Friday, 16 November 2018

Week 13 - The whistling Grambler


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Hello grambling chums. I imagine you have all been wondering where your favourite ill-informed blog has been these past few weeks. Oh, you haven't. Well, you should have been.

I've been on holiday. [Really? How very boring. Sorry, meant interesting. - Ed.] I'm sure you are all desperate to know where I went... No? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway.

Here's a clue. Take it away Messrs Peter, Paul and Mary... I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again...

Have you guessed? Yes, Mrs G and I have been on a ship. Across the Atlantic. Again. I do enjoy travelling in what is basically a posh hotel. I like being referred to as sir when I sit down for dinner instead of the over-familiar ‘guys’ which seems to be the norm these days. Call me a snob [You're a snob. - Ed.] ...Thank you... but why not.

Five days at sea and do you know what I saw? The sea. Nothing else. No other ships. Not one. Absolutely not a thing did I see. I tell a lie; I saw some flying fish. But that was it. No other sign of life, just horizon to horizon water.

This set me thinking. On the plane coming home from the Caribbean, we were given the usual safety drill. You know the sort of thing... please adopt the brace position in the event of the plane plummeting to earth resulting in 100 per cent loss of life, so that your teeth remain intact for identification when your mangled corpse is recovered from the wreckage. I have never quite understood that one. I agree with Paul Merton; if you can't be identified, how on earth are they going to find out who your dentist is?

Any road up, back to that safety drill. The last part of the instruction is how you put your life jacket on. Yes, a life jacket could be a life saver if your plane comes down at sea... even though it is unlikely to remain attached to your body as you drop into the water at 9.81 metres per second (one of the few facts I remember from my physics lessons at school). The final detail? It is equipped with a little light and, of all things, a whistle to attract attention. Now, let's consider that sea journey I was on... Nothing for hundreds of miles in all directions.

Looking for assistance? You can whistle for it, mate.

A lifesaver



 
 


.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 17th of November? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. August Möbius 1790 (Mathemetician. Famous for his strip.), Bernard Montgomery 1887 (The well-known field-marshal.), Lee Strasberg 1901 (Actor. Famous for his method.), Soichiro Honda 1906 (Founder of the motor manufacturing company which bears his name. Here’s a factoid for you. VW produced 21.5 million Type 1 ‘Beetles’; a huge amount. However, that figure is but a trifle when you learn that on the 19th of October 2017, Honda produced its 100 millionth ‘Super Cub’ motorcycle. It, more than any other vehicle, has provided - and continues to provide - transport for the masses.), Roy Scherer 1925 (Who? He was an actor better known as Rock Hudson.), Fenella Fielding 1927 (Comedy actress.), Peter Cook 1937 (Satirist.), Auberon Waugh 1939 (Writer. Son of Evelyn.), Bob Gaudio 1942 (A Season. With the three others, had a string of hits beginning with this one which he also wrote.  All together now... She-erry...), Martin Scorsese 1942 (Film maker.), Lauren Hutton 1943 (Clothes horse and actress.), Gene Clark 1944 (A Byrd.  He wrote this one.  Those dancers are giving it all they’ve got, aren’t they?*), Danny DeVito 1944 (Actor.), Roland Joffé 1945 (Film director.), Martin Lancelot Barre 1946 (Geetarist with Jethro Tull from 1969 through to 2012. A clip of him at work? Why not.  Here is a Minstrel in the Gallery.  The sound quality isn’t the best. Sorry about that.), Rod Clements 1947 (Musician. A bit of Lindisfarne. He co-wrote this one that all you old folkers might remember.), Jack Vettriano 1951 (Artist, it says here.), Peter Cox 1955 (Singer with Go West before they went west. Here they are closing their eyes.), Jim McGovern 1956 (Politician.), Jonathan Ross 1960 (How do I categorise someone whose only attribute seems to be that he can talk? A lot. And quickly.), RuPaul 1960 (Drag queen.) and Jeff Buckley 1966 (Musician. A clip? Here’s a nice toon... Last Goodbye.).

* Would you like to hear about a spooky moment? You know I have mentioned the odd spooky moment or two before, well, here is one relating to this very clip. I began compiling this ‘birthday honours’ list on Wednesday. When I got to Gene Clark, I thought that I would give you a link to a Byrds’ classic such as Mr Tambourine Man or Eight Miles High. However, I happened upon the song I’ll Feel a Whole Lot Better and, although I had never heard of the song, I thought it might be apt since it was penned by Mr Clark, so that was the one I selected.

Fast forward now to Thursday afternoon. I was in the kitchen preparing dinner. What? Macaroni cheese, if you must know. Any road up, I decided to switch on the radio. There was some soprano giving it laldy on Radio 3 and Radio 4 was just blanket Brexit coverage, so I switched to Radio 6 Music.

I almost spilt my cheese sauce when I heard what tune was playing. Yep. I’ll Feel a Whole Lot Better by the Byrds.  A teensy bit eerie, I can tell you.

  

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Tangler,

It was lovely of you to give a link to a lovely song by that lovely band, the Four Seasons. I’ve always loved them. They were always more popular in the US than here in the lovely UK, but I do remember them having a couple of top ten hits here after the lovely Sherry. One was the lovely Rag Doll, but I can’t remember the next, though I’m sure it was lovely. Can you help?

Yours with lots of lovely love,

Les Hann-Gonn.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. Well, it was a few weeks ago, so I won’t go into detail about results. Suffice to say, our last bet won. Honest. Nae kidding. Gen up. All five matches went as predicted by The Grambler. We raked in an admirable £9.66 for the Bobby Moore Fund. Woo hoo!

Shall we see what The Grambler has predicted for us this week? Yes, let’s.

Game - Result - Odds

Fleetwood vs Walsall - Prediction Home win - Evens

Doncaster vs Wimbledon - Prediction Home win - 17/20

Oxford vs Gillingham - Prediction Home win - Evens

Peterborough vs Bradford - Prediction Home win - 13/20

Sunderland vs Wycombe - Prediction Home win - 3/5

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£10.50

 

Is that whopping? Not really.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last time I asked you consider some names: Mike England, Stephen Ireland, Jason Scotland and Don Welsh. All internationalists, I told you, but only one of the four played for the country indicated by his surname. Could you spot him? Of course you could; it was Stephen Ireland.

One for this week? Indeed. Two questions in one. Which team was eliminated from the 2018 World Cup because of which new means of selection? Hmm.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

As usual, I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr P. Cook who appears in this week’s birthday list. Yes, I know I have given you links to his work before in this august blog. Who can forget Super-thunder-sting-car, or his judge summing up in the Jeremy Thrope case? [I can and have. - Ed.] Both of these Peter Cook gems have appeared in previous editions. I don’t apologise for giving you yet another clip. I loved much of his work, though I could never forgive him for his and Dud’s creations Derek and Clive. Yes, it brought his comedy to a whole new audience as students latched onto this X certificated album of filth, but I felt it was a dreadful waste of his talent. And he was talented. Incredibly. Even as a student, his material was considered to be far superior to other students’ ideas of what was funny. So, to finish, here is a clip from the 1979 Secret Policeman’s Ball in which he recreates one of his student sketches with John Cleese struggling to keep a straight straight-man face. Ladeez and genullum, please enjoy some interesting facts.

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 20 October 2018

Week 12 - The Grambler warns of a scam


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Let’s start with a gag I heard on the radio...

What’s the difference between

 

and

 

The answer is

 

Boom and indeed tish.

Actually, that doesn’t work when it’s written down, because I couldn’t add the sound effects.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Woo hoo! I'm getting a rebate on my tv licence. Apparently, I've overpaid by £472.90. Crikey, that's three years' worth. Brilliant or what.

Even better, I'm getting a rebate on my gas bill. Terrific. I'm due to receive £472.90. What a coincidence! The same amount. What are the chances of that happening?

Quite high, you'll have realised by now, since this is obviously an attempted scam.

I received an email from the tv licensing authority to tell me about the rebate on my tv licence. I was immediately wary when I noticed that the word licence (UK spelling) was always spelt license (US spelling). The Beeb Beeb Ceeb doesn't do American spelling, don't-cha-know.

I then checked the link to a web page that I could go to if I had any questions. It didn't exist. It wasn't highlighted in blue so obviously it didn't exist. The only link highlighted was one that stated 'click here to claim'. Actually, that in itself didn't make sense because the email had already stated that I didn't have to do anything. And why would I when everything is paid by direct debit anyway? No doubt if I had been stupid enough to actually click on the link, I would have been asked for my bank details so that whoever was perpetrating (That's a good word. Wonder what it means.) the scam could put the money into my account. Oh aye. Sure.

The second email that came was supposed to be from British gas. The wording of the message was more or less identical. Again, it asked me to click here to claim. As before, I was reluctant to do so.

Honestly, these people must think I button up the back. They picked the wrong person if they think I'm going to fall for their little con.

Anyway, I'll have to go now; I've promised a Nigerian Prince that I will help him get his hands on his rightful fortune which he is going to share with me as soon as I email him my bank details...

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 6th of October? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Christopher Wren 1632 (Architect. Not a real wren.), Charles Ives 1874 (Composer. Have a clip. Here’s The Unanswered Question.  I think the question is, why was that ever ‘written’.), Margaret Dumont 1882 (Ectress, famously played foil to Groucho Marx in seven Marx Brothers films.), Bela Lugosi 1882 (The original Count Dracula.), Jelly Roll Morton 1890 (Musician. Another clip vicar? Here’s Wolverine Blues.), Rex Ingram 1895 (Actor. Genie in The Thief of Baghdad, that was him. [Fancy calling a bloke Jeanie. - Ed.]), Frank Churchill 1901 (Composer. He wrote this. All together now... We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig...), Anna Neagle 1904 (Ectress, dwahhhling. Not really an eagle... I may have done that gag before), Edward Douglas-Scott-Montagu, 3rd Baron Montagu of Beaulieu 1926 (Founder of the National Motor Museum.), William Christopher 1932 (Actor. Father Mulcahy in M*A*S*H.), Iain Macmillan 1938 (Photographer. You may not know the man, but you’ll know his most famous work. See below.), Kathy Kirby 1940 (Chanter. Here she pleads with her lover to let her go. ), Sandra Dickinson 1948 (Actress. Tricia McMillan aka Trillion. One for Hitch-Hikers’ Guide to the Galaxy fans there.), Tom Petty 1950 (Musician. Have a clip.  Here he is learning to fly.), Claudio Ranieri 1951 (King of Leicester.), Danny Boyle 1956 (Film director.), Mark King 1958 (Musician. Level 42 main man. Another Hitch-Hikers reference there. A clip? Here’s The Chinese Way. ), Viggo Mortensen 1958 (Actor, producer, author, musician, director, photographer, poet, and painter. In fact, a right old smarty boots.), Mark Little 1959 (Comedian and actor. Joe Mangel in Neighbours.), Ian Rush 1961 (Pêl-droediwr isn’t it.), Norman Blake 1965 (A bit of Teenage Fanclub. Another clip? Aye, go on then. Here is an early hit, Star Sign.  I say hit, it reached number four in one of those specific US charts... You know the sort of thing 'Rock chart for bands with more than one E in their name'.  That sort of thing.  I'm surprised it didn't get as high as number two; it seems like number two material to me... I may have done that gag before.), Susan Tully 1968 (Ectress. Suzanne Ross. That was her. One for Grange Hill officianados there.), Calvin Broadus Jr. aka Snoop Dogg aka DJ Snoopadelic aka Niggarachi aka Snoop Doggy Dogg aka Snoop Lion aka Snoopzilla 1971 (Rapper. Want a clip? Tough. We have standards to keep up here in Grambler Towers.), Danii Minogue 1971 (Singer, dancer, songwriter, model, fashion designer, television presenter and actress. In fact, another right old smarty boots. What? A clip? Okeydokey.  She's beginning to wonder.) and Paul Wilson 1978 (A bit of Snow Patrol. Have another clip. Here is the band’s first biggie, Run.  Come back.  It's the name of a song.).
 
A photie from Iain MacMillan of
some street in London... something
to do with a monastery.  Or was it a
priory?  Might have been a convent...
 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Banger,

It’s a long time since I heard Kathy Kirby. She was very popular back in the 1960s. I recall her biggest hit was a song from the old Doris Day musical, Calamity Jane. I’m not sure what it was called, though. Can you remember?

Forever yours,

C. Crett-Love.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? It actually made a profit. Woo hoo! £4.62 from our £2.20 stake money. What happened? Read on...

 

Barnsley vs Luton - Prediction Home win

Result - Barnsley 3 Luton Town 2

Yay!

Brad Potts opened the scoring in the fifth minute, driving forward and firing a low 20-yard drive beyond James Shea.

Barnsley continued to apply pressure with Dimitri Cavare seeing his shot hit the side-netting after taking a deflection and George Moncur shooting straight at Shea.

Luton's James Collins thought he had equalised but an offside flag cut short his celebrations.

Cameron McGeehan increased the home side's lead, slotting the ball into the net after good work from Moncur, who laid the ball off to him.

Luton reduced the arrears in time added on at the end of the first half when Collins scored from the penalty spot after Ben Williams fouled Harry Cornick.

McGeehan went close when his header smacked against the bar before substitute Mamadou Thiam restored Barnsley's two-goal cushion, curling his shot inside Shea's left-hand post.

Collins scored his second of the afternoon after a cross from Kazenga LuaLua struck the woodwork - but Barnsley held on the claim all three points.

 

Accrington vs Bradford - Prediction Home win

Result - Accrington Stanley 3 Bradford City 1

Yay!

Billy Kee scored a penalty after 39 minutes and in-form Offrande Zanzala (A contender for cracking name of the week.) fired home a superb solo effort after 54 minutes. Eoin Doyle netted for Bradford before Sean McConville finished off the scoring for the home side.

All together now... Everybody Stanley. Keep it in the family...

 

Oxford Utd vs Plymouth - Prediction Home win

Result - Oxford United 2 Plymouth Argyle 0

Yay!

Jamie Mackie took advantage of an error from centre-half Ryan Edwards to fire home in the fourth minute.

Argyle came close to levelling when Graham Carey curled an effort wide from Rob Dickie's panicked clearance.

Just before the break, Dickie directed a diving header from Tony McMahon's free-kick straight into the goalkeeper's arms.

The quality of Marcus Browne often gave the home side an edge; the player nearly doubled the lead when shooting wide after his free-kick was charged down.

Curtis Nelson wrapped up the victory in the 74th minute with a close-range finish from Mackie's cutback.

Plymouth's miserable afternoon was complete when Yann Songo'o received a red card for a second bookable offence 10 minutes from time.

 

Carlisle vs Morecambe - Prediction Home win

Result - Carlisle United 0 Morecambe 2

Boo!

Ajay Leitch-Smith fired an early warning as his attempt to beat Carlisle goalkeeper Adam Collin at the near post fizzed into the side netting.

However he was on target in the 14th minute. His initial shot was blocked by the legs of Collin, but he was able to pounce on the loose ball to steer it home from close range.

Morecambe doubled their lead in the 26th minute with a thumping header from Vadaine Oliver in the centre of goal following a right-wing corner.

Leitch-Smith and Aaron Wildig had further efforts saved.

Barry Roche twice came to the Shrimps' aid as Carlisle began the second half with raised urgency, beating away from Jack Sowerby before saving from Ashley Nadesan's effort.

Carlisle made a triple substitution and teenage winger Liam McCarron produced a couple of pacy runs without anyone being able to get on the end of his crosses leaving the Cumbrians scoreless.

 

Exeter vs Swindon - Prediction Home win

Result - Exeter City 2 Swindon Town 0

Yay!

The hosts took the lead when a long ball forward by goalkeeper Christy Pym went straight through to Jonathan Forte and he flicked a shot beyond the stranded Luke McCormick and in via a post.

Swindon saw plenty of the ball in that first half but struggled to create much, although Marc Richards spurned a great chance to equalise when he headed wide from close range from a superb Matty Taylor cross.

With the wind in their favour, Exeter doubled their lead when Pierce Sweeney fizzed in a cross from the left and Jayden Stockley got there to head home.

Stockley had the ball in the net again when he converted another Sweeney cross with a powerful volley, but his delight was cut short when it was ruled to be offside.

 

 

Not bad Grambler. Can he/she/it give us a profit this week? Let’s have a look at this week’s predictions...

Game - Result - Odds

Livingston vs Dundee - Prediction Home win - 17/20

Morton vs Falkirk - Prediction Home win - 19/20

Ross County vs Ayr - Prediction Home win - 7/10

Arbroath vs Dumbarton - Prediction Home win - 4/6

Raith vs Stranraer - Prediction Home win - 4/6

Uh oh, all the bets are for Scottish games. You know what that means, don’t you. Expect sparse match reporting next week. Remember, according to the Beeb, Scottish football below the Championship level just doesn’t exist. Any road up, the bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£9.62

 

Not very whopping, really.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which three Yorkshire teams featured in the inaugural season of the English Premiershit. The answer was Leeds United, Sheffield United and Sheffield Wednesday, all of which are now in the Championship.

One for this week? Some names for you to consider: Mike England, Stephen Ireland, Jason Scotland and Don Welsh. All internationalists, but who is the only one of the four to play for the country indicated by his surname? Easy peasy? Hmm...

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual, I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Ms M. Dumont who is featured in this week’s birthday honours. I’m not really, it just gives me the opportunity (For opportunity, read feeble excuse.) to end this week’s edition with some Groucho Marx quotes, one or two of which may feature Margaret Dumont, although I’m not promising anything.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I sent the club a wire stating,

PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Groucho: Do you follow me?

Margaret Dumont: Yes!

Groucho: Well, you better stop following me, or I'll have you arrested.

Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world?

Margaret Dumont: Really?

Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more than she ever did.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

And finally, a quote which is as true today as it ever was...

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday, 12 October 2018

Week 11 - The Grambler watches Killing Eve


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Have you been watching the Beeb's latest psychological drama, Killing Eve?  Killing Eve? Killing our brain cells more like.  What a load of old tosh.

It didn't look too promising from the start.  Sumptuous filming aside, it appeared to be a vehicle for an American audience made by a British company.  It was obviously written by an American as some of the very American expressions used by the actors, many of whom were British, just didn't ring true from English lips.

However, I thought I would give it a fair airing. Maybe it would improve and I could forgive it such failings.
Basically, it it is about our heroine, Eve (who, incidentally, has the kind of face on her that looks like she is constantly sucking a lemon), chasing a baddy, whose name I never quite worked out, she changed persona so often, who was a crazy assassin.

The first episode gave us a body count of five, as the nutjob killer got into her stride.

After episode three, I had lost count of the number of individuals who had been bumped off.  Twentyish? This really was mental stuff.  It seemed that anyone who looked at this murdering loony the wrong way was immediately despatched.

Now, I reckon this so-called drama was based on a computer shoot ‘em up game where baddies pop up and you have to kill them before they kill you such was the speed at which people were done away with.  It became more about slaughtering than individual kills.  If there had been a 'hits' counter at the bottom of the screen it wouldn't have seemed out of place. 

It wasn't just the number of killings which proved excessive.  The detail that we were subjected to was unnecessarily graphic.  The very first killing showed us in rather too much detail our mental murderess injecting some lethal liquid into the eye of her target. Gruesome doesn't cover it.

Her tactics covered all manner of ways to kill.  Guns, knives and a four-by-four people carrier were all utilised as weapons.  So were teeth.  I swear she bit someone's throat out at one point.

Now, if this programme was only about her killing people, it would have been pretty dull fayre. To make things more interesting... for more interesting read more ludicrous... there was the added plot twist that goodies were actually baddies and nobody knew who was working for who.

It was utter bollocks from start to finish.  Who the hell okays this load of old turnips for transmission?  Probably the same person who thought Deal or No Deal was a sensible idea.

As for the ending... dearie me. That just beggars belief. If you haven't watched the whole series yet, I won't tell you how it ends; I don't want to spoil it for you. [It sounds as if whoever was involved in the programme has already done that. - Ed.]

The worrying thing is, there's going to be another series. I think I'll not bother with that, thank you very much.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 6th of October? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Lillie Langtry 1853 (Ectress who was popular with a certain royal gentleman.), Wilfred Pickles 1904 (Ectaw who liked people to have a go with him.), Art Tatum 1909 (Ivory tickler extraordinaire. Here is Yesterdays.), Cornel Wilde 1912 (Ectaw.), Yves Montand 1921 (attore e cantante/acteur et chanteur.), Lenny Bruce 1925 (Comedian, I think.), Margaret Thatcher 1925 (Who?), Nana Mouskouri 1934 (τραγουδιστής. Here is The White Rose of Athens.), Chris Farlowe 1940 (Chanter. Here is his hit.), Paul Simon 1941 (Musician. Here he is suggesting various means of escape.), John Snow 1941 (Crickety bloke.), Walter McGowan 1942 (Boxy bloke.), Robert Lamm 1944 (Another ivory tickler. A bit of Chicago.  It's Saturday.  Let's go to the park.), Edwina Currie 1946 (Politician. Got on well with John Major.), Sammy Hagar 1947 (Geetarist and chanter. Here he is when he had a spell with Van Halen.), Simon Nicol 1950 (Who, I hear you ask. Guitarist with Fairport Convention and the Albion Band but has also helped out on recording duties with... deep breath... Matthews Southern Comfort, Vashti Bunyan, Mike Heron, John Martyn, John Kirkpatrick and Ashley Hutchings, Steve Ashley, Hokey Pokey, Richard and Linda Thompson (both together and separately), Shirley Collins, Cat Stevens, Al Stewart, Royston Wood & Heather Wood, Dave Swarbrick, Julie Covington, Art Garfunkel, Beverley Craven, Sylvia Nicol, Murray Head, Beth Nielson Chapman, Sandy Denny, Phil Pickett, Alan Simon, Judy Dible, Old Uncle Tom Cobbley and all, Old Uncle Tom Cobbley and all. Howzabout a toon?  Fancy some breakfast? In Mayfair?), Marie Osmond 1959 (Chanter. Here’s her hit.), John Regis 1966 (Runny bloke.), Paul Potts 1970 (Singer and part time dictator. Here he is sending some clowns in.), Sacha Baron Cohen 1971 (Comedian.), Wes Brown 1979 (Footy bloke.), Ashanti 1980 (Chanter. Here is her biggest UK hit... Only U.), David Haye 1980 (Boxy bloke.), Scott Parker 1980 (Footy bloke.), Ian Thorpe 1982 (Swimmy bloke.) and Gabriel Agbonlahor 1986 (Footy bloke.)

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Dangly,

I take great exception to you telling us that Ashanti’s Only U was her biggest UK hit. As a solo artist, perhaps it was, but she had a number one when she was featured on a tune by Ja Rule. I believe R. Kelly was also featured, but I can’t remember the title of the song. Perhaps you can help.

Yours with knobs on,

Juan de Phull.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? Hmm. Some money back, but only £1.56, so a loss of 64 pees. Not so good. What happened? Read on...

 

 

Birmingham vs Rotherham - Prediction Home win

Result - Birmingham City 3 Rotherham United 1

Yay!

Lukas Jutkiewicz scored a hat-trick as Birmingham City proved too much for Rotherham.

The Blues striker scored twice from close range in the space of three first-half minutes to give the hosts a deserved 2-0 half-time lead.

He drilled the ball through a crowd of players to complete his first senior career treble after the break.

Jon Taylor's near-post finish gave the Millers a late consolation goal.

 

Middlesbrough vs Nottm. Forest - Prediction Home win

Result - Middlesbrough 0 Nottingham Forest 2

Boo!

Both sides had chances in an open first-half but it was the visitors who made the breakthrough after the interval when Joe Lolley took a pass from a driving Daryl Murphy and smashed a shot into the top corner.

Lolley had a further chance to add to the lead but was denied by Boro (and former Motherwell) keeper Darren Randolph, while cracking name of the week award winner Britt Assombalonga was kept out at the other end by Costel Pantilimon's save.

Lewis Grabban made sure of the points when he turned in Lolley's cross at the near-post and not even the late dismissal of Jack Robinson, for a second yellow card for simulation, could stop Forest claiming the points.

 

Sheffield Utd. vs Hull - Prediction Home win

Result - Sheffield United 1 Hull City 0

Yay!

David McGoldrick scored his fifth goal of the season from the penalty spot after defender Jack O'Connell was pulled down in the area midway through the second half.

Chances were limited in a cagey match at Bramall Lane, but the visitors twice went close after the break with Nouha Dicko and Markus Henriksen forcing good saves from Dean Henderson.

But the Blades saw the game out to seal the victory.

 

Swansea vs Ipswich - Prediction Home win

Result - Swansea City 2 Ipswich Town 3

Boo!

Swansea had made the perfect start when Connor Roberts' cross was deflected in on eight minutes by Janoi Donacien.

Ipswich scored twice in four first-half minutes with Gwion Edwards levelling before Mike van der Hoorn's own goal.

Bersant Celina looked to have rescued a point for Swansea after a superb team move, only for Trevoh Chalobah to head home.

 

West Brom vs Reading - Prediction Home win

Result - West Bromwich Albion 4 Reading 1

Yay!

West Bromwich Albion came from behind to eventually ease to victory against Reading.

The Royals took an early lead through Leandro Bacuna's clinical finish from a corner, before the hosts' Harvey Barnes struck the post.

But the Baggies took full control in the second half, as striker Dwight Gayle produced two well-guided finishes in quick succession to turn the game on its head.

Barnes' fine long-range effort made it 3-1 before defender Kyle Bartley netted Albion's fourth from a corner.

 

Oh dear. Come on Grambler, pull your socks/tights/megabytes up and give us some winners. Please. Pretty please.

What has he/she/it come up with this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Barnsley vs Luton - Prediction Home win - Evens

Accrington vs Bradford - Prediction Home win - 17/20

Oxford Utd vs Plymouth - Prediction Home win - Evens

Carlisle vs Crawley - Prediction Home win - 13/20

Exeter vs Swindon - Prediction Home win - Evens

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£12.54

 

A bit more whopping than usual. Will it win? Will it fu... Doubt it.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you who is the only player to have scored in a Champions League final, FA Cup final, UEFA Cup final and League Cup final. It was, of course, Rangers’ current manager Steven Gerrard. Incidentally, Liverpool (his only club) won on each of those occasions.

One for this week? In the inaugural season of the English Premiershit, which three Yorkshire teams featured? Hmm... One to try down t’pub.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual, I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. B. Anksy for this week’s finishing item. Why Banksy, I hear you ask. Well, this week a Banksy original (the one of the little girl holding a heart-shaped red balloon) was sold at auction. As the hammer went down at something like £1 million, the picture spontaneously ‘shredded’. It all smacks of being a typical Banksy stunt, so the jury is out as to whether it was all a big setup.

As any of you out in gramblerland know, Banksy is my favourite artist; I find his work both clever and funny. I also like the way he takes any opportunity to have a go at the normal pomposity of ‘artists’... Yes it’s very clever, but it’s only a fn painting.

So, let’s finish with another of his ‘works’, a short film which initially appears to support rebel terror groups, but please watch it through to the end...

 
Banksy strikes again
(Thanks to b3ta.com)
 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 6 October 2018

Week 10 - The Grambler on the too mobile mobile phone


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

A news item through the week concerned a lorry driver who was jailed for dangerous driving; he had crashed his lorry into stationary cars while being otherwise occupied on his mobile phone. The cab of the lorry is videoed throughout the time it is being driven and footage shows that he was reading his dash-mounted smart phone when the accident occurred. He was jailed because he caused the death of a lady in the stationary car. Fair enough, he was not driving in a safe manner and his stupidity killed someone.

Was he just unfortunate? If nobody had died in the smash, he would probably have escaped a stay in prison. Indeed, had the accident not happened at all, the matter would not even have been noticed.

How many other drivers are guilty of diverting their attention while driving? I would suggest that, if we are discussing those drivers of cars fitted with a touchscreen display panel, the answer is all of them.

I have mentioned such distracting matters before, so I apologise for repeating myself. However, I would point the finger not at drivers, but at car manufacturers. It is they who are at fault for putting such equipment into cars in the first place. In my view, anything that distracts a driver from paying attention to the actual control of a vehicle, should be banned.

Though I enjoy driving, I cannot understand how car manufacturers, in this age of ‘health and safety’ where everybody’s security is considered in all matters, get away with producing increasingly dangerous machinery. However do you mean, I hear you ask.

What is the maximum speed limit where you live? It is probably somewhere in the region of 70 miles per hour (or about 110 kilometres per hour in foreign money) which is the highest speed allowable here in the Yuk.

So, pray tell me, why are car makers allowed to produce cars that are capable of three times that speed and more? There is a car called the Hennessey Venom F5 which can reach 300 miles per hour. This is a car which can be driven on the road, not just the race track. That is just crazy. There is no road in existence which can be driven at that sort of speed. Not even a racetrack, I would wager. That car can reach 62 miles per hour (100 kph in foreign) in 2.7 seconds. Utterly mental. Surely, nobody can safely control a vehicle that can travel at such staggering speeds.

That isn’t even the fastest accelerating car; it only comes sixth in a poll conducted by Autocar. At number one, pop pickers, are three cars whose 0 to 62 times are identical. The cars in question, the Ultima Evolution Coupe, Dodge Challenger SRT Demon and snappily titled Tesla Model S P100D , are capable of reaching that speed in 2.3 seconds. I wouldn’t trust my driving capabilities, or my neck muscles, to be able to cope with being propelled like a rocket in this way.

[And your point is, caller? - Ed.] My point is, that these cars are dangerous projectiles. Say, a multi-millionaire, who has just passed his driving test, wanted to buy one of these insanely fast vehicles; he could do just that, even though he or she (no, probably he) has never driven on a motorway or at any speed approaching the national speed limit. He is perfectly at liberty to take this wheeled missile onto a fast stretch of road to (illegally) test its outrageous performance, and thus show up his own, very limited, driving skills. I suspect a funeral, or several, might be the outcome.

I have already alluded to the fact that roads are just not designed to have cars driven on them at such speeds. I also don’t believe humans can react quickly enough to drive at anything approaching such ludicrous speeds. So why do manufacturers produce such vehicles? More to the point, why are they allowed to manufacture a product which is designed to be both dangerous and illegal.

I foresee the day coming when manufacturers are forced to cease manufacturing such dangerously fast machines and those that own them will, hopefully, become treated like lepers the way that smokers currently are. And if that means a certain Mr Klaxon has to stop banging on about how it is his god-given right to drive like a fn loony... the sooner the better.

I have no problem with cars going fast, as long as they are on a racetrack and not a public road... where I might be pootling along at ‘only’ 70 mph.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 6th of October? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Jenny Lind 1820 (Rerr chanter. Known as the Swedish Nightingale. [What, she was a nurse in the Crimean War? - Ed.]), Charles-Édouard Jeanneret aka Le Corbusier 1887 (Architect who drank heavily... Corbusier... cor, boozier. Geddit? No? Please yourselves.), Roland Garros 1888 (Aviateur. The main tennis stadium in Paris is named after him although he had no connection with the sport. It would be like calling Wimbledon the Amy Johnson Stadium.), Helen Wills 1905 (She, however, did play tennis.), Carole Lombard 1908 (Ectress. Married to Clark Gable she was.), Barbara Castle 1910 (Firebrand politician.), Thor Heyerdahl 1914 (Explorer who became famous for crossing the Pacific Ocean on a raffia mat, or something.), Joan Littlewood 1914 (Theatre director. Known as ‘the mother of modern theatre’.), Tommy Lawton 1919 (Footy bloke.), Richie Benaud 1930 (Crickety bloke.), Eileen Derbyshire 1930 (Actress. Emily Bishop in Corrie.), Belvyd Bragg 1939 (TV presenter with sinus trouble.), Britt Ekland 1942 (Skådespelerska.), Carlos Pace 1944 (Pilotto di corrida.), Tony Greig 1946 (Sarth Ifrican creekutty blike hoo plied for Eengland.), Millie Small 1946 (Singer. Had Britain’s first reggae hit in 1963 with This.), Jorry Oddams 1948 (Irish politician. Catchphrase: We know where you live.), Penny Junor 1949 (TV presenter and journalist.), Thomas McClary 1949 (A Commodore. Here’s the song that has perhaps his most famous geetar break.  That looks quite easy.), Gavin Sutherland 1951 (Musician who, with his brother and Quiver, had a hit with This. Gav’s the dude with the cap.), Bruce Grobbelaar 1957 (Acrobatic footy bloke with wobbly legs.), Niall Quinn 1966 (Footy bloke.), Byron Black 1969 (Tennisy bloke.), Alan Stubbs 1971 (Footy bloke.), Mark Schwarzer 1972 (Footy bloke.) and Ioan Gruffudd 1973 (Actor, isn’t it.).

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Wrangler,

I was so pleased that you included Arms of Mary in this week’s edition. I was a great fan of Sutherland Brothers and Quiver back in the day. Sadly, they never managed to repeat the huge success of that single which reached number five in the UK chart. Their next single to chart topped out at the lowly position of 35. I wonder if you recall the name of it.

Yours inquisitively,

C. Krets.

P.S. I am a great fan of your jeans.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? It wiped its nose, I think the expression is... Or was it arse? Any road up, we got back our stake money exactly. £2.20 from a £2.20 bet. Not sure if that is worth a yay or not. What happened? Read on...

 

 

Bolton vs Derby - Prediction Away win

Result - Bolton Wanderers 1 Derby County 0

Boo!

Bolton’s Craig 'Peter' Noone beat goalkeeper Scott 'Kit' Carson with an early header across goal.

Derby went on to control much of the possession but had to wait until the 88th minute to get a shot on goal.

Goalkeeper Remi Matthews ensured Bolton earned the win, denying Mason Mount from close range.

 

Fleetwood vs Barnsley - Prediction Away win

Result - Fleetwood 1 Barnsley 3

Yay!

Harrison 'Christopher' Biggins got the home side off to a great start when he popped up with a poacher's finish, stroking home James Husband's cross from the left after good hold-up play by Ched Evans on the wing in the 19th minute.

But Barnsley fought back, exploiting some poor Fleetwood defending. Firstly Ash Eastham was out-muscled by Jacob Brown in the 32nd minute as he pounced on an Alex Mowatt chip.

Kieffer Moore completed the turnaround three minutes before the break as the forward out-foxed Town sub Cian Bolger and drilled the ball into the bottom corner.

Fleetwood pressed for a leveller in the second half but Barnsley held firm with right-back Lewie Coyle going closest for Town at the death as his first time effort was kept out.

But it was Barnsley who were to get that late goal, Mamadou Thiam catching Town on the counter and curling the ball past Alex Cairns in injury time.

 

Plymouth vs Doncaster - Prediction Away win

Result - Plymouth Argyle 2 Doncaster Rovers 3

Yay!

John 'Mary' Marquis fired Doncaster ahead after 18 minutes, cutting in from the left to unleash an unstoppable angled drive into the far corner past Argyle's keeper Macey.

Ruben Lameiras equalised with a superb dipping shot from the edge of the box after 40 minutes, but Matty Blair coolly side-footed Doncaster back in front in the 57th minute from Mallik Wilks' right-wing cross.

Marquis pinged a rising 20-yard drive off a post after 35 minutes and also sent a volley on the spin over the bar early in the second half.

Marquis capped a man-of-the-match performance with a 90th-minute solo goal, rounding goalkeeper Matt Macey before scoring from an acute angle.

And after Marquis had made it 3-1, Argyle playmaker Graham 'Archbishop' Carey still had time to score with a thumping strike in stoppage time, beating Rovers keeper Marko Marosi at his near post.

 

Cheltenham vs Lincoln - Prediction Away win

Result - Cheltenham Town 0 Lincoln City 2

Yay!

Lincoln's John Akinde missed a glorious chance to open the scoring in the 18th minute.

Bruno Andrade did well on the left and sent a low ball to the far post, where the big striker was all alone, but he miskicked wide and neither goalkeeper was tested during an uneventful opening period.

Lincoln started the second half strongly, with Scott Flinders forced to push away a shot from Michael Bostwick.

An effort from Shay McCartan then hit team mate Akinde in the six-yard box when it appeared to be on its way in.

But the deadlock was broken when a ball in from Harry Toffolo on the left was smashed into his own net by Cheltenham full-back Craig Alcock, under pressure from McCartan.

And McCartan followed up to make it 2-0 after Flinders could only parry Andrade's effort.

 

Macclesfield vs Forest Green - Prediction Away win

Result - Macclesfield Town 1 Forest Green Rovers 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Macclesfield more than matched the visitors in a goalless first half.

Rovers goalkeeper Robert Sanchez remained largely untroubled, however, saving a Tyrone Marsh shot and seeing efforts from Koby Arthur and Nathan Blissett sail wide.

Meanwhile, Silkmen goalkeeper Kieran O'Hara only had to watch wayward shots by Reece Brown and Joseph Mills find the crowd.

But all of the hosts' good work was undone less than two minutes into the second half, when substitute Dayle 'Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble' Grubb scored with his first touch, beating O'Hara with a well-struck free kick.

Macclesfield hit back to level soon after, Danny Whitaker splitting the defence and Scott Wilson latching onto his pass before slotting home.

Both sides pushed for a late winner but a point each was just reward for their efforts.

 

Can The Grambler actually make a profit for us this week? [Doubt that very much. - Ed.] Here are this week’s randomly predicted predictions which were predicted randomly in a random way. All matches kick off at 3pm on Saturday the 6th of October...

Game - Result - Odds

Birmingham vs Rotherham - Prediction Home win - 7/10

Middlesbrough vs Nottm. Forest - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Sheffield Utd. vs Hull - Prediction Home win - 3/5

Swansea vs Ipswich - Prediction Home win - 5/6

West Brom vs Reading - Prediction Home win - 8/15

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£8.46

 

That is sh... not very whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you who was in charge of the Scottish national team when they reached the World Cup Finals in 1998, the last time the team qualified. The answer was of course, Craig ‘Granpa’ Broon. Though his injury affected playing career was nothing to write home about (he was forced to retire from the game in his mid-twenties), he seemed to do reasonably well as a manager.

His first taste of coaching was as assistant manager at Motherwell (Yay!). He took on his first manager’s job at Clyde in 1977, winning promotion to the top division after just one season. He stayed with the Bully Wee for ten years in a part-time capacity (He was a primary school headmaster as well).

He returned to a full-time football position when he was appointed the coach for the Scotland under 21 squad in 1986 and became manager of the senior team in 1993.

After resigning in 2001 (having failed in qualifying for Euro 2000 and the 2002 World Cup) he joined Preston North End as manager in 2002.

He left that post in 2004 and worked for Derby County briefly in a consultancy role.

He returned to management in 2009 when he returned to Motherwell (Yay!). He lasted barely a year when he was headhunted by Aberdeen and moved there... aged 70.

Not many people start a new job at that age.

Okay. Too easy. Hopefully, this week’s will test you a little bit more. Who is the only player to have scored in a Champions League final, FA Cup final, UEFA Cup final and League Cup final? No... It isn’t Roy of the Rovers. Try again.
 
 

.....oooOooo.....
 

As usual, I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. Eb. Bragg who is involved in this week’s finishing link. Melvyn Bragg (There, I’ve stopped mocking his sinus trouble.) presented an arts programme called the South Bank Show for over thirty years and rarely did he show any sign of having a humorous side. However, in 1989, he was the ‘presenter’ of a spoof documentary about a fictitious ectaw (dear leddie) called Norbert Smith. The actor was played by an up and coming young comedian called Harry Enfield. I thought it would be nice to finish with that ‘mockumentary’ (Yeuch! I hate that word.), but unfortunately, the complete programme is not available on Ya tyoob. So, I will provide a link to the opening few minutes which should give you a flavour of (still) Harry Enfield’s greatest moments, in my opinion. Ladeez and genullum, please enjoy Norbert Smith: A Life... Well, some of it anyway.
 
 

 
Sir Norbert Smith
Ectaw extraordinaire


 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.