Friday, 12 October 2018

Week 11 - The Grambler watches Killing Eve


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Have you been watching the Beeb's latest psychological drama, Killing Eve?  Killing Eve? Killing our brain cells more like.  What a load of old tosh.

It didn't look too promising from the start.  Sumptuous filming aside, it appeared to be a vehicle for an American audience made by a British company.  It was obviously written by an American as some of the very American expressions used by the actors, many of whom were British, just didn't ring true from English lips.

However, I thought I would give it a fair airing. Maybe it would improve and I could forgive it such failings.
Basically, it it is about our heroine, Eve (who, incidentally, has the kind of face on her that looks like she is constantly sucking a lemon), chasing a baddy, whose name I never quite worked out, she changed persona so often, who was a crazy assassin.

The first episode gave us a body count of five, as the nutjob killer got into her stride.

After episode three, I had lost count of the number of individuals who had been bumped off.  Twentyish? This really was mental stuff.  It seemed that anyone who looked at this murdering loony the wrong way was immediately despatched.

Now, I reckon this so-called drama was based on a computer shoot ‘em up game where baddies pop up and you have to kill them before they kill you such was the speed at which people were done away with.  It became more about slaughtering than individual kills.  If there had been a 'hits' counter at the bottom of the screen it wouldn't have seemed out of place. 

It wasn't just the number of killings which proved excessive.  The detail that we were subjected to was unnecessarily graphic.  The very first killing showed us in rather too much detail our mental murderess injecting some lethal liquid into the eye of her target. Gruesome doesn't cover it.

Her tactics covered all manner of ways to kill.  Guns, knives and a four-by-four people carrier were all utilised as weapons.  So were teeth.  I swear she bit someone's throat out at one point.

Now, if this programme was only about her killing people, it would have been pretty dull fayre. To make things more interesting... for more interesting read more ludicrous... there was the added plot twist that goodies were actually baddies and nobody knew who was working for who.

It was utter bollocks from start to finish.  Who the hell okays this load of old turnips for transmission?  Probably the same person who thought Deal or No Deal was a sensible idea.

As for the ending... dearie me. That just beggars belief. If you haven't watched the whole series yet, I won't tell you how it ends; I don't want to spoil it for you. [It sounds as if whoever was involved in the programme has already done that. - Ed.]

The worrying thing is, there's going to be another series. I think I'll not bother with that, thank you very much.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 6th of October? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Lillie Langtry 1853 (Ectress who was popular with a certain royal gentleman.), Wilfred Pickles 1904 (Ectaw who liked people to have a go with him.), Art Tatum 1909 (Ivory tickler extraordinaire. Here is Yesterdays.), Cornel Wilde 1912 (Ectaw.), Yves Montand 1921 (attore e cantante/acteur et chanteur.), Lenny Bruce 1925 (Comedian, I think.), Margaret Thatcher 1925 (Who?), Nana Mouskouri 1934 (τραγουδιστής. Here is The White Rose of Athens.), Chris Farlowe 1940 (Chanter. Here is his hit.), Paul Simon 1941 (Musician. Here he is suggesting various means of escape.), John Snow 1941 (Crickety bloke.), Walter McGowan 1942 (Boxy bloke.), Robert Lamm 1944 (Another ivory tickler. A bit of Chicago.  It's Saturday.  Let's go to the park.), Edwina Currie 1946 (Politician. Got on well with John Major.), Sammy Hagar 1947 (Geetarist and chanter. Here he is when he had a spell with Van Halen.), Simon Nicol 1950 (Who, I hear you ask. Guitarist with Fairport Convention and the Albion Band but has also helped out on recording duties with... deep breath... Matthews Southern Comfort, Vashti Bunyan, Mike Heron, John Martyn, John Kirkpatrick and Ashley Hutchings, Steve Ashley, Hokey Pokey, Richard and Linda Thompson (both together and separately), Shirley Collins, Cat Stevens, Al Stewart, Royston Wood & Heather Wood, Dave Swarbrick, Julie Covington, Art Garfunkel, Beverley Craven, Sylvia Nicol, Murray Head, Beth Nielson Chapman, Sandy Denny, Phil Pickett, Alan Simon, Judy Dible, Old Uncle Tom Cobbley and all, Old Uncle Tom Cobbley and all. Howzabout a toon?  Fancy some breakfast? In Mayfair?), Marie Osmond 1959 (Chanter. Here’s her hit.), John Regis 1966 (Runny bloke.), Paul Potts 1970 (Singer and part time dictator. Here he is sending some clowns in.), Sacha Baron Cohen 1971 (Comedian.), Wes Brown 1979 (Footy bloke.), Ashanti 1980 (Chanter. Here is her biggest UK hit... Only U.), David Haye 1980 (Boxy bloke.), Scott Parker 1980 (Footy bloke.), Ian Thorpe 1982 (Swimmy bloke.) and Gabriel Agbonlahor 1986 (Footy bloke.)

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Dangly,

I take great exception to you telling us that Ashanti’s Only U was her biggest UK hit. As a solo artist, perhaps it was, but she had a number one when she was featured on a tune by Ja Rule. I believe R. Kelly was also featured, but I can’t remember the title of the song. Perhaps you can help.

Yours with knobs on,

Juan de Phull.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? Hmm. Some money back, but only £1.56, so a loss of 64 pees. Not so good. What happened? Read on...

 

 

Birmingham vs Rotherham - Prediction Home win

Result - Birmingham City 3 Rotherham United 1

Yay!

Lukas Jutkiewicz scored a hat-trick as Birmingham City proved too much for Rotherham.

The Blues striker scored twice from close range in the space of three first-half minutes to give the hosts a deserved 2-0 half-time lead.

He drilled the ball through a crowd of players to complete his first senior career treble after the break.

Jon Taylor's near-post finish gave the Millers a late consolation goal.

 

Middlesbrough vs Nottm. Forest - Prediction Home win

Result - Middlesbrough 0 Nottingham Forest 2

Boo!

Both sides had chances in an open first-half but it was the visitors who made the breakthrough after the interval when Joe Lolley took a pass from a driving Daryl Murphy and smashed a shot into the top corner.

Lolley had a further chance to add to the lead but was denied by Boro (and former Motherwell) keeper Darren Randolph, while cracking name of the week award winner Britt Assombalonga was kept out at the other end by Costel Pantilimon's save.

Lewis Grabban made sure of the points when he turned in Lolley's cross at the near-post and not even the late dismissal of Jack Robinson, for a second yellow card for simulation, could stop Forest claiming the points.

 

Sheffield Utd. vs Hull - Prediction Home win

Result - Sheffield United 1 Hull City 0

Yay!

David McGoldrick scored his fifth goal of the season from the penalty spot after defender Jack O'Connell was pulled down in the area midway through the second half.

Chances were limited in a cagey match at Bramall Lane, but the visitors twice went close after the break with Nouha Dicko and Markus Henriksen forcing good saves from Dean Henderson.

But the Blades saw the game out to seal the victory.

 

Swansea vs Ipswich - Prediction Home win

Result - Swansea City 2 Ipswich Town 3

Boo!

Swansea had made the perfect start when Connor Roberts' cross was deflected in on eight minutes by Janoi Donacien.

Ipswich scored twice in four first-half minutes with Gwion Edwards levelling before Mike van der Hoorn's own goal.

Bersant Celina looked to have rescued a point for Swansea after a superb team move, only for Trevoh Chalobah to head home.

 

West Brom vs Reading - Prediction Home win

Result - West Bromwich Albion 4 Reading 1

Yay!

West Bromwich Albion came from behind to eventually ease to victory against Reading.

The Royals took an early lead through Leandro Bacuna's clinical finish from a corner, before the hosts' Harvey Barnes struck the post.

But the Baggies took full control in the second half, as striker Dwight Gayle produced two well-guided finishes in quick succession to turn the game on its head.

Barnes' fine long-range effort made it 3-1 before defender Kyle Bartley netted Albion's fourth from a corner.

 

Oh dear. Come on Grambler, pull your socks/tights/megabytes up and give us some winners. Please. Pretty please.

What has he/she/it come up with this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Barnsley vs Luton - Prediction Home win - Evens

Accrington vs Bradford - Prediction Home win - 17/20

Oxford Utd vs Plymouth - Prediction Home win - Evens

Carlisle vs Crawley - Prediction Home win - 13/20

Exeter vs Swindon - Prediction Home win - Evens

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£12.54

 

A bit more whopping than usual. Will it win? Will it fu... Doubt it.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you who is the only player to have scored in a Champions League final, FA Cup final, UEFA Cup final and League Cup final. It was, of course, Rangers’ current manager Steven Gerrard. Incidentally, Liverpool (his only club) won on each of those occasions.

One for this week? In the inaugural season of the English Premiershit, which three Yorkshire teams featured? Hmm... One to try down t’pub.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual, I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. B. Anksy for this week’s finishing item. Why Banksy, I hear you ask. Well, this week a Banksy original (the one of the little girl holding a heart-shaped red balloon) was sold at auction. As the hammer went down at something like £1 million, the picture spontaneously ‘shredded’. It all smacks of being a typical Banksy stunt, so the jury is out as to whether it was all a big setup.

As any of you out in gramblerland know, Banksy is my favourite artist; I find his work both clever and funny. I also like the way he takes any opportunity to have a go at the normal pomposity of ‘artists’... Yes it’s very clever, but it’s only a fn painting.

So, let’s finish with another of his ‘works’, a short film which initially appears to support rebel terror groups, but please watch it through to the end...

 
Banksy strikes again
(Thanks to b3ta.com)
 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 6 October 2018

Week 10 - The Grambler on the too mobile mobile phone


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

A news item through the week concerned a lorry driver who was jailed for dangerous driving; he had crashed his lorry into stationary cars while being otherwise occupied on his mobile phone. The cab of the lorry is videoed throughout the time it is being driven and footage shows that he was reading his dash-mounted smart phone when the accident occurred. He was jailed because he caused the death of a lady in the stationary car. Fair enough, he was not driving in a safe manner and his stupidity killed someone.

Was he just unfortunate? If nobody had died in the smash, he would probably have escaped a stay in prison. Indeed, had the accident not happened at all, the matter would not even have been noticed.

How many other drivers are guilty of diverting their attention while driving? I would suggest that, if we are discussing those drivers of cars fitted with a touchscreen display panel, the answer is all of them.

I have mentioned such distracting matters before, so I apologise for repeating myself. However, I would point the finger not at drivers, but at car manufacturers. It is they who are at fault for putting such equipment into cars in the first place. In my view, anything that distracts a driver from paying attention to the actual control of a vehicle, should be banned.

Though I enjoy driving, I cannot understand how car manufacturers, in this age of ‘health and safety’ where everybody’s security is considered in all matters, get away with producing increasingly dangerous machinery. However do you mean, I hear you ask.

What is the maximum speed limit where you live? It is probably somewhere in the region of 70 miles per hour (or about 110 kilometres per hour in foreign money) which is the highest speed allowable here in the Yuk.

So, pray tell me, why are car makers allowed to produce cars that are capable of three times that speed and more? There is a car called the Hennessey Venom F5 which can reach 300 miles per hour. This is a car which can be driven on the road, not just the race track. That is just crazy. There is no road in existence which can be driven at that sort of speed. Not even a racetrack, I would wager. That car can reach 62 miles per hour (100 kph in foreign) in 2.7 seconds. Utterly mental. Surely, nobody can safely control a vehicle that can travel at such staggering speeds.

That isn’t even the fastest accelerating car; it only comes sixth in a poll conducted by Autocar. At number one, pop pickers, are three cars whose 0 to 62 times are identical. The cars in question, the Ultima Evolution Coupe, Dodge Challenger SRT Demon and snappily titled Tesla Model S P100D , are capable of reaching that speed in 2.3 seconds. I wouldn’t trust my driving capabilities, or my neck muscles, to be able to cope with being propelled like a rocket in this way.

[And your point is, caller? - Ed.] My point is, that these cars are dangerous projectiles. Say, a multi-millionaire, who has just passed his driving test, wanted to buy one of these insanely fast vehicles; he could do just that, even though he or she (no, probably he) has never driven on a motorway or at any speed approaching the national speed limit. He is perfectly at liberty to take this wheeled missile onto a fast stretch of road to (illegally) test its outrageous performance, and thus show up his own, very limited, driving skills. I suspect a funeral, or several, might be the outcome.

I have already alluded to the fact that roads are just not designed to have cars driven on them at such speeds. I also don’t believe humans can react quickly enough to drive at anything approaching such ludicrous speeds. So why do manufacturers produce such vehicles? More to the point, why are they allowed to manufacture a product which is designed to be both dangerous and illegal.

I foresee the day coming when manufacturers are forced to cease manufacturing such dangerously fast machines and those that own them will, hopefully, become treated like lepers the way that smokers currently are. And if that means a certain Mr Klaxon has to stop banging on about how it is his god-given right to drive like a fn loony... the sooner the better.

I have no problem with cars going fast, as long as they are on a racetrack and not a public road... where I might be pootling along at ‘only’ 70 mph.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 6th of October? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Jenny Lind 1820 (Rerr chanter. Known as the Swedish Nightingale. [What, she was a nurse in the Crimean War? - Ed.]), Charles-Édouard Jeanneret aka Le Corbusier 1887 (Architect who drank heavily... Corbusier... cor, boozier. Geddit? No? Please yourselves.), Roland Garros 1888 (Aviateur. The main tennis stadium in Paris is named after him although he had no connection with the sport. It would be like calling Wimbledon the Amy Johnson Stadium.), Helen Wills 1905 (She, however, did play tennis.), Carole Lombard 1908 (Ectress. Married to Clark Gable she was.), Barbara Castle 1910 (Firebrand politician.), Thor Heyerdahl 1914 (Explorer who became famous for crossing the Pacific Ocean on a raffia mat, or something.), Joan Littlewood 1914 (Theatre director. Known as ‘the mother of modern theatre’.), Tommy Lawton 1919 (Footy bloke.), Richie Benaud 1930 (Crickety bloke.), Eileen Derbyshire 1930 (Actress. Emily Bishop in Corrie.), Belvyd Bragg 1939 (TV presenter with sinus trouble.), Britt Ekland 1942 (Skådespelerska.), Carlos Pace 1944 (Pilotto di corrida.), Tony Greig 1946 (Sarth Ifrican creekutty blike hoo plied for Eengland.), Millie Small 1946 (Singer. Had Britain’s first reggae hit in 1963 with This.), Jorry Oddams 1948 (Irish politician. Catchphrase: We know where you live.), Penny Junor 1949 (TV presenter and journalist.), Thomas McClary 1949 (A Commodore. Here’s the song that has perhaps his most famous geetar break.  That looks quite easy.), Gavin Sutherland 1951 (Musician who, with his brother and Quiver, had a hit with This. Gav’s the dude with the cap.), Bruce Grobbelaar 1957 (Acrobatic footy bloke with wobbly legs.), Niall Quinn 1966 (Footy bloke.), Byron Black 1969 (Tennisy bloke.), Alan Stubbs 1971 (Footy bloke.), Mark Schwarzer 1972 (Footy bloke.) and Ioan Gruffudd 1973 (Actor, isn’t it.).

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Wrangler,

I was so pleased that you included Arms of Mary in this week’s edition. I was a great fan of Sutherland Brothers and Quiver back in the day. Sadly, they never managed to repeat the huge success of that single which reached number five in the UK chart. Their next single to chart topped out at the lowly position of 35. I wonder if you recall the name of it.

Yours inquisitively,

C. Krets.

P.S. I am a great fan of your jeans.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? It wiped its nose, I think the expression is... Or was it arse? Any road up, we got back our stake money exactly. £2.20 from a £2.20 bet. Not sure if that is worth a yay or not. What happened? Read on...

 

 

Bolton vs Derby - Prediction Away win

Result - Bolton Wanderers 1 Derby County 0

Boo!

Bolton’s Craig 'Peter' Noone beat goalkeeper Scott 'Kit' Carson with an early header across goal.

Derby went on to control much of the possession but had to wait until the 88th minute to get a shot on goal.

Goalkeeper Remi Matthews ensured Bolton earned the win, denying Mason Mount from close range.

 

Fleetwood vs Barnsley - Prediction Away win

Result - Fleetwood 1 Barnsley 3

Yay!

Harrison 'Christopher' Biggins got the home side off to a great start when he popped up with a poacher's finish, stroking home James Husband's cross from the left after good hold-up play by Ched Evans on the wing in the 19th minute.

But Barnsley fought back, exploiting some poor Fleetwood defending. Firstly Ash Eastham was out-muscled by Jacob Brown in the 32nd minute as he pounced on an Alex Mowatt chip.

Kieffer Moore completed the turnaround three minutes before the break as the forward out-foxed Town sub Cian Bolger and drilled the ball into the bottom corner.

Fleetwood pressed for a leveller in the second half but Barnsley held firm with right-back Lewie Coyle going closest for Town at the death as his first time effort was kept out.

But it was Barnsley who were to get that late goal, Mamadou Thiam catching Town on the counter and curling the ball past Alex Cairns in injury time.

 

Plymouth vs Doncaster - Prediction Away win

Result - Plymouth Argyle 2 Doncaster Rovers 3

Yay!

John 'Mary' Marquis fired Doncaster ahead after 18 minutes, cutting in from the left to unleash an unstoppable angled drive into the far corner past Argyle's keeper Macey.

Ruben Lameiras equalised with a superb dipping shot from the edge of the box after 40 minutes, but Matty Blair coolly side-footed Doncaster back in front in the 57th minute from Mallik Wilks' right-wing cross.

Marquis pinged a rising 20-yard drive off a post after 35 minutes and also sent a volley on the spin over the bar early in the second half.

Marquis capped a man-of-the-match performance with a 90th-minute solo goal, rounding goalkeeper Matt Macey before scoring from an acute angle.

And after Marquis had made it 3-1, Argyle playmaker Graham 'Archbishop' Carey still had time to score with a thumping strike in stoppage time, beating Rovers keeper Marko Marosi at his near post.

 

Cheltenham vs Lincoln - Prediction Away win

Result - Cheltenham Town 0 Lincoln City 2

Yay!

Lincoln's John Akinde missed a glorious chance to open the scoring in the 18th minute.

Bruno Andrade did well on the left and sent a low ball to the far post, where the big striker was all alone, but he miskicked wide and neither goalkeeper was tested during an uneventful opening period.

Lincoln started the second half strongly, with Scott Flinders forced to push away a shot from Michael Bostwick.

An effort from Shay McCartan then hit team mate Akinde in the six-yard box when it appeared to be on its way in.

But the deadlock was broken when a ball in from Harry Toffolo on the left was smashed into his own net by Cheltenham full-back Craig Alcock, under pressure from McCartan.

And McCartan followed up to make it 2-0 after Flinders could only parry Andrade's effort.

 

Macclesfield vs Forest Green - Prediction Away win

Result - Macclesfield Town 1 Forest Green Rovers 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Macclesfield more than matched the visitors in a goalless first half.

Rovers goalkeeper Robert Sanchez remained largely untroubled, however, saving a Tyrone Marsh shot and seeing efforts from Koby Arthur and Nathan Blissett sail wide.

Meanwhile, Silkmen goalkeeper Kieran O'Hara only had to watch wayward shots by Reece Brown and Joseph Mills find the crowd.

But all of the hosts' good work was undone less than two minutes into the second half, when substitute Dayle 'Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble' Grubb scored with his first touch, beating O'Hara with a well-struck free kick.

Macclesfield hit back to level soon after, Danny Whitaker splitting the defence and Scott Wilson latching onto his pass before slotting home.

Both sides pushed for a late winner but a point each was just reward for their efforts.

 

Can The Grambler actually make a profit for us this week? [Doubt that very much. - Ed.] Here are this week’s randomly predicted predictions which were predicted randomly in a random way. All matches kick off at 3pm on Saturday the 6th of October...

Game - Result - Odds

Birmingham vs Rotherham - Prediction Home win - 7/10

Middlesbrough vs Nottm. Forest - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Sheffield Utd. vs Hull - Prediction Home win - 3/5

Swansea vs Ipswich - Prediction Home win - 5/6

West Brom vs Reading - Prediction Home win - 8/15

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£8.46

 

That is sh... not very whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you who was in charge of the Scottish national team when they reached the World Cup Finals in 1998, the last time the team qualified. The answer was of course, Craig ‘Granpa’ Broon. Though his injury affected playing career was nothing to write home about (he was forced to retire from the game in his mid-twenties), he seemed to do reasonably well as a manager.

His first taste of coaching was as assistant manager at Motherwell (Yay!). He took on his first manager’s job at Clyde in 1977, winning promotion to the top division after just one season. He stayed with the Bully Wee for ten years in a part-time capacity (He was a primary school headmaster as well).

He returned to a full-time football position when he was appointed the coach for the Scotland under 21 squad in 1986 and became manager of the senior team in 1993.

After resigning in 2001 (having failed in qualifying for Euro 2000 and the 2002 World Cup) he joined Preston North End as manager in 2002.

He left that post in 2004 and worked for Derby County briefly in a consultancy role.

He returned to management in 2009 when he returned to Motherwell (Yay!). He lasted barely a year when he was headhunted by Aberdeen and moved there... aged 70.

Not many people start a new job at that age.

Okay. Too easy. Hopefully, this week’s will test you a little bit more. Who is the only player to have scored in a Champions League final, FA Cup final, UEFA Cup final and League Cup final? No... It isn’t Roy of the Rovers. Try again.
 
 

.....oooOooo.....
 

As usual, I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. Eb. Bragg who is involved in this week’s finishing link. Melvyn Bragg (There, I’ve stopped mocking his sinus trouble.) presented an arts programme called the South Bank Show for over thirty years and rarely did he show any sign of having a humorous side. However, in 1989, he was the ‘presenter’ of a spoof documentary about a fictitious ectaw (dear leddie) called Norbert Smith. The actor was played by an up and coming young comedian called Harry Enfield. I thought it would be nice to finish with that ‘mockumentary’ (Yeuch! I hate that word.), but unfortunately, the complete programme is not available on Ya tyoob. So, I will provide a link to the opening few minutes which should give you a flavour of (still) Harry Enfield’s greatest moments, in my opinion. Ladeez and genullum, please enjoy Norbert Smith: A Life... Well, some of it anyway.
 
 

 
Sir Norbert Smith
Ectaw extraordinaire


 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday, 28 September 2018

Week 9 - Have you been mis-grambled PPI


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Do you recall many years ago a scary moustachioed man on an advert who bellowed at us, 'Have you had an accident at work through no fault of your own?' He then went on to tell you how to make a claim with a no win no fee firm of lawyers. I'm not sure what percentage of the settled claim ended up in the lawyers pockets, but I'm guessing it must have been pretty substantial judging by the number of times this particular advertisement was shown.

I've had accidents at work when I've tripped over something or other. My reaction was not to go rushing to the nearest legal eagle to make a claim, but to simply say, 'Who put that fn plank/loose mat/wall there?' Usually these words were preceded and probably followed for some time afterwards by the word 'ow'.

My view when I saw those ads and the many others of the same ilk that followed was to say, 'Yes, so have I. Get over it. You should be more careful.'

Anyway, why am I discussing an advert which was first shown over twenty years ago?

Well, it seemed to be the beginning of the claim culture which is now so prevalent in this country. How many times has an advert asked you if you had been mis-sold PPI? [What's a proton pump inhibitor got to do with anything? - Ed.] Ahem... The strap line is that you may be due compensation. The fact that we are being asked the question suggests that PPI should never have been sold in the first place. The implication seems to be that every example was mis-sold. Should PPI even exist?

Any road up, a member of parliament has talked about, and criticised, this blame and claim culture. Basically, he feels that it has gone far enough and people should take some more, i.e. any, responsibility for their actions. Well done sir, I say. It's about time it was stopped. The only winners in my view are the fat cat lawyers who cream off (Do you see what I did there? Cat. Cream... Please yourselves.) their 10, 15 or 20 per cent from every case they win.

PPI claims? Surely every claim is going to be the same as every other one; the sums of money involved may alter, but the legal procedures will be exactly the same. The paperwork could be photocopied for all the differences there are. Just change the claimant’s name and the amount of money being sought.

Thank goodness someone has spoken up about lawyers jumping on any passing bandwagon that might guarantee some dosh coming their way for doing, let’s face it, not much.

Today I was looking through a magazine and noticed an advertisement... 'Have you bought a diesel-engined VW/Audi/Skoda/Seat? You could be due compensation.'

Give me strength!
 
 
Have you had an accident in a diesel Volkswagen
you bought with your PPI compensation?
 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 29th of September? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Miguel de Cervantes 1547 (Novelista. Wrote Donkey Hoaty.), Robert Clive 1725 (Aka Clive of India. He instigated many atrocities, demanded high taxes and forced the cultivation of crops which worsened famine in the country. He also became a multi-millionaire in the process. What a b*st*rd!), Horatio Nelson 1758 (Sailor. Started a craze for ‘kiss-me-quick’ hats.), Elizabeth Gaskell 1810 (Orfer. Cranford. That was one of hers.), László Bíró 1899 (Patented the first commercially viable ballpoint pen.), Billy Butlin 1899 (Ran the most successful chain of British holiday camps. If it hadn’t been for him, there would have been no Hi-De-Hi Beeb Beeb Ceeb sitcom. Curse you, Butlin!), Greer Garson 1904 (Ectress. Played Mrs Miniver. Nominated for ‘Best ectress’ Oscar seven times, but only won it once.), Gene Autry 1907 (Singing cowboy. Let’s see if I can find you a clip. Here he is back in the saddle.), Michelangelo Antonionionionioni 1912 (Regista e sceneggiatore. That’s got you thinking.), Trevor Howard 1913 (Ectaw, dear leddie.), Stanley Kramer 1913 (Film director and producer.), Stan Berenstain 1923 (Author and Illustrator. The bears... he did them.), Steve Forrest 1925 (Actor. Award winner. He got a ‘Razzie’ for Mommie Dearest.), Colin Dexter 1930 (Orfer. Morse. He wrote that.), Anita Ekberg 1931 (modell och skådespelerska. Another one to test you.), Lance Gibbs 1934 (Crickety bloke.), Jerry Lee Lewis 1935 (Musician. Here’s his Great Balls of Fire. You can get cream for that, you know.), Silvio Berlusconi 1936 (Politician who has problems keeping his trousers on.), Jim Baxter 1939 (Footy bloke.), Larry Linville 1939 (Actor. Frank Burns in M*A*S*H. That was him.), David Steele 1941 (Crickety bloke.), Madeline Kahn 1942 (Actress.), Ian McShane 1942 (Ector.), Jean-Luc Ponty 1942 (Musicien. Time for some jazz fusion.), Mohammad Khatami 1943 (سیاستمدار Ha! That’s floored you.), Lech Wałęsa 1943 (Polityk.), Mike Post 1944 (Musician. Have a clip. The northern soul groovers used to bop along to this... Afternoon of the Rhino.), Patricia Hodge 1946 (Ectress.), Sebastian Coe 1956 (Posh runny bloke turned politician.), Chris Broad 1957 (Crickety bloke.), Jack Dee 1961 (Comedian.), Julia Gillard 1961 (Strine prohm meeneester.), Ben Miles 1966 (Ectaw.), Brett Anderson 1967 (A bit of Suede. And here, indeed, is a bit of Suede. What you heard there was Trash.), Matt and Luke Goss 1967 (Two thirds, then the whole of Bros. Wonder if they’ll ever be famous.), Mackenzie Crook 1971 (Actor, comedian, writer, director and detectorist.), James Lance 1975 (Ectaw.) and Andriy Shevchenko 1976 (футболист и политик. Another one to confuse you.).

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Kanga,

I work for the ING bank in Bydgoszcz, Poland - probably the most northerly branch of the bank - and often pass the working day listening to British acts from the late eighties to early nineties. I am so pleased that you included a Bros song in this week’s selection of clips. Here’s a teaser for you. What was the group’s only UK number one?

Best wishes,

I. O’Yew, North ING.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? Back to being a bit rubbishy, I’m afraid. 64 pees. That’s all. From a £2.20 bet. Not very good. What happened? Read on...

 

Aston Villa vs Sheffield Wed - Prediction Home win

Result - Aston Villa 1 Sheffield Wed 2

Boo!

Wednesday took the lead just after the break when the ball broke to Marco Matias on the edge of the area and he fired a crisp shot into the bottom corner.

John McGinn levelled with a stunning volley that went in off the underside of the bar but Steven Fletcher scored Wednesday's winner with a header from a Joel Pelupessy cross.

 

Leeds vs Birmingham - Prediction Home win

Result - Leeds Utd 1 Birmingham City 2

What!

Che Adams struck twice in the opening 30 minutes for Birmingham, first with a low finish from the edge of the area that beat Leeds keeper Bailey Peacock-Farrell at his near post.

The 22-year-old forward doubled the visitors' lead after a swift counter-attack to help them earn a first win of the campaign.

Leeds halved the deficit through Ezgjan Alioski's low strike in the closing stages.

 

Middlesbrough vs Swansea - Prediction Home win

Result - Middlesbrough 0 Swansea 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Oli McBurnie and Martin Olsson went closest for the visitors, while a Tom Carroll cross hit the woodwork.

Boro's best chances fell to Daniel Ayala and Stewart Downing.

And that just about sums it up.

 

Sheffield Utd vs Preston - Prediction Home win

Result - Sheffield Utd 3 Preston North End 2

Yay! (About time)

David McGoldrick scored a late winner as Sheffield United edged past Preston North End, who had come from 2-0 down to equalise.

McGoldrick's low shot clinched victory for United in the 87th minute following a fine assist from Enda Stevens. [Edna? - Ed.]

A quiet first half was brought to life by Billy Sharp's right-footed shot from close range to open the scoring, before Chris Basham's looping header found the top corner from an Oliver Norwood free-kick.

Preston drew level with two goals in two minutes as Daniel Johnson's left-footed shot was followed moments later by Callum Robinson's similar effort, both finding the bottom left corner.

 

West Brom vs Millwall - Prediction Home win

Result - West Bromwich Albion 2 Millwall 0

Yay!

Dwight Gayle's poacher's instinct came to the fore as he pounced in the penalty area after Millwall goalkeeper Ben Amos had produced a stunning save to tip Ahmed Hegazi's header against the crossbar.

Kieran Gibbs completed the win for the hosts, firing home from an acute angle at the back post after latching on to Tyrone Mears' curling cross.

 

Ho hum. What can the great and powerful Grambler predict for us this week? Here are his/her/its random predictions for this week. All games kick off at 3.00pm this Saturday the 29th of September.

Game - Result - Odds

Bolton vs Derby - Prediction Away win - 19/20

Fleetwood vs Barnsley - Prediction Away win - 10/11

Plymouth vs Doncaster - Prediction Away win - 10/11

Cheltenham vs Lincoln - Prediction Away win - 10/11

Macclesfield vs Forest Green - Prediction Away win - 10/11

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£12.52

 

Uh oh. Too whopping and he/she/it has gone away for all five games again. This can only end in tears; you mark my words.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you what connects the nicknames of Southamption, Darlington and Plymouth Argyle. Did you spot it? The answer is religion. The clubs have the nicknames Saints, Quakers and Pilgrims.

What about one for this week? Let’s have a question relating to the Scottish national team. Who was in charge of the Scottish national team when they reached the World Cup Finals in 1998? That shouldn’t be too difficult.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual, I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr J. Dee who celebrates his birthday this weekend. Mr Dee has starred in a few amusing situation comedies, has hosted Live at the Apollo and is the ‘question master’ on Radio Four’s I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue, but his most famous TV moment is surely when he won the 2001 series of Celebrity Big Brother. Crikey has that programme been going as long as that? People are happy to watch some rubbish, aren’t they? [They’ll read it too, which is just as well for you. - Ed.]

Any road up, here are some of Jack’s amusing moments to finish this week’s (g)ramble...

 

In my local newspaper, they had this advert: 'please look after your neighbours in the cold weather'. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, and do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm all right. The lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for a fortnight.

 

One of my friends went on a murder weekend, now he is doing life for it.

 

People who are pro smacking children say, 'It's the only language they understand.' You could apply that to tourists.

 

I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs... like customs officers.

 

They call it 'surfing' the net. It's not surfing. It's typing in your bedroom.

 

My local's rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night-First question was, What the f*ck are you looking at?

The film industry is like Anne Robinson-always on the look-out for a new face

 

Studies show 1 in 5 British teens are unable to peel an orange... It's a good job they've all got knives then.

A sewage farm. In what way is it a farm? Is there a farm shop?

I read an article that said if you regularly drink two glasses of wine a day, you could be well on your way to becoming an alcoholic. I thought, if I regularly drank two glasses of wine a day I'd be well on my way to being cured of alcoholism.

The other night, this salesman phoned up and started banging on and on about buying car insurance. I'm not interested anyway. I don't even have car insurance, because I'm a careful driver.


I love to be in Britain, when it's hot weather. I love it when you get four or five days of hot weather, because then people in Kent run out of water, don't they? Know what I like to do? I like to ring them up, and play the sound of running water down the phone.

[Pretending to be on the telephone] Hello, I just washed my car. Probably water the lawn in a minute. Might have a bath, might not, see how I feel. I'll probably fill the bath, not even use it.

I've had my run-ins with booze; it's well documented. So what I can say from experience is that it takes a lot of guts and perseverance and courage to stop drinking. Which is why I haven't.

Koreans have recently brought out their own vegetarian version of an instant noodle snack. It's called Not Poodle.

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Sunday, 23 September 2018

Week 8 - It's the late late Grambler, once more


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

So.... (nod a bit)... it's farewell... (touch glasses)... to.... (more nodding)...Denis Norden... (touch glasses)... The slowest... (nod nod)... television presenter... (touch glasses again while nodding).................. ever.

Those of you of a certain age may remember old Denis... and, believe me, he was old... as the presenter of a programme called It'll be Alright on the Night; a selection of out-takes and mistakes that obviously couldn't be used.... except on a programme like this. It was hilarious. (It says here). It began over 40 years ago when Den was already in his mid fifties and seemed to run for eons (him as well as the programme).

I shouldn't mock it, because it's popularity was such that it seemed every comedy programme from then on copied the idea and had a few out takes tagged on at the end. Oh how we laughed.

Eventually, the genre (That's a good word. Must look it up.) became a parody of itself with even animators making short films of ‘bloopers’ to tag on the end of the main feature. Toy Story, for example, got the treatment.

Any road up, back to Mr Norden. Many are perhaps unaware that It'll be Alright on the Night was a late career move for him; he had started his show business career as a comedy script writer with Frank Muir. After some years as simply writers, tv and radio producers realised that their wit could actually be used in performing roles... Well, if appearing on panel games counts as performing. Thus, the two of them began a second career and became a sort of double act on programmes such as My Word and its spin off My Music.
However, I'm moving too quickly here, it was the first career which should interest us more. From the late nineteen forties through to the early nineteen sixties, Muir and Norden wrote for many radio and television comedies.

Their first huge success was a programme called Take It From Here which starred Jimmy Edwards, Dick Bentley and June Whitfield. I've actually used a clip from the programme as part of thegrambler.com in the past. They stuck with Jimmy Edwards when he moved to tv and wrote his series Whack-O which was about a crooked headmaster at a public school for boys. They followed that with another series for him entitled Faces of Jim.

Here's a factoid for you. Do you remember the film Carry On Cleo? The part where Kenneth Williams as Julius Caesar gets his comeuppance, he utters the most memorable Carry On line ever... 'Infamy. Infamy. They've all got it on for me.' Okay, it doesn't look so amusing when it's written down like that, but it was. Believe me. Anyway, it was a gag written by Muir and Norden. So now you know.

They carried on writing together but this would eventually take a back seat as their tv and radio appearance work took over. The partnership lasted over fifty years.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 22nd of September? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Anne of Cleves 1515 (Wife number four of Henry VIII. They were married for all of six months. She escaped with a divorce.), Michael Faraday 1791 (Scientist famous for his effect, cage, cup, constant, paradox, rotator, wave and wheel among other things.), Christabel Pankhurst 1880 (Queen of the mob.), Erich von Stroheim 1885 (Actor, screenwriter, director and producer), Paul Muni 1895 (Actor), Henry Segrave 1896 (World record setting bloke), John Houseman 1902 (Actor and producer), Rosamunde Pilcher 1924 (Orfer.), Eric Broadley 1928 (Engineer. Founder of Lola, el oh el ay Lola), Fay Weldon 1931 (Orfer), George Younger 1931 (Politician and banker... I said banker), Ingemar Johansson 1932 (Boxy bloke), Toni Basil 1943 (Singer who had a hit with Hey Mickey. ... erm... that’s it), King Sunny Adé 1946 (Musician. Have another clip; here’s Enia l'Asho Mi.), Mark Phillips 1948 (Stud.), David Coverdale 1951 (Chanter with Deep Purple and Whitesnake. Have another clip... Here he goes again.), Richard Fairbrass 1953 (Singer who’s deeply dippy.  No, I have no idea what it means either.), Debby Boone 1956 (Singer. Daughter of Pat who looks suitably proud in this cheesy video for You Light Up My Life.), Nick Cave 1957 (Musician. Have another clip. Here’s Into My Arms.), Andrea Bocelli 1958 (Rerr chanter. Here he is performing Con Te Partiro.), Joan Jett 1958 (Singer who loves rock and roll.), Scott Baio 1960 (Actor), Liam Fox 1961 (Politician from Polomint City), Catherine Oxenberg 1961 (Actress), Ruth Jones 1966 (Actress, isn’t it.), Sue Perkins 1969 (Comedian), Rupert Penry-Jones 1970 (Ectaw), Emmanuel Petit 1970 (Homme de football), Harry Kewell 1978 (Strine footy bloke.), Billie Piper 1982 (Singer turned actress. What? Another clip? Aye, go on then. Why?  Because we want to.) and Glenn Loovens 1983 (Voetballer).

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Fumbler,

I have always been a great fan of singer and actress Billie Piper and am so pleased that you included one of her songs in this week’s edition. The song you gave a link to was her first number one single. The second number one was called Girlfriend. Here’s a teaser for you, can you remember her third and, to date, final number one record?

Yours with knobs on,

Diane Ite.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? All right, actually. Made a wee profit for once. Not much. 30 pees. Better than a poke in the eye with a wet fish. What happened? Read on...

 

Newcastle vs Arsenal - Prediction Away win

Result - Newcastle 1 Arsenal 2

Yay!

Despite being frustrated in the first half, Granit Xhaka opened the scoring for the Gunners with an excellent long-range free-kick after the break, before Mesut Ozil followed up Alexandre Lacazette's blocked effort to double the advantage.

Ciaran Clark responded in stoppage time for the hosts.

 

Coventry vs Barnsley - Prediction Away win

Result - Coventry 1 Barnsley 0

Boo!

Conor Chaplin should have given the home side an early breakthrough when he somehow side-footed wide from six yards.

Jacob Brown spurned two clear-cut chances for Barnsley, firstly when he intercepted Junior Brown's backpass only to see goalkeeper Lee Burge touch his low shot on to a post before firing wide when well-placed from Mamadou Thiam's low cross.

Burge tipped Thiam's 20-yard curler over the bar five minutes into the second half, but at the other end, City were denied when Chaplin's fierce finish from a Jonson Clarke-Harris knockdown was disallowed for offside in the build-up.

An end-to-end affair saw scrambles in both boxes but City snatched the winner when Michael Doyle's free-kick was headed back inside by Dominic Hyam and Jordan Willis hurled himself forward to bundle in from close range.

 

Macclesfield vs Lincoln - Prediction Away win

Result - Macclesfield 1 Lincoln 2

Yay!

The Imps had had an alarmingly easy afternoon at the Moss Rose but looked to have thrown two points away when Jamie Grimes scrambled in an equaliser five minutes from time, cancelling out Tom Pett's first-half goal.

But centre-back Jason Shackell fired in through a crowd of players to increase the misery for second-bottom Macclesfield and keep Lincoln riding high.

In truth the struggling Silkmen had been overrun in a one-sided game, only the heroics of goalkeeper Kieran O'Hara seemingly earning a reward after impressively denying John Akinde, Pett and Harry Anderson.

O'Hara had performed heroics with his side barely able to lay a glove on their high-flying guests as Macclesfield's torment continued late into the game.

That was until Grimes pounced during a goalmouth scramble but, while Lincoln were not at their best, Shackell's goal moments later was enough for the win.

 

Brechin vs Raith Rovers - Prediction Away win

Result - Brechin 1 Raith Rovers 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Match report? Ha ha ha ha... This is a Scottish League One game and therefore unrecognised by the Beeb Beeb Ceeb.

Berwick vs Elgin - Prediction Away win

Result - Berwick 0 Elgin 3

Yay!

See above.

Okey dokey, let’s have a look what The Grambler has come up with this week.

Game - Result - Odds

Aston Villa vs Sheffield Wed - Prediction Home win - 4/7

Leeds vs Birmingham - Prediction Home win - 5/6

Middlesbrough vs Swansea - Prediction Home win - 13/20

Sheffield Utd vs Preston - Prediction Home win - 17/20

West Brom vs Millwall - Prediction Home win - 7/10

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£8.88

 

Hmm... That is distinctly unwhopping.

 

As this week’s edition is so late, I can tell you that these predictions turned out to be a bit rubbishy, only two proving to be correct. Sorry about that.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which club dropped Boscombe from its name in 1972. The answer, of course, is Premiershit team A.F.C. Bournemouth.

That was too easy, don’t you think? How about one for this week? Here’s a good un... What connects the football clubs Southamption, Darlington and Plymouth Argyle?  Hint: it's to do with nicknames.  Hmm... very interesting.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual, I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Messrs D. Norden and F. Muir who provide us with our final clip of the week.

Long long ago, when you went to the cinema, you didn't just watch one film and that was it, as happens nowadays. This is relevant, I assure you. There used to be an accompanying film (a 'B' movie), a news report and, sometimes, another short, informative film. Often, these took the form of travelogues about far off exotic lands which the average Brit had only ever read about in books; places like Tahiti, Peru or Bali might feature.

The clip I am giving you a link to is a spoof travelogue written by Muir and Norden. Ladeez and genullum, please enjoy Balham - Gateway to the South.
 
Pronounced Bal-ham
 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.