Saturday 26 February 2022

Post 440 - A gramble or am ah wrang?*

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Story time...

WARNING in big capital letters. This week's story time might cause offence as it could upset just about everybody.

Those of you who are regular readers of this esteemed blog know that I occasionally don't call a spade an earth moving implement. This is especially true when it comes to the topic of disability which is, of course, a dirty word, the woke generation of snowflakes now insisting that nobody is dis-abled, but differently-abled. Bollocks to that says I. Stop messing with the English language is my first gripe. My second gripe is that disabled people are nowadays being promoted beyond their capabilities. How do you mean, I hear you ask. Well, when I were a lad [Uh oh, Hovis time. - Ed.] anyone who was differently-abled and couldn't keep up with classwork was sat at the back and given raffia to play with. That was a horrific way to deal with kids who weren't the smartest, but I can't help thinking that nowadays it has gone full circle and such kids would now receive more attention and, it follows, a better education than able-bodied children. All well and good, it means that they can legitimately earn for themselves when they grow up rather than, again as happened in the past, being put in a Remploy factory which made aids for other disabled people.

Unfortunately, the British Broadcorping Casteration believes that all minorities should be given a chance and so we are now seeing lots of disabled... sorry, differently-abled people... in the media. But it can go too far. And has done.

A current darling of radio and TV is a comedian with severe cerebral palsy. She can be amusing, but her speech is such that it is very difficult to make out what she is saying. I can't fault her for having a go at a career that wouldn't be my first choice if I had such real problems with speaking, but I would criticise the radio people who have not worked out that an important part of anyone broadcasting is that they must be understood. To me, it is just the usual patronising attitude of those in charge. You may remember that years ago I wrote an edition of this blog berating (That's a good word. Wonder what it means... A Jamaican hat, apparently.) those that dish out Oscars for always giving the awards to anyone who is playing a disabled character. To me, this is the same thing. I listened to a podcast that featured the comedian I am talking about. Obviously, she was on it to be amusing, which she was, occasionally, but the presenter of the podcast laughed a little too often, a little too long and a little too loudly over statements which were a little unfunny and so he sounded totally insincere. That patronising attitude again.

Moving away from the media for a moment, it all reminds me of an incident from many years ago. [You can get too much Hovis, you know. - Ed.] I recall that my sons, who were cub scouts, were chosen as part of their 'pack' to take part in a five-a-side football competition. [Is this in the least bit relevant? - Ed.] Yes, bear with me on this. They would be pitted against other packs with the winners being crowned top dogs. [Ha! Cubs! Top dogs. Very good. Oh no, that's pups. Just ignore me. - Ed.] Any road up, the leader of another group, believing in the concept of total inclusion, had chosen a lad with cerebral palsy as part of the team representing his pack. All very nice. All very inclusive. However, children don't have the same view on total inclusion. This poor lad struggled his way around the five a side pitch and was totally ignored by all the other boys in his team. To them, he was just a liability. Obviously, they didn't win a game because they were really only a team of four. I recall my thoughts at the time as feeling sorry for the lad who was disabled because he was unable to do what he was in the team for and looked totally embarrassed throughout; I felt sorry for the rest of his team because they had absolutely no chance; and I felt anger towards whoever thought it was the right thing to do to put the boys into this situation.

In my view, 'inclusion' is not always the right approach; especially if it is done without considering those who might suffer as a consequence.

This rant will be continued, I promise you.  Tune in next week, folks.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we?

Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 26th of February? Of course there were. Here are some that even I know.

Orde Wingate 1903 - Soldier.

Arthur Brough 1905 - Actor. Mr Grainger in Are You Being Served.

Madeleine Carroll 1906 - Pamela in The 39 Steps. [No, there were only six of them in Steps. - Ed.]

Fanny Craddock 1909 - The scary TV chef.

Keter Grukk 1916 - Ventriloquist, and not a very good one.

Margaret Leighton 1922 - Actress. Mrs Maudsley in The Go-Between.

Keith Smith 1926 - Actor. Never heard of him? If you watched TV between the 1950s and 1990s, chances are you would have seen plenty of him. He seemed to be in just about every light drama or sitcom as a minor character. 133 credits on IMDb. Mr. Wheeler in The Beiderbecke Affair and its spinoffs.

Doug Sandom 1930 - Drummer. Never heard of him? He was the original drummer with The Who. Replaced by mad man Moon.

Josephine Tewson 1931 - Actress. Never heard of her? She seemed to be in many a sitcom back in the 1970s. And 80s. And 90s. And noughties. Elizabeth in Keeping Up Appearances was perhaps her best known role.

Ally McLeod 1931 - Fitba guy. Yes, that Ally McLeod. He could certainly talk a good game. Have a clip.  All together now...  Oh, we're on the march...

Michael Goldie 1932 - Jobbing actor. Kenneth in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. [Kenneth?! - Ed.]

Tony Selby 1938 - Actor. Corporal Marsh in Get Some In. From 1951 to 2016 he accrued 139 credits on IMDb. Popular choice.

Darcus Howe 1943 - Broadcaster, writer and campaigner for racial justice.

Allan Ball 1943 - Footy bloke.

Colin Bell 1946 - Footy bloke.

Colin Telfer 1947 - Rugby guy.

Sandra Goodrich 1947 - Who? Better known as Sandie Shaw. Time for another clip; here’s (There's) Always Something There To Remind Me.

Emma Kirkby 1949 - Rerr chanter. Time for a bit of culture. Here she sings If God be for us.

Jaz Coleman 1960 - Musician. Killing Joke frontman. Have another clip. Here’s Eighties.

Fay Ripley 1966 - Actress. Jenny Gifford in Cold Feet.

Wasim Khan 1971 - Crickety bloke.

Oliver Wakeman 1972 - Musician. Rick’s lad. Here’s a small sample of his work, Overture from Jabberwocky.  Dad is the narrator you hear at the beginning.

Jonny Quinn 1972 - Drummy bloke with Snow Patrol. Have a clip. Here’s You're All I Have.

Robin Jones 1973 - Another drummy bloke. He was in The Beta Band. A clip? Why not. Here’s Assessment.

Michelle Hardwick 1976 - Actress. Vanessa Woodfield in Emmerdale.

Shane Williams 1977 - Chwaraewr rygbi.

Craig Easton 1979 - Fitba guy.

Corinne Bailey Rae 1979 - Singer songwriter. Here’s her biggest hit, Put Your Records On... (in widescreen)

Georgia Taylor 1980 - Actress. Toyah Battersby in Coronation Street.

Michael Stewart 1981 - Fitba guy.

Danny Mac 1988 - Actor. Mark ‘Dodger’ Savage in Hollyoaks.

Charley Webb 1988 - Actress. Debbie Dingle/Jones/Barton in Emmerdale.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Jaz Grambleman,

I enjoyed hearing your band, Killing Joke, again. I know you released a number of singles, but they rarely entered the top level of the charts. Your highest placed song, Love Like Blood, topped out at number 16, I believe. What was your next best performing song?

Yours inquisitively,

Lou Scannon.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did The Grambler’s predictions fare last time? Not very well at all. 40 pees back from our £2.20 bet. What happened? Read on.

Blackburn vs Millwall - Home win

Result - Postponed

Derby vs Peterborough - Home win

Result - Derby 1 Peterborough 0

Yay!

Patience finally paid off for the dominant Rams as Louie Sibley fired a shot into the bottom corner from the edge of the penalty area in the second minute of added time.

Posh had Hayden Coulson sent off 10 minutes before the break after the left-back picked up two bookings in just four minutes, but the hosts then lost skipper Tom Lawrence to a straight red card two minutes after the break when his leading arm struck Nathan Thompson.

 

Preston vs Reading - Home win

Result - Preston 2 Reading 3

Boo!

Portuguese striker Joao stunned Preston by putting the visitors 2-0 up inside the opening 20 minutes.

John Swift extended the Royals' advantage early in the second half, only for Daniel Johnson to cut the deficit immediately.

Cameron Archer made it 3-2 with his third goal in four games but Reading clung on to secure the points.

 

QPR vs Hull - Home win - 5/6

Result - QPR 1 Hull 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Marcus Forss put the Tigers ahead with a shot that went in off the bar.

The game was held up for 15 minutes when Hull goalkeeper Matt Ingram was stretchered off, and Ilias Chair levelled soon afterwards for the R's.

But Ingram's replacement, teenager Harvey Cartwright, did enough to secure a point for the visitors.

 

Stoke vs Birmingham - Home win

Result - Stoke 2 Birmingham 2

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Jordan James put Blues ahead on 12 minutes before Tyrese Campbell levelled on 25 minutes for the Potters.

Campbell then put Stoke ahead on 52 minutes, only for Gary Gardner to level it up again just six minutes later.

 

Oh dear. What can The Grambler conjure up for us this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Barnsley vs Middlesbrough - Away win - 17/20

Morecambe vs Ipswich - Away win - 19/20

Plymouth vs Rotherhama - Away win - 19/20

Crawley vs Forest Green - Away win - 10/11

Alloa vs Cove Rangers - Away win - 4/5

 

The bets have been placed - Ten 22 pee doubles plus a single 22 pee accumulator. Don’t ask me why the bet could only be accepted as 22 pees; ask Bet Free six foiv. Any road up, if the results go as predicted by The Grambler... if the matches even get played... the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£13.02

Oh dear. That really is whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in 1984 in Buenos Aires. I began and ended my senior career at Boca Juniors. I played for English clubs West Ham, Manchester United and Manchester City. I played 517 games during my club career, scoring 227 goals. I was capped 76 times for my country. As a child I was accidentally seared with boiling water which resulted in a burn scar running from my right ear down to my chest.

Answer - Carlos Tevez

2. Which Premier League side was originally called St. Luke’s F.C.?

Answer - Wolverhampton Wanderers

3. Which club features a male red deer on its crest?

Answer - Watford [It looks more like a moose to me. - Ed.]

4. What is Anatoliy Puzach’s unique claim to fame?

Answer - He was the first player in history to come on to the pitch as a substitute in a World Cup game.

5. Which player was known by the name Tulipano Nero (Black Tulip)?

Answer - Ruud Gullitt

Shall we have five for this week? Yes, I think we shall.

1. Who am I?

I was born in 1961 in Hexham, Northumberland. I began my senior career at Carlisle United before a move to Canada. I returned to the UK to begin the first of two spells at Newcastle United during which I played 276 games and scored 108 goals. I also played for Liverpool, Everton, Bolton Wanderers, Manchester City and Fulham. I was capped 59 times for England.

2. What feat is shared by Burnley, Portsmouth, Preston North End, Sheffield United and Wolverhampton Wanderers?

3. Why are Southampton F.C. known as The Saints?

4. Which Italian footballer has been capped the most times?

5. Who was the oldest player to be capped for England?

There you have it; five teasers to test you. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount raised is a little out of date, though. Check the Justgiving page link given at the beginning of this blog to see the current figure.

 

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mrs F. Craddock...sort of. A favourite joke of mine concerns this lady. In the 1950s and 1960s TV chefs were a rarity, unlike today where every spare inch of TV scheduling seems to have cookery programmes crammed into it... if there aren’t any antiques programmes available. Any road up, back in those days, as I say, TV chefs were few and far between... Philip Harbin, Zena Skinner and Fanny Craddock were the few that worked in the medium. Mrs Craddock became a star because of her brusque delivery and bullying demeanour; husband, Johnny was also in on what was obviously an act and got ordered about in such a manner that it was a surprise a divorce lawyer never got involved. They often appeared on shows other than cookery programmes to demonstrate Fanny’s cooking skills. Now, I apologise in advance for the story which is about to end this week’s edition of your favourite ill-informed blog; not because of the content, but because I cannot pin it down as being true. I have been told this story (or joke) on so many occasions that I cannot verify its origin or whether it is true. Anyway, let’s just say it as I first heard it many years ago...

Fanny and Johnny were guests on a Scottish teatime show fronted by a chap called Bill Tennent. That’s not especially relevant, but his was the name mentioned as being ‘involved’. On the programme, so the story goes, Fanny had been making doughnuts. As she was finishing her demonstration, the credits were about to roll, so Bill stepped in to wind up the programme with the words (and I don’t believe this is true), ‘Well, thank you to our guests for this evening and let’s hope that your doughnuts turn out like Fanny’s.’

Boom and, it goes without saying, tish.

Doughnuts, but nothing like Fanny's

* Refers to an old Scottish joke:

'Is that a doughnut or a meringue?'

'No, you're right enough, it's a doughnut.' 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday 18 February 2022

Post 439 - The Grambler awards

 Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Story time...

I am a proggie. There I've said it. I like prog music. They can't touch you for it.

Regular readers of the world's greatest ill-informed blog may recall an article I wrote some time ago about Prog magazine's survey to find the greatest prog musician of all time. Do you remember? It was... ooh... must be about two years back. Any road up, they've done another to determine the readership's favourite artists (or is that artistes?) of 2021.

So, guess who was favourite guitarist? None other than my favourite guitarist, Steve Hackett, 72 and still performing Genesis music at a venue near you in 2022. Yay!

Top band was Big Big Train. Who, I hear you ask. It's a band I've only grown to like over the past couple of years. Oh, I thought... or it might have been oho... no, it was definitely oh... they are more popular than I realised.

Top album was Common Ground by... Big Big Train. They really are popular, I thought.

Top singer? David Longdon of... Big Big Train. Wait a minute, they must be really big (Sorry about that.).

The final category of the survey was for Person of 2021. Guess who... Yes, it went to none other than David Longdon. It's that man again. I was beginning to think I had wasted a good few years of my life by not listening to this mega band earlier than I did.

If I could backtrack a little, to the survey conducted two years ago. Do you recall that the recipient of the title of greatest prog musician of all time was a drummer called Neil Peart? Those of you in the know will remember him as one of the three-man prog band Rush.

Those of you who read my article on the matter of that survey might remember that Neil Peart couldn’t pick up his award in person, because he had snuffed it shortly before the survey was conducted.

My thoughts at the time were that, while he was certainly a formidable drummer, he most certainly was not the greatest prog musician of all time. The, I think, undeniable reason for him winning was that his death was still fresh in the minds of those that voted.

I think you know what is coming. David Longdon, the winner of so many of the 2021 awards, died in November, just before the survey was conducted.

Who placed second? None other that top axeman Steve Hackett.

I think a little tweak of the categories is required...

Ladeez and Genullum, Steve Hackett wins the title of Person (who is still alive) of 2021.  Yay!

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we?

Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 19th of February? Of course there were. Here are some that even I know.

David Garrick 1717 - Ector.

Cedric Hardwicke 1893 - Ector. Pharaoh Sethi in The Ten Commandments.

Jack Haworth 1896 - Actor. Albert Tatlock in Coronation Street. Have a clip. Here’s The Skids with TV Stars.

 

Al bert Tat lock!

Merle Oberon 1911 - Actress. Anne Boleyn in The Private Life of Henry VIII.

Dick Emery 1915 - Comedian. Very popular in the 1960s, he was.

Mike Sammes 1928 - Singer and leader of the singing combo, The Mike Sammes Singers. [How original. - Ed.] They had just one record in the charts, Somewhere My Love.

Gerald Sinstadt 1930 - Footy commentator.

Pat Crerand 1939 - Fitba guy.

Erin Pizzey 1939 - Activist against domestic abuse.

Gwen Taylor 1939 - Actress. Peggy Armstrong in Heartbeat.

Phil Coulter 1942 - Musician, songwriter and producer. As a songwriter he and lyricist Bill Martin penned four Number One hits in the UK - Puppet on a String, Congratulations, Forever and Ever and, as this is a footy blog (of sorts), this one, Back Home.

Jon Whiteley 1945 - Actor. I say actor, he only appeared in five films when he was just a kid, but one of them, The Kidnappers, was a favourite of mine when I was a nipper. The plot revolves around two young brothers, Harry and Davy, staying with their grandfather who ‘find’ a baby and decide to look after him. Even as a youngster, I enjoyed comedy and liked the funny moments...

‘What are we going to call him, Harry?’

‘I’m going to call him Edward.’

‘Oh... I wanted to call him Rover.’

Glyn Matthias 1945 - Broadcasting journalist.

Tony Iommi 1948 - Guitarist and mainstay of Black Sabbath, but did you know he was once very, very briefly a member of Jethro Tull. Oh yes. And here is the evidence... Who’s the cat in the white hat on this famous recording of Song for Jeffrey?

Simon Jeffes 1949 - Musician. You may not know his name, but you may know his most famous creation, Still Life at the Penguin Cafe. No? Here’s a clip to help you, Music for a Found Harmonium.

Eddie Hardin 1949 - Musician. Took on the Steve Winwood role in The Spencer Davis Group MkII. Here’s a tune for you oldies out there... Ma..a...a...agpie.

Andy Powell 1950 - Musician. Mainstay of Wishbone Ash. Here’s a wee medley from their early days, Blind Eye/Lady Whiskey.

Eric Knowles 1953 - Antiques expert. He’s on all those antiques programmes the Beeb keeps churning out.

Dave Wakeling 1956 - Musician. Main man of The Beat. They were known as The British Beat in the US of A, because they already had a band called The Beat. Excuse me? The Beat was an English ska band formed in 1978. The Yankee version wasn’t formed until 1979. So don’t go calling them The British Beat, Uncle Sam. No. Call your lot The American Beat! Anyway, here’s The Beat’s biggest UK hit, Can't Get Used To Losing You. Incidentally, that didn’t even chart in the US. Maybe they took exception to somebody daring to reggaefy (I think I just made that word up) Andy Williams.

Ray Winstone 1957 - ’E’s an ector, in he? ’E’s known for being a professional Cockney, in he? Although he now delegates some of his duties to Danny Dyer.

Helen Fielding 1958 - Orfer. Bridget Jones is her most famous creation.

Lesley Ash 1960 - Actress. Steph in Quadrophenia.

Prince Andrew, Duke of York 1960 - The well-known no... [Stop right there! - Ed.] I was going to say nobility personage.

Justin Fashanu 1961 - Footy bloke.

Henry Samuel aka Seal 1963 - Singer songwriter. Have a clip. Here’s Prayer for the Dying.

Malky Mackay 1972 - Fitba guy.

Lisa Faulkner 1972 - Actress and celebrity chef.

Barry Smith 1974 - Fitba guy.

Andrew Buchan 1979 - Actor. Mark Latimer in Broadchurch.

Mo Gilligan 1988 - Comedian.

Sone Aluko 1989 - Footy bloke.

Luke Pasqualino 1990 - Actor. Freddie in Skins.

Luke Newberry 1990 - Actor. Monty Blackett in The Singapore Grip.

Jason Holt 1993 - Fitba guy.

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Dave Grambling,

It was wonderful to hear a song by your ska band The Beat with you singing and Grambling Roger doing the talkie bits. I know you had a few hits way back. What was your first top ten single?

Yours earnestly,

T. S. Ovva-Klown.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did The Grambler’s predictions fare last time? I’ll tell you later. What happened? Read on.

Blackpool vs Bournemouth - Away win

Result - Blackpool 1 Bournemouth 2

Yay!

Siriki Dembele scored a last-gasp winner for Bournemouth, who came from behind to win with two late goals at Blackpool.

Josh Bowler's superb strike gave Blackpool the lead, after striker Dominic Solanke's penalty was saved by home keeper Daniel Grimshaw.

Bournemouth equalised with four minutes remaining when Todd Cantwell's ball into the box was deflected towards Jamal Lowe, who fired home.

And in the final moments Dembele picked the ball up on the right [Surely, that’s rugby. - Ed.]... ahem... before fizzing a low shot past Grimshaw.

 

Hull vs Fulham - Away win

Result - Hull 0 Fulham 1

Yay!

Aleksandar Mitrovic scored his 31st league goal of the season as Fulham got a narrow win at Hull City.

The away side had the better of the play in the first half but it was the hosts who should have taken the lead when Marcus Forss shot wide after getting in on goal following a mix-up in the Whites defence.

Mitrovic headed home a cross from Neco Williams to put Marco Silva's men in front.

Hull stayed in it but never really looked like getting an equaliser.

 

Reading vs Coventry - Away win

Result - Reading 2 Coventry 3

Yay!

Lucas Joao headed the hosts in front, with Sky Blues captain Dominic Hyam equalising from close range on the stroke of half-time.

Michael Rose then put Coventry ahead from a corner, only for Andy Yiadom to level through the same method before his team-mate Junior Hoilett was sent off.

Ian Maatsen's deflected effort sealed the away side's win

Cowdenbeath vs Forfar - Away win - 7/10

Result - Void

Eh?

I’m not sure why, but this match did not take place. Woo hoo, 20 pees back.

Queen of the South vs Arbroath - Away win

Result?

For some odd reason, The Grambler has gone against his/her/its rules and selected a game from a date other than the Saturday of the blog’s issue. Naughty Grambler. This match is due to take place on Saturday the 19th of February. As things stand, I could cash in the bet beforehand and win £4.14... It is very tempting. As the weather forecast for the weekend is snow, it is possible that the game will be cancelled. What a dilemma.

Anyway, The Grambler has treated us to five random predictions for this week (definitely the 19th of February). What has he/she/it come up with?

Game - Result - Odds

Blackburn vs Millwall - Home win - 19/20

Derby vs Peterborough - Home win - 19/20

Preston vs Reading - Home win - 8/11

QPR vs Hull - Home win - 5/6

Stoke vs Birmingham - Home win - 4/5

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler... if the matches even get played... the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£11.62

Too whopping by half.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in St. Asaph, boyo, in 1961. I began my senior career at Chester in 1978. I moved to Liverpool in 1980, the first of two spells there. In total, I played 469 games for The Reds, scoring 389 goals. I was capped 73 times for Wales.

Answer - Ian Rush

2. Which manager has been in charge of the most games in the English and Scottish leagues?

Answer - Alec Ferguson with a total of 2155

3. How many major European titles have Manchester City won?

Answer - One - European Cup Winners Cup in 1970

4. What statistic is shared by Queen’s Park, Birmingham City, Crystal Palace and Watford?

Answer - They have all played and lost two F.A. Cup Finals.

5. Which Spanish player has been capped more than any other?

Answer - Sergio Ramos with 180 ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY!

Shall we have five for this week? I think we shall.

1. Who am I?

I was born in 1984 in Buenos Aires. I began and ended my senior career at Boca Juniors. I played for English clubs West Ham, Manchester United and Manchester City. I played 517 games during my club career, scoring 227 goals. I was capped 76 times for my country. As a child I was accidentally seared with boiling water which resulted in a burn scar running from my right ear down to my chest.

2. Which Premier League side was originally called St. Luke’s F.C.?

3. Which club features a male red deer on its crest?

4. What is Anatoliy Puzach’s unique claim to fame?

5. Which player was known by the name Tulipano Nero (Black Tulip)? [Ooh... Black Tulip... So scary. And, yes, I am being sarcastic. - Ed.]

There you have it; five teasers to test you. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount raised is a little out of date, though. Check the Justgiving page link given at the beginning of this blog to see the current figure.

 

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. R. Emery who is included in this week’s birthday honours and provides us with our final item this week. Emery was one of Britain’s most popular entertainers in the 1960s and 1970s. He made 19 series of The Dick Emery Show for the Beeb between 1963 and 1981. His comedy shows featured him playing various characters such as Mandy (You are awful, but I like you.), Old Lampkin, Ton-up boy, Traffic warden, Hettie, Bovver boy (I got it wrong again, Dad. Incidentally, ‘Dad’ was played by Roy Kinnear, almost 20 years Emery’s junior.), Clarence (Hello, honky tonks.), Sporting gent, College and Vicar. So, ladeez and genullum, sit back and enjoy some examples of 1970s’ humour. Warning: It is neither woke nor PC.


 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday 12 February 2022

Post 438 - Grambling at the Winter Olympics

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Story time...

Have you been watching the Winter Olympics? I've caught a few moments.

I do pity the team that the Beeb has gathered together to provide commentary. To the BBC anything to do with winter sports is pretty much alien. Apart from one programme tucked away on BBC2 at a Sunday teatime for a few weeks in the winter, the bigwigs at the BBC basically ignore any sports which take place on ice and snow.

So the winter Olympics, while being the biggest world event for winter sports, is a bit of an unknown quantity to the BBC commentary team...

'Right then... Next. And who are you?'

'Steve Cram, like.'

'Ah yes. World famous Geordie middle-distance runner. Let's see now... you've only commentated on athletics events. Is that right?'

'Why aye, man.'

'Hmm. What do you know about curling.'

'Not a lot, like. Me mam used to have a set of coorling tongs, like.'

'No no... curling... the sport.'

'Ohh. That kind of coorling. Is it not a bit like the bools, like?'

'I suppose so. Do you know anything about bools... I mean bowls?'

'Nah. Not really. I used to watch me granda playing when I were a bairn, like. But that's ahll.'

'Really?'

'Aye, man. He were right canny.'

'Excellent. Steve, you're on curling.'

'Aye, that'll be grand, like.'

Apart from the coorling... sorry, curling... most of the sports are utterly bonkers. Have you ever watched the biathlon? Who came up with that concept? You do a bit of cross country skiing, then you stop occasionally and fire a rifle at a target. Very clever, but a strange concept to combine two such contrasting disciplines.

Then there are those sports which involve a person travelling at breakneck speeds. So, not only do you see the sports elite performing brilliantly, you have the bonus of possibly seeing someone being seriously injured.

Some of the sports seem to have been dreamed up by nutters to be undertaken by individuals who are equally nutty.

I wonder how these sports first came to be recognised. Let's be honest, you'd have to be something of a loony to take part in some of them.

The ski jump is one that always intrigues me. No, intrigues is the wrong word. I meant terrifies. Yes, it is wonderful to watch but who came up with that idea?

'You want me to ski down a 45 degree ice hill?'

'Yep.'

'Without any ski poles?'

'Yep.'

'Then what?'

'There is a ramp at the end which completely changes your direction.'

'You what?'

'Yes. Instead of going down, you will suddenly be going up.'

'Oh, I see. I just come to a halt on this ramp.'

'No. Its a very short ramp. You will come off the end and be literally flying. Wherever you hit the ground will be measured and that would determine the places. The competitor who jumps the furthest wins. You might be travelling at a hundred kilometres per hour and fly for over a hundred metres.'

'Let me get this straight. I come down the ramp at a crazy rate of knots, I don’t have any ski poles, but I go flying in the air, finally hitting the ground some time later, possibly in a heap, probably dead.'

'That's right.'

'F*** off!'

Or what about the luge?

'Have you ever been sledging?'

'Of course. '

'Good. Here's a sport you'd be perfect for. It's called the luge. You've seen the bobsleigh run?'

'Yes.'

'Well, it would be like that; only, you would be on your own, coming down the run at speeds like one hundred kilometres per hour. '

'Wow! A one man bobsleigh.'

'No. Not quite. You would be on a small sledge like contraption.'

'How small?'

'You know those little plastic sledges you get for little children?'

'Surely not that size?'

'Oh no.'

'Thank goodness for that. '

'It would be a lot smaller. '

'You must be joking!'

'And you would be lying on your back.'

'You what?'

'Feet first.'

'So, I would coming down the run at speeds of 100k, on a tea tray, lying on my back and not being able to see where I'm going?'

'That's about the size of it. What do you reckon?'

'You're bonkers in the nut!  There are easier ways to commit suicide, you know.'

Yes, like freestyle snowboarding. That really is bonkers.


 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we?

Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 12th of February? Of course there were. Here are some that even I know.

Thomas Newcomen 1663 - Inventor.

Charles Darwin 1809 - Naturalist. [What, he went about with no clothes on? - Ed.]

Robert Boothby 1900 - Politician.

Ernest Clark 1912 - Actor. Professor Loftus in Doctor in the House and its many spinoffs.

Eric Barker 1912 - Actor. Oliver Coombs in Compact. There’s an oldie for you.

Paul Hamlyn 1926 - Publisher.

Annette Crosbie 1934 - Actress. Margaret Meldrew in One Foot in the Grave.

Ralph Bates 1940 - Actor. John Lacey in Dear John.

Norman Josiffe aka Norman Scott 1940 - Model. Aye, right.

Norma Major 1942 - John’s missus.

Gareth Thomas 1945 - Actor. Roj Blake in Blake’s 7.

Alex Totten 1946 - Fitba guy.

Nicholas Soames 1948 - Politician.

Steve Hackett 1950 - Musician. Let’s have a bit of Spectral Mornings followed by Clocks.  

Simon MacCorkindale 1952 - Actor. Harry Harper in Casualty and all its spinoffs.

Brian Robertson 1956 - Musician. Here he is during his time with Thin Lizzy with Jailbreak.  [Daft lyrics. Tonight there’s going to be a jailbreak, somewhere in this town? That’ll be the jail, then. - Ed.]

Michael Fenton Stevens 1958 - Actor. Simon Swann in Ballot Monkeys.

Hermione Norris 1967 - Actress. Karen Marsden in Cold Feet.

Steve Backley 1969 - Stick thrower.

Naseem Hamed 1974 - Boxy bloke.

Jenni Falconer 1976 - Presenter.

Gethin Jones 1978 - Presenter.

Paul Anderson 1978 - Actor. Arthur Shelby Jr. in Peaky Blinders.

Jennie McAlpine 1984 - Actress. Fizz in Coronation Street.

Joe Gill 1994 - Actor. Finn Barton in Emmerdale.

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Steve Gramblett,

Marvellous to hear those two wonderful tracks from your Spectral Mornings album. I remember that you were in a number of bands as well as performing solo. I recall Genesis, GTR and your collaboration with Chris Squire from Yes which was called Squackett. I, at one time, had a copy of the Squackett album A Life Within a Day. Was there ever a single taken from it?

Yours in expectation,

C. O'Smiles.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did The Grambler’s predictions fare last time? Not very well, I’m sorry to say. We won some money. 78 pees from a £2.20 bet isn’t very good, though. What happened? Read on.

 

 

 

Charlton vs Wimbledon - Home win

Result - Charlton 3 Wimbledon 2

Yay!

Ethan ‘Chippy’ Chislett opened the scoring when he finished from 10 yards after Charlton goalkeeper Craig MacGillivray dropped the ball after coming off his line to try and claim Will Nightingale's header.

Charlton equalised in the 18th minute. Ryan Inniss made a near post run to meet Albie Morgan's corner - with Wimbledon midfielder Anthony Hartigan appearing to get the final touch on the goal-line.

Conor Washington put the hosts in front after 31 minutes. A superb pass by substitute Diallang Jaiyesimi sent the Northern Ireland international through on goal and he confidently finished past Nik Tzanev.

But Wimbledon responded within five minutes, again from a Hartigan free-kick, as Ben Heneghan produced a diving header across MacGillivray.

The visitors looked vulnerable from corners all afternoon and Akin Famewo powered in Morgan's delivery on the hour mark to give Charlton the win.

 

MK Dons vs Lincoln - Home win

Result - MK Dons 2 Lincoln 1

Yay!

John Marquis had opened the scoring for Michael Appleton's side with his third goal in as many games, but Dons defenders Harry ‘Wendy’ Darling and Warren O'Hora both found the net either side of half-time as the Dons snatched victory.

Lincoln took an early lead when Anthony ‘Hugh’ Scully's cross found John ‘Mary’ Marquis unmarked inside the hosts' six-yard box.

Lincoln drew level five minutes before the break when Imps keeper Josh Griffiths parried Theo ‘Jeremy’ Corbeanu's shot, only for Darling to rise highest and nod in the rebound for his fifth goal of the season.

The hosts turned the game on its head immediately after the restart through the unlikely Warren O'Hora, who found the net with an emphatic close-range.

 

Shrewsbury vs Fleetwood - Home win

Result - Shrewsbury 1 Fleetwood 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Ryan Bowman went close early on for the hosts when his low drive was superbly saved by Fleetwood goalkeeper Alex Cairns.

Fleetwood struck in the 21st minute when Callum Johnson's sweet cross was headed home confidently by an unmarked Anthony Pilkington.

Pilkington threatened again 10 minutes later when his shot was deflected narrowly off target.

Just before the break Shrews defender Matthew Pennington almost put through his own net when trying to clear Andrew's whipped-in cross.

The Shrews levelled from the penalty spot three minutes after the restart.

Luke Leahy slotted home after Zak Jules had clumsily bundled over Dan Udoh.

Midway through the second period Pilkington fired an arrowing low strike just wide of the target.

Orient vs Colchester - Home win

Result - Orient 0 Colchester 1

Boo!

Freddie Sears' early goal earned Colchester a 1-0 win at Leyton Orient.

The goal came in the fourth minute, straight after U's goalkeeper Sam Hornby had punched clear a powerful header from Orient striker Aaron Drinan.

The ball was eventually played out to Corie Andrews, who crossed into the penalty area where Sears fired an unstoppable volley into the net.

Orient posed little threat, but the visitors did look dangerous through the pace of Junior Tchamadeu and Andrews.

Sears had a fine opportunity to double the lead shortly before the break but his shot was blocked by the outstretched leg of goalkeeper Lawrence Vigouroux.

The visitors continued to control affairs after the break, although the hots spurned a great opportunity to level in the 68th minute when Matt Young picked out Drinan with a through ball but Hornby raced out and spread his body to block the striker's effort.

Colchester were good value, though, and only superb saves by Vigouroux to deny Owura Edwards and then Brendan Wiredu prevented them from extending their advantage.

 

Hibs vs St Mirren - Home win

Result - Hibs 0 St Mirren 1

Boowoowoo!

Connor Ronan capitalised on some slack play from Jake Doyle-Hayes to blast past Kevin Dabrowski. That’s it.

 

Okay, that was a poor result for us. Can The Grambler redeem his/her/itself this week? [I wouldn’t bank on it. Notice I said bank and not bet. A few 20p bets isn’t excessive. I still wouldn’t bank on it, though. - Ed.]

Game - Result - Odds

Blackpool vs Bournemouth - Away win - 10/11

Hull vs Fulham - Away win - 4/7

Reading vs Coventry - Away win - 17/20

Queen of the South vs Arbroath - Away win - 19/20

Cowdenbeath vs Forfar - Away win - 7/10

Uh oh, The Grambler’s predicting all away wins this week. It can only end in tears. Any road up, the bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£10.02

Oh dear. That is decidedly unwhopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set in the last edition? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Lanarkshire in 1922. During my playing career, I played over 200 games for Albion Rovers and 100 games for Celtic. I am better known for my career as a manager; I managed Celtic for 13 years and Scotland for seven.

Answer - Jock Stein

2. Which manager has won the F.A. Cup the most times?

Answer - Arsene Wenger (seven times)

3. Who was the youngest manager to win the Premier League Title?

Answer - Jose Mourinho (42 when he guided Chelsea to the top)

4. Who was the only African to win Chelsea’s Player of the Year Award?

Answer - Michael Essien

5. In what country was Raheem Stirling born?

Answer - Jamaica

How did you fare? Too easy? Let’s have some for this week.

1. Who am I?

I was born in St. Asaph, boyo, in 1961. I began my senior career at Chester in 1978. I moved to Liverpool in 1980, the first of two spells there. In total, I played 469 games for The Reds, scoring 389 goals. I was capped 73 times for Wales.

2. Which manager has been in charge of the most games in the English and Scottish leagues?

3. How many major European titles have Manchester City won?

4. What statistic is shared by Queen’s Park, Birmingham City, Crystal Palace and Watford?

5. Which Spanish player has been capped more than any other?

There you have it; five teasers to test you. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount raised is a little out of date, though. Check the Justgiving page link given at the beginning of this blog to see the current figure.

 

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. M. Edwards who provides us with our finishing clip this week. Who is M. Edwards, I hear you ask. Well, Michael Edwards is better known as Eddie the Eagle. In 1988 he became the first British ski jumper to take part in a Winter Olympics in 60 years. Sadly, he came last but, in the process, he became a hero and a bit of a star, even having a film made of his exploits (Think Cool Runnings with only one bloke as the hero.). So, take it away, Eddie.

 

 

Wheeeeeee!

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.