Post 483 - Grmblng

 Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…

 

Your letters...

Sir,

I often get my holiday resorts mixed up and confuse Majorca with Menorca, so you can imagine my embarrassment when I was recently telling my friends about my holiday in Menorca and my wife had to point out that we had actually been on holiday in Skegness. She has also suggested that I try drying out for a period.

Yours,

Terry Duckwit.

[Have any other readers been so pissed on holiday that you didn’t know which country you were in? - Ed.]

 

Story time...

Firstly, an update on the last (g)ramble concerning my bus pass. It arrived! Praise be to the lord!

Let’s move on to this week’s edition.

I was reading an article recently that bemoaned the modern linguistic phenomenon of txt spk. Sorry pardon excuse me? Yes the annoying habit that mobile phone users (and a few pop artistes when choosing a stage name) have of dropping their vowels. [Dropping their bowels? Yeurgh! - Ed.] Ahem...

The article went as far as to suggest that in years to come, vowels will no longer be used as they will be considered unnecessary.

I don't agree. Or should I say, dnt gr. There you are, it doesn't work; that was meant to say I don't agree. How, for example would you differentiate between sht, sht, sht or indeed sht, not forgetting sht and sht? Those words were shot, shut, shout, sheet and shoot. [Hang on, there's one missing. - Ed.] Indeed there is. And that word is... yes, you at the back? No, that isn't the word I meant, but I would certainly add it to the list if I could be certain there were no children reading this. No, the word I forgot was, of course, ashet.

It would be impossible to put into practice. What about the single-lettered words a and I? You see? Or should that be y s? Although, see wouldn't be such a problem as you could substitute c. What about you though? [What about me? - Ed.] Ahem... U wouldn't exist so you couldn't substitute it. [What do you mean, I wouldn't exist? Of course I exist. - Ed.]

And what about bt as a word? Is that bat, bet, bit, bot, but, bate, bete, bite, beat, boat, beaut, abet, abut, abate or about? Or -bt for u-boat.

Anyway, before long, letters will be totally forgotten about and replaced by pictographs as the Egyptians used thousands of years ago so there is no need for me to get my knckrs n twst. Srry prdn xcs m?

Yep. No need for letters in the future. We'll all be using emojis to convert our thoughts onto paper/computer/tablet/phone.

Smiley face, pencil, picture of book.

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 22nd of July? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

James Beaumont Neilson 1792 -  Inventor whose hot-blast process greatly increased the efficiency of smelting iron. 

William Spooner 1844 - Oxford don whose name was given to the habit of getting mords wuddled up. He was something of a shining wit, apparently.

James Whale 1889 - Film director.

Bryan Forbes 1926 - Film director and actor. Played the character of Porthill in The League of Gentlemen (The 1961 film.).

 

I keep telling you, I’ve never been to Royston Vasey.

Jimmy Hill 1928 - Footy bloke.

Vivien Merchant 1929 - Actress. Mrs Pinter.

Jeremy Lloyd 1929 - Actor and writer. Mr Lumley... but only between May and September 1970.

Harold Rhodes 1936 - Crickety bloke.

Terence Stamp 1938 - Actor. Billy Budd in Billy Budd.

Gary Myers 1941 - Actor. Who? You may remember him as The Milk Tray Man.

Joyce Williams 1944 - Tennisy bloke.

Rick Davies 1944 - Musician. Vocalist and keyboard man in Supertramp. A clip? I should bl**dy think so. Here’s Bl**dy Well Right.

Nick Brimble 1944 - Actor. Jack Chapman in Grantchester.

Cammy Fraser 1957 - Fitba guy.

Adam Godley 1964 - Actor. Archbishop in The Great.

Bonnie Langford 1964 - Showbiz legend. Mel Bush in Doctor Who.

Rhys Ifans 1967 - Actor and musician. Spike in Notting Hill.

Stephen Mangan 1972 - Actor. Nathan Stern in The Split.

Ross Millard 1982 - Musician. Frontman of The Futureheads. A clip? Why not. Here’s Hounds of Love.

Stewart Downing 1984 - Footy bloke.

Chris Opie 1987 - Bike racey bloke.

Matty James 1991 - Footy bloke.

Prince George of Wales 2013 - The well-known royal sprog. Doesn’t actually live in Wales.

Okay, then. Were there any famous/notorious folk born on the 29th of July. Of course there were and here are some that I recognise.

Jo Grimond 1913 - Politician.

Alexander Gauge 1914 - Actor. Friar Tuck in The Adventures of Robin Hood. Here’s a thing; the intro song goes ‘Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the glen...’ When? I never saw him on a horse.

Ivo Peters 1915 - Railway photographer.

Stella Moray 1923 - Actress. Joan in Maisie Raine.

Peter Baldwin 1933 - Actor. Derek Wilton in Coronation Street.

Hildegarde Neil 1939 - Actress. Cleopatra in Antony and Cleopatra. Here’s a thing: Why is Marc Antony, a Roman, called Marc Antony? Every other male in Roman history has a name ending in ‘us’. Surely, he should be Marcus Antonius. Discuss.

Allan McGraw 1939 - Fitba guy.

Jeremy Paul 1939 - Screenwriter who also co-wrote this famous little tune.  Wrong time of year, admittedly.

David Warner 1941 - Actor. Morgan in Morgan: A Suitable Case for Treatment. 227 credits on IMDb.

David Taylor aka The Silver Fox 1943 - Snookery bloke.

Bill Forsyth 1946 - Film director.

Diane Keen 1946 - Actress. Fliss Hawthorne in The Cuckoo Waltz.

Geoffrey Durham 1949 - Magician. Used to bill himself as The Great Nobendo... sorry, that should read, Soprendo.

Joe Johnson 1952 - Snookery bloke.

Viv Anderson 1956 - Footy bloke.

Marcus Gilbert 1958 - Actor. Rupert Campbell-Black in Riders.

Martin McCarrick 1962 - Musician. A Banshee from 1987 to 1995. Have a clip. Here’s Kiss Them For Me.

Graham Poll 1963 - Footy reffy bloke.

Miles Hunt 1966 - Musician. Frontman with The Wonder Stuff. Let’s have another clip. Here’s Size of a Cow.

Sally Gunnell 1966 - Athleticky bloke.

Giles Coren 1969 - TV presenter.

Andi Peters 1970 - Producer? Actor? I only know him as the bloke that does the big quiz thing on morning TV.

David Walliams 1971 - Comedian, actor and currently Britain’s new Roald Dahl... Not sure that we needed one, but we’ve got one, nevertheless.

Simon Jones 1972 - Musician. He was the bassist with The Verve. Shall we have another clip? Why not. Here’s History.

Jamie Hamill 1986 - Fitba guy.

Jay Rodriguez 1989 - Footy bloke.

Rosie Bentham 2001 - Actress. Gabby Thomas in Emmerdale.

 

 

I’ve received another letter...

Dear Gramblin McCarrick,

It was wonderful to hear a track from Siouxie and the Banshees. It seems absolutely ages since the band had a hit. Can you tell me what their last top 20 single was called?

Yours wholeheartedly,

P. Kaboo.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Bradkoles fare? We won... in a way. We got a return of £1.78 from our £2.20 stake. 42 pees down. Not so good. Never mind. Let’s have another try.

What games are available this weekend? Well, the Women’s World Cup Qualifiers are taking place right now, so let’s have some more games from the preliminary stage of the Scottish League Cup? Yeah, why not. All games kick off at 3pm, Saturday, the 29th of July.

Game - Result - Odds

Bonnyrigg Rose vs Airdrieonians - Away win - 8/13

Ayr vs Alloa - Home win - 8/15

Hamilton vs Cove Rangers - Home win - 4/5

Arbroath vs Montrose - Home win - 20/23

Queens Park vs Queen of the South - Home win - 4/7

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£8.24

Obviously, this is a different meaning for the word ‘whopping’. Blame those ridiculously short odds.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Kingston, Jamaica in 1963. I moved to England aged 12. A left back, I played for Watford before moving to Liverpool. My playing career ended with short spells at Newcastle United and Charlton Athletic. I was capped for England 79 times. I tried my hand at management, but things didn’t work out too well... I should have stuck to rapping.

Answer - John Barnes

2. Which player has won the most England caps while he was at Liverpool?

Answer - Steven Gerard (114)

3. Another car-related one, which car company is associated with Manchester United?

Answer - Chevrolet

4. Which Argentinian scored the most Premier League goals last season?

Answer - Alexis MacAllister (10)

5. Which club has the nickname, The Chairboys?

Answer - Wycombe Wanderers

Shall we have five for this week? Of course we shall.

1. Who am I?

I was born in 1957 in Chester-le-Street, County Durham. A midfielder, I began my senior career at West Bromwich Albion before signing for Manchester United in 1981 for a record-breaking £1.5 million (a record that stood for six years). I ended my playing career at Middlesbrough as player/manager. I was capped 90 times for England. Though I have managed various clubs, my current involvement in football is as a global ambassador for Manchester United.

2. Which player scored the most goals for Wales?

3. Which non-English player has scored the most Premier League penalties?

4. Which club plays its home games at Prenton Park?

5. Here’s something different, unscramble these letters to reveal the name of a famous player past or present...

RIPE PIRATE RINK

 

There you have it; five teasers to test you. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount raised is a little out of date; it is now sitting at...

£71,431

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. C. Murray who provides us with our finishing item. C. Murray? Chic Murray to you and me. He appeared in one of Bill Forsyth’s early films, Gregory’s Girl, playing the laid-back headmaster. It is one of my favourite films and I particularly like this little snippet. And, if I’ve used it before, I make no apologies, it always makes me smile.

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Post 482 - A grambling bus pass!

 

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…

 

Your letters...

Sir,

I have just watched a television programme called Breaking Dad with Bradley Walsh and Barney Walsh. I couldn’t help noticing a likeness between them. Are they related?

Yours,

Emily Pope.

 

Story time...

Here is a comedy sketch I recall from many years ago...

A man walks into a large office building and studies the board showing where all the departments are situated. We see that he is looking for the complaints department. He sets off in the direction of the arrow. He walks along corridors following the arrow as indicated. As he progresses, he has to go through several doors, up flights of stairs, down flights of stairs but eventually he does come to a door marked Complaints. He opens the door and 'enters' only to find himself in the open air outside the building. Oh how we laughed. I can't recall who performed the sketch. It could have been Dave Allen or Marty Feldman. I've no idea, but it makes a good introduction to this week's rant.

Do you have a bus pass? [That's a bit of a leap, isn't it? - Ed.] No, bear with me; it will make sense, eventually. Yes. Bus pass. Are you old enough to warrant free travel? Actually, it isn't fair to assume that you are getting on in years; here in Scotland, anyone under the age of 22 is also entitled to free bus travel. So, only people aged between 23 and 59 have to pay a bus fare. Even then, not everyone in that age range has to pay; disabled... sorry, differently abled... people are also entitled to travel without paying.

Why do I tell you this? Pull up a chair and I'll tell ee...

A couple of weeks ago I stepped onto a bus, placed my bus pass onto the reader and told the driver my destination. That is what I have done ever since I first got my entitlement card. He looked at the card quizzically. 'Try it again,' he said. It was then that I noticed the expiry date on my card... three days previous to this journey. Luckily, the driver realised that it was an honest mistake and allowed me to get on the bus without paying.

Now, in the past, when the expiry date on the card was impending, a new card would be posted out to me. I didn't have to re-apply. I naturally thought the same would happen when this card expired, but for some reason it hadn't.

Oh dearie me, I thought... words to that effect, anyway. I decided to check this out, so I telephoned the number printed on the, now out-of-date, card.

As always when you phone any business these days, I was first put through to a recorded message which gave me options to select. So, after selecting one... or was it two?... I was given a few more options. And so it went on. Between each selection there was a bit of spiel about the card-supplying-business wanting to give the best service possible and such drivel. Eventually, after five... or was it six?... selections from me, the final message was a different voice... 'The other person has cleared.' What?! I've just spent fifteen minutes trying to get through to someone and all that happened was that the call was terminated. Grrr!

One option given during the call was for me to go online. [What if you don't live near a railway line? - Ed.] Ahem... So, I tried that. That led me to a different phone number. Aha, I thought, now we're getting somewhere.

I phoned the number and, somehow, had a feeling of deja vu. It may have had something to do with the same options cropping up or the exact same advice being given. Anyway, at least it sounded as if I was going into a queue, because the recorded message did say that all the operators were busy. That was followed by, 'The other person has cleared.' I don't believe it! (Said in my best Victor Meldrew voice.) Double grrr!

I headed back online to see if there was any other way of speaking to somebody. Aha! An email address. At last.

I typed out my message expressing my dissatisfaction with the service, I gave my phone number (one that will be answered by a human being, not a machine) and pressed send.

Within minutes there was a response. Hallelujah!

No, not hallelujah, it was an automatic reply and guess what... it told me to phone one of the numbers I had phoned earlier. No grrr this time; just abject despair.

After this latest setback, I really didn't know what to do. I had seemingly exhausted all the options for renewing my card.

I figured that the only thing I could try was to apply for a card as if I was a new applicant.

Initially, things seemed to progress nicely. I must have answered at least ten questions before the first problem. Apparently, I couldn't progress with my application until I had registered. Sorry, pardon, what? Why? I'd never had to 'register' in the past, so what was different this time?

It seemed to be a stumbling block, so I had no option but to fill in all my personal details. To register, I had to choose a user name and a password. Next problem? No matter what I entered as a password, it got rejected. Triple grrr!

I was informed that my password had to have at least one of the following: a capital letter, a lower-case letter, a number and a grammatical symbol such as a comma. It has, you stupid machine!!!

You'll gather that I was getting a bit exasperated. Just a tad.

I read the incredibly small print accompanying the password instructions showing what grammatical symbols could be used. There was an asterisk, a bracket symbol, a comma, exclamation mark, question mark... in fact, every symbol you could think of except the one I was trying to use: a full bloody stop!! Aaarrgh!

Having sorted that, I was instructed to go to my email messages. Lo and behold, there was a message from the travel entitlement card people. It instructed me to 'click on the link'. I did this and was transported to the very first page of the online document I had spent the best part of an afternoon trying to fill in. Have you ever seen a grown man cry? Not a pretty sight.

Right, off we go again. Luckily, having now registered, when I reached that part of the form, I sailed through without any difficulties. Yay!

We're cooking now, I thought. I came to the part of the form asking for evidence that I was who I claimed to be. Photographic evidence was required.

Document with my address? Tick. No problem. Passport page with photo on it? Tick. This is easy. Photograph of face? Tick? No not tick. Whenever I pressed the 'send' option, my picture was rejected. I was beginning to wonder if the picture had to be of passport quality with eyes staring straight at the camera, when I noticed that the maximum size of the image had to be less than 10mb. Could that be the problem? I then had to go into my pictures file and find the image I was trying to use. When I eventually found it, its size was, oh come on... 10.2mb?! So, having shaved a little off the sides, I managed to get it below the magic 10. Thankfully, that was indeed the problem and the resized photo was accepted. Thank goodness for that, now, what's next? Face recognition? You what? I've just spent ages trying to put a photo in and now I've to do it again?!

No, this was different. I now had to face my laptop and keep still while staring at the camera to allow my face to be... er... recognised, I suppose. First try... too blurry. Try again. Too close. Try again. Too far away. Try again and so it went on until eventually, after about a dozen attempts, my face was recognised. Jeez!

I got right through the form and reached the very last question... huzzah!

I allowed the little pointer (I know all the computery words) to hover over the 'submit' field, closed my eyes and pressed the enter key. Please work.

I opened my eyes to be met with the words I wanted to see, 'Your application has been submitted.' Not yay, but phew.

At last, after what seemed like weeks, but was probably only a few days, my application had been successfully submitted.*

It is all rather sad that a system providing assistance for older people and disabl... differently abled... people is designed in such a way that the very people it is aimed at would find it difficult to negotiate. I know a lot of older people who just don't have any kind of computery type gadget. I also know some that do have such devices but are totally baffled as to how they work. How are such people supposed to apply for a bus pass?

Before, I end, there was one part of the message regarding my successful application that made me laugh out loud. It read, 'Your new entitlement card should be with you in about ten working days. If there is any problem please phone...' Need I go on? Yep, it was one of those phone numbers again.

Did I say I laughed out loud? I meant I laughed maniacally.

* A couple of days later I received an email from the entitlement card provider telling me that my application had to be resubmitted, because a date on one of the images was unclear (I’m guessing the passport page as that was the only submission that had any date reference.). I sought out my passport and scanned the page in question. This time, I checked it thoroughly to make sure that all the information on it was legible.

As I write this, my application has been submitted and I await my new card. Hopefully, there will be no other glitches to hinder it being issued. In the meantime, I will just have to do what the majority minority of folk have to do... pay for using a bus.**

** a wee update. My application has just been refused for a second time. I have, once again, tried to upload the correct information but I have a feeling that it will not be enough. I’ll keep you posted.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 8th of July? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Vic Oliver 1898 - Actor and radio comedian.

Erik Chitty 1907 - Actor. Mr. Smith in Please Sir! 226 credits on IMDb in a career lasting 40 years.

Myles Rudge 1926 - Songwriter. He wrote novelty songs such as Right Said Fred and Hole in the Ground, both recorded by Bernard Cribbins. He also wrote this song made popular by Ronnie Hilton. Factoid: David Bowie recorded that one too.

Brian Walden 1932 - Politician and TV presenter.

Marty Feldman 1934 - Actor, comedian and comedy writer.

Tony Warren 1936 - Television scriptwriter who gave us Corrie.

Polly James 1941 - Actress. Beryl in The Liver Birds.

Michael Dunford 1944 - Musician. Songwriter and arranger with Renaissance. Have another clip. He wrote this one, Rajah Khan.

Sarah Kennedy 1950 - TV and radio broadcaster. Factoid: She is credited with the expression (beloved of the media) ‘White van man’.

Mike Walling 1950 - Actor, writer and songwriter. Eric in Brush Strokes.

David Aaronovitch 1954 - Journalist, broadcaster and author.

Mark Tavener 1954 - Writer, humorist and dramatist.

Monty Don 1955 - Gardener.

David Parfitt 1958 - Child actor and now producer. Peter Harrison/Redway in And Mother Makes Three/Five.

Andrew ‘Fletch’ Fletcher 1961 - Musician. Keyboardist with Depeche Mode until his death in 2022. A clip? Indeed. Here’s Soothe My Soul.

Mark Halsey 1961 - Footy ref.

Christopher Chaplin 1962 - Actor and musician. Son of Charlie and Oona.

Matthew Wright 1965 - Journalist and TV presenter.

Kevin Friend 1971 - Another footy ref.

Ellen MacArthur 1976 - Sailor.

Alex Fletcher 1976 - Actress. Diane O’Connor/Hutchinson in Hollyoaks.

Stevie Nicholas 1981 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell, you know.

Leanne Ross 1981 - Fitba guy.

Jamie Cook 1985 - Musician. An Arctic Monkey. Here’s a clip, chosen simply because I liked the title, There'd Better be a Mirrorball.

 

Okay, then. Were there any famous/notorious folk born on the 15th of July. Of course there were and here are some that I recognise.

Emmeline Pankhurst 1858 - Suffragette.

Noel Gay 1898 - Composer. He wrote this one, Leaning on a Lamppost.  [Funny place to be writing songs. - Ed.]

Ronald Binge 1910 - Composer. As well as writing Elizabethan Serenade (See Post 479 - Grambling back in style.) he wrote this rather lovely piece, The Watermill.

Hammond Innes 1913 - Orfer. Campbell’s Kingdom, that was one of his.

Arthur Lovegrove 1913 - Jobbing actor whose craggy appearance made him the ideal choice for unnamed roles such as Tough man on underground train, Thug, 2nd Crook, Man having altercation in cinema and, my own favourite, Man being fingerprinted.

Iris Murdoch 1919 - Orfer. The Unicorn, that was one of hers.

Jean Heywood 1921 - Actress. Bella Seaton in When the Boat Comes In.

Angus MacKay 1926 - Actor. He always seemed to play clergymen, posh cheps or pompous official types. Like Arthur Lovegrove, his roles didn’t always have a name. These include Clergyman, First Secretary to The Treasury, Vicar, School master, Bank clerk, Priest and Tribunal chairman.

Ann Jellicoe 1927 - Playwright, theatre Director and actress. She wrote the play (later made into a film) The Knack.

Jimmy Leadbetter 1928 - Fitba guy.

Brian Sewell 1931 - Critic. See Week 8 - Brian Sewell - the haughty culturalist.

 

Oo d'ya fink you're looking at? I'll smash yer face in.

Julian Bream 1933 - Strummer. Here’s a wee bit cult’yer fur yeez, Vivaldi's Lute Concerto in D. [What a snappy title. - Ed.]

Harrison Birtwistle 1934 - Composer. Ur yeez waantin’ mair cult’yer? Here’s Guitar and White Hand.

David Jackson 1934 - Actor. Olag Gan on Blake’s 7.

William G. Stewart 1935 - TV producer and quiz show host.

Robert Winston 1940 - Scientist and TV presenter.

Geoffrey Burgon 1941 - Composer. He wrote the main themes for The Life of Brian and Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, but I have chosen this, the main theme for Brideshead Revisited.  Err ye go eh? Mair cult’yer.

Derek Griffiths 1946 - Actor. Do you remember Super Ted? He provided Super Ted’s voice.

Peter Banks 1947 - Musician. He was the original guitarist with Yes before getting the order of the boot. Here’s a clip from the first Yes album: Beyond and Before.

Tony O’Malley 1948 - Musician. Ooh, a chance for another really old song link... He was keyboard player from very early seventies band, Arrival. Here’s Friends. Try not to think about the scary man at the beginning.

Lynn Ripley aka Twinkle 1948 - Singer. She had a couple of hits. Here’s Golden Lights.  Oh no! There’s that scary man again.

Trevor Horn 1949 - Musician and record producer. Yes (the band) have had a few line up changes over the years. The strangest change was probably for the album called Drama. Singer Jon Anderson had quit, as had Rick Wakeman. Wouldn’t it be a jolly wheeze to stick pop duo Buggles (Trevor Horn and Geoff Downes) in as replacements. The band were jokingly referred to as Yuggles (Oh, how we laughed.) and the resulting album wasn’t as bad as that suggests it might be. Here’s a track from it: Into The Lens.

Geoffrey Richardson 1950 - Musician. He played violin for Caravan, so here’s another real oldie: Surprise, Surprise.

John Robson 1950 - Footy bloke.

Celia Imrie 1952 - Actress. Diana in After You’ve Gone.

Ian Curtis 1956 - Singer with Joy Division. Have a clip. Here is Atmosphere. [I preferred the Russ Abbott version. - Ed.]

David Milliband 1965 - Politician.

Jason Bonham 1966 - Drummer, like his dad.

Jill Halfpenny 1975 - Actress. Diane in In The Club.

Julienne Taylor 1981 - Singer. A clip? Here she asks us to Just Let Me Be.  [Let me be what? - Ed.]

Simon Hooper 1982 - Footy ref.

Olly Alexander 1990 - Musician, singer, songwriter and actor. Ritchie Tozer in It’s a Sin.

Matt Grimes 1995 - Footy bloke.

Elyar 1995 - Singer. A clip? Here he wants to Do It All Over Again.

 

 

 

 

I’ve received another letter...

Dear Grambly Cook,

My mum, Wendy, is a great fan of your band, The Arctic Monkeys. I thought that you only had one number one single with I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor, but she is adamant that your follow-up single also hit the top spot. Is she right and, if so, what was it called?

Yours devotedly,

Wendy's son, Gus Down.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Baldrokes fare? We won... Sort of. We got a return of £2.12 from our £2.20 stake. Eight pees down. Never mind. Let’s have another try.

Let’s try again. What games are available this weekend? What about some games from the prliminary stage of the Scottish League? Yeah, let’s give it a go. All games kick off at 3pm, Saturday, the 15th of July.

Game - Result - Odds

Stirling vs Ayr - Away win - 8/13

Forfar vs Cowdenbeath - Home win - 8/15

Clyde vs Hamilton - Away win - 5/6

Kelty Hearts vs Morton - Away win - 4/5

Peterhead vs Partick - Away win - 1/2

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£7.94

That is even worse than last time. Whopping? Don’t think so.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Porto Alegre, Brazil in 1980. I began my senior career at Grêmio before moves to Paris Saint-Germain, Barcelona, AC Milan, Flamengo, Atlético Mineiro, Querétaro and Fluminense. I was capped for Brazil 97 times. I am the only player ever to have won a World Cup, a Champions League, a Copa America, a Confederations Cup, a Copa Libertadores and a Ballon d’Or. I am known by the nickname O Bruxo (The Wizard).

Answer - Ronaldinho

2. Which current Premier League player has scored the most penalties?

Answer - Harry Kane (33)

3. Which two clubs have spent the longest time in the second tier of English football (41 seasons) without ever reaching the top league?

Answer - Port Vale and Plymouth Argyle

4. The car manufacturer Lotus is associated with which club?

Answer - Norwich City

5. Which English club currently plays its home games at the Keepmoat Stadium?

Answer - Doncaster Rovers (The stadium is now known as the Eco-Power Stadium because of sponsorship.)

How about five for this week? Aye, go on then.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Kingston, Jamaica in 1963. I moved to England aged 12. A left back, I played for Watford before moving to Liverpool. My playing career ended with short spells at Newcastle United and Charlton Athletic. I was capped for England 79 times. I tried my hand at management, but things didn’t work out too well... I should have stuck to rapping.

2. Which player has won the most England caps while he was at Liverpool?

3. Another car-related one, which car company is associated with Manchester United?

4. Which Argentinian scored the most Premier League goals last season?

5. Which club has the nickname, The Chairboys?

There you have it; five teasers to test you. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount raised is a little out of date; it is now sitting at...

£71,431

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, you may recall that our last gramble ended with a clip from David Prowse who also ended our gramble for the same date in 2017. Now, all you readers out there in Gramblerland must be wondering why I am alluding to this. Surely, you’re not going to pull the same trick twice, you might be saying. Sadly, I am, because this week’s closing item comes from none other than Marty Feldman who, those of you who have stuck with the blog over the years will remember, provided the final item for the corresponding week six years ago with Funny he never married.  That was only an audio clip, as the accompanying video seems to have disappeared. This time, I have found a video clip which features the brilliant ‘Lightning Coach Tours’ sketch. It also features a very non-pc, non-woke sketch featuring an ever-so-slightly biased football match commentator. You have been warned.

 

 

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Post 444 - Grambling at the hotel de posh

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…

 If you are thinking, I've seen this before, let me explain.  There has been some unusual activity on the original post.  I have no idea why, but the number of 'visits' to this particular post is something like ten times the normal.  Hmm... something dodgy going on, methinks.  So, I have decided to delete the original and re-post it, in full.  Okay with that?  Good.  Now, read on and enjoy (a feeling of deja vu)...

Story time...

Mrs G have been globetrotting again. We have and all. Two nights in sunny Ayr (pronounced Err). In these days of pandemic, 30 miles down the A77 is quite enough globe for us to trot, thank you.

We did stay in a rather nice hotel and in a very nice room. I would like to say it had a pleasant outlook, but it didn’t. Indeed, it had no outlook at all, as the windows were of frosted glass in order to obscure the view of the fans on the roof of the hotel kitchen. Not that it mattered. The room had the usual hotel bedroom requirements of bed, wardrobe, bedside tables and the like, but it was so large that it also featured a three-piece suite and a large coffee table. The sofa faced a wall on which was mounted the largest television screen I have seen outside of Currys. I reckon it was in the region of 65 inches (165 cm).

The bathroom had the usual quota of toilets (one) and baths (one), but had two sinks and a double shower. so, while Mrs G was soaking in the bath, I could have had both showers operating at different temperatures and alternated between hot and cold as I desired. I didn’t, of course, but I could have done. All, very poash.

There was something that spoiled this huge bathroom and it was nothing to do with the fittings per se [Who’s Percy? - Ed.]. At first, I couldn’t work out quite what it was. There was something about this vast room that just wasn’t right. It was the colour of the various pipes and supports. Somebody, in their wisdom, decided that it might be classier to use, not chromed pipes and fittings but, copper-coloured materials. Sadly, unlike chrome, the colour ‘copper’ is far from uniform. Thus, the colours of the metalwork ranged from almost silver, but not quite gold, through to a very dark, almost black, bronze. In between, there were hues such as almost yellow for the taps and a bright orange for the pipes leading into the radiators. Unlike the greys in that quality tome, by E.L. (of a lot of dosh from a trashy novel) James, it wasn’t fifty shades, but it wasn’t far off it.

Was there any actual copper pipework? Oh yes. It was green.

While we were staying in this very pleasant establishment, we enjoyed some very nice grub. After our first evening’s meal, we adjourned to the lounge and ordered a glass of wine each. After a while, we were joined by another couple who asked if they could sit with us. Not a problem. We were soon swapping tales of family, exchanging opinions on the hotel and discussing other places we had visited. While we were happy to drink our glasses of wine, they were ordering glasses of Drambuie to see them through the evening.

After a pleasant couple of hours, they decided it was time to head for bed and left us to finish our drinks. That done, we also decided to head to our room to sample our private cinema.

Before we left the lounge area, we asked the bar staff if we could sign for our drinks to be added to our room bill. No problem. The barman went through the ‘tab’ to check...

‘So, that’s two glasses of wine and five Drambuies...’

‘(Splutter, cough) What?’

‘Yes. Your drinks and those of the couple sitting with you.’

‘But... They weren’t with us. I don’t even know their name... She referred to him as Davie. That’s all I know.’

‘Leave it with me, sir.’

Luckily, we weren’t going to be charged for those liqueurs, but we thought the worst. Were we being duped by this couple? Surely not. They seemed quite genuine. Although, we didn’t see where they went after they left the lounge. Did they head to their room? Did they even have a room? We hadn’t spotted where they had come from when they joined us. Maybe, they had walked in off the street and, on leaving us in the lounge, simply took a right turn at reception and headed back out into the street, happy that they had pulled off a scam which got them an evening of free drinks. Perhaps this was how they spent their nights, seeking out gullible individuals like us to pay for their booze.

Of course, our fears were unfounded. They were in the dining room the next morning having breakfast. Thank goodness for that... Mind you, if we hadn’t asked to sign for our drinks, would they have got away without paying for theirs? Hmm...

All this talk of Drambuie, reminds of an old, quite rude, gag. A group of American ladies were discussing their husbands and exchanging fairly intimate details of their activities. They got on to the subject of nicknames...

‘...And what pet name do you have for your man?’

‘I call him Drambuie.’

‘Drambuie? Ain’t that some kind of fancy liquor?’

You don’t need a punchline, do you? You’re way ahead of me.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we?

Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 2nd of April? Of course there were. Here are some that even I know.

Jack Buchanan 1891 - Actor, singer, producer and director. Here he is in a clip from the 1953 film, Bandwagon with Fred Astaire and Nanette Fabray, singing Triplets.

Alec Guinness 1914 - Ector, dear leddie. 7th Duke of Chalfont, Ethelred the 8th Earl of Chalfont, Rev. Lord Henry, General Lord Rufus, Lord Ascoyne, Lady Agetha D’Ascoyne, Young Ascoyne and Young Henry in Kind Hearts and Coronets.

Maxwell Reed 1919 - Actor. Captain David Grief in... Captain David Grief. Now more famous for being the first Mr Joan Collins.

George MacDonald Fraser 1925 - Orfer. Famously took the bully Flashman from Tom Brown’s Schooldays and wrote 12 novels about the character when he became an adult and a British army ‘hero’ of sorts.

Kenneth Tynan 1927 - F****** theatre critic.

Roddy Maude-Roxby 1930 - Actor. He used to be in Rowan & Martin’s Laugh In. Must have seemed like a groovy English guy.

Brian Glover aka Leon Uris 1934 - Actor (as Glover) and wrestler (as Uris). Heslop in Porridge.

Denis Tuohy 1937 - Journalist.

Penelope Keith 1940 - Actress. Margo Leadbetter in The Good Life.

Mike Hailwood 1940 - Motorcycling World Champ. From 1961 to 1967 he won nine world titles.

Roshan Seth 1942 - Actor. Pandit Nehru in Ghandi.

Sue Townsend 1946 - Orfer

Paul Gambaccini 1949 - DJ

Allan Corduner 1950 - Actor. Monty Berman in Fearless.

Linford Christie 1960 - Runny bloke.

Keren Woodward 1961 - A bit of Bananarama. A clip? Yes, of course. Here’s their very first charting single (Number 92) Aie a Mwana.

Teddy Sheringham 1966 - Footy bloke and singing tree.  Unless you watch The Masked Singer, you won't understand that reference so, here he is...

 

♫ No more I love yews ♫

John Thomson 1969 - Comedian. Niiice.

Yousseph ‘Chico’ Slimani 1971 - Singer. Time for a clip? I should say so. What time is it? It’s Chico Time.

Simon Farnaby 1972 - Actor, comedian and writer.

Andrew Whyment 1981 - Actor. Kirk Sutherland in Coronation Street.

Jenny Ryan 1982 - Clever lady. Known as The Vixen on The Chase.

 

Now then, what about April 9th? Anyone famous born on that date?

Isambard Kingdom Brunel 1806 - Engineer.

Alexander ‘Greek’ Thomson 1817 - Architect.

Sebastian Ziani de Ferranti 1864 - Electrician. Not really. He was an electrical engineer and inventor. He co-founded the business that bore his name. Factoid: Livingston F.C. was originally called Ferranti Thistle, a works team founded in 1943. In 1974 it became Meadowbank Thistle before relocating to Livingston in 1995. There you are, educational this is.

Victor Golancz 1893 - Publisher

Marjorie Rhodes 1897 - Actress. Lucy Fitton in The Family Way.

Hugh Gaitskell 1906 - Politician.

Philip Stainton 1908 - Actor. Seemed to have a friendly copper type of face. Played policemen in 20 per cent of his IMDb credits.

Michael Ward 1909 - Jobbing actor. He provided many unnamed characters in various comedy shows of the 60s and 70s. Who can forget Labour Candidate in Rising Damp? Or Vicar in Sykes? I know I can.

Elizabeth Allan 1910 - Actress. Mrs Copperfield in... deep breath... The Personal History, Adventures, Experience & Observation of David Copperfield the Younger.

Alan Melville 1910 - Broadcaster, writer, actor, raconteur, producer, playwright and wit... In fact, a right old smarty boots.

Alex Moulton 1920 - Engineer and inventor... well, more innovator than inventor. Came up with the small-wheeled bicycle that bore his name and the clever suspension systems used on Minis and other BMC cars.

Arthur Tolcher 1922 - Musician. Became famous when he tried to play his harmonica at the end of The Morecambe and Wise Show only to be told, ‘Not now, Arthur.’

Gerry Fitt 1926 - Politician, so he was.

Aubrey Woods 1928 - Jobbing actor. Like Michael Ward, many of his roles didn’t have character names; here are just a few: Reporter, A Disciple, Doctor, Photographer, Shop Assistant, Water Board Inspector, Immigration Officer, Inspector, Postman, Foreman, Undertaker and, my favourite, Vegetable Stall Holder. Each and every one totally forgettable.

Monty Sunshine 1928 - Clarinettist. He featured on this million seller for Chris Barber’s Jazz Band, Petite Fleur.

Jack Smethurst 1932 - Actor. Eddie Booth in Love Thy Neighbour, a comedy, it says here, about neighbours, one black, one white, who call each other names. Erm... That's it.  Don’t expect it on Dave any time soon.

Valerie Singleton 1937 - TV presenter.

Hannah Gordon 1941 - Actress. Belinda Braithwaite in Joint Account.

Alan ‘Wally’ Waller 1944 - Musician. A Pretty Thing. Here he is on Grass.  That is the song title; he isn’t smoking anything or, indeed, sitting on any greenery.

Alan Knott 1946 - Crickety bloke.

Les Gray 1946 - Mud slinger... I’m sorry, I’ll type that again... Mud singer. A clip? Why not. Here’s L' L' Lucy.  [That's not very woke, making fun of a stutter. - Ed.] Not to be confused with It’s My PPParty.

David Webb 1946 - Footy bloke.

Iain Duncan Smith 1954 - Politician.

Nigel Slater 1958 - Cook.

Perry Benson 1961 - Another jobbing actor who doesn’t always get given a name for his roles (115 IMDb credits and counting). As a kid he was ‘Boy on Stairs’ in Grange Hill. Later, he was Pigeon Vendor in Blackadder. And who can forget his Trading Standards Officer in Alien Autopsy?

Sarah Hardcastle 1969 - Swimmy bloke.

Tricia Penrose 1970 - Actress. Gina Bellamy in 338 episodes of Heartbeat.

Neve McIntosh 1972 - Actress. Kate Kilmuir in Shetland.

Robbie Fowler 1975 - Footy bloke, la.

Rachel Stevens 1978 - Singer. A bit of Sclub 7... I’m sorry, that should read S Club 7. A clip? Indeed. Here is the group’s first number 1, Bring It All Back.  [My last meal, I’m guessing. That really is vomit-inducing. - Ed.]

Douglas Ross 1983 - Linesman.

Will Merrick 1993 - Actor. Alo Creevey in Skins.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Alan ‘Grambly’ Grambler,

It was wonderful to hear a track by your band, The Pretty Things. I always felt that history has been unkind to them. Pete Townsend of The Who and Ray Davies of The Kinks are often cited as being the originators of ‘the concept album’ with Tommy (1969) and The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society (1968), but The Pretty Things were there first with S.F. Sorrow in 1967. Tell me, was there ever a song from this groundbreaking album released as a single?

Yours enquiringly,

D. Fecting-Gray.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did The Grambler’s predictions fare last time? Do you remember that our last bet gave us a two pee profit? Yes? Well, this time, we made a two pee loss. What happened? Read on.

 

Accrington Stanley vs Gillingham - Home win

Result - Accrington 1 Gillingham 2

Boo!

Goalmouth action was in short supply in the first half with the best chance in the first minute when Stanley’s Colby Bishop fired straight at goalkeeper Aaron Chapman.

The game burst into life after the interval.

Chapman produced three superb saves to keep out a Bishop overhead kick, deny Korede Adedoyin when he was clean through and spectacularly palm away a Harry Pell header.

Gillingham took the lead after 64 minutes when Vadaine Oliver's effort was tipped away by keeper Liam Isherwood but came to Charlie Kelman at the far post and he headed home.

It was two in the 73rd minute when a corner was only half-cleared and it was put back in by Dan Phillips with Oliver jumping with Isherwood and heading home his 10th of the season.

The Reds were awarded a penalty in the first minute of stoppage time for a foul on Harvey Rodgers and Bishop stroked the ball home, but the Gills held out for an important win.

 

AFC Wimbledon vs Cambridge Utd - Home win

Result - Wimbledon 0 Cambridge 1

Boo!

After a poor opening 35 minutes, the home side almost found the breakthrough as Anthony Hartigan's dinked cross found the head of Derick Osei Yaw but his effort was just wide.

Dons defender Paul Osew nearly caught out his own goalkeeper Nik Tzanev with a risky chest back shortly afterwards.

Within a minute of the restart, Adam May collected the ball outside the box and bent a glorious curling strike past Tzanev.

AFC Wimbledon's best chance fell to Sam Cosgrove on the hour but his turn and shot was deflected over.

Cambridge nearly doubled their advantage through Sam Smith, but he was denied by a brilliant improvised clearance from Ben Heneghan.

Despite a late Wimbledon push, Cambridge held on.

 

Doncaster vs Charlton - Away win

Result - Doncaster 0 Charlton 1

Yay!

Charlton recovered from Conor Washington's penalty miss to record a third successive victory with a 1-0 win over relegation-threatened Doncaster.

Conor Washington saw his first-half penalty saved by Rovers goalkeeper Jonathan Mitchell, only for Jayden Stockley to net the only goal of the game to secure the points for the Addicks.

They dominated the afternoon in attacking terms and were gifted an opportunity to go ahead in the 14th minute when Kyle Knoyle mistimed a challenge on Corey Blackett-Taylor inside the box, only for Mitchell to keep out Washington's penalty.

Chances kept coming for the visitors, with Mitchell denying Washington and Stockley in quick succession.

Rovers on the other hand found opportunities at a premium, with a blocked volley from Ben Jackson and a Matt Smith strike their only efforts of note.

Charlton took the lead after 67 minutes when Blackett-Taylor cut the ball back from the byline and Stockley found the far bottom corner.

Washington saw a one-on-one effort saved by Mitchell while Stockley rattled the crossbar with his follow-up as Charlton looked the more likely to add to the score.

 

Ipswich vs Plymouth - Home win

Result - Ipswich 1 Plymouth 0

Yay!

Sam Morsy's goal from inside the six-yard box was enough to earn Ipswich a 1-0 win over Plymouth.

A snapshot by Sone Aluko fizzed into the side-netting and Wes Burns' driven cross nearly fell at the feet of an Ipswich forward while a pass into the Argyle penalty area by Aluko almost found Morsy.

Another whipped cross from the right by Janoi Donacien just evaded a Town player and Burns' header was straight at Argyle goalkeeper Michael Cooper.

At the other end Town keeper Christian Walton displayed his dribbling skills to outsmart Argyle striker Ryan Hardie but his pass almost fell to a Plymouth player.

Town pressure eventually told in the 37th minute when Morsy netted, following a pinpoint cross from James Norwood.

In the closing minutes Burns should have sewn the game up for Ipswich but his fierce shot went just wide.

 

Shrewsbury vs Lincoln - Home win

Result - Shrewsbury 1 Lincoln 0

Yay!

Prolific Daniel Udoh scored a dramatic 84th-minute winner against Lincoln.

The Shrews attacker reacted quickly to a loose ball on the edge of the box and rifled a shot home to decide this League One contest.

Earlier in the match, Udoh had been involved in a collision with Lincoln defender Adam Jackson, who was forced off on a stretcher after just 24 minutes.

Jordan Wright made the first save of the afternoon six minutes before half-time, tipping Josh Vela's powerful strike from the edge of the box over the bar.

The Imps went close in first-half stoppage time as Ted Bishop's curling 25-yard drive sailed narrowly wide.

On the hour mark, Wright kept Lincoln in the match with a good stop to deny Matthew Pennington but the hosts found their way through in the end.

 

Ho hum. Let’s see if The Grambler can improve on matters this week. What has he/she/it predicted?

Game - Result - Odds

Blackburn vs Blackpool - Home win - 4/6

Bristol City vs Peterborough - Home win - 4/5

Millwall vs Barnsley - Home win - 4/6

Nottingham Forest vs Birmingham - Home win - 4/6

West Brom vs Stoke - Home win - 10/11

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£9.52

That’s more our style. Totally unwhopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Sauchie, Clackmannanshire in 1955. I began my senior career as a defender at Partick Thistle in 1973. In 1977 I moved to Liverpool making 434 appearances before my retirement in 1991. I had two spells as club captain. I was capped 26 times for Scotland. After retiring from the game, I became famous as a football pundit for the BBC.

Answer - Alan Hansen

2. Which player has made the most Premier League appearances for Everton?

Answer - Neville Southall (751)

3. Which Scot has won the most Premier League winners medals?

Answer - Darren Fletcher (5)

4. Which club plays at Recreation Park?

Answer - Alloa Athletic

5. How about a daft one? How many teams in the English and Scottish senior leagues have Albion in their name?

Answer - Five (Brighton and Hove Albion, West Bromwich Albion, Burton Albion, Stirling Albion and Albion Rovers)

How about five for this week? Here goes...

1. Who am I?

I was born in Stoke Newington in 1958 but moved to Ireland at te age of four. A defender, I began my senior career at Arsenal in 1975 and remained with the club for 18 years making 722 appearances, a club record. I ended my playing days at Leeds United who I later managed. I was capped 68 times for Republic of Ireland.

2. Who is the only Swiss player have won more than one Champions League Medal?

3. Which Scottish team has the nickname ‘The Maroon Machine’?

4. Which club plays at Gander Green Lane?

5. How many clubs with ‘port’ in their name have played in the English and Scottish Leagues?

There you have it; five teasers to test you. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount raised is a little out of date, though. Check the Justgiving page link given at the beginning of this blog to see the current figure.

 

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr S. Farnaby. Who? Simon Farnaby who celebrated his birthday last week, but is in the birthday honours because this week’s edition... [I’m sure they can work it out. - Ed.] So, yes, Simon Farnaby. He is a comedian, writer and actor. He appeared in The Mighty Boosh, you may recall. Since then, he has been part of what has become known as the Horrible Histories troupe. Horrible Histories books were written by Terry Deary, Peter Hepplewhite and Neil Tonge in the 1990s as a way to make children enjoy history by concentrating on the odder (and usually ruder) aspects of our ancestors. In 2009, the concept was made into a sketch show for kids featuring a group of young actors, the ‘troupe’. The group went on to make Yonderland which was less child-focused. Recently, they have been involved in making the Beeb comedy Ghosts. I thought a small sample of his output would make a nice ending this week and selected a short compilation of items featuring Farnaby as The (not so) Grim Reaper in a regular feature of the Horrible Histories shows, Stupid Deaths.  [Is that meant to be for children? - Ed.] Yes. [It’s too damn good for them. - Ed.]

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.