Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.
Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby
Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .
If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes
grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997
Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.
Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…
Do you recall many years ago a scary moustachioed man on an advert who bellowed at us, 'Have you had an accident at work through no fault of your own?' He then went on to tell you how to make a claim with a no win no fee firm of lawyers. I'm not sure what percentage of the settled claim ended up in the lawyers pockets, but I'm
guessing it must have been pretty substantial judging by the number of times this particular advertisement was shown.
I've had accidents at work when I've tripped over something or other. My reaction was not to go rushing to the nearest legal eagle to make a claim,
but to simply say, 'Who put that fn plank/loose mat/wall there?' Usually these words were preceded and probably followed for some time afterwards by the word 'ow'.
My view when I saw those ads and the many others of the same ilk that followed was to say, 'Yes, so have I. Get over it. You should be more careful.'
Anyway, why am I discussing an advert which was first shown over twenty years ago?
Well, it seemed to be the beginning of the claim culture which is now so prevalent in this country. How many times has an advert asked you if you had been
mis-sold PPI? [What's a proton pump inhibitor got to do with anything? - Ed.] Ahem... The strap line is that you may be due compensation. The fact that we are being asked the question suggests that PPI should never have
been sold in the first place. The implication seems to be that every example was mis-sold. Should PPI even exist?
Any road up, a member of parliament has talked about, and criticised, this blame and claim culture. Basically, he feels that it has gone far enough and people
should take some more, i.e. any, responsibility for their actions. Well done sir, I say. It's about time it was stopped. The only winners in my view are the fat cat lawyers who cream off (Do you see what I did there?
Cat. Cream... Please yourselves.) their 10, 15 or 20 per cent from every case they win.
PPI claims? Surely every claim is going to be the same as every other one; the sums of money involved may alter, but the legal procedures will be exactly
the same. The paperwork could be photocopied for all the differences there are. Just change the claimant’s name and the amount of money being sought.
Thank goodness someone has spoken up about lawyers jumping on any passing bandwagon that might guarantee some dosh coming their way for doing, let’s
face it, not much.
Today I was looking through a magazine and noticed an advertisement... 'Have you bought a diesel-engined VW/Audi/Skoda/Seat? You could be due compensation.'
Give me strength!
Have you had an accident in a diesel Volkswagen
you bought with your PPI compensation?
.....oooOooo.....
Were any famous or notorious people born on the 29th of September? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Miguel de Cervantes 1547 (Novelista. Wrote Donkey Hoaty.), Robert
Clive 1725 (Aka Clive of India. He instigated many atrocities, demanded high taxes and forced the cultivation of crops which worsened famine in the country. He also became a multi-millionaire in the process. What a b*st*rd!),
Horatio Nelson 1758 (Sailor. Started a craze for ‘kiss-me-quick’ hats.), Elizabeth Gaskell 1810 (Orfer. Cranford. That was one of hers.), László Bíró 1899 (Patented the first commercially viable ballpoint pen.), Billy Butlin 1899 (Ran the most successful chain of British holiday camps. If it hadn’t been
for him, there would have been no Hi-De-Hi Beeb Beeb Ceeb sitcom. Curse you, Butlin!), Greer Garson 1904 (Ectress. Played Mrs Miniver. Nominated for ‘Best ectress’ Oscar seven times, but only won it once.),
Gene Autry 1907 (Singing cowboy. Let’s see if I can find you a clip. Here he is back in the saddle.), Michelangelo Antonionionionioni 1912 (Regista e sceneggiatore. That’s got you thinking.), Trevor Howard 1913 (Ectaw, dear leddie.), Stanley
Kramer 1913 (Film director and producer.), Stan Berenstain 1923 (Author and Illustrator. The bears... he did them.), Steve Forrest 1925 (Actor. Award winner. He got a ‘Razzie’ for Mommie Dearest.), Colin Dexter
1930 (Orfer. Morse. He wrote that.), Anita Ekberg 1931 (modell och skådespelerska. Another one to test you.), Lance Gibbs 1934 (Crickety bloke.), Jerry Lee Lewis 1935 (Musician. Here’s his Great Balls of Fire. You can get cream for that, you know.), Silvio Berlusconi 1936 (Politician who has problems keeping his trousers on.), Jim Baxter 1939 (Footy bloke.), Larry Linville 1939 (Actor. Frank Burns in M*A*S*H. That was him.),
David Steele 1941 (Crickety bloke.), Madeline Kahn 1942 (Actress.), Ian McShane 1942 (Ector.), Jean-Luc Ponty 1942 (Musicien. Time for some jazz fusion.), Mohammad Khatami 1943 (سیاستمدار Ha! That’s floored you.), Lech Wałęsa 1943 (Polityk.), Mike Post 1944 (Musician. Have a clip. The northern soul groovers used to bop along to this... Afternoon of the Rhino.), Patricia Hodge 1946 (Ectress.), Sebastian Coe 1956 (Posh runny bloke turned politician.), Chris Broad 1957 (Crickety bloke.), Jack Dee 1961 (Comedian.), Julia Gillard 1961 (Strine prohm meeneester.), Ben Miles 1966 (Ectaw.),
Brett Anderson 1967 (A bit of Suede. And here, indeed, is a bit of Suede. What you heard there was Trash.), Matt and Luke Goss 1967 (Two thirds, then the whole of Bros. Wonder if they’ll ever be famous.), Mackenzie Crook 1971 (Actor, comedian, writer, director and detectorist.), James Lance 1975 (Ectaw.) and Andriy Shevchenko 1976 (футболист и политик. Another one to confuse you.).
I’ve received a letter...
Dear Mr Kanga,
I work for the ING bank in Bydgoszcz, Poland - probably the most northerly branch of the bank - and often pass the working day listening to British acts from the late eighties to early
nineties. I am so pleased that you included a Bros song in this week’s selection of clips. Here’s a teaser for you. What was the group’s only UK number one?
Best wishes,
I. O’Yew, North ING.
.....oooOooo.....
Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? Back to being a bit rubbishy, I’m afraid. 64 pees. That’s all. From a £2.20 bet.
Not very good. What happened? Read on...
Aston Villa vs Sheffield Wed - Prediction Home win
Result - Aston Villa 1 Sheffield Wed 2
Boo!
Wednesday took the lead just after the break when the ball broke to Marco Matias on the edge of the area and he fired a crisp shot into the bottom corner.
John McGinn levelled with a stunning volley that went in off the underside of the bar but Steven Fletcher scored Wednesday's winner with a header from a Joel Pelupessy cross.
Leeds vs Birmingham - Prediction Home win
Result - Leeds Utd 1 Birmingham City 2
What!
Che Adams struck twice in the opening 30 minutes for Birmingham, first with a low finish from the edge of the area that beat Leeds keeper Bailey Peacock-Farrell at his near post.
The 22-year-old forward doubled the visitors' lead after a swift counter-attack to help them earn a first win of the campaign.
Leeds halved the deficit through Ezgjan Alioski's low strike in the closing stages.
Middlesbrough vs Swansea - Prediction Home win
Result - Middlesbrough 0 Swansea 0
Ooh! ’It the bar!
Oli McBurnie and Martin Olsson went closest for the visitors, while a Tom Carroll cross hit the woodwork.
Boro's best chances fell to Daniel Ayala and Stewart Downing.
And that just about sums it up.
Sheffield Utd vs Preston - Prediction Home win
Result - Sheffield Utd 3 Preston North End 2
Yay! (About time)
David McGoldrick scored a late winner as Sheffield United edged past Preston North End, who had come from 2-0 down to equalise.
McGoldrick's low shot clinched victory for United in the 87th minute following a fine assist from Enda Stevens. [Edna? - Ed.]
A quiet first half was brought to life by Billy Sharp's right-footed shot from close range to open the scoring, before Chris Basham's looping header found the top corner from an Oliver Norwood free-kick.
Preston drew level with two goals in two minutes as Daniel Johnson's left-footed shot was followed moments later by Callum Robinson's similar effort, both finding the bottom left corner.
West Brom vs Millwall - Prediction Home win
Result - West Bromwich Albion 2 Millwall 0
Yay!
Dwight Gayle's poacher's instinct came to the fore as he pounced in the penalty area after Millwall goalkeeper Ben Amos had produced a stunning save to tip Ahmed Hegazi's header against the crossbar.
Kieran Gibbs completed the win for the hosts, firing home from an acute angle at the back post after latching on to Tyrone Mears' curling cross.
Ho hum. What can the great and powerful Grambler predict for us this week? Here are his/her/its random predictions for this week. All games kick off at 3.00pm this Saturday the 29th of September.
Game - Result - Odds
Bolton vs Derby - Prediction Away win - 19/20
Fleetwood vs Barnsley - Prediction Away win - 10/11
Plymouth vs Doncaster - Prediction Away win - 10/11
Cheltenham vs Lincoln - Prediction Away win - 10/11
Macclesfield vs Forest Green - Prediction Away win - 10/11
The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a
whopping...
£12.52
Uh oh. Too whopping and he/she/it has gone away for all five games again. This can only end in tears; you mark my words.
.....oooOooo.....
Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you what connects the nicknames of Southamption, Darlington and Plymouth Argyle. Did you spot it? The answer is religion. The clubs have the
nicknames Saints, Quakers and Pilgrims.
What about one for this week? Let’s have a question relating to the Scottish national team. Who was in charge of the Scottish national team when they reached the World Cup Finals in 1998? That shouldn’t be too difficult.
.....oooOooo.....
As usual, I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point
your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign
…..oooOooo…..
And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr J. Dee who celebrates his birthday this weekend. Mr Dee has starred in a few amusing situation comedies, has hosted
Live at the Apollo and is the ‘question master’ on Radio Four’s I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue, but his most famous TV moment is surely when he won the 2001 series of Celebrity Big Brother. Crikey
has that programme been going as long as that? People are happy to watch some rubbish, aren’t they? [They’ll read it too, which is just as well for you. - Ed.]
Any road up, here are some of Jack’s amusing moments to finish this week’s (g)ramble...
In my local newspaper, they had this advert: 'please look after your neighbours in the cold weather'. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, and do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm all right. The lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for a fortnight.
One of my friends went on a murder weekend, now he is doing life for it.
People who are pro smacking children say, 'It's the only language they understand.' You could apply that to tourists.
I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs... like customs officers.
They call it 'surfing' the net. It's not surfing. It's typing in your bedroom.
My local's rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night-First question was, What the f*ck are you looking at?
The film industry is like Anne Robinson-always on the look-out for a new face
Studies show 1 in 5 British teens are unable to peel an orange... It's a good job they've all got knives then.
A sewage farm. In what way is it a farm? Is there a farm shop?
I read an article that said if you regularly drink two glasses of wine a day, you could be well on your way to becoming an alcoholic. I thought, if I regularly
drank two glasses of wine a day I'd be well on my way to being cured of alcoholism.
The other night, this salesman phoned up and started banging on and on about buying car insurance. I'm not interested anyway. I don't even have car
insurance, because I'm a careful driver.
I love to be in Britain, when it's hot weather. I love it when you get four or five days of hot weather, because then people in Kent run out of water, don't they? Know what I like to do? I like to ring them up, and play the sound of running water down the phone.
I love to be in Britain, when it's hot weather. I love it when you get four or five days of hot weather, because then people in Kent run out of water, don't they? Know what I like to do? I like to ring them up, and play the sound of running water down the phone.
[Pretending to be on the telephone] Hello, I just washed my car. Probably water the lawn in a minute. Might have a bath, might not, see how I feel. I'll
probably fill the bath, not even use it.
I've had my run-ins with booze; it's well documented. So what I can say from experience is that it takes a lot of guts and perseverance and courage
to stop drinking. Which is why I haven't.
Koreans have recently brought out their own vegetarian version of an instant noodle snack. It's called Not Poodle.
That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com
Happy grambling.
