kravitz in Bewitched. That was him.), Irving Stone 1903 (Orfer. Wrote Lust for Life. [What, the Iggy Pop song? - Ed.]), William Hanna 1910 (Animator.), Woody Guthrie 1912 (Singer/songwriter. Another clip? Here’s his best-known toon. [I had a woody guthrie once. Very painful. - Ed.]), Gerald Ford 1913 (President of the good ol’ U. S. of A. At the time, was considered to be a bit dim... then came Reagan, and Dubya and Trump. In retrospect, Ford looks like a genius.), Ingmar Bergman 1918 (Film director.), Dale Robertson 1923 (Ectaw. Ben Calhoun in The Iron Horse. That was him.), Harry Dean Stanton 1926 (Ectaw. In a career lasting 60 years appeared in over 100 fims.), William Rees-Mogg 1928 (The cat in the Meg and Mogg books.), Sue Lawley 1946 (TV presenter. She had a song written especially for her. ), Bruce Oldfield 1950 (Mike’s dad. Not really. Makes clothes.), Kyle Gass 1960 (A bit of Tenacious D. Another clip, methinks. Time for a tribute.), Howard Webb 1971 (Footy referee.) and David Mitchell 1974 (Comedy bloke.).
 
Dib, dib... urmm... dib.
 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? Rubbish. Not a penny back.

There is no bet this week as we are so late with the posting, so The Grambler can rest his/her/its processor.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you how many times have all four semi-finalists been from Europe. The answer, including this year’s competition, is five times. For a bonus, I asked you, prior to this years competition, when was the last occasion it had happened. The answer to that part was 2006 when Italy beat France in the final; a final that was overshadowed by this incident as Zinedine Zidane scuppers his team’s chances of winning.

One for this week? As I write this, the World Cup is over with France beating Croatia 4-2 to win the final. This tournament’s golden boot winner, Michael Caine, received his award having scored fewer goals than the recipient who scored the most goals ever en route to collecting the trophy. Your teaser is, who was that man and how many goals did he score?

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to birthday celebrant Mr D. Mitchell and his (occasional) comedy partner Mr R. Webb who provide us with our finishing clip. Please enjoy my favourite sketch from That Mitchell and Webb Look...  Are we the baddies?

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 7 July 2018

Week 46 - The Grambler on the unkindest cut of all


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

It has been announced that, in an effort to save money, the NHS in England will no longer be carrying out unnecessary or ineffective operations. Good. I'm all for that. What is the point in having an operation that fits into either of these categories? One of those mentioned was breast reduction or augmentation. So again I say good. No more of these sex change ops on the NHS, then. All financed by us tax payers. Don't get me started.

However, some of those ops on the list are not, to my simple mind, unnecessary. One that was listed was removal of tonsils. I recall a child who aged less than ten had suffered from sore throats for years and eventually, the only solution was deemed to be an operation. Hey presto. No more sore throats. The operation proved to be both effective and necessary.

Another blacklisted operation is for carpal tunnel syndrome, or repetitive strain injury. This is a painful condition that I have myself suffered from. It is horrible. I found it impossible to sleep when I had it. Eventually, I was given an op to alleviate the problem and, hey presto once again, no more pain. Definitely another effective and necessary op in my book.

Okay, the list is qualified by the suggestion that these ops would still be carried out of there was absolutely no alternative.

Some operations make me wonder though. How about alteration to the nasal cavity to prevent snoring? Seriously. That is a procedure that is currently available. Apparently, it doesn't work.

Another procedure is for the removal of facial blemishes. Honestly, I'm not making these up.

To my mind, anything that is carried out for cosmetic reasons or where there is a problem that is not causing actual pain should be the ones that should be on the ‘now not allowed’ list. And the list should also include those procedures that can lead to complications at a later time; breast implants and gastric bands are just two examples I can think of.

Talking of breast matters. The other week I saw an elderly lady sitting in a cafe having a cup of tea and a cake with a friend. [Really? How interesting. Yawn. - Ed.] Okay, there is nothing odd about that. What I couldn't help noticing was that the lady had had one breast removed. She didn't try to hide the fact that she was distinctly lop sided. And she certainly didn't appear to be the type that was doing this to make some kind of statement. Instead, it seemed that she was comfortable with her shape and was continuing with life despite having had major surgery. Good for her, I say... and I don't mean to sound patronising by saying that. I honestly believe that she is right to avoid disguising what has happened to her; so refreshing in an age when appearance is perceived to be so important.

Apparently, the secret of good writing is to ensure that you stick with the topic and don't wander from one subject to another for no reason.

I saw a boxer the other day. The canine variety, not the bloke who commits assault and battery for a living. There was something very odd about this animal and it took me a while to work out what it was... It had a tail. That was why it looked unusual. I don't think I have ever seen a boxer without a docked (chopped off) tail before. It was the first time I have noticed an example of this breed that hadn't been cruelly mutilated.

On reading into the subject, I realised that it must have been a long time indeed since I had seen a boxer. The practice of docking tails and clipping ears, that is a procedure to force lop ears to stick up, has been banned in this country for well over ten years.

Possibly, I hadn't seen a long tailed dog because there is another suspect practice among dog breeders of breeding deformities into a particular type of dog. So it is quite possible that I have seen boxers over recent years, but they have a bob tail deformity bred into them.

Basically, it is genetic engineering.

Any road up, the practice of surgically altering a dog's appearance for supposedly aesthetic reasons is now banned because it is considered to be cruel to the animal.

A victory for common sense. Yay! Well done common sense.

Now then, let's head back to our original topic. [I wondered if there might be an explanation. - Ed.] If an unnecessary procedure on an animal has been banned for its barbarity, why is something even more barbaric and totally unnecessary still allowed for our own species?

What am I talking about? It’s an operation which wasn’t on the ‘now not allowed’ list. It bl**dy well should be, though. Circumcision, that's what I’m talking about. The unkindest cut of all, as Spike Milligan put it. I mean, cutting off part of a boy’s.... It brings tears to the eyes just thinking about it. How utterly cruel is that? There is absolutely no reason to carry out such an operation and to allow it to be done on religious grounds is the worst excuse in my book. Often, it is a procedure performed on babies only weeks old. Often, it can go horribly wrong. It is mutilation pure and simple. Why? Why is it still allowed in a so-called enlightened society?

I'll end by paraphrasing Billy Connolly and his query about why anyone would ever think to milk a cow... Who was the first person to carry out a circumcision and what on earth did he think he was doing?

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 7th of July? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Gustav Mahler 1860 (Composer. Here is, perhaps, his most famous piece.  A bit of cult’yur fur yeez there.), George Cukor 1899 (Film director.), Gian Carlo Menotti 1911 (Composer. Here is our second clip of the week: a bit of Amahl and the Night Visitors. Mair cult’yur fur yeez.  [Amahl?  Wasn't he the singer with Kajagoogoo? - Ed.]), Jon Pertwee 1919 (Third incarnation of The Doctor.), Mary Ford 1924 (Mrs Les Paul. Here they are on Mockingbird Hill.), Hamish MacInnes 1930 (Mountaineer. [Don’t talk daft. Mountains don’t have ears. - Ed.]), Jo Siffert 1936 (Racey car bloke.), Ringo Starr 1940 (A Beatle. Cue Barry Cryer joke... ‘Ringo, eh? He wasn’t the best drummer in the world... He wasn’t even the best drummer in the Beatles.’  Have another clip.  Should have stuck to the drums son.), Michael Howard 1941 (Politician.), Tony Jacklin 1944 (Golfy bloke.), Glenys Kinnock 1944 (Politician’s missus.), Michael Ancram 1945 (Politician.), Shelley Duvall 1949 (Actress.) and Jeremy Kyle 1965 (TV bully.).
 
The best drummer?  Maybe.
The best singer?  Nah.
 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? Not too badly. We got a return of £5.96. Four out of five gee gees won. Yay! Can The Grambler do it again? Or could he/she/it even improve on it? [Don’t talk daft. - Ed.]

What has he/she/it come up with?

 

Meeting - Time - Horse - Odds

Sandown - 1.30 - Narella - 9/4

Chelmsford - 1.35 - Izvestia - 11/10

Beverley - 2.35 - Thriving - 4/7

Beverley - 4.50 - Winged Spur - 4/5

Leicester - 5.10 - Makambe - 7/4

 

The selections have been made. The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee each way accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£20.90

 

You are having a laugh! £20.90?! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which Spurs player scored a grand total of 28 goals for England. The answer won’t really surprise anyone; it was Jimmy Greaves. He was possibly the unluckiest member of the England squad that won the World Cup in 1966.

In the group stages England were drawn against Uruguay, Mexico and France with all of the games to be played at Wembley. England won the group and Jimmy Greaves started all three games. He failed to score and in the final group game, a win over France, he sustained a cut on his shin which required 14 stitches and forced him to miss the quarter-final tie against Argentina.

Geoff Hurst came into the team and scored the only goal of the game. With Greaves still out, Hurst retained his place in the semi-final win over Portugal. Jimmy Greaves was fit to play in the Final and Alf Ramsey had a decision to make. The manager opted for Hurst and with no substitutes, Jimmy Greaves was left sitting on the sidelines among the reserves.

One for this week? If you have been following the World Cup, you will be aware that all the semi-finals teams are European. Here is this week’s teaser... How many times have all four semi-finalists been from Europe? For a bonus, prior to this years competition, when was the last occasion it happened? A good one to start a discussion down the pub.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, in a week where our birthday honours include two politicians and the wife of former Labour leader Neil Kinnock, I am indebted to a Messrs Howard and Paxman for our finishing clip.

Politicians are known for their ability to ‘twist’ information to suit their own requirements. They often refuse to answer tricky questions. Here is birthday boy Michael Howard famously evading the question put by Jeremy Paxman.

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 30 June 2018

Week 45 - The Grambler and a sex change


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

There was an article on the news last week concerning a legal case in the high court.  When I say say high court, I mean the highest (and probably most expensive) court in Britain.  This is the place where high profile murder cases and the like get heard.   All the really important, serious trials take place there.

The case I am referring to?  Someone who has had a sex change wants to be able to put gender neutral on their passport instead of male or female.  Sorry pardon excuse me?  That, to me, is the sort of matter that shouldn't go anywhere near a court.  When this person went to a lawyer to ask for a change to the law regarding passports, he/she/it should have been sent packing.  Not surprisingly, a lawyer was quite willing to take on his/her/its case. Who can blame them when there's money to be made?

Also, not surprisingly, the request for a change to the law was thrown out of court.

I don't understand what the person who challenged the law was thinking. If he/she/it has had a sex change, the passport which used to say male would now say female.  You’ve had a sex change. There are two genders.  So, if you were a man and have had ‘surgery’, you are now a woman.  Isn’t that how it works? Apparently, changing that part of a passport is acceptable, though not too easy in practice.  The point is, it can be done. So why the request for a middle sex?  Maybe the sex change operation was botched so badly that it is no longer possible to ascertain what sex someone is meant to be.

On first hearing about the case, I thought that it perhaps concerned someone whose sex could not be determined at birth or a hermaphrodite.  But no, this was someone who had decided that they wanted to be the opposite sex to the one they were at birth.

He/she/it claims that by not being allowed to put gender neutral on their passport, they are being discriminated against.  Yeah, sure.  Well, he/she/it, why would putting an X on your passport, rather than male or female make the slightest bit of difference?

And what does X mean, exactly?  It?  Surely, that is just a way to draw even more attention to yourself. (Don't call me Shirley.)  To me, this whole charade seems very much to be about somebody who wants to do just that... ‘Look at me everyone, I’m different.’

The person who wanted to take the matter to court complains about discrimination.  Listen mate, anyone who is different in any way suffers discrimination.  Nothing will ever change that.  I recall a play about this subject from years ago which was called something like 'If there weren't any blacks, you'd have to invent them'.

Not a particularly politically correct title, admittedly, but it made a sensible point: there are people who just have to be prejudiced; it doesn’t matter who or what they discriminate against, they will always find someone to bully.

By drawing attention to him/her/itself, the person who has brought the matter to court is just setting themselves up perfectly.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 30th of June? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. John Gay 1685 (Happy playwright.), Archibald Frazer-Nash 1889 (Car manufacturer.), Stanley Spencer 1891 (Odd painter. His paintings weren’t particularly odd, but his lifestyle certainly was.), Susan Hayward 1917 (Actress.), Lena Horne 1917 (Singer. A clip? Why soitenly. Here is a song which was a little bit risque in its day.), Mike Smith 1933 (Crickety bloke.), Tony Hatch aka Fred Nightingale aka Mark Anthony (Musician and composer. Soap opera fans will recognise this one and this even older one.), Barry Hines 1939 (Orfer. Wrote A Kestrel for a Knave which he adapted for the Ken Loach film Kes.), Florence Ballard 1943 (A Supreme... It doesn’t say a supreme what, so I can’t help you there. Another clip? Here she is baby babying along to Diana Ross with another of her gravity defying wigs.), Andy Scott 1949 (A bit of Sweet. Have another clip. Here he is in a rather fetching hat.), Stanley Clarke 1951 (A bit of Return to Forever. Another clip, vicar? Have a bit of jehhhzzz fusion.), Esa-Pekka Salonen 1958 (Conductor and composer. Here he is conducting his own piece, Nyx.), Jack McConnell 1960 (Third First minister of Scotland. [Sorry pardon excuse me? - Ed.]), Clive Nolan 1961 (Musician. Here he is on keyboard duties with Pendragon in a bit of prog.), Julianne Regan 1962 (Singer with All About Eve. Here is their most famous toon, Martha's Harbour.), Rupert Graves 1963 (Ectaw.), Yngwie Malmsteen 1963 (Geetarist. Here he is giving it laldy far beyond the sun.), Gary Pallister 1965 (Footy bloke.), Mike Tyson 1966 (Ear muncher.), Ralf Schumacher 1975 (Racey car bloke. Not as famous as his brother.), Katherine Ryan 1983 (Comedian.) and Michael Phelps 1985 (Swimmy bloke.).
 
Archie Frazer-Nash at the wheel of his
racing car... Can't imagine Lewis Hamilton
storming round the Nurburgring with a
pipe stuck in his gob.
 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Lambo,

Thank you for the link to a Supremes song. We thoroughly enjoyed it. However, we recall Phil Collins doing a cover version of one of their biggest hits, but can’t remember which one. Can you help?

Yours,

Hugh Cantor, Ray Love.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? We got a return of just 70 pees as only two of The Grambler’s predictions were right. Do you know what? I’m not even going to suggest a footy bet this week; I’m actually going to demand that The Grambler predicts some gee gee results.

What has he/she/it come up with?

 

Meeting - Time - Horse - Odds

Chester - 1.55 - Beauty Filly - 10/11

Curragh - 4.35 - Van Beethoven - 11/10

Lingfield - 5.40 - Life on Earth - 5/6

Lingfield - 6.15 - Viewpoint - Evens

Doncaster - 7.00 - Tashaabo - 5/6

 
The selections have been made. The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee each way accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£13.44

 

Hmm... even more whopping than the amount we didn’t win a fortnight ago.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which World Cup team (other than England) boasts the most English Premiershit players in its squad. The answer was, of course, Belgium with eleven. They are... deep breath... De Bruyne, Hazard, Courtois, Lukaku, Alderweireld, Kompany, Vertonghen, Dembele, Fellaini, Mignolet and Chadli.

Okay, one for this week.  Harry Kane’s hat trick (if you can call two penalties and a fluke, a hat trick) against Panama this week takes his total of goals scored for his country to 18.  One or two other Tottenham Hotspur players have tucked away a few goals in the past. Kane’s total is pretty good, you might think, but he is way behind the 28 England goals of... which Spurs player?  One to start a discussion down the pub, I think.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Ms K. Ryan, a Canadian comedian who now lives in Britain. It has been said that, though she is Canadian, her humour is very British. See what you think as we finish this week’s (g)ramble with some examples of her wit.

Nobody starts something hoping it will fail – maybe a suicide bombing?

Would you trade you life with a teenage girl’s life? Do you remember what it was like when we had no power, no money, and when we did our own eyebrows? No thank you!

I think I’m a nice girl but my comedy has been described as kind of nasty. They say I’m Joan Rivers but older, and that hurts!

You know that guy who got done for taking a 15-year-old to Paris? Anyone who’s been on holiday with a teenager knows that man deserved a medal, not prison.

Joan Rivers got exactly what she wanted from that final surgery – to stop ageing. Finally she nailed it.

God bless the British panel shows. They’re the reason I eat!

My name is TV’s Katherine Ryan. I used to be an unwelcome surprise on a mixed bill, now I can see that at least a third of you have come to see me on purpose.

I’ve lived in England now for 10 years with my lovely daughter. I love having a British child. It’s like having a tiny and ineffective butler at home.

On what scares her... Primark on a Saturday. The biting and the blood.

On her daughter’s father... He’s a man I loved once. He will always be her dad. I can’t change that – I tried!

On Jurassic Park... The dinosaurs are killing everyone! Why do we keep reopening this park? Who keeps giving us public liability insurance?!

People worry about you when you’re single and a woman. I get letters about being single and a woman. I got a letter from a lady who was very concerned, she said, ‘Katherine we saw you on tour and we’re very concerned that you are single. My brother Ray is also single’. Why am I getting this? Guys don’t get this. Leonardo DiCaprio is mysterious and exciting because he’s single. I bet he doesn’t get letters, ‘My brother Ray is also single!’

I’m just like you. A typical British mum. A young uneducated immigrant. Oh no, my daughter was planned… poorly, so poorly.

And finally...

On Donald Trump... America deserves him as a president.

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday, 22 June 2018

Week 44 - Another World Cup gramble


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

WARNING: This week’s article is offensive to anyone who might consider themselves to be overweight. So if you are a thin-skinned, fat b*st*rd, look away now.

There was an article on tv recently presented by a, how can I put this, large lady. The item concerned the practice of clothes shop proprietors charging more money for larger sizes of clothes. The large reporter described this as a fat tax. Well, I thought, why not? It'll save you spending it on chocolate. Actually, I didn't think that. That was only put in as a joke. Honest. Please don't attack me all you fatties out there in gramblerland.

I am in total agreement with the lady. Why should someone have to pay more for something so essential as clothing? Well, it's essential in our climate.

However, it set me thinking. [Dangerous. - Ed.] Did you know that in some regions of Britain there are as many as 68% of the adult population considered to be seriously overweight? No? Well, there are. One of my gripes in life is seeing people who have no disability doing their best to make themselves disabled. Sorry pardon excuse me? I'm thinking of druggies, smokers, boozers and, yes, obese people. My mantra to all of them is 'give yourself a chance'.

Every one of those I have listed is reducing their chances of living to a ripe old age by introducing poisons into their systems whether it be drugs, nicotine, alcohol or sugar.

Humans do not need any of these things.

To stop people taking drugs, the government has deemed them illegal. Yes, I know it doesn't stop those who are determined enough, but it is at least an acknowledgment that drugs of the recreational variety are wrong. Maybe the politicians should legalise them but whack a huge tax levy on them as happens with cigarettes and alcohol. It won't stop people taking drugs but it would stop the so called drug barons from becoming rich on the proceeds from illegal trading. And think of the extra dosh from the taxation.

However, I began this article by talking of a fat tax. Well, I think foods which are unhealthy should also be taxed to the hilt. None of this mucking about with a paltry 20% vat lark. No, I'm talking about treating choccy bars and cakes the same way as spirits. Did you know that the tax on a 12 quids bottle of whisky is nearly a tenner? Similarly, the tax on an £8.50 packet of fags is nearly seven quids, or 82%.

Think of a bar of chocolate costing 60 pees, currently ten pees of that cost is tax. I suggest that the taxation on such unhealthy products should be the same as booze and fags. Thus, the 60 pees bar of chocolate would cost nearer three nicker. Such taxes could be considered for all unhealthy foods. Would you pay four quid for a small bag of crisps? A tenner for a pack of Mr Kipling French fancies? The same for a bottle of coke? Ditto a bag of sugar?

Incidentally, why is there sugar in a chicken tagliatelli ready meal? Yes, Marks and Spencer, I’m talking to you. Honestly. I don’t know how much was in it, but it tasted decidedly sickly. Not nice. And not necessary.

Sorry about that... Any road up, by taxing sugary things up to the hilt, overnight, we would adjust our eating habits to consuming only the healthiest options.

Ah, you may say, that's all well and good but you would put many companies out of business. I believe not. Most of the makers of unhealthy products also make fairly healthy alternatives. Heavy taxation on unhealthy goods would force the manufacturers to concentrate more effort into producing healthy foods.

Unfair on fatties? Not at all. My punitive taxation plan would make you all think twice about consuming fastening foods. You won't starve. Far from it, you will become a lot thinner and a lot healthier in the process.

Brilliant or what? I have just solved Britain's obesity problem at a stroke. No no, I don't ask for reward. Just look on it as my gift to Britain's fatties.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 23rd of June? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Alfred Kinsey 1894 (Sex maniac.), Edward Albert Christian George Andrew Patrick David aka King Edward VIII aka Duke of Windsor 1894 (The well-known king.), Amedee Gordini 1899 (Racing driver and car maker.), Alan Turing 1912 (Mathetician and code breaker.), Len Hutton 1916 (Crickety bloke.), Irene Worth 1916 (Ectress.), Miriam Karlin 1925 (Ectress. Everybody out!), Bob Fosse 1927 (Dancy bloke.), June Carter Cash 1929 (Singer, songwriter, actress, dancer, comedian and author. In fact, a right old smarty boots. Have a clip. Here’s Tall Lover Man.), Keith Burkinshaw 1935 (Footy bloke.), Adam Faith 1940 (Singer and actor. Another clip? Here is Someone Else's Baby.), Stuart Sutcliffe 1940 (The original bass player in The Beatles.), Bryan Brown 1947 (Strine Ictor.), Colin Montgomerie 1963 (Golfy bloke.), Patrick Vieira 1976 (Homme de football.) and (Ami) Duffy 1984 (Singer. Another clip? Why not. Have mercy... No really. Have Mercy.).
 
Suggs impressionist, Alfred Kinsey...
'Ask me where I keep my toothbrush.'
 
 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Zumba,

There weren’t so many clips as there usually are in these crappy birthday honours lists. However, I was pleased to see that you included a link to a tune by Welsh songstress Duffy, isn’t it. I can only recall her having one other top ten hit, but can’t remember its name. Can you help?

Yours with love and cuddles,

Warwick R. Venue.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? We actually won. Can you believe that? No? Okay, I say won; four out of five predictions came good. £4.10 back from our £2.20 stake. Better than a slap in the mush.

I won’t bore you with match reports. Suffice to say, if Colombia hadn’t conceded a penalty and had a man sent off three minutes into their match against Japan, we could (and indeed should) have had a full house.

Ho hum. So what has the great and powerful Grambler predicted for us this week? Once again, we go with World Cup games and, once again, the times and days are all over the place.

 

Game - Time - Prediction - Odds

South Korea vs Mexico - Saturday 16.00 - Mexico to win - 7/10

Japan vs Senegal - Sunday 16.00 - Senegal to win - 27/20

Iran vs Portugal - Monday 19.00 - Portugal to win - 7/10

Switzerland vs Costa Rica - Wed 19.00 - Switzerland win - 7/10

Japan vs Poland - Thursday 15.00 - Poland to win - 21/20

The selections have been made. Once again, I have to say oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. The Grambler doesn’t rate Japan, does he/she/it? Let’s see how much we could win in the extremely unlikely event that the results go as predicted.

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£11.91

 

Hmm... a bit more whopping than the amount we didn’t win last week.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which Portuguese players, other than Senhor Ronaldo, had scored hat tricks in the World Cup finals. Easy peasy. The answer is Eusebio in a 5-3 victory over South Korea in 1966 and Pauleta in a 4-0 win against Poland in 2002.

One for this week? Here’s another World Cuppy question. Many Premiershit players are in the various squads at the 2018 World Cup finals. Other than England, which team boasts the most English Premiershit players in its squad? Easy peasy.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I was at a complete loss as to how to finish this week’s (g)ramble. Where is the comedian worth quoting in this week’s birthday honours? Nowhere. I thought I could perhaps find some amusing link related to this week’s topic. But how can I poke fun at obesity? I can’t, can I? Can I? [No. Definitely not. You’ve upset enough people already. - Ed.]

I know. At the end of the year, Channel Five has a quiz type programme The Big Fat Quiz of the Year. There you go. Fat gets mentioned; nobody gets upset. Phew.  I say no one gets upset; I get a bit fed up hearing Jimmy Carr's laugh, but that's a minor grumble.

Anyhow, Ladeez and genullum, I give you a selection of clips from that very programme featuring one of my favourite comedians, Richard Ayoade (I think that's how you pronounce it.).

 
 
That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 16 June 2018

Week 43 - The Grambler at the World Cup


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

 

The World Cup has started! Huzzah! You know what that means, don’t you...

HAMISH:              Dougal!

DOUGAL:             Hamish!

HAMISH:              You’ll have had your tea?

DOUGAL:             Aye. My cullen skink.

HAMISH:              In that case, you should wear a lighter sporran.

DOUGAL:             Eh? Oh here, I see you’re reading a book...

HAMISH:              Oh ho, nothing gets by you.

DOUGAL:             Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha
                               Christie? Never heard of her.

HAMISH:              You’ve never heard of her? What about Hercule
                               Poirot?

DOUGAL:             What about her cool parrot?

HAMISH:              No no no. It’s a famous character in her books. I
                               can’t believe you’ve never heard of her.

DOUGAL:             She didn’t manage that shop, did she?

HAMISH:              Manage a shop? No of course she didn’t
                               manage a... Which shop?

DOUGAL:             That Portuguese one with the name that was
                               almost, but not quite, the same as a famous low
                               cost supermarket.

HAMISH:              Why on earth do you think that was her?

DOUGAL:             Well, the only Christie I know ran Aldo.
 
 
 
.....oooOooo.....

 

I see that President Fart has had a meeting with Kim Young ‘un. No doubt the old gag got wheeled out again. You know the one. It would be a picture of Donald Fart with Kim Young ‘un and the caption would go along the lines of... One of these is a crazy, war-mongering dictator, the other is Kim Jong-un. Oh, how we laughed. 
I wonder what they discussed... The following conversation most definitely took place... probably... maybe.

DON:         You can't beat us. We'll put millions into our defence
                   budget.

KIM:          Yeah?

DON:         Yeah.

KIM:          Well, so will we. In fact, we'll put billions into our
                   budget.

DON:         Yeah?

KIM:          Yeah.

DON:         You can't threaten us... We'll put trillions into ours.

KIM:          Well, we'll put... erm... zillions!

DON:         Is that all? We'll put gazillions. That's way more than
                   zillions.

KIM:          You've just made that up.

DON:         No I haven't. Erm... We'll hit you with a big stick.

KIM:          We'll hit you with a bigger stick.

DON:         That's what you think. We've got bigger sticks than you.

KIM:          No you haven't. Whatever size of stick you've got, we
                   can match it.

DON:         No you can't... Our sticks are as big as tree trunks.

KIM:          And who's going to be able to lift it? Ha!

DON:         Superman. That's who. He's American...

KIM:          We’ll bribe him... We’ll pay him millions.

DON:         We’ll pay him billions.

KIM:          We’ll pay him.......

Etc. Etc. Ad infinitum.

Okay, maybe I dreamt all that, but it seems to sum up world politics of the moment. That is the level of rhetoric we seem to get from world leaders at the moment. As long as it remains just rhetoric, we're okay. I hope.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 16th of June? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Adam Smith 1723 (Philosopher and economist. An enlightened sort of chap.), Geronimo 1829 (The one who yawns.), Stan Laurel 1890 (Actor and comedian.), Jack Albertson 1907 (Actor. Granpa Joe in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.), Enoch Powell 1912 (Politician with a less than generous view on immigration.), Tom Graveney 1927 (Crickety bloke.), Eileen Atkins 1934 (Ectress. Co-created Upstairs Downstairs and The House of Elliot.), Erich Segal 1937 (Orfer. Wrote Love Story. Time for a clip.), Lamont Dozier 1941 (Hit-writing machine. One third of Edith Wayne. [Sorry pardon excuse me? - Ed.] Apparently, as he and his writing partners were contracted to Tamla Motown, they came up with the songwriting name of Edith Wayne in order to continue writing after they left Motown in acrimonious circumstances with lawsuits being filed left, right and centre. Any road up, this was his first composition to reach number one in the UK. What the hell is that on Diana Ross’s head?), Tommy Horton 1941 (Golfy bloke.), Giacomo Agostini 1942 (Motorbike racey bloke.), Eddie Levert 1942 (An O’Jay. Let’s have another clip. All together... People all over the world, join hands...), Iain Matthews 1946 (Musician.  Remember his big hit?), Simon Williams 1946 (Ectaw, dontchaknow. James Bellamy in Upstairs Downstairs. Erm... that’s it.), Garry Roberts 1950 (A Boomtown Rat. A clip? Here’s M-M-M-Mary of the fourth form. Sorry about the scary man at the end.), Ian Mosley 1953 (A bit of Marillion. Another clip, vicar?  Hey yeah hey ee yeah...), Jurgen Klopp 1967 (Fußball-manager.), Phil Mickelson 1970 (Golfy bloke.), Tupac Shakur 1971 (Rapper. You want a clip? Tough.) and Steven Whittaker 1984 (Footy bloke.).

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Gabbler,

It was interesting that you included Baby Love in this week’s list of clips, citing it as Lamont Dozier’s first UK number one. We would be interested to know what was the second UK number one composed by Dozier.

Yours with kindest regards,

Ray Chout, Albie Thare.
 
 

.....oooOooo.....
 

DOUGAL:        Hamish!

HAMISH:         Dougal!

DOUGAL:        Come away in man. You'll have had your tea?

HAMISH:         Yes, but I see you're still having yours... that looks
                          a lovely wee bit of cheese.

DOUGAL:         Aye it is.

HAMISH:          It looks really nice.

DOUGAL:         It is. Very nice.

HAMISH:          I love a nice bit of cheese, I do.

DOUGAL:         Erm... I don't suppose... you would like... to try
                           some?

HAMISH:         I thought you'd never ask. I wouldn't mind a
                          smidgen.

DOUGAL:        Well, it's at the top of the stairs where it's always
                          been.

HAMISH:         No no. I mean I wouldn't mind a wee piece of
                          cheese.

DOUGAL:        Oh I see. There you go.

HAMISH:         I didn't mean that wee. Oh my. That really is tasty.
                          That is a lovely piece of English cheddar. I must
                          buy some. Where do you get it?

DOUGAL:        In the supermarket. They've got a delicatessen
                          counter as soon as you go in. It's in the first aisle.

HAMISH:         Aisle one?

DOUGAL:        No. It's all alphabetical, so it's A.

HAMISH:         The delicatessen, you say?

DOUGAL:        Aye. Deli, aisle A.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? Once again, it was a bit mince. 89 pees back from our £2.40 stake. Oh dear. Oh well, at least we can have a wee flutter on the footy this week. Yay! Unfortunately, because the World Cup is spread over a month, it isn’t possible to have bets on five games taking place at a given time. So, in a break with The Grambler’s admittedly flexible rules, this week’s bet covers games being played over the coming week. So what has the great and glorious Grambler randomly predicted?

 

Game - Time - Prediction - Odds

Croatia vs Nigeria - Sat 20.00 - Croatia to win - 4/5

Costa Rica vs Serbia - Sun 13.00 - Serbia to win - 19/20

Sweden vs South Korea - Mon 13.00 - Sweden to win - 21/20

Colombia vs Japan - Tues 13.00 - Colombia to win - 8/11

Portugal vs Morocco - Wed 13.00 - Portugal to win - 3/5

 

The selections have been made. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Let’s see how much we could win in the extremely unlikely event that the results go as predicted.

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£10.62

 

Hmm... fairly whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

HAMISH:          Dougal!

DOUGAL:         Hamish!

HAMISH:          You'll have had your tea?

DOUGAL:         I just had some lovely potted hough... Oh I'm sorry
                           I'll wipe that up.

HAMISH:          I love potted hough... Would you mind wiping that
                           up while you're about it. What brings you here?

DOUGAL:         Well, I was thinking of booking a holiday and I
                           know you can look things up by roaming the
                           internet.

HAMISH:          You mean searching the internet.

DOUGAL:         Do I? Och, you know me. Always getting my
                           words mixed up. Anyway, you've got one of those
                           computer things, I wondered if you would let me
                           have a wee roam... search. Erm... you won't charge
                           me, will you?

HAMISH:          Of course not. Right. I'll just let you fire up my
                           laptop.

DOUGAL:         I thought you said you wouldn't charge me.

HAMISH:          No no no, you daft gowk. I mean switch it on.

DOUGAL:         Oh, I see. Phew. Okay. Oh. It's asking for a
                           password. Do you have one?

HAMISH:          Auchtermuchty. [Pause] Auchtermuchty. That's
                           my password.

DOUGAL:         Oh I thought you were clearing your throat.

HAMISH:          So what kind of holiday are you looking for?

DOUGAL:         I fancy going on a boat down the Rhine. You
                           know, in Germany.

HAMISH:          That'll be nice, but you mean a cruise.

DOUGAL:         There you go... wrong word again. Oh dear. I'm
                           not very good at this. Perhaps you should do it.

HAMISH:          Okay. What am I looking for?

DOUGAL:         Would you roam boating?

.....oooOooo.....
 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you what Glossop North End, Carlisle United, Swindon Town, Northampton Town, Leyton Orient and Barnsley all had in common. The answer is that they have all spent just one season in the top flight of English football.

One for this week? Did you watch the Portugal vs Spain game last night. What a terrific three all draw it was. Ronaldo (or Ran Aldo if you prefer) joined an elite group when he became only the third Portuguese player ever to score a hat trick at a World Cup finals. Can you name the other two? Easy peasy.
 
I've scored a hat trick... This is how big my head is now.

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

HAMISH:          Dougal!

DOUGAL:        Hamish!

HAMISH:         I heard about your accident. What happened, man?

DOUGAL:        Well, you know that tree in my garden; the
                          mountain ash?

HAMISH:         Och, yes. The one you got from Belgium.

DOUGAL:        That's the one. Well, I thought it was getting too
                          big. I decided it was time to get my chopper out.

HAMISH:         I hope Mrs Nauchty didn’t see you.

DOUGAL:       Anyway, I was chopping it down and, before
                         I knew it, it came down on top of me. The next
                         thing I knew, I was waking up in Accident and
                         Emergency at the hospital.

HAMISH:         Away, man.

DOUGAL:       Aye. That's how it happened... My rowan fell...
                         A an' E.

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. S. Laurel whose name appears in this week’s birthday honours. Stan Laurel was one half of, arguably, the most famous comedy duo of all time: Laurel and Hardy. They were one of the few comedy acts that managed the transition between silent films and the new-fangled ‘talkies’.  Their golden period was undoubtedly between the years 1927 and 1939; they appeared in 106 films together from 1921 to 1951, but 92 of those films were made in that productive 12 year period.

Often their films were little more than a few sketches strung together with little or no cohesion. Nevertheless, their mixture of slapstick and verbal humour made them popular around the world. In fact, most countries had their own name for them. Here is just a few... In Germany they were Dick und Doof; in Denmark - Gøg og Gokke; in Poland - Flip i Flap; in The Netherlands - De Dikke en de Dunne; in Romania - Stan and Bran; in Hungary - Stan es Pan and in Italy they were Crik and Crok. Lovely names, one and all.

So, what can we finish with? Some slapstick? Well, there is a little bit in the clip I have chosen. I think we have to finish with the only song they ever sang in one of their films. Here is a colourised version of The Trail of the Lonesome Pine. All together now... Eena the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia...

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.