Friday, 12 April 2019

Week 34 - None shall pass


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Before you read this week’s rant, please take a moment to watch a short news item. Once again, doctors decided that somebody couldn’t possibly have bowel cancer because they were too young. This is why thegrambler.com continues week in, week out. Hopefully, you will enjoy the daft articles, the clips or the predictions, but always, always, consider the serious message behind the blog... Bowel cancer can hit anyone, no matter how young or old; it is a horrible disease and, if it isn’t treated early enough, a killer. It is the third most commonly occurring cancer in Scotland, accounting for nearly 12% of cancer cases. One eighth of all cancers found; that is a huge proportion. And yet, it is still overlooked by doctors unaware that it is not restricted to the over fifties. If you ever feel that you have symptoms which might be bowel cancer, demand, yes, demand to be checked out.

Right. Lecture over. Now let’s get on with the usual mince.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

I've mentioned certain jobsworths in this blog before. You know, those people who will not deviate from any rule or regulation no matter how sensible it might be to do so. I have just met another one and it won't come as much of a surprise when I tell you that she is, that most jobsworthy of jobsworths, a doctor's receptionist.

I needed to make an appointment to see a doctor. I had already been through that ritual of phoning the surgery at one second past half past eight on the morning to find that every line was engaged. By the time I actually got through, some 87 redials (seriously) later, every appointment for the day had been allocated.

I tried a different approach. First thing in the morning, I visited the surgery. My thinking was that, if I couldn't get through on the phone, I couldn't be ignored if I was standing in front of the receptionist. Wrong. Several people were busy answering phone calls while I waited. And waited. And waited. I felt like Peter Brady (ask your dad).

Eventually, after about ten minutes of being ignored, somebody put down the phone and addressed me,

'Can I help you?'

'I'd like to make an appointment.'

'You'll have to phone at half past eight in the morning.'

'I've tried that and couldn't get through. Can't you give me an appointment here and now?'

'I'm not allowed to.'

'Why not?'

'It's how our system works.'

'But it obviously isn't working. Can't you make an exception?'

'I can't.'

'Why not?'

'If I did that for you, I'd have to do it for everyone.'

'No you wouldn't. I'm the only one here asking you to make an exception.'

'Sorry I can't do that. Our system doesn't allow it.'

'Of course it would. I won't tell anybody.'

'I'm sorry. I can't do that. The system...'

'...I know. Doesn't allow it.'

'And besides, all the appointments are full.'

'I might have known. Have you got appointments available tomorrow?'

'Oh yes.'

'Well, I'll have one of those then.'

'I'm sorry. I can't do that. You'll have to phone for an appointment at half past eight tomorrow morning.'

'But, I'm here now. Pretend I am making a phone call and you give me an appointment.'

'I can't do that. The system doesn't allow it.'

You may have heard my scream of anguish at that point.

Okay, they have a system in place. That's great. It means that those who need urgent attention can be seen. However, they ought to be able to allow a few appointment slots for non-urgent cases.

The receptionist told me there was a system. She told me how it works. She told me how to use it. What she didn't explain was why it was so important that it had to be adhered to no matter what.

My own take on the matter is that it needn't be so strictly adhered to. Having encountered this particular lady on numerous occasions, I know just how jobsworthy she can be...

'There is an item on my repeat prescription list that hasn't been updated correctly; can I get a prescription from you?'

'You have to phone the automated prescription line.'

'I have done. It doesn't allow for any changes.'

'I'm sorry, but that is the way the system works. I can't change it.'

'Surely, there is some way of me getting the correct medication.'

'I'll do it for you this time, but I can't do it again. And don't call me Shirley.'

Okay, she didn't say that last bit... more than her jobs worth to inject some humour into proceedings.

That is how the woman works. It is her little bit of power. She always likes to put obstacles in the way of everything. Then, she pretends that she is doing you some sort of favour by acceding to your request.

The next time I had a similar problem, a different person answered the phone and made the change without any suggestion that it was problematic.

I would suggest that Mrs Jobsworth, by being so inflexible, is not a benefit to the practice but an actual hindrance. By putting barriers up when anyone asks for something, she is probably carrying out only half the tasks her fellow workers do.

I think a wee link to finish might be a good idea. Here is the blueprint for a typical doctor's receptionist... None shall pass. Those who don’t like a bit of good old black comedy, look away now. .

 
 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or notorious people born on the 13th of April? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Guy Fawkes 1570 (Please come back. We need you.), Thomas Jefferson 1743 (The well-known president. Invented the airplane, or was it starship?), Richard Trevithick 1771 (Steam locomotive pioneer.), Alexander Mitchell 1780 (Invented the screw-pile lighthouse [Sounds painful... Oh, I didn’t see the word lighthouse. - Ed.], Josephine Butler 1828 (Feminist and social reformer. She campaigned for women’s suffrage, the right of women to better education, the abolition of child prostitution and an end to human trafficking of young women and children into European prostitution. Well, thank goodness we’ve come so far and over 150 years after her campaigns such barbaric practices no longer exis... hang on.), Frank Winfield Woolworth 1852 (Shopkeeper.), Robert Parker 1866 (Who? Better known as Butch Cassidy. Looked nothing like Paul Newman.), Arthur Harris 1892 (Head of RAF Bomber Command during WWII. Known as ‘Bomber’ to the press and ‘Butcher’ within the RAF.), Robert Watson-Watt 1892 (Radar pioneer.), Alfred Butts 1899 (Inventor of Scrabble. His middle name was M3O1S1H4E1R1.), Philippe de Rothschild 1902 (Racey car drivery type bloke, screenwriter and playwright, theatrical producer, film producer, poet, and one of the most successful wine growers in the world. If you are expecting me to call him a right old smarty boots, I’m not going to. He came from a wealthy family; he did the sort of things coming from a wealthy family allows you to do. I wonder if he was any of those things... apart from the wine part.), Samuel Beckett 1906 (Wroiter.), Lawrence ‘Bud’ Freeman 1906 (Musician. Here’s your first clip of the week... a bit of a slippery customer.), Howard Keel 1919 (Ectaw and chanter. Another clip? All together now... Bless your beautiful hahd...), John Braine 1922 (Orfer and angry young man.), Julius Nyerere 1922 (The well-known president.), Don Adams 1923 (Ectaw. Maxwell Smart. That was him.), Stanley Donen 1924 (Jigger.), Alan Clark 1928 (Car-mad politician.), Dan Gurney 1931 (Racey car drivery bloke that could pull horrible faces.), Edward Fox 1937 (Ectaw. Dave the jackal. That was him.), Seamus Heaney 1939 (Wroiter.), Philip Norman 1943 (Orfer.), Jack Casady 1944 (A bit of Jefferson Airplane. Another clip? Here’s somebody to love.), Lowell George 1945 (A little foot. Here’s another clip. Time for the rock and roll doctor.), Al Green 1946 (Singer who’s tired of being alone.), Mike Chapman 1947 (Half of the songwriting machine known as ‘Chinnichap’. Here’s some girls. [Here are some girls, I think that should read. - Ed.]), Christopher Hitchins 1949 (Orfer.), Ron Perlman 1950 (Ectaw. Hellboy. That was him.), Peabu Bryson 1951 (Chanter. If ever you’re in his arms again, you’ll be able to sing this in Portuguese.), Peter Davison 1951 (Ectaw. The fifth... no, sixth... no, definitely fifth Doctor Who.), Jonjo O’Neill 1952 (Horse racey bloke.), Stephen Byers 1953 (Politician.), Jimmy Destri 1954 (A bit of Blondie. Here’s a video of Atomic... Jimmy’s the one pretending to push keys on the synthesizer.), Louis Johnson 1955 (Bassist for Brothers Johnson. Known as ‘Thunder Thumbs’. Let’s have a Stomp!), Rudi Völler 1960 (Fußballer. Known as Aunt Käthe.), Hillel Slovak 1962 (The original geetarist with Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Let’s funk... I said funk... Red Hot! Chileeee! Peperzzzz!), Garry Kasparov 1963 (Chess player... erm... that’s it.), Davis Love 1964 (Golfy bloke.), John Swinney 1964 (Politician.), Ricky Schroder 1970 (Ectaw. Dolly Parton’s dad.), Lou Bega 1975 (Singer. Here’s his hit. You know this one.), Carles Puyol 1978 (Futbolista.) and Jason Maguire 1980 (Horse racey bloke.).

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Ewekdobbelaar,

I was surprised that you played the earliest hit that Jefferson Airplane had rather than the more famous Alice in Wonderland song. It was all about drugs and things like that. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the title... Perhaps it’s the drugs.

Yours something or otherly,

Y. Trabbet.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. What happened a week ago? A total of only 72 pees back from our £2.20 stake money. Rubbish or what? What happened? Read on...

 

Fleetwood Town vs Southend - Prediction Home win

Result - Fleetwood Town 2 Southend United 2

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Fleetwood Town twice fought back from behind to deny Southend victory.

Southend opened the scoring in the 20th minute as Harry Bunn capitalised on a defensive error.

Fleetwood came out fighting in the second half with substitutes Ash Hunter and Ashley Nadesan making an impact.

Paddy Madden was thwarted by the toe of Shrimpers keeper Nathan Bishop and Hunter's corner crashed onto the bar.

Town got their goal minutes later as Nadesan's delightful ball split open Southend's defence to send Ched Evans clear and he finished well.

Southend's Luke Hyam gave the Shrimpers the lead again in the 81st minute when Fleetwood failed to clear a free-kick.

However, Evans scored from the spot after Madden was ruled to have been fouled by Harry Lennon in the box.

 

Luton vs Blackpool - Prediction Home win

Result - Luton Town 2 Blackpool 2

Ooh! ’It the bar!

In the first half, Town took the lead after six minutes when Kazenga LuaLua's low cross was swept home by James Collins.

Blackpool levelled on the half-hour when Nya Kirby volleyed home from 20 yards.

After the break, Hatters goalkeeper James Shea made an excellent save from Armand Gnanduillet's header.

Luton were dealt a huge blow when Collins was sent off on the hour after picking up two yellows in two minutes, the second a lunging challenge on Matty Virtue.

Blackpool took immediate advantage with Virtue hammering home from a corner just 60 seconds later.

Shea saved crucially from Gnanduillet, before substitute Jason Cummings ensured Luton picked up a draw, while fellow sub George Moncur almost won it at the death.

 

Peterborough vs Gillingham - Prediction Home win

Result - Peterborough United 2 Gillingham 0

Yay!

Marcus Maddison's penalty after 57 minutes was a rare note of goalmouth action in a match lacking quality, with goalkeeper Tomas Holy sent the wrong way from 12 yards after Siriki Dembele was adjudged to have been fouled by Max Ehmer.

The Gills goalkeeper had been alert earlier in the match to save with his legs from Ivan Toney, while - just before half-time - the visitors' top scorer Tom Eaves had a header tipped round the post by Aaron Chapman.

Matt Godden sealed the win with five minutes remaining, flicking the ball onto Maddison who squared it back to the striker for a simple finish.

 

Rochdale vs Sunderland - Prediction Away win

Result - Rochdale 1 Sunderland 2

Yay!

The Black Cats had to come from behind to secure the three points, Charlie Wyke having cancelled out Ian Henderson's first-half opener for the home side.

Sunderland started the stronger of the teams and it took a superb save from home goalkeeper Josh Lillis to keep out a Will Grigg effort.

But Dale took the lead against the run of play in the 27th minute when Henderson collected Joe Bunney's centre and fired past Jon McLaughlin.

Lillis produced yet another fine save four minutes before the break when Max Power's curling effort threatened to sneak into the top corner of his goal.

However, the visitors levelled 10 minutes into the second half when Wyke turned Jim McNulty and slotted home.

And the Black Cats' turnaround was complete in the 88th minute when Bryan Oviedo's persistence on the right paid off, his delivery into the six-yard area turned home by substitute George Honeyman.

 

Shrewsbury vs Scunthorpe - Prediction Home win

Result - Shrewsbury 1 Scunthorpe 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Shrewsbury's Greg Docherty had an early chance when his shot was well kept out by the feet of Scunthorpe goalkeeper Jak Alnwick.

The visitors took the lead in the 22nd minute as Tony McMahon's cross from the right was headed home by Kyle Wootton.

James Bolton then headed wide for the hosts and Omar Beckles was denied by a goal-line clearance from James Perch.

Lee Novak came close to doubling Scunthorpe's lead in the second half when his header was tipped over by goalkeeper Jonathan Mitchell.

Shrewsbury kept pushing forward in search of an equaliser and it came in the 84th minute as Shaun Whalley's inviting low cross from the right went in off Adam Hammill.

 

How unlucky is that? Three ’It the bars. Let’s see if The Grambler can improve on that this week. What has he/she/it predicted for us?

Game - Prediction - Odds

Burnley vs Cardiff - Prediction Home win - 5/6

Aston Villa vs Bristol City - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Middlesbrough vs Hull - Prediction Home win - 19/20

Sheffield Utd vs Millwall - Prediction Home win - 8/13

West Brom vs Preston - Prediction Home win - 10/11

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£10.98

 

A smidgen more whopping than last week.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you to work out some football teams’ nicknames. How did you get on?

West Bromwich Albion - The Baggies (or The Throstles, or Albion)

Sheffield United - The Blades (or Red and White Wizards)

Fleetwood Town - The Fishermen (or The Trawlermen)

Scunthorpe United - The Iron

York City - The Minstermen

Derby County - The Rams

Reading - The Royals

Bury - The Shakers

Blackpool - The Seasiders (or The ‘Pool, or The Tangerines)

Burnley - The Clarets

Too easy? What about one for this week? Name all the teams that have won the Premier League since its inception. Another easy one, I reckon.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. L. Johnson and his brother who provide us with an interesting image to end this week’s edition. It’s a while since we had a dodgy album cover; does this count?

 
Unusual album cover from George aka 'Lightnin' Licks'
and Louis aka 'Thunder Thumbs'.
Hmm... Discuss.


 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com
 
Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 6 April 2019

Week 32/33 - A grambling good quiz night


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

 

Did you miss The Grambler's rant last week? Who said no? Come on. Own up.

Anyway, there was a very good reason for there being no edition of your favourite blog last week. Last Friday was the sixth annual Kick Cancer's Backside Pub Quiz run in Stewart's memory by his friends.

Stewart, the founder of the world’s greatest ill-informed blog, had he lived, would have been 34 years old this week. It is, then, rather apt that his life was celebrated this very week.

It was rather a busy time for Mrs G and myself together with many others who were preparing everything to ensure that the evening went without a hitch.

This year we 'supersized' by holding the quiz in a venue that held 180 people instead of previous years' venues which held between 100 and 150. It shouldn't have presented any problems, after five quizzes, those involved knew the ropes, so to speak.

The venue was our local British Legion social club. That reminds me of a joke... Did you hear about the bloke who ran away from home to join the British Legion?

No, I don't believe I harve.

Hello Arthur. You don't believe you have what?

Heard about the charp who ran away to join the British Legion. What about him?

No no, it's a joke. He ran away from home to join the British Legion. Instead of the Foreign Legion. He was daft. That's the joke.

Well it doesn't sound very armusing to me. The poor fellow must harve been an trifle confusled.

No. It's only a joke. You know how people used to run away from home to join the French foreign legion... or the army or navy for that matter.

Ah, he was in the army. An ex sarvicemarn. Ooh well, he wasn't making an mistake. He was perfectly entitled.

To what?

To join the British Legion; a socianal club where ex sarvicemen carn meet up with old colleagues to chart about their time in the sarvices.

He isn't real. He didn't do it. It's only a joke.

It may be an joke to you but it's very important to any old soldier... or sailor... or royal airforce... erm... whatever it is they're called... to meet with old friends.

Look! It's a joke. I wish I hadn't told it now.

I wish you hadn't, and all. It's not ars if it's even funny.

I think I should move on quickly.

Yes the venue was the local British Legion... shut up Arthur... which was new to us.

One area where we always seemed to have problems was with the sound systems in previous venues. I don't have the strongest of voices as quizmaster so a good sound system is a must.

No problem, we were assured, this place has got a terrific sound system.
All the organisers got there nice and early and put out all the nibbles on the tables, pictures of Stewart on the wall, food for the buffet on tables in a cool part of the hall. Raffle prizes were placed near the stage so that everyone could see what they wouldn't win.

Everything was all set for the start of the biggest quiz yet.

I started my spiel with a joke... Fred Flintstone went to a party in the Middle East - it was an Abu Dhabi do.

Not that funny, but I thought it might get a laugh.

Unfortunately, it came out as Fred.... tone....twap.... in.... least....san... bidoo.

The ghost of Norman Collier was abroad. (Ask your dad.) The allegedly terrific sound system was playing silly beggars.

We muddled through for a while with this very frustrating set-up until the music round when, right in the middle of Wake Me Up Before You Go Go, the system just packed in. [In the middle of Wake Me Up Before You Go go? Who could blame it? - Ed.]

Thus, less than halfway through the quiz, we had no mike and it was a big hall; people had been struggling to hear me when I was using the microphone, now, they couldn't hear a thing. And to compound the problem, a party was kicking off in an adjacent room with music loud enough to force Manuel Noriega to surrender (Ask your dad.).

Things were looking bleak.

Who could help to sort out this shambles? Enter superhero Andy. He told us that they had a speaker and microphone at his church and that he could go and get it...

'They have a speaker and microphone at my church; I could go and get it.'

So Andy hotfooted it to his church in search of the said gear.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we had to do something to prevent the mob from getting angry. Food. That was the answer. Time to unwrap the buffet. Phew. Just what we needed.

By the time Andy returned with the mike and amp, the mob were suitably subdued thanks to the food and the copious amounts of booze consumed during this unscheduled interval.

The second half of the quiz was certainly an improvement on the first, although those seated close to the adjacent venue still had difficulty hearing me above the racket from next door.

The event turned from being something of a disaster into a not quite resounding success.

What was a success, however, was the amount raised for the Bobby Moore fund...

£2432

raised on the night. Not bad in the circumstances. Stewart would have been proud to see that his friends were working so hard to raise money for the charity which was so close to his heart... and bowels.

People's reactions to this year’s quiz? Mixed, I think...

‘The long breaks gave us a chance to have a wee chat with each other rather than having to concentrate totally on the quiz. Best one yet. Save us tickets for next year.’

That was nice. Then there was...

‘We were totally put off by the interruptions; we couldn't concentrate on the quiz. The worst one ever. We won't be back.’

Geez! You can't fn win.
 
Te..ing, ...ting, ....ing
 

 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? And, as there was no edition of the world’s greatest ill-informed blog last week, you are treated to two weeks of birthday honours... again.
Were any famous or notorious people born on the 30th of March? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Francisco Goya 1746 (Painter... very reasonable rates.), Robert Bunsen 1811 (Chemist... Guess what he invented.), Anna Sewell 1820 (Orfer. Factoid - Only had one book published in her lifetime and died before benefitting from its success. That book was Black Beauty.), Vincent van Gogh 1853 (Another painter. Cue dreadful joke - ‘Hey up Vince; want a pint?’ ‘No thanks, I’ve got one ‘ere.’), Seán O’Casey 1880 (Another orfer.), Sergey Ilyushin 1894 (Plane maker.), Ted Heath 1902 (Bandleader and prime minister... hang on, that can’t be right. Have a clip Here’s Sucu Sucu. [Ooer missus. - Ed.] It's pronounced sookoo sookoo and not what you were thinking. [Oh. - Ed.]), Albert Pierrepoint 1905 (Executioner.), Frankie Laine 1913 (Chanter who seemed to corner the market in ‘cowboy’ theme toons. Here’s an example. All together now... Rolling, rolling, rolling...), Sonny Boy Williamson 1914 (Singer/songwriter. Here’s a song which was later recorded by the Yardbirds... Not too sure about those lyrics.), Tom Sharpe 1928 (Yet another orfer.), John Astin 1930 (Ectaw. Gomez Addams. That was him.), R*lf H*rr*s 1930 (Nonce.), Warren Beatty 1937 (Ectaw. The man with the golden globes, apparently.), Norman Gifford 1940 (Crickety bloke.), Graeme Edge 1941 (A Moody Blue. Here he is In Dreams), Eric Clapton 1945 (A geetarist, apparently. [Apparently?!! Apparently?!! He’s God, is Eric Clapton! God! - Ed.] Calm down... I gather you’re a fan. You’d better have a clip, then. Here’s Layla. Who’s the baldy bloke on drums?), Eddie Jordan 1948 (Racey car bloke.), Mervyn King 1948 (Ex-Bank of England boss and darts player... hang on, that can’t be right.), Jim ‘Dandy’ Mangrum 1948 (A bit of Black Oak Arkansas.  Hey Y'All.), Dana Gillespie 1949 (Singer, it says here. Have a clip. Here’s Andy Warhol.), Robbie Coltrane 1950 (Danny McGlone.), Randy Vanwarmer 1955 (Musician. Had one big hit. He got it just when he needed it most. Is that Pan’s People?), Martina Cole 1959 (Orfer.), Stanley Burrell 1962 (Who? Better known as MC Hammer. A clip?  Hammer time...), Tracy Chapman 1964 (Musician. Here’s her fast car.), Piers Morgan 1965 (Complete and utter cu... [Enough! - Ed.] I was going to say colourful individual.), Celine Dion 1968 (Chanter. Another clip? I suppose it has to be this one.), Karel Poborský 1972 (Fotbalista.), Jan Koller 1973 (Další fotbalista.), Norah Jones 1979 (Musician. Have another clip. It’s Sunrise.), Sergio Ramos 1986 (Matón.) and Calum Elliot 1987 (Ex-Motherwell footballer.).
And now, April 6th...
Raffaello Sanzio da Urbino 1483 (Who? Oh, Raphael... the painter.), René Lalique 1860 (Glazier.), John Parry-Thomas 1884 (Racey car bloke. He was the first driver to be killed in pursuit of the land speed record.), Anthony Fokker 1890 (Aircraft manufacturer. Began building planes when he was just 20.), Erwin Komenda 1904 (Car designer.), Ian Paisley 1926 (Shouty man.), Willis Hall 1929 (Orfer.), André Previn 1929 (Musician.), Merle Haggard 1937 (Curntry sanger. Time for a clip. Here’s Working Man Blues. Could do with some sub-titles, there.), Billy Dee Williams 1937 (Ectaw. Lando Calrissian. Guess what the Dee stands for. December. That’s his real middle name.), Paul Daniels 1938 (Entertainer. I liked him... not a lot.), Gheorghe Zamfir 1941 (Panpiper. Here’s a lonely shepherd.), Anita Pallenberg 1942 (Girlfriend of various members of the Rolling Stones. This was purportedly written about her.), M*x Cl*ff*rd 1943 (Nonce.), Roger Cook 1943 (Journo.), John Ratzenberger 1947 (Ectaw. The voice of Hamm.), Patrick Hernandez 1949 (Chanteur. Here’s his hit, Born to be Alive. [Erm... Isn't that generally how life works, or am I missing something? -Ed.]), Pascal Rogé 1951 (Ivory tickler. Have a bit of Debussy.), Christopher Franke 1953 (Musician. Have some prog.  Here's Purple Waves.), Dilip Vengsarkar 1956 (Crickety bloke.), Rory Bremner 1961 (Impressionist.), Jonathan Firth 1967 (Ectaw.), Zach Braff 1975 (Ectaw. A scrubber.), Georg ‘Goggi’ Hólm 1976 (A bit of Sigur Rós. Time for another clip. Here’s the rather beautiful Hoppípolla.) and Robert Earnshaw 1981 (Pêl-droediwr.).
 
I’ve received a letter...
Dear Mr Slučakockar,
Thank you for the clip from my very favourite singer, Frankie Laine. He was a big star in the nineteen-fifties when I was a gel. He had a few number one discs I well remember. One of them was also recorded many years later by that fine Scottish songstress, Barbara Dickson. However, the memory is fading a bit these days and I can’t remember which. Can you help?
Yours sincerely,
Anne Surmy.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. What happened a fortnight (and a week) ago? A total of only £5.80 back from our £4.40 stake money. Yay! A profit. I won’t bore you with details. Instead, let’s see this week’s predictions. Remember all matches kick off at 3pm on Saturday the 6th of April.
 
 
Game - Result - Odds
Fleetwood Town vs Southend - Prediction Home win - 5/6
Luton vs Blackpool - Prediction Home win - 11/20
Peterborough vs Gillingham - Prediction Home win - 19/20
Rochdale vs Sunderland - Prediction Away win - 4/5
Shrewsbury vs Scunthorpe - Prediction Home win - 10/11
 
The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...
 

£10.32

 

I’ve seen more whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week... sorry two weeks ago... I asked you to work out some anagrams. How did you get on?
Craves Clement - Steve McClaren
Lay Frames - Alf Ramsey
Oven Ride - Don Revie
A Huge Ghost Treat - Gareth Southgate
Goody Horns - Roy Hodgson
Clams Already - Sam Allardyce
Enters Bravely - Terry Venables
Capable Folio - Fabio Capello
One Wrongdoer - Ron Greenwood
 
One for this week? Here’s another list type teaser for you. What are the nicknames of the following clubs?
West Bromwich Albion
Sheffield United
Fleetwood Town
Scunthorpe United
York City
Derby County
Reading
Bury
Blackpool
Burnley
Try that without resorting to Googly.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual, I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr A. Previn for this week’s closing item. Andre Previn died just over a month ago aged 89 and as this extract from Wikipedia attests, he was respected musician...
 
André George Previn, born Andreas Ludwig Priwin; April 6, 1929 February 28, 2019) was a German-American pianist, composer, arranger, and conductor.
His career was three-pronged. Starting by arranging and composing Hollywood film scores for Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Previn was involved in the music for over 50 films over his entire career. He won four academy awards for his film work and ten Grammy awards for his recordings (and one more for his lifetime achievement). He was also the music director of the Houston Symphony Orchestra, the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra, the Los Angeles Philharmonic, and the Oslo Philharmonic, as well as the principal conductor of the London Symphony Orchestra and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. In jazz, Previn was a pianist-interpreter and arranger of songs from the ‘Great American Songbook’, was piano-accompanist to singers of jazz standards, and was a trio pianist. All along the way, his efforts were recorded; much of the way, they garnered acclaim and awards.
 
Quite a career, I am sure you would agree. His personal life was no less colourful having been married five times. He famously fathered twins to third wife Mia Farrow while she was still married to Frank Sinatra (Brave man messing with ‘the hoodlum from Hoboken’.).
And yet his most celebrated moment of all was in 1971 when he became Mr Andrew Preview  for the night.
Unfortunately, that sketch is not available on-line in its entirety. Hopefully, that short tribute gives you a taste of the moment when Andre Previn became a comedy legend.
 
That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com
 
Happy grambling.
 

Friday, 22 March 2019

Week 30/31 - The Grambler dresses up


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

 

What did you used to dress up as at Halloween when you were a nipper?

That's an odd start to this week's edition of the world's greatest ill-informed blog, you must be thinking. I say must... maybe you're not thinking that at all. How would I know? I'm just saying you might be thinking that. Mmm... aye.
Anyway, you might also be thinking that I'm a bit early. It's March, for goodness' sake. Halloween isn't until the end of October.

There is a reason for asking. If you were like me, you probably went out guising... that's what kids do in Scotland... none of this trick or treating lark... dressed in something homemade. Cowboys were a popular choice of outfit when I were a lad. [Uh oh, Hovis time. - Ed.] All it needed was a toy gun and a cowboy hat. Nurses' outfits were a popular choice for girls.

I do remember the first time I went out guising at Halloween. I was four and the family had just moved to polo mint city from Derby. Down there, nobody really did Halloween, but up here in Scotland it was a big event in a child's calendar. So it was all a new experience to my big brother and me. My mother, who was a pretty accomplished seamstress, really seemed to relish the chance to make some interesting outfits. My own was quite simple to achieve, although by today's standards a wee bitty racist. I was what used to be known as an ‘onion Johnny’ (which had nothing to do with flavoured condoms). An onion Johnny was a French onion seller who got on his bike and crossed the channel to flog his wares. Basically, my outfit consisted of a pair of jeans, a stripy shirt and a beret. Okay, so mum didn't spend a great deal of time over my outfit... I think she painted a French looking moustache on my mush and threw a string of onions around my neck. Et voila! Le Johnny d'oignon.

She did, however, pull out all the stops for my nine year old brother’s outfit. If my outfit was a bit racist, his was incredibly racist. He was dressed as a ‘Coolie’, an offensive term even then for a labourer from China. Seamstress mum took a length of material and dyed it black before using it to make what, to me, looked like a pair of pyjamas. However, my mother was convinced that this was traditional attire as worn by inhabitants of China. She also made a coolie hat out of black cardboard in a flattish cone shape. To this was sewn a black pleated pigtail. My brother’s eyes received some eyeliner to give a look that Prince Philip might have called slitty-eyed and a droopy moustache was painted on to finish off the ensemble.

Having dressed up, we were made to knock on neighbours’ doors and perform a ‘party piece’ for them. A song was always popular, as was a little poem or joke. I can’t remember what I did, but almost 60 years on, I can remember my brother’s offering. It was a joke which my father made up and thought amusing, but I am certain that my brother hadn’t got a clue what it meant. Are you ready for this? My brother announced himself thus: ‘My name is Ray Ling, a Chinese fence.’ That was it. Not funny then; not funny now.

Where is all this rambling leading? As years passed, people made less and less effort with halloween costumes. Black bin bags became very useful instead of actual sewn outfits. A few suitably shaped bits of paper glued onto a bin bag could create anything from a skeleton to a superhero. So much easier.

Easier still is the current trend of simply buying a ready-made costume. Want to be a Disney character? No problem. There are loads out there in fancy dress shops. Superhero? Yep. A profession that wears a uniform? Check.

Yes, any outfit you could ever want is available for no effort whatsoever. Gone are the days when a mum or dad spent time being creative and making a costume that was unique for each child. At the last school halloween disco (Yeah, I know... Who came up with that one?) my grandchildren attended, most of the boys were dressed as the superhero from whatever was the popular superhero film of the day and most of the girls were dressed as the princess from the then current popular Disney film. It was as if they had changed out of their school uniforms to simply don another. A little bit sad, don’t you think?

That still doesn’t explain why I am mentioning halloween some seven months before it is due to happen. There is another ‘dressing up day’ kid on the block: World Book Day is held in March. The first was held back in the late nineteen nineties, but it is only in recent years that it has taken off, so to speak. School teachers encourage children to dress up as a favourite character in a book. Nice idea, you would agree. Do I have a problem with that? Initially, no. The first couple of times it was held, I thought it marvellous. Mums and dads were again using their ingenuity to create an interesting costume for their children to wear.

This year, however, oh dear. The shops were full of costumes... Harry Potter, Willy Wonka, Dennis the Menace, Alice in Wonderland, Little Red Riding Hood, the Gruffalo and countless others are available to purchase ready-made so that you can dress your child to be just like everyone else... and, hey, no effort, indeed, no thinking, is required.

How sad that businesses have once again hijacked something that we all used to have... imagination.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? And, as there was no edition of the world’s greatest ill-informed blog last week, you are treated to two weeks of birthday honours.

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 16th of March? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Georg Ohm 1789 (Physicist. Came up with Ohm’s Law. Well, he would, wouldn’t he.), Henny Youngman 1906 (Comedian, it says here. ‘Take my wife... please’ was his best known gag. [Ha bloody ha. - Ed.]), Nawab of Pataudi 1910 (Crickety bloke.), Josef Mengele 1911 (Crazy doctor.), Aldo van Eyck 1918 (Architect.), John Addison 1920 (Composer. Here is your first clip of the week - music composed for A Bridge Too Far.), Leo McKern 1920 (Ectaw, dear leddie.), Jerry Lewis 1926 (Comedian, it says here.), Roger Norrington 1934 (Violinist and conductor. Here he is conducting some Berlioz. [They look like musicians to me. - Ed.]), Bernardo Bertolucci 1940 (Director.), Erik Estrada 1949 (A chip.), Kate Nelligan 1950 (Ectress.), James Bradford aka Jimmy Nail 1954 (Actor and singer. Here’s one of his ’its; something about a pair of shoes.), Nancy Wilson 1954 (Geetarist with Heart. Another clip? Here’s What About Love.), Jenny Eclair 1960 (Comedian.), Jerome Flynn 1963 (Actor and singer. Bronn. Had a few ’its with Robson Green. Here’s their first biggie, Unchained Melody as performed on Soldier Soldier.), Mark Carney 1965 (Governor of the Bank of England.), Aisling Bea 1984 (Comedian.) and Theo Walcott 1989 (Footy bloke.).

Now then... What about the 23rd of March?

Thomas Selle 1599 (Composer. Let’s have a bit of brock.), Johann Matthias Sperger 1750 (Another composer. Here’s some bass without the drum.), Franz Schreker 1878 (Yet another composer. Here he is with the wind.), Joan Crawford 1904 (Ectress.), Wernher von Braun 1912 (Rocket man... burning out his fuse up here alone.), Donald Campbell 1921 (Daredevil who held the world land speed record.), Roger Bannister 1929 (Plucky runny chep from the British empah, don’t-cha-know.), Viktor Korchnoi 1931 (He played chess. I’m sure he did other things as well, but that’s what he is remembered for.), Barry Cryer 1935 (Writer and comedian.), Craig Breedlove 1937 (Daredevil who held the world land speed record. Ever had a feeling of deja vu?), Terry Paine 1939 (Footy bloke.), Ric Ocasek 1943... or it might have been 1944 (A Car. Here’s a toon you may recognise... Drive. [You missed out the L. - Ed.]), Tony McPhee 1944 (A Groundhog. Here’s an eccentric man with an eccentric hairstyle.), Michael Nyman 1944 (Composer and pianist. Here’s a piece you should remember... The Old Joanna.), Alan Bleasdale 1946 (Writer... Gizza job.), Wasim Bari 1948 (Crickety bloke.), Chaka Khan 1953 (Chanter. Chaka Chaka Chaka Khan... Chaka Khan...), Steve Redgrave 1962 (Rower. No, not someone who fell out out with people; he used to row a wee boat.), Damon Albarn 1968 (A blurry gorilla. How about a clip? Here’s Feel Good Inc.), Mike Atherton 1968 (Crickety bloke.), Gail Porter 1971 (Presenter), Jonas Björkman 1972 (Tennisspalare.), Jerzy Dudek 1973 (Piłkarz.), Chris Hoy 1976 (On yer bike!), Dougie Lampkin 1976 (Motorbike racery bloke.), Russell Howard 1980 (Comedian, it says here.), Mo Farah 1983 (Runny bloke.), Jason Kenny 1988 (Mind my bike!) and Gregg Wylde 1991 (Footy bloke.),

 


 Not Tony McPhee
(You have to be quite old to understand that one)

 

 
 
 
I’ve received a letter...
Dear Mr Slumpspelare,
I am writing on behalf of my son, who wonders why you gave a Gorillaz song as your Damon Albarn link. Surely, [Don’t call me Shirley. - Ed.] he was involved with Blur for much longer, so really you should have given us a song by them. The title song from their first number one album would have made a good choice. Can you remember it?
Yours with oodles of love,
Pa Clife.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. What happened a fortnight (and a week) ago? A total of only £1.42 back from our £4.40 stake money. That is sh... shameful rubbish! What happened? Read on...
 
First up, the results from a fortnight ago...
 
Southampton vs Tottenham - Prediction Away win
Result - Southampton 2 Tottenham 1
Boo!
James Ward-Prowse earned the win with a sensational free-kick from 25 yards. The midfielder's strike came after calamitous defending allowed Southampton to draw level via Yan Valery, who pounced on Danny Rose's mistake.
Victory seemed unlikely after a first half dominated by Spurs who took the lead when Harry Kane scored his 200th career goal.
 
Plymouth vs Luton - Prediction Away win
Result - Plymouth 0 Luton 0
Ooh! ’It the bar!
The Hatters came close to scoring at the start of the second half as James Collins' goal-bound header had to be tipped onto the crossbar by Argyle's goalkeeper Matt Macey.
Macey was then at full-stretch to keep out Elliot Lee's low drive as Luton upped the tempo.
The 6ft 7ins tall keeper was again extended by Lee, with Macey managing to push yet another shot wide.
At the other end, substitute Ryan Taylor came close with a shot that flew just over the angle.
The closest either side came to breaking the deadlock was in the fourth minute when Argyle's Portuguese play-maker Ruben Lameiras sent a cross-shot flying across James Shea's goal. Plymouth's Freddie Ladapo was inches away from adding a finishing touch.
 
Macclesfield vs MK Dons - Prediction Away win
Result - Macclesfield 1 MK Dons 3
Yay!
David Wheeler, Callum Brittain and Kieran Agard struck for the visitors after Nathan Cameron had given Macclesfield a 19th-minute lead.
Elliott Durrell's free-kick into the box was headed back across goal by Botti Biabi and bundled in by the hosts' skipper, Cameron.
Macclesfield had further chances but James Pearson hit the bar and Dons goalkeeper Stuart Moore smothered the danger with Durrell poised to score.
The visitors levelled before the break, Wheeler darting to the near post and glancing in Conor McGrandles' corner.
Rejuvenated by that goal on the stroke of half-time, MK Dons took control following the restart and, after Agard wasted an early chance, Brittain drilled their second goal in through a crowd of players.
Agard's 79th-minute header sealed the victory for the Dons.
 
Morecambe vs Forest Green - Prediction Away win
Result - Morecambe 3 Forest Green 0
What?!!!
Morecambe enjoyed a dream start, grabbing the opening goal in the sixth minute.
A long ball forward caught out the Forest Green defence and as they failed to clear their lines, Aaron Collins reacted quickly, crossing into the six-yard box where Rhys Oates ran in and forced the ball over the line at full stretch.
The visitors went close to levelling three minutes later when Shawn McCoulsky found space in the box only to see his shot cleared off the line by Morecambe defender Ritchie Sutton.
Morecambe almost doubled their lead when Collins was denied by a superb save from Lewis Ward low to his left but the Shrimps' winger was not to be denied for long as he stroked home his side's second with a low shot from the edge of the box that beat Ward to his right-hand side.
Christian Doidge spurned a great chance to pull one back in first-half stoppage time but headed straight at goalkeeper Mark Halstead, summing up Forest Green's afternoon.
The visitors enjoyed the greater share of possession in the second half but could find no way through a well drilled Morecambe defence.
George Williams looked their most dangerous outlet with two long range shots that were superbly saved by Halstead.
Eventually the visitors were undone for a third time on 71 minutes when Oates stole the ball on the left-hand byline before crossing for Alex Kenyon to score from 12 yards.
 
Stevenage vs Bury - Prediction Away win
Result - Stevenage 0 Bury 1
Yay!
Nicky Maynard struck in the fifth minute of added time when he headed past the despairing dive of Paul Farman to snatch the points, with Scott Wharton's brilliant ball in rewarded after flick-ons from Dom Telford and Adam Thompson.
Stevenage had the better of the early play, with the tone set when Moses Makasi was unable to convert a Joel Byrom cross in the opening minutes.
Maynard should have opened the scoring later in the half but failed to control from Caolan Lavery, while Makasi had two further chances before the break, the latter seeing him denied by Joe Murphy.
The second half was more of a scrappy affair, though Stevenage came closest to the breakthrough when Johnny Hunt and Kurtis Guthrie fashioned chances to break the deadlock.
The hosts should have won it when Jordan Gibson was provided with a glorious opening, only for his shot to sail over the bar, before Maynard stole the points at the death.
 
And now, a week ago...
Brentford vs West Brom - Prediction Home win
Result - Brentford 0 West Bromwich Albion 1
Boo!
Kyle Edwards scored a stunning solo goal for West Bromwich Albion to ensure victory at Brentford.
It took a captivating run to put the Baggies ahead, Edwards slaloming past a number of Bees players after collecting the ball wide on the right, skipping through challenges before poking his finish past Luke Daniels.
West Brom goalkeeper Sam Johnstone kept the visitors in it at half-time with a series of saves - twice denying Said Benrahma before foiling Julian Jeanvier and Yoann Barbet.
Edwards' stunning individual effort was West Brom's first effort on target, with Daniels then going on to keep Dwight Gayle and Ahmed Hegazi out.
Johnstone's intervention was again needed after the break as he foiled Sergi Canos, a save that capped a fine display by the keeper to help the Baggies secure the win.
Hull vs QPR - Prediction Home win
Result - Hull City 2 Queens Park Rangers 2
Ooh! ’It the bar!
Jarrod Bowen's first-half double had Hull leading 2-0 at half-time, with them looking well set for three points, but Josh Scowen pulled a goal back when his cross drifted in at the far post.
Rangers substitute Tomer Hemed secured a valuable point for the visitors, scrambling in the equaliser from Scowen's cross seven minutes from time.
 
Sheff Wednesday vs Blackburn - Prediction Home win
Result - Sheffield Wednesday 4 Blackburn Rovers 2
Yay!
Wednesday were on top from the first whistle and went ahead in the 10th minute when Dominic Iorfa delivered a low cross for Steven Fletcher to turn in from close range.
The home side should have stretched their advantage almost immediately as Adam Reach forced a save from David Raya, then saw another effort rebound for Michael Hector to head against the post.
Blackburn improved as the game went on and Bradley Dack and Danny Graham both went close before Atdhe Nuhiu [That’s got to be an anagram. - Ed.] - who had only been on the field for two minutes - made it 2-0, heading in Barry Bannan's free-kick on the hour.
Rovers substitute Craig Conway halved the deficit, collecting Joe Rothwell's pass and curling a shot into the far corner, but the Owls made the points safe with two more goals in quick succession.
Bannan set up both of them, delivering another free-kick that Iorfa scrambled home and then playing a ball through for Marco ‘Rosie’ Matias to make it 4-1.
Elliot Bennett netted a late consolation for Blackburn, picking up Dack's lay-off and finding space to beat Kieren Westwood.
 
Stoke vs Reading - Prediction Home win
Result - Stoke City 0 Reading 0
Ooh! ’It the bar!
City twice hit the woodwork in the opening quarter of an hour as James McClean teed up Tom Ince, who crashed a shot against the post.
And two minutes later Thibaud Verlinden, sent in a pinpoint cross which Sam Vokes headed against the crossbar.
McClean again teed up Vokes to head just wide before forcing Emiliano Martinez into a superb reaction save, while Modou Barrow was inches from meeting Lewis Baker's low cross and giving Reading a late winner.
 
Wigan vs Bolton Wanderers - Prediction Home win
Result - Wigan Athletic 5 Bolton Wanderers 2
Yay!
The Latics took an early lead when Joe Garner headed in a beautifully-whipped Reece James free-kick and, after a fairly even first period, they took complete control thanks to early second-half goals from Gavin Massey and Nick Powell.
Bolton midfielder Gary O'Neil briefly gave the visitors hope, but just a few minutes later Michael Jacobs made the game safe to re-establish the hosts' advantage.
Sammy Ameobi scored a consolation for the Trotters before Leon Clarke added a fifth for Wigan.
 
That was last week... erm... and the one before it obviously... and pretty rubbishy the predictions were. Can The Grambler make amends this week and provide us with some pennies to send to the Bobby Moore Fund? Probably not, but we’ll keep on trusting him/her/it to come up with five out of five... It sometimes happens, not very often, admittedly, but it does happen. What has he/she/it randomly selected for us this week?
 
Game - Result - Odds
Burton vs Accrington - Prediction Home win - 17/20
Luton vs Doncaster - Prediction Home win - 4/5
Peterborough vs Southend - Prediction Home win - 10/11
Crawley vs Luton - Prediction Away win - 19/20
Grimsby vs Bury - Prediction Away win - 5/6
 
The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£11.46

 

24 pees less whopping than a fortnight ago.
 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week... sorry two weeks ago... I asked you which Englishman has managed Charlton Athletic, Crystal Palace and Hull City in the Premier League. The answer is former Northern Ireland international, Ian Dowie. Hang on a mo... Englishman? Northern Ireland international? How so, I hear you ask. He was born in Hatfield, but his dad was born in Belfast, so that, apparently, made him eligible to play for Northern Ireland. So now you know.
One for this week? Here’s a good one to keep you amused for a few minutes. Here are some anagrams of England managers’ names. See if you can work them out.
Craves Clement
Lay Frames
Oven Ride
A Huge Ghost Treat
Goody Horns
Clams Already
Enters Bravely
Capable Folio
One Wrongdoer
Hopefully, you’ll have a bit of fun working them out.
 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual, I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr B. Cryer who provides us with this week’s finishing item. Here’s a little factoid about Mr Cryer. Did you know that he had a number one record back in 1957? 62 years ago for crying out loud! He recorded a novelty song made famous by the long-forgotten Sheb Wooley. [Wasn’t that a character in Emmerdale? - Ed.] Mr Wooley’s version of this particular song, for some reason, couldn’t be released in Finland. So Barry’s version got the nod. The rest, as they say, is history. Barry became a superstar in Finland thanks to this number one record. Actually, he didn’t. He never troubled the charts again. When you listen to the song, you’ll understand why he became a scriptwriter and comedian rather than a singer. Here is Barry Cryer with Purple People Eater.
 
That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com
 
Happy grambling.