Friday 25 November 2016

Week 16 - The Grambler on how to end global warming


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

This week’s (g)ramble will put an end to global warming once and for all. And I’m not talking about getting up to go to the toilet during the night having forgotten that you’ve rubbed Vick on your chest type of global warming. I’m talking about polar bears balancing on an ice cube type of global warming. Oh yes, I have the answer [You bloody would have. - Ed.].

The other week I happened to be in our local shopping centre, trying to find a shop that wasn’t boarded up, when a young man, well, teenager, thrust a leaflet into my hand. Perhaps it was a money-off voucher, or a flyer for a shop opening in one of the many vacant units. But no. There, on the front of the pamphlet, were the words ‘Get to know Jesus’. As I threw the leaflet into the nearest bin (which seemed to be filled with these flyers) I thought, what the hell is a fifteen year old kid doing handing these things out on a Sunday afternoon when he should be with his pals drinking Buckfast in a pedestrian underpass somewhere.

Later in the same week, I was collared by two teenage girls, one of whom (an American) asked me what made me happy. I replied that I enjoyed spending time with my family, I liked a good comedy show or film and I was always amused by the sight of a toothless person chewing a toffee. She then informed me, though I hadn’t asked, that she was happy to know that when she died she would be reunited with her family and Jesus. She then asked if I would like to talk about this. As I made my excuses to get away from these two strange young women, I noticed that each was wearing a name badge with their first name prefixed by the word ‘Sister’. I didn’t take any note of their actual names - they could have been Sledge or Matic for all I cared - I just wanted to get away from these two.

What has all this got to do with ending global warming, I hear you ask. Well, these encounters reminded me of a former meeting with a Bible-wielding nutte... person. I had had a tough morning on this particular day; maybe I had run out of milk for my breakfast cereal, I can’t recall. I just know that when I answered the door to a fellow tapping his Bible with the words ‘The world is in a terrible state, isn’t it’ I was not in any mood to discuss religion. ‘It is,’ I agreed, ‘but it’s not going to improve by talking to some beardy old man in the sky.’

‘And what would you suggest we do to improve it?’ he asked.

‘Do you want to know what I think? I think us humans should f*** off and leave the rest of the animals to live on this planet in peace!’

‘Er... That is... um... an interesting point of... er... um... goodbye.’

And that is how to end global warming... and get rid of people who knock on your door wanting to talk about Jesus.

Another thing you shouldn’t do lads is go to the toilet when you’re in the middle of cutting up chillies. [Ooh! Nasty. - Ed.]

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

I might have known. The very week I wish East Kilbride all the best and hope that their winning streak progresses, they lose their first game in yonks. Boo! Last Saturday they lost 1 nil to Spartans. This weekend they are away to Stranraer in the Scottish Cup. The bookies have odds of 9/2 for EK to win. Hmm... might be worth a wee flutter (there’s no law against, but don’t do it in view of the neighbours). Come on the Kilby!

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 26th of November? I think there might have been a few. Charles Forte 1908 (Greasy spoon caff owner.), Cyril Cusack 1910 (Ectaw. Like Richard Hearne, he was offered the role of Doctor Who back in the sixties.), Charles M. Shulz 1922 (Creator of ‘Peanuts’ cartoon strip. His favourite? That was the one where the kids are looking at the clouds and Linus says 'See that one cloud over there? It sort of looks like the profile of Thomas Eakins, the famous portrait painter. And that other group over there - that looks as though it could be a map of British Honduras. And then do you see that large group of clouds up there? I see the stoning of Stephen. Over to the side I can see the figure of the apostle Paul standing'. Then Lucy says, 'That's very good, Linus. It shows you have quite a good imagination. What do you see in the clouds , Charlie Brown?' And Charlie says, 'Well I was going to say I saw a ducky and a horsey but I've changed my mind.’), Robert Goulet 1933 (Zoe Ball’s dad.), Rich Little 1938 (Impressionist. Dubbed the voice of David Niven in 1983’s The Curse of the Pink Panther.), Anna Mae Bullock 1939 (Who? Of course you all know her as Tina Turner. Or ‘her with the legs’ as Arthur would have it. How about a clip? Here’s something from way back... All together now...  Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah...   That Ike looks a bad un. You want to watch him, Tina), John McVie 1945 (The ‘Mac’ in Fleetwood Mac. Another clip? Go on then... All together now...  Need someone's hand... John’s the one with the Fu Manchu moustache.), Hilary Benn 1953 (Tony’s lad. They must’ve wanted a girl. Imagine saddling a boy with a name like that.) and Natasha Bedingfield 1981 (Singer who obviously likes camping.)

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did we do last week? 90 pees? Is that all we won? That’s sh... ameful. Let’s see a rundown of how the games went. Read on...

QPR vs Norwich - Prediction Away win

Result - QPR 2 Norwich 1

Boo!

Canaries left-back Martin Olsson saw red in the second minute for handling on the goalline but Tjaronn Chery sent the subsequent penalty wide.

Conor Washington gave the QPR the lead midway through the first half and Sebastian Polter added a second.

Steven Naismith pulled a goal back to set up a tense finale but the visitors slipped to a fourth consecutive defeat.

 

Reading vs Burton - Prediction Home win

Result - Reading 3 Burton 0

Yay!

Dominic Samuel scored the opener midway through the first half, diverting a Roy Beerens shot home from close range.

The home side's lead was doubled a few minutes later when Danny Williams arrived at the far post to connect with a pinpoint cross from Jordan Obita.

A late own goal from John Brayford completed a poor afternoon for Burton.

 

Bristol Rovers vs MK Dons - Prediction Home win

Result - Bristol Rovers 0 MK Dons 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

A brilliant late save from David Martin helped managerless MK Dons take a point from a goalless League One game at Bristol Rovers.

The goalkeeper dived low to his right in the 88th minute to keep out a header from Jermaine Easter, which took a deflection and looked bound for the bottom corner.

 

Walsall vs Gillingham - Prediction Home win

Result - Walsall 1 Gillingham 2

Boo!

Gillingham went ahead in just the second minute, Cody McDonald looping home a close-range header after Walsall's defence made a mess of clearing Bradley Dack's low cross.

Walsall profited from similarly poor Gills defending to level on nine minutes, Jason McCarthy charging down Baily Cargill's clearance before sliding a cool finish between goalkeeper Stuart Nelson's legs.

Gillingham snatched the points on 84 minutes as Jay Emmanuel-Thomas drilled in a low 20-yard free-kick that took a nick off unwitting centre-half Max Ehmer.

 

Leyton Orient vs Blackpool - Prediction Away win

Result - Orient 1 Blackpool 2

Yay!

Jamille Matt broke the deadlock on the half hour when he bundled Orient defender Yvan ‘Mr Bean’ Erichot off the ball, advanced towards goal down the left, then drilled his shot past goalkeeper Alex Cisak at the near post.

Blackpool doubled their lead on 58 minutes when defender Tom Aldred was left completely unmarked to head in a corner.

The home side looked dispirited until Paul McCallum's looping header with two minutes left offered them a lifeline, but the visitors were able to contain a late rally.

 

Well that was last week, what has The Grambler come up with this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Aston Villa vs Cardiff - Prediction Home win - 5/6

Preston North End vs Burton Albion - Prediction Home win - 23/20

Chesterfield vs Bristol Rovers - Prediction Away win - 21/20

Doncaster Rovers vs Leyton Orient - Prediction Home win - 17/20

Morecambe vs Plymouth Argyle - Prediction Away win - 4/5

 

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£10.87

Reasonably whopping, I think.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which football manager had the longrest uninterrupted spell in charge of the Scotland. It was none other than Hen, Joe, Maggie, Daphne and Horace’s dad Craig Brown who lasted almost eight years in the job between November 1993 and October 2001.

How about a wee teaser for this week? As there have been Champions League games week, I thought a European Cup question might be in keeping. Which Scottish side was one of the losing semi-finalists in the very first European Cup back in 1956? One to ask them down the pub.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign



…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, anyone who has ever supported a reasonably well-known football team will be aware that something every club does rather well is find ever-more inventive ways to extract money from the fans. You can get home tops, away tops, vintage tops, scarves, hats, coats, gloves, even underwear. This Christmas all the English Premiershit clubs have another way to make the ardent supporter part with his or her cash - the club Christmas jumper. Yes, be the envy of absolutely no-one this year by sporting a wacky Christmas jumper in your own team’s colours. Most of the knitwear on offer seems to have been produced by a single supplier which has taken a basic design - a jumper that has pretend buttons and a belt to make it look like an elf type jacket - in each club’s particular colours. Some are a bit more original in thought. It is nice to see that it is the less flamboyant clubs have the best designs. The Daily Mirror even conducted its own little survey. And the winner is...

 



Sunderland! Yay! They may struggle in the Premiershit season after season but they are top of the league in the season to be jolly. Do you see what I did there?

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday 18 November 2016

Week 15 - The Grambler and the truth about Adolf Hitler


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

Well, have you all got over the shock of the US presidential election? Not that the election was a shock. We knew that was coming. We were shocked by the outcome. Nobody expected a megalomaniac with a dodgy haircut who hates just about every other race of people to become the leader of one of the most powerful nations on Earth... Hang on.

What causes somebody to be so hateful and bullying that they will stop at nothing to achieve dominance over everyone. Is it nature? Nurture? Or how about a single incident which polarises their mind to want to eradicate the world of anyone who is, well, different to them.

Come with me, if you will, to a medical officer’s surgery sometime during the First World War...

'Ah, Corporal Hitler. Do come in.'
'Call me Adolf. Everyone does.'
'Is there something wrong?'
'No no. Excuse me for staring, but it is so unusual to see a black doctor.'
'Does that bother you?'
'No no. Quite the opposite. So refreshing to see you getting on in this white man's world, Dr... er...'
'Goldstein.'
'Goldstein! You're Jewish! What a coincidence. I'm a bit Jewish myself, oy vey.'
'Excellent. Now if we can get on with business...'
'Who's that in the picture?'
'Pardon?'
'The photograph on your desk.'
'That's my partner, Sergei.'
'Another doctor!'
'No no. When I say partner, I mean as in life partner...'
'Oh. Sorry. I see. I didn't think...'
'Does that offend you in any way?
'No no no. Not at all. Each to his own. Live and let live, I always say. He's quite a swarthy chap... Not as swarthy as you though. Ha ha!'
'Ha ha. No he is from Romany stock. A gypsy.'
'When the war's over I could get him to sort out my driveway. Ha ha! Sergei, you say?'
'Yes, he's Russian... Are you political at all?'
'No, I don't really bother about politics.'
'Sergei's involved with a revolution in his home country.'
'How do you mean?'
'He and I and thousands of like-minded people are planning to overthrow the monarchy in Russia and create a communist state?'
'A what?'
'A communist state. Where the wealth of the country is shared equally among all the people.'
'What a brilliant idea! Well, good luck to you and Sergei with that. I hope you succeed. Er... What was it you wanted to see me about?'
'Oh yes. Bad news, I'm afraid.'
'About what?'
'The swelling in your groin. I'm sorry to tell you that we can only save one. The other one will have to be removed!'

Boom and indeed, as it were, tish!

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

So Gordon Strachan is to remain as Scotland boss after a pretty hopeless World Cup qualifying campaign. I am sure all Scottish football fans are quite happy that the Scottish FA’s board has seen the sense to retain the national team’s manager. Scotland may not qualify for the World Cup, but the team can (occasionally) play well; it wouldn’t make much sense to bring in someone new at this time. I can only think of one person who might not be so happy about the decision. Who? I can’t name names, but he’s a red-headed fellow, about 5’ 6” tall who makes cheeky comments to press men.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

East Kilbride FC continue to extend their unbeaten run and have (at the time of writing) won 30 games on the trot. Of course, it can’t go on and on, they will eventually face a stronger team, but it certainly looks as if they will gain promotion to the Scottish Second Division (or 4th division in old money) at the end of this season. They already sit top of the catchily named Ferrari Packaging Lowland League, 14 points clear of their nearest rival. And you know what promotion means, don’t you? Yes, they come under the umbrella of games The Grambler would randomly select from. Yay! Let’s hear it for the Kilby.

 
 
.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 19th of November? Let’s have a butchers. Charles I 1600 (Monarch who was cut off in his prime.), James A. Garfield 1831 (Cat that became president of the good ol’ U S of A.), Clifton Webb 1889 (Ectaw. Close friend of Noel Cowerd. Nuff said.), Tommy Dorsey 1905 (The sentimental gentleman of swing. Remember last week’s off-key birthday girl Jo Stafford? Well, here is the Tommy Dorsey orchestra with Stafford on vocals. Quite a difference, eh?), Indira Ghandi 1917 (Woman of the millennium according to a 1999 poll.), Alan Young 1919 (Voice of Scrooge McDuck.), Gene Tierney 1920 (Ectress with a bloke’s name.), William Russell 1924 (Ectaw. Doctor Who’s original companion. [I never knew Doctor Who was that way inclined. - Ed.] Later married Rita in Corrie.), Larry King 1933 (Talk show host.), Dick Cavett 1936 (Talk show host. What are the chances of that happening?), Ray Collins 1937 (A Mother of Invention. Want a clip? Didn’t think you would.), Warren ‘Pete’ Moore 1939 (A Miracle. Time for a clip? All together now.  People say I'm the life of the party...), Dan Haggerty 1941 (So grumpy he was known as Grizzly.), Calvin Klein 1942 (Underpants salesman.), Fred Lipsius 1943 (A Blood, Sweat and/or Tear. Another clip? Fred's in there somewhere.), Dennis Taylor 1949 (Snookery bloke who loves yogurt.), Meg Ryan 1961 (Ectress whose scene in a diner in When Harry Met Sally has been parodied hunners of times. Would you like to see a clip? Well, tough. This is a family blog.), Alicia Christian ‘Jodie’ Foster 1962 (Ectresh. Played Clarish Shtarling in Shilensh of the Lamsh.), Alexis, Brandon, Joel, Kelsey, Kenneth, Natalie and Nathaniel McCaughey 1997 (Septuplets... In case you hadn’t worked that out.).

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. What happened last week? We won. Sort of. We just didn’t win enough to cover the stake money. How much? £1.37. In other words, we lost 83 pees. Do you want a rundown of how the games went? Then, read on...

Bury vs Southend - Prediction Away win

Result - Bury 1 Southend 4

Yay!

Former Newcastle striker Nile Ranger (Isn’t that a cracking name?) claimed a ninth-minute opener before Simon Cox doubled Southend's lead three minutes later.

James Vaughan pulled one back with a 20th-minute penalty, but Ranger secured the first brace of his career after the break before Stephen McLaughlin's superb late strike condemned Bury to their seventh straight league defeat.

 

Oldham vs AFC Wimbledon - Prediction Away win

Result - Oldham 0 AFC Wimbledon 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

The Dons have not lost on their travels since the opening day of the campaign, while Oldham have still managed only one home league win all season.

Both sides created chances in an even first half, with Wimbledon keeper James Shea doing well to deny Billy McKay at his near post.

Wimbledon should have scored on 31 minutes, but Jake Reeves was kept out by ex-Motherwell goalie Connor Ripley's excellent save after breaking clear inside the box.

Oldham threatened again when Ryan McLaughlin crossed to ex-Motherwell striker Lee Erwin, whose downward header was beaten out by Shea.

In the 61st minute, Dons midfielder Dean ‘Sikza’ Parrett fizzed a long-range free-kick inches wide of the post.

Wimbledon's Tom Elliott glanced a header over the top before Shea parried a 25-yard blast by Ollie Banks.

 

Newport vs Carlisle - Prediction Away win

Result - Newport 2 Carlisle 0

Boo!

Josh Sheehan's early strike and a smart finish from Rhys Healey after a second half counter-attack secured the win for Graham Westley's side.

 

Crewe vs Plymouth - Prediction Away win

Result - Crewe 1 Plymouth 2

Yay!

Alex Kiwomya gave Crewe an early lead, and Alex should have been further ahead but George Cooper's penalty was saved after David Fox fouled Jamie Jones, before he hit the bar a minute later.

Craig Tanner levelled just before half time with a curling right-footed shot.
 
 
 
Jimmy Hill comes back from the dead to congratulate Plymouth goal scorer Craig Tanner.

 
Graham Carey sealed the win by shooting home from 10 yards after a good low cross from Jake Jervis.

 

Hartlepool vs Cheltenham - Prediction Away win

Result - Hartlepool 2 Cheltenham 0

Boo!

Lewis Alessandra found space on the left side of the penalty area and his curling effort towards the far post was diverted in by visiting skipper Aaron Downes.

Hartlepool made the game safe after 80 minutes as Alessandra's free-kick was powerfully met by centre-half Matthew Bates.

Oh well, let’s move on and see what the good and powerful Grambler has conjured up for us this week.

Game - Result - Odds

QPR vs Norwich - Prediction Away win - 11/10

Reading vs Burton - Prediction Home win - Evens

Bristol Rovers vs MK Dons - Prediction Home win - 5/4

Walsall vs Gillingham - Prediction Home win - 6/5

Leyton Orient vs Blackpool - Prediction Away win - 5/4

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£18.67

Hmm. Fairly whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which football manager’s last game in charge saw ten goals being scored. It was, of course, Sir Alex Ferguson who watched his team draw five all with West Bromwich Albion. Not the best end to his managerial career but, look on the bright side, it gave us a good teaser.

One for this week? Let’s stick with football managers... an expression few club owners seem to use much. In the light of Gordon Strachan’s vote of confidence from the SFA, let’s stick specifically with Scotland managers. 22 men have held the post since the first appointment back in 1954. Can you name the manager who has had the longest uninterrupted spell in charge? One to start an argument down the pub.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, following on from this week’s (g)ramble, I thought this photograph might intrigue you.

 

 

 

This doll was seen on sale at a market recently. Not quite sure why anyone would dream up such a toy but somebody, somewhere, did. It appears to be a doll of a spectacle-wearing baby, wearing a brown outfit (the brown shirt of the SA?) emblazened with a swastika, giving a Nazi salute. What is this effigy supposed to symbolise? The Hitler Youth? The age at which children were encouraged to join the Nazi party? I reckon it is meant to show us the lengths the medical profession in Nazi Germany would go to in the name of scientific research. How else do you explain it having a left arm where it’s right arm should be?

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday 12 November 2016

Week 14 - An almost Donald Trump-free gramble


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

There was no edition last week. What do you mean, you never noticed? Apparently, my yearly subscription hadn’t been paid so the ‘domain’ thegrambler.com was suspended. Sorry about that. Anyway, all is sorted now (Thanks to Rob for all the help.) and the world’s most ill-informed blog is up and running again.

Well, a lot has been happening while we have been away. Shall we go with the big news story or Mr Trump becoming president of the good ol’ U S of A? No, we’ll go with the big news story.

Polomint City’s own football team East Kilbride FC entering the record books. A world record was achieved by Dutch club Ajax in the early 1970s. At that time, Ajax were the top team in Europe winning the European Cup in three consecutive seasons between 1971 and 1973. During this period in their history they created a record which has stood for over forty years - they won 26 consecutive competitive matches.

A couple of weeks back East Kilbride equalled that record. Yay! Officials from the Dutch club were told of the fact and contacted EK to congratulate the players for equalling the record.

Isn’t that a nice story? As Irish comedian Jimmy Cricket might have said, come ’ere, there’s more.

On Saturday the 5th of November 2016 East Kilbride played BSC Glasgow in the Ferrari Packaging Lowland League. EK won 3-1. Thus, East Kilbride have now won 27 consecutive competitive games. Yes, I know the Ferrari Packaging Lowland League doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as the Dutch Eredivisie, but it is still a world record. Let’s hear it for the Kilby! Huzzah!

Mr Cricket, if you please... Come ’ere, there’s more.

After Saturday’s game, an Ajax-branded van drove onto the pitch. Edwin Van der Sar, who is marketing director for the Dutch club had sent 27 crates of Jupiter beer for the players and staff at the EK club if they beat the Ajax record; one crate for each win. Isn’t that terrific?

 
 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Did any famous or notorious folk come into this world on the 12th of November? It’s quite possible that some did. Auguste Rodin 1840 (Sculptery bloke. Did that Thinker one.), Ben Travers 1886 (Liked a good farce... I said farce.), Jo Stafford 1917 (Didn’t always take herself seriously. As well as being a talented singer with band leaders such as Tommy Dorsey, she also performed with musician and arranger husband Paul Weston as slightly off-key act Jonathan and Darlene Edwards. Here’s a sample. Paris in the Spring . If you let Youtube do its annoying trick of playing another item, it gets followed by a cracking version of Staying Alive.), Jack Ryan 1926 (Who? He was an inventor. Sort of. His most famous creation was a small doll named Barbie. You may have heard of it. Oh... he was also Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband. Number six, I believe.), Bob Holness 1928 (I’d like a P please, Bob. He didn’t play the Saxophone on Baker Street.), Grace Kelly 1929 (Actress/princess. Would you like to hear a song by a favourite act of mine? Here’s Eels with Grace Kelly Blues .), Brian Hyland 1943 (His two hits Sealed with a Kiss and Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie etc. were big hits for nineties superstars Jason Donovan and Timmy Mallett.), Booker T. Jones 1944 (Yes. Him. The MGs man. Time for some Green Onions perhaps?), Neil Young 1945 (Oh, let’s have another link. Possibly old Neil’s most famous toon and this clip shows he has a sense of humour. Ladeez and genullum I give you Heart of Gold .), Valerie Leon 1945 (She just loved the smell of Hai Karate. Here’s another link .), Errol Brown 1948 (Hot Chocolate singer... Want another link? All together now... I believe in miracles .), Les McKeown 1955 (A Bay City Roller. What? Another link? Go on then... We were ripping up .), Nadia Comaneci 1961 (Jumpy, swingy, gymnasty bloke.), Mariella Frostrup 1962 (Presenter who has been voted as having the sexiest voice on TV.), David Schwimmer 1966 (Actor in Friends. He has stated that with everyone looking at him, he was incapable of honing his craft. What? You’re a fn actor! You pretend. That’s all. It’s not a craft! And you got paid over a million dollars per episode! Stop fn moaning!), Tonya Harding 1970 (Skaty bloke.), Ryan Gosling 1980 (Small Canada goose.), Anne Hathaway 1982 (Donny’s lass.) and Carlton Cole 1983 (Posh-sounding footy bloke.).

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. What happened last week? Well, nothing. Obviously. We didn’t have a gramble. The week before that we won 66 pees. In other words, we lost £1.54. Not very good. Can The Grambler make amends this week? [Doubt that very much? - Ed.] What has he/she/it randomly selected for us?

 

Game - Result - Odds

Bury vs Southend - Prediction Away win - 9/4

Oldham vs AFC Wimbledon - Prediction Away win - 31/20

Newport vs Carlisle - Prediction Away win - 21/20

Crewe vs Plymouth - Prediction Away win - 11/10

Hartlepool vs Cheltenham - Prediction Away win - 15/8

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. The Grambler’s predictions seem to have got stuck in away mode. I see trouble ahead. Any road up, the bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£33.56

Oh dear. That’s just a bit too whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Two weeks ago I asked you which goalkeeper set a world league clean sheet record by not conceding a goal for 1311 minutes. The answer? He’s already been mentioned in this very edition of thegrambler.com. It is none other than the generous Mr Edwin Van der Sar who achieved the feat in the 2008-9 season while keeping goal for Manchester United.

One for this week? Let’s head into the territory of football managers. Which football manager watched 10 goals being scored in the last game he took charge of prior to his retirement? Not too difficult, I reckon.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign


…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to Mr T. Hall, Mr N. Staple and Mr L. Golding who provide us with this week’s closing link. I wasn’t going to mention a certain election result, but I felt that I shouldn’t ignore it totally. Ladeez and gennulum, to finish here are Funboy Three with a rather apt toon .

 

 


 

Happy grambling.