Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.
Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).
If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997
Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…
Story Time
It’s that time of the lunar cycle we call a year to wish all you good folk in gramblerland a happy new... erm... random date on the calendar. So how have I celebrated this great event, apart from watching Jools Holland’s Hootenanny?
I've been to a panto... Oh yes, I have. It has been a long time since I've done that. Mrs G just took a notion to go to see a pantomime this year. So, we headed into Glasgow to see a production of Peter Pan.
I think it must have been a few years since I have been to a panto, because everything had changed.
There are rules to panto; a pantomime etiquette, no less.
One such rule is that the main character, Peter Pan, must be played by a woman. No, I don't know where that tradition came from... but you know these theatrical types, they love dressing up.
Captain Hook was always the bad guy and he would have the audience booing him every time he gave his trademark evil laugh... mwah ha ha har... and twiddled with his waxed moustache.
There would have been a character shoehorned into the plot as a 'dame' and as every pantomime goer knows, the dame is always played by a man... as I said, theatrical folk. And as for Tinkerbell the fairy, she was always played by the prettiest girl in the company.
What has changed? Everything and everyone, apparently. Firstly, Peter Pan was not played by a thigh-slapping female (Apparently, that is how the audience could spot that she was meant to be a man. Thigh slapping. Nope, I've never yet seen a guy slapping his thigh, either.) but... and this is the strange bit... a guy. Now, that is just weird. That just goes against the first rule of panto; the hero is meant to be played by a lady, simple as that. What is the world coming to?
Next, we have the baddie. Captain Hook is meant to be the meanest bad guy imaginable and not, as was the case in this production, the meanest bad lady imaginable.
Just what is the world of panto coming to? I mean, she hadn't even got a moustache to twiddle.
Worse was to come. The dame, the character shoe-horned in for comic effect, was actually played by a woman. I mean, that is just unthinkable. Terry Scott must be spinning in his grave.
And finally, the biggest insult to traditional panto goers, Tinkerbell the fairy was played by... a man. What!? That is just wrong. And this Tinkerbell was as camp as a row of tents. [I don’t think you are allowed to make such comments. - Ed.]
What is the world coming to, that's what I want to know... and there was no pantomime cow played by two blokes in a ludicrous costume. All we got was a few seconds of a bloke dressed as Nanna the pet dog.
I feel cheated... Oh yes, I do!
.....oooOooo.....
Birthday honours...
Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 28th of December? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.
Max Jaffa 1911 - Musician. Every summer from the sixties to the mid eighties, Max would perform with his Palm Court Orchestra at The Spa in Scarborough. Here is a short film made about his time there. Here's Max Jaffa; The Last Scarborough Concert.
Bernard Youens 1914 - Actor. Stan Ogden in Coronation Street.
Jack Milroy 1915 - Comedian. The Francie in Francie and Josie.
Noel Johnson 1916 - Actor. Dick Barton in Dick Barton - Special Agent.
Brian Redhead 1929 - Journalist and TV presenter.
Roy Hattersley 1932 - Politician.
Maggie Smith 1934 - Actress. Violet Crawley, Dowager Duchess of Grantham in Downton Abbey.
Frank McLintock 1939 - Fitba guy.
Richard Whiteley 1943 - TV presenter.
Chas Hodges 1943 - Musician. One half of Chas and Dave. [Really? Which one was he? - Ed.] Ahem. Here’s a little clip of a song they made to advertise Courage Beer. What does Gertcha mean? Haven’t a scoobie.
Keith Floyd 1943 - TV chef who was rather fond of the sauce. No relation to Pink.
Max Hastings 1945 - Journalist.
Martin Lampkin 1950 - Motorbike scrambler.
Stephen Frost 1955 - Comedian.
Jimmy Nicholl 1956 - Fitba guy.
Nigel Kennedy 1956 - Fiddler. A clip? Have a bit of culture; from Vivaldi's Four Seasons, here’s Winter.
Terry Butcher 1958 - Footy bloke. Ex-Motherwell manager, you know.
Kaye Adams 1962 - TV presenter.
Danny Swanson 1986 - Fitba guy.
Now then, let’s see a few born on the 4th of January.
Wat Tyler 1341 - Leader of the Peasants’ Revolt of 1381. No relation to Which Tyler, leader of the Pedants’ Revolt.
Isaac Newton 1643 - Polymath.
Isaac Pitman 1813 - Inventor of the most widely used system of shorthand writing.
Augustus John 1878 - Painter.
Carroll Gibbons 1903 - Bandleader. Here’s a clip of him playing the old Joanna.
Erik Chisholm 1904 - Composer. Have a bit of The Duntroon Pibroch.
Rosalie Crutchley 1920 - Actress. Goodwife Margaret in By the Sword Divided.
Don Arden 1926 - Music manager and agent. Sharon Osbourne’s dad.
Iain Cuthbertson 1930 - Actor. Charlie Endel in Budgie.
John Gorman 1936 - Comedian and comedy musician. He was one third of Scaffold who had a number of slightly silly songs in the late 1960s. Here is one such, 2 Day's Monday.
John McLaughlin 1942 - Musician. Here’s a question: Are You The One? Are You The One? [All right. No need to repeat yourself. I'm not deaf. - Ed.]
Rick Stein 1947 - TV chef.
Mick Mills 1949 - Footy bloke.
Mark Hollis 1955 - Musician. Talk Talk’s main man. A clip? Why not. Here’s Living in Another World.
Bernard Sumner 1956 - Musician. Frontman of New Order. Let’s have another clip. Here’s Be a Rebel.
Robin Guthrie 1962 - Musician. One time member of The Cocteau Twins who provide us with a clip. Here’s the rather beautiful Carolyn's Fingers.
Mervyn King 1966 - Bowly bloke.
Scott Howie 1972 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell, you know.
Tim Wheeler 1977 - Musician. One-third of Ash... That’s the band called Ash, he doesn’t comprise one-third ash... I’ll get me coat. Tell you what, let’s have another clip. Here’s Crashed Out Wasted.
Gary Wales 1979 - Fitba guy.
Richard Winsor 1982 - Actor. Cal Knight in Casualty.
Richard Rankin 1983 - Actor. Roger Wakefield/MacKenzie in Outlander.
James Milner 1986 - Fitba guy.
Danny Simpson 1987 - Footie bloke.
And now, let’s hear it for those famous fellows who found their way into the world on the 11th of January.
Fred Archer 1857 - Horse jockey bloke.
Mick McManus 1920 - Wrestly bloke.
Eli Woods 1923 - Comedian, known for his stuttering delivery.
Melvyn Hayes 1935 - Actor. Gunner ‘Gloria’ Beaumont in It Ain’t Half Hot Mum.
Arthur Scargill 1938 - Trade Union leader.
Malcolm Terris 1941 - Jobbing actor. Matt Headley in When the Boat Comes In.
Henry Cecil 1943 - Horse trainery bloke.
Tony Kaye 1946 - Musician. Original keyboard player with the band Yes. Have a clip. Time for a bit of early Prog, here’s Yours Is No Disgrace.
Joe Harper 1948 - Fitba guy.
Terry Williams 1948 - Musician. Drummer with several bands including Man, so let’s have a clip from them. It’s another bit of early Prog called All Good Clean Fun.
Kim Hartman 1952 - Actress. Private Helga Geerhart in ’Allo ’Allo!
John Sessions 1953 - Comedian and actor. Dr. Alfred Prunesquallor in Gormenghast.
Phyllis Logan 1956 - Actress. Mary in The Last Bus.
Bryan Robson 1957 - Foo’y blerk laik. That was meant to be Geordie.
Adrian Heath 1961 - Footy bloke.
Melanie Hill 1962 - Actress. Siobhan McKenzie in Casualty. Used to be Mrs Sean Bean.
Jason Connery 1963 - Actor... but more famous for being son of Sean Connery and Diane Cilento.
Dave Swift 1964 - Musician. Bassist with Jools Holland’s Rhythm and Blues Orchestra.
Derek Ridell 1967 - Actor. Bernard in Boarders.
Lee Makel 1973 - Another foo’y blerk laik.
Emile Heskey 1978 - Footy bloke.
Jamelia (Davis) 1981 - Singer and actress. Let’s have another clip. Here’s Beware of the Dog.
Tom Meighan 1981 - Musician. One-time Kasabian frontman. A clip? Why not. Here’s the band’s first top ten hit, L. S. F.
Newton Faulkner 1985 - Singer songwriter. I think another clip is in order. Here’s his only UK top tenner, Dream Catch Me.
Rachel Riley 1986 - TV presenter.
Jamie Vardy 1987 - Footy bloke.
Mark Wood 1990 - Crickety bloke.
Louisa Johnson 1998 - Singer. A winner of The X Factor, she had a couple of hits on the back of it. Here’s one of them, So Good.
I’ve received a letter...
Dear (the late) Mark Gramblis,
We have enjoyed the music of Talk Talk for many years. We have a question for you. Did your first studio album have a title track?
Yours loquaciously,
.....oooOooo.....
Gramble time...
How did our last bet with Orkdables fare? We won. Seriously. Nae kidding. £10.66. Woo hoo! What happened? Read on
Ipswich vs Newcastle - Away win
Result - Ipswich 0 Newcastle 4
Yay!
Alexander Isak scored a hat-trick as Newcastle United thrashed Ipswich Town.
The visitors only needed 26 seconds to score after the hosts had kicked off.
Ipswich immediately sent the ball out for a throw-in, Fabian Schar played a long pass, Jacob Murphy ran down the right wing and his cross bounced off the heel of Sam Morsy with Isak firing the loose ball into the net.
The goal was originally ruled out for offside but following a lengthy check by the video assistant referee, it was given.
Murphy, who impressed throughout, added a second, shooting in off the underside of the crossbar after good work from Anthony Gordon.
Any hopes of an Ipswich comeback ended in first-half injury time when Newcastle got a third goal.
Goalkeeper Arijanet Muric tried to play out from the back and knocked a pass to Jens Cajuste inside his own penalty area, but Bruno Guimaraes intercepted and Isak had the easy task of scoring his second.
His hat-trick came nine minutes into the second half, when he prodded home into the bottom corner after more good work from Murphy.
Cardiff vs Sheffield Utd. - Away win
Result - Cardiff 0 Sheffield Utd. 2
Yay!
After a drab and goalless first half, the Blades moved up a gear in the second as Kieffer Moore controlled Alfie Gilchrist's cross with his chest before firing into the top corner.
The strike was as memorable as the rest of the game was forgettable, and Moore scored a second eight minutes later as he drilled in a low effort from the edge of the penalty area.
Burnley vs Watford - Home win
Result - Burnley 2 Watford 1
Yay!
The hosts hit the front early on when Zian Flemming let Josh Brownhill's left-wing cross run through for Bournemouth’s Jaidon Anthony to volley in at the back post.
Barnsley deservedly doubled their lead after the hour when slick build-up from Anthony and Hannibal Mejbri teed up Brownhill to curl a fine finish into the corner.
Watford had rarely threatened but set up a tense finish when Giorgi Chakvetadze's corner was only half-cleared to Kwadwo Baah who volleyed in.
Sunderland vs Norwich - Home win
Result - Sunderland 2 Norwich 1
Yay!
Anis Ben Slimane thumped home in a scramble to put the visitors ahead on 21 minutes but Dan Ballard headed the equaliser soon after half-time.
Norwich defender Jose Cordoba was sent off after receiving a second booking with 20 minutes remaining and Jobe Bellingham superbly curled the hosts ahead moments later.
The visitors made a positive start and Patterson made a smart save to deny Emiliano Marcondes, getting down low to his right to turn an angled shot around the post.
However, from the resultant short corner, Borja Sainz's swirling cross was nodded back into the middle at the far post by Cordoba, and Ben Slimani smashed home from close range at the second attempt after Patterson had blocked his initial stooping header on the line.
Marcelino Nunez lashed a speculative effort over the bar before Shane Duffy produced a great challenge at the other end to deny Wilson Isidor after a fine mazy run from Patrick Roberts.
The equaliser arrived within two minutes of the restart after half-time when Dennis Cirkin nodded a deep free-kick from Luke O'Nien back across goal before Eliezer Mayenda crossed back into the middle for Ballard to powerfully head in.
Sunderland piled on the pressure as they sought to complete the turnaround but Ante Crnac almost punished them against the run of play, firing a low shot past Patterson's near post from the edge of the box.
With 20 minutes remaining, Isidor robbed Nunez of possession after a free-kick and raced clear only to steer over under pressure from the back-tracking Jack Stacey, with only Gunn to beat.
Cordoba received the 10th booking of the match, and his second, soon afterwards, for raising a high boot against Chris Mepham, having received his first caution for preventing a quick free-kick in the first half.
The hosts made them pay seconds later when the resulting set-piece dropped to Cirkin, whose backheel found Bellingham on the left of the area and he showed lovely poise to take a touch inside a defender onto his right foot and curl into the far corner past Gunn from an angle.
In the closing stages, Patterson kept the lead intact with a fine save to turn City substitute Barnes' effort onto the post after a slip from Ballard, while Mayenda was twice denied a late third for Sunderland at the other end by Gunn.
Lincoln vs Reading - Home win
Result - Lincoln 2 Reading 0
Yay!
An early goal from Bailey Cadamarteri was added to after the break by Reeco Hackett as the Imps strolled to the most comfortable of victories.
Joel Pereira had to be alert to tip Sean Roughan's early 25-yarder over his bar as City started well, before taking an eighth-minute lead.
Roughan swung a cross in from the left, which was met by Conor McGrandles. His drilled effort was superbly saved by Pereira, but the rebound fell to Cadamarteri, who smashed the ball home.
Reading were reduced to 10 men after 37 minutes when defender Louie Holzman was shown a straight red for bringing down Ben House on the edge of his own box, but Lewis Montsma's free-kick was easily saved by Pereira.
The second half was only four minutes old when Jovon Makama's terrific run down the right saw him square the ball back to House, whose first-time shot struck the base of Pereira's right-hand upright.
House then hit Pereira's left-hand post with a speculative effort after 64 minutes as City threatened to run riot.
City doubled their lead and secured the win after 72 minutes, when Montsma's curled delivery into the box was met by the onrushing Hackett who side-footed the ball into the net.
Game - Result - Odds
Real Valladolid vs Real Betis - Away win - 13/20
Sevilla vs Valencia - Home win - 21/20
Torino vs Juventus - Away win - 10/11
St. Paul vs Eintracht Frankfurt - Away win - 11/10
FSV Mainz vs VfL Bochum - Home win - 4/6
The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping
£11.60
Hmm... moderately whopping.
.....oooOooo.....
Teaser time...
Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.
1. Who am I?
I was born in Eindhoven in 1999. A left-winger, I began my senior career at PSV in the reserve team before moving up to the first team. I joined my present club, Liverpool, at the start of 2023 for a fee of over 40 million euros. I have been capped for Netherlands 36 times.
Answer - Cody Gakpo
2. Which of these players made the most appearances for Manchester United? Paul Scholes, Gary Neville, Wayne Rooney
Answer - Paul Scholes
3. The Football League Cup is currently sponsored by Carabao Energy Drink, but which company sponsored the cup in 1981, the first year of sponsorship?
Answer - Milk Marketing Board
4. Which club is currently managed by Claudio Ranieri?
Answer - Roma
5. Which club plays home games at Station Park?
Answer - Forfar Athletic
How did you get on? Too easy? Let’s see if this week’s teasers are any harder.
1. Who am I?
I was born in Auckland in 1991. A forward, I began my senior career in New Zealand in 2006, but moved to English club West Brom in 2009. I was loaned out to a few clubs, but signed with the last of these, Leicester City in 2013. After another loan spell, this time at Ipswich, I joined Leeds United. I signed with Burnley in 2017 and was sold for a club record fee of £25 million to Newcastle. In 2023, I signed to my current club, Nottingham Forest. I have been capped 80 times for New Zealand.
2. Which player was bought by Arsenal for the highest transfer fee?
3. Who scored a perfect hat-trick (left foot, right foot, head) on the 5th of January this year?
4. Who is West Ham United’s current manager?
5. Which club plays home games at Borough Briggs?
There you have it. Have fun trying to work that lot out. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.
.....oooOooo.....
Remember the serious message...
As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK
.....oooOooo.....
Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s). Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. We have now smashed through the 80 thousand barrier. Yay! The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...
£82,367
…..oooOooo…..
And Finally...
And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. J. Sessions, who should have been celebrating his birthday today. I hope you like this week’s finishing item from John Sessions, a comedian who, I think you will agree, was a true original. Ladeez and genullum, please enjoy this one-man show from 1988. Unfortunately, the start of the show is missing from the recording but, if you read the comments, the beginning is explained.
That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.
Happy grambling.
