Saturday 22 February 2020

Week 30 - Grambling into the past


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

I have just heard possibly the silliest conspiracy theory ever and it is this: the Titanic sank because so many time travellers from the future were on board at the time it came to grief. Have you ever heard such nonsense? Mind you, I can understand where the perpetrator of the theory is coming from...

From the diary of Lady Maude Gordon-Jinn...

10th April -

We have set sail and are bound for New York. I do so hope that I will meet some interesting people and that this voyage is eventful.

I had lunch with a charming gentleman called George Wells. He told me that he hoped that he could get back to his time machine before we went down. I was a little shocked at his suggestion as we had only just met and I couldn't understand why he was so bothered about his watch.

Dined this evening with a rather unusual group of individuals. One was very scruffy indeed and said his name was Dave. His dinner request was for curry, which I believe is an Indian dish, and something called lager. The others in the group were no less outlandish. One introduced himself as Arnold Rimmer and had a rather odd scar on his forehead which looked like a letter H. Another fellow at the table was very vain. He called himself Cat and kept making cat-like noises especially when his meal of fish arrived. The fourth member of the motley assortment was called Crichton and his clothes covered him from head to foot. He wore dark glasses and a hat. It was as if he was hiding something. What I did see of his face was very strange indeed. I can only assume he had been disfigured in some horrific accident. Nevertheless, he was the most polite of the four and was very knowledgeable. He seemed to be able to discuss any matter at length without needing to refer to a book.

They left after dinner and when we shook hands I was shocked that Mr Crichton had cold almost metallic fingers. Mr Rimmer refused to shake my hand and appeared to walk through rather than around the table.

I needed several large gin and tonics after my meal.

In the evening I spent some time in the company of two rather scruffy young American fellows called William and Theodore. They called each other dude and anything they liked they described as bogus. Strange chaps. Later, an older chap they called Rufus approached. He told the young men that they were history, which I assume was some sort of coded message to tell them it was bedtime because it was at this point they left.

I had a few more gin and tonics before heading for my cabin.

11th April -

I have just met a charming young man who goes by the name of Luke Skywalker*. He had with him an older bearded gentleman who calls himself Obi Wankin Obi. We had lunch together. I must say Mr Skywalker's table manners leave a lot to be desired. Mr Obi was having to constantly remind him to use the fork.

Later, Mr Skywalker joined me and introduced me to a rather hairy friend of his who apparently likes to chew tobacco. I couldn't understand anything he said. Mr Skywalker explained that his friend was an Ewok. I was fascinated and wondered which part of Ewokia he came from. Mr Skywalker said that Mr Chew-Tobacco came from another planet.

Perhaps I should cut down on the gin.

I was joined for dinner by a lovely young man called Martin McFly and a Doctor Brown. Mr McFly obviously wasn’t too sure about sailing and was already wearing his life-vest. Doctor Brown seemed to be impressed by the feats of the intrepid Antarctic explorer Robert Scott because he continually exclaimed ‘Great Scott’. I agreed that Captain Scott was indeed great, but his constant reference to the fact did become rather tiresome.

I excused myself and headed to the bar for a few gin and tonics.

 

April 12th -

I left my cabin this morning to find that there was a police telephone box outside. I certainly don't recall it being there before. Perhaps I did have a gin or two too many. Anyway, a charming man wearing a floppy hat and a long scarf emerged and offered me a jelly baby (I have no idea what he meant). I asked his name and he told me that he was the doctor. I said, doctor who and he simply smiled. A man of mystery I thought.

I went for lunch and was joined by another charming young man who wore a bow tie and a sports jacket (very racy). He said it was so nice to meet me again. I don't recall meeting him on any previous occasions. He simply smiled and told me he was the doctor.

Perhaps I should take a few less gins at lunchtime.

At dinner I was joined by a young lady who sat down and talked as if we were old friends. So refreshing that a young lady should have such confidence. I asked her name and she smiled saying she was the doctor. I told her that I had never met a lady doctor before, and she told me that she was the first. How odd that I should meet three doctors on the same day.

During the evening I was joined by the man I assumed was the ship's captain. He told me his name was James T. Kirk and he had with him a fellow crew member who he introduced as the science officer, Mr Stock, I believe it was. He had the most unusual pixie-like ears. I was quite fascinated by them. The two men both seemed to be wearing casual wear for the evening. I suggested that whoever their tailor was should have made their trousers a bit longer. Mr Stock simply raised an eyebrow and said one word - illogical.

We were later joined by another two crew members who captain Kirk called Scotty and Bones. I think Scotty may have thought he could fool me into thinking he was Scottish, but having spent many a summer on Highland shooting trips with my Scottish cousin when I was a gel, I knew for a fact he wasn't; he didn't roll his r's the way my cousin did when we were banging away in the heather.

Mr Bones, it transpired, was another doctor. Fancy! Four doctors in one day.

 

April 13th -

I woke with a very sore head this morning. Too many gins maybe. Perhaps the doctor could give me a potion to relieve the throbbing. I knocked on the door of the police box which was answered by somebody I hadn't seen before. He spoke with a northern accent. I asked him if the doctor was in and he told me that he was the doctor. I really must have overdone the gin and tonics yesterday. The ship seems to be full of doctors.

At lunch I sat at a table with a chap called Arthur Dent who seemed to think it acceptable to wear his dressing gown and pyjamas. Standards are definitely not being upheld these days. It wouldn't have happened in the days of the dear old queen. Mr Dent had with him a chap called Ford Prefect, a lady who he called Trillion and a very odd looking individual called something like Zadok Needlebox. He wore a very loose garment to disguise a huge hump he had on one shoulder. Poor fellow. Perhaps it was the rocking motion of the ship, but I was sure I saw that hump moving around. At one point I swear I saw a third arm take some food and feed it to a second head hidden by the baggy outfit.

I really should cut down on the gin.

I was joined at dinner by Mr Skywalker with another friend, a small fellow wearing what appeared to be a dressing gown (So many untidy dressers) and he must have been suffering from sea sickness; he was a shocking hue of green. I couldn't help noticing his ears. They were even more pointed than Mr Stock's. Then the strangest thing happened; his ears actually wiggled.

Cut down on the gin, I should.

 

April 14th -

The weather is decidedly cold today. There seems to be a bit of a fog. I hope Captain Kirk can see where he's pointing the ship. I thought I would knock on the police box door to see who would open it. An old gentleman with long white hair peeping out below an Astrakhan hat, answered the door.

Just as he opened it, we heard a message from the captain on the bridge (a nautical term I believe) that an iceberg had been sighted and that if any of the passengers wanted to see it they should head for the starboard side of the ship. Well, with that, such a commotion occurred from within this tiny police box and suddenly another thirteen people emerged; including four of the doctors I had met previously. All seemed to be heading as quickly as they could for the starboard side. I looked all around the police box to ascertain where they had come from. What I had witnessed was nothing short of prestidigitation! They couldn't all have come out of this tiny little box. There was a lot of activity aboard as everybody rushed to see the iceberg. There seemed to be many more people on board than had embarked when the ship left Southampton. I have no idea where they had all come from.

I headed in a different direction towards the now deserted bar and ordered a very, very large gin and tonic. Maybe it was the drink, or perhaps it was the sheer number of people heading to the side of the ship, but I was convinced that the ship was beginning to list to one side.

 

*Yes, I know Star Wars doesn’t do time travel. Yet. Give it time. Just you wait until the plots dry up, they’ll be jumping back and forward in time like I don’t know what... And it did give me the excuse for a couple of feeble gags. This is the way.



.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or notorious individuals born on the 22nd of February? Of course there were; here are some I’ve actually heard of. George Washington 1732 (The well-known president.), Robert Baden-Powell 1857 (The well-known founder of the scouts. Married to Olave), Eric Gill 1882 (The well-known inventor of this typeface), Olave Baden-Powell 1889 (The well-known founder of the Girl Guide Movement [What’s so special about the way they move? - Ed.] Married to Robert.), Luis Buñuel 1900 (The well-known loony film director.), Robert Young 1907 (The well-known actor. Marcus Welby, that was him.), John Mills 1908 (Another well-known ectaw, dear leddie. Played Robert Falcon Scott in Scott of the Antarctic.), Bill Boddy 1913 (The not-so-well-known motoring journalist. He edited Motor Sport magazine from 1936 until 1991.), Norman ‘Hurricane’ Smith 1923 (Record producer and sometime singer. Here’s the bigger of his two hits.), William Wolfe 1924 (Politician. One time leader of the SNP.), Kenneth Williams 1926 (Ooooh! Matron!), Billy Dainty 1927 (Comedian with waggly legs), Guy Mitchell 1927 (Singer. Have a clip. All together now... I worked in a London bank.  Respectable position...), Bruce Forsyth 1928 (Entertainer, it says here.), Marni Nixon 1930 (Rarely seen but often heard on film. Provided the singing voice for Deborah Kerr (The King and I), Natalie Wood (West Side Story) and Audrey Hepburn (My Fair Lady). I think a clip is in order. Here’s an interesting piece.), Edward Kennedy 1932 (Politician from a rather well-known family), Katherine, Duchess of Kent 1933 (The well-known... erm... duchess.), Sheila Hancock 1933 (Ectress.), Jonathan Cecil 1939 (Actor who specialised in ‘silly ass’ roles.), Judy Cornwell 1940 (Actress), Christine Keeler 1942 (‘Showgirl’ who very nearly caused the collapse of the UK government of the day... But you’re not interested in that; you just want to see the picture.), 
 
Happy now, lads?
 
Tom Okker 1944 (Tennis speler.), John Radford 1947 (Footie bloke.), Deborah Grant 1947 (Actress.), Niki Lauda 1949 (Autorennfahrer.), John Duncan 1949 (Fitba block.), Miou Miou 1950 (Catlike actress.), Genesis P-Orridge 1950 (The well-known weirdo.), Julie Walters 1950 (Ectress, luvvie.), Nigel Planer 1953 (Actor. Had a hit record once and here it is.), Geoffrey Perkins 1953 (Radio and TV producer, writer and performer.), Gordon Kennedy 1958 (Actor.), Kyle MacLachlan 1959 (Actor), Steve Irwin 1962 (Daredevil who dared once too often.), Devon Malcolm 1963 (Crickety bloke.), Vijay Singh 1963, John Leslie 1966, Paul Cook 1967, Shaka Hislop 1969, Jamie Dolan 1969 (Golph khilaadee.), Brian Laudrup 1969 (Fodboldspiller.), Michael Chang 1972 (Tennis bloke.), James Blunt 1974 (Musician and rhyming slang. Bonfire Heart.  I should try Gaviscon, mate.), Chris Moyles 1974 (DJ.), Drew Barrymore 1975 (Actress.), Sergio Romero 1987 (Futbolista.), Kamran Khan 1990 (Squashy bloke.), Jack McMullen 1991 (Actor.), Ryan Christie 1995 (Fitba block.) and Adam Livingstone 1998 (Ex Motherwell fitba block.).

 

I’ve received a letter...

 

Dear Mr Rumpler,

I am the great fan of James Blunt the famous singer who has had the many hit records. I do not buy the single song discs but the album disc. The only disc I do not have is the last he make. Do you know the name of it?

Thank you very much,

Juan Suponatime.

 

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did our little bet go last Week? We got some money back. Yay! Not quite yay, we only got £2.08, so a loss of 12 pees. What happened? Read on.

 

Birmingham vs Brentford - Prediction Away win

Result - Birmingham 1 Brentford 1

Boo! ’It the bar!

Lukas Jutkiewicz tapped Birmingham in front from Gary Gardner's cross before Ethan Pinnock headed in the Brentford goal from a corner.

Teenager Jude Bellingham had almost given the Blues the lead inside the opening few minutes but saw his 20-yard strike bounce off the post.

A drab second half in appalling conditions saw home goalkeeper Lee Camp deny Emiliano Marcondes late on, while Birmingham thought they should have had a penalty when the ball appeared to hit Pinnock's arm in the area.

 

Sheffield Wed vs Reading - Prediction Home win

Result - Sheffield Wednesday 0 Reading 3

Boo!

Ovie Ejaria teed up Yakou Meite [These are people’s names? - Ed.] to open the scoring for the visitors in the first half before Wednesday's teenage defender Osaze Urhoghide was sent off shortly after the break for a second bookable offence.

George Puscas tapped in from an Andy Yiadom cross-shot and Sam Baldock wrapped up the win with a penalty in the last minute.

 

Ipswich vs Burton Albion - Prediction Home win

Result - Ipswich Town 4 Burton Albion 1

Yay!

Kayden Jackson and Alan Judge both scored twice as Ipswich came from behind to beat Burton 4-1.

Albion's goal came after a sixth-minute strike from Jamie Murphy.

Will Keane spurned a gilt-edged chance to put the home side into the lead when he had just Burton goalkeeper Kieran O'Hara to beat.

And Ipswich paid the price when Murphy soon struck for Albion.

Town goalkeeper Tomas Holy palmed over a shot from Joe Powell and Judge crashed a shot off the underside of the bar.

Judge did equalise in the 29th minute when he converted inside the six-yard box and Jackson put Town into the lead just before the break when he lobbed the ball over O'Hara, who was injured in the challenge and replaced by Ben Garratt.

Jackson stooped low to head home a cross from Judge to put Town further in front in the 52nd minute and Judge made it 4-1 in the 63rd minute when his low effort squirmed under Garratt and just crossed the line.

 

Southend vs Coventry - Prediction Away win

Result - Southend United 0 Coventry City 2

Yay!

The Sky Blues were denied by the woodwork on three occasions at a blustery Roots Hall but made sure of the win with goals from substitutes Callum O'Hare and Maxime Biamou.

Coventry came close to opening the scoring in the 28th minute when Jordan Shipley struck the outside of the left post.

Liam Walsh then curled a 25-yard free-kick against the crossbar before City broke the deadlock on the hour mark when O'Hare ran from deep before sending a low effort into the bottom right-hand corner of the net.

With City remaining on top, Sam McCallum curled a free-kick against the top of the crossbar before the visitors doubled their lead in the 79th minute with Biamou on target.

The Frenchman shrugged off the attentions of Shrimpers defender Miles Mitchell-Nelson before sending a 12-yard shot into the bottom corner to seal the win for City.

 

Macclesfield vs Exeter - Prediction Away win

Result - Macclesfield Town 2 Exeter City 3

Yay!

Exeter City let slip a two-goal lead before ex-Motherwell man Ryan Bowman scored a late winner to snatch victory at Macclesfield.

The visitors had been firmly in control once Nicky Ajose and Pierce Sweeney had established a 2-0 lead by the 16th minute.

The unmarked Ajose was given the simplest of tap-ins when Randell Williams' ball across the face of goal came to him a yard out.

And soon after, Sweeney produced a smart first-time finish from Brennan Dickenson's cross.

The visitors should have been further ahead before a fluke goal after 40 minutes gave struggling Macclesfield a lifeline.

Ben Tollitt delivered a cross into the area and the Grecians' Archie Collins fired his clearance against Connor Kirby, the rebound looping over goalkeeper Lewis Ward and into the net.

Despite playing into gale-force winds and torrential rain in the second half, Macc were the far better side and levelled through captain Fiacre Kelleher, who thundered home a header from Tollitt's corner after 63 minutes.

But, five minutes from time, an Exeter attack against the run of play ended with Williams' cross being turned in by Bowman.

 

I wonder what The Grambler has conjured up for us this week...

Game - Result - Odds

Crystal Palace vs Newcastle - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Sheffield Utd. vs Brighton - Prediction Home win - 19/20

Bristol C vs West Brom - Prediction Away win - 17/20

Stoke vs Cardiff - Prediction Home win - evens

Swansea vs Huddersfield - Prediction Home win - evens

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Predictions, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£11.02

Well, that’s a bit unwhopping, I reckon.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last time I asked you which Frenchman has made the most Premier League appearances. The answer was Silvain Distin with 469 appearances. Second was Nicolas Anelka with 364. Third, pop pickers, was Steed Malbranque with 336. Not arf!

One for this week? What was the original name of Burnley F.C.? Easy peasy.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Please, also take the time to click on this link, an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, I have just heard on the Beeb news that June Brown, who has played the character of Dot Cotton on Eastenders for the past 35 years, has decided to call it a day. Well, at 93 and with failing eyesight, she is perhaps entitled to think about taking it easy.

Why should I, someone who has never sat through a whole episode of the soap, even mention this fact? It is all to do with a little story that might bring a wee smile to your collective face.

Over seven years ago Stewart, the founder of the world's greatest ill-informed blog, was going through all sorts of hell thanks to the effects of bowel cancer and the various attempts to eradicate it. Most of his time was being spent in hospital with very little time at home.

As his second wedding anniversary approached, he thought about what might be an unusual gift for Geraldine. He didn't have much opportunity to go shopping but wanted to get something special; something different.

Now then, are you aware of the various materials associated with particular wedding anniversaries? We all know silver for 25 years, ruby for 40 and gold for 50, but there are many others.

A first wedding anniversary is, for example, paper. I'm not sure what paper gift is suitable for a wedding anniversary present... other than paper money. Always welcome.

Ten years is tin. Can't think of many things made of tin that would be welcomed as a gift. [Tin of beans? - Ed.]

Ahem... So what is the material associated with a second wedding anniversary? Yes? You at the back? It is indeed cotton. Well done.

So what did Stewart, in his not very mobile condition, do? He sent a letter to June Brown and asked her for a signed photograph of her as Dot Cotton. And do you know what? She obliged, wishing him and Geraldine a happy anniversary.

Isn't that a nice way to end this week's (g)ramble? June Brown; what a lovely lady.

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday 14 February 2020

Week 29 - Grambling to hell in a hand cart


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Hello young gramblers, whoever you are,
I hope your grambles are few.
All my good gramblings go with you tonight,
I've been grambled like you.

[Ooer, missus. - Ed.]

Yes, I know they’re not the right lyrics, but I couldn’t come up with another way to start the Saint Valentine week’s (g)ramble.

So, have you all sent your valentine cards to your loved ones and those hoped-to-be loved ones?

Tell me, did you ever receive cards when you were at school? There was always some guy who would brag that he got half a dozen cards. Always the cynic, I reckon those he got, he had bought and posted to himself.

Don’t get me wrong, I did get cards... well, a card... and it was always from the same person... someone who had unmistakable handwriting. It’s a bit bloody embarrassing getting a card from your auntie, I can tell you.

She probably thought she was doing the right thing.

I recall a teacher at primary school thought it would be a good idea to get everyone in the class to make a valentine card and ‘post’ it inside the desk of their favourite girl/boy. As can happen, all the boys fancied the same girl and the lid of her desk wouldn’t shut because of all the cardboard it contained. The girls seemed to have more varied tastes and I have to admit to receiving a couple of cards. However well-intentioned, the teacher’s idea backfired somewhat as it didn’t do much for those who had a fragile ego and there were some tears shed on the 14th of February in that classroom. Some of the girls were crying too.

Anyway, time to concentrate on the present. Have you noticed something about St. Val’s day cards? The colour. They all seem to share the same colour scheme.

Of course, it happens with all the card-heavy festivals: Easter tends to be celebrated with cards of mainly yellow, probably in deference to newly blooming daffodils or Easter chicks... I can’t remember many narcissi or newly hatched chickens being mentioned in the Bible’s portrayal of the Easter story, but perhaps I’ve missed something.

It is the same at Christmas. Red and green are the predominant colours associated with Crimbo. It’s probably all to do with the holly and the ivy... Possibly... I could be wrong, but can you come up with anything more plausible?

Even Hallowe’en, a festival where no cards are exchanged, has its own colour scheme. Orange and black are the hues of choice. I’m guessing that the black is there because Hallowe’en is a night time thing so it is all to do with the darkness. [Ooh, they were good... I believe in a fing called love, just listen to the rhythm of my heart... That’s not The Darkness you mean, is it? - Ed.] No. [Just ignore me. - Ed.] I always do... And the orange relates to pumpkins, obviously.

Valentine’s day? Red and black. Sorry pardon excuse me? Where in the handbook does it say that anything relating to St. Valentine’s day should be red and black? For some reason, red roses are synonymous (That’s a good word. Wonder what it means.) with St. Val’s day so that could explain the red, but where does black come into it? Maybe it’s because the giver of the card would like be in the dark with... Let’s not go there.

Did you know that Saint Valentine is also the patron saint of leprosy? No? Well, he is. He succeeded in converting many individuals to Christianity. He overstepped the mark though, when he tried to get Roman Emperor Claudius Gothicus to change. Claudius decided that Val should renounce his faith or be executed. Naturally, Val decided he wanted to be a martyr and so was sentenced to death by clubbing [I quite like clubbing. - Ed.] Shh... This is serious... and by stoning [I quite like getting stoned too; especially when I’m clubbing - Ed.]. Quiet. Please...When that didn’t kill him, he was beheaded. [Ooh, I don’t like that idea. - Ed.] He was later made a saint because he is said to have restored the sight of a blind girl. So, now you know. Today has not been wasted.

I’d better pack in now... I’ve still to get Mrs G’s card.

 



.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or notorious individuals born on the 15th of February? Of course there were; here are some I’ve actually heard of. Henry Steinway 1797 (Made joannas.), Charles Tiffany 1812 (Sold jewellery.), Robert Fuchs [How do you pronounce that? - Ed.] 1847 (Composer. Have a clip. Here is Timid Little Heart. Note who made the joanna.), Ernest Shackleton 1874 (Explorer. On his failed expedition to the South Pole in 1914 his ship became embedded in the ice so Shackleton famously managed to get back to civilisation without losing a single member of his crew. Sadly, they returned to Britain in 1917 with the war at its height and most were immediately conscripted to the army and sent to the ‘trenches’. After the three year struggle of the Antarctic expedition, it is a sad irony that several died within weeks of joining up.), Henry ‘H.M’ Bateman 1887 (Cartoonist. The man who...), Gale Sondergaard 1899 (Actress.), Cesar Romero 1907 (Actor. A bit of a joker.), Sidney Gilliat 1908 (Film maker.), Max Aitken 1910 (Politician.), Charlie Cairoli 1910 (Circus clown.), Sam Kydd 1915 (Actor. You silly c-c-c-clot.), Ronnie Aldrich 1916 (Musician. Have some easy listening.), Allan Arbus 1918 (Large aeroplane.), Harvey Korman 1927 (Hedley Lamarr.), Graham Hill 1929 (Posh racey car bloke.), Gerald Harper 1929 (Ector. Adam Adamant. Leave this man alone.), Claire Bloom 1931 (Ectress.), Troy Kennedy Martin 1932 (Screenwriter. The Italian Job, that was one of his.), Jimmy Bloomfield 1934 (Footy bloke.), Glyn Johns 1942 (Musician, recording engineer and record producer to the stars. Here’s his cover of the Paul McCartney song I'll Follow The Sun.  I thought I should check details on his Wikipedia page. First line? ‘Not to be confused with Glynis Johns’. Well, it made me smile.), Mick Avory 1944 (A Kink. Here he is battering away Till the end of the day.), John Helliwell 1945 (Saxophonist... They can’t touch you for it. Here’s Babaji.), Clare Short (Small politician.), John Adams 1947 (Composer. Let’s go for a short ride in a fast machine.), Billy Nicholls 1949 (Singer/songwriter. Here he is singing Would You Believe. [Why wouldn’t I believe he was singing? - Ed.] Aye, right. You might recognise the backing vocalist.), Markku Alén 1951 (Rallyförare.), Jane Seymour 1951 (Actress, it says here.), Tony Adams 1953 (Film producer.), Matt Groening 1954 (Creator of The Simpsons.), Desmond Haynes 1956 (Crickety bloke.), Adam Boulton 1959 (Newsreader.), Ali Campbell 1959 (UB40 vocalist. Here’s Maybe Tomorrow.), Martin Rowson 1959 (Satirical cartoonist.), Mikey Craig 1960 (A bit of Culture Club. Have a clip. This is a post-Culture Club toon, I'm a Believer. No, not that one.), Syed Kamall 1967 (Politician.), Scott Severin 1979 (Footy bloke.), Don Cowie 1983 (Footie bloke.), Jadey Duffield 1991 (Actress.) and Ben Foakes 1993 (Crickety bloke.).

 

I’ve received a letter...

 

Dear Mr Nash-Hudson,

How wonderful that you acknowledged the accomplished songwriter Billy Nicholls. He wrote a few hits, but his biggest was a song recorded by Leo Sayer, Phil Collins, The Outlaws, Keith Urban, The Quireboys and it has even been sung by Taylor Swift. The problem is, we can’t remember the title. Can you help.

Yours wholeheartedly,


 

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did our little bet go last time? Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Not a ha’penny back. What happened? Read on.

 

 

Exeter vs Stevenage - Prediction Home win

Result - Exeter 2 Stevenage 1

Yay!

Substitute Matt Jay was the hero, scoring the winner with nine minutes remaining in a match where the result was far more comfortable than the scoreline suggests.

It took until the 37th minute for the deadlock to be broken as Randell Williams planted a bullet header past Paul Farman from Pierce Sweeney's excellent cross.

Nicky Ajose came close to making it 2-0 when he latched onto Williams' ball over the top, but his attempted lob went just the wrong side of the upright.

Stevenage responded with a shot from Canice Carroll that flew wide of goal - their first effort of note coming on the hour-mark - while (ex-Motherwell man) Ryan Bowman struck the post for Exeter after a superb move.

The Grecians got stronger as the game went on, but could not finish the opportunities they were creating and were made to pay with 10 minutes remaining when Sweeney was robbed of the ball and it was played to Daniel Kemp to lash home.

Exeter hit straight back, though, as Nicky Ajose poked the ball back to Jay and he picked his spot to make it 2-1 from close range for the winner in the 81st-minute.

 

Forest Green vs Walsall - Prediction Home win

Result - Forest Green 1 Walsall 2

Boo!

Josh Gordon's 50th-minute penalty and a sumptuous strike from substitute Wes McDonald in the 72nd minute put Walsall in control.

Forest Green made the game interesting when Aaron Collins flicked home with four minutes to go but the Saddlers hung on.

Orient vs Macclesfield - Prediction Home win

Result - Orient 1 Macclesfield 1

Ooh! ’It the bar.

James Brophy put Orient ahead in the 75th minute when he raced down the left side before angling a superb drive into the net.

It seemed that Orient would be on course for the three points in a tightly-contested duel, but substitute Jacob Blyth had the final word after being setup by another substitute and new signing Donovan Wilson, who produced a sublime pass and the former Motherwell forward finished off the move with a powerful effort.

Curse you Blyth!

 

Newport vs Cambridge - Prediction Home win

Result - Newport 0 Cambridge 1

Boo!

Liam O'Neil's goal was the difference as Cambridge United secured all three points against Newport County.

Jamille Matt had two opportunities in first-half stoppage-time to put County ahead but Cambridge goalkeeper Callum Burton was up to the task.

The deadlock was finally broken when Paul Mullin's shot was parried by Tom King and O'Neil reacted quickest to put Cambridge ahead after 68 minutes.

 

Northampton vs Port Vale - Prediction Home win

Result - Northampton 0 Port Vale 1

Boo!

Vale’s David Worrall shot wide in the first few minutes, while Scott Brown made two comfortable stops at the other end, keeping out Mark Marshall and Nicky Adams.

Lloyd Jones also had a shot blocked, but a dour first half was otherwise short on clear-cut chances.

Callum Morton found the side-netting moments after the resumption and Adams then missed a golden opportunity, side-footing wide when left unmarked.

Brown tipped over Sam Hoskins' volley and reacted superbly to thwart Vadaine Oliver as the Cobblers cranked it up.

But it was the visitors who took a shock lead with 18 minutes to go, when Tom Conlon's cross was headed home by Worrall at the back post.

Northampton piled on the pressure in search of an equaliser, but Brown continued to frustrate them, saving excellently from Adams late on.

 

Rubbish or what? [Definitely rubbish. - Ed.] Can The Grambler make amends this week? [Don’t hold your breath. - Ed.]

 

Game - Result - Odds

Birmingham vs Brentford - Prediction Away win - 10/11

Sheffield Wed vs Reading - Prediction Home win - 19/20

Ipswich vs Burton Albion - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Southend vs Coventry - Prediction Home win - 3/4

Maclesfield vs Exeter - Prediction Away win - 10/11

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Predictions, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£11.86

Did anything interesting happen in the year 1186? Hmm... Not much. John the Chanter became Bishop of Exeter. I can imagine the scene some days after his installation...

‘Gonnae f****** shut the f*** up! You huvnae stopped that f****** chanting since ye f****** well got here!’

... but in Latin, of course.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Teaser time. Yay! Last time I asked you what team did Alf Garnett support and what was the character of Alf Garnett’s name changed from after the pilot edition was shown as part of the Beeb’s Comedy Playhouse series of 1965. I also asked you why it was changed. His team was West Ham and that first show featured the character as Alf Ramsey. I’m not sure if that was deliberate on writer Johnny Speight’s part. Perhaps he didn’t much like the England manager. I’m guessing that it wasn’t picked up by Beeb Beeb Ceeb top brass (probably because they knew nothing about football) until that first episode had been made. Once it was broadcast, I am sure there were plenty of complaints and so, one of Britain’s most famous comedy characters was born.

One for this week? Here is one for those of you who know your Premier League players; specifically French players. Which Frenchman has made the most Premier League appearances? Simple question. Try it out down the pub.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, also take the time to click on this link, an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. M. Rowson, one of this week’s birthday celebrants, who is a cartoonist specialising in political satire. He has worked for The Daily Mirror, The Times, The New Statesman, The Spectator, The Morning Star, The Scotsman, The Irish Times, Time Out and many other publications. This week we finish with his take on the current state of world politics (which probably infringes copyright laws, but it really is too good to not share with you).

 

 

Donald and Boris and the special relationship
 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com
 
Happy grambling.

 

Saturday 8 February 2020

Week 27/28 - Grambling up the wall


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 


We begin the blog today with a nice little toon. All together now...

La la la la la

La la la la la la

La la la la la la la

La la la la la

La la la la la la

La la la la la la la

Thing

Thing a thong

Thing out loud

Thing out thtrong

Thing of good thingth

Not bad

Thing of happy

Not thad

Thing

Thing a thong

Make it thimple

to latht your whole life long

Don’t worry if itth not good en...

[How could you?! You are making fun of people who can’t talk properly! Appalling behaviour! - Ed.]

I’m not.

[Yeth you are... Whatth going on? Why am I thpeaking tho thtrangely? Why can’t I thay my etheth? - Ed.]

The eth on my keyboard ith acting up, tho I’ve got to uthe ‘th’ to replace it.

[That’th prepothterouth? How can you produce a whole blog while thounding like Daffy Duck? - Ed.]

It theems to be intermittent and it can thuddenly thort itself out. See? It’s done it again.

Let’s get on with this week’s blog.

Sorry about that start. It wasn't designed to poke fun at speech impediments. Perish the thought. However, it does lead us nicely into this week's (g)ramble which is to do with voiceovers. Sorry pardon excuse me?

Do you remember the days when to be an announcer/presenter on radio or television a person had to speak proper Beeb Beeb Ceeb English. It was all a bit forced, but at least every syllable of every word could be understood.
Nowadays, it seems that anything goes. We have had professional cockney, Ray Onestone telling us to gaymbool reeshponshibly for years.

Mind you, his crown as the most annoying fake cockney might be slipping; Danny dialler is breathing down his neck as the presenter of a programme supposed to be called The Wall but he calls it 'Duh woo.'

Another annoying speaker has turned up on a programme called Countryfile. I don't mean Matt Baker from off of The One Show. [He’s done more shows than one, surely. - Ed.] Don't call me Shirley. Ahem. He has a Geordie accent, but it has been ironed out a bit, unlike the accents of Ray Winsome and Danny Dire. Mind you, if he hadn't adapted it for television he would probably have been as unintelligible (That's a good word. Must look it up.) as the farmer in Shaun the Sheep whose speech consists of noises... Eh? Ooh hoo. Wuh hey. Huh huh huh. Ay etc..

No, the guy I'm referring to is the bloke in the wheelchair. I know the Beeb likes to promote its inclusion credentials by employing disabled people in plum jobs, but I think being able to talk properly ought to be that guy's main qualification. He speaks in what is called estuary English. In other words, he comes from the London area. His accent isn't quite as thick as the aforementioned Messrs Winton and Dryer, but it's too close for my liking. F sounds abound when he should be saying th. He would probably argue that his accent wasn't vat fick.

Sticking with mockney cockney, one of the worst offenders in the TV presentation world is Mike Blewitt, presenter of Wheeler Dealers. He uses a steering wool to guide a vehicle and presses the selleray'uh to make it go faster. I love cars and I would dearly love to watch Wheeler Dealers but can't because I want to throw something at the television whenever Mr Brewster opens his noof en saahf.

Regular readers of the world's most ill-informed blog, may recall my love for the erudite Mr Jamie Callahan who is regularly seen on Sky football programmes [Now you're just being sarcastic. - Ed.] Indeed I am being sarcastic. His scouse accent is pretty much impenetrable... ‘Dey tink der a good team. Der noh.’ Translation: They think they are a good team. They are not.

That is bad enough, but of late a different type of annoying accent is being deployed by the TV companies. Don't think me racist, but it is obviously the voice of a young black person. The advert is for Macburger or Donald King or some such. The ad tells us that a particular item can be purchased for 99p. Nothing wrong with the wording of the advert. And the message is getting through loud and clear. So what is my gripe? That young black person's accent; particularly the way she pronounces 99. It comes out as naah y naan. It isn't trendy or clever to use someone who can’t talk properly, whoever came up with this particular campaign. It is just bloody annoying.

That is bad enough, but the British Broadcorping Casteration in its corporate wisdom thinks that such a 'trendy' way of speaking should be utilised more. So we now have a continuity announcer (or whatever they are called these days) telling us about some forthcoming highlight on Friday evening. Again the information being given is understood but the pronunciation just grates. Well, to me anyway. Highlight comes out as 'hah lat' and Friday night comes out as 'fraddy nat'.

I'm all for diversification but come on Beeb Beeb Ceeb, there is a limit to what is acceptable. As Stewart Lee, the well-known comedian, says, it makes you long for the days when having a regional accent was seen as a disadvantage.

 

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or notorious individuals born on the 1st of February? Of course there were; here are some I’ve actually heard of. Henry Briggs 1630 (Mathematician who gave us logarithms [Sounds painful. - Ed.]), Clara Butt 1872 (Chanter. Here’s a 111 year old clip of her giving it laldy - Ombra mai fu), John Ford 1894 (Film director. Westerns were his forte.), Stephen Potter 1900 (Orfer.), Clark Gable 1901 (Actor. Could you give a damn?), Stanley Matthews 1915 (Footie bloke. Oldest ever player in the English top flight, still playing when aged 50.), Muriel Spark 1918 (Orfer. The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, that was one of hers.), Colin Watson 1920 (Orfer.), Peter Sallis 1920 (Ector. Wallace of Wallace and Gromit fame.), Boris Yeltsin 1931 (The well-known drunkard president.), Don Everly 1937 (Performed with brother Phil in a singing duo. [Really? Which one? - Ed.] Have a clip. Here they wonder when they'll be loved.), Claude François 1939 (Chanteur. Voici Comme d’habitude dans son original Français.  Profitez-en.), Terry Jones 1942 (Actor, writer, comedian, film director and historian... In fact, a right old smarty boots.), Elisabeth Sladen 1946 (Ectress. Played Sarah Jane Smith in Dr. Who and various spinoffs... Erm... That’s it.), Adam Ingram 1947 (Politician. One time M.P. for Polomint City.), Rick James 1948 (Musician. Have a clip... Ever wondered where M.C. Hammer got that riff? Here’s Super Freak.), Nick Magnus 1955 (Musician. Fancy a clip? Here’s Winter. Nick is on keyboards, by the way... He doesn't sing.  Just thought I would clarify that.), Luther Blissett 1958 (Footy bloke.), Simon Stainrod 1959 (Footy bloke.), Linus Roache 1964 (Ectaw. Ken Barlow’s lad.), Brandon Lee 1965 (Actor. Son of Bruce.), Lisa Marie Presley 1968 (Elvis’s lass and Jacko’s missus.), Andrew VanWyngarden 1983 (Half of MGMT [Which? MG or MT? - Ed.] A clip?  It's time to pretend.), Darren Fletcher 1984 (Footy bloke.), Dean Shiels 1985 (Another footy bloke.), Dan Gosling 1990 (Footy bloke.) and Harry Styles 1994 (Singer who has that X factor. A clip? This is a sign of the times.).

What about the 8th of February? John Ruskin 1819 (Orfer.), Jules Verne 1828 (Auteur.), John Moore-Brabazon 1884 (Politician.), Edith Evans 1888 (Ectress. Famous for two words and two words only... ‘A handbag?’ Not much of a legacy.), King Vidor 1894 (Film maker. Not really a king.), Lana Turner 1921 (Actress.), Jack Lemmon 1925 (Actor.), James Dean 1931 (Actor.), Cliff Allison 1932 (Racey car bloke.), John Williams 1932 (Composer. Famous for writing many film theme tunes from the 1970s onwards. Before that, TV was his domain and he provided a few theme toons. Let’s hear an early example, here's Checkmate. ), Nick Nolte 1941 (Actor.), Roger Lloyd-Pack 1944 (Actor.), Carolyn Pickles 1952 (Ectress.), Mary Steenburgen 1953 (Actress.), John Grisham 1955 (Orfer.), Vince Neil 1961 (A bit of Mötley Crüe. A clip? Here’s Girls Girls Girls. At least there's nothing sexist about the accompanying video.), Trinny Woodall 1964 (TV presenter.), Hristo Stoichkov 1966 (футболен човек.), Alex ‘Tattie’ Marshall 1967 (Bowly bloke.), Gary Coleman 1968 (Actor.), Seth Green 1974 (Voice artist these days apparently.), Abi Titmuss 1976 (Actress.), Ralf Little 1980 (Actor.) and Javi Garcia 1987 (Hombre de fútbol.).

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

 

Dear Mr Mambo,

Before I retired, I was a film writer for a well-known newspaper and I got to see every film release there was. I am so pleased that you gave us a link to a John Williams composition. I always felt that his rip-roaring tunes were perfectly suited to the film one was about to see. Think Star Wars or... that other one. What was it called again? Indiana Jones! That’s it, yes. Both had rousing tunes that went so well with the films for which they were written. He could produce gentler pieces as well. There was a film from 1987... or was it 88? My memory isn’t what it was. Anyway, he provided lovely music for a film called... No. It’s gone. It was a good film too. I wonder what it was called...

Yours absent-mindedly,


 

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did our little bet go last time? It won. Yay? Definitely yay. £3.28 back from our £2.20 stake. Woo hoo! An actual profit! What happened? Read on.

 

Blackpool vs Tranmere - Result Home win

Result - Match postponed

I have no idea what effect that has on the bet.

Stevenage vs Plymouth - Result Away win

Result - Stevenage 1 Plymouth Argyle 2

Yay!

Both sides had early chances to take the lead with the hosts forcing Argyle keeper Alex Palmer into a top save through Jake Cassidy before Antoni Sarcevic's shot trickled wide at the other end.

Argyle hit the front in the 47th minute as Byron Moore coolly finished after being played through by George Cooper.

The match was disrupted in the second half as the ground was plunged into darkness following a floodlight failure.

After the restart, Palmer produced a fine stop to tip Charlie Carter's strike onto the crossbar and keep the visitors ahead.

New boy Ryan Hardie bagged his third goal in as many games as he rounded Paul Farman in the Stevenage goal before firing home in the 77th minute.

Carter pulled one back for Boro with eight minutes to go as he nodded home off the post but Argyle held on.

 

Swindon vs Port Vale - Result Home win

Result - Swindon 3 Port Vale 0

Yay!

The Robins took the lead in the 41st minute when Diallang Jaiyesimi's shot took a deflection off Leon Legge and into the back of the net, when the initial effort was going wide of the far post.

In first-half stoppage time, the hosts doubled their lead in much better style.

Midfield playmaker Michael Doughty picked out Rob Hunt with a sensational through ball and Hunt cut it back across goal for debutant Hallam Hope to slide in his first goal three days after joining from Carlisle.

Doughty finished matters on the hour by curling in a majestic free-kick with his left foot into the right-hand side of the net, with the Robins putting daylight between themselves and Exeter.

It could have been 4-0 five minutes later, but Kaiyne Woolery was denied by the post. Vale rarely threatened but Mark Cullen shot over early in the second half.

 

Queen of the South vs Alloa - Result Home win

Result - Queen of the South 2 Alloa 3

Boo!

Kevin O'Hara's opening goal came after the Queen of the South defence failed to clear the danger and the striker took advantage.

He then turned provider as he played a lovely ball across the face of goal, Robert Thompson finishing off with ease.

Jack Hamilton came on as a second-half substitute and got the better of a mistake by Alloa Keeper Andy Wilson, who'd come on to replace the injured Jamie MacDonald.

Stephen Dobbie then unleashed a stunning strike from about 20 yards to equalise.

Both sides pushed forward looking for the winner, and with nine minutes to go Alloa found it. A lovely ball in from the right from Ben Stirling found O'Hara in space and he wrapped up the win.

 

Raith vs Montrose - Result Home win

Result - Raith Rovers 4 Montrose 3

Yay!

No match report. Boo.

Not a bad result for The Grambler; can he/she/it continue the good work? [Doubt it. - Ed.] Here are this week’s predictions...

Game - Result - Odds

Exeter vs Stevenage - Prediction Home win - 4/6

Forest Green vs Walsall - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Orient vs Macclesfield - Prediction Home win - 17/20

Newport vs Cambridge - Prediction Home win - 3/4

Northampton vs Port Vale - Prediction Home win - 19/20

 

Uh oh, The Grambler is stuck in one division mode again; all predictions are from the English League 2. Anyway, the bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Predictions, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£10.64

Woo, two pees more than last time.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last time I asked you what Jairzinho, Chris Kamara, Gary McAllister and Robbie Elliot have in common. The answer is that they all share the same birthday. It is a birthday they share with somebody even more famous: Jesus. They were all born on Christmas day.

One for this week? Here’s one that is, sort of, football related. Till Death Us Do Part was a popular Beeb Beeb Ceeb comedy from the 1960s. Its main characters were Alf and Else Garnett with daughter Rita and her husband Mike Rawlins. Alf was a mad keen football fanatic. Two questions for you this week: What team did Alf support and what was the character of Alf Garnett’s name changed from after the pilot edition shown as part of the Beeb’s Comedy Playhouse series of 1965 and why was is changed? [That’s three questions sure... by my reckoning. - Ed.]

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Please, also take the time to click on this link, an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

 

And finally Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. T. Jones who didn’t quite live long enough to celebrate his 78th birthday on February the 1st. Terry died on January the 21st. I had followed his career from the mid 1960s (Yes, I am that old.) when he appeared with Michael Palin and Eric Idle in Do Not Adjust Your Set, a programme I have mentioned before in this esteemed blog. My favourite Terry Jones was not so much the comedian as the writer. I recommend that you read his book Douglas Adams’ Starship Titanic: A Novel based on an early computer game developed by Douglas Adams. An excellent read. What a pity Jones wasn’t the author entrusted with continuing the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy novels after Adams’ death rather than Eoin Colfer. Only my opinion, of course, but Jones’ sense of the absurd was closer to Adams way of thinking. Any road up, I’m waffling on here... You just want a clip to finish this week’s edition, don’t you? Have you ever watched Horrible Histories? It takes a look at historical events and gives them a comedy twist. What a novel idea, I hear you say. Not so, says I. Terry Jones and Michael Palin were there first... over 50 years ago. Let’s go back to 1969 and enjoy The Complete and Utter History of Britain.

 
Just a leetle waffer theen meent
 

 

That’th all for thith week folkth, but remember you can read the muthingth of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.