Post 480 - A Maserati Grambli

 

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…

 

Your letters...

Sir,

Whilst on holiday recently, I spotted a man who was a dead ringer for Everton manager Sean Dyche. He even had a little ginger beard. Have any of your readers had a similar experience?

Martin Pratt.

[Well readers, have any of you ever spotted a scary-looking man with a ginger beard while on holiday? - Ed.]

 

Story time...

We begin this week’s story time with a rather special report. For the first time since 2019, Mrs G has been able to run her ‘Tea for Stewart’ afternoon tea. Yay!

Now, I could give you a run down of how the day went, but if you simply read http://www.thegrambler.com/2019/07/week-45-grambling-at-this-years-tea-for.html from four years ago, you will get the general idea.

The only notable difference is that supermarkets and businesses didn’t provide the raw materials* as had happened in previous years. Shame. That didn’t stop us though; we have some very generous friends who were happy to help out. Thanks to everyone involved.

Oh, I nearly forgot, the total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund has exceeded the figure from previous similar events. How much was raised?

£2577

Brilliant or what.

* I should point out that a local businessman did still provide prosecco for the day, so our thanks go to him.

 

Now, story time proper...

Do you like cruising? I mean the holiday on a big boat type of cruising, not the other kind which involves a bit of kerb-crawling. What you do in your spare time is your own affair. Whatever floats your boat... which brings me back to this week’s topic, cruises.

Mrs G and I love to go on a cruise: a week or two of sheer luxury. You wake in the morning, shower and then head to a restaurant for a relaxing breakfast. If you are spending the day at sea, you can relax at a presentation, or sunbathe, head to a coffee bar, whatever takes your fancy. If you are stopping at a port, it is nice to head off on a tour of wherever you are, before heading back to the ship for more unadulterated pampering.

Are there any downsides to life on board, I hear you ask. Yes there are, I answer, but they have nothing to do with the holiday package provided on board. Any whim you have will be pandered to. No, any negatives have nothing to do the ship or the crew, they are more to do with fellow passengers. However do you mean, you may ask. Pull up a chair and I’ll tell ee...

Sometimes, mealtimes in the ship’s restaurants can get a little busy so it may be necessary to share a table with other people; usually four others. It can make for an interesting meal, listening to other people’s stories. This isn’t always the case, however.

On one occasion, Mrs G and I were seated at a table with some American couples. I had no problem with that, I am not racist against Americans. Any road up, we were all chatting away, but there was one elderly gentleman dressed in a tweed suit with colour coodinated bow-tie, who barely spoke during the general chit-chat about families and where everyone was from...

‘Scaddish? Oh, I thought you were Irish.’

... Meanwhile bow-tie man was silent. His wife told us he had been a university lecturer on history. How interesting, we thought.

Finally, bow-tie man spoke...

‘Tell me, what do you know about the Hundred Years War?’

‘Nothing.’ I answered with complete honesty.

This was the response he was looking for. It gave him a launchpad for possibly the only subject he could talk about.

‘Well, let me tell you...’, he began and so commenced a mind-numbingly boring lecture on a topic nobody at the table was remotely interested in hearing about.

I felt Mrs G’s size five kick me in the ankle and she mouthed the words ‘Don’t order a dessert.’

We, and the other couples at the table, suddenly had an urge to be somewhere, anywhere, else and left. I’m sure his wife would have done the same if she had been able.

Meanwhile, bow-tie man was still rambling on to no-one in particular abouut the history of the Hundred Year War.

Most people on board are nice to be around and are wonderful company. I hope Mrs G and I are perceived as the same. However, bow-tie man is not alone. There are always bores on board.

Once I recall sitting in one of the ship’s many bars and, because a theatre show was about to begin, the bar was somewhat full and we found ourselves sitting next to an English lady and her husband. Not that I’m racist about English people, you understand. He didn’t speak, mainly because he would have found it hard to get a word in.

Within minutes, this lady had told us how much her, now retired, husband had earned, how much his pension was worth, how much her pension was worth, how big their house was and how much it was worth, how much they had tied up in shares, how much their clever son in Hong Kong earned, which private school the grandchildren went to... RIIINNNNG! Thank goodness, the bell for the evening’s theatre production to start. We made our excuses and left. If we saw her again after that encounter, we simply said a polite hello and moved on.

My favourite mealtime moment was a time when we were seated with another two couples for our evening meal. I was seated next to a chap who had the fascinating hobby of building traction engines and cars. I would happily have chatted with him, a fellow petrol-head, all night. However, the other guy at the table was very much the ‘conversation controller’ and he wanted to talk about his favourite topic... himself.

‘Of course, since I retired we’ve been on lots of wonderful holidays, haven’t we dear?’ His wife smiled the weak smile of someone who knew what was to follow. ‘Cambodia was nice. Blah blah blah. And Peru. Blah de blah blah. Venezuela was nice, too. Blah blah blahditty blah. And Vietnam. Blah blah blah blah. But I think our favourite place was Bali...’

‘Oh, that was our favourite, as well.’ I said.

He looked disappointed, as if I’d stolen his thunder, but he gamely switched the conversation...

‘What ‘wheels’ have you got?’ Notice that? Wheels. Not car. Just wheels. What a tw*t. He didn’t wait for an answer, but, after listening to him reeling off all the expensive brands he had owned, I finally got the chance to actually say what my ‘wheels’ were. When I said that I drove a big Mini, his sneer was quite palpable...

‘I’ve now moved on to a Maserati (which he pronounced Mezzerarti) Ghibli (which he pronounced Jibbly... Why does this guy remind me of Del Boy Trotter?) Nought to 60 in 5.7 seconds. 158 em pee aitch. Well worth ninety grand.’ He turned to traction engine man, ‘You’re not saying much, what do you drive?’

‘An AC Cobra,’ he said.

‘That’ll be a replica, I should imagine.’

‘No. It’s original. I restored it myself.’

You could see self-obsessed man almost deflate as he realised his ace had just been trumped. Like me, he realised that good Cobras are now being auctioned for seven-figure sums.

He muttered a few departing pleasantries and left the restaurant, with his wife following obediently.

Did I say these were the downsides of cruising? I take that back. Often, it’s moments like these that make a great holiday even better. Mezzerarti Jibbly indeed. What a tw*t!

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 17th of June? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Edward I 1239 - The well-known king.

John Wesley 1703 - Founder of Methodist movement. [That’s what Marlon Brando practised, wasn’t it? - Ed.] No.

John Kay 1709 - Inventor of the flying shuttle [Between Gatwick and Manchester? - Ed.] No.

Diana Mitford 1910 - Poash wummin.

Sam Costa 1910 - Singer, actor and, later, a DJ. [Didn’t he invent takeaway coffee? - Ed.] No.

 

Sam Costa: ‘Good morning, Sir, was there something?’ That was his catchphrase. Oh how we laughed.

James Cameron 1911 - Journo and broadcaster. [Didn’t he make that film about the big boat? - Ed.] No.

Duncan Lamont 1918 - Actor. Station Sgt. Cooper in Dixon of Dock Green. Mind how you go.

Beryl Reid 1919 - Actress.

John Amis 1922 - Broadcaster.

Ken Loach 1936 - Film director. Kes, that was one of his.

Chris Spedding 1944 - Musician. Although he was a sought-after session musician, he only had the one hit, Motor Biking, but you don’t want to hear that. [Don’t we? - Ed.] No. So here’s a bit of Guitar Jamboree.  Yee hah!

Ken Livingstone 1945 - Politician.

Paul Young 1947 - Singer. Worked with Mike and his Mechanics, but had a former career with Sad Cafe. Here’s their hit, Every Day Hurts.

Guy Evans 1947 - Drummy bloke with Van der Graaf Generator. A clip? Indeed. Here’s Wondering.

Ian Cussick 1954 - Singer and songwriter. Here’s a very early hit from his days as a member of Linda and the Funky Boys, [I’m guessing he was a funky boy. - Ed.] Shame Shame Shame.

Nicky Clarke 1958 - Barber.

David Longdon 1965 - Musician and vocalist with Big Big Train. Here’s a little toon he wrote, Uncle Jack.

Arthur Darvill 1982 - Actor. Rev. Paul Coates in Broadchurch.

Lee Ryan 1983 - Singer and actor. A bit of Blue. Have a clip. Here’s their first hit, All Rise.

Jordan Henderson 1990 - Foo’y blurk laik.

Shura 1991 - Musician. Have a clip. Here’s What's It Gonna Be.

Now then, what about the 24th of June?

Brian ‘Jonners’ Johnston 1912 - Broadcaster.

Fred Hoyle 1915 - Astronomer.

Anthony Wager 1932 - Actor. Young Pip in Great Expectations (1946).

Arthur Brown 1942 - Musician. Have a clip. [Hopefully something other than Fire. - Ed.] Here is Arthur Brown’s Kingdom Come with Spirit of Joy.

Julian Holloway 1944 - Actor. Son of Stanley. Did you know he was in A Hard Day’s Night? No? Well, he was. 146 credits on IMBd.

Jeff Beck 1944 - Musician. Let’s have a clip. [Please, not Hi Ho Silver Lining. - Ed.] Here is his cover of Luxembourg’s entry for the 1967 Eurovision Song Contest, L'amour est Bleu.

Chris Wood 1944 - Musician. Founding member of Traffic. A clip? [Not Hole in my Shoe, I beg of you. - Ed.] No, here’s Medicated Goo.

John ‘Charlie’ Whitney 1944 - Musician. Did you know he was in the first band I ever saw live. Yep. Family, Green’s Playhouse, 1971 [Blimey, you’re old. - Ed.] Have a clip. Here’s the rather pleasant Anyway.

Colin Blunstone 1945 - Singer and songwriter. He was a Zombie, you know. Here’s Time of the Season. They were all in their mid-seventies in that live rendition.  Not a bad performance, considering.

Clarissa Dickson Wright 1947 - TV personality. Half of Two Fat Ladies.

Mick Fleetwood 1947 - Drummer with Fleetwood Mac. A clip? [Not Albatross again, surely. - Ed.] No, not Albatross and don’t call me Shirley. Here’s Black Magic Woman.

John Illsley 1949 - Musician. Bassist with Dire Straits throughout the band’s existence. Have a clip. [Not Money for Nothing. - Ed.] Yep. Just to see how how rubbish CGI was 40 years ago. Once again, please enjoy the dodgy video made for Money for Nothing.

Simon Rouse 1951 - Actor. D.C.I. Meadows in The Bill.

Terence Wilson aka Astro 1957 - Musician. A member of UB40 from 1979 to 2013. Have a clip. Here’s a song written and performed by Astro, Rat in Mi Kitchen.

Keith Graham 1958 - Who? Better known as Levi Roots, the man behind Reggae Reggae Sauce.

Andy McCluskey 1959 - Musician. Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark front man. A clip? [Not Enola Gay. - Ed.] No, not Enola Gay. Here is their best performing single which reached number three in the UK charts, Sailing on the Seven Seas.

Curt Smith 1961 - Musician. Half of Tears for Fears. A clip? I should think so. My favourite 80s band.  Here’s a track from 2021's The Tipping Point, the band’s last studio album, called Stay.

Richard Lumsden 1965 - Actor. His first TV role was as Foggy in First of the Summer Wine.

David May 1970 - Footy bloke.

Charles Venn 1973 - Actor. Jacob Masters in Casualty.

Zeb Soanes 1976 - Radio and TV presenter.

Kevin Nolan 1982 - Fyooty bloke.

James McPake 1984 - Fitba guy.

Stuart Broad 1986 - Crickety bloke.

Micah Richards 1988 - Footy bloke.

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Grambly McCluskey,

I have always enjoyed listening to your band, Orgasmic... Hang on. Not orgasmic; that’s not right... I’ve always enjoyed listening to your band, O.M.D. Sailing on the Seven Seas is noted as being your best-performing song, but I thought there was another which also reached number 3, although I can’t remember which. Can you help?

Yours Inquiringly,

Sue Veneer.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Braldokes fare? We won... sort of. 58 pees back from our £2.20 bet. Not so good. Where shall we head this week for our bets? Last time, we headed west to Argentina; let’s head east this week... to Japan. Why not.

All games take place on the 24th of June.

 

Game - Result - Odds

Consadole Sapporo vs Cerezo Osaka - Home win - 20/21

Kashiwa Reysol vs Albirex Niigata - Home win - 5/4

Kyoto Sanga vs Yokohama F.C. - Home win - 5/6

Sanfrecce Hiroshima vs Yokohama F Marinos - Home win - 21/20

Shonan Bellmare vs Sagan Tosu - Home win - 19/20

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£14.48

Oh no. That’s far too whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Northampton in 1996. A striker, I began my senior career at Northampton Town before moving to Newcastle United. During three years at St. James’ Park, I only played twice for Newcastle but was loaned out to Barnsley, Shrewsbury Town, Scunthorpe United and Wigan Athletic. I then moved to Peterborough United before transferring to my present club, Brentford. Unfortunately, due to some breaches of gambling laws, I am currently serving an eight month suspension.

Answer - Ivan Toney

2. Talking of bad boys, which team is managed by Duncan Ferguson?

Answer - Forest Green Rovers

3. Who, at 15 years 181 days, was the youngest ever player in the top flight of English football?

Answer - Ethan Nwaneri

4. Which club plays its home games at Bescot Stadium?

Answer - Walsall (It is also known the Poundland Bescot Stadium)

5. What was the original name of Dundee United?

Answer - Dundee Hibernian

 

Now then, what about five for this week?

1. Who am I?

I was born in 1992 in Winchester, England. A forward, I began my senior career at Bournemouth before moves to Burnley, Liverpool, Southampton, Aston Villa and my present club West Ham.

2. What club is managed by Derek Adams?

3. Which is the oldest club currently playing in the English Football League?

4. Who is the tallest player to play in the English Football League?

5. Which club plays its home games at Brisbane Road?

There you have it; five teasers to test you. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount raised is a little out of date; and with the money from singalongabingo, it is now sitting at...

£71,281

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Ms. B. Reid who provides us with this week’s finisher. Beryl Reid was a popular comedienne and actress in the 1950s and beyond. If she played a part in a film, it tended to be a comedy and she was playing it for laughs. However, she shocked all her fans in 1968 when she played the character of June Buckridge in The Killing of Sister George, a film about the delicate subject (at the time) of lesbian love. She had already won a Tony Award for the stage version in 1967 and was nominated for, but didn’t win, a Golden Globe Award for best actress in a drama (The award went to Joanne Woodward for Rachel, Rachel, a film that is barely remembered now.). The film marked Reid out as a superb character actress and from that time forward she appeared in many more dramatic roles. She would go on to win acting awards for Born in the Gardens and Smiley’s People. It is often said that comedians make good actors, but actors don’t necessarily make good comedians. Beryl Reid proved that beyond doubt.

But, come on, this is thegrambler.com, surely you’re not going to end with something serious are you, I hear you ask. Of course not. We end with a sketch from her show Beryl Reid Says Good Evening... Please enjoy, The Crossword Sketch... The Crossword Sketch.

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Post 479 Grambling back in style

 Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…

 

Your letters...

Sir,

I have noticed that there is a striking resemblance Casemiro, the well-known Manchester United midfielder, and a capybara. They both come from Brazil. Are they in any way related?

Ken Furlow.

 

Story time...

Earworm - (noun) An irritatingly catchy tune.

You know the feeling, don’t you? You are driving along in your car and a catchy song is playing and you start humming or whistling along to it. Later in the same day, you are still humming/whistling the same annoying song because you can’t get the damned thing out of your head. That is an earworm.

But have you ever had a long-term earworm? A tune that you enjoy hearing and you want to find out what it is, but don’t know who to ask. It can take weeks, months or even years before you find out. Let me explain by giving you some examples of when this has happened to me and, in doing so, give my reason for this week’s topic.

Many, many, many years ago when I was but a whippersnapper, I was walking through my local branch of Boots the chemist. Back then, surprisingly, Boots sold records. This particular store often had music from a newly released record playing. Usually, the songs played were instantly recognisable; an album track from Slade, or ELO or Status Quo [You really are old, aren’t you? - Ed.], however, on one occasion, something a little bit different was being played and it was totally unrecognisable. It was an instrumental that seemed to be just played on a synthesiser and there was something about it that was almost hypnotic. After leaving the store, I couldn’t get this beautiful music out of my head. I was hooked. I just had to have it. I went back into the store on the next evening after finishing work and asked the assistant about the weird ethereal music that had been playing the day before. He knew exactly what I was talking about and told me it was by Tomato. Minutes later, I was the proud owner of the album Snowflakes are Dancing, subtitled The newest sound of Debussy, by Isao Tomita... so the shop assistant was close. It was the first time I had actually listened to Claude Debussy’s music and I have loved his work ever since that time. Here is the track that captured my imagination, Arabesque No. 1.

Incidentally, if any of you visited the Blackpool Tower aquarium back in the 1980s and 90s, you will recognise the piece immediately. Much of the album was played on a loop. It suited the environment admirably.

Right, that was an earworm that bugged me for a little more than 24 hours. The next one I refer to happened about the same time, but bugged me for a bit longer.

I had been watching the only serious music programme on the TV in those days, The Old Grey Whistle Test. Would you like to know the source of that title? There are several stories claiming to give the origin, but my favourite goes that the name was derived from the days of Tin Pan Alley, where records were written and recorded. Any new record would be played in the building with the windows open onto a lane that ran by the studios. There would be rough tramp types (old greys) living in the lane and if, after a play or two, they whistled the tune, it was said to have passed the test. Probably a load of old bollokins, but a good story all the same.

Now, where was I? Oh yes, watching TOGWT (as it became known). A brilliant track was being played. I recall a colourful animated film fitting the song perfectly. It was an immediate earworm for me. Again, it was an instrumental piece and, this time, I did know the artist: Pink Floyd. I decided to go to my local record shop (strangely, not Boots on this occasion) and buy the record. Obviously, it would be an album; no serious music afficionado bought singles. Pah! They were for kids. The shelves were stacked with Pink Floyd’s latest album. Oh, I see, the only reason that track had been on Whistle Test was to increase sales. Smart. And so, a couple of pound notes were exchanged for a copy of Dark Side of the Moon. Factoid: Did you know that it is the seventh biggest-selling album of all time? Oh, you did. Never mind, then.

Any road up, I took this album home and placed it on my Dansette record player [You’re even older than I thought. - Ed.] and listened for the brilliant tune I had heard just a few nights earlier. Guess what. It wasn’t there. Wrong album.

It would be years before I found out that the name of the track I was expecting to hear was One of These Days from the album Meddle, which was released two years prior to Dark Side of the Moon.

I had an even longer wait for my next earworm to be given a title. Even before that muddle with Meddle (Do you see what did there?) I had watched a film called The Horse’s Mouth. It starred Alec Guinness as an eccentric artist who lived on a houseboat. That’s all I recall of the film itself, but the music was a big part of the film and I enjoyed a particularly jaunty little piece that often got played. Guess what. I didn’t have a clue what it was.

Over the years, the tune would be played on programmes as a bit of background music for an amusing film item, say. It didn’t help me, though.

Some thirty years after seeing that film, I was talking to a workmate about music. We both had a love of classical stuff. I introduced him to ‘the newest sound of Debussy’; he introduced me to Prokofiev and lent me a cd of the composer’s work. I remember enjoying Romeo and Juliet and realised that I knew most of Peter and The Wolf. What I didn’t know, or at least thought I didn’t know, was Lieutenant Kijé. It was the music which Prokofiev had written to accompany a 1934 film of the same name which covers the ‘life’ of an individual whose very existence was due to a colossal clerical cockup and because no-one would own up to making the error, the mistake was covered up and Kijé’s existence was documented from birth to death, with even a fictitious marriage thrown in for good measure. It sounds like a decent plot, that’ll be why Hollywood hasn’t covered it, then. The music was a five-piece suite; each piece covering a period in Kijé’s life.

Anyway, In the middle of the suite there it was... the clip from that Alec Guinness film. After so many years, I had found my jaunty little piece. [Ooer missus. - Ed.] Have a listen and see if you can spot it.

Imagine that; thirty years 'til I found out the name of a tune. Wait. There’s more. Here is the reason I am writing this piece.

When I was but a nipper, there was an advert on the television for Summer County margarine, I think. I can’t really remember, it was that long ago. What I can remember is the music that accompanied the ad. It wasn’t a classical piece but it certainly wasn’t modern-sounding. At that very early age, I just thought it was a lovely piece of music. Did I know its name? Of course not. How long 'til I would find out its name? Erm... 60 years...ish.

I was at a funeral very recently and, as is the norm these days, a favourite tune of the deceased was played at some point during the service. This guy’s choice? That tune from the marge ad of the early 1960s. Finally, I know its name. I can die a happy man. It is called Elizabethan Serenade.

There you have, a musical lifetime in just a few paragraphs. What have you learned? Probably just that I have a weird taste in music.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? We’re covering a few week’s here, so strap in tightly...

Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 20th of May? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

John Stuart Mill 1806 - ‘The most influential English-speaking philosopher of the nineteenth century.’

Jimmy James 1892 - Comedian.

Peter Copley 1915 - Actor. Dr. Richard Montagu in The Foundation. 203 IMDb credits in a career spanning 70 years.

Betty Driver 1920 - Actress. Betty Turpin/Williams in Coronation Street. She was in 2679 episodes.

 

Betty Driver in her pre hotpot days

Peter Hughes 1922 - Jobbing actor. One of those faces that cropped up everywhere. Often played unnamed characters such as Man on train, Factory foreman, Porter, Fire officer, Party guest, Ticket collector, Steward, Porter, Postman, Butler and (my favourite) Cheeky man. I recall him as the father in a series of Kellogg’s Cornflake adverts.

Elizabeth Bradley 1922 - Actress. Maud Grimes in Coronation Street.

Neil McCallum 1929 - Actor. Played Angelo James in Vendetta.

Roy Heather 1935 - Actor. Sid in Only Fools and Horses.

Lynn Davies 1942 - Dyn sy'n neidio.

Frew McMillan 1942 - Tennisy blike.

Martin Honeysett 1943 - Cartoonist.

Joe Cocker 1944 - Singer. Have a clip. Here’s the one that got him noticed, With a Little Help from My Friends. [That was a lot better than Ringo’s version. - Ed.]

Keith Fletcher 1944 - Crickety bloke.

Greg Dyke 1947 - TV executive.

Nick Heyward 1961 - Musician. Singer with Haircut One Hundred before embarking on a solo career. Here’s a solo effort from 2017 entitled The Stars.

Owen Teale 1961 - Actor. Conor Devlin in Ballykissangel.

Brian ‘Nasher’ Nash 1963 - Musician. Guitarist with Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Have a clip, here’s War followed by Two Tribes.

Jenny Funnell 1963 - Actress. Sandy in As Time Goes By.

Charles Spencer 1964 - Posh bloke.

Louis Theroux 1970 - Documentary maker.

Tina Hobley 1972 - Actress and DJ. Chrissie Williams in Holby City.

Graham Potter 1975 - Footy bloke.

Jessica Raine 1982 - Actress. Lucy in The Devil’s Hour.

Chris Froome 1985 - Bike racey bloke.

Robert Emms 1986 - Actor. Thomas in His Dark Materials.

Josh O’Connor 1990 - Actor. Lawrence Durrell in The Durrells.

Now, what about the 27th of May?

Arnold Bennett 1867 - Author with a rather nice omelette named in his honour.

Frank Woolley 1887 - Crickety bloke.

John Cockcroft 1897 - Physicist. Factoid: He switched on the Atomic Station Scottish Research Reactor in 1963 here in Polomint City.

Harry Webster 1917 - Automotive engineer.

Bob Godfrey 1921 - Animator. Famous for his jerky style. Roobarb (and Custard) was one of his.

Ivor Slaney 1921 - Composer. Here’s one of his, Carlos' Theme.

Christopher Lee 1922 - Actor. Lord Summerisle in The Wicker Man. 287 credits on IMDb in a career lasting over 70 years.

Peter Ling 1926 - TV writer. Co-creator of Crossroads.

Brian Cowgill 1927 - TV executive.

Jeffrey Bernard 1932 - Journalist. Subject of Keith Waterhouse’s play Jeffrey Bernard Is Unwell.

Billy Stark 1937 - Fitba guy.

Piers Courage 1942 - Racey car bloke.

Cilla Black 1943 - Singer, it says here. I could give you a lorra lorra clips, but I’ll just you the one. Here’s her first ever single, Love of the Loved.

Lewis Collins 1946 - Actor. Bodie in The Professionals.

John Conteh 1951 - Boxery bloke.

Danny McGrain 1953 - Fitba guy.

Susan Ballion aka Siouxsie Sioux 1957 - Singer with the Banshees. Let’s have another clip. Here’s the group’s first hit, Hong Kong Garden.

Duncan Goodhew 1957 - Swimmy bloke.

Gerard Kelly 1959 - Actor. Willie Melvin in City Lights.

Heston Blumenthal 1966 - He cooks food.

Paul Gascoigne 1967 - Foo’y blurk, laik.

Rebekah Brooks 1968 - Journo.

Joseph Fiennes 1970 - Actor. Will Shakespeare in Shakespeare in Love.

Lee Sharpe 1971 - Footy bloke.

Petroc Trelawny 1971 - Broadcaster and not a character out of a Jane Austen novel.

Paul Bettany 1972 - Actor. Ian Campbell in A Very British Scandal.

Denise van Outen 1974 - Actress, model, singer, TV presenter, voiceover artist... in fact, a right old smarty boots. Factoid: She added the ‘van’ in her name to make it sound more interesting claiming that her ancestors were all Dutch.

Jamie Oliver 1975 - He cooks food like that Heston Bloomingtwerp bloke.

Derek Young 1980 - Fitba guy.

And now, let’s hear it for the 3rd of June...

Henry Shrapnel 1761 - Army officer and b****** who devised the horrific shell that bears his name.

Neil Munro 1863 - Writer who gave us the Clyde puffer, Vital Spark and its skipper Para Handy.

George V 1865 - The well-known monarch and philatelist (They can’t touch you for it.).

Zoltan Korda 1895 - Film screenwriter, director and producer. Alexander’s wee bro.

William Douglas Home 1912 - Posh political bloke who also turned his hand to writing plays.

Derek Godfrey 1924 - Actor. One of those faces that turned up in all sorts of British dramas in the 1960s and 70s. Robert Kennedy (No, not that one.) in The Pallisers.

Arnold Peters 1925 - Actor. Played Jack Woolley in The Archers for 43 years.

Thomas Winning 1925 - Churchy bloke.

Ian Hunter 1939 - Singer [Singer!? - Ed.] with Mott the Hoople. A clip? Why not. Here’s Roll Away The Stone.

Anita Harris 1944 - Singer and actress. Have another clip. Here’s Trains and Boats and Planes.

Bill Paterson 1945 - Actor. Dad in Fleabag.

Brian Barnes 1945 - Golfy bloke.

Mickey Finn 1947 - The drummy bloke from T. Rex. Have a clip. Here’s Ride a White Swan.

Clive Shakespeare 1947 - Musician. Guitarist with Sherbet. This one reached number one... in Australia. Here’s Summer Love.

John Moulder-Brown 1953 - Actor. Felix Krull in The Confessions of Felix Krull.

George Burley 1956 - Fitba guy.

Clive Mantle 1957 - Actor. Mike Barratt in Casualty.

Cameron Sharp 1958 - Runny bloke.

Ed Wynne 1961 - Musician. Main man of my absolute favourite band, Ozric Tentacles. Have a clip. Here’s Space for the Earth.

Les Bubb 1969 - Mime artist.

Kelly Jones 1974 - Stereophonics frontman. A clip? Go on then. Here’s the band’s first top ten hit The Bartender and the Thief.

Jodie Whittaker 1982 - Actress. Doctor Who number 13.

Michelle Keegan 1987 - Actress. Kate Thorne in Ten Pound Poms.

Nicky Clark 1991 - Fitba guy.

And finally, let’s have a big welcome for those born on the 10th of June...

James Stuart 1688 - Known as the Old Pretender [Woo oo woo oo. - Ed.]. Claimed to be James III of England (VIII of Scotland).

Harry Wragg 1902 - Horse racey bloke.

Terence Rattigan 1911 - Playwright. The Winslow Boy, that was one of his.

Bill Waddington 1916 - Actor. Percy er... Sugden in er... Coronation Street.

Barry Morse 1918 - Actor. President Johnny Cyclops in Whoops Apocalypse.

Prince Philip 1921 - The well-known duke famous for putting his size ten in it.

Ludvik Hoch aka Robert Maxwell aka the Bouncing Czech 1923 - Newspaper owner and crook (allegedly).

Lionel Jeffries 1926 - Actor. Granpa Potts in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Ian Campbell 1933 - Folk singer. Had a hit with the Dylan song, The Times They Are A Changing.  Factoid: Did you know Ian was UB40's Ally and Robin Campbell's dad?  Neither did I till I wrote this.  Today has not been wasted.

Joe McBride 1938 - Fitba guy. Played for Motherwell, you know.

Gordon Burns 1942 - Journalist and broadcaster. He also presented The Krypton Factor.

Terence Higgins 1945 - AIDS victim after whom the charity is named.

Benny Gallagher 1945 - Musician. Here he is with Graham Lyle performing Breakaway.

Beryl Marsden 1947 - Singer. Have a clip. Here’s I Only Care About You.

Phil Redmond 1949 - TV producer and screenwriter. He created Grange Hill, Brookside and Hollyoaks

Duncan McKenzie 1950 - Footy bloke. Factoid: He could jump over a mini being driven at him. It was a dangerous stunt and one his manager banned him from ever doing again once he found out about it.

Lindsay Hoyle 1957 - Politician. Speaker in the House of Commons.

Max Elliott aka Maxi Priest 1961 - Singer and songwriter. Here’s his biggest hit, Wild World.

Stuart McCall 1964 - Footy bloke. He managed Motherwell, you know.

Ben Daniels 1964 - Actor. Lord Snowdon in The Crown.

Elizabeth Hurley 1965 - Actress, it says here. Vanessa Kensington in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery.

Andy Millen 1965 - Fitba guy.

David Platt 1966 - Footy bloke.

Chris Coleman 1970 - Dyn pêl-droed

Kwasi Dankwah aka Tinchy Stryder 1986 - Singer (well... rapper) and songwriter. Here’s Stryderman.

Aaron Hickey 2002 - Fitba guy.

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Grambli Priest,

It was lovely to hear the old Cat Stevens song, Wild World, given the reggae treatment. Did you have any more top ten records?

Yours devotedly,

Chloe Stirr-Yew.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Drablokes fare? How should I know? It was weeks ago. Hang on a mo; I’ll have a look... Oh. I wish I hadn’t bothered. We lost. Not a penny back. Oh well.

Listen, since it all happened so long ago, let’s not bother with match reports and all that. Let’s just try and conjure up something to back this week, now that UK football has packed its bags and gone on holiday. I know, let’s head to Argentina Primera and Primera B divisions. [Do you think that’s wise? - Ed.] Yeah. Let’s go for it.

All games take place between the 10th and 12th of June.

 

Game - Result - Odds

Newell’s Old Boys vs Union de Santa Fe - Home win - 20/21

San Lorenzo de Almagro vs Central Cordoba - Home win - 4/5

Banfield vs River Plate - Away win - 8/11

San Martin de San Juan vs Alvarado - Home win - 4/6

Agropecuario Argentino vs Atletico Guemes - 7/10

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£9.70

Totally unwhopping. An insult to the word.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in São Gonçalo, Rio de Janeiro in 2000, I began my senior career at Flamengo in 2017, moving to my present club, Real Madrid in 2018 for the sum of £38 million, the highest amount paid for any player under the age n n n n nineteen. I scored the winning goal in the 2022 Champions League Cup Final. I have been capped for Brazil 21 times.

Answer - Vinícius Júnior

2. Who has managed... deep breath... Sheffield United, Huddersfield Town, Wigan Athletic (twice), Crystal Palace, Birmingham City, Sunderland, Hull City, Aston Villa, Sheffield Wednesday, Newcastle United and West Bromwich Albion?

Answer - Steve Bruce

3. Who was the youngest player to have played for Chelsea in the Premier League?

Answer - Jody Morris (17 years 44 days)

4. Who is Leeds United’s all-time highest goalscorer?

Answer - Peter Lorimer (238)

5. Which club plays its home games at Recreation Park?

Answer - Alloa Athletic

Shall we have five for this week? Yes, why not...

1. Who am I?

I was born in Northampton in 1996. A striker, I began my senior career at Northampton Town before moving to Newcastle United. During three years at St. James’ Park, I only played twice for Newcastle but was loaned out to Barnsley, Shrewsbury Town, Scunthorpe United and Wigan Athletic. I then moved to Peterborough United before transferring to my present club, Brentford. Unfortunately, due to some breaches of gambling laws, I am currently serving an eight month suspension.

2. Talking of bad boys, which team is managed by Duncan Ferguson?

3. Who, at 15 years 181 days, was the youngest ever player in the top flight of English football?

4. Which club plays its home games at Bescot Stadium?

5. What was the original name of Dundee United?

There you have it; five teasers to test you. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount raised is a little out of date; it is now sitting at...

£68,704

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. L. Bubb, a mime artist who provides us with this week’s finisher. A mime artist? I hear you ask in your best Lady Bracknell voice. I know, I know, mime is not my favourite type of act either, but this guy is different. He really is. In fact, I would go as far as saying he is bloody brilliant. Ladeez and genullum, I give you Les Bubb!

 

 

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.