Saturday 29 December 2012

Week 20: Following in the footsteps of Orwell.

Some projects can result in life changing experiences with devoted workers often given the opportunity to travel the world in search of essential information and fresh research to make said project a success.  The Grambler can now count itself as one of these endeavours.  Having previously been written from such majestic locations as 'my flat' and 'the Starbucks down the road', this edition is brought to you live from... the hospital!

Not just any hospital though (warning: history lesson due to commence) for it was this very hospital to which a Mr Eric Arthur Blair was admitted for treatment for tuberculosis back in 1947.  Blair was better known by his drag-queen stage-name name Big Barbara McBoobs but others may know him by his pen-name; George Orwell.  Orwell was already a well known novelist and satirist sadly nearing the end of his days as he arrived in said hospital.  He had made a name for himself with writings and essays based on his own experiences policing in Burma, living rough in Paris and Britain, fighting the war on fascism in Spain and encountering a farm run by a Stalinist pig.  But in the year 1947 in this very hospital, Orwell started work on his most famous and influential novel.  Based in a Dystopian future where governments had complete control over the population's every waking move and policed their thoughts, this book would go on to be used as a warning against officials gaining too much power the world over.  Orwell titled it 'Crazy Winston and the Great Mystery of Them People What Can Read Minds and Do Other Bad Stuff: With A Vengeance' but the publishers changed it to 1984.  So there you go, this blog is being written in the very same spot as one of the greatest pieces of literature of all time!  And by very same spot, I obviously mean that it was two miles down the road and demolished over 50 years ago, but let's not let facts get in the way of interesting nonsense.  Besides, I'm sure ol' George would have been ecstatic about the overpriced, PFI funded, already crumbling hospital full of failing equipment which has taken it's name.

And with that piece of satire which Mr Orwell would have been proud of, how's about some predictions?

Game 1: Fulham vs Swansea 
Prediction: Home win
Martin Jol's Fulham side were somewhat impressive last season as they finished the season comfortably in 9th place.  However, they have been hot and cold this season and currently languish in 14th.  A Boxing Day draw with Premiership strugglers Southampton angered Jol but he should perhaps have less offended by the result and more offended by striker Dimitar Berbatov.  The Bulgarian striker has been one of the most likeable strikers in the top flight for the past decade.  Often appearing lazy and always cocky with a 'couldn't care less' attitude and insane amount of skill, Berbatov has been a joy to watch.  However, he had to tarnish his image by celebrating with a 'keep calm and pass me the ball' T-shirt; a variation of the choice slogan of the brain dead, one which adorns every other item in Poundland...  Why Dimitar?  Swansea have enjoyed a good first-half of the season under Michael Laudrup and currently sit 9th in the table.  They failed to impress in their midweek game however, running out a goalless draw with relegation-fodder Reading at home.  Unfortunately for the Swans, top-scorer and bargain of the season Michu has been ruled out for this match, denting their chances of a win.  Laudrup will hope that Danny Graham can find his form from last season to provide the goals.  And also that crazed Ashley Williams doesn't go on another killing spree.
Odds: 11/10

Game 2: Morton vs Dunfermline
Prediction: Away win
The pick of the games from the First Division schedule today sees 2nd take on 3rd as both sides aim to remove Patrick Thistle from pole position.  There are now only two points separating the top three sides in the division as we head into the second-half of the season.  Morton fans will have been delighted by their sides recent form as they are now undefeated since the 10th of November.  On Wednesday they managed to pull of what seemed like the impossible by defeating Thistle at Firhill, thus ending the leader's impressive 100℅ home record.  Morton fans will be less delighted to realise that they live in Greenock.  Dunfermline had been impressive in the early stages of the season but have not won a single league game this month.  They were unfortunate to fall to defeat at home to Falkirk on Boxing Day, losing to a 90th minute Bairns goal.  Pars gaffer Jim Jeffries has described this tie as a 'massive' match in the race for the title, no doubt with his usual enthusiasm that makes him sound like he is about to throw himself in front of a moving freight train.
Odds:6/4

Game 3: Sunderland vs Tottenham
Prediction: Home win
Sunderland have, for the most part, been unimpressive this season.  In the early stages of the campaign they became known as draw specialists prone to throwing away leads whilst manager Martin O'Neill became one of the bookies favourites for the sack.  But the Black Cats gifted their fans with a seasonal stocking filler in the form of a 1-0 win over current champions Manchester City thanks to a goal from Adam Johnson.  The Wearside team have now won three of their last four league games, having kept a clean-sheet in each victory, and will be hoping to continue this resurgence.  Spurs fans seem to slowly coming to terms with manager Andres Vilas-Boas' methods.  The boss was booed by sections of the Spurs support after a sloppy start to the season but with his side now eyeing up third-spot in the league the boos have changed to sighs at the Portuguese's rugged features.  Tottenham recorded their biggest victory of the season against current Premiership whipping boys Aston Villa on Boxing Day, inspired by hat-trick from simian-lookalike cheat Gareth Bale (nope, I've still not forgiven him for that dive against Scotland).  Spurs have not allowed their defender Danny Rose, currently on-loan at Sunderland, to turn out against them today resulting in Rose reportedly telling his dad on them.
Odds: 11/4

Game 4: Brighton vs Watford 
Prediction: Home win
Brighton are currently placed a respectable 10th in the Championship but lead the way in two unwanted areas in the league; they have drawn more games than any other side in the division this year, with 10 draw in 23 attempts, and they have failed to score in more home games than other side.  They have yet to record a win in December, although last week's match against the Comedic Imploding Chicken Factory XI was postponed due to a waterlogged pitch.  The Seagulls have made several sacrifices in the name of Aztec rain God Tlalec this week to ensure that the Falmer Stadium is fit for some footballing action today.  Brighton welcome back midfielder Gary Dicker from injury... Nope, can't think of any jokes about his name.  Watford have shown their intent to return to the Premiership following a takeover from The Mafia the Pozzo family and find themselves 6th and challenging for a playoff place.  The Hornets have won twice and drawn once in their last four but like their opponents, their last match was a washout.  Unlike their opponents, manager Gianfranco Zola performed ceremonies to the Inuit rain God Asiaq.  One of them has to have picked the right deity.    Whatever the outcome of today's game, don't expect Watford to park the bus.  It's something that they have trouble with.
Odds: 1/1

Game 5: Aldershot vs Torquay
Prediction: Home win
Damn you Torquay, where were you last week when I needed a turkey pun?  It's useless showing up now, at least 350 days before anyone is likely to even contemplate eating turkey!  You deserve to lose for crap timing alone.  Not that it matters anyway as this game is this week's Game What Has Been Called Off Because Of The Bloody Typical British Weather Of The Week.
Odds: 8/5

Them are some swell predictions!  And should they all be correct, £102 shall be added to the Bobby Moore Fund fund.  Worth mentioning that the reason for my hospitalisation is linked to the marauding bastard that is bowel cancer, so here's a thought seeing as it's the season of goodwill and giving... You know that lovely wee granny of yours who gave you £20 for Christmas? Show her how kind you can be by nicking her purse and giving the contents to the Bobby Moore Fund.

Have a good New Year all, we shall return for some more Grambling in 2013!

Saturday 22 December 2012

Week 19: Merry apocalyptic Christmas!

"Debris Snow is falling, all around me
Children fending for themselves in a wasteland comparable to Mad Max II 
playing - having fun,
It's the end of the world, we're doomed! Swallow the cyanide now to avoid the horrible pain!
season for love and understanding,
Merry apocalypse Christmas everyone!"

And so it appears that the end of the world never came to fruition... yet again.  Perhaps I should ask The Grambler to predict when the apocalypse will genuinely come and then lead a band of obsessives into a mass suicide... Anyone up for it?

I was all set for saving my money and time and avoiding doing a Grambler this week on the basis that we'd all be dead anyway.  But unfortunately, this is not the case.  So I suppose I'd best force as many contrived Christmas puns as possible into the following to appease our festive overlords. 


Game 1: Snowmanchester City vs Rudolph the Reading Nosed Reindeer
Prediction: Home win
City aim to keep the pressure on rivals Manchestnuts United who currently sit 6 points ahead at the top of the Premiership.  They have not been in the best of form of late with only two wins in the last five matches.  The current champions will have to make do without midfielder Santa Nasri and controversial striker the Virgin Mario Balotelli.  Reading have lost six games on the trot and have the divisions worst away record, with just 2 points from a possible 27.  The Royals are currently the Premiership's stocking fillers and Brian McDermott may have to be queueing outside of Debenhams on Boxing Day morning in the hope of finding that bargain striker to keep his side up.
Odds on this result: 1/7

Game 2: Tottenham Hohohotspur vs Stoke the Log Fire City
Prediction: Home win
Spurs are level on points with Chelsea in the chase for third place in the Premiership.  The White (Christmas) Hart Lane side have developed a habit of conceding late goals this season, Andre Villas Boas will hope that his side do not offer any gifts to the opposition attackers today.  Striker Oh Come, Oh Come Emmanuel Adebayor faces a late fitness test.  Stoke have proved to be a hard side to defeat this season and currently inhabit 9th place in the league.  However, the Potters have won only one away game this term.  Midfielder Charlie Adam will miss out today as he has been granted compassionate leave.  
Odds on this result: 8/13

Game 3: Notts Countying Down the Days 'til Xmas vs Sleighton Orient
Prediction: Home win
Getting into the true Christmas spirit, Notts County have confirmed that this game is off as a result of flooding at Meadow Lane.  
Odds on this result: 11/10

Game 4: Celturkey vs Cranberry Sauce County
Prediction: Home win
It has been a big week for Celtic as they drew European giants Yuleventus in the next round of the Champions League, but it's back to SPL duty as they aim to keep the pressure on inevitable champions Motherwell.  Injured forward duo Kris Kringle Commons and Anthony Stokes will be playing charades in the stand.   County started the season brightly but now find themselves slipping towards the bottom spot.  They will be outsiders today so will hope that fellow Highlanders Inverness can do them a favour by beating bottom side Dundee.
Odds on this result: 1/6

Game 5: Coventry Once In Royal David's City vs Preston North Pole
Prediction: Draw
Just one point separates these two sides in League Two.  Coventry were impressive last week in their 4-1 demolition of Little Donkeycaster, whilst Preston managed to take a single point away to Portsmouth.  Sky Blues manager Mark Red, Red Robins faces a dilemma over his striking choices as stand-in Adam Barton impressed in last week's win.  Preston's Christmas Robertson returns from suspension and could go straight back into the starting eleven in place of Shane Cansdell-Sherriff, who starts a two match ban.
Odds on this result: 12/5

Slim pickings this week, the draw is not too far-fetched and one cancellation leaves us with a poor 14/1.  But we are surely due a win, maybe Santa will make it my present this year?

That is all from the apocalyptic Christmas special, as one famous philosopher once said "have another rock n' roll Christmas".

And an old classic joke to finish on:

Darth Vader: "I know what you are getting for Christmas..."

Luke Skywalker: "What is Christmas?"

Vader: "Nevermind that, you're ruining my punchline."

Skywalker: "But seriously, you appear to be referencing a religious tradition from an insignificant planet many millions of light-years away, one of which no one in this series has ever suggested any knowledge of it's existence, why would we be celebrating this event?"

Vader: "Just shut up for a minute and play along with the joke!"

Skywalker: "Okay then..."

Vader: "I know what you are getting for Christmas, Luke..."

Skywalker: (feigning surprise) "What? How could you?"


Vader: "Because like any good parent, I have paid close attention to your hobbies and interests and used this holiday as a time to show my love for you through thoughtful gifts."

Skywalker: "Aaaaaw, I love you dad!"


(title music)

Friday 14 December 2012

Week 18: Preparing for Billy Crystalmas!

Tis the season to be jolly, falalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!  Or so the old song goes, but it's hard to be jolly when The Grambler insists on presenting me with ridiculously inaccurate predictions!  With one game cancelled due to the weather last weekend, only four needed to be accurate.  And the bet was not unreasonable as such.  It was the best chance in months to win a wad of dosh for the Bobby Moore Fund.  But what happened?  A measly ONE out of four results came up, that's what happened!  And it was probably the one in which I had the least confidence... Liverpool winning?  That's just absurd!

This week sees the return of the SUPER MEGA GRAMBLER BONUS BET!!! so we are all but guaranteed a winner.  And to quote famous footballing personality Peter Beardsley, "I trust The Grambler to the extent that I sold my house and all of my possessions so that I could place the proceeds on this bet.  Also, I'm well chuffed with my It's A Wonderful Life tee shirt available now at RedBubble..."

Game 1: Bolton Wanderers vs Charlton Athletic
Prediction: Home win
Bolton have won just one in seven games under Dougie Freedman and a quick return to the Premiership is looking increasingly unlikely.  Currently languishing in 18th place in the Championship, Wanderers also have the worst shots to goals ration in the division.  Charlton are currently three points ahead of their opponents and just four from the play-off spots.  Celebrity fan Charlton Heston said of the away team's fortunes so far this season "I've played three presidents, three saints and two geniuses - and that's probably enough for any man."  Exactly. 
Odds on this result: 10/11

Game 2: Peterhead vs Annan Athletic
Prediction: Away win
Peterhead and Annan inhabit 6th and 7th places in Division Three respectively.  A win for the home side would double the gap between the two but Athletic could draw level on points with a victory.  Celebrity fan Kofi Annan said of the away team's fortunes so far this season "we have the means and the capacity to deal with our problems, if only we can find the political will." Indeed.
Odds on this result: 11/4

Game 3: Celtic vs St Mirren
Prediction: Home win
Celtic are momentarily four points clear of SPL title favourites Motherwell, much to the surprise of the nation.  The home side narrowly defeated Arbroath during the week in order to progress in the Scottish Cup.  Meanwhile, the Buddies find themselves uncomfortably close to the relegation spot in the SPL, but are still six points clear of bottom side Dundee.   
Celebrity fan Helen Mirren said of the away team's fortunes so far this season "flesh sells. People don't want to see pictures of churches. They want to see naked bodies."  Precisely.
Odds on this result: 1/5

Game 4: Norwich City vs Wigan Athletic
Prediction: Draw
Norwich have surprised many this season with some strong performances under Chris Hughton.  The Canaries were victorious in a seven-goal-thriller last weekend at Swansea but fell victim to former boss Paul Lambert's Aston Villa side during the week.Wigan have only won one of their last six games and currently sit in the relegation zone.  Celebrity fan Bradley Wiggins said of the away team's fortunes so far this season "I can’t account for where anyone else is at.  I'm better than I've ever been."  Absolutely.
Odds on this result: 12/5

Game 5: Queens Park vs Elgin City
Prediction: Home win
This game pits 3rd against 2nd in the Third Division and the winner could emerge as the main contenders to Glasgow Franchise Scheme FC for the title.  The home side defeated Annan 3-2 last weekend whilst Elgin were also winners at home to Clyde.  Celebrity fan The Queen said of the home team's fortunes so far this season "the British Constitution has always been puzzling and always will be."  Amen.
Odds on this result: 11/10

There is your main bet for this weekend and with odds of 60/1, we could all be £60-aires by Sunday!  You could be like me and donate said winnings to a good cause.  Or you could use it to kickstart a fund for your very own John Motson monkey. 

Also, seeing as it's nearly Christmas, here is a SUPER MEGA GRAMBLER BONUS BET!!! 

Game;Both teams to score?;Odds
Blackpool vs Blackburn; Yes; 4/7
Dunfermline vs Hamilton; Yes; 4/7
Birmingham vs Crystal Palace; No; 6/5
Oldham vs Swindon; No; 1/1
Dagenham & Redbridge; Yes; 8/13

Only 18/1 on that one, but a nice wee Brucie bonus if it comes off. 

Now go forth, and spread the good word of our almighty Grambler in peace. 

Saturday 8 December 2012

Week 17: Lying next to a wayside for some reason

You may have noticed that this 'ere website has fallen by the wayside a little over the past few weeks.  Two things worth pointing out: 1) I have been rather busy in other aspects of life and have not been able to commit the same amount of time to typing gibberish for the benefit of four or five people who remain loyal Gramblers and; 2) What exactly is a wayside? And how/why does one fall by it?  

A quick look back at last week's result first of all.  I lost.  Only two out of the five correct, which seems to be the standard these days.  I'm starting to think that I'd be as well just making a list of everyone who has ever worked for the BBC and allowing the Grambler to select a handful each week to be outed as sex-offenders.  Think I'd be making more money that way...

Anyhoo, here is this week's bet with very little in the way of commentary.  


Game 1: Sheffield Wednesday vs Bristol City
Prediction: Home win
An early 'relegation battle' with both teams sitting uncomfortably close to the Championship's trapdoor.  A win for either side could take them out of the relegation zone.  Could go either way, really. 
Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 11/10

Game 2: Port Vale vs Chesterfield
Prediction: Home win
Port Vale are flying high in League Two so the home fans will be expecting another victory.  Chesterfield manager Paul Cook hopes that he has the recipe for success so that his side can serve up a win.
Reliability balls: 7/10
Odds on this result: 11/10

Game 3: Southampton vs Reading
Prediction: Draw
Another clash between two sides in the relegation zone, both started the season as contenders for the drop and have failed to disappoint.  Reading won 3-1 at St Mary's back in April but the Saints have been the better side in the Premiership (just).
Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 13/5

Game 4: West Ham vs Liverpool
Prediction: Away win
West Ham have been solid at home this season but Liverpool have been showing signs of improvement in recent weeks.  I wouldn't choose to bet on Liverpool but Jordan Henderson scored a goal on Thursday, so surely anything is possible?
Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 11/8

Game 5: Brechin City vs Ayr United
Prediction: Home win
Match already postponed due to a frozen pitch.  Scottish weather, eh?  
Reliability balls: 0/10
Odds on this result: 11/10

Only four games to get correct for a win this week then.  Is it possible?  Yes.  Will it happen?  Probably not.  Total odds for the five games this week was 78/1 but since that last match has been frozen, we are down to a mere 38/1 by my calculations.  Which may be wrong.

And I am solemnly making the promise that normal service shall resume next week.  I have far too many puns to get out of my system.

Wednesday 28 November 2012

Week 16: Celebrating 100 years of Albanian independence!

From the desk of Tony Fernandes (Chairman), Queens Park Rangers Football Club 
Minutes of interview with applicant for position of manager, Harold Redknapp (excerpt)
Friday, 23rd November 2012


H. Redknapp: "...and it looks like you've got a t'riffic bunch o' lads at the club.  They can play some t'riffic football.  They really are a top, top bunch o' lads."

T. Fernandes: "Great!  I am very excited by the prospect of working with you Harold and would not hesitate to offer you the job.  Do you have any questions first of all?"

H. Redknapp: "Well, there is just one thing...

T. Fernandes: "Yes?"


H. Redknapp: "About my wages..."

T. Fernandes: "Hmmm?"

H. Redknapp: "Could you pay them to my offshore bank account in the Cayman Islands?"

T. Fernandes: "Certainly, that shouldn't be a problem!"

H. Redknapp: "And can you make it payable to my dead dog Mr Scruffles?"

T. Fernandes: "Okay..."

H. Redknapp: "And could you officially unveil a past-the-sell-by-date tin of jellied eels as the manager of the club?  Just for, y'know, tax purposes..."

T. Fernandes: "That's a bit strange but I suppose so..."

H. Redknapp: "Lovely jubbly!"

End of transcription


All of the above definitely happened (unless you happen to be a legal representative of H. Redknapp, in which case it definitely did not happen).

I am a tad short of time this week as I am attending the first Meeting of United Gramblers Associated for Betting Enhancement (MUGABE for short).  Therefore, I shall be providing a short summary of each game whilst applying my learnings from Joey Barton's School of the French Language. 


Game 1: Arsenal vs Swansea City
Prediction: Home win
"Zee Arsenal are... 'owyousay... due grande win.  Swan sea 'ave been très bien this season.  Will be le good game!" 

Reliability onions: 6/10
Odds on this result: 2/5


Game 2: Acrington Stanley vs Oxford United
Prediction: Home win
"Sacre Bleu, ees the FA Cup!  Oxford win 5-0 against Acrington in league, non? La fromage!
"  
Reliability onions: 5/10
Odds on this result: 11/8

Game 3: Stenhousemuir vs Falkirk
Prediction: Away win
"What is zee Stenhousemuir?  Ees eet made of poulet?  Falkirk maybe win thees.  Zut alors!"

Reliability onions: 4/10
Odds on this result: 17/20


Game 4: Lincoln City vs Mansfield Town
Prediction: Draw

"Both teams ees Conference team.  So zee cup ees zee big baguette!  Je suis la football." 
Reliability onions: 6/10
Odds on this result: 12/5


Game 5: Peterborough United vs Blackpool
Prediction: Home win
"Ah oui, zee Blackpool avec zee crappy Eiffel Tower! Le Posh are... 'owyousay... le pish?"
Reliability onions: 4/10
Odds on this result: 19/10


There is yer bet for this week, with additional ridiculing of Joey Barton and potentially mild racism.  Now run to your local bookmakers, run as fast as you can, and place this bet with odds of 60/1.  Tell them that the Grambler sent you and get a free look of confusion.


Monday 26 November 2012

Week 15 Results: With 100% added lost bet!

This week I have learned that 100% more bets is not equal to 100% more wins.  I have also learned that Chelsea fans hold grudges if you belittle their plastic flags and are rather fickle when it comes to the sacking and appointment (and subsequent sacking) of managers.  In order to avoid alienating them thus causing a backlash against The Grambler, I'd better not mention their piss-poor plastic flags and pathetic treatment of Rafa Benitez on his début...

With an accuracy rate of just 40% for both bets, my prophecy of a at least one win this weekend went unfulfilled.  Speaking of prophecies, there are only 25 days to go until the end of the world!  (And I still haven't put up that damned towel-rail...)  This also means that we only have three more sessions of Grambling left to win that vast fortune which was predicted by our forefathers.  Although, we are all going to be dead by Christmas anyway so it doesn't really matter too much.    

Game 1: Brighton & Hove Albion vs Bolton Wanderers
Prediction: Home win 
x )
Just out of interest, is a bright-on what a light bulb gets when it is aroused?  Okay, enough filament related filth... This prediction came oh-so-close to being a reality.  And I would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for that meddling David Ngog!  The Seagulls dominated the first half and could easily have had the points sealed by the break.  In the 14th minute, Craig Mackail-Smith raced into the box and crossed only for the ball to be blocked by the hand of Darren Pratley.  The referee awarded a penalty but Brighton's Ashley Barnes failed to convert, with Bolton's Adam Bogdan making the save.  Did I mention that Bogdan is Ron Weasely?  Because he is.  Andrea Orlandi and Dean Hammond both saw their attempts on goal hit Bogdan's crossbar in the first half and the game remained goalless at the break.  In the second-half, Smith became the third luckless Brighton player to strike the bar but his team soon took the lead; an Orlandi freekick was cleared to the edge of the box where it found Bruno Saltor, who struck the ball into the bottom corner.  Wanderers created few chances but Tomasz Kuszczak had to be alert to save from Jacob Butterfield.  However, it was just not to be Albion's day.  In the sixth minute of stoppage time and with the very last kick of the ball, Ngog struck to claim a point and extend manager Dougie Freedman's (and Bolton's) unbeaten run to five games.


Game 2: Swansea City vs Liverpool
Prediction: Draw 
( ✔ )
Brendan Rodgers's lauded return to Swansea failed to live up to the hype as the match ended in a somewhat drab goalless draw.  The Reds looked to be the better team from the offset and came close to leading when Raheem Sterling's sterling volley struck the crossbar.  Minutes later, Liverpool had the ball in the back of the net via Luis Enrique's back-post shot, but the linesman was having none of it, flagging for offside much to the annoyance of popular Liverpudlian entertainer Cilla Black.  Probably.  Swansea boss Michael Laudrup changed tactics at half-time and introduced Ki Sung-yeung and the gamble appeared to pay-off with City enjoying a strong period after the break.  Cap'n Ashley Williams headed a powerful shot on goal from a corner only to see his former Swansea team-mate Joe Allen clear from the line.  Swansea had the chance to take the lead in the dying moments of the match when Allen brought down Ki on the edge of the box, but Pepe Reina saved a fierce shot from Swans winger and most Spanish sounding Spanish-man in the history of Spanish-men Pablo Hernández Domínguez.  Reports that he was wearing a sombrero and eating paella at the time have yet to be confirmed. 


Game 3: East Fife vs Arbroath
Prediction: Home win 
( ✔ )
Billy Brown watched his East Fife win at home for the first time in a hard-fought win at the New Bayview Stadium.  The match started brightly when Arbroath's player/manager/tea-lady Paul Sheerin hit a long-range effort forcing Fifers keeper Calum Antel into a fine save in just the 2nd minute.  One minute later and the action was at the other end of the pitch, where Scott McBride struck the post with a shot from the edge of the area.  Ten minutes later, East Fife opened the scoring; the lively Bobby Barr crossed from the left-wing for Sean Jamieson to score his first goal of the season.  But the visitors were to pull level close to the break when a Steven Doris shot deflected off his team-mate Paul Currie and into the net.  The Fifers took just two minutes to restore their lead after the interval, via another long-range effort from McBride.  The midfielder tried his luck from 25 yards and was rewarded with a cracking goal.  Currie was to come close to equalising once again but his strike bounced off the crossbar.   Brown said of the match “ni povus estis kvar aŭ kvin ĝis la paŭzo kaj mi estis vere feliĉaj per niaj deziro tie" demonstrating both his pleasure at his sides desire and his fluency in Esperanto.


Game 4: Barnsley vs Cardiff City
Prediction: Draw 
x )
Cardiff moved top of the table following a win at Barnsley coupled with Crystal Palace's defeat in Leeds.  The bluebirds took the lead in the 22nd minute when teenager Ben Nugent marked his first league start with a goal.  Peter Whittingham provided the assist via a corner and the defender headed home.  Stephen Dawson and Marcus Tudgay both squandered chances for the home-side before half-time and six minutes after the break, the visitors doubled their lead.  Aron Gunnarsson found himself unmarked at the back-post and headed in from another Whittingham corner.  The Tykes were given some hope when Jacob Mellis slotted home in the 71st minute and were even presented with a one-man advantage as Cardiff débutant Simon Lappin received a second yellow card.  However, they failed to make the most of their chances and have now taken just two points from their last seven games.  
Oddly enough, this was Cardiff's first victory wearing their traditional blue shirts this season.  Following the furore surrounding the business-minded switch to red in the summer, City have only worn blue as a change strip but amidst poor away form, they had yet to win in their 'old' colours.  So... ahem... Despite their fans originally getting shirty about it, the team have been red-hot in their new colours but have given fans the blues in their traditional strips.  Please hold your applause until the end!  

Game 5: Aston Villa vs Arsenal
Prediction: Home win 
x )
Well this was a bit of a damp squib.  Incidentally, does anyone actually know what a squib is?  According to the Oxford English Dictionary (and by proxy, Susie Dent) a squib is 'a small firework that burns with a hissing sound before exploding.'  You cannot say that The Grambler does not educate!  The only talking point from the first half was Villa's Andreas Weimann having a shot ruled-out for offside.  And in spite of what his name may suggest, Weimann is actually 6ft 2in...  The second half had more action with Aaron Ramsey coming close for the Gunners whilst at the other end Brett Holman forced the constenant-friendly Arsenal keeper Szczesny into a fine save.  The point earned helped to move the Villains out of the relegation zone but for Arsenal, it was a missed chance to overtake fifth-placed Everton.  
Speaking after the match, Arsene Wenger said "we played with three strikers, but that doesn't mean you score goals.  We are a very offensive team."  Meanwhile, Arsenal strikers Santa Cazorla, Lukas Podolski and Olivier Giroud lurked in the background making mildly rude hand gestures and vociferating various synonyms for both male and female genitalia.


And here's how that SUPER MAGNIFICENT BONUS BET went:

Game: Both teams to score?, Odds

Miton Keynes Dons vs Colchester United: Yes, 10/11 
( ✔ )
Brechin City vs Forfar athletic: No, 7/4 
x )
Charlton Athletic vs Huddersfield Town: No, 11/10 
x )
Tottenham Hotspur vs West Ham: No, 11/10 
x )
Everton vs Norwich City: Yes, 4/6 
( ✔ )

Hmm, not too well it would appear.  It was worth a shot.  This segment may return fleetingly where I can be bothered.    

Overall, I shall be marking this week down as 'could try harder.'  Perhaps next time will be the one.  Or the one after that.  Or the one after that.  And then we are all dead.  But it's best not to worry about that for now....

"After all, tomorrow is another day."
- Margaret Mitchell
(or Suggs

Friday 23 November 2012

Week 15: With 100% added bet!

It's been a sacktastic week in football as Roberto Di Matteo pipped Mark Hughes to become the first Premiership P45-recipient of the season.  Steve Rafa Benitez has already taken over at Chelsea in a move that has both SHOCKED and SURPRISED the footballing world.  And ol' stroke-features himself Harry Redknapp the Loveable Tax-Evader looks set to take the job at QPR.  Will these managerial changes make a difference?  Doesn't matter to me, whatever The Grambler says goes around these parts. 
  
I'm warning you now, we have a terrible bet this week.  I normally try to be as optimistic as possible regardless of the outcome, but it seems like The Grambler has just gone out of his/her/its way to be awkward this week and picked a set of results that are just not going to happen.  For that reason, I have provided a bonus bet at the end; one that can't possibly go wrong!  Unless of course it goes wrong...  As it inevitably will...  In which case it can go wrong...

Read on, my good man/woman/person!

Game 1: Brighton & Hove Albion vs Bolton Wanderers
Prediction: Home win

Sports teams are often associated with birds for a reason; they are graceful creatures which soar through the sky freely and can be mastered by no man.  In the world of basketball, you can find the Atlanta Hawks, named for a fierce creature known to tear apart it's prey.  In Rugby Union, the Newcastle Falcons, named for a bird known for its speed and razor-sharp talons.  And then in football, you can find Brighton: The Seagulls, known for being a disease-ridden nuisance that jobby on people's heads from a great height.  It is little surprise that they are not the most feared in the Championship.  But Brighton have been hanging around the top of the division for a number of seasons and currently find themselves 7th.  Some good wins this year have been offset by a few too many draws, but they are only twice defeated at home.  And whilst over-analysing animalistic nicknames, we have Bolton... In the Championship alone, you can find Lions, Wolves and Tigers.  And then you have the mighty... Trotters.  Invoking images of pigs waddling around a sty in their own faeces.  Fearsome!  Since Dougie Freedman's arrival as manager, Bolton have gone unbeaten but have drawn 75% of games under his rule.  There is huge potential for a draw here but I reckon the home-side might just win it.    
Reliability balls: 7/10
Odds on this result: 11/10



Game 2: Swansea City vs Liverpool
Prediction: Draw

From Seagulls to Swans; the swan being a far more graceful bird and City have been one of the most graceful teams to, erm... grace the premiership in recent seasons.  Michael Laudrup's Swansea have carried over their good-form from last year's surprisingly good Premiership début and the team currently sit 10th in the league following a fine 2-1 victory over Newcastle last weekend.  Cap'n Ashley Williams has caused controversy this week with the well timed release of his book (seriously, does every footballer just automatically get a book deal these days?  Does anyone even know who Ashley Williams is?) featuring comments about wanting to 'knock-out' Luis Saurez for his diving.  Please do, Ashley.  Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers was dismissive of these jibes: "He's a good lad. Maybe it was something he didn't mean to get out there."  Yeah, because of course, if you didn't mean to get quotes out there, you would put them in a book...Liverpool will be looking to bounce back from a disappointing midweek draw against a bunch of young boys and could leapfrog their opponents in the Premiership table with a victory.
Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 5/2



Game 3: East Fife vs Arbroath
Prediction: Home win

East Fife have not had the ideal start to the season.  Having been rooted to the bottom of the Second Division since the start of the season, they took just two points from the first eight games and endured a painful 5-1 defeat at Elgin.  Meanwhile, manager Gordon Durie had to take leave due to illness, leaving them manager-less.  Fortunately for East Fife, the appointment of Billy Brown earlier this month has brought some stability to the club and a 3-0 win over Albion Rovers last week has lifted them out of the relegation zone.  Unfortunately for East Fife, Bob Malcolm plays for them.  Arbroath are seven points ahead of their opponents in the league and have been in good form at home, winning four of six.  However, their away form has not been so good, with only one win in six attempts.   Arbroath have not lost a match to the Fifers since March 2010 and the teams have drawn three times in six ties since then.  Also, what do you call a pirates favourite football team?  Arrrrrrrbroath!
Reliability balls:
Odds on this result: 6/4



Game 4: Barnsley vs Cardiff City
Prediction: Draw

Or alternatively, Barrrrrrrrrrnsley!  The Tykes play host to second-placed Cardiff this weekend as they bid to move away from the relegation zone to the comfort of mid-table mediocrity.  Barnsley have played eight home games already this season, winning two, drawing three and losing three.  They have only managed to score six goals in their ties at Oakwell so do not expect a high-scoring game.  Débuts could be offered to their three new loan signings Emile Sinclair, Jonathan Greening and Akos Buzsaky. Cardiff are challenging for the top-spot and the chance to become the second Welsh team in the Premiership.  They currently sit two points from top side Crystal Palace and are looking for a third win in a row.  At home, City have a 100% record, but they appear to be complacent on the road and have amassed five losses away from home.  The Bluebirds (there is a real 'bird' thing going on this week) signed Norwich defender Simon Lappin on loan midweek and he could start tomorrow.  Interesting aside: Lappin takes his name from the French phrase "si mon lapin" translating as "if my rabbit."  Probably. 
Reliability balls: 4/10
Odds on this result: 12/5 



Game 5: Aston Villa vs Arsenal
Prediction: Home win

Struggling Aston Villa take on underachieving Arsenal in a game that the media have dubbed 'the Battle of the Only Two Teams in the Premiership Whose Names Begin With the Letter A.'  Possibly.  Villa currently inhabit a spot in the relegation zone thanks to their faltering start to the season.  They have only won a single game at home this season, against Swansea back in September.  Manager Paul Lambert will be serving a one-match dugout suspension so expect him to be sitting in the stands duetting with some X-Factor reject girl singing this song.  Meanwhile, Arsenal have not been having a bad season but fans will be disappointed to look at the table and see both West Brom and Everton above them.  The Gunners secured passage to the next stage of the Champions League with a 2-0 victory over Montpellier on Wednesday and Arsene Wenger will expect another victory here.  There has also been good news for fans of the Arse' this week as the team agreed a sponsorship deal worth £150 million.  With that kind of money at his disposal, expect Wenger to dig deep in January to unearth the next Carl Jenkinson.
Reliability balls: 3/10
Odds on this result: 4/1


The total odds for this week's Gramblings are 312/1.  Not going to happen, is it?

Hence why I have decided to include the GRAMBLER SUPER BONUS BET!  Last week, I placed a bet for myself using the 'both teams to score' market.  Tis pretty straight forward; the question is will both teams score?  The answer is either YES! (in which case both teams score) or NO! (in which case either one team won't score or both teams won't score).  Anyhow, I won some money on this and thought "hmm, this could be Grambled up a bit!"  As their are two outcomes rather than three, it could provide more chance of winning so it's worth a bash!  Five games, a 50p bet, no jibberish.... And we get:

Game: Both teams to score?, Odds

Miton Keynes Dons vs Colchester United: Yes, 10/11
Brechin City vs Forfar athletic: No, 7/4

Charlton Athletic vs Huddersfield Town: No, 11/10
Tottenham Hotspur vs West Ham: No, 11/10
Everton vs Norwich City: Yes, 4/6


Total odds on the GRAMBLER SUPER BONUS BET are 39/1.

Will the main bet shock us all and come good?  Will the bonus bet be the saviour of The Grambler?  Will Captain  Delbert Gugliuzza be able to disarm the bomb whilst simultaneously evacuating all of the orphans from the building?  Tune in on Monday (or Tuesday) to find out!

Monday 19 November 2012

Week 14 Results: Cím magyarul nincs valódi oka.

Another poor performance from The Grambler as only two out of five predictions came out on top.  However, to focus on the positives, as a result of cutting down the number of games involved, this represented a massive 40% of correct predictions!

Away from the football, there was exciting news today as scientists (or 'boffins' as they prefer to be known) have confirmed that they have been able reverse paralysis in dogs after injecting them with cells grown from the lining of their nose.  However, they have not answered the question which is everyone's lips...

How does it smell?


'Ere is them footballing results:

Game 1: Peterborough United vs Blackburn Rovers
Prediction: Away win 
( ✔ )
A good start as Henning Berg claimed his first win as Blackburn manager with a comfortable 4-1 victory.  And he did not have to wait long for his side to take the lead, just 3 minutes into the match and Argentinian Mauro Formica slotted the ball into the net from a Ruben Rochina lay-off.  But the star of the show was to be Jordan Rhodes, who struck a hat-trick to secure the triumph.  His first came when he headed home from six-yards following a Martin Olsson cross, although it could easily have been recorded as an own-goal having deflected in off the hand of Peterborough defender and poshest man in football Nathaniel Knight-Percival.  Rhodes struck once more before half-time with Rochina providing another assist and the Scotsman finishing confidently.  The Posh put some pressure on their opponents after the break and came close through a Saido Berahino drive but Rovers keeper and Ramsay Street villain Paul Robinson pushed the ball overt the bar.  Rhodes completed his hat-trick in the 79th minute; Peterborough failed to clear a corner and the striker headed home to ensure victory and win a football.  Lee Tomlin grabbed a consolation late-on with a spectacular drive but the Posh faithful were already drowning their sorrows as their team slipped to bottom of the Championship.  
Opening-scorer Formica took to Twitter to assure Rovers fans that this capital triumph was merely a platform from whence his colleagues can raise the team to the loftiest perch in the league.  Although he put it more elegantly; "Good victory, we to continue in this way."

Game 2: Burnley vs Charlton Athletic
Prediction: Home win 
x )
And it was all going so well...  Charlton continued their recent good form with a narrow victory over Burnley, who played 76 minutes with ten men.  Charlie Austin came close to adding to his impressive tally for the season when he headed a Keiran Trippier cross over the bar early on.  But Trippier was only to spend a few minutes longer on the pitch; a goal-mouth scramble at the other end of the pitch ended with the referee ruling that the Clarets defender had handled the ball on the line.  Trippier was off for an early bath/shower/jacuzzi depending on his preferred personal hygiene methods and the Addicks were awarded a spot-kick.  Johnnie Jackson stepped up but keeper Lee Grant did well to turn the shot past the post.  Burnley's ten-men put up a brave fight and even had chances to take the lead, most notably through a 30-yard effort from Brian Stock (a player more famed for being the heir to untold riches as his grandfather was the inventor of the eponymous cube).  The Clarets were however devastated in the 69th minute when a knock-down from Rob Hulse found Danny Haynes who fired past Grant.  The game-changing sending-off was contentious but perhaps it has been summed up best by the Burnley Express: "Referee Robert Madley’s decision to dismiss Kieran Trippier in Burnley’s 1-0 defeat to Charlton Athletic should give Sepp Blatter further food for thought."  It is delightful that someone out there thinks that the tipping-point in favour of video evidence for the most important man in world football has come in the form of a red card at Turf Moor.
                  

Game 3: Queens Park Rangers vs Southampton
Prediction: Draw 
x )
I made a prediction prior to this game that at least one newspaper would go with the 'SACK RACE' headline for this game.  Well, they went one step further and dubbed this game El Sackico.  I think that is worse than anything that has ever been written on this website... And someone was paid for it!  Of course, it is looking increasingly likely that Mark Hughes will be the first Premiership managerial casualty following this result.  Nigel Adkins would have been happy with his sides performance as they rarely looked like losing control of the game.  The visitors opened the scoring on the 23rd minute when Rickie Lambert threw himself at a loose ball to head past QPR keeper Julio Cesar.  Jason Puncheon made it two before half-time via a 25-yard shot.  Rangers were given some hope after the break when Junior Hoillet flicked an Adel Taarabt cross into the net.  But any hope of a comeback was lost 7 minutes from full-time when a low cross into the Rangers' box deflected off defender Anton Ferdinand and past Cesar, who speaking after the game said "I came and I saw but I certainly did not conquer."  He didn't really...  Hughes, however, was full of quotes after the game about 'progress' and 'having the board's confidence' and other things that doomed managers often say.  Also worth noting that at the end of last season after barely surviving relegation, Hughes stated "when I said no team of mine will be in this position again, I meant it. Now we are ready for the next level." Apparently the 'next level' is relegation...

 
Game 4: Forfar Athletic vs Stenhousemuir
Prediction: Draw 
x )
Stenhousemuir staged a good comeback attempt but lost to the odd goal in five in an eventful match at Station Park.  The home-side took a fifth minute lead when Gavin Swankie got a touch on James Craigen's free-kick to put it into the bottom corner.  Swankie then doubled the lead when he knocked Mark McCulloch's cross past Robbie Thomson in the visitors goal.  The Loons would have thought that the points were wrapped up in a neat little package at this point, but the Warriors had other ideas.  Fifteen minutes before the break, Ross McMillan smashed the ball into the net from close range to half the deficit.  This gave Stenhousemuir some hope and they emerged after the break looking for an equaliser.  They were to get it in the 59th minute when Andy Rodgers was brought down in the box to win a penalty.  The striker dusted himself off to score from the spot.  But our collective hopes of a draw were ruined with 15 minutes remaining as Athletic midfielder Kevin Motion found the top right-hand corner from 12 yards out to seal the points and extend the visitors winless run to four games.  
Interesting fact related to this game: Forfar defender Michael Bolochoweckyj's surname is also a semi-onomatopoeic word used to describe a trapped testicle when closing a cupboard door. 

Game 5: Northampton Town vs Wycombe Wanderers
Prediction: Home win 
( ✔ )
Wycombe wandered to the bottom of League Two following defeat at Northampton during a game in which they never really got started.  Town took the lead in this one-sided game after 26 minutes when Adebayo Akinfenwa headed in Chris Hackett's cross.  The score remained the same until half-time but two quick goals around the hour mark all but sealed the points for the home-side.  In the 61st minute, Clive Platt was brought down under a clumsy challenge from Dave Winfield and the referee had no hesitation in pointing to the spot.  Akinfenwa dispatched the spot-kick with ease for his 11th league goal this season.  Four minutes later, the lead was increased yet again courtesy of Hackett who grabbed a goal on the counter-attack as Wanderers searched for a way back into the game.  Joel Grant did eventually grab a consolation for the visitors via a penalty at the other end of the pitch but it could not stop his team leaving the Sixfields Stadium empty-handed.  Although even if they had won, they would have left empty-handed since the FA has stopped presenting league points in a physical format.  Northampton have moved a step closer to the play-off places which will delight the townsfolk almost as much as the massive coup that is getting Denise Welch to turn on the Christmas lights.

I'm going to borrow some of QPR boss (for the moment) Mark Hughes' optimism and say that this week represents progress - after all, if you think back to last week we only had a 28.57142857142857% accuracy rate.  So this is a vast improvement!

Next week's bet shall be as punctual as ever, and will appear on Thursday.  Or Friday.  Or maybe Wednesday...

"No horse can wear two saddles."
- Ancient Chinese Proverb.  

Yeah, just you think about that next time you try to put two saddles on your horse.

Friday 16 November 2012

Week 14: Title changed for legal reasons.

Goalposts!

Some would say that they are integral to the game of football; without goalposts, there are no goals.  Without goals, there is no football.  Without football, there is no Grambler.

So we are in agreement then, goalposts are important?  But here is the thing;  no one has ever said that it is illegal to simply move the goalposts.  It is a metaphor used the world over.  In Italy, they call it "mova da golaposts!"  In Germany, "MOVE ZEE GOALPOSTS!"  In Wales, "move the goalposts, boyo!"  You get the point.


According to The FIFA document Laws of the Game 2012/2013, goalposts must be 7.32 metres apart.  However, it also stated that subject to the agreement of the member association concerned, it is permissible to change the width between the goalposts.  I am evoking this rule and as the leading member association of the Grambler Soccerball Association, I am moving the goalposts!  

Regular readers may have noticed a very slight lull in quality of this site last week.  Until now, I have listed my occupation as Grambling Overlord of the Kingdom of Earth and Her Conquered Universal Empire.  However, I have returned to my other occupation with a more restrained title which I cannot really remember and as a result, I am unable to commit the same effort to proceedings.  However, I have figured that combining the two roles may be easier by simply moving the goalposts (see, I was getting there!) to allow for five games per week rather than seven.  This will result in a more manageable blog and a slightly more realistic chance of winning something.

Is that okay with you?

Game 1: Peterborough United vs Blackburn Rovers
Prediction: Away win
We begin this week with a trip to London Road where second-bottom of the Championship Peterborough take on promotion hopefuls and former Grambler favourites Blackburn.  The Posh are not having a very good season thus far and have taken just twelve points from sixteen games, leaving them just one point ahead of bottom-placed Bristol City.  Last weeks 2-1 loss at home to Crystal Palace was followed by controversy as four players had a big night out in Peterborough resulting in on two of them being cautioned by the police.  Manager Darren Ferguson proved that he is a chip off the old block by subsequently going mental, fining the players involved and then transfer-listing them.  His father is of course Sarah, Duchess of York.  Since their last appearance on these hallowed pages, Blackburn have had a change of manager.  Out went hilariously bad Steve Kean and, following Venky's promises of a 'big-name' replacement, in came Henning Berg, a man who had told a Norwegian television station that "there are no real managers with credibility who would accept a job like that."  Good job of sticking to your ethics there, Henning!  Since his appointment, Rovers have yet to win a game, taking two points from three matches and slipping out of the play-off places.  The two sides have not met in the league since 1974/75 and Peterborough were victors in both matches that season.  Not that actually has any bearing on this match, of course.      
Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 6/5


Game 2: Burnley vs Charlton Athletic
Prediction: Home win
Sticking with the Championship, Burnley are another team currently coming to terms with a managerial change.  Sean Dyche is the man in charge of the Clarets following Eddie Howe's return to Bournemouth and he has overseen two wins in three games, although lost to strugglers Ipswich last weekend.  Following said defeat, Dyche said "it was nip and tuck throughout but, on reflection, I thought we deserved at least a share of the spoils" and probably followed this up by telling reporters that he was 'over the moon' and 'sick as a parrot'.  Charlton have hit their best run of form since promotion from League One last season, with back-to-back victories in there last two matches.  They are also unbeaten in their last five away games.  The Addicks signed Wolves Icelandic midfielder Eggert Jónsson on loan last week and he could be handed his début tomorrow.  Hopefully he doesn't end up with egg on his face... Eggert is known for being hard to beat...  Fingers crossed he doesn't crack under pressure...  He is supposed to be a good poacher...  (to play along at home, think of a terrible egg related pun and insert here.)
Reliability balls: 6/10
Odds on this result: 11/10


Game 3: Queens Park Rangers vs Southampton
Prediction: Draw
I am no soothsayer, but I can predict with a 100% accuracy rate that at least one of the tabloids will feature this game tomorrow under the headline 'SACK RACE.'  It is clever because both managers are potentially close to losing their job and source of income!  And a sack race is also a thing!  It works on so many levels!  It's bottom vs second-bottom in this early relegation battle and, in eleven games, QPR have failed to win a single one.  Mark Hughes has said that his job will be safe regardless of the result before cracking this fantastic joke: "The club has moved forward in a massive way since I came in the door through the work I and my staff have done."  Bwahahahahahaha!  Southampton have managed one solitary win since promotion from the Championship last season when they defeated Aston Villa back in September.  Boss Nigel Adkins is similarly optimistic to Hughes and says "we've already established that we're at the wrong end of the league table."  He is a smart one!  Let's see what else he has to say... "Every game that you look at has three points up for grabs."  Yep that's correct Nige, three points for a win.  Any more words of wisdom?  "It's a tough league that we're in but one we love being in and one we expect to be in for many, many years to come." Uh-huh...
Reliability balls: 7/10
Odds on this result: 13/5


Game 4: Forfar Athletic vs Stenhousemuir
Prediction: Draw
Another close game to call as third placed Forfar go head-to-head with fourth placed Stenhousemuir.  Although both teams have a long-way to go in catching league leaders Queen of the South, they will both be hopeful of remaining in the play-off spots.  Dick Campbell's side go into this match having scraped past non-league Nairn County in a five-goal cup thriller last weekend.  The Loons have lost their last three league matches and Campbell reckons that there is no time like the present to put their bad run to an end.  "There is no time like the present to put that run to an end" said Dick.  Stenhousemuir also came through a cup-replay last week but were comfortable winners as they took on Berwick on Tuesday.  Managed by the legend that is Martyn 'Kaiser' Corrigan, the Warrior's last league match ended in an horrific 7-2 defeat at the hands of Brechin.  They have also already met the Loons on home-turf this season, and on that occasion Stenny were pummelled 4-0.  Could this be a chance for revenge?  Interestingly, this game will be refereed by Barry Cook, who directed Disney's Mulan.
Reliability balls: 5/10
Odds on this result: 13/5


Game 5: Northampton Town vs Wycombe Wanderers
Prediction: Home win
Northampton are currently 12th in League Two but not too far from the play-off places.  They are unbeaten in four league games and were unfortunate to be knocked out of the cup last weekend.  Unfortunately, the Cobblers are in the middle of an injury crisis and have been forced to call upon their youth team to help out.  Sixteen-year-old Ivan Toney became the youngest player ever to feature for the team in last week's defeat to Bradford City. Manager Aidy Boothroyd is wary of overexposing his young players, stating "I'm a big believer in youth but you don't want too many kids."  Try telling that to (insert name of any BBC DJ from the 1970s here.)  Wycombe are currently 'managerless', although caretaker-player/manager Gareth Ainsworth has expressed an interest in taking the job on permanently.  His case will not be helped by Wanderers current position however, above the relegation zone on goal difference alone, his side are on the same points as bottom placed Aldershot.  Ainsworth will be hopeful of a first win in over a month to help his job application.
Reliability balls: 7/10
Odds on this result: 10/11

There you go, the goalposts have been moved, the Grambler has Grambled and the bet has been placed!  This week's odds are a lower but more attainable 114/1.  I am quietly confident that this new format will see us raking in the cash, and remember it is all for a good cause!  You can join the fun by donating directly to the Bobby Moore Fund directly via the Mrs Doyle-esque link on the left of the page. 

And the last thing that I have to say on the subject of goalposts; According to the FIFA document Laws of the Game, Law 1 - the Field of Play, Subsection: Goals


"The goalposts and crossbars MUST be white"

Further proof of the unacceptable levels of racism within the governing body.