Saturday 29 October 2016

Week 13 - The Grambler on Dad's Army


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

We bid another farewell to someone from the business known as show this week. Jimmy Perry has popped his clogs aged just 93. Who, you ask. Jimmy Perry, the creator of Dad’s Army.

Success came fairly late to Mr Perry. He was 45 before Dad’s Army, his first sitcom, was first broadcast. The situation revolved around his own memories of wartime service in the Home Guard; the Dad’s Army of the title. His next big success was similarly based on his own memories; It Ain’t Half Hot Mum was based on his wartime experiences in Burma with the Royal Artillery. His third big success, Hi-De-Hi, once again used his own recollections; on this occasion, his time spent as a ‘Redcoat’ at Butlins.

Although, the later two were hugely popular, his earliest creation, Dad’s Army is perhaps remembered with the most fondness. Why is this? It had a lot to do with it dealing with a subject that much of the British population of the time (it was first broadcast only 23 years after the war ended) had experienced. Hi-De-Hi did cover an experience familiar to many people, but not one that everybody could recognise. It Ain’t Half Hot Mum, for all its success, was really only about the experiences of Jimmy Perry and others who found themselves stationed in an army barracks in a faraway land.

Of course, it has been said of situation comedies that ‘situation’ is irrelevant. Porridge? Set in a jail. MASH? Set in a field hospital in a warzone. [Mash? Porridge? Has this turned into a food blog? - Ed.] As long as a sitcom is well-written and has memorable acting, the situation doesn’t matter. In that case, why is Dad’s Army still being repeated on the Beeb Beeb Ceeb to this day, 39 years after the last ever episode first aired, while It Ain’t Half Hot Mum and Hi-De-Hi haven’t been seen for donkey’s years? Is it because it recalled a time that so many people could relate to? My own explanation is more prosaic (That’s a good word; must look it up.).

Dad’s Army was Jimmy Perry’s first comedy success. Perhaps, when he was writing it, he thought it might be his only success. I reckon that Jimmy Perry put all his best characters, stories and lines into that programme and those that followed just couldn’t match it. To me, It Ain’t Half Hot Mum was not especially funny. The characters, generally, were fairly unmemorable. Think of all the characters from Dad’s Army - from Pike’s immaturity, to Jones’ over-excitedness, to Mainwaring’s pomposity - each had enough ‘foibles’ to make him memorable. Can you even name anyone from It Ain’t Half Hot? Lofty? Does that count?

I have to admit, I barely gave Hi-De-Hi a chance. After watching the first couple of episodes, I didn’t tune in again. I found the gags to be a bit laboured and the characters not particularly memorable, or likeable, for that matter. My view was that Perry’s best work was over; nothing even came close to Dad’s Army.

Obviously, I was in the minority, because It Ain’t Half Hot Mum ran for seven years; Hi-De-Hi ran for eight. After those two bit the dust, Perry dreamed up another sitcom called You Rang M’Lord. It took a few actors from Hi-De-Hi and a few from It Ain’t Half Hot Mum and put them all into another situation; though all were, basically, reprising the roles they had played in the originals.

The expression ‘flogging a dead horse’ comes to mind.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Are you showing any interest in the EFL Cup (or League Cup in old money)? If you answered ‘not much’, you are probably still giving it more attention than the managers of the teams that are taking part in the competition. On Tuesday night a team named Liverpool beat a team called Tottenham Hotspur. I put it that way because neither was a team that had ever played in a serious game before. Klopp put out a Liverpool side that had eleven... yes eleven... changes from the team that had played in the previous Saturday’s game against West Brom. A completely different team! Spurs’ manager Pochettino wasn’t much better; he changed ten in the starting eleven from the previous game. The fans are still having to shell out £20 to see them. That may seem a low price to see two Premiershit sides squaring up to each other, but they weren’t watching Premiershit sides, were they? They were watching two second-string teams.

Why is the cup even in existence if the top teams just aren’t interested? It wasn’t just Liverpool and Spurs making mass changes to the starting line-ups (although they were the worst offenders); there were ten Premiershit teams taking part in the EFL Cup this week and there were, in all, 70 changes to team line-ups. It isn’t fair on the supporters and it isn’t fair on the teams from the lower divisions. Basically, it is a rip-off.

I can recall a situation many years ago [Uh oh. Hovis time - Ed.] when my own favoured team, Motherwell took on ex-Rangers goalkeeper Andy Goram. He was a big money signing as far as Motherwell were concerned and, although his best years were behind him, he was still a pretty good goalie. Certainly, he was considered to be better than Stevie Woods who barely got a game after Goram was signed... that is until the first time Motherwell played Celtic when Goram and Woods swapped places. Why did this happen? Well, Goram had once been the keeper for Rangers for many years and, as you may well be aware, Rangers fans are not too keen on Celtic and Celtic fans are less than ecstatic about Rangers. Celtic fans were certainly not fans of Mr Goram; he had made it quite clear during his spell at Rangers that the feeling was mutual. Football fans have long memories. This was the main consideration when Billy Davies, the Motherwell manager, dropped Goram from the first team for the meeting with Celtic. He knew perfectly well that Goram would be heckled, booed and worse from the start to the end of the game so, to avoid any trouble, the safest option was to simply not play him.

Why am I telling you this? When the team was announced for the game, the radio pundits and presenters in Scotland had a field day. The main complaint was that football managers had a duty to the club and the fans to field the strongest team they possibly could. As the Motherwell manager was not doing this, there should be a punishment. The suggestions for a fit punishment included deducting points from the club, fining the manager, fining the club and even ejection from the SPL. The feeling on the matter was so high that it was discussed for hours before the game and for weeks afterwards.

That was caused by one substitution Messrs Klopp and Pochettino. If you had tried substituting a whole team in Scotland, I hate to think what punishment the Scottish media-men would have suggested for you. It’s a long time since anyone has been hanged, drawn and quartered.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Did any famous or notorious folk come into this world on the 29th of October? I think there might be one or two. Edmund Halley 1656 (Designed the first jet airliner, or something.), James Boswell 1740 (Character in Bread.), Fanny Brice 1891 (Looked a bit like Barbra Streisand.), Joseph Goebbels 1897 (The last one mentioned in Colonel Bogey.), Akim Tamiroff 1899 (Armenian comic actor... three words that don’t sit too well together.), Robert Hardy 1925 (Ectaw dear leddie. Played James Herriot’s boss.), Denny Laine 1944 (A Moody Blue and a Wing.), Melba Moore 1945 (Singer. Do you want to know her biggest hit. This is it. That was it. This is it. Do you want to hear it? Well, this is it... Ladeez and genullum I give you This is It. ), Peter Green 1946 (Man of the world.), Richard Dreyfuss (Trivia: he auditioned for The Sound of Music in 1965.), Kate Jackson 1948 (Angel. Ask Charlie.), Dan Castellaneta 1957 (Mmm... Homer Simpson.), Randy Jackson 1961 (A Jackson. Not Michael.), Rufus Sewell 1967 (Estaw dear leddie. His ambition? To have an omelette named after him. I’m going to ask for a Rufus Sewell omelette next time I go to a restaurant and then walk out when they can’t provide one.), Edwin van der Sar 1970 (Dutch Footie bloke.), Phillip Cocu 1970 (Another Dutch footie bloke.), Winona Ryder 1971 (Shopfitter. Sorry, meant shoplifter.), Robert Pires 1973 (French footie bloke.) and Michael Vaughn 1974 (Crickety bloke.),

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. What happened last week? We only won 70 pees. Utter rubbish, or what? What went wrong? Read on...

 

Burnley vs Everton - Prediction Away win

Result - Burnley 2 Everton 1

Boo!

Scott Arfield's 90th-minute winner gave Burnley their third win of the season in a match dominated by Everton at Turf Moor.

It had looked like Yannick Bolasie's first Everton goal had earned his side a point before Arfield fired home after Johann Berg Gudmundsson's fierce shot rebounded off the crossbar.

Kevin Mirallas nearly gave the visitors an early lead but an error by Everton keeper Maarten Stekelenburg allowed Sam Vokes to poke Burnley in front.

Bolasie stole the ball off team-mate Romelu Lukaku before firing across home keeper Tom Heaton to equalise.

Lukaku was twice close to making it 2-1 to the Toffees but Michael Keane and Heaton both made crucial clearances with the Belgium striker ready to pounce.

 

Leicester vs Crystal Palace - Prediction Home win

Result - Leicester 3 Crystal Palace 1

Yay!

Leicester stretched their unbeaten home run to 20 league games as the Foxes followed up their midweek Champions League win with victory over Crystal Palace.

Summer signing Ahmed Musa scored his first goal for the club, while Shinji Okazaki and Christian Fuchs struck after the break - the latter's effort a superb volley - to secure a convincing win.

Yohan Cabaye scored a consolation for the Londoners.

 

Brentford vs Barnsley - Prediction Home win

Result - Brentford 0 Barnsley 2

Boo!

Adam Armstrong put the Tykes ahead as Conor Hourihane's free-kick was nodded down by Marley Watkins and fired in.

Scott Hogan had a fine chance to level as he got in behind the visitors' defence, but Adam Davies was quick off his line to deny the Brentford forward his ninth goal of the season.

The win was sealed when Ryan Kent hit the post and Sam Winnall pounced.

 

Dunfermline vs Hibernian - Prediction Away win

Result - Dunfermline 1 Hibs 3

Yay!

Nate Wedderburn deflected in a James Keatings strike, Grant Holt converted a penalty and Brian Graham added a last-minute shot for the visitors.

The Pars led at the interval through Kallum Higginbotham's spot kick.

The struggling hosts, with one league win in nine, lost Michael Moffat to a straight red card in stoppage time.

 

Falkirk vs Raith - Prediction Home win

Result - Falkirk 2 Raith 4

BOOOOO!

Iain Davidson gave Raith the lead with a close range strike but within 60 seconds John Baird took advantage of poor defending to equalise.

Mark Stewart headed in another for Raith then set up Declan McManus to make it 3-1.

Substitute Lee Miller pulled one back with another header, but two minutes later Stewart netted Rovers fourth.

They’ll be dancing in the streets of Raith!

 

Aye well, onward and upward. I wonder if The Grambler can improve on that this week. Hmm... think I may have said that before. Any road up, what has he/she/it come up with this week?
 

Game - Result - Odds

Ipswich vs Rotherham - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Scunthorpe vs Swindon - Prediction Home win - 8/11

Sheffield Utd vs MK Dons - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Accrington Stanley vs Newport - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Doncaster vs Wycombe - Prediction Home win - 4/5

 

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£10.37

Comparatively whopping, I think.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which two brothers played in the same match at both the 2010 and 2014 World Cup Finals, but played for opposing sides. The answer was Kevin-Prince Boateng playing for Ghana and Jerome Boateng who played for Germany.

One for this week? In the 2008-9 season which goalkeeper set a world league clean sheet record by not conceding a goal for 1311 minutes? That’s over 14 games without letting a goal in, incidentally. A good one to ask down the pub.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Mr J. Perry who, as you already know, created Dad’s Army. Did you also know that one tiny section of one episode of Dad’s Army was voted by the british public (who presumably were bothered) as the single funniest moment ever in any television situation comedy? That is quite an accolade, when you consider some other great moments... What about Basil Fawlty hitting his car with a tree branch? Del Boy falling through the bar? The Two Ronnies’ four candles sketch? No. They all lagged behind this moment from Dad's Army.

 
 

 
Happy grambling.

 

Sunday 23 October 2016

Week 12 - The Grambler on the retirement of Bruce Forsyth


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

In the week when Ched Evans has been cleared, on appeal, of any wrongdoing when he (and others) had sex with a 19 year old woman, there have been many articles written relating to the implications of the case. Here, in full, is one such...

The issue of rape cannot be separated from a society that commodifies women and sexuality, and demeans both men and women, argues Judy Cox

In 1982, a man was found guilty of raping a teenager. He was let off with a small fine because the judge decreed that the 17-year-old was guilty of ‘contributory negligence’ because she hitched a lift. Decisions like this one prompted many young women like me to become politically active, to protest against the way rape victims were treated. We went on Reclaim the Night marches with the slogan, ‘Whatever she wears, wherever she goes, yes means yes and no means no’.

Back then, many believed that sexually active women could not be raped, that husbands could not rape wives, that the only rapists wielded knives and wore balaclavas. This week’s retrial of Ched Evans risks turning the clock back to those days.

Those accused of rape deserve a fair trial and no doubt some are not guilty. However, the way this retrial was conducted erodes the hard won legal protections women have gained. Firstly, the woman involved had her right to anonymity blown away on the internet and has been persecuted as a result. This will intimidate women who have been raped from coming forward.

Secondly, intimate details of the woman’s sex life were heard in court. Experts have argued that this does not set a precedent for future cases as there were specific reasons why the woman’s sex life was relevant in this case. This is rubbish. The issue was consent, whether the woman consented, or whether Evans believed that she had. There is no way that who she slept with before or after could affect the issue of consent at the time.

Thirdly, the judge gave the jury a ‘route to a verdict’ which included her opinion that, ‘drunken consent is still consent’. A Crown Prosecution Service guide states that prosecutors should focus on what a suspect has done to seek consent and the extent to which a victim is capable of giving consent. It is reported that Evans did not say a word to the woman before, during or after the incident, so one obvious way of obtaining consent was ignored. He did not ask her.

We have a very serious problem with rape in this country. We have one of the lowest conviction rates in Europe, with something like 100,000 rapes every year and only 1,070 convictions, according to the Ministry of Justice. This is despite the fact that 85% of women know their attacker. The same report suggests that women do not report rapes or drop out of legal proceedings because they feel embarrassed, or fear that they will be blamed.

While recorded rapes have doubled in the last four years, the percentage resulting in a conviction has fallen. The police are often resistant to pursuing rape cases. Figures from 2014 revealed that 1,500 rape allegations had simply been filed as ‘no crimes’. A strong media focus on the very low number of false rape accusations creates a climate in which victims are systematically suspected of lying. Rape within marriage was only recognised in 1991 and many still see so-called ‘date rape’ as a lesser crime. Attitudes that blame women for being drunk, flirtatious or dressed in a certain way persist in our society.

The issue of rape cannot be separated from a society that commodifies women and sexuality, and demeans both men and women. We have to challenge the sexist attitudes of the media and the courts toward rape cases. There are many willing to campaign to defend women’s right to choose whom they sleep with and to defend rape victims’ anonymity and right to be believed. We must also raise the possibility of genuinely free and equal sexual relationships, free from the alienation and oppression bred by the system we live in.

 

Whilst wholeheartedly agreeing with the article and the points it makes, I have a bit of a problem with this particular case. Ched Evans was never accused of rape; he was accused of having non-consensual sex with the young woman. She claimed that she had been drunk and could remember nothing of the incident. She suggested that her drink had been spiked. It was the following day that she was persuaded by friends to report the incident to the police.

Okay, there was something untoward went on that night. As I mentioned, Evans wasn’t the only person to have indulged in sex with the girl. That is definitely wrong. Even so, if she was bothered by what had taken place, I cannot understand why she waited until listening to friends before speaking to the police. Was it anything to do with her realisation that Evans was a top level footballer?

You may suggest a typical Grambler cynicism here, but what if? What if Evans was, indeed, innocent of any crime? His career as a footballer was brought to an abrupt halt by the charge. He was jailed for two and a half years after being found guilty. Five years after the incident, he has been declared innocent of the charge. He has lost five years of a career that is short-lived, anyway. Those five years were when he should have been at the top of his game. His career was ruined. If he was innocent, the whole affair was a serious ‘miscarriage of justice’ as journalists would say.

I want to tell you a little story. Years ago, a friend of mine was a rookie policeman, pounding the beat in a less salubrious part of Glasgow. On one particular nightshift, after closing time of the nearby public house, he and his partner, a more senior officer, heard noises coming from the entry to a tenement block. As they got closer, they realised that the sounds were from a young couple making love. Both were definitely enjoying the moment... Those involved in the sexual act, not the policemen. My friend then made a mistake which, in hindsight, he wishes he hadn’t have made. He shone his torch. The couple saw the two policemen and immediately stopped what they were doing. What happened next came as a shock not only to my friend and his colleague but, more especially, to the young man involved in this coupling. The girl claimed that she was being raped. Thus, the young man had to be charged. The girl stuck to her story throughout questioning and the subsequent court case. The young guy was jailed for four years.

What point am I making? Basically, don’t indulge in casual sex. There could be serious repurcussions. Many lives can be changed by a simple act of indulgence. Both of the above stories should provide a warning to any budding young Lotharios. To finish, I will direct you to a link of a short message from Charlie McDonnell. Who, I hear you ask. Charlie McDonnell is a young YouTube ‘personality’. Here, he gives some real wisdom regarding this week’s topic, consent .

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Did any famous or notorious folk come into this world on the 22nd of October? I think there might be a few. Franz Liszt 1811 (Composer often associatred with Brahms as an example of rhyming slang.), Carl Fuchs 1838 (Another composer. Think it’s pronounced foosh. Hope so.), Sarah Bernhardt 1844 (Ectress Francais. ‘He who is incapable of feeling strong passions, of being shaken by anger, of living in every sense of the word, will never be a good actor.’ Yeah... right.), Joan Fontaine 1917 (Another ectress. Sister of Olivia de Havilland. Apparently, they hated one another... ‘I married first, won the Oscar before Olivia did, and if I die first, she'll undoubtedly be livid because I beat her to it!’), Doris Lessing 1919 (Author. Won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 2007 making her the oldest ever recipient.), Timothy Leary 1920 (Pot head... Time to ‘drop out,’ ‘turn on,’ and ‘tune in.’), Bert Trautmann 1923 (Goalkeeper who famously played on after breaking his neck during a match. A factoid I’ve told you before. Here’s another, then. Because he played his football for Manchester City - 545 appearances in 15 years - German Trautmann spoke English with a Lancashire accent.), Dory Previn 1925 (Sir Andrew Preview’s wife.), Lev Yashin 1929 (Another goalkeeper. Actually, not just another goalkeeper; he is widely acknowledged to have been the greatest goalie ever.), Derek Jacobi 1938 (Ectaw dear leddie. Done all the great roles...Yes, my name is Iggle Piggle, Iggle Piggle wiggle niggle woo.), Tony Roberts 1939 (Member of Woody Allen’s troupe of ectaws.), George Cohen 1939 (Footy bloke), Catherine Deneuve 1943 (Ectress Francais. Has never actually appeared on stage.), Mike Hendrick 1948 (Crickety bloke.), Arsene Wenger 1949 (‘No matter how much money you earn, you can only eat three meals a day and sleep in one bed.’ Is that what you told those greedy f******* Ozil and Sanchez when they asked for a pay rise?), Orville Richard Burrell 1968 (Who? Shaggy? What? Scooby Doo’s pal?), Spike Jonze 1969 (Dyslexic film director.), Mitchel van der Gaag 1971 (Ex Motherwell footy bloke.) and Zac Hanson 1985 (Mmmmm bop.).

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. What happened last week? We won. Yay! No. not yay. We won £1.79 pees, so we actually lost 41 pees on our £2.20 bet. How did that happen? Read on...

 

West Bromwich Albion vs Spurs - Prediction Away win

Result - West Brom 1 Spurs 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Dele Alli's equaliser a minute from time ensured Tottenham maintained their unbeaten start to the season and remained within a point of Premier League leaders Manchester City.

Nacer Chadli's late goal for West Brom seemed set to inflict an unlikely first defeat of the season on in-form Spurs.

 

Wimbledon vs Swindon - Prediction Home win

Result - Wimbledon 0 Swindon 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

AFC Wimbledon's Lyle Taylor saw a first-half penalty saved as Swindon Town earned a goalless League One draw at Kingsmeadow.

Off the back of three wins in nine days, the atmosphere was one of huge excitement as in-form Wimbledon took on the struggling Robins.

And while they stretched their unbeaten run in all competitions to seven games, the Dons were unable to get all three points, with Taylor's missed penalty the best chance of a tame game.

 

Bristol Rovers vs Gillingham - Prediction Home win

Result - Bristol Rovers 2 Gillingham 1

Yay!

Substitute Ellis Harrison volleyed an 90th-minute winner as Bristol Rovers came from behind to beat Gillingham in a competitive League One clash at the Memorial Stadium.

The striker met a left-wing cross from fellow replacement Cristian Montano at the far post and hammered a right-footed shot in off goalkeeper Jonathan Bond from the corner of the six-yard box.

Gillingham had taken a 62nd-minute lead when Rovers failed to defend a long throw from the right and Josh Wright popped up unmarked at the far post to fire low past Kelle Roos.

Man of the match Chris Lines grabbed an 82nd-minute equaliser, exchanging passes with Matt Taylor and breaking through the middle before coolly shooting past Bond.

 

Carlisle vs Hartlepool - Prediction Home win

Result - Carlisle 3 Hartlepool 2

Yay!

Ten-man Carlisle edged out Hartlepool 3-2 in a thriller at Brunton Park, extending their unbeaten run to 13 games and equalling their best-ever league start.

A purposeful opening from the visitors had Carlisle on the back foot, with Lewis Hawkins and Nathan Thomas fizzing shots narrowly off target.

However, it was Carlisle who struck first in the 20th minute when a quick break down the left and a pinpoint cross from Shaun Miller provided Jabo Ibehre with a simple side-foot finish from six yards.

Miller, having been booked in the first half for kicking the ball away, was shown a second yellow and sent off in the 57th minute for deliberate handball, before Lewis Alessandra cut in from the left to power an unstoppable shot past Mark Gillespie for the equaliser.

Danny Grainger restored Carlisle's lead three minutes later, belting a low 25-yard shot into the bottom corner after receiving a short free-kick from Nicky Adams.

Pools made it 2-2 in the 75th minute when Padraig Amond, at close range, was able to apply the finish after Gillespie had saved Billy Paynter's original drive, then Carlisle went straight back in front five minutes later when Michael Raynes scored with a towering header from Grainger's corner.

 

Queen of the South vs Morton - Prediction Home win

Result - Queen of the South 0 Morton 5

What??? 5 nil!

In what must surely count as The Grambler’s worst ever prediction, Greenock Morton stunned the league leaders Queen of the South with three confident strikes in the first half paving the way for a convincing win.

Ex-Motherwell striker, Ross Forbes had the visitors in front early before Jamie McDonagh and Gary Oliver added to the scoreline.

Jai Quitongo scored from a well worked corner kick to increase Queen's misery.

And then Morton captain Thomas O'Ware scored a penalty to wrap up an emphatic win.

 

Apart from that, The Grambler’s predictions weren’t too awry. He/she/it still didn’t give us a profit, though [Not the best prophet, then. - Ed.]. Ho hum. So what has he/she/it come up with this week?

 

Game - Result - Odds

Burnley vs Everton - Prediction Away win - 4/6

Leicester vs Crystal Palace - Prediction Home win - Evens

Brentford vs Barnsley - Prediction Home win - 7/10

Dunfermline vs Hibernian - Prediction Away win - 8/11

Falkirk vs Raith - Prediction Home win - 4/5

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£9.84

Seven pees more whopping than last week.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you what first occurred in the Second Division match between QPR and Luton Town played at Loftus Road on 1st September 1981. Actually, it wasn’t so much what happened on the pitch; it was the pitch itself. It was the very first league match to take place on an artificial surface.

One for this week? Brothers have often played together for the same country but at the 2010 World Cup Finals in South Africa and again at the 2014 finals in Brazil two brothers played in the same match - but for opposing sides. Can you name them and the countries they represented? That’s a cracker!

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 
…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Mr B. Forsyth who this week has announced his retirement from the business known as show. Given that he is 88 years old, it’s not a moment too soon. There are those who think old Brucie was a great singer, dancer, musician etc. I’m sorry, I was never one of those people. He always struck me as being a ‘jack of all trades’ sort of guy, but he wasn’t good at anything in particular. In the fifties and beyond he seemed to be the British TV companies’ go-to man if they wanted someone to front a quiz show. I have to admit, he wasn’t bad at them, although I always thought him a bit of a bully with his shouting ‘I’m in charge’ at the contestants. One thing he was good at was coining catchphrases. There were dozens of them from ‘Nice to see you, to see you nice’ to ‘Give us a twirl’. I could end with a list of them all, but I realise you are busy people and you probably haven’t got enough time to read them all. The quicker option is to give you an example of a comedy sketch with Brucie (and the late Norman Wisdom) from the 1950s. It lasts over seven minutes. It is from the top-rated Sunday evening show of the period 'Sunday Night at the London Palladium' and it would suggest that audiences in those days would laugh at anything. See how long you can suffer it before switching off.

 

 
Happy grambling.

 

Thursday 13 October 2016

Week 11 - The Grambler congratulates Rod Stewart


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

Let’s hear it for Sir Rod. Yes, Rod Stewart has been given a knighthood and is now known as Sir Rodney of Stewart. And his missus is now Lady Stewart. Could be awkward if ever they meet up with Sir Jackie Stewart and his wife.... ‘I’m Lady Stewart!’ ‘No, I’m Lady Stewart!’ It reminds me of an old Kirk Douglas film.

It seems that any singer who hangs around long enough gets a knighthood. There’s Sir Cliff of Richard, Sir Pauly, Sir Thomas the Voice, isn’t it. Loads of them. I reckon 50 years in the business without too much shenanigans, gets you a knighthood.

Sir Mick of Jagger. That’s another one. Mind you, some of the things he got up to when he was younger seem to have been conveniently forgotten by whoever hands out the honours. Constantly being busted for drugs? No problem. Getting hundreds of women up the duff? Carry on [That never happened, I have been assured by our legal representative. - Ed.]. That incident with the Mars Bar? Aye. Well. Mind you, Mars probably sold more chocolate bars on the back of that story than they ever did from their advertising campaigns. A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play? That wasn’t quite what they had in mind.

Sir Van Morrison. There’s another one. Even grumpy old Irish singers get them. [And Van Morrison, who is definitely not a grumpy old Irish singer you meant to say. Didn’t you? - Ed.].

So, if the criterion for a singer getting a knighthood is to hang around the top table of music for half a century, why hasn’t Eric become Sir Eric of Clapton? He was with the Yardbirds back in 1963. In 1965, he joined John Mayall (Why hasn’t he been knighted?) and his Bluesbreakers, leaving in 1966 to form Cream. In 1968, he moved on to Blind Faith. After that, although he worked with Delaney and Bonnie, not forgetting their friends, and later formed Derek and the Dominoes, he was more a solo artist. When you look through Clapton’s c.v. it is pretty impressive; surely, more impressive than the career of Cliff or Tom. So why hasn’t he received his gong? It isn’t as if he is averse to the honours system; he has accepted and OBE and a CBE in the past. Perhaps old Betty just doesn’t like his style of music.

It all makes me wonder who will receive knighthoods in the next few years. Brian Ferry, only six years away from 50 years at the top? Peter Gabriel, four years away? Phil Collins? Ian Anderson? No, my money is on someone who is a fine guitarist but not a singer. The fact that he has performed God Save the Queen from the roof of Buckingham Palace makes him the front runner in the knighthood sweepstake for me. Who? Brian May, of course. Sir Brian of May... It’s got a certain ring to it.

Sir Elton John. He’s one. He’s been knighted too. Oh dear. I’ve just had a thought. Penny Lancaster is now Lady Stewart. Does that mean David Furnish’s title should be Lady John?


.....oooOooo.....
 

Well, the Scotland football team have had a pretty crappy week. After drawing 1 - 1 with Lithuania at Hampden last Saturday, they travelled to Slovakia hoping to make amends. Sadly, it wasn’t to be. Defensive errors meant that a fairly ordinary Slovakian side managed to win 3 - 0.
 
Of course it can't be helping matters having a manager who doesn't seem very interested or, at least, that is the message Gordon Strachan conveys when he is talking to the press.  Over the years his unwillingness to talk sensibly to the press has not always gone down too well...
 
Reporter: "You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?"
Strachan: "I don't take stupid comments lightly either."
 
 
Reporter: "What is your impression of Jermaine Pennant?"
Strachan: "I don't do impressions
 
 
Reporter: "So Gordon, any changes then?"
Strachan: "Naw, still 5ft 6", ginger and a big nose."
 
And, of course, everybody's favourite...
 
Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity."
 
 
 
I can reveal the reason why the Scotland team was so woeful. It had nothing to do with Mr Strachan.  No.  It was because they were utterly embarrassed at having to wear this horrible away strip.
 
 

I think whoever put those white shirts in a hot wash with the red socks should be sacked.
 

.....oooOooo.....

 

This week Arthur is providing our rundown of birthdays. God help us.

Ahem, any barthdays of note to celebrate? Did any famarse or notoriarse folk come into this world on the 15th of October? Well, obliviously some did. Stupid blibbing question if you arsk me. Virgil 70BC (He drove Thunderbird 2, didn’t he? One of the Tracy brothers. The others were... um... Spencer and then there was Dick... and... some others. There was that brainy bloke with the marssive spectarcles and the big head. What was his name? Brian! Him. Then there was that eastern-looking bird called Rin Tin Tin. I think old man Tracy brought her back from one of his visits to Thailand, meself. Oh yarss. I reckon he had a bit of the yellow fever.), Friedrich Nietzche 1844 (Bless you!), P.G. Wodehouse 1881 (That was her that used to train them dogs. Mind you, the way she spoke to them... it’d be an brave dog that didn’t do as he was told.), C. P. Snow 1905 (Isn’t that the bloke that used to jump about a lot when it was election night? Always playing with his swingy thing, he was.), Yitzhak Shamir 1915 (Bless you!), Mario Puzo 1920 (One of those plumber blokes from that computer game.), Nigel Green 1924 (Ooh, someone I do remember. He was called the Bear in William Tell. The makeup was an bit rubbish in them days, cos he looked nothing like an real bear. He just looked like someone with an beard.), Karl Richter 1926 (Bless you!), Barry McGuire 1935 (Oh yes. Another one I know. He was an boxer. From Ireland and he was the world champion... Hang on... That’s Barry McGuigan. So who’s this bloke?), Richard Carpenter 1946 (Oh, I definartly know him. He used to be in an duo consisting of two people. Him and his sister, Carmen Carpenter. Can’t for the life of me remember what they called themselves. Anyway, they had lots of hit records... that one about sheep, Close to Ewe. That was them. Then they went all a bit weird and tried sending messages to spacemen.), Chris De Burgh 1950 (Ooh, he was good as Perry Mason and that bloke Iron thighs. I used to watch all of them... What do you mean that was Raymond? Chris Raymond? No such bloke.), Roscoe Tanner 1950 (Oh, I know this one. He was Elsie’s son in Coronation whatsit... That one with Ken Barman.), Victor Pecce 1955 (Bless you!), Dougie Vipond 1966 (Ooh, I hate snakes. That’s an poisonarse one, the vipond is.), Didier Deschamps 1968 (Bless you!), Dominic West 1969 (That’s an station on that London Underground, isn’t it?) and Andy Cole 1971 (You don’t see much coal these days, do you? Of course, that central heating’s put paid to it. We used to keep it in the bath. Stupid place to put the central heating, I reckon.).

Er... Thank you, Arthur. That was really... Yes, definitely.
 
 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. What happened last week? We won. Yay! No. Not yay. We won £1.81 pees, so we actually lost 39 pees on our £2.20 bet. Actually, it was The Grambler’s best set of predictions for a long time. Why? Read on...

 

Bradford vs Shrewsbury - Prediction Home win

Result - Bradford 2 Shrewsbury 0

Yay!

Former Motherwell midfielder, Nicky Law fired the hosts in front after 21 minutes, drilling home from 10 yards after a Filipe Morais shot had been blocked by Abu 'Einstein' Ogogo.

Substitute Haris Vuckic secured Bradford's win with a stoppage-time penalty after Antoni Sarcevic brought down Daniel Devine. [Devine intervention. Ha! - Ed.]

 

Scunthorpe vs Northampton - Prediction Home win

Result - Scunthorpe 1 Northampton 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

The hosts took the lead late in the first half through Josh Morris' curling free-kick from the edge of the box.

Northampton had Matt Taylor sent off on the hour mark for a bad tackle on Scunthorpe midfielder Neal Bishop.

The Cobblers restored parity when Jak McCourt's initial shot was blocked, but he was on hand to tap in the rebound.

 

Rochdale vs Southend - Prediction Home win

Result - Rochdale 3 Southend 0

Yay!

Dale were awarded a free-kick on the right after Adam Barrett's attempt to wrestle Calvin Andrew to the ground and Joe 'Bugs' Bunney's set-piece was perfect for defender Niall Canavan, who sent a thumping header into the roof of Mark Oxley's net.

It was 2-0 after 27 minutes when Joe Rafferty's delivery was only partially cleared before both Nathaniel Mendez-Laing and Andrew had efforts blocked. But on the second occasion the loose ball ran for Rafferty and his cross was headed home by Andrew.

The Shrimpers offered nothing going forward in the opening half, and precious little after the break, with Dale goalkeeper Josh Lillis enjoying a trouble-free afternoon.

Aaron Morley, a 16-year-old making his league debut for the home side, went close to a third for Dale, his curling effort from 18 yards clipping the outside of Oxley's post.

Mendez-Laing netted the third in the 84th minute, racing onto Steven Davies' through ball and beating Oxley to wrap up a routine win.

 

Doncaster vs Barnet - Prediction Home win

Result - Doncaster 3 Barnet 2

Yay!

 

Goals from James Coppinger and Matty Blair had given Doncaster a deservedly comfortable lead at the break.

But dogged and industrious Barnet rallied well, pulling a goal back through Bira Dembele before substitute Luke Gambin glanced home four minutes from time.

But Andy Williams clipped home at the death to win it, a result which kept Doncaster second in League Two.

Luton vs Crewe - Prediction Home win

Result - Luton 1 Crewe 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Luton went ahead just before half-time when Pelly Ruddock released Jake Gray and his volley was turned home by Danny Hylton.

In the second period, Tom Lowery dragged wide for the visitors and Bingham's half-volley from distance flew narrowly past the post, with George Cooper's free-kick landing on the roof of the net.

The visitors were deservedly level in the 64th minute when Cooper's exquisite cross was headed beyond Walton by Alex's top scorer Ryan Lowe.

So there you have it my little gramblerinis, last week The Grambler came so close to getting all five predictions correct; those two draws spoiling things.

Let’s have a look what he/she/it can come up with this week. At least there are no internationals getting in the way.  The Grambler has 56 games kicking off at 3pm this Saturday to select from. So which five has he/she/it randomly selected?

Game - Result - Odds

West Bromwich Albion vs Spurs - Prediction Away win - 7/10

Wimbledon vs Swindon - Prediction Home win - Evens

Bristol Rovers vs Gillingham - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Carlisle vs Hartlepool - Prediction Home win - 11/20

Queen of the South vs Morton - Prediction Home win - 5/6

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£9.77

Hmm... a bit more whopping than last week.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which former Labour politician was escorted from his seat in the home section of Fulham's Craven Cottage ground after 'wildly celebrating' a goal scored by visitors Cardiff City in a Premier League fixture. I think Cardiff is a pretty big clue there. The answer was, of course, former leader of the Labour Party, Neil Kinnock. He was Welsh, see.

One for this week? The Second Division match between QPR and Luton Town played at Loftus Road on 1st September 1981 was a first in League history.  Do you know why? Hmm... one to ask down the pub.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to Messrs P. Cook and D. Moore who provide us with this week’s closing link. In this week’s birthday list our guest compiler got a little confused about the poet Virgil, confusing him with a character from the nineteen-sixties’ puppet series, Thunderbirds. No, you are not getting a link to a children’s TV programme, but you are getting a link to a brilliant spoof item from Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. Ladeez and gennulum, I give you Superthunderstingcar .

 

 

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday 8 October 2016

Week 10 - The Grambler wants a word with Roald Dahl


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

If I could speak to a Mr R. Dahl (which I can’t, obviously, since he is dead) I would tell him that I do not find Mr Fox fantastic. I’m with Messrs Boggis, Bunce and Bean on this one. What am I talking about, I hear you ask. Do you recall a (g)ramble from back in early summer (Week 45 - Euro 2016 - another gramble) when I had a moan about foxes digging up my garden? [Well, hide the spade, then. - Ed.] You may also recall that, at that time, I thought I had found the perfect solution. Actually, it wasn’t a solution at all; it hadn’t been watered down. It was, you may remember, urine. Human urine. Mine. Well, after a while, I realised that my solution was a lot of pish. It didn’t work. Old Foxy became so used to the stuff, it made absolutely no difference; he still dug the garden up. The only effect the urine had was to make our garden smell like a shop doorway after the pubs have closed.

Sometimes, a few days would pass and there was no sign of digging. More often than not, however, I was out in the morning with a shovel putting all the disturbed soil back into my ‘garden’ or oversized garden tub as it is more accurately described. Foxes are brilliant diggers, I have admit. Often the hole was more than two feet deep. You can imagine the mess of the surrounding area, with the soil from a hole that big strewn all over it.

The end of my tether was reached long ago, but I had to try and find a way to beat old foxy. This was war. Somebody told me that foxes really hate those blue slug pellet things, so I sprinkled enough of them over my garden to kill off every slug and snail for miles around. There was more blue than brown. Did it stop Mr Fox? Did it fu... No it didn’t.

Next, I saw an advertisement for a solar-powered, motion-activated, ultrasonic cat and fox repeller. The device is ultrasonic; not the cats and foxes. Any road up, I purchased one of these gadgets. I assembled it and placed it in the garden at the very spot that Foxy likes to dig. I then sat inside my living room in a position where I could watch what happened next. Sure enough, Foxy appeared. Now we’ll see if this clever ultrasonic thingy worked. Foxy barely noticed it. He just jumped up into the same spot he always dug and proceeded to scatter soil as before. Right next to the gadget. You may well have heard my screams.

Was there no way to stop this battle? I have come up with another solution (no not that again) and, this time, I do believe it will work. I have taken a large piece of heavy wire mesh... I’ll give you an idea of just how heavy. The wire is about an eighth of an inch in diameter (that’s 3mm in new money) and, when it came to cutting it to size, wirecutters couldn’t cope; I had to use a hacksaw. [That is so interesting. Yawn. - Ed.] So, I cut this sheet of mesh oversize so that, with a bit of twisting and bending it is tucked under the top layer of bricks and sits flat on top of the soil. No fox is going to shift that... unless he uses a hacksaw. Mind you, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he could.

So, is that the end of the story? Almost. I told a friend of mine about this brilliant piece of engineering. I won’t tell you his profession but, if I tell you he tends to work on Sundays, you might work it out. He made a suggestion to improve this garden fortress... ‘Why don’t you run a high voltage through the grid? Foxy won’t see that coming.’ How very un-christian, I thought. I was shocked. [No, the fox would be shocked, surely. - Ed.] Don’t call me Shirley.

Incidentally, I think the designer of that sonar animal repeller might be a fan of a certain Disney/Pixar film...


 
 

What do you think? Wall e is the top one the animal detector is on the lower picture... or is it the other way round?

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

You know my views on footballers wages, don’t you? The players in the top teams in the top divisions around the world get paid far too much, in my opinion. Apparently, the Welsh wonder winger, Gareth Bale, has been offered a deal worth £91 million to commit his future to Real Madrid. Excuse me? This is one person we are talking about, not the national debt of a small nation. £91 million? That is obscene. Also obscene is the demand from Arsenal players Mesut Ozil and Alexis Sanchez who each want £250,000 in wages per week. You read that correctly. Per week. They are citing the fall in the value of the pound against the euro. Come off it. Ozil already gets... I nearly said earns... 200 grand a week having been given a 60 grand pay increase just four months ago. So, having already had his pay increased by over 40 per cent (a little bit more than the rate of inflation) he wants to increase it by a further 25 per cent. So, poor old Ozil can’t manage on a mere 10.4 million quid a year. He needs 13 million. Greedy fu... [I’ll have to stop you there. - Ed.].... I blame Jimmy Hill. I do.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Any birthdays of note to celebrate? Did any famous or notorious folk come into this world on the 8th of October? Well, obviously some did. Juan Peron 1895 (Eva’s man.), Ahmed Bey Zogolli aka King Zog 1895 (Dictator and, later, King of Albania. Loved Charlie Chaplin and Shirley Temple films, apparently.), Bill Maynard 1928 (Oh no! It’s Selwyn Froggett!), Betty Boothroyd 1929 (Tiller Girl.), Ray Reardon 1932 (Snookery bloke and vampire.), Fred Stolle 1938 (Tennisy bloke.), Paul Hogan 1939 (This is a knife.), Jesse Jackson 1941 (Randy Marsh from South Park didn’t really kiss his backside.), Chevy Chase 1943 (Popular US comedian, it says here.), Johnny Ramone 1947 (A Ramone.), Stefanie Mariann 1948 (A lady who is well-known to older readers of the Sun newspaper.), Hamish Stuart 1949 (Guitarist and singer with the Average White Band. I believe he is Scottish. A lucky guess.), Sigourney Weaver 1949 (Her first film appearance was in 1977’s Annie Hall; she was on screen for six seconds.), Matt Biondi 1965 (Swimmy bloke.), Ardal O’Hanlon 1965 (Ruud Gullit sitting on a shed.), Matt Damon 1970 (Vic’s lad [Some mistake, surely. - Ed.]), Sadiq Khan 1970 (Mayor.) and Bruno Mars 1985 (Was an Elvis impersonator when he was little. Oh, hang on, he’s still little. I mean, he impersonated Elvis at the age of four. Elvis wasn’t four; Bruno Mars was. What? Oh, 5 feet 5 inches.).

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. What happened last week? Well, it was a little bit better than the previous week. But, not much. We won 69 pees. That’s 11 pees up. Still rubbish, though. What happened? Read on...

 

 

Bristol City vs Nottingham Forest - Prediction Home win

Result - Bristol City 2 Nottingham Forest 1

Yay!

Apostolos Vellios gave the visitors an early lead at Ashton Gate as he found the back of the net via the post.

The home side pressed for an equaliser after the break and Abraham netted his 11th goal of the season when he pounced on a mistake from Danny Fox and rounded goalkeeper Vladimir Stojkovic before slotting in from a tight angle.

Three minutes later, City turned the game on its head as a long free-kick was headed down in the box by Abraham allowing Jamie Paterson the simplest of goals.

 

Carlisle vs Colchester - Prediction Draw

Result - Carlisle 2 Colchester 0

Boo!

The home side were second best for periods before half-time, but improved after the break and Michael Raynes forced Sam Walker to tip his close-range header on to the crossbar.

Raynes was involved again when Jason Kennedy gave Carlisle the lead in the 50th minute, the defender heading Nicky Adams' corner back across the face of goal for Kennedy to force home.

Colchester missed a great chance to level the scores in the 66th minute when Sammie Szmodics found himself one-on-one with Gillespie but lifted the ball over the goalkeeper and over the bar from eight yards.

Szmodics then had a diving header cleared off the line, but substitute Jabo Ibehre relieved the tension in the 79th minute when his header from Danny Grainger's corner on the left slipped through Walker's hands and into the net.

 

Plymouth vs Yeovil - Prediction Home win

Result - Plymouth 4 Yeovil 1

Yay!

Argyle striker Jimmy Spencer scored a superb 39th-minute opener, shimmying his way past two defenders before sending an angled strike from the right into the far top corner.

Jake Jervis doubled Argyle's lead four minutes later when his 20-yard effort spun off a defender's boot to wrong-foot keeper Artur Krysiak.

Yeovil's response was swift as skipper Darren Ward tapped in from a few yards out as Argyle failed to deal with a low 45th-minute cross from the right-hand side of the penalty area.

The Glovers should have levelled in the 50th minute when Ward's far-post cross fell to unmarked left-back Nathan Smith, whose diving header flew wide.

Playmaker Graham Carey nonchalantly swept the ball home on the run from 25 yards into the top corner as he spotted Krysiak out of position after 71 minutes to make it 3-1.

Jervis then profited from substitute Craig Tanner's unselfish play to claim his second goal four minutes from time.

 

Edinburgh City vs Arbroath - Prediction Away win

Result - Edinburgh City 3 Arbroath 3

Ooh! ’It the bar!

 

Forfar vs Montrose - Prediction Home win

Result - Forfar 1 Montrose 3

Boooooo!
 
 

Ah well, once again The Grambler’s predictions were a bit... crap. Let’s see what he/she/it has randomly selected for this week. Unfortunately, the number of matches available for consideration was pretty meagre as the top league’s have all shut down thanks to something called World Cup Qualifiers. I wish FIFA would give The Grambler some consideration when it stages these games.
 

Game - Result - Odds

Bradford vs Shrewsbury - Prediction Home win - 4/7

Scunthorpe vs Northampton - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Rochdale vs Southend - Prediction Home win - Evens

Doncaster vs Barnet - Prediction Home win - 13/20

Luton vs Crewe - Prediction Home win - 4/5

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£9.32

Hmm... reasonably whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which manager the Ricky Tomlinson character Mike Bassett was based on. The answer was Graham Taylor. Did you not like that?

One for this week. In September 2013 which former Labour politician was escorted from his seat in the home section of Fulham's Craven Cottage ground after 'wildly celebrating' a goal scored by visitors Cardiff City in a Premier League fixture? Quite an easy one that. Even Mrs G, whose knowledge of football is next to nothing, got that.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to Messrs D. Morgan and A. O’Hanlon for this week’s closing link, a memorable moment or two from  Fathers Ted and Dougal. .

 

 

 

Happy grambling.