Thursday 14 September 2023

Post 486 - I've bin grambling

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will.

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy


I do apologise for there not being a gramble for a week or three, but I hope this bumper edition makes up a little for that. A family wedding and its planning had something to do with the non-appearance of one of those weeks. Another reason for the gap in editions was that we were taking time to remember Stewart (the founder of this august publication) who died ten years ago on 29th of August 2013. With this in mind, I invite you to read  Week 22: C'est le Grambler finalment! and Week 5 - The Grambler remembering Stewart 4 years on.

Your letters...


Have any of your readers spotted the resemblance between Eamonn Holmes and Dame Kelly Holmes? They could be father and daughter.


Ken Furlough.

[Well readers, have you ever thought that two totally dissimilar people were related? - Ed.]

Story time...

This week I will be talking rubbish. [No comment - Ed.] I mean, I will be talking about rubbish.

First of all I want to explain what prompted this topic. I was watching the TV the other day and there was a re-run of an old gardening makeover programme. What intrigued me about the transformed garden was that, although it looked spectacular, there seemed to be no provision made for a tool shed, washing line or rubbish bin. And it is the last of these which got me thinking [Dangerous. - Ed.]

Let me take you back (cos I'm going to Strawberry Fields...) to the 1950s. [Hovis time? - Ed.] Indeed.

I come from the town known as polomint city because of its proliferation (That's a good word. Wonder what it means.) of roundabouts... the road type, not the fairground ones. In the 50s, the town was brand new in that it was the first planned 'new town' to be begun in Scotland after the war. Thousands of houses were being built and all were based on maybe seven or eight basic designs ranging from studio flats to four and five bedroomed houses. One of the designs, that of a three- bedroomed terraced house [What is this? Homes under the hammer? - Ed.], had a somewhat ingenious idea for refuse collection. Or at least it seemed like a good idea at the time. These houses had no access to the back garden so the bin was placed in its own little cupboard at the front of the house. On bin collection days, the refuse collector... or bin man as I still call them, even though we actually have a bin lady, but that just sounds daft... simply opened the cupboard door, removed and emptied the bin, and returned the now empty bin to its little home.

The tenant didn't even have to leave the house to put rubbish into the bin because inside the house was a handy lid directly above the bin. You simply lifted that lid, then lifted the bin lid and, voila, rubbish disposed of. Brilliant, or what? I'm afraid, it's what.

The bin door wasn't locked, obviously, because the bin man needed access. The lid ought to have been locked, but a lot of people didn't bother. Can you see what's coming? A fairly small burglar could easily get into the bin cupboard, push up the lid above the bin and, hey bingo, access achieved without any breaking to enter. It didn't take long for householders to realise that a decent lock was required. Indeed, a heavy weight placed on top of the lid was an even better security measure.

So, once this had been sorted out, the system ran well until the advent of... da da da... the wheely bin.

These monstrosities were considerably larger than the old galvanised bins so couldn't possibly fit into the old bin cupboard. The council folk came up with what they considered to be a clever solution by providing plastic bin sacks to the people whose houses had this unusual bin shed arrangement.

Sorted. No, still not sorted.

The wheely bin was introduced to reduce the workload of the bin man. No longer did he have to lift any bins, he could simply wheel it to the refuse lorry, press a button and a clever hydraulic lifting and tipping mechanism did the rest. What an excellent way to improve health and safety for the bin men.

Huzzah for common sense.

Councils also used the introduction of wheely bins as an excuse to reduce the number of employees it needed for bin emptying duties. Whereas, as many as eight people might be needed to man a bin lorry, the new bins meant that only half that number was needed. It didn't take councils long to make further cuts by insisting that householders took their own bins to the roadside so that the bin men didn't even have to move them other than positioning them onto the lorry.

Why am I giving this unnecessary lecture on how refuse collection works in polomint city?

Consider those households that were forced to use bin bags. Not just ordinary refuse sacks either, but giant bin bags. Each, big enough to take a week's worth of rubbish. The idea was simple enough; keep the bin bag in the bin cupboard as before but, on refuse collection days, lift it to the roadside for the bin men to lift.

Sorted... No, as I have already stated, definitely not sorted. There is a big problem. Well, a smallish, four-legged problem. In fact, several four-legged problems known as foxes. Those well-known members of the genus canis or, as we say in Scotland, dug, which survive by hunting smaller animals... except they don't, do they? Not if they can simply rip open a bin bag to help themselves to households' food waste.

So, that idea soon got the heave-ho. What else could those good people in the council offices come up with? Why, wheely bins, of course. Nowadays, if you live in one of those houses without access to the back garden, you have the same wheely bins as every other householder. That is bins plural. We now have one bin for household waste, one for garden and food waste, one for paper and cardboard and one for plastic, glass and metal. The view from the front window is now spoiled by these four bins of various hues.

I have a better solution. [You bloody would have. - Ed.] We should adopt the system used in other parts of the world where, instead of individual bins, there is a communal bin shed where everyone can place their rubbish in gigantic industrial sized bins.

It would mean that gardens would have a bit more space and, in particular, those houses without access to the rear could have their view back.

Good idea? What do you reckon?

Who said rubbish?



Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 2nd of September? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Kirkpatrick Macmillan 1812 - Inventor who is credited with inventing the pedal-driven bicycle... but did he?

Eileen Way 1911 - Jobbing actress. Agatha Poldark in Poldark (1977).

Bill Shankly 1913 - Fitba guy. [Sounds like he had something wrong with him... ‘Ooh, I’m a bit shankly today.’ - Ed.] Ahem.

George Brown 1914 - Politish... hic... politishunnan.

Ronnie Stevens 1925 - Actor. Rawlinson in A.J. Wentworth B.A.

Russ Conway 1925 - Ivory tickler. Would you like a clip? Of course you would. He had a couple of number ones; here he appears in a 1961 film playing a toon he called Roulette.

Francis Matthews 1927 - Actor. Paul Temple in... would you Adam and Eve it... Paul Temple.

Victor Spinetti 1929 - Actor and theatre director. [How do you direct a theatre? - Ed.] Ahem. Vic Evans in Two in Clover. Factoid: He was the only actor to appear in both Beatles feature films, A Hard Day’s Night and Help!

Derek Fowlds 1937 - Actor. Oscar Blaketon in Heartbeat.

Glyn Worsnip 1938 - TV and radio presenter.

Kevin Woodcock 1942 - Cartoonist.

Roger Coughlan 1947 - Musician. Drummer with Caravan. A clip? Why soitenly. Here’s Golf Girl.

Moira Stuart 1949 - Newsreader.

Mik Kaminski 1951 - Fiddler. One time member of ELO and Violinski. Have a clip. Here’s Clog Dance.

Adrian Fisher 1952 - Musician. He was guitarist in Sparks when it was a five-piece band. Here’s an early piece from them, Never Turn Your Back on Mother Earth.

Maurice Colclough 1953 - Rugby bloke.

Keith Allen 1954 - Actor, writer, comedian, singer-songwriter, musician, television presenter, film director, it says here.

Keir Starmer 1962 - Politician and barrister. [Does he work in Costa or Starbucks? - Ed.]

Sue Cleaver 1963 - Actress. Eileen Grimshaw in Coronation Street.

Lennox Lewis 1965 - Boxy bloke.

Tim Key 1976 - Comedian.

Gary Hollywood 1979 - Actor. Dino Doyle in Mrs Brown’s Boys.

Chris Tremlett 1981 - Crickety bloke.

Joey Barton 1982 - Footy bloke.

Michael Higdon 1983 - Footy bloke. Ex-Motherwell, you know.

Now then, what about the 9th of September?

William Bligh 1754 - Officer of the British Royal Navy. Yes, him. The one they made the film about. The one about the mutiny on the Bounty. He made it back to Britain after being cast adrift. Yes, then he invented the coconut chocolate bar and the rest is history.

Beverley Nicholls 1898 - Writer, playwright and public speaker. All I remember him for was a cat food advert.

Michael Aldridge 1920 - Actor. Seymour Utterthwaite in Last of the Summer Wine.

Jimmy Perry 1923 - Script writer and actor.

Ruth Trouncer 1930 - Jobbing actress. Joyce Rogers in The Larkins (the 1958 one).

Margaret Tyzack 1931 - Actress. Winifred Dartie in The Forsyte Saga (the 1967 one).

John Reid 1949 - Music manager of artists such as Queen and Elton John.

John Curry 1949 - Skatey bloke.

Dave Stewart 1952 - Musician. One time Eurythmic. Have a clip. Here’s an oldie, Never Gonna Cry Again.

Hugh Grant 1960 - Actor. William Thacker in Notting Hill.

Mike Ashley 1964 - Businessman and former owner of Newcastle United.

John ‘Yogi’ Hughes 1964 - Fitba guy.

Julia Sawalha 1968 - Actress. Saffron in Absolutely Fabulous.

Hal Cruttenden 1969 - Comedian.

Rodney Smith aka Roots Manuva 1972 - Rapper. Time to witness the fitness.

Natasha Kaplinsky 1972 - Newsreader.

Adam James 1972 - Actor. Robert Dillon in Home from Home.

Jon McLaughlin 1987 - Fitba guy.

Stuart Carswell 1993 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell, you know.

Let’s not forget those born on the 16th of September...

Henry V of England 1386 - The well-known king and play.

Arthur Towle aka Arthur Lucan aka Old Mother Riley 1885 - (Over)Actor. Played Old Mother Riley in a number of dreadful films. [I’m guessing you didn’t rate him too highly. - Ed.]


Arthur Lucan, the original drag queen

Walter ‘W.O.’ Bentley 1888 - Motor engineer.

Alexander Korda 1893 - Film producer and director.

Guy Hamilton 1922 - Film director.

Bella Emberg 1937 - Actress. Appeared a lot with Russ Abbott; famously as Blunderwoman (Oh how we laughed.).

Bernie Calvert 1942 - Musician. A member of The Hollies from 1966 to 1981, playing bass guitar and keyboards. A clip? I think so. How about this, a live rendition of Carrie Anne.

Julia Donaldson 1948 - Writer of children’s books. The Gruffalo is one of hers.

Kenney Jones 1948 - Drummer with a few bands including Small Faces, Faces and The Who. I think a clip is in order. Here’s an early one Sha La La La Lee.

Belinda Sinclair 1950 - Actress. Fran in Shelley.

Andy Irvine 1951 - Rugby guy.

Mark Ellen 1953 - TV presenter, journalist and Paul McCartney lookalike.

Alan Barton 1953 - Singer who was a member of Black Lace when they were having hits such as Agadoo and Superman. Shall we have a clip? Aye go on, then. Here’s Britain’s entry in the 1979 Eurovision Song Contest, Mary Anne.  It didn’t win. [There’s a surprise. - Ed.]

Janet Ellis 1955 - TV presenter, actress and writer.

Neville Southall 1958 - PĂȘl-droediwr. Holds the club record for most appearances for Everton: 578 league games and a total of 750 in all competitions.

Danny John-Jules 1960 - Actor. Cat in Red Dwarf.

Martin Coogan 1960 - Musician. He fronted The Mock Turtles. Remember them? Here’s their only top 20 hit, Can You Dig It. [I most certainly can. Dig that crazy groove, man - Ed.]

Stephen Jones 1962 - Musician and novelist. He had a big hit under the name Babybird, and here it is: You're Gorgeous.  [Why, thank you. - Ed.]

Justine Frischmann 1969 - Artist and musician. She was the lead singer of Elastica, so I think another clip is in order. Here’s Waking Up or is it No More Heroes? Discuss.

Ed Stoppard 1974 - Actor. Henryk in The Pianist.

Katie Melua 1984 - Singer-Songwriter. Here’s her first hit, The Closest Thing to Crazy.

Kyle Lafferty 1987 - Foody blook, so he is.

Sophie Powles 1988 - Actress. Holly Barton in Emmerdale.

Jake Roche 1992 - Singer-songwriter and actor. Here’s his big hit as half of Push Baby, Me and My Broken Heart.  Factoid: He is the son of Shane Richie and Coleen Nolan.




I’ve received a letter...


I recently wrote asking if Dame Kelly Holmes and Eamonn Holmes were related. Silly me. I actually meant Larry Holmes, the well-known pugilist. Are Larry Holmes and Eamonn Holmes related in any way? They could easily pass for father and daughter.


Ken Furlough.




Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Krabdoles fare? We won. Sort of. Three results out of five went our way (with the other two being draws... grrr) so we didn’t quite get our stake money back, winning £2.14 from our £2.20 outlay. Shame. What happened? Read on...

Burton vs Bolton - Away win

Result - Burton 1 Bolton 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

MARK Helm’s early second half goal ensured a share of the spoils from a 1-1 draw with Bolton Wanderers

Helm took advantage of lax defending less than a minute into the second half to notch the Brewers first home league goal of the campaign but it wasn’t enough to secure all three points as Dion Charles equalised for Bolton before the hour mark was up.

After a positive start Albion really should have taken the lead on eight minutes. Defender Jack Iredale gave away possession to Bobby Kamwa and the forward sped into the box, rounded keeper Nathan Baxter and then saw his shot hit the post as Iredale got back ready to clear.

Kamwa’s pace was a concern for the Bolton defence and the striker had another more difficult chance on twelve minutes but from the edge of the box drilled an effort wide of the target.

Wanderers grew into the game and Randell Williams had their first real chance midway through the half, breaking into the box and after being forced wide by John Brayford, seeing his angled shot pushed around the post by Max Crocombe.

Rekeem Harper then had a chance pouncing on more dubious Bolton defending to drive into the box but his low shot rolled wide of Baxter’s goal.

As the game settled into more of an even battle, defences started to get on top but Crocombe still had to be alert when Charles’ effort on forty minutes came through a crowded box and safely into the keeper’s waiting arms.

The keeper also did superbly when Charles crept in behind the Brewers defence but could not find a way past the stopper’s sprawling save.

Whilst Crocombe was keeping his first half clean sheet, attention, and concern, switched to the other end where Mason Bennett required attention and could take no further part, limping off to be replaced by Josh Gordon.

Within a minute of the restart Albion got a goal to give them a real boost. Kamwa got into an attacking position on the right and when his low crossed was missed by a defender, Helm had the simple task of sweeping the ball into the empty net at the back post.

Bolton tried to hit back quickly and Victor Adeboyejo saw an acrobatic effort hit a grounded Brayford before dropping wide and Paris Maghoma also got into a good position but could not keep his effort down.

The visitors had their equaliser on 58 minutes when Albion’s back line failed to deal with a hopeful ball forward and Charles was able to capitalise to roll the ball into an unguarded goal.

Albion really should have gone back in front on 65 minutes, Brayford’s towering header dropping inside the six yard box where both Gordon and Deji Oshilaja could not quite squeeze it over the line.

Adeboyejo thought he had turned the game around completely for the visitors with twenty mintues remaining but he was denied by an outstanding save at close range by Crocombe.

It was the striker’s final action as Bolton made a triple substitution to try and swing the game in their favour in the latter stages.

Albion also threw on Mustapha Carayol and Kwadwo Baah late on but despite late skirmishes in both penalty areas a winner would not come for either side.


Oxford vs Charlton - Home win

Result - Oxford 2 Charlton 1


Two goals from Tyler Goodrham gave Oxford United the win over Charlton at the Kassam Stadium.

Charlton caused plenty of problems in the first five minutes and it needed a smart save from James Beadle to keep a Nathan Asiimwe drive out and then a brave block at the feet of Alfie May as the visitors looked for an early goal. But from then on United took control of the first half.

After ten minutes they were in front when Goodrham ran at the retreating Addicks back line, with Ruben Rodrigues, Billy Bodin and Mark Harris all alongside. His teammates made runs that drew men away and Goodrham exploited the space to hammer the ball past Harry Isted for a superb goal.

Pressing Charlton all over the pitch, United continually stole the ball in dangerous areas; Bodin and Rodrigues both went close as a result and there was some delightful football as they dominated the game. One dummy from Harris to send Marcus McGuane free on half way left half the South Stand looking the wrong way, while McGuane ran the game with a commanding performance in midfield.

All that was missing was a second goal and that really should have been a formality when Goodrham again sprinted clear on 38 minutes but picked out the one covering defender, with the unmarked Harris and Bodin waiting to apply the finishing touch.

Booed off by their travelling fans, the stung Addicks had three different players on by the start of the second half and looked far more fired up. They had left three United players crumpled in heaps before the 50th minute and ended up with seven players booked plus a member of the backroom team.

Just after the hour that fighting spirit paid off, when Alfie May found space inside the box and buried the ball below Beadle to pull level.

Now the game went end to end. The excellent Stephan Negru didn't quite get enough on a dropping ball with the goal at his mercy, and a Brannagan free kick hammered into Isted's chest as it flew through the wall with nine minutes left. United needed a hero, and when Rodrigues flicked the ball to sub Stan Mills the ball broke to the perfect person. Goodrham squeezed the ball past the exposed Isted and United were back in front.

Port Vale vs Carlisle - Home win

Result - Port Vale 1 Carlisle 0


James Wilson's second-half penalty handed Port Vale a hard-earned victory against Carlisle.

The hosts bossed the early stages, with Nathan Smith and Wilson both going close.

Eventually Carlisle replied, when Owen Moxon fired just over the top following Callum Guy's smart pass.

Guy himself went close soon after, with his terrific strike from distance being superbly beaten out by Vale keeper Connor Ripley.

Vale thought they had scored shortly before the interval but Ethan Chislett was thwarted by an assistant referee's flag.

The hosts did strike shortly after the restart, from the penalty spot. Carlisle keeper Jokull Andresson tugged back Chislett in the box, leaving Wilson to coolly slot home from the spot.

The lead was almost doubled soon after when Alex Iacovitti lashed a shot just over.

But Carlisle almost levelled when Sean Maguire headed Jack Armer's cross inches wide.


Wimbledon vs Forest Green - Home win

Result - Wimbledon 1 Forest Green 1

Ooh! ’It the bar again!

A late goal from Troy Deeney saw Forest Green Rovers salvage a valuable point at AFC Wimbledon.

A combination of Deeney and Tyrese Omotoye bundled the ball over the line.

The hosts started the game brightly but it was Rovers who went close after just 15 minutes. Kyle McAllister laid the ball off to Charlie McCann on the edge of the box - and the midfielder's curling right footed effort kissed the post.

FGR had another chance to take the lead 12 minutes later. Jamie Robson put in a delicious cross from the left side, finding the head of Matty Stevens six yards out, but his header was saved by Bass.

AFC Wimbledon took the lead 10 minutes before the break, with James Ball rising highest from a corner. James Tilley could have doubled the advantage just before the interval, but his free-kick just went over Luke Daniels' bar.

Rovers wrestled back some control in the second period, with Deeney and Omotoye causing problems.

There were two huge moments on the three quarters of an hour mark. Firstly, Ali Al-Hamadi beat the offside trap and raced through one-on-one with Daniels. With just the 'keeper to beat, the forward blasted the ball well over the bar.

60 seconds later, Rovers equalised. A defence-splitting ball from McCann found Deeney, who looped the ball over the head of Bass - and then the ball somehow made its way across the line, with Omotoye and Deeney helping to bundle it over.

Rovers were under pressure in the final moments - but Daniels was at his dependable best to keep out Josh Neufville and Al-Hamadi.

Newport vs Sutton - Home win

Result - Newport 3 Sutton 1


Three goals in the last twenty minutes consigned Sutton to a defeat after Omari Patrick's goal early in the second half had given U's the lead. Joe Kizzi's own goal saw Newport level before goals from Harry Charsley and Will Evans secured the points for the home side.

With skipper Craig Eastmond missing through injury there was a first league start for U's for Craig Clay, with Harry Beautyman taking the captain's armband, while Sam Hart and Aiden O'Brien were fit to take places on the substitutes' bench.

There weren't too many clear sights of goal for either side in the early stages, Jack Rose diving on a glancing Ryan Delaney header following a long throw from Shane McLoughlin, and Patrick seeing a curling effort that might have been heading inside the post deflected away by James Clarke. Midway through the half the game's first corner produced a half chance for the home side as Aaron Wildig's flag kick from the left was headed wide by Clarke, and on the half hour Adam Lewis sent a 20-yard shot just too high for the hosts after a cross from the right had run loose.

Newport threatened again eight minutes before half time when Will Evans collected a high ball over the top and stayed clear of Omar Sowunmi only to see Rose dive to his left to save and then react superbly to deny Seb Palmer-Houlden as the ball ran loose. It had been far from one way traffic, though, with Josh Coley and Omari Patrick both lively on the flanks, and after doing well to create some space Coley saw one shot blocked. Coley and Lee Angol were booked for fouls in quick succession in first half stoppage time but Newport were unable to take advantage of the free kicks as the half ended goalless.

The first chance of the second half was Sutton's, as a Rob Milsom free kick was cleared as far as Harry Beautyman, whose low shot was deflected wide, but just three minutes later U's had the lead as Coley's cross found the head of Angol at the far post, and although his header was blocked the ball ran loose to Patrick who fired home.

Rose came to Sutton's rescue, and Milsom's in particular, five minutes later when Scot Bennett's cross was headed back by Palmer-Houlden, and a ricochet off Milsom was going in until Rose's reaction save stopped it on the line, and as the home side looked for an equaliser Beautyman blocked Wildig's shot and Bryn Morris shot just over after Rose had punched Wildig's cross clear. U's still threatened, though, and Patrick was denied by Nick Townsend after being put through by Coley.

The game turned as Newport brought on sub Omar Bogle and the striker was involved in the build up that led to the equaliser within four minutes, as he combined with Evans to release Lewis on the left, and his cross was diverted spectacularly in by a diving Kizzi. Seven minutes later and the turn round was complete as another Lewis cross was collected by McLaughlin beyond the far post, and he chipped the ball back for Harry Charsley to head home.

Patrick shot too high from the edge of the penalty area before U's rang the changes with four substitutes, Sowunmi going in to the forward line, but before the changes could take any effect another replacement, Sam Hart, was unable to prevent the ball reaching Palmer-Houlden on the right and his cross was headed in by Evans. It might have been worse but for a fine save by Rose from Bogle after the striker had been left clear by Ryan Jackson's underhit pass.

What has The Grambler randomly selected this week? Let’s have a look at the five games, all of which take place at 3pm on Saturday, the 16th of Setember.

Game - Result - Odds

Fulham vs Luton - Home win - 4/6

Huddersfield vs Rotherham - Home win - 10/11

Norwich vs Stoke - Home win - 10/11

Exeter vs Cheltenham - Home win - 4/6

Lincoln vs Carlisle - Home win - 20/23

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping


Averagely whopping, I reckon.




Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Torquay, England in 1995. A forward, I began my senior career at Exeter City (having progressed through the youth ranks). In 2017 I was transferred to Championship club Brentford before moving to my current club, Aston Villa, in 2020 for a fee of £28 million. I have been capped for England seven times.

Answer - Ollie Watkins

2. Which Brazilian player scored the most Premier League goals last season?

Answer - Gabriel Martinelli with 15

3. Who scored over 100 goals for both Crystal Palace and Arsenal in the 1980s and 90s?

Answer - Ian Wright

4. Which English club plays home games at the Bet365 Stadium?

Answer - Stoke City

5. Here’s another name jumble. This time, it’s a footballer who was a prolific Premier League goalscorer in his day.


Answer - Michael Owen

How did you get on? Easy, weren’t they? No? Oh dear. Well, here are five more to tease you this week.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Stourbridge in the West Midlands in 2003. I joined Birmingham City as an under eight and made my senior debut there in 2019 aged just 16 years and 38 days. In 2020, I moved to Borussia Dortmund and this year have transferred to Real Madrid. I have been capped 26 times for England.

2. Which Swedish player scored the most Premier League goals last season?

3. Which Croatian has scored the most international goals?

4. A Champions League question - Which two clubs are in the Champions League Group Stage for the first time?

5. I do hope you are enjoying the anagrams, because here’s another. Clue? He’s a current Premier League player. [Call that a clue? - Ed.]


There you have it; five teasers to test you. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.




Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK



Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: The amount raised is miles out of date. The actual amount raised has increased a little over the past couple of weeks. To mark the tenth anniversary of Stewart’s death, his friends organised a quiz night. It wasn’t supposed to be a fundraiser, but many people donated all the same. Thanks to everyone who attended and enjoyed a Motherwell-themed quiz.





And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to Mr. W. Shankly. The late, great Liverpool manager, Bill Shankly could always come up with the perfect motivational line to inspire his supporters (or criticism to put down his detractors). Here, he provides us with a few pearls of wisdom to end this week’s edition of your favourite ill-informed blog. (I may have used some of these before, but the guy was a legend, they deserve to be seen again.)

Forget the Beatles and all the rest. This is the real Liverpool sound. It's real singing, and it's what the Kop is all about.

My idea was to build Liverpool into a bastion of invincibility. Had Napoleon had that idea he would have conquered the bloody world. I wanted Liverpool to be untouchable. My idea was to build Liverpool up and up until eventually everyone would have to submit and give in.

I’ve been a slave to football. It follows you home, it follows you everywhere, and eats into your family life. But every working man misses out on some things because of his job.

Well the Kop’s exclusive. The Spion Kop at Liverpool is an institution. And if you are a member of the Kop you feel as if you are a member of a big society where you’ve got thousands of friends all roundabout you. And they’re united and loyal.

It's a 90 minute game for sure. In fact I used to train for a 190 minute game so that when the whistle blew at the end of the match I could have played another 90 minutes.

If you're not sure what to do with the ball, just pop it in the net and we'll discuss your options afterwards.

We absolutely annihilated England. It was a massacre. We beat them 5-4.

If you can't support us when we lose or draw, don't support us when we win.

The socialism I believe in is everybody working for the same goal and everybody having a share in the rewards. That’s how I see football, that’s how I see life.

Aim for the sky and you'll reach the ceiling. Aim for the ceiling and you'll stay on the floor.

A football team is like a piano. You need eight men to carry it and three who can play the damn thing.

If you are first you are first. If you are second, you are nothing.

At a football club, there's a holy trinity - the players, the manager and the supporters. Directors don't come into it. They are only there to sign the cheques.

A lot of football success is in the mind. You must believe you are the best and then make sure that you are.

Laddie, that man scored 200 goals in 270 matches - an incredible record - and he has won cup after cup as a manager. When he talks, pin back your ears.

If a man….who’s playing in front of the public, is being well paid, and he doesn’t dedicate himself to the job, I’d be hard on him. If I could I would put him in jail, out of the road of society. Because he’s a menace.

Football is a simple game based on the giving and taking of passes, of controlling the ball and of making yourself available to receive a pass. It is terribly simple.

We are a team. We share the ball, we share the game, we share the worries.

Pressure is working down the pit. Pressure is having no work at all. Pressure is trying to escape relegation on 50 shillings a week. Pressure is not the European Cup or the Championship or the Cup Final. That's the reward.

And on his supposed hatred of Everton...

The difference between Everton and the Queen Mary is that Everton carry more passengers!

When I've got nothing better to do, I look down the league table to see how Everton are getting along.

If Everton were playing down the bottom of my garden, I'd draw the curtains.

In my time at Anfield we always said we had the best two teams on Merseyside - Liverpool and Liverpool reserves.



That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.


Happy grambling.