Saturday, 21 March 2020

Week 33/34 - The Grambler goes boing


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

As every letter to Points of View [Blimey! That's going back a bit. - Ed.] began... Why oh why oh why [Spells yoyoy. - Ed.] Ahem... are things made in such a way that repairing them is an absolute nightmare.  However do you mean, I hear you ask. Let me explain.

Many years ago, Mrs G and I had the kitchen replaced... All the units, I mean, not the actual kitchen. That would be silly.  It looked lovely when it was finished. All the units were integrated... but wouldn't answer any questions. Boom and as twere tish. Anyway, everything was hidden behind cupboard doors.  Fine and dandy... until there is a problem with any of the electrical white goods or, indeed, the water supply.

Our first realisation that something wasn't quite as sensibly put together as we would have appreciated was when we had occasion to shut off that very water supply. The stop cock was no longer easily accessible, as it had previously been.  Instead, it was hidden by a cupboard which had to be completely emptied so that a shelf could be removed; this then made it possible to reach in to shut off the water... if you were a contortionist.  Whoever put the units in had made no allowance for the fact that the stop cock occasionally had to have its cock stopped... if you get my drift.

That wasn't the only annoying installation problem. Oh no...

Mrs G uses the washing machine.  A lot.  Two or three washes a day are the norm; sometimes more... No, I don't know where it all comes from.  That is by the by. It all means that the washer is worked hard and, not surprisingly, it eventually cries ‘enough’ and refuses to function.

A quick phone call later, Mr washing machine repair man is at our door.
‘Thank goodness you've come,’ cries Mrs G, ‘it just packed in and I'd only completed the fourth wash of the day.’

The repair man, having calmed this hysterical lady down, set to work.  First task, obviously, after isolating the machine electrically, is to pull the integrated machine out of its hole.  It turned out that this action was impossible. Why? The kitchen fitter who had put the washing machine into position had cut the electric cable so short that it reached the electrical socket but there was none spare for, say, manoeuvring the machine out of its wee hidey hole because the cable was stuck behind all the other inte-f******-grated units.

Mr washing machine repair man remained remarkably calm in the circumstances. Mind you, asking to borrow my garden shears to chop the plug off might have been a bit of an overreaction.

Luckily, he managed to fix the machine and he also put a longer cable onto it to make his job a bit easier next time he was called out.

We had another occasion where we had to turn the water off at the main stop cock.  We noticed that above the kitchen sink, the ceiling was no longer flat. Indeed, there was water dripping from the ceiling where it was no longer flat. Uh oh, a leak. The source of the leak was the toilet cistern which was directly above the part of the ceiling that was no longer flat.  Having secured the services of a contortionist to shut off the water supply, we decided to check the cistern.

Did I tell you we had a bathroom which had the same sleek design as the kitchen? You know, everything hidden in cupboards or behind panels. No? Well we have. Now then, how do I get into the cistern?  Hmm, let’s see now... Wait a minute.  I don't believe it! (in my Victor Meldrew voice)

Who in their right mind fits a bathroom where there’s no f****** access to the f****** cistern!!!

Forget closed in and integrated, give me open and accessible any day of the week.

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we?

Actually, I have hit a bit of a snag; I snag I didn’t spot until this week (although, I should have noticed it in the last edition of this esteemed blog. [Esteemed? Who would esteem this load of twaddle? - Ed.]) Because 2016 and 2020 are both leap years, I am now repeating the birthday people from 2015. Oh dear. However, I didn’t give you all the links that I do now. I have found a site which lists a few more famous British folk; my previous source information was a bit Murcan-heavy. So without any further ado, [I quite like a ‘do’. - Ed.] here is a somewhat extended birthday honours list.

Were any famous or notorious individuals born on the 14th of March? Of course there were and here are some I have actually heard of. Georg Philipp Telemann 1681 ([TV repair man? - Ed.] No. Composer. Have a clip.  Here's Fantasie No 2 in A Minor. [I remember them. Morris Minor. Great little car. - Ed.] Jeezo!), Johann Strauss 1804 (Composer. The Waltz king’s dad. Here’s a piece you may not know. He only ever wrote two marches; one was the Radetzky March, this was the other... Jelačić Marsch.), Isabella Beeton 1836 (Author of Mrs Beeton’s Book of Household Management which is recognised to be the first cook-book. Had it not been for this book we might never have had all the celebrity chefs that have graced our TV screens over the years... Hmm... Damn you, Mrs Beeton!), Casey Jones 1863 (Yes, him. The one that was always steaming and rolling. Hic!), Anton Philips 1874 (Founder of the electronics company of the same name. [Anton Electronics? Never heard of them. - Ed.]), Albert Einstein 1879 (One of the greatest minds of the last century and he’s famous for sticking his tongue out.), Lee Hays 1914 (A Weaver. Have a clip. Here’s Tzena, Tzena, Tzena. Lee’s the fellow who claps.), Bill Owen 1914 (Actor famous for playing the role of Compo.), Diane Arbus 1923 (Snapper.), Bonar Colleano 1924 (Actor.), Frank Borman 1928 (Spaceman.), Michael Caine 1933 (Ectah from saaahfeast Laaahndon. Not a lot of people know that.), Quincy Jones 1933 (Musician and producer. Here’s his big band with Killer Joe. Now that’s jehhhhz.), Eugene Cernan 1934 (Another spaceman.), Bob Charles 1936 (Sarth Ifrican golfy blike.), Eleanor Bron 1938 (Actress and writer.), Rita Tushingham 1942 (Actress. Starred in the 1961 film A Taste of Honey.), Robert Davis 1945 (Who? Oh, Jasper Carrott.), Pam Ayres 1947 (Poet.), Peter Skellern 1947 (Musician. Here is his hit, Hold On To Love.), Roy Budd 1947 (Pianist and composer. He wrote the theme for Get Carter. Not a lot of people know that.), Jona Lewie 1947 (Musician. Here’s his first solo hit. Isn’t that Kirstie MacColl? [Yes. They tell you it is. - Ed.]), Billy Crystal 1948 (Actor.), John ‘Ollie’ Halsall 1949 (Musician. Have a clip. Here he is stepping out. ), Rick Dees 1950 (Comedian. Had a hit with this. Ye gods!), Nick Webb 1954 (Musician. Here’s a jolly toon called Mr Chow. Trivia: Nick acted alongside Tony Hancock in the 1963 film The Punch and Judy Man.), David Taylor 1954 (Footy administrator.), Helen Atkinson-Wood 1955 (Actress. Mrs Miggins in Blackadder III, that was her.), Tessa Sanderson 1956 (Stick thrower.), Albert II of Monaco 1958 (The well-known prince.), Francine Stock 1958 (TV and radio presenter.), John Philliben 1964 (Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell player.), Sheila Chandra 1965 (Singer and writer. Here’s a toon you might know. She's ever so lonely.), James Grady 1971 (Fitba guy.), Ben Trott 1975 (Crickety bloke.), Phil Vickery 1976 (Rugby unionist.), Faye Barker 1977 (Newsreader.), Nicolas Anelka 1979 (Homme de Football.), Anas Sarwar 1983 (Politician.), Johnny Flynn 1983 (Musician and actor.), Ian Black 1985 (Fitba guy.), Jamie Bell 1986 (Actor.) and Ellie Bamber 1997 (Actress. Played Mandy Rice-Davies in The Trial of Christine Keeler.).

And now... the 21st of March. Johann Sebastian Bach 1685 (Composer. Have a clip. Here’s Air on the G-String.  [Ooer, missus. - Ed.]), Modest Mussorgsky 1839 (Composer. Here he takes us to some pictures at an exhibition.), Florenz Zeigfeld 1839 (Theatre director and producer. Famous for his theatrical revues the Zeigfeld Follies which ran from 1907 to 1931.), Herbert Ponting 1870 (Photographer on Scott’s Antarctic expeditions.), John D. Rockefeller III 1906 (Rich bloke.), Peter Bull 1912 (Ectaw, dear leddie.), Paul Tortellier 1914 (Cellist. Here is another bit of Bach.), Peter Brook 1925 (Theatre and film director.), James Coco 1929 (Actor.), Michael Heseltine 1933 (Politician. Don’t mention a certain helicopter company.), Christopher Trace 1933 (The first disgraced Blue Peter presenter, but not the last.), Brian Clough 1935 (Mouthy footy bloke.), Michael Foreman 1938 (Author and illustrator.), Solomon Burke 1940 (Singer. Here’s his hit.), Vivian Stanshall 1943 (Eccentric singer with the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band. Here they are on Jollity Farm.), Ray Dorset 1946 (Mungo Jerry’s frontman. Here’s the band’s biggest hit. All together now... ch ch ch oh. They have got to be the best ever sideburns.), Timothy Dalton 1946 (Actor. The Welsh James Bond.), Roger Hodgson 1950 (A bit of Supertramp. Have a clip.  Sweet dreams.), Andy Parker 1952 (UFO [I beg your pardon? - Ed.] drummer. [Oh, I see. - Ed.] Here’s a clip from 41 years ago... Doctor Doctor.), Nigel Dick 1953 (Musician turned video director. Here’s one he made. All together now... Shout. Shout. Let it all out. ), Steve Halliwell 1954 (Actor. Zak Dingle, that’s him.), Richard H. Kirk 1956 (Musician. Another clip? Here is Freezone.), Guy Chadwick 1956 (Musician. Here’s another clip... Shine on.), Gary Oldman 1958 (Actor.), Sarah Jane Morris 1959 (Singer. Here she is with the Communards... Don't Leave Me This Way.), Lothar Matthaus 1961 (Fußballmann.), Matthew Broderick 1962 (Actor.), Ronald Koeman 1963 (Voetbal man.), Richard Cadette 1965 (Footy bloke.), Adrian Chiles 1967 (Presenter. Still looks like a talking toby jug.), Greg Ellis 1968 (Actor. Lieutenant Theodore Groves, that’s him.), Derek Townsley 1973 (Footy bloke. Ex-Motherwell.), Mark Williams 1975 (Snookery bloke), Thomas Gandey 1976 (Musician. Here he is... Hello there.), Sam Troughton 1977 (Actor. Much, the Miller’s son.), Jamie Delgado 1977 (Tennisy bloke.), Nick ‘Peanut’ Baines 1978 (A Kaiser Chief. A clip? Why, soitenly. This only reached number 179 in the UK charts which was a bit of a shock to them, which is apt given the title.), Ronaldhino Gaucho 1980 (Jogador de futebol sorridente.), Bruno Langley 1983 (Not the first disgraced Coronation Street actor and, probably, not the last.), Lee Cattermole 1988 (Another footy bloke), Mark Garside 1989 (Ice hockey bloke from Polomint City.) and Matty Longstaff 2000 (Footy bloke.).

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

 

Dear Mr Humbler,

Thanks for giving a link to that fantastic band, Supertramp. Dreamer was their first hit, but it wasn’t their biggest. Neither of us can remember what that tune was. Can you help?

Yours with knobs on,


 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did our little bet go last time? Don’t ask. What happened? Read on.

 

Sheffield Utd. vs Norwich - Prediction Home win

Result - Sheffield United 1 Norwich City 0

Yay!

The hosts looked in control when Billy Sharp headed in.

But with 13 minutes left United’s goalkeeper Dean Henderson had to dive bravely at the feet of Mario Vrancic to keep out a Ben Godfrey header and then blocked the rebound.

 

Accrington vs Tranmere - Prediction Home win

Result - Accrington Stanley 1 Tranmere Rovers 2

Boo!

Goals from James Vaughan and Mark Ellis gave Tranmere a win over Accrington, who finished with 10 men.

Stanley forced all the early pressure, with Dion Charles firing wide and Scott Davies denying Callum Johnson, but it was Tranmere who opened the scoring with their first attack on eight minutes.

A Kieron Morris free-kick found the head of Vaughan eight yards out who guided the ball past Joe Bursik.

Stanley continued to create chances, with Joe Pritchard's effort not far off the top corner, but did not really test the Tranmere keeper Scott Davies and the visitors struck again on 77 minutes.

Peter Clarke fed the ball across the face of goal after Stanley failed to clear a corner and Ellis had the easy task of tapping into an empty net at the far post.

Stanley set up a grandstand finish when Alex Woodyard headed Bobby Grant's free-kick into his own net on 82 minutes but, in added time, Stanley defender Harvey Rodgers saw red for a second bookable offence.

 

Sunderland vs Gillingham - Prediction Home win

Result - Sunderland 2 Gillingham 2

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Mikael Mandron grabbed both goals to level things up and earn Gillingham a draw against the Black Cats.

Kyle Lafferty had twice put Sunderland ahead in the 64th and 83rd minutes. His first was a header from Denver Hume's left-wing cross, and his second a low finish after being put through by midfielder George Dobson.

But Gillingham, who were out to frustrate the hosts all afternoon, got their reward by fighting back twice to claim that point courtesy of Mandron's double.

His first was in the 74th minute when he poked a finish inside the far corner after Jordan Willis had struggled to deal with a corner properly.

And when Olly Lee laid the ball off for Mandron deep into six minutes of stoppage-time the striker did the rest with a brilliant low finish inside goalkeeper Jon McLaughlin's bottom right corner.

 

Cheltenham vs Port Vale - Prediction Home win

Result - Cheltenham Town 0 Port Vale 0

Again I say Boo! ’It the bar again!

Vale were closest to breaking the deadlock in the 10th minute when Mark Cullen's header from David Worrall's cross rebounded off the bar with goalkeeper Owen Evans beaten.

Referee Scott Duncan pointed to the penalty spot in the 42nd minute after a challenge from defender Charlie Raglan on Mitch Clark.

But after consulting with his assistant, he overturned the decision and the away side had to settle for a corner.

Cheltenham had threatened in the 11th minute when Alfie May lifted the ball over Scott Brown, but Leon Legge cleared off the line with Reuben Reid waiting to pounce.

Vale looked the more likely winners in the second half with Evans saving low to his left from Cullen after David Amoo's centre and Amoo went close himself in the 64th minute, firing just wide after Tom Conlon's pass.

Vale had another penalty appeal turned down after an hour when Conlon was challenged in the box.

 

Northampton vs Mansfield - Prediction Home win

Result - Northampton Town 1 Mansfield Town 2

BOOOO!

Forward Sam Hoskins was sent off for the Cobblers after just 11 minutes [Perhaps the Cobbler kicked someone in the cobblers. - Ed.] and ‘Broadway’ Danny Rose scored the subsequent penalty kick before Willem Tomlinson's second-half strike sealed the win for Mansfield.

Northampton made the better start and Nicky Adams went close with a well-struck free-kick, acrobatically tipped over by Stags goalkeeper Aidan Stone.

But it all unravelled for the home side after 11 minutes when Hoskins saw red for pushing Harry Charsley as the last defender and Rose made no mistake from the spot.

Tempers flared on several occasions in a heated first half but Northampton coped well with their numerical disadvantage and Vadaine Oliver came close to levelling with a spectacular overhead-kick.

Steve Arnold produced a fine double save from Rose and Charsley before Tomlinson clipped the crossbar early in the second half.

Northampton were still in the game and Stone pulled off two excellent stops to deny Lloyd Jones and Scott Wharton, but it was game over with 16 minutes to go when Mansfield broke clear and Nicky Maynard slipped in Tomlinson, who calmly beat Arnold.

Northampton did manage a late consolation when Harry Smith headed in Adams' cross in stoppage time.

 

Unless you have been living in a cave over the past few weeks, you must have heard that a certain virus has caused practically all sporting events to be cancelled. Football throughout Europe has been put on hold until further notice. Not good. Not good at all. It means we have to put our little gramble type bet on the donkeys. Even European donkey racing has been cancelled so we have to bet on races taking place in Africa. So, deep breath, here we go. What has The Grambler predicted for us?

Meeting - Time - Horse - Odds

Turffontein - 1.15 - Karino - 11/8
Turffontein - 1.50 - Al Mutawakel - 8/15
Turffontein - 2.25 - Celtic Sea - 1/2
Turffontein - 3.00 - Al Jahbath - 11/8
Durbanville - 1.35 - Heaven's Embrace - 2/1
 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator... not forgetting another 20 pees to make that an each way bet) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Predictions, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£17.56
 

Now you're having a laugh.  That is just too whopping.  Will it happen?  Will it fu... No, it won't.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last time I asked you which club (managed by Glenn Hoddle) was promoted to the Premier League and spent just one season there before dropping down the leagues. The answer was of course Swindon Town. They won the Division One playoff against Leicester City in 1993 to gain a place in the Premier League (No Championship division back then.). They won only five games while in the top flight and shipped over 100 goals in the process.

One for this week? It’s a naming one this week. Which Premier League team was originally called St. Marks? Try that one down the... Oh, you can’t go to the pub now. They’re all shut.  Well, at least try it without resorting to Googly.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, also take the time to click on this link, an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, it was Jasper Carrott’s birthday last week. Would you like to hear his hit record? Probably not. Funky Moped was not a particularly good song... In fact, it was dreadful. Jasper Carrott, himself, never rated it. So why did it ever make the charts? People bought it because of the B-side, this rather rude story called Magic Roundabout. That was considered to be a bit risque back in the seventies. Times have changed.

 

 
Boinnnng!!!


 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may missed.
 
Happy grambling.
 

Saturday, 7 March 2020

Week 31/32 - Fifty shades of Grambler


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Those of you who are of a certain age will probably remember the days when, if you bought a second hand car, you were just asking for trouble. How so, I hear you ask. Quality of cars back in the seventies (yes I am that old) was iffy to say the least. Cars such as Skoda and Lada were constantly the butt of jokes... What do you call a Skoda without a roof? A skip... That sort of thing.

My first car was seven years old when I bought it and, though I liked it (it was my first car, after all) I had to concede that it was a heap of junk. Luckily, my dad was a keen mechanic who, though he was never a driver, loved working on cars. So that car had its engine stripped down and rebuilt, had the brake system and suspension virtually renewed and was completely repainted so that it looked like new. When the time came to sell it, I got a much higher price than I had paid for it and the buyer got a much better car than I had bought.

That first car was a Ford Corsair; it was replaced by a Morris 1100 which I kept for only two weeks because, during that fortnight, it let me down every day... at least once. Luckily I got my money back from the dodgy dealer I had bought it from... He had come to my house ready for a fight, but when said immobile vehicle refused to start, he didn't have any other option than to return my dosh... all 220 quids of it.

The Vauxhall Viva that became my next car was similarly useless, though dad worked his magic and the repainted version looked a lot better than the original rust bucket. Sadly dad's skills couldn't do anything about its fuel consumption. Twelve miles per gallon isn't very much is it?

The Mini Countryman which followed it was a brilliant car to drive... when it went that is. It too went through the same transformation process as the others and though it leaked everywhere, including oil from the engine and petrol from the fuel tank, it was a car that I was sorry to get rid of. It got replaced by a Ford Cortina (the one likened to a coke bottle). I say replaced; for a while I ran both cars and, after the sure footedness of the Mini, the Ford was a bit of a letdown. In the end, it was the Cortina which got the heave ho and I ran the Mini a bit longer.

The car that replaced it was... Can you guess? Yep. Another Mini. It was a smashing wee thing and I would have kept it but, when family came along, a bigger car was needed. A usable but tatty Renault 12 was purchased and once again dad got the paint tin out and, as it had been a silver car, I chose the nearest equivalent solid paint colour... battleship grey.

Why am I telling you all this? [Yes. Why? Yawn. - Ed.] Well, over the years there always seems to have been favourite colours for cars. When I first started driving, a popular car colour was mustard or orange [Bleuchh! - Ed.]. Then all sorts of brown shades took over as the most popular. Later on, there weren't many manufacturers not offering a lilac/purple option which seemed to get the nod from a lot of owners. Since then, we have gone through various 'favourite' colours. Red, black, silver, British racing green and white have all been the most common hue at some time or another. [And? - Ed.] And... The current favourite seems to be grey. Dull, boring, battleship grey.

Who would have thunk it... I started a fashion with my old grey Renault... Just a pity I was 30-odd years too early.
 
The one third from the right


.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or notorious individuals born on the 29th of February? Of course there were; here are some I’ve actually heard of. Gioachino Rossini 1792 (Composer. Here’s a famous piece. You will no doubt recognise it at about the eight minute mark.  Hi ho Silver!), Jimmy Dorsey 1904 (Musician. Here’s his signature toon, Contrasts.), Dinah Shore 1916 (Singer. Here’s a toon you might know, Buttons and Bows. Early use of a cordless microphone, there. [You are being sarcastic, of course. - Ed.] Of course.), Joss Ackland 1928 (Actor. Still with us.), Jean Adamson 1928 (Writer and illustrator. Famous for her Topsy and Tim stories. Also still with us.), Polly Elwes (Ectress. Sedly, no longer with us.), Peter Wheeler 1944 (One time owner of car company TVR.), Clive Ricks 1956 (Crickety bloke.), Wendi Peters 1968 (Actress. Cilla in Corrie.) and Steven Cree 1980 (Actor.).

Now, onto the 7th of March. Rob Roy McGregor 1671 (Outlaw.), Nicéphore Niépce 1765 (Inventor. Photography pioneer.), Piet Mondrian 1872 (Penter.), Maurice Ravel 1875 (Composer who shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a ball of wool. Famous for his  Bolero First time I’ve seen a conductor using a matchstick as a baton.), Edgar Evans 1876 (Explorer. Reached South Pole with Scott’s ill-fated expedition.), Reginald Maudling 1917 (Politician.), Eleanor Summerfield 1921 (Ectress. Merried to Leonard Sechs, him from orf of The Good Old Days.), Willie Waddell 1921 (Fitballer and source of a popular schoolboy joke.), George A. Cooper 1925 (Actor.), Richard Vernon 1925 (Ectaw. Slartibartfast, that was him.), Antony Armstrong-Jones aka Lord Snowdrop (Blibbing spellchecker!) 1930 (Married a princess; took pictures... erm... That’s it.), Zena Walker 1934 (Ectress.), Michael Eisner 1942 (Businessman. Used to be in charge of The House of Mouse.), Chris White 1943 (One time Zombie. He provides lead vocals on this, Butcher's Tale (Western Front 1914).), Sir Ranulph Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes, 3rd Baronet 1944 (Explorer, it says here.), Arthur Lee 1945 (A bit of Love. Here is song from 1966, 7 and 7 is, ten years before punk.), John Heard 1946 (Actor. Macaulay Culkin’s dad. [Really? - Ed.] No.), Walter Röhrl 1947 (Rallyefahrer. Sein name klingt sogar wie ein auto.), Ernie Isley 1952 (A brother. Have a clip. Who's she?), Viv Richards 1952 (Crickety bloke.), Bryan Cranston 1956 (Actor. Walter White, that’s him.), Robert Harris 1957 (Journo cum orfer.), Rick Mayall 1958 (Comedian.), Tom Lehman 1959 (Golfy bloke.), Ivan Lendl 1960 (Tenista.), Jim Spivey 1960 (Runny bloke.), Taylor Dayne 1962 (Singer cum actress. A song? Here’s Tell It To My Heart.  Odd place to have ears.), Erika Leonard aka E.L. James 1963 (Orfer. I say author; she wrote Fifty Shades of Grey.  Sounds like the Dulux colour chart. No doubt, battleship grey was in there.), Tommy Sheridan 1964 (Firebrand politician.), Jesper Parnevik 1965 (Golfspelare.), Rachel Weisz 1970 (Actress.), Ray Parlour 1973 (Footy bloke.), Paul Cattermole 1977 (A bit of S Club 7. This will bring it all back... up.), Colin Nish 1981 (Fitballer.), Mathieu Flamini 1984 (Footballeur et entrepreneur.), Murray Davidson 1988 (Fitballer.), Bel Powley 1992 (Actress. Little My, that’s her.), Jordan Pickford 1994 (Footy bloke.) and Liam Donnelly 1996 (Footy bloke. Plays for Motherwell. Yay!).

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

 

Dear Mr Crumble,

Thank you for giving a link to a song by the wonderful Taylor Dayne. The one you played was her first, and biggest, hit. I think the only other song of hers which made the British top ten was the immediate follow up to that one, but I can’t for the life of me remember the title of it. Can you help?

Yours with felicitations,


 

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did our little bet go last time? We got some money back. Yay! Indeed yay. We got £4.52 back from our £2.20 outlay. An actual profit. What happened? Read on.

 

 

Crystal Palace vs Newcastle - Prediction Home win

Result - Crystal Palace 1 Newcastle 0

Yay!

The Magpies' regular saviour Martin Dubravka had made two superb stops from Gary Cahill and Scott Dann before Patrick Van Aanholt found a way past him just before half-time with a glorious 20-yard strike.

Jordan Ayew went close on a couple of occasions, one of which came off the foot of the post, while Belgian Christian Benteke really should have done better with a header from six yards out.

Newcastle managed only two shots on target. Vicente Guaita was at full stretch to keep out a long-range effort from Joelinton and tipped over a fierce effort from Fabian Schar.

And to round off a thoroughly disappointing day for the visitors, Valentino Lazaro was shown a straight red in stoppage time for hauling down Wilfried Zaha, who was through on goal.

 

Sheffield Utd. vs Brighton - Prediction Home win

Result - Sheffield Utd. 1 Brighton & Hove Albion 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Enda [Edna? What kind of name is that for a footballer? - Ed.] Stevens' rasping finish put the Blades in control against Brighton but the lead was short-lived as Neal Maupay marked his return to the starting line-up with a headed equaliser.

Lewis Dunk missed a glorious chance to put the visitors ahead after the Blades lost Stevens to injury.

John Fleck went close from distance but Brighton worked hard to secure the draw.

 

Bristol C vs West Brom - Prediction Away win

Result - Bristol City 0 West Bromwich Albion 3

Yay!

Callum Robinson gave the Baggies the lead in fortunate circumstances, the ball rebounding in off his head after Robins’ keeper Dan Bentley had saved the forward's initial shot.

Bentley was then at fault for Albion's second before the break when he failed to hold Jake Livermore's shot, presenting Hal Robson-Kanu with a simple tap-in.

Albion had to play the final 13 minutes with 10 men after Romaine Sawyers was shown a straight red card after grabbing Jamie Paterson by the throat, pushing a steward as he made his way off.

But Robson-Kanu sealed the win, intercepting Ashley Williams' back header and beating Bentley with a left-foot volley.

 

Stoke vs Cardiff - Prediction Home win

Result - Stoke City 2 Cardiff City 0

Yay!

The Bluebirds gifted Stoke the lead when Callum Paterson headed into his own net from a corner.

Joe Allen scrambled the ball home from close range (after Tyrese Campbell's effort was blocked) to secure victory.

 

Swansea vs Huddersfield - Prediction Home win

Result - Swansea City 3 Huddersfield Town 1

Yay!

Andre Ayew, Jay Fulton and Jordon Garrick were on target as Swansea won for the first time in six league games.

The Swans led after top scorer Ayew pounced on a rebound to claim his 13th goal of the season.

Steve Mounie's close-range strike 12 minutes from time levelled, but Fulton quickly restored Swansea's lead before Garrick sealed victory late on.

 

So, a good week for The Grambler. Can he/she/it keep it up this week? [In a word... no. - Ed.] Here are this week’s predictions.

Game - Result - Odds

Sheffield Utd. vs Norwich - Prediction Home win - 4/6

Accrington vs Tranmere - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Sunderland vs Gillingham - Prediction Home win - 5/6

Cheltenham vs Port Vale - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Northampton vs Mansfield - Prediction Home win - 19/20

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Predictions, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£10.78

Not particularly whopping, it has to be said. [Why? - Ed.]  Why what? [Why does it have to said? - Ed.] Groan.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last time I asked you what the original name of Burnley F.C. was.  A fairly easy one: they were known as Burnley Rovers and, if you want to be really pedantic, you could add the words Rugby Club, as the members of that club decided (in 1882) to switch from playing rugby union to association football.

One for this week? Which club (managed by Glenn Hoddle) was promoted to the Premier League and spent just one season there before dropping down the leagues? One to ask down the pub, I think.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Please, also take the time to click on this link, an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, we have a little treat [Uh oh. - Ed.] for the readers of this august blog. Rick Mayall, had he lived, would have been 62 this week. Anyone who read Week 41 - Grambling in a caramel shop  knows that I was a huge fan of Rick Mayall and his work. So this week, I thought you might like to see Rick from his early days on TV when he assumed the character of Kevin Turvey.  Here are his ‘Kevin Turvey Investigates’ features from the Beeb Beeb Ceeb Scotland show A Kick Up The Eighties. I do hope you enjoy them as much as I still do.

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 22 February 2020

Week 30 - Grambling into the past


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

I have just heard possibly the silliest conspiracy theory ever and it is this: the Titanic sank because so many time travellers from the future were on board at the time it came to grief. Have you ever heard such nonsense? Mind you, I can understand where the perpetrator of the theory is coming from...

From the diary of Lady Maude Gordon-Jinn...

10th April -

We have set sail and are bound for New York. I do so hope that I will meet some interesting people and that this voyage is eventful.

I had lunch with a charming gentleman called George Wells. He told me that he hoped that he could get back to his time machine before we went down. I was a little shocked at his suggestion as we had only just met and I couldn't understand why he was so bothered about his watch.

Dined this evening with a rather unusual group of individuals. One was very scruffy indeed and said his name was Dave. His dinner request was for curry, which I believe is an Indian dish, and something called lager. The others in the group were no less outlandish. One introduced himself as Arnold Rimmer and had a rather odd scar on his forehead which looked like a letter H. Another fellow at the table was very vain. He called himself Cat and kept making cat-like noises especially when his meal of fish arrived. The fourth member of the motley assortment was called Crichton and his clothes covered him from head to foot. He wore dark glasses and a hat. It was as if he was hiding something. What I did see of his face was very strange indeed. I can only assume he had been disfigured in some horrific accident. Nevertheless, he was the most polite of the four and was very knowledgeable. He seemed to be able to discuss any matter at length without needing to refer to a book.

They left after dinner and when we shook hands I was shocked that Mr Crichton had cold almost metallic fingers. Mr Rimmer refused to shake my hand and appeared to walk through rather than around the table.

I needed several large gin and tonics after my meal.

In the evening I spent some time in the company of two rather scruffy young American fellows called William and Theodore. They called each other dude and anything they liked they described as bogus. Strange chaps. Later, an older chap they called Rufus approached. He told the young men that they were history, which I assume was some sort of coded message to tell them it was bedtime because it was at this point they left.

I had a few more gin and tonics before heading for my cabin.

11th April -

I have just met a charming young man who goes by the name of Luke Skywalker*. He had with him an older bearded gentleman who calls himself Obi Wankin Obi. We had lunch together. I must say Mr Skywalker's table manners leave a lot to be desired. Mr Obi was having to constantly remind him to use the fork.

Later, Mr Skywalker joined me and introduced me to a rather hairy friend of his who apparently likes to chew tobacco. I couldn't understand anything he said. Mr Skywalker explained that his friend was an Ewok. I was fascinated and wondered which part of Ewokia he came from. Mr Skywalker said that Mr Chew-Tobacco came from another planet.

Perhaps I should cut down on the gin.

I was joined for dinner by a lovely young man called Martin McFly and a Doctor Brown. Mr McFly obviously wasn’t too sure about sailing and was already wearing his life-vest. Doctor Brown seemed to be impressed by the feats of the intrepid Antarctic explorer Robert Scott because he continually exclaimed ‘Great Scott’. I agreed that Captain Scott was indeed great, but his constant reference to the fact did become rather tiresome.

I excused myself and headed to the bar for a few gin and tonics.

 

April 12th -

I left my cabin this morning to find that there was a police telephone box outside. I certainly don't recall it being there before. Perhaps I did have a gin or two too many. Anyway, a charming man wearing a floppy hat and a long scarf emerged and offered me a jelly baby (I have no idea what he meant). I asked his name and he told me that he was the doctor. I said, doctor who and he simply smiled. A man of mystery I thought.

I went for lunch and was joined by another charming young man who wore a bow tie and a sports jacket (very racy). He said it was so nice to meet me again. I don't recall meeting him on any previous occasions. He simply smiled and told me he was the doctor.

Perhaps I should take a few less gins at lunchtime.

At dinner I was joined by a young lady who sat down and talked as if we were old friends. So refreshing that a young lady should have such confidence. I asked her name and she smiled saying she was the doctor. I told her that I had never met a lady doctor before, and she told me that she was the first. How odd that I should meet three doctors on the same day.

During the evening I was joined by the man I assumed was the ship's captain. He told me his name was James T. Kirk and he had with him a fellow crew member who he introduced as the science officer, Mr Stock, I believe it was. He had the most unusual pixie-like ears. I was quite fascinated by them. The two men both seemed to be wearing casual wear for the evening. I suggested that whoever their tailor was should have made their trousers a bit longer. Mr Stock simply raised an eyebrow and said one word - illogical.

We were later joined by another two crew members who captain Kirk called Scotty and Bones. I think Scotty may have thought he could fool me into thinking he was Scottish, but having spent many a summer on Highland shooting trips with my Scottish cousin when I was a gel, I knew for a fact he wasn't; he didn't roll his r's the way my cousin did when we were banging away in the heather.

Mr Bones, it transpired, was another doctor. Fancy! Four doctors in one day.

 

April 13th -

I woke with a very sore head this morning. Too many gins maybe. Perhaps the doctor could give me a potion to relieve the throbbing. I knocked on the door of the police box which was answered by somebody I hadn't seen before. He spoke with a northern accent. I asked him if the doctor was in and he told me that he was the doctor. I really must have overdone the gin and tonics yesterday. The ship seems to be full of doctors.

At lunch I sat at a table with a chap called Arthur Dent who seemed to think it acceptable to wear his dressing gown and pyjamas. Standards are definitely not being upheld these days. It wouldn't have happened in the days of the dear old queen. Mr Dent had with him a chap called Ford Prefect, a lady who he called Trillion and a very odd looking individual called something like Zadok Needlebox. He wore a very loose garment to disguise a huge hump he had on one shoulder. Poor fellow. Perhaps it was the rocking motion of the ship, but I was sure I saw that hump moving around. At one point I swear I saw a third arm take some food and feed it to a second head hidden by the baggy outfit.

I really should cut down on the gin.

I was joined at dinner by Mr Skywalker with another friend, a small fellow wearing what appeared to be a dressing gown (So many untidy dressers) and he must have been suffering from sea sickness; he was a shocking hue of green. I couldn't help noticing his ears. They were even more pointed than Mr Stock's. Then the strangest thing happened; his ears actually wiggled.

Cut down on the gin, I should.

 

April 14th -

The weather is decidedly cold today. There seems to be a bit of a fog. I hope Captain Kirk can see where he's pointing the ship. I thought I would knock on the police box door to see who would open it. An old gentleman with long white hair peeping out below an Astrakhan hat, answered the door.

Just as he opened it, we heard a message from the captain on the bridge (a nautical term I believe) that an iceberg had been sighted and that if any of the passengers wanted to see it they should head for the starboard side of the ship. Well, with that, such a commotion occurred from within this tiny police box and suddenly another thirteen people emerged; including four of the doctors I had met previously. All seemed to be heading as quickly as they could for the starboard side. I looked all around the police box to ascertain where they had come from. What I had witnessed was nothing short of prestidigitation! They couldn't all have come out of this tiny little box. There was a lot of activity aboard as everybody rushed to see the iceberg. There seemed to be many more people on board than had embarked when the ship left Southampton. I have no idea where they had all come from.

I headed in a different direction towards the now deserted bar and ordered a very, very large gin and tonic. Maybe it was the drink, or perhaps it was the sheer number of people heading to the side of the ship, but I was convinced that the ship was beginning to list to one side.

 

*Yes, I know Star Wars doesn’t do time travel. Yet. Give it time. Just you wait until the plots dry up, they’ll be jumping back and forward in time like I don’t know what... And it did give me the excuse for a couple of feeble gags. This is the way.



.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or notorious individuals born on the 22nd of February? Of course there were; here are some I’ve actually heard of. George Washington 1732 (The well-known president.), Robert Baden-Powell 1857 (The well-known founder of the scouts. Married to Olave), Eric Gill 1882 (The well-known inventor of this typeface), Olave Baden-Powell 1889 (The well-known founder of the Girl Guide Movement [What’s so special about the way they move? - Ed.] Married to Robert.), Luis Buñuel 1900 (The well-known loony film director.), Robert Young 1907 (The well-known actor. Marcus Welby, that was him.), John Mills 1908 (Another well-known ectaw, dear leddie. Played Robert Falcon Scott in Scott of the Antarctic.), Bill Boddy 1913 (The not-so-well-known motoring journalist. He edited Motor Sport magazine from 1936 until 1991.), Norman ‘Hurricane’ Smith 1923 (Record producer and sometime singer. Here’s the bigger of his two hits.), William Wolfe 1924 (Politician. One time leader of the SNP.), Kenneth Williams 1926 (Ooooh! Matron!), Billy Dainty 1927 (Comedian with waggly legs), Guy Mitchell 1927 (Singer. Have a clip. All together now... I worked in a London bank.  Respectable position...), Bruce Forsyth 1928 (Entertainer, it says here.), Marni Nixon 1930 (Rarely seen but often heard on film. Provided the singing voice for Deborah Kerr (The King and I), Natalie Wood (West Side Story) and Audrey Hepburn (My Fair Lady). I think a clip is in order. Here’s an interesting piece.), Edward Kennedy 1932 (Politician from a rather well-known family), Katherine, Duchess of Kent 1933 (The well-known... erm... duchess.), Sheila Hancock 1933 (Ectress.), Jonathan Cecil 1939 (Actor who specialised in ‘silly ass’ roles.), Judy Cornwell 1940 (Actress), Christine Keeler 1942 (‘Showgirl’ who very nearly caused the collapse of the UK government of the day... But you’re not interested in that; you just want to see the picture.), 
 
Happy now, lads?
 
Tom Okker 1944 (Tennis speler.), John Radford 1947 (Footie bloke.), Deborah Grant 1947 (Actress.), Niki Lauda 1949 (Autorennfahrer.), John Duncan 1949 (Fitba block.), Miou Miou 1950 (Catlike actress.), Genesis P-Orridge 1950 (The well-known weirdo.), Julie Walters 1950 (Ectress, luvvie.), Nigel Planer 1953 (Actor. Had a hit record once and here it is.), Geoffrey Perkins 1953 (Radio and TV producer, writer and performer.), Gordon Kennedy 1958 (Actor.), Kyle MacLachlan 1959 (Actor), Steve Irwin 1962 (Daredevil who dared once too often.), Devon Malcolm 1963 (Crickety bloke.), Vijay Singh 1963, John Leslie 1966, Paul Cook 1967, Shaka Hislop 1969, Jamie Dolan 1969 (Golph khilaadee.), Brian Laudrup 1969 (Fodboldspiller.), Michael Chang 1972 (Tennis bloke.), James Blunt 1974 (Musician and rhyming slang. Bonfire Heart.  I should try Gaviscon, mate.), Chris Moyles 1974 (DJ.), Drew Barrymore 1975 (Actress.), Sergio Romero 1987 (Futbolista.), Kamran Khan 1990 (Squashy bloke.), Jack McMullen 1991 (Actor.), Ryan Christie 1995 (Fitba block.) and Adam Livingstone 1998 (Ex Motherwell fitba block.).

 

I’ve received a letter...

 

Dear Mr Rumpler,

I am the great fan of James Blunt the famous singer who has had the many hit records. I do not buy the single song discs but the album disc. The only disc I do not have is the last he make. Do you know the name of it?

Thank you very much,

Juan Suponatime.

 

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did our little bet go last Week? We got some money back. Yay! Not quite yay, we only got £2.08, so a loss of 12 pees. What happened? Read on.

 

Birmingham vs Brentford - Prediction Away win

Result - Birmingham 1 Brentford 1

Boo! ’It the bar!

Lukas Jutkiewicz tapped Birmingham in front from Gary Gardner's cross before Ethan Pinnock headed in the Brentford goal from a corner.

Teenager Jude Bellingham had almost given the Blues the lead inside the opening few minutes but saw his 20-yard strike bounce off the post.

A drab second half in appalling conditions saw home goalkeeper Lee Camp deny Emiliano Marcondes late on, while Birmingham thought they should have had a penalty when the ball appeared to hit Pinnock's arm in the area.

 

Sheffield Wed vs Reading - Prediction Home win

Result - Sheffield Wednesday 0 Reading 3

Boo!

Ovie Ejaria teed up Yakou Meite [These are people’s names? - Ed.] to open the scoring for the visitors in the first half before Wednesday's teenage defender Osaze Urhoghide was sent off shortly after the break for a second bookable offence.

George Puscas tapped in from an Andy Yiadom cross-shot and Sam Baldock wrapped up the win with a penalty in the last minute.

 

Ipswich vs Burton Albion - Prediction Home win

Result - Ipswich Town 4 Burton Albion 1

Yay!

Kayden Jackson and Alan Judge both scored twice as Ipswich came from behind to beat Burton 4-1.

Albion's goal came after a sixth-minute strike from Jamie Murphy.

Will Keane spurned a gilt-edged chance to put the home side into the lead when he had just Burton goalkeeper Kieran O'Hara to beat.

And Ipswich paid the price when Murphy soon struck for Albion.

Town goalkeeper Tomas Holy palmed over a shot from Joe Powell and Judge crashed a shot off the underside of the bar.

Judge did equalise in the 29th minute when he converted inside the six-yard box and Jackson put Town into the lead just before the break when he lobbed the ball over O'Hara, who was injured in the challenge and replaced by Ben Garratt.

Jackson stooped low to head home a cross from Judge to put Town further in front in the 52nd minute and Judge made it 4-1 in the 63rd minute when his low effort squirmed under Garratt and just crossed the line.

 

Southend vs Coventry - Prediction Away win

Result - Southend United 0 Coventry City 2

Yay!

The Sky Blues were denied by the woodwork on three occasions at a blustery Roots Hall but made sure of the win with goals from substitutes Callum O'Hare and Maxime Biamou.

Coventry came close to opening the scoring in the 28th minute when Jordan Shipley struck the outside of the left post.

Liam Walsh then curled a 25-yard free-kick against the crossbar before City broke the deadlock on the hour mark when O'Hare ran from deep before sending a low effort into the bottom right-hand corner of the net.

With City remaining on top, Sam McCallum curled a free-kick against the top of the crossbar before the visitors doubled their lead in the 79th minute with Biamou on target.

The Frenchman shrugged off the attentions of Shrimpers defender Miles Mitchell-Nelson before sending a 12-yard shot into the bottom corner to seal the win for City.

 

Macclesfield vs Exeter - Prediction Away win

Result - Macclesfield Town 2 Exeter City 3

Yay!

Exeter City let slip a two-goal lead before ex-Motherwell man Ryan Bowman scored a late winner to snatch victory at Macclesfield.

The visitors had been firmly in control once Nicky Ajose and Pierce Sweeney had established a 2-0 lead by the 16th minute.

The unmarked Ajose was given the simplest of tap-ins when Randell Williams' ball across the face of goal came to him a yard out.

And soon after, Sweeney produced a smart first-time finish from Brennan Dickenson's cross.

The visitors should have been further ahead before a fluke goal after 40 minutes gave struggling Macclesfield a lifeline.

Ben Tollitt delivered a cross into the area and the Grecians' Archie Collins fired his clearance against Connor Kirby, the rebound looping over goalkeeper Lewis Ward and into the net.

Despite playing into gale-force winds and torrential rain in the second half, Macc were the far better side and levelled through captain Fiacre Kelleher, who thundered home a header from Tollitt's corner after 63 minutes.

But, five minutes from time, an Exeter attack against the run of play ended with Williams' cross being turned in by Bowman.

 

I wonder what The Grambler has conjured up for us this week...

Game - Result - Odds

Crystal Palace vs Newcastle - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Sheffield Utd. vs Brighton - Prediction Home win - 19/20

Bristol C vs West Brom - Prediction Away win - 17/20

Stoke vs Cardiff - Prediction Home win - evens

Swansea vs Huddersfield - Prediction Home win - evens

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Predictions, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£11.02

Well, that’s a bit unwhopping, I reckon.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last time I asked you which Frenchman has made the most Premier League appearances. The answer was Silvain Distin with 469 appearances. Second was Nicolas Anelka with 364. Third, pop pickers, was Steed Malbranque with 336. Not arf!

One for this week? What was the original name of Burnley F.C.? Easy peasy.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Please, also take the time to click on this link, an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, I have just heard on the Beeb news that June Brown, who has played the character of Dot Cotton on Eastenders for the past 35 years, has decided to call it a day. Well, at 93 and with failing eyesight, she is perhaps entitled to think about taking it easy.

Why should I, someone who has never sat through a whole episode of the soap, even mention this fact? It is all to do with a little story that might bring a wee smile to your collective face.

Over seven years ago Stewart, the founder of the world's greatest ill-informed blog, was going through all sorts of hell thanks to the effects of bowel cancer and the various attempts to eradicate it. Most of his time was being spent in hospital with very little time at home.

As his second wedding anniversary approached, he thought about what might be an unusual gift for Geraldine. He didn't have much opportunity to go shopping but wanted to get something special; something different.

Now then, are you aware of the various materials associated with particular wedding anniversaries? We all know silver for 25 years, ruby for 40 and gold for 50, but there are many others.

A first wedding anniversary is, for example, paper. I'm not sure what paper gift is suitable for a wedding anniversary present... other than paper money. Always welcome.

Ten years is tin. Can't think of many things made of tin that would be welcomed as a gift. [Tin of beans? - Ed.]

Ahem... So what is the material associated with a second wedding anniversary? Yes? You at the back? It is indeed cotton. Well done.

So what did Stewart, in his not very mobile condition, do? He sent a letter to June Brown and asked her for a signed photograph of her as Dot Cotton. And do you know what? She obliged, wishing him and Geraldine a happy anniversary.

Isn't that a nice way to end this week's (g)ramble? June Brown; what a lovely lady.

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.