Saturday, 9 November 2019

Week 15 - Cup of coffee, Grambler?


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 
Before I begin this week's (g)ramble, please remember that this is not a serious blog, giving factual information that you should consider acting upon.  So, if you are given any advice which is... let's say... a bit on the dodgy side, just ignore it.  Okay?  Good.  Now I've got that out of the way...
 
I shouldn't really tell you about this, and I definitely wouldn't try it, but it is possible to go into a certain public house/restaurant which is part of a large chain whose name I would rather not say... Let's call it Weather-forks... and obtain a cup of tea or coffee without paying for it. How so, I hear you ask. Pull up a chair and I'll tell ee...

If you go into one of these establishments and ask for a cup of tea or coffee, you pay your money over and are given an empty mug so that you can get your own drink. They also welcome you going back for a second cup, if you wish. [Ah, I see; a free cuppa. - Ed.] True; but it is actually possible to avoid even paying for that first cup.

For this scam... and it is a scam... to work, go into the pub when it is busy and the staff are too busy to clear the tables... It happens a lot. There are bound to be used mugs on some tables. Simply lift one, take it to the loo to give it a good wash and then help yourself to a coffee. Or why not avoid using a cup already contaminated by someone else and simply bring your own?

[That is theft! I cannot believe you are giving tips on how to steal. Shocked, I am. - Ed.]

Actually, I wouldn't ever do such a thing. It is just an observation I have made while I am here in a pretty crowded Weather-forks. I have simply noticed that, in such an environment, if anyone were so-minded, they could diddle them out of a cuppa.

You would have to be very down-on-your-luck to even consider doing it. I mean, their tea and coffee are as cheap as chips. [It must be a while since you bought chips. Three quid for a bag of the things? Flipping extortion! - Ed.]

Ahem... no, I am not advocating theft. Definitely not. Perish the thought... Mind you, there is a blibbing long queue at the bar just now. I only want a cup of coffee... hmm... I wonder...
 
I paid for this.  Honest.
 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or notorius individuals born on the 9th of November? Of course there were; here are some I’ve actually heard of. George II 1683 (The well-known king. This was written for his coronation in 1727 and has been used at every British coronation since, including the next bloke’s.), Edward VII 1841 (Another well-known king. Liked the ladies. A lot.), Marie Dressler 1868 (Actress who starred in the first full-length film comedy Tillie’s Punctured Romance.), Giles Gilbert Scott 1880 (Architect. Designed a... no, not a... the telephone box.), Edna May Oliver 1883 (Actress. If ever a pre-war American film required a tart-tongued, waspish spinster, she seemed to get the gig.), Ed Wynn 1886 (Actor. A Disney stalwart in his later years. He voiced the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland. He also played Uncle Albert in Murry Pappuns.), Anthony Askwith 1902 (Director of posh films don’t-cha-know.), Hedy Lamarr 1914 (Actress who invented ‘frequency hopping spread spectrum technology’ in WWII as a radio-guidance system for allied torpedoes which could be used without threat of jamming by the Axis powers. It wasn’t utilised at the time but it provided the basis for bluetooth technology and wi-fi. Not just a gorgeous face.), Spiro Agnew 1918 (The well-known vice-president. Resigned with Tricky Dicky at the time of the Watergate scandal.), Dorothy Dandridge 1922 (Actress and singer. Here she is in a 1942 clip singing Cow Cow Boogie.), Carl Sagan 1934 (Astronomer and author.), Mary Travers 1936 (Part of folk trio Peter, Paul and Mary [Which one was she? - Ed.] Here they are hammering away.), Roger McGough 1937 (A third of Scaffold and poet.), David Constant 1941 (Crickety bloke.), Tom Fogerty 1941 (A bit of Creedence Clearwater Revival. Time for a clip.  All together now... Left a good job in the city...), Tom Weiskopf 1942 (Golfy bloke.), Phil May 1944 (A Pretty Thing. Time for a clip.  Here's Midnight to Six Man.), Luiz Felipe Scolare 1948 (Cara de futebol.), Lou Ferrigno 1951 (The original Incredible Hulk.), Jill Dando 1961 (The people’s presenter.), Bryn Terfel 1965 (Singer isn’t it. Have a bit of culture look you. , David Duval 1971 (Golfy bloke.) and Gareth Malone 1975 (Choirmaster.).

 

I’ve received a letter...

 

Dear Mr. Mengler,

We are huge fans of the folk singing group, Peter, Paul and Mary. They used to sing protest-type folk songs like the one you gave us as a clip, as well as some whimsical songs such as Puff, the Magic Dragon. They rarely entered the British charts with their songs but, in 1969, they reached number two with a song penned by John Denver; can you recall the name of it?

Yours with kisses on the bottom,

Lee Vinngon, Adge Ett-Plain.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did our little bet go last week? It won. Yay! Well, we won a bit. A profit, anyway. £4.00 from our £2.20 bet. Better that a poke in the eye with a wet fish. What happened? Read on.

 

Brechin vs Edinburgh City - Prediction Away win

Result - Brechin 2 Edinburgh City 3

Yay!

Match report? Nah!

Cowdenbeath vs Cove Rangers - Prediction Away win

Result - Cowdenbeath 1 Cove Rangers 3

Yay!

Match report? No chance.

Elgin vs Annan Athletic - Prediction Home win

Result - Elgin 4 Annan 0

Match report? Other than to say Annan defender, Steven Swinglehurst was red-carded on 61 minutes, nope.

Stenhousemuir vs Queens Park - Prediction Home win

Result - Stenhousemuir 0 Queens Park 3

Hopeless!

Match report? Again, no.

Stirling vs Albion - Prediction Home win

Result - Stirling 3 Albion 0

Yay!

Match report? I should cocoa!

 

Not a bad effort from The Grambler there; can he/she/it go one better this week? Here are this week’s predictions.

Game - Result - Odds

Ross County vs Aberdeen - Prediction Away win - 4/5

Alloa vs Dunfermline - Prediction Away win - 5/6

Partick vs Morton - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Montrose vs Forfar - Prediction Home win - 4/6

Edinburgh City vs Elgin - Prediction Home win - 4/6

Once again, The Grambler sticks with Scottish games. At least they are not all in League Two, so there will be a match report or two next week.

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Predictions (Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!), the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping....

 

£10.26

Not whopping at all.

.....oooOooo.....
 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which country qualified for the 1950 World Cup but refused to play because FIFA wouldn't let them play barefoot. The answer was India.

One for this week? Which footballer first gained media attention when his youth team won a game 23-0; a game in which he scored every single goal?

 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Please, also take the time to click on this link, an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).  You might be interested to know that the total quoted in that little clip has moved on and is currently £52,676 raised for the Bobby Moore Fund.
 

…..oooOooo…..

 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther I am indebted to a Mr R. McGough who, as stated in the birthday honours, was a member of the well-known group, Scaffold, but is now better known as a popular, and indeed, populist, poet. I think, therefore, it is only right that we finish with some examples of his work...

 

VAT

I do not value
Added tax.

 

Good Old William

'I concur
with everything you say,'
smiled William.

'Oh yes,
I concur with that,
I agree.'

'If that's the general feeling
you can count on me.
Can't say fairer.'

Good old
William, the Concurrer.

 

Beguiling

She is so beguiling
That when she beckons
I can run a mile
In twenty seconds.

 

The Time I Like Best

The time I like best is 6am
when the snow is 6 inches deep
which I'm yet to discover
'cause I'm under the covers
fast, fast asleep.

 

Goodbat Nightman

God bless all policemen
and fighters of crime,
May thieves go to jail
for a very long time.

They've had a hard day
helping clean up the town,
Now they hang from the mantelpiece
both upside down.

A glass of warm blood
and then straight up the stairs,
Batman and Robin
are saying their prayers.

* * *

They've locked all the doors
and they've put out the bat,
Put on their batjamas
(They like doing that)

They've filled their batwater-bottles
made their batbeds,
With two springy battresses
for sleepy batheads.

They're closing red eyes
and they're counting black sheep,
Batman and Robin
are falling asleep.

 

Survivor

Everyday,
I think about dying.
About disease, starvation,
violence, terrorism, war,
the end of the world.

It helps
keep my mind off things.

 

And finally, one that could have been written for Boris Johnson...

The Leader

I wanna be the leader
I wanna be the leader
Can I be the leader?
Can I? I can?
Promise? Promise?
Yippee I'm the leader
I'm the leader

OK what shall we do?

 

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 2 November 2019

Week 14 - The Grambler solves the housing shortage


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

"So, this new material you've developed... this ‘plastic’ stuff. Tell me about it."

"Wel, it is very cheap to produce and it can take the place of expensive wood, glass and metal products. Also, unlike wood, it will never rot, unlike metal it won't rust and unlike glass it won't smash. No more broken glass bottles; plastic can be the new material for containers."

"It sounds tremendous."

"It would also seem to be indestructible. Basically, it will last forever."

"Cheap to make, you say? It sounds the perfect disposable product."

"Disposable? No, I think not. As I said, it will last forever."

"Well, that's not much use. I need a product that has to be replaced. We'll just tell everyone it's a one-use item and get them to throw them away."

"Where?"

"Sorry?"

"Where would they throw them?"

"In the bin... landfill... anywhere."

"But it won’t decompose like other materials; it isn’t biodegradable."

"S.E.P. old boy."

"Ess ee pee? What does that mean?"

"Somebody else's problem. Let's get them moulds working..."

That conversation definitely, possibly, or probably-never took place many moons ago in the infancy of plastics. If it didn't, it should have done. If it had, maybe somebody would have realised that plastic is most certainly not a throwaway material. It lasts forever, it would seem. It was a fact that wasn't lost on Earl Tupper [Ooh, he was good him. The tough of the track. Welder during the week, world class athlete at the weekend... Ate nothing but fish suppers, you know. - Ed.] That's Alf Tupper, ya numpty. Ahem, where was I? Oh yes, Earl Tupper, the maker of the plastic food container that bears his name. He knew from the start that plastic would last a lifetime, or several lifetimes, and so he guaranteed his products for life. If ever anything failed, it would be replaced, free of charge, no matter how old the product was. Okay, the goods made by his company were expensive, but they were of excellent quality and returns were infrequent.

Sadly, he was the only one who had such vision. The opening 'conversation' would seem to cover the attitude of everybody else involved in the manufacture of plastics.

Of course, as young Greta Thungammyberg points out, we are now paying the price for living in a chuck-it society. It is a crazy situation that has developed and is now causing chaos, because nobody knows what to do about all this waste that has been created... and yet still we buy our liquids in plastic. What is the answer? Pull up a chair and I'll tell ee.

While this mountain of waste plastic containers continues to grow, there are some people who can't even afford to buy the products contained within them; can't even afford a home. Well, the grambler has the answer to the housing problem. [You bloody would have. - Ed.] Build more homes [Is that it? - Ed.] out of plastic containers. [You what? - Ed.] Clever, huh?

Yes, I hear you say, but plastic containers come in all shapes and sizes, how can you possibly use them to build houses? At the moment, that would seem to be a problem, but plastics manufacturers could be 'persuaded', that is, forced, to standardise their products so that they are of uniform dimensions and, instead of liquid containers being cylinder shaped they would have to conform to a square or rectangular shape with the base being concave rather than convex such that the cap of another bottle can fit into the hollow formed. Thus, bottles could be placed end to end without any gaps. Fill each bottle with any heavy-ish material such as gravel, dirt or sand and voila, plastic bricks. Glue together a few and you have a dwelling. Brilliant, huh?

How many millions of bottles are chucked away each day? How many houses could be built out of them? Hunners, I reckon.

As genius ideas go, it's up there with anything Jems Vacuum-Cleaner has ever come up with.

So there you have it, The Grambler solves the world housing problem by making use of plastic that might otherwise be thrown away. It really has to be one of the greatest... [What about the roof? - Ed.] Sorry pardon excuse me? [The roof. How do you make plastic bottles into 'slates'? - Ed.] Erm...I'll get back to you on that one. [Or floors. - Ed.] All right, all right... The plan needs a bit of development... I never said I was an architect. The plastic bottle bricks would be a start. Okay? [Or ceilings... - Ed.]
 
A new housing estate.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or notorious individuals born on the 2nd of November? Of course there were; here are some I’ve actually heard of. Edward V 1470 (The short-lived monarch. Uncle Dick... the bloke found in a Sainsburys car park... assumed the throne soon after Eddie became king. Remember the princes in the Tower? Eddie was one of them. Uncle Dick had something to do with their demise... allegedly.), Daniel Boone 1734 (Hunter and explorer.), Marie Antoinette 1755 (The well-known queen consort with a cake fixation.), Joseph Radetzky von Radetz 1766 (The not-very-well-known Austrian field-marshall with an incredibly well-known toon named after him.  You will recognise this, I am sure.  Incidentally, that guy shaking everyone's hands is the conductor, not some random drunk.), Victor Trumper 1877 (Strine creekuddy blake.), Battista Farina 1893 (Founder of the Pininfarina Company.), Luchino Visconti 1906 (Film director. Death in Venice was one of his.), Burt Lancaster 1913 (Actor. Factoid: he was a circus acrobat before turning to acting.), Sidney Luft 1915 (Film producer. The third Mr Garland.), Ken Rosewall 1934 (Strine Tinnisy blake.), Brian Poole 1941 (Singer with the Tremeloes. [Oh dear, how awful for him. - Ed.] Here’s a clip which will appeal to fans of the Mighty ‘Well.  All together now... Well shake it up baby now...), Bruce Welch 1941 (A Shadow. Here’s a live performance from 1964. It might even get your feet tapping.), Shere Hite 1942 (A sexologist.), Stephanie Powers 1942 (Actress. [Wasn’t she married to Robert Wagner? - Ed.]), Keith Emerson 1944 (Keyboard wizard. Have a clip. Here’s a famous piece by Aaron Copland... No not that one... It’s Hoedown. Yee Hah!), Alan Jones 1946 (Strine ricing caaar drawver.), Dave Pegg 1947 (Bit of Fairport Convention. He has been the go-to bass player for many artists and bands including... deep breath... Jethro Tull, Nick Drake, John Martyn, Sandy Denny, Steve Ashley, Richard and Linda Thompson, Ralph McTell, Dave Swarbrick, Julie Covington, Murray Head, Dick Gaughan. A heck of a lot to choose a clip from. How about this? Dave doing a Jethro Tull toon.), Maxine Nightingale 1952 (Chanter. Let’s have a clip. Here's a right old jolly toon.), Peter Mullan 1959 (Actor. Mum’s man.), k.d. lang... That’s how she writes it... 1961 (Chanter. Have a clip. A song about chocolate, perhaps?), Bobby Dall 1963 (A bit of Poison. This is the band’s biggest hit... Every rose has its thone. Every day has its done.), David Schwimmer 1966 (A friend. ) and Cornell Haynes aka Nelly 1974 (A wrapper. Here he is flapping his wings.).

 

I’ve received a letter...

 

Dear Mr. Mangler,

I am a huge fan of the guitar group, The Shadows, and was pleased that you played a rare clip of them performing Foot Tapper. That was the last of their five number one hit singles. Can you remember which tune gave them their previous number one?

Yours quizzically,

Dan Son.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did our little bet go last week? It won; sort of. A return of £1.36 from a £2.20 bet isn’t exactly a resounding success. What happened? Read on.

 

Birmingham vs Luton - Prediction Home win

Result - Birmingham 2 Luton 1

Yay!

Blues opened the scoring with the last kick of the first half when Kristian Pedersen headed in fellow full-back Maxime Colin's cross.

Pedersen was at fault for Luton's equaliser, however, losing possession before substitute Harry Cornick, aka Junior, blasted the ball beyond keeper Lee Camp.

But Birmingham retook the lead with eight minutes remaining as Lukas Jutkiewicz nodded home a corner.

 

Middlesbrough vs Fulham - Prediction Away win

Result - Middlesbrough 0 Fulham 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Boro drew a blank despite the dismissal of Whites goalkeeper Marek Rodak after just 17 minutes.

The Slovakian youngster was shown a red card for handling Jonny Howson's shot outside the area but, although Lewis Wing's second-half effort struck the post, the hosts failed to take advantage.

Aleksandar Mitrovic squandered Fulham's best opportunity to snatch the win, heading Joe Bryan's cross wide from close range.

 

Nottingham vs Reading - Prediction Home win

Match postponed

 

Peterborough vs Coventry - Prediction Home win

Result - Peterborough 2 Coventry 2

Ooh! ’It the bar!

The Sky Blues had taken a deserved first-half lead through Amadou Bakayoko before Marcus Maddison equalised from the penalty spot.

Bakayoko's opener came in the 12th minute from a Biamou through ball after Peterborough's Louis Reed had lost the ball. The striker slotted home at the near post.

But the dominant visitors were punished for not scoring a second goal seven minutes into the second half when Posh defender Mark Beevers flicked a header on to Ivan Toney who was fouled inside the area by Kyle McFadzean. Maddison sent goalkeeper Marko Marosi the wrong way.

Max Biamou's superb effort from 15 yards on 85 minutes looked to have won the match before Siriki Dembele found Mo Eisa inside the area and he curled in a stoppage time equaliser goal.

 

Southend vs Ipswich - Prediction Away win

Result - Southend 1 Ipswich 3

Yay!

The Shrimpers did have an early Rob Kiernan header ruled out for offside but the Tractor Boys soon hit their stride.

Ipswich opened the scoring in the eighth minute when James Norwood latched onto Kayden Jackson's through ball to fire home with Southend goalkeeper Mark Oxley rooted to his line.

Norwood grabbed his second to double the lead in the 70th minute when Jackson's left-wing cross picked out the striker who sent a low, left-footed shot into the bottom right hand corner of the net from 12 yards.

Six minutes later, Ipswich made it 3-0 with Jackson firing home after Jon Nolan's effort had been parried out by Oxley.

The Shrimpers netted a consolation effort in the 83rd minute with substitute Emile Acquah scoring from close range.

 

Ho hum. Two right, two nearly right and one postponed; not The Grambler’s worst effort. Still not good enough, though. Can he/she/it maake amends this week? [Yes, by not predicting anything. - Ed.] Oh ye of little faith.

Lets have a look at this week’s random selections.

Game - Result - Odds

Brechin vs Edinburgh City - Prediction Away win - 4/5

Cowdenbeath vs Cove Rangers - Prediction Away win - 11/20

Elgin vs Annan Athletic - Prediction Home win - 11/10

Stenhousemuir vs Queens Park - Prediction Home win - Evens

Stirling vs Albion - Prediction Home win - 17/20

Uh oh... The Grambler has chosen all the games from Scottish League Two. Expect a report-free blog next week as nobody bothers providing a match report on Scottish games lower than the Championship.

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Predictions (Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!), the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping....

 

£11.22

That’s not particularly whopping.
 
 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you what team in the English league currently plays at a stadium called Highbury. The answer is Fleetwood Town.

One for this week? Here’s a good un. Which country qualified for the 1950 World Cup but refused to play because FIFA wouldn't let them play barefoot?

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Please, also take the time to click on this link, an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther I am indebted to a Mr D. Schwimmer and somebody else who looks very like him. About a year ago, a man stole a crate of beer from a Blackpool shop and, when his face appeared on-line, people were convinced that Mr Schimmer was behind the theft.  We end this week's edition of the world's greatest ill-informed blog with a news item that proves the Friends actor has a good sense of humour.

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday, 25 October 2019

Weeks 9 to 13 - Il Grambler ritorna


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

You may have noticed that The Grambler has been in hiding for a few weeks. Was I perhaps unwell? Yes and no. Yes, you may indeed have noticed that there has been no edition of the world’s greatest ill-informed blog and no, I haven’t been unwell.

Part of the break from blogging was due to Mrs G and I taking a well earned break... as in holiday.  A couple of weeks were spent in the stunning area known as the Amalfi coast or the Neapolitan Riviera. Very nice. Not suitable for someone like me though. Wobbly legs and rugged coastlines do not mix well.

However, we made the best of it and managed to take a couple of trips which didn't involve walking... or cliff climbing which would be a better way to describe it... it really is rugged terrain.

We took a train journey and, from the relative tranquility of being seated in a rather crowded carriage, managed to see some wonderful scenery. The views were magnificent and we even passed mount Vesuvius and the isle of Capri.

But you don't want a travelogue. That's not what the world's greatest ill-informed blog is about. Surely there is something interesting to report, I hear you say.

Indeed there is. When we got on the train, a smartly dressed young man stood up to give this oldie a seat. Incidentally, his chivalry was an exception. It seems that young people in Italy are not taught to respect old fogies. Other than this young man, not one young person gave up his or her seat for anyone who was elderly or infirm. Shocking manners, I say.

Anyway, the train trundled along passing by, and through, some of the aforementioned spectacular scenery before stopping at a station where it seemed to remain for longer than the norm.

What was the reason, everybody seemed to be asking. After a while, we spotted an employee of the railway company marching purposefully down the carriage towards us. He walked directly to Mr Chivalrous and challenged him. An argument ensued. As they were both Italian, the discussion was loud and accompanied by much gesticulating. It also seemed to be a very aggressive encounter; although, from general observations, I realised that any conversation between Italians seems to be an angry affair and I wondered how often they degenerated into actual fisticuffs taking place. We had no idea what was being said, but it seemed that the young man did not have a valid ticket and did not have any money to buy one. Despite this, he point blank refused to get off the train. After a few minutes others around us were joining in the conversation in similarly heated fashion. We watched on, enjoying this crazy scene playing out in front of us... I was reminded of an old Marx Brothers’ film, for some reason. Still, the young guy without the ticket refused to get off the train.

A girl sitting close to us explained what was happening. The young man was claiming that he would lose his job if he did not get in to work on time. My own thoughts on the matter were that by delaying a train for 20 or more minutes was not the best way to ensure that he remained in employment.

Meanwhile, others on the train were getting seriously peed off and simply got off the train to find other ways to their destinations.

Eventually, after holding the train up for so long, the man agreed to get off... with a bit of persuasion from two scary looking policemen who had been summoned to assist.

That was 20 minutes of time wasted over this pretty minor incident. Back here in the Yuk, the guy would have been told to get off... Well, the word off would be in there somewhere... with no option to argue his case. However, in Italy, people obviously behave differently, but I couldn't help wondering why such a minor incident was allowed to escalate so that it resulted in such a long delay. How much did it cost the Italian train company to hold the train up for so long and cause other trains to be delayed or even cancelled? And what about those individuals who had decided to leave the train because one guy was being bloody-minded about getting off? How much did they have to pay out on bus or taxi fares?

Have a guess how much his unpaid fare should have been... €2.90. All that fuss over less than three quids!

As the train began moving again an ironic cheer went up throughout the carriage and our translator friend said to us, 'That is likely to be the most Neapolitan experience you will get on your entire vacation.'

I have to agree. It was a surreal moment, certainly, but highly entertaining nonetheless.
 
This is what you get if a train
waits at a station for 20 minutes.
 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? As we have missed a few weeks, I have decided, other than for this week, to include only those people who can provide us with a musical link. So, let’s begin with September the 28th...

Maria von Trapp 1914 (Singer. One of the famous family. Here is one of the von Trapp family’s toons, Es Wollt Ein Jagerlein Jagen. Don’t blink or you’ll miss it.), ‘Country’ Johnny Mathis 1930 (Curntry en wyustern sanger. Here’s Black Sheep. Meh!), Emmett Chapman 1936 (Geetarist and inventor of the stick that bears his name. Here’s Nick Beggs playing Tava on this versatile instrument.), Ben E. King 1938 (Singer that we should stand by. Cue cheesy video.), Jim Diamond 1951 (Singer who won't let you down.), Andy Ward 1952 (Drummy bit of Camel. Here’s a track with him battering away like a good un.), Jennifer Rush 1960 (Singer. We could only have one song... Here’s Huey Lewis and the News with The Power of Love... Hang on a mo.) and Melody Thornton 1984 (A Pussycat Doll. Here’s Stickwitu.).

Right, here’s the same thing for October the 5th...

Steve Miller 1943 (Musician. Here’s a magic song. Geddit?), Brian Connolly 1945 (Sweet front-man. Here he is wigwam bamming. They can’t touch you for it.), Brian Johnson 1947 (Singer, it says here. Here he is back in 1973 with dungarees and platform shoes. Nice.), Russell Mael 1948 (A Spark. Here’s Amateur Hour.), ‘Fast’ Eddie Clarke 1950 (Geetarist with Motörhead. Here’s the band’s biggest hit. It’s called... Motorhead.), Bob Geldof 1951 (A Boomtown Rat. Here’s Mary of the Fourth Form.), Harold Faltermeyer 1952 (Musician. Here is Axel F... without that bl**dy frog.), Pato Banton 1960 (Singer. Wonder if he’ll make a Come Back. Geddit? Come back... comeback. Please yourselves.), Dave Dederer 1964 (A President of the United States of America. Here’s their biggest hit.), James Valentine 1978 (Geetarist with Maroon 5. Here’s their first big hit.) and Nicola Roberts 1985 (A Girl Aloud. Here’s the group’s first number one.).

October the 12th anyone?

Ralph Vaughan Williams 1872 (Composer, it says here. If taking and old tune and rearranging it (which he did a lot) makes you a composer, then he was a composer. Actually, I am doing him a disservice; here is one he actually wrote from scratch.), Sam Moore 1935 (Half of Sam and Dave [Really? Which half? - Ed.] Have a clip. Here's Soul Man.), Luciano Pavarotti 1935 (Rerr chanter. Here’s a song about his car... Nessun Dorma; not a model I've heard of.), Melvin Franklin 1942 (A Temptation. Here’s a clip.  Are you ready?), Rick Parfitt 1948 (A bit of Status Quo. Here he is on lead vocals.), Dave Vanian 1956 (A bit of the Damned. This is neat.) and Huge Ackman 1968 (Actor and singer. Here is The Greatest Show.).

What about October the 19th?

George McCrae 1944 (Singer. Here he is sporting the droopiest of droopy moustaches.), Pete Tosh 1944 (A Wailer. Here’s a later solo toon.), Harris Milstead aka Divine (Performer? Here’s his/her biggest hit... and I apologise in advance... Well, that was... erm... interesting.), Gloria Jones 1945 (Singer. Here is Cry Baby unplugged.), Jeannie C. Riley 1945 (Curntry sanger yahll. Here’s her hit. Yes, I know we’ve had it before when it was Tom T. Hall’s birthday, but she did fu... nothing else.), Patrick Simmons 1948 (A Doobie brother. Have a clip.) and Karl Wallinger 1957 (A bit of World Party. Here’s a nice toon.).

Finally, let’s get bang up to date. Were any famous or notorious people born on October 26th? Of course... Here are some I’ve even heard of.

Domenico Scarlatti 1985 (Composer. Here is a clip and it is, frankly, brilliant.), Georges Danton 1759 (French lawyer and politician.), Primo Carnera 1906 (Boxy bloke. Aka The Ambling Alp.), Sorley MacLean 1911 (Poet.), Don Siegel 1912 (Film director.), Jackie Coogan 1914 (Actor. His most famous were the kid in the 1921 Chaplin film The Kid and Uncle Fester in The Addams Family in 1964. In between? Erm...), François Mitterrand 1916 (Le président bien connu.), Shaw Taylor 1924 (Television presenter. He didn’t present televisions; he was a presenter on the television), Charlie Landsborough 1941 (Musician. Have a clip.), Bob Hoskins 1942 (Max. [Sorry? - Ed.] Max... Max Factor... actor. He was a professional cockney, wonnee.), Jaclyn Smith 1945 (Actress. One of Charlie’s angels.), Keith Hopwood 1946 (A Hermit. Wrote this. That pile of sh... That record reached number 1 in the US. Evidence that any old rubbish would sell in the States in the sixties if it came from Britain.), Hillary Clinton 1947 (Who?), ‘Bootsy’ Collins 1951 (Musician. Let’s get funky.), Andrew Motion 1952 (Poet.), David Was 1952 (A bit of Was (not Was). Let’s walk the dinosaur.-), Roger Allam 1953 (Ectaw.), Keith Strickland 1953 (A B52. Here’s Roam.), Evo Morales 1959 (El conocido presidente.), Uhuru Kenyatta 1961 (Rais anayejulikana.), Cary Elwes 1962 (Actor.), Audley Harrison 1971 (Boxy bloke.), Austin Healey 1973 (Ruggery bloke.) and Seth MacFarlane 1973 (Actor, animator, filmmaker, comedian and singer. In fact, a right old smarty boots.)

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

 

Dear Mr. Wrongun,

I am writing to you from up here in Ross and Cromarty, but please don’t confuse me with my cousin of the same name who lives in nearby Portmahomack. Anyway, back in the 1970s I really enjoyed Northern Soul, so I was pleased that you included a track by Gloria Jones who provided a lot of music I danced to back in the day. Her most famous song was later recorded by Soft Cell; can you remember what it was?

Yours ruefully,

(Tain) Ted Love.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. There is little point in trying to remember how our last bet fared; it was so long ago, I have completely forgotten. So, what has the great and powerful Grambler randomly chosen for us this week?

 

Game - Result - Odds

Birmingham vs Luton - Prediction Home win - Evens

Middlesbrough vs Fulham - Prediction Away win - 6/5

Nottingham vs Reading - Prediction Home win - 11/10

Peterborough vs Coventry - Prediction Home win - Evens

Southend vs Ipswich - Prediction Away win - 3/5

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Predictions (Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!), the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping....

 

£13.72

Ooer... Far too whopping for my liking.
 
 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Teaser time. Yay! Last time I asked you name this player.

Born in Romford in 1978, this player began his career with West Ham United before a switch to Stamford Bridge brought 147 goals in 429 games. Won the Champions League in 2012.

Did you get Frank Lampard? Then you were right.

One for this week? Before moving to the Emirates Stadium, Arsenal played at Highbury. Your question this week is what other team in the English league plays at a stadium called Highbury? Too easy? Maybe...

 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, also take the time to click on this link, an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, we end with a short film of a young girl’s first appearance on nationwide television. I am not a fan of talent shows such as ‘Insert nation of choice’s Got Talent’, but they do occasionally throw up a really talented act... no, I’m not talking about Susan Boyle, I’m talking about Darcy Lynne, whose birthday just so happens to coincide with our birthday honours. She was born on October the 12th 2004. Who, I hear you ask. Darcy Lynne. She was a finalist in America’s Got Talent back in 2017 when she was just 12 years old. She is a rather talented ventriloquist as you will find out if you click on this link which I reckon you will enjoy.

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 21 September 2019

Week 7/8 - The Grambler in space


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Ahh... Sunday night drama. It’s always so reassuringly relaxing. From Call the Midwife to Downton Abbey, Mr Selfridge to Victoria, you can always rely on calm, gentle-paced drama. Blame this Sunday evening fare on the daddy of all costume dramas, The Forsyte Saga which first aired back in the 1960s. We’ve had all sorts since. Who can recall the Onedin Line? That’s pronounced oh-knee-din not won-din. What about Hamish Macbeth? Ballykissangel? All very couthy and ‘nice’. There were never any sweary words on Sunday night telly, that’s for sure.

I had heard a lot of good reports about the current Sunday night offering from the Beeb Beeb Ceeb... Blinking Peaky, or something... so I switched it on thinking I ought to see what the fuss was about.

It certainly wasn’t about its calm pace or gentle humour; gritty might be a better term... although I can think of other terms. I don’t suppose I should have expected any cosy Sunday night drama. The seemingly daft name of the title hides a darker truth. It refers to Birmingham gangs of the early twentieth century who would sew razors into the front of their oversized caps and then use the tooled-up headgear as a weapon. The blinder part of the title refers to the blood spewing out of a headwound which would run down over the eyes thus temporarily blinding the recipient of said bunnet weapon. I wonder if that’s where Ian Fleming got the idea for Oddjob and his ballistic bowler.

Anyway, on Sunday night I sat down hoping that the programme that had received such plaudits lived up to the hype. Unfortunately, I started to watch half way through an episode. Perhaps I might have appreciated it more had I seen it from the start... I doubt it, though.

My first criticism concerns the language. [English? - Ed.]. Bad. I know people swear and f*ck is probably the commonest word in some people’s speech. However, it was totally wrong to use it as frequently as the writer saw fit to include it. Yes, I know I sound prudish, but my reasons for criticising its use are more to do with laziness from the writer as well as historical accuracy. Laziness? Indeed. The word f*ck has a real potency when it is used sparingly. By using it constantly, the writer ‘neutralised’ the word such that it became just any old word; it lost any sort of meaning; it was just ‘there’. He also needed a good few minutes of dialogue less, thanks to the amount of time the actors spent uttering words beginning f*ck. Ah, you might say, isn’t that exactly how modern young people talk. Yes it is and this brings me to my second gripe: historical accuracy. Such casual use of the word f*ck is, I would argue, a fairly modern phenomenon; after the Second World War, I would have thought. As Plinky Plonkers is set between the wars, its use would have been more rare... and consequently more dramatic.

Perhaps the writer was hoping to pick up the award for ‘Most Gratuitous Use of the Word F*ck’*.

Then there was the music. All dramas these days seem to have a bit of atmospheric music. This was no different in the respect that music was indeed in evidence. However, it was certainly not there to add anything to the plot. The music chosen was totally incongruous (That’s a good word. Must look it up.). It seemed as if whoever had been put in charge of the music had selected random play and hadn’t bothered to correct the error. I did say the action was set in the early twentieth century, didn’t I? So why was a heavy rock song circa 1970 played?

My next gripe concerns the lighting. There wasn’t any. Yes, the programme is meant to be dramatic, but does that mean every scene should be filmed with a black background. Most of the time, the only thing visible was the actors’ faces. Where were the actors meant to be? It didn’t matter, because it was pitch-black. They might as well have been in a cupboard.

Did I mention actors? Oh dear. How did the actors convey menace? In the best British soap opera style of... whispering. Ooh... I’m scared.

Hang on, we’ve got a Scotsman. How does a Scot show menace? By talking out of the side of his mouth, of course. That’s how all Scots talk when they want to appear threatening, isn’t it? It is in TV land.

Finally, and it marked the point at which I switched off, a Cockney made an appearance. He didn’t whisper. No, he talked very loudly, indeed. His style of speech was... erm... interesting. He might as well have been singing Chim chim cheree, his accent was so obviously based on Dick Van Dyke’s finest cinematic moment.

From being an evil and menacing swearathon, the programme had drifted into music hall territory. I’m sorry, I could take no more of this, in its own words perhaps, f*ck*ng sh*t*.

I read a review where the author called the programme ‘unmissable’; well, I am perhaps in a minority, but I call it ‘unwatchable’.

Bring back Heartbeat and The Darling Buds of May... proper Sunday night telly. It may have been tosh, but at least it was likeable tosh.
 
Flat cap - The best a man can get

 
 
* Did you spot the Hitch-hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reference, there?

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or notorious individuals born on the 14th of September? Of course there were. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Alexander von Humboldt 1769 (Naturalist.), Robert Cecil 1864 (Diplomat. He was involved in the implementation of the League of Nations after WWI... and we all know what a success that was.), Hal B. Wallis 1898 (Film producer. Casablanca, that was one of his.), Peter Scott 1909 (Son of Robert. Painted a lot of birds.), Jack Hawkins 1910 (Ectaw. Tended to play stern but sympathetic military types.), Clayton Moore 1914 (Actor. Played the Lone Ranger... er... that was it. See Rupert Hine, below.), Janet Davies 1927 (Actress. Mrs Pike, in Dad’s Army.), Terence Donovan 1936 (Snapper.), Walter Koenig 1936 (Actor. Chekov in Star Trek, that was him.), Nicol Williamson 1938 (Ectaw, dear leddie. Cited as ‘The greatest actor since Marlon Brando’. Really? How interesting.), Martin Tyler 1945 (Footy commentator.), Pete Agnew 1946 (A bit of Nazareth. The last founding member still involved with the band.  Time for a clip. Should have called the AA.), Sam Neill 1947 (Actor.), Paul Kossoff 1950 (Guitarist with Free. Another clip, methinks. Here’s Wishing Well.), Ray ‘Butch’ Wilkins 1956 (Footy bloke.), Kepler Wessels 1957 (Creekutty blike.), Morten Harket 1959 (Aha! A Norwegian singer.  Have a clip.  I doubt if the bean counters at the Beeb Beeb Ceeb would agree.), Dmitry Medvedev 1965 (Prime minister of Russia.), John Power 1967 (Musician. Front man with Cast. A clip? Here’s Free Me.), Mark Webber 1970 (Guitarist with Pulp. Another clip coming up. Here are some Common People.), Andrew Lincoln 1973 (Actor.), Amy Winehouse 1983 (Singer. Have a clip. All together now... They tried to make me go to rehab...), Steven Naismith 1986 (Footy bloke.), Tinchy Stryder 1987 (Rapper. Here’s his first number one called... Number 1.  What are the chances of that happening?) and Douglas Costa 1990 (Cara de futebol.).

Now then, what about the 21st of September? John Loudon McAdam 1756 (Engineer.), H.G.Wells 1866 (Orfer.), Gustav Holst 1874 (Composer. This could be his most well-known piece), Preston Tucker 1903 (Car maker.), Kwame Nkrumah 1909 (The well-known president.), Chuck Jones 1912 (Animator.), Karl Slover 1918 (A Munchkin.), Bob Stokoe 1930 (Footy bloke.), Larry Hagman 1931 (Actor. J.R. Ewing, that was him.), Shirley Conran 1932 (Orfer.), Leonard Cohen 1934 (Singer/songwriter. He was very popular in France where this song, Suzanne, reached number three.), Jimmy Armfield 1935 (Footy bloke.), Henry Gibson 1935 (Actor.), Bobby Tench 1944 (Jobbing musician. Here he is during his stint playing guitar for Streetwalkers.), Keith Harris 1947 (Gentriloquist.), Rupert Hine 1947 (Musician. Had a top ten hit with this Quantum Jump song.), Stephen King 1947 (Orfer.), Charles Clarke 1950 (Politician.), Bill Murray 1950 (Actor.), Dave Gregory 1952 (Musician. Former member of XTC, now with Big Big Train. Have a clip. Here’s English Electric.), Phil ‘Philthy Animal’ Taylor 1954 (Drummer with Motörhead. Here’s their biggie.  All together now... If you want to gamble...), Ethan Coen 1957 (Filmmaker.), Simon Mayo 1958 (DJ and orfer.), Corinne Drewery 1959 (Singer with Swingout Sister. Time to break out.), Curtly Ambrose 1963 (Cricketty bloke.), Cheryl Hines 1965 (Actress.), Ricki Lake 1968 (Actress, talk show host.), Liam Gallagher 1972 (Swaggering singer. A clip? Let’s have some Oasis.), Andy Todd 1974 (Footy bloke.), James Allan 1979 (Musician. Frontman with Glasvegas. Meet your social worker.) and Richard Dunne 1979 (Footy bloke.).

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

 

Dear Mr. Grangler,

Thank you for playing a track by that wonderful band of the nineties, Cast. They were a pretty successful outfit, as well, having seven top ten singles from 1996 to 1999. I can remember some of them, but can’t for the life of me remember the follow up hit to the track you gave a link to. Can you recall it?

Yours hopefully,

Guy Dingstarr

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grangling... grangling?... grambling matters. How did the last edition’s predictions fare? Not very well at all. Not a penny piece back. What happened? Read on...

Colchester vs Walsall - Prediction Home win

Result - Colchester 0 Walsall 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

The Saddlers defended well to pick up an away point, in a game where defences were on top.

Colchester almost took a first-minute lead through defender Ryan Jackson, whose low strike was well held by keeper Liam Roberts.

Roberts was in action again soon after when he pushed away Luke Norris' low drive while Danny Guthrie's effort for Walsall was plucked out of the air by keeper Dean Gerken.

Visiting goalkeeper Roberts saved another low strike from Norris just before half-time and early in the second half, Ryan Clampin's deflected effort flew just wide for Colchester.

Just before the hour mark, Gary Liddle's 25-yard deflected strike was pushed away by Gerken, as both sides looked to make the breakthrough.

But the U's looked more likely to break the deadlock, with Jackson's 20-yard strike turned away by Roberts.

Walsall substitute Elijah Adebayo's spectacular overhead kick flew straight at Gerken as the spoils were shared.

 

Orient vs Swindon - Prediction Home win

Result - Orient 1 Swindon 3

Boo! Told you...

Keshi Anderson put the visitors ahead in the 23rd minute. He was fouled and sent his free-kick into the wall but reacted quickest to pounce on the loose ball and curl into the far corner past Dean Brill.

Swindon continued to push forward and that attacking intent paid dividends again two minutes before the break, with Rob Hunt's audacious side-foot from the corner of the box taking a telling deflection off Orient left-back Joe Widdowson and flying past a surprised Brill.

The game was then over in first-half stoppage time when Lloyd Isgrove provided his sixth assist of the league season when he darted through the centre of the pitch before laying off to Jerry Yates, who cut onto his right foot before finishing with aplomb.

Jordan Maguire-Drew curled home brilliantly from 20 yards to give Orient hope with 16 minutes of normal time left but Swindon held on to send their fans home happy.

 

Mansfield vs Scunthorpe - Prediction Home win

Result - Mansfield 2 Scunthorpe 0

Yay!

The visitors started confidently with Abo Eisa firing just over after 12 minutes.

Seven minutes later the same player was booked after diving to try to win a penalty.

Scunthorpe goalkeeper Rory Watson beat away a long-range Nicky Maynard effort in the 22nd minute, after Jordan Clarke gave the ball away.

Matt Preston slotted home CJ Hamilton's cross at the back post to give Mansfield the lead nine minutes later.

Jamie Proctor nearly levelled four minutes before the interval when he fired inches wide from a free-kick.

However, Danny Rose doubled the lead nine minutes into the second half, after taking advantage of indecision between Andy Butler and Watson.

Jamie Proctor headed narrowly off target in the 74th minute as Iron failed to get back into the game.

 

Plymouth vs Oldham - Prediction Home win

Result - Plymouth 2 Oldham 2

Ooh! ’It the bar again!

Oldham opened the scoring against the run of play following a 27th-minute counter-attack as Johan Branger fired an unstoppable low angled drive past the diving Alex Palmer from the left into the far corner.

Just two minutes earlier defender Niall Canavan had cleared Filipe Morais' looping header off the Argyle goal-line, with Palmer beaten.

Central defender Scott Wootton levelled with a close-range 31st-minute header, powering Josh Grant's headed cross into the roof of the Oldham net.

Argyle took the lead when wing-back Callum McFadzean's angled cross was swept home by fit-again striker Byron Moore on 74 minutes, but it was short-lived.

Oldham skipper and central defender David Wheater leapt to head the visitors level from Branger's 77th-minute corner.

Oldham goalkeeper Gary Woods made a last-minute point-blank stop to deny substitute striker Zak Rudden as the on-loan Rangers forward slid in to meet McFadzean's cross.

 

Forfar vs East Fife - Prediction Home win

Result - Forfar 1 East Fife 2

Boo!

As usual, nobody at the Beeb Beeb Ceeb realises that games take place north of the border, so they just don’t even bother providing a match report. I think I will quote the words of the wise and wonderful Mr Johnson, our esteemed PM [I detect a touch of sarcasm. - Ed.], donnez moi un break!

Anyway, the result was not what The Grambler had predicted, so it all means that we lost our money. Can he/she/it come up with five spot-on predictions this week? I have every faith in The Grambler. [You must be about the only one. - Ed.] What are this week’s selections?

Game - Result - Odds

Albion vs Edinburgh City - Prediction Away win - 10/11

Annan vs Stirling - Prediction Home win - 7/10

Elgin vs Cove Rangers - Prediction Away win - 3/5

Queen’s Park vs Cowdenbeath - Prediction Home win - 17/20

Stenhousemuir vs Brechin - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Hmm... The Grambler seems to have simply selected the Scottish League Two fixtures. That is odd predicting. One thing I can predict; there won’t be any write-ups available next time... the Beeb doesn’t cover such ‘lowly’ games.

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Predictions (Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!), the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping....

 

£10.08

Unwhopping, I reckon.
 
 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last time I asked you which top club was originally known as Dial Square F.C. Did you manage to answer Arsenal? Then, you’d be right.

One for this week? Can you guess the player from this description?

Born in Romford in 1978, this player began his career with West Ham United before a switch to Stamford Bridge brought 147 goals in 429 games. Won the Champions League in 2012.

Any idea? One to start a discussion down the pub.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, also take the time to click on this link, an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, let us finish by celebrating an anniversary... a week late, admittedly. Did you know that sixty years ago, on the 14th (or 13th if you lived further east) of September 1959, the first object from Earth landed on the moon? No? Well, it did. I say landed... crashed is a better word to use as that was exactly what happened. Luna 2 was an unmanned Russian spacecraft which was launched on the 12th (13th?) of September and its mission was, basically, to hit the moon. Apparently, there had been five earlier attempts, but all had either failed to launch or had simply missed the target.

Do you recall that Neil Armstrong had stuck the American flag into the moon’s surface in 1969? Well, the Rooskies did their own version of flag planting ten years earlier. Just prior to impact, two sphere-shaped pennants with USSR and the launch date engraved in Cyrillic were detonated, sending pentagonal shields in all directions.

It was the start of all sorts of junk ending up on the moon. The remains of various USSR, US, Japanese, Indian, Chinese, Israeli and European Space Agency rockets have been left on its surface. Other objects such as lunar buggies, commemorative plaques, a bible, a statuette and golf balls have also been left up there. In all, there has been over 187 tonnes of man-made rubbish left up there.

You may be interested to know that there are also something like 130 million items of debris orbiting the Earth. There are so many up there now that they are becoming a hazard to spacecraft.

There is even a hypothesis known as the Kessler Syndrome which suggests that if these objects start colliding with each other, they would fragment and the smaller pieces would continue colliding with each other and keep fragmenting. The thinking goes that the Earth’s orbit will become so crowded with fragments of rubbish that satellites will also be damaged and in their disabled state will continue to collide and break up, so adding to this ‘soup’ of debris flying around up there. The worry is that eventually the Earth’s orbit will be so overcrowded with junk that it will become impassable. So much for the idea of travelling to other planets. And as for mobile phones and satnav...

Thought that might cheer you up.

Nice to know that we humans are not only making a mess of our planet by filling it with crap, we have progressed to filling space with our junk as well. What a clever bunch we are, to be sure.

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.