Saturday 28 December 2019

Week 21/22 - Gramble out the old


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

 

Did you have a nice Gramblemas? Good. Me? Yes, lovely; thanks for asking.

As usual, I missed most of the decent stuff that got shown on telly over the festive period. I mean, who’s got time to sit and watch television leading up to, and including, Christmas Day? The time the best telly programmes should be put on is not before Christmas, but after it, when we have all got some time to relax. But no; in time-honoured fashion, all the good stuff gets shown when I am in the perfect place to miss it.

Mind you, perhaps the choice of programmes wasn’t so wonderful. As far as the British Broadcorping Casteration is concerned, we are all still living in the 1970s. We were treated to (or had foisted upon us) large helpings of Morecambe and Wise, The Good Life, Porridge (the programme, not the breakfast food), Dad’s Army and The Two Ronnies. Good grief, the 70s ended 40 years ago and we are still being shown this stuff.

There was a huge fuss made by the Beeb that a new episode of Gavin and Stacey had been made. Whoop de f****** doo! A sitcom that first aired on BBC3 (because it wasn’t considered to be worth putting on one of the main channels) getting the star treatment on Christmas day? I suppose the reason it has been raised to such heady heights is thanks to the success of its main star and co-writer, comedian (it says here) James Condom.

But enough of my grumbles about the Beeb Beeb Ceeb scraping the bottom of the barrel for its programmes, I have another observation for you to consider. It concerns the way the makers of entertainments no longer content themselves with making a successful film. If a film is incredibly popular, they continue to cash in on its success by merchandising every conceivable product they can, based on aspects of it. Yes, the makers of Frozen and Frozen 2, I’m talking about you. Every shop and supermarket seems to sell some sort of Frozen-related tat product. Apart from the actual character dolls, it seems that every item of children’s clothing can be had with the characters’ cross-eyed features staring out at you... There’s a thing - Why do Disney’s cgi characters always look cross-eyed? They are. Next time you watch a film, you’ll spot it. Ahem, I digress. If it isn’t clothing, it’s food; usually the unhealthier options. My grand-daughter even received a Frozen night light.

In 2014, the year after the first Frozen film was released, the dolls of the characters ousted Barbie as the top-selling doll in the good ol’ U S of A. It was reported that all Frozen-related merchandise was worth $531 million to Disney that year.

2014 was probably the peak year for sales, but products featuring the characters have always been around since then. Presumably, sales were beginning to flag a bit, so a second film had to be made to prop them up a bit. Obviously, I am just being cynical when I say that. Or am I? Why do the characters in the new film all wear different clothing? Anything to do with all previous dolls suddenly seeming to be out of date? Anything to do with children wanting the most up-to-date figure? Hmm... Who’s being cynical?

Of course, the Americans have always done merchandising on the back of a film’s success really well. Consider Star Wars and all the characters, spacecraft and weaponry that have been marketed over the years. Apparently, all that plastic is worth $5 - 6 billion per year. That’s billions, not millions.

It struck me that us Brits are not nearly as good at cashing in on popular films. Harry Potter has done very well, but it is an American company which made the film (and the money, presumably). I reckon the best example Britain can muster is the merchandise from Aardman creations Wallace and Gromit or Shawn the Sheep.

Our lack of marketing nous really came home to me recently. I went to the toilet [Sorry pardon excuse me? Is this really relevant? - Ed.]. Indeed, it is relevant. Do you remember Raymond Briggs’ The Snowman? You know the one... Walking in the Air... That one. It is a film that is shown every Christmas on British television. What merchandise was generated from that film? Toilet paper. That’s right. Toilet paper. You can wipe your a*** with paper that has The Snowman printed on it.

There are many things that the Brits don’t get right and this is one of them. Bog paper! I ask you!

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or notorius individuals born on the 21st of December? Of course there were; here are some I’ve actually heard of. Jack Russell 1795 (Dog breeder. I wonder what kind of dogs he bred.), Benjamin Disraeli 1804 (The well-known prime minister.), Walter Hagen 1892 (Golfy bloke.), Werner Von Trapp 1915 (Kurt in The Sound of Music.), Kurt Waldheim 1918 (The well-known president and war criminal.), Hanif Mohammad 1934 ( کرکٹر), Lorenzo Bandini 1935 (Pilota da corsa.), Jane Fonda 1937 (The well-known actress and fitness guru.), Frank Zappa 1940 (Musician. Have some cosmik debris. ), Albert Lee 1943 (Musician. Here he attests that he be a (west) country boy he be.), Michael Tilson Thomas 1944 (Composer. Have a bit of cultyer.), Carl Wilson 1946 (A beach boy. Here’s his most famous toon.), Samuel L. Jackson 1948 (Actor.), Steve Perryman 1951 (Footy bloke.), András Schiff 1953 (Conductor and tickler of the ivories. Have some more cultyer.), Betty Wright 1953 (Singer. Here she is cleaning up.), Chris Evert 1954 (Tennisy bloke.), Kiefer William Frederick Dempsey George Rufus Sutherland 1966 (Donald’s lad.) and Tom Sturridge 1985 (Ectaw.).

And now... the 28th of December. Woodrow Wilson 1856 (The well-known president.), Earl Hines 1903 (Bandleader and ivory tickler. Here are some memories of you.), Lew Ayres 1908 (Actor. Starred in the first anti-war film, 1930’s All Quiet on the Western Front.), Billy Williams 1910 (Singer who writes letters to himself.), Roebuck ‘Pops’ Staples 1914 (A Staple singer. Have some gospelly blues down in Mississippi.), Johnny Otis 1921 (Singer/songwriter. Here’s Hand Jive. Best not to ask.), Stan Lee 1922 (Marvel Comics bloke.), Hildegard Knef 1925 (Schauspielerin und Sängerin. Heir ist In dieser Stadt.), Milton Obote 1925 (The well-known president.), Brian Redhead 1929 (Tv journalist... A journalist on tv... not someone who liked to dress as a woman. I'll get me coat.), Roy Hattersley 1932 (Politician.), Nichelle Nicols 1932 (Actress. Uhura in Star Trek.), Maggie Smith 1934 (Ectress.), Ratan Tata 1937 (Industrialist.), Frank McLintock 1939 (Footy bloke.), Intikhab Alam 1941 ( کرکٹر), Chas Hodges 1943 (Bloke who had a sing song while sitting at the Joanna. Have a clip.  Rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit etc.), Max Hastings 1945 (Journalist.), Hubert Green 1946 (Golfy bloke.), Edgar Winter 1946 (Musician. Johnny’s wee brother. Here’s a monster... It’s Frankenstein.), Alex Chilton 1950 (A box top. Here’s another letter.), Clifford Cocks 1950 (Stop sniggering at the back... He’s a mathemetician.), Richard Clayderman 1953 (Chatouiller d’ivoire. Voici un morceau... Ballade Pour Adeline.), Denzel Washington 1954 (Actor.), Stephen Frost 1955 (Comedian.), Nigel Kennedy 1956 (Fiddler. Here’s Gypsy Chardash.), Terry Butcher 1958 (Footy bloke. Ex-Motherwell manager.), Sean Casey 1967 (Storm chaser.), Linus Torvalds 1969 (Computer programmer. Developed Linux.), Anita Doth 1971 (Half of 2 Unlimited.  Get ready...), John Stephens aka John Legend 1978 (Musician. Here’s his first big ’it, Ordinary People.), James Blake 1979 (Tennisy bloke.), Lomana LuaLua 1980 (Mec de football.), Sienna Miller 1981 (Actress.), Frank Turner 1981 (Musician. Time to recover.), Tom Huddlestone 1986 (Footy bloke.) and Adam Peaty 1994 (Swimmy bloke.).
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

 

Dear Mr. Bamboo,

I am so pleased that you gave us a link to a John Legend song. He really is my favourite singer. The one you chose did reasonably well in the charts reaching number four. However, he had another song which got to number two, but I can’t remember which one. Can you help?

Yours affectionately,


 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did our little bet go last time? It won. Sort of. 60 pees back from our £2.20 stake isn’t particulary good, is it. What happened? Read on.

 

 

AFC Wimbledon vs Doncaster - Prediction Away win

Result - Wimbledon 2 Doncaster 1

Boo!

Marcus Forss was the hero for AFC Wimbledon, scoring one and making the other as they came from behind to beat Doncaster 2-1 at Kingsmeadow.

The visitors started the game on the front foot and after Rakish Bingham's shot was shovelled behind by Dons goalkeeper Nathan Trott, Kwame Thomas was on hand to head home Reece James' inviting delivery after 12 minutes.

Darren Moore's men probably felt they should have led more comfortably at the break, and Forss made them pay after 56 minutes when he slammed home a penalty to take his League One goals tally this season into double figures after Donervon Daniels mistimed his sliding tackle on the Finnish youth international.

Both sides were going for all three points, and Forss was again the inspiration with 20 minutes left as he chased down a long ball over the top of the Doncaster backline before feeding the onrushing Callum Reilly, who slotted past Seny Dieng for his first league strike since joining the club in the summer.

There was still time for Jon Taylor to cushion a shot wide after James' cutback, but the hosts held on.

 

MK Dons vs Oxford Utd. - Prediction Away win

Result - MK Dons 1 Oxford Utd. 0

Boo!

Joe Mason scored his third goal of the season as MK Dons ended their 12-game winless league run with a 1-0 victory over Oxford United.

Defeat for Karl Robinson's injury-hit side put an end to the visitors' own 11-match unbeaten streak in League One.

Russell Martin's men looked dominant and took a deserved lead after 59 minutes when Mason cleverly evaded a number of defensive lunges inside the box, before his emphatic right-footed strike flew past U's keeper Jordan Archer.

Oxford reacted with a change of formation and it nearly paid off after 76 minutes when Shandon Baptiste's strike from the edge of the MK box forced defender Regan Poole into a last-ditch block.

Alex Gilbey should have doubled MK's lead nine minutes from time when he ran through on goal, only to fire his right-footed shot well wide with only Archer left to beat.

Despite a spirited Oxford resurgence, the hosts stood firm to see out victory and inflict defeat on former MK boss Robinson - denting United's play-off push in the process.

 

Arbroath vs Dundee Utd. - Prediction Away win

Result - Arbroath 0 Dundee Utd. 1

Yay!

Dundee United moved 13 points clear at the top of the Scottish Championship thanks to Sam Stanton's early strike away to Arbroath.

The midfielder fired home from 20 yards to give Robbie Neilson's an ideal start after six minutes at Gayfield.

United goalkeeper Benjamin Siegrist denied Bobby Linn and Ricky Little as the hosts threatened an equaliser.

Home goalkeeper Derek Gaston pulled down Nicky Clark but saved the striker's penalty.

With 10 minutes remaining, Linn delivered a wicked low cross, but Luke Donnelly could not connect two yards from goal as United took three points while second-top Inverness Caledonian Thistle lost 3-1 away to Partick Thistle.

 

Stranraer vs East Fife - Prediction Away win

Result - Stranraer 0 East Fife 2

Yay!

No match report. Boo!

Brechin vs Cowdenbeath - Prediction Away win

Result - Brechin City 2 Cowdenbeath 1

Boo!

No match report for this one either. Double boo!

 

So there you have it; two out of three correct. The Grambler is going to have to his/her/its socks up. [Er... it’s a random number generator; it doesn’t wear socks. - Ed.] Blibbing pedant... Let’s see this week’s selections. As there are more matches taking place on Sunday 29th of December than the Saturday, these are the matches from which the following five have been selected.

Game - Result - Odds

Birmingham vs Leeds - Prediction Away win - 4/6

Bristol City vs Luton - Prediction Home win - 4/6

Nottingham F vs Wigan - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Preston NE vs Reading - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Swansea vs Barnsley - Prediction Home win - 10/11

 

Hmm... The Grambler has made all the selections from the English Championship. We may not win any dosh, but there is one thing we can be certain of... at least there will be five match reports.

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Predictions (Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!), the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping....

 

£10.04

On a whoppingness scale of one to ten, that barely musters a one.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last time I asked you which ex-Premier League player scored with his very first touch of his senior career. The answer was Louis Saha. On his debut for Metz he was brought as sub in the 90th minute and did nothing other than tap in for a goal. Yay!

Here’s a cracker for this week [A Christmas cracker. Ha! - Ed.]. As I was saying... This week’s teaser concerns an unusual use for a football stadium. During WWII many football stadiums were given over to greyhound racing. Stirling Albion’s ground at the time, Forthbank, was used in this way, but what other animal was also raced at the stadium? Hmm... that’s a toughie...

 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, also take the time to click on this link, an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).  The total quoted is out of date; the amount raised for the Bobby Moore Fund is now over £53,000.  If you want to donate, simply go to the Justgiving page and follow the instructions.  You can donate as little as £2.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. G. Harrison who provides our finishing item. As always at this time of year the airwaves/broadband are awash with Christmas songs. Maria Carey is currently number 2 in the Yuk charts with her own Christmas classic, All I Want for Christmas is You, a song which first charted 25 years ago. Wham sit at number 3 with Last Christmas (35 years old), pop pickers and at number 4 it’s the dirgiest of modern Crimbo songs Fairytale of New York (32) by the Pogues and Kirsty McColl. Not arf. Very rarely does anyone come up with a song for the New Year.

Incidentally, it has often intrigued me that here, in Scotland, New Year used to be the time for a celebration whereas Christmas was a fairly low-key affair. Some have suggested that this suggests that Scottish people were not as religious as other folk by almost ignoring Christmas. In fact, the opposite is true. Scots always acknowledged the birth of Christ, but chose to observe it for its significance as a religious festival rather than a time to party. They reserved the partying for the following week and , boy, they knew how to party.

Any road up, where is all this leading? Well, apart from Auld Lang Syne, there aren’t many songs associated with New Year. George Harrison obviously thought the same and he tried to remedy this by producing his own song for the occasion. So, here (Probably not for the first time in this esteemed blog... nor the last, I'll wager.) all the way from the 1970s is Ding Dong, Ding Dong (Apologies for the video quality.).  Happy New Year.
 
Thanks to B3ta.com
 

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday 14 December 2019

Week 19/20 - The Grambler goes to court


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

The law is an ass. So said Charles Dickens character Mr Bumble, the workhouse beadle in Oliver Twist. He should have added that it was also incredibly expensive and wasteful of time. Why do I mention this? Recently, yours truly was called up for jury duty. It had to happen eventually I suppose; I have been lucky to avoid the call up (or is that conscription?) until now.  Expensive? Indeed.

Here is how it works. 140 people receive a citation to appear in court at 10am on a Monday morning. From this number, 15 jurors are selected. The rest are told to go home but come back the next day. It so happened that the week I attended, the case that was being heard on the Monday collapsed without a decision. So, on Tuesday the same 140 were there again and another 15 were going to be selected.

The way the selection is carried out is quite odd. A goldfish bowl is produced with all 140 names in it and the 15 unlucky ones are fished out (Do you see what I did there?). It's a bit like a game of bingo, except you don't shout house when your number is called, you simply mutter b*gg*r under your breath.

This same process continues all week and if you are fortunate enough to avoid selection, your stint as potential juror is finished; a different 140 will continue the process the next week.

I was unlucky. My name was plucked out of the bowl on Tuesday. Wasteful of time? I told you that we had to be at court for 10am; the selection of the jury takes well over an hour. And by the time the jury is sworn in [What, like, Come in you f*ck*ng tw*ts? - Ed.] Ahem... The time is approaching midday. There seems to be time for just a couple of introductory speeches and it’s time to adjourn for lunch.

Another thing really bothered me about the selection process. Now, every potential juror has a number; they could simply have called that out. But no, your name is called out and if anyone connected with the accused was so-minded, they could find out all about you if you are involved with social media. Indeed, while your name is being called out, the accused is already sitting in the dock... making mental notes probably.

Any road up, after lunch there might be half an hour or so of evidence being given when the sheriff (judge) suggests that the jurors might want a ‘comfort break’ for ten minutes. Ten minutes?  Hah!  Three quarters of an hour later we re-enter the courtroom only for one of the barristers [You get coffee too! - Ed.] Ahem... to ask the sheriff for an adjournment due to some legal point. All the jurors have to leave the courtroom again. Half an hour later we might get called back in, just in time for court to be adjourned again because it is nearly 4 o'clock.

This sort of thing went on all week. It took four days for a fairly straightforward trial to be completed. If more than a couple of hours of each day had been given over to actual court time, it could have finished a lot earlier, I am sure.

Of course I understand that there is a lot more to any case than actual courtroom time but, to me, it all seemed there was a lot of time wasted.

One thing that I did realise from the whole experience was that tv courtroom dramas are totally inaccurate. I can't remember ever seeing a television courtroom having jurors being selected as if a raffle was being drawn. I don't recall any times when Judge John Deed asks a jury to leave the courtroom while a legal point is discussed. I don't recall any comfort breaks on Rumpole of the Bailey.

I think it proves that accuracy does not necessarily make good tv.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or notorius individuals born on the 7th of December? Of course there were; here are some I’ve actually heard of. Columba 521 (The well-known saint.), Clarence Nash 1904 (Voice of Donald Duck.), Gerard Kuiper 1905 (Astronomer with a belt.), Louis Prima 1910 (Musician/actor. King Louie in The Jungle Book. Want a clip. No oobydoos on this one; here is Buona Sera.), Eli Wallach 1915 (Calvera in The Magnificent Seven.), Ted Knight 1923 (Actor.), Noam Chomsky 1928 (‘The father of modern linguistics’.), Ellen Burstyn 1932 (Actress who always needs to go to the loo.), Stan Boardman 1937 (Comedian, it says here.), Harry Chapin 1942 (Musician. Here’s his biggest, though most mawkish, hit.), Tom Waits 1949 (Singer, it says here. I suppose you’ll want a clip. Here’s his biggest hit - it reached number 50 in France - Bad As Me. You said it, mate.), Anna Soubry 1956 (Politician.), Tim Butler 1958 (Another Psychedelic Fur. Here’s Pretty in Pink.), Saleem Yousuf 1959 (کرکٹر.), Craig Scanlon 1960 (A bit of The Fall. Here’s How I Wrote Elastic Man.), Theo Snelders 1963 (Doelverdediger.), Hermann Maier 1972 (Skifahrer.), Nicole Appleton 1974 (An All Saint. Have a clip. Anyone fancy a coffee? ), Dominic Howard 1977 (Drummy bloke with Muse. How are you feeling? Good?), John Terry 1980 (Footy bloke.), Nicholas Hoult 1989 (Actor.) and David Goffin 1990 (Mec de tennis.).

And now... the 14th of December. George VI 1895 (The well-known king.), Spike Jones 1911 (Singer and bandleader. Have a clip. This is from the 1944 film Ladies Man.), Dan Dailey 1915 (Song and dance man. Howzabout a clip? All together now... Pardon me boys...), Raj Kapoor 1924 (Film maker.), Charlie Rich 1932 (Curntry and wyastern sanger. Here’s his biggest hit. All together now... Hey, did you happen to see...), Lee Remick 1935 (Actress.), Jane Birkin 1946 (Actress and singer, it says here. Have a clip. Banned by the Beeb Beeb Ceeb, I think we know why.), Peter Lorimer 1946 (Fitballer.), Stan Smith 1946 (Tennisy bloke.), Vijay Amritraj 1953 (Tenis khilaadee.), Linda Fabiani 1956 (Politician; represents Polomint City.), Mike Scott 1958 (A Waterboy. Have a clip. All together now... I pictured a rainbow... I love that toon.), Chris Waddle 1960 (Foo’y blurk, like. Made a couple of records with Glenn Hoddle. Here is the prophetic [Did you say pathetic? - Ed.] It’s Goodbye), Arthur Numan 1969 (Voetbal kerel.), Beth Orton 1970 (Musician. Here she is crying your name.), Miranda Hart 1972 (Comedian, it says here.), Tomasz Radzinski 1973 (Piłkarz.) and Michael Owen 1979 (Footy bloke.).

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

 

Dear Mr. Ambla,

We are fans of The Waterboys and really pleased that you gave us a link to their biggest hit. I wonder if you could see your way clear to giving us another clip; maybe a love song even.

Yours hopefully,


 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did our little bet go last time? It won. Yay! Yes, we actually made a real profit. Honest. Nae kidding. £3.28 back from our £2.20 stake. Yay indeed. What happened? Read on.

 

Macclesfield vs Bradford - Prediction Away win

Result - Macclesfield 1 Bradford 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

James Vaughan was Bradford's hero as his header rescued a point at Macclesfield, who finished with 10 men.

The striker put a shocking first-half miss behind him to score with little more than 15 minutes to play.

Macclesfield took a first-half lead through Jak McCourt's penalty and looked like seeing out victory before Vaughan finally showed his class with a fine finish.

The opening goal came just after the half-hour mark.

Corey O'Keeffe charged into the Bradford box and was sent tumbling by Ben Richards-Everton. After referee Scott Oldham had pointed to the spot, McCourt sent keeper Richard O'Donnell the wrong way with the penalty.

Bradford should have been a goal up before that but the unmarked Vaughan somehow put his finish wide in a real howler from six yards.

In the second half it was the hosts who went closer to notching another with set-pieces seeing Fraser Horsfall and Fiacre Kelleher go close with headers.

But after Macclesfield failed to see off the visitors, Vaughan struck, glancing in Harry Pritchard's wicked free-kick.

And though Bradford smelled blood late on with Connor Kirby dismissed for a second yellow card, they could not find a second goal and had to settle for a point.

 

Alloa vs Inverness - Prediction Away win

Result - Alloa 0 Inverness 2

Yay!

Inverness Caledonian Thistle beat a spirited 10-man Alloa Athletic in this encounter.

A mix-up in the home defence culminated in Scott Taggart diverting beyond his own goalkeeper Jamie MacDonald.

Aaron Doran thumped home Jordan White's cross to make it 2-0 at half-time.

Alloa's Liam Dick was sent off for a heavy tackle on James Keatings

 

Morton vs Dundee Utd. - Prediction Away win

Result - Morton 1 Dundee Utd. 2

Yay!

Louis Appere and Lawrence Shankland both finished smartly from 10 yards in the first half - the latter after ex-Motherwell man John Sutton's scrambled leveller.

It was the first United had conceded to an opposition player since mid-October.

But Morton could not fashion a second, despite repeatedly troubling United from-set plays.

 

Montrose vs Raith - Prediction Away win

Result - Montrose 0 Raith Rovers 1

Yay!

No Match report. Boo.

Brechin vs Stenhousemuir - Prediction Away win

Result - Brechin 1 Stenhousemuir 2

Yay!

No match report. Boo.

 

What has the great and powerful Grambler predicted for us this week?

Game - Result - Odds

AFC Wimbledon vs Doncaster - Prediction Away win - 19/20

MK Dons vs Oxford Utd. - Prediction Away win - 19/20

Arbroath vs Dundee Utd. - Prediction Away win - 8/13

Stranraer vs East Fife - Prediction Away win - 5/6

Brechin vs Cowdenbeath - Prediction Away win - 10/11

 

Uh oh, The Grambler’s picked all away wins... Again. It worked last time; don’t think it’ll happen twice.

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Predictions (Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!), the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping....

 

£ 1 1 . 1 4

How very unwhopping.

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last time I asked you who was the first reigning monarch to attend an F.A. Cup Final. The answer is, that well-known king, George V in 1914. Burnley beat Liverpool 1 - 0 watched by a crowd of over 72,000.

One for this week? Which ex-Premier League player scored with his very first touch of his senior career? Nice one to discuss int pub.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Please, also take the time to click on this link, an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. C. Nash who is heard but not seen in this week’s finishing clip. This short animated film, which Disney termed a ‘Silly Symphony’ (which led to rival animation studios coming up with ‘Merry Melodies’ and ‘Loony Tunes’), was the first time the public got to see and hear Donald Duck. So, sit back and enjoy a rather different-looking duck to the one we know so well... obviously, even ducks change a bit in 85 years. Here’s The Wise Little Hen.

 
Donald Duck before the nose job


That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com
 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday 29 November 2019

Weeks 16 to 18 - The Grambler brushes his/her/its teeth


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 
A tube of toothpaste


Interesting picture to start this week's (g)ramble don't you think? No? Well, it interested me. At least, the reference to baking soda caught my eye. Why? Because it is the only mention of baking soda on the tube. Obviously, we, the gullible public, are meant to assume that this tube of ordinary toothpaste contains this useful ingredient. But does it? Nowhere does it tell you that there is actually any of the stuff in the tube. It simply points out that baking soda is useful for whitening teeth. Good. I'm pleased about that. But why are they telling us this? I even checked the list of ingredients. No. Nothing there. If that is the case, and baking soda is indeed useful for whitening teeth, why are we buying this toothpaste at all? Baking soda would appear to be better according to the maker of this product.
Worse is another tube of what I assumed to be the same toothpaste. But it isn't. Oh no. Maximum cavity protection it proudly announces. Wow! That's quite a claim. Then they go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like [I love you? - Ed.] Ahem... something stupid like liquid calcium. Really? Doubt it very much. The melting point of calcium is 842° centigrade. Very unlikely that you would brush your teeth with something that hot.
It is just so typical of products like these. All toothpastes are, basically, the same thing: a paste or gel to clean teeth. Each probably does as good a job of it as the next. Getting the brushing action right is more important than the choice of paste. So, to make a particular product stand out, manufacturers have to come up with something special. Toothpaste with stripes anybody? Wow, that's clever. I'll have some of that, says the average punter. Hang on, say the makers of non stripey toothpaste, how do we compete with that? I know, let's make some really wild claims about how brilliant our product is.

However, there are organisations called advertising standards agencies which won't allow businesses to make wild, unsubstantiated (That's a good word. Must look it up) claims. Our toothpaste maker will have to tread carefully to avoid incurring their wrath.
This is why these silly non-committal statements are stuck on the side of toothpaste tubes. If anybody should complain that the baking soda in their toothpaste isn't making a blind bit of difference to their gnashers, the maker can simply ask, 'What baking soda? We never said it contained baking soda.' And they would be in the clear.
Similarly, the liquid calcium statement can be quickly dismissed. Nowhere is there any suggestion that the tube contains liquid calcium. There are simply two words placed side by side - liquid and calcium. They are meaningless. There is absolutely no possibility that this toothpaste could contain such a thing.
The example I have shown is an actual tube I have bought, as is the liquid calcium one. Apart from those words on the side of the packaging, they are identical. I decided that if two seemingly identical tubes could have two completely different 'odd' statements, perhaps there were others out there. And there are. Oh yes. Here are some belters...
Calci-lock? What the fu... what does that mean?
With Mini Bright Strips? Ditto.
Family Action? Sorry pardon excuse me? That sounds very suspect.
Baking Soda and Peroxide? Peroxide? Bleach? In toothpaste? I hope not.
Icy Blast Whitening? Again... What?
Plus Shine? Same.
Expert White? Uh huh.
The craziest aspect of all these silly statements, many of which are trademarks incidentally, is that they are all on the various products of just one company. The products... plural... are all toothpaste... singular. It would not surprise me in the least if it were proved that these tubes all contain identical paste. How would the company explain that one? Mark my words; it could happen. It could blow up into a real scandal. And you know what that means, don’t you? Yes, sticking a word on the end of whatever the scandal is about. You know what I mean. You do. Watch out for Colgate-gate.

 

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Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or notorius individuals born on the 16th of November? Of course there were; here are some I’ve actually heard of. Tiberius 42BC (The well-known emperor.), W.C. Handy 1873 (Trumpeter and composer. Called himself the Father of the Blues [What? Chelsea? - Ed.] Ahem. Have a clip.  Here's St. Louis Blues.), Tazio Nuvolari 1892 (Pilota da corsa.), Paul Hindemith 1895 (Violinist, composer and conductor. Have a clip. Fast and gay, apparently.), Oswald Mosley 1896 (The well-known fascist b*st*rd.), Eddie Condon 1905 (Geetarist. Have a clip. ), Burgess Meredith 1907 (Actor. The Penguin, that was him.), Eddie Chapman 1914 (The well-known spy. Agent Zigzag.), Daws Butler 1916 (Voice actor who was smarter than the average bear... That’s a clue to his most famous character.), Clu Gulager 1928 (Actor.), Michael Billington 1939 (Theatre critic.), Gerry Marshall 1941 (Racey car bloke.), Willie Carson 1942 (Little tiny jockey bloke.), Griff Rhys Jones 1953 (Comedian.), Frank Bruno 1961 (Boxy bloke know what I mean, Harry.), Gary ‘Mani’ Mounfield 1962 (A Stone Rose and a bit of Primal Scream. Have a clip. Let's move on up.), Alexander Popov 1971 (пловец.), Waqar Younis 1971 (کرکٹر.), Paul Scholes 1974 (Footy bloke.) and Gary Naysmith 1978 (Footy bloke.).
 
And now... the 23rd of November. Manuel de Falla 1876 (Composer. Have a clip ), William Pratt 1887 (Who? Actor better known as Boris Karloff.), Arthur Marx 1888 (Who? Comedian and musician better known as Harpo Marx.), Romain de Tirtoff 1892 (Who? Artist better known as Erté), Nigel Tranter 1909 (Author.), Michael Gough 1916 (Actor.), Johnny Mandel 1925 (Composer. Have a clip. You'll recognise this.), John Cole 1927 (Journalist with very Northern-Irish accent... He often reported from the Argentine capital ‘Burnis Airs’.), Lew Hoad 1934 (Tennisy bloke.), Betty Everett 1939 (Singer and pianist. Have a clip.), Alan Mullery 1941 (Footy bloke. [Mullery? A bit like muller. - Ed.]), Francesco Sparanero 1941 (Actor better known as Franco Nero.), Sue Nicholls 1943 (Ectress. Audrey Roberts in Corry. She had a hit record once, you know.  Have a listen.), Tony Pond 1945 (Racey car bloke.), Diana Quick 1946 (Ectress.), Frank Worthington 1948 (Footy bloke.), Sandra Stephens 1949 (A bit of Brotherhood of Man.), Bruce Hornsby 1954 (Musician famous for his Range. Have a clip.), Shane Gould 1956 (Swimmy bloke.), Maxwell Caulfield 1959 (Actor. Factoid: He once worked as an exotic dancer at the Windmill Theatre... acording to Wikipedia.), Merv Hughes 1961 (Crickety bloke.), Kevin Gallacher 1966 (Footy bloke.), Zoe Ball 1970 (Presenter.), Kelly Brook 1979 (Clothes horse. [Kelly? A bit like kell. - Ed.]), Kevin Clancy 1983 (Footy ref. Clancy? A bit like clance. - Ed.]) and Miley Cyrus 1992 (Singer. [Miley? A bit like mile. - Ed.] Will you give over! Have a clip. She can't stop, apparently. ).
 
And let’s not forget the 30th of November. Jonathan Swift 1667 (Satirist and essayist. Aka Dean Swift.), Samuel Langhorne Clemens 1835 (Better known as author Mark Twain.), Winston Churchill 1874 (Famous chap.), Efrem Zimbalist Jr 1918 (Actor.), Virginia Mayo 1920 (Salad dressing.), Allan Sherman 1924 (Comedian famous for humorous tunes. Remember this one? Hello muddah...), Richard Crenna 1926 (Actor.), Robert Guillaume 1927 (Actor. Voiced Rafiki in The Lion King.), Frank Ifield 1937 (Singer. Remember him?  He remembers you.), Ridley Scott 1937 (Drunken Glaswegian.), George Graham 1944 (Footy bloke.), Roger Glover 1945 (Led Zep Bassist. Have a clip. Don't have nightmares. ), David Mamet 1947 (Playwright.), Mandy Patinkin 1952 (Actor.), June Pointer 1953 (A sister. Another clip? This’ll get you excited. She's excited, anyway.), Kevin Conroy 1955 (Voice actor. Batman in the animated series.), Andy Gray 1955 (sexist footy bloke.), Billy Idol 1955 (Sneering singer. Have another clip. Nice day for it.), John Ashton 1957 (A Psychedelic Fur. Here’s Heartbreak Beat.), Richard Barbieri 1957 (A bit of Japan and Porcupine Tree. Here’s Canton.), Lorraine Kelly 1959 (TV presenter.), Gary Lineker 1960 (Crisp mongering footy bloke.), Ben Stiller 1965 (Comedian, it says here.), John Bishop 1966 (Comedian, it says here.), Desiree Weekes aka Des’ree 1968 (Singer. You want another clip? Aye, go on then. Here’s Life.), Phil Babb 1970 (Footy bloke.), Abel Xavier 1972 (jogador de futebol com cabelo incomum.), Alan Hutton 1984 (Footy bloke.) and Dougie Poynter 1987 (McFly guy. Here is the group’s best-selling toon. This is all about you... and a few celebs.).
 
 
 
 
 
I’ve received a letter...
 
Dear Mr. Congler,
We are fans of Miley Cyrus and have followed her progress since her first hits back in 2007. 12 years on, she is still having hits. Her last hit, sung with Ariana Grande and Lana Del Ray, was the theme song from Charlie’s Angels, but neither of us can remember the title; can you help?
Yours twerkingly,
Don Colmie, N. Jell.
 

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Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did our little bet go last time? It won. Yay! Well, we won a bit. Not in profit, though. £2.06 from our £2.20 bet. Rubbish or what. What happened? Read on.
 
 
Ross County vs Aberdeen - Prediction Away win
Result - Ross County 1 Aberdeen 3
Yay!
Josh Mullin had scored an early penalty for Ross County.
But Niall McGinn and Ryan Hedges both netted free-kicks, before Andrew Considine scored a fine third goal from the edge of the box.
 
Alloa vs Dunfermline - Prediction Away win
Result - Alloa 2 Dunfermline 1
Boo!
Both teams scored from penalties in the first half; Alan Trouten for Alloa, while Kevin Nisbet equalised for Dunfermline.
Lee Ashcroft headed against the bar but instead it was Alloa who re-took the lead when Kevin Cawley headed in Iain Flannigan's cross at the far post.
Greg Kiltie shot over for Dunfermline, and Cawley's shot cleared the crossbar as Alloa missed a late chance.
 
 
Partick vs Morton - Prediction Home win
Result - Partick 2 Morton 1
Yay!
Substitute Shea Gordon scored twice for 10-man Partick Thistle as they beat Morton.
The midfielder had only been on the pitch 30 seconds when he struck low into the corner.
The lead lasted two minutes as Jack Baird levelled, but Gordon slid in the winner five minutes later.
 
Montrose vs Forfar - Prediction Home win
Result - Montrose 3 Forfar 0
Yay!
No match report. Boo.
Edinburgh City vs Elgin - Prediction Home win
Result - Edinburgh 1 Elgin 1
Ooh! ’It the bar!
No match report. Boo.
 
Well, we’ve missed a few weeks of relying on The Grambler’s predictions. Let’s see what he/she/it has to offer this week...
Game - Result - Odds
Macclesfield vs Bradford - Prediction Away win - 10/11
Alloa vs Inverness - Prediction Away win - 8/11
Morton vs Dundee Utd. - Prediction Away win - 11/20
Montrose vs Raith - Prediction Away win - 19/20
Brechin vs Stenhousemuir - Prediction Away win - Evens
 
Uh oh, The Grambler’s picked all away wins... This could end in tears.
The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Predictions, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping....

 

£10.64

Particularly unwhopping.
 
 

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Teaser time. Yay! Last time I asked you which footballer first gained media attention when his youth team won a game 23-0; a game in which he scored every single goal. It was Ronaldo de Assis Moreira, better known as Ronaldinho. Admittedly, he was only 13 when he achieved his feat. Not a bad way to get noticed, though.
 
One for this week? It’s a question relating to the F.A. Cup and royalty. Who was the first reigning monarch to attend an F.A. Cup Final?

 

 

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As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign
 
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Please, also take the time to click on this link, an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

 

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And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, it has been a sad week as the entertainment world lost two of its cleverest and wittiest TV people.
 
Doctor Jonathan Miller has been called a polymath. His career spanned comedy, art, medicine, directing both plays and opera... His talents seemed endless. He was the sort of person I could have enjoyed listening to no matter what topic he was talking about. Others were not so kind and saw him as something of a know-all. I recall a comedy panel show on which a comedian was asked what Jonathan Miller would never, ever say and he came up with ‘I couldn’t possibly comment; it’s a topic about which I know very little.’ Ouch. 
 
Clive James was one of my favourite TV folk. His programmes were always watchable. I first took notice when he took over the ITV programme called Cinema. His predecessors had been informative but humourless. He added humour to the programme in spades. I think I tried to watch everything he subsequently made.
 
Perhaps this isn’t the best recognition of the genius of these two TV giants, but I thought it apt as here is Clive James interviewing Jonathan Miller on Saturday Night Clive.
 
 
That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler (almost) every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com
 
Happy grambling.