Saturday 30 May 2015

Week 43 - The Grambler on clickbait


Stewart was an amazing person -  A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle.  He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good.  We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer.  If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

 

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent.  It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

 

He began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery.  He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter.  His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige.  Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…

 

I know I have had a moan about social media before, but some of the things on there just make me shake my head in despair.  Here is the message somebody recently put on Farcebook…

‘Did I leave my glasses in your house?’  Actually, it read more like ‘Did i leef my glass’s in yr house?’; few people take an interest in spelling or grammar when using Farcebook.  Why does somebody put what should be a private message on such a public notice board?  Do people not realise that it is possible to send messages directly/only to the person they are meant to go to?  Or, better still, why not telephone them and ask?  The even sadder thing is that somebody ticked the ‘like’ box.  What?  Somebody likes the fact that someone can’t find their glasses?  Jeez! 

If you go to http://www.thegrambler.com/2014/06/week-43-hi-ho-silver-grambler.html you can read my thoughts on social media.  I noted there that people often put too much information into Farcebook messages that can be read by anyone.  You get ‘conversations’ on there that contain a little too much information…

‘That’s us at the airport for our 14 day holiday of a lifetime.’

‘Lucky you.  Bring us back a stick of rock. Lol’

‘Ha ha.  Mind and feed the goldfish while we’re away.’

‘OK.  What was your house number again?’

’42 Acacia Avenue.  The one with the red door.  I’ve left the key under the flower tub at the door.’

‘Thanks.  What’s the code for the burgler alarm?’

‘Don’t worry it’s only a dummy box. Lol’

Aye we’ll see if you’re still lolling when you get back to an empty house in a fortnight’s time.  Empty, that is, apart from a bowl with a goldfish.  Who would want to nick that?

Okay, so nobody is daft enough to put all that information onto Farcebook, but the first bit telling the world and his pet dog about going off on holiday is often done.  Are you mad?

Something else on Farcebook is annoying me.  Clickbait.  Sorry pardon excuse me?  Clickbait.  A word to describe a message which basically invites you to click on a link to find out what happens next…

‘This little rabbit looks so cute until it meets next door’s cat… You won’t believe what happens next.’

‘This woman lost weight by eating her favourite food… Find out how.’

‘Click here for the ten funniest pictures of Boris Johnson…’

…that sort of thing.

I have to admit that I have on occasion been drawn in (especially that last one) only to emit a Homer-like ‘D’oh!’ when I realise I have been duped.  You see, these are clickbait.  You click in the hope that you will see something surprising or amusing, however the only surprising part is that, although you get directed to some page with a picture of Boris Johnson looking a bit of a pillock, there are also several advertisements. When you click ‘next’, hoping to see the next picture of Boris looking ridiculous, you get logged on to another page totally unrelated to the first which links you to an advert for anything ranging from pet insurance to holidays.  You have been hooked… will you click on one of these ads?  No…must… resist.  Yes?  Ah ha!  Time to be reel you in.  Job done.

Where is the next picture of Boris looking tw*ttier than usual?  Nowhere to be seen.  Sucker, is an appropriate word to use on this occasion.

Never mind, here’s a picture of Boris looking suitably tw*tty.

 


 

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

Are there any birthdays to celebrate this week?  Of course there are.  Which famous folk  were born on the 30th of May?  Mel Blanc 1908 (Thufferin Thuccotash), Benny Goodman 1909 (King of the swingers), Hugh Griffith 1912 (Welsh ectaw dear boyo), Clint Walker 1927 (aka Shy Ann), Michael J Pollard 1939 (‘Wooden’ ectaw.  Geddit?), Norman Eshley 1945 (Ectaw dear laddie who used to be on telly constantly.), Bob Willis 1949 (Crickety bloke with red socks), Colm Meaney 1953 (Ectaw dear laddie), Topper Headon 1955 (drummy bloke), Stephen ‘Tintin’ Duffy 1960 (Man who left Duran Duran before they became famous.  Tw*t), Harry Enfield 1961 (I am smoking a fag!), Leigh Francis 1973 (If I don’t see you through t’week I’ll see you through t’keyhole) and Saint Stephen Gerrard 1980 (Scouse footie bloke).

Not really anyone in there to give us a song to gramblerise.  However, Michael Peter Hayes died on 30th of May 2003.  Who?  He was more famous under his pseudonym, Mickey Most.  Who?  Mickey Most… You know him.  You do.  Famous record producer.  No?  Never heard of him?  He produced records by… deep breath… The Animals, Arrows, Herman’s Hermits, Donovan, Suzi Quatro and Jeff Beck.  He also formed RAK Records, the label which gave us Mud, Kenny, Hot Chocolate, Racey and Kim Wilde.  So, Mr Most/Hayes is responsible for a huge chunk of ‘classic’ sixties and seventies’ pop.  Mmm.  Thanks for that.

I am sure there are some songs from that little lot that we could gramblerise.  How about this from Donovan…


First there is a grambler, then there is no grambler, then there is.
First there is a grambler, then there is no grambler, then there is.
First there is a grambler, then there is no grambler, then there is.
First there is a grambler, then there is no grambler, then there is.
First there is a grambler


Wise words there, mate.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

Time to move onto grambling matters, I think.  How did our bets fare last week?  We won… and lost.  £1.55 return from a £2.20 stake.  Oh well.  What happened?  Read on…

Arsenal vs West Brom – Prediction Home win

Result – Arsenal 4 West Brom 1

Yay!

Theo Walcott, making his first club start for more than two months, fired an early shot into the top corner, before poking in a second from close range.

Jack Wilshere thumped in a third from 20 yards, and Walcott tapped in a fourth before half-time.

Gareth McAuley headed a second-half goal for Albion.

 

Aston Villa vs Burnley – Prediction Home win

Result – Aston Villa 0 Burnley 1

Boo!

An early goal from Danny Ings was enough to give relegated Burnley victory over Aston Villa on the final day of the Premier League season.

The striker, set to leave Turf Moor this summer, nodded in Ashley Barnes' header across goal after six minutes.

Burnley goalkeeper Tom Heaton preserved his side's lead with several fine saves, notably to deny Ashley Westwood and Charles N'Zogbia.

 

Hull vs Manchester Utd – Prediction Away win

Result – Hull 0 Manchester Utd 0

Ooh! ‘It the bar!

Hull created chances, forcing Manchester United goalkeeper Victor Valdes to make excellent saves to deny Ahmed Elmohamady and Nikica Jelavic.

David Meyler wasted the hosts' clearest chance but they could not find a way through, even after Marouane Fellaini was sent off for a crude challenge on Paul McShane 13 minutes from time.

 

Leicester vs QPR – Prediction Home win

Result – Leicester 5 QPR 1

Yay!

Jamie Vardy grabbed his fifth goal of the season as the Foxes - bottom at the start of April - made it seven wins in nine games.

Marc Albrighton doubled the Foxes tally, before Leonardo Ulloa, Esteban Cambiasso and Andrej Kramaric added further goals after the break.

QPR's Charlie Austin headed in a consolation goal in the 87th minute.

 

Newcastle vs West Ham – Prediction Home win

Result – Newcastle 2 West Ham 0

Yay!

Newcastle almost got the perfect start inside two minutes when Emmanuel Riviere made space inside the area but flashed an effort across goal.

Riviere was also just off target with an acrobatic bicycle kick before West Ham settled down and started to play on the nerves of everyone inside the famous old stadium.

Tim Krul needed to be alert to block low down from Stewart Downing as the Hammers demonstrated that they were not on Tyneside simply to usher Newcastle to safety.

Newcastle picked up the pace once more at the start of the second half and after Riviere had missed another good chance, failing to connect with Daryl Janmaat's cross from six yards out, the breakthrough the whole of Tyneside craved arrived after 54 minutes.

Gutierrez provided an inviting cross to the far post where Sissoko rose highest to head low past keeper Adrian to spark an outpouring of joy and noise that could have been heard on the nearby Tyne Bridge.

After Vernon Anita wasted a perfect opportunity to at least afford the Newcastle fans some relaxation, Gutierrez stepped in to add the second.

 

Well that’s it for footie grambling for a few weeks.  Yep.  The season is at an end.  Well, almost.  There is still a match on Sunday to decide if Motherwell (Yay!) stays in the SPL or Rangers (Boo!*) get promotion into the division.

Any road up, for this week and a few more, we will be having a wee gramble on the gee gees.  So what has The Grambler randomly selected for us?


Meeting – Time – Horse – Odds

Chester – 1.50 – Beaverbrook – 4/6

Newmarket – 2.45 – Peacock – Evens

Haydock – 3.45 – Limato – Evens ?

Chepstow – 5.45 – Sahreej – 4/5

Stratford – 6.55 – Ennistown – 11/10


So, the bets are placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if The Grambler has got those predictions spot on, the Bobby Moore Fund will benefit by…

Don’t know

What?  Don’t know?  Let me explain.  Do you see that question mark alongside the odds for Limato?  The reason I can’t give a total, is that those odds altered as I placed the bet and came up as ‘starting price’.  Thus, a total value for the odds wasn’t quoted.  Let’s just say that the Bobby Moore Fund will benefit by some money.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

Okay everybody… It’s teaser time.  Yay!  Last week I asked you which Scottish club was the most successful (after Rangers and Celtic, that is).  The answer is Aberdeen who have amassed 19 trophies, including the European Cup, of course.

What about a teaser for this week?  Which club was the first to be relegated from the English top division?  There.  Simple question.  Try it out down the pub.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

Once again, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer.  If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration.  Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign .

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril?  And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Mr D. Onovan who, if you recall, provided this week’s gramblerised toon, but here is a little ditty that was… erm … a little different to his usual offerings.  I do hope you enjoy The Intergalactic Laxative .

 

Happy grambling.

*I don't mean that as an affront to Rangers.  The word 'boo' would have been applied to any team spoiling Motherwell's chances of staying in the SPL.

 

Friday 22 May 2015

Week 42 - The Grambler on anniversaries



Stewart was an amazing person -  A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle.  He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good.  We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer.  If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .


 


If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent.  It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997


 


He began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery.  He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter.  His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige.  Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…


 


Do you remember, back at the beginning of the current football season, I made a prediction?  I stated with some confidence that Rangers would end the season by gaining promotion to the Scottish Premiership.  Okay, I didn’t expect Hearts to win the Championship so convincingly.  I thought it would have been a closely fought campaign [Hang on, is this football or warfare we are discussing? – Ed.] with Rangers running out as champions and Hearts or Hibs fighting it out for second spot.  Well, as I write this, Rangers have a two goal advantage over the Hibees in the playoffs for a chance to play the second bottom team in the Premiership for a place in that league and, if they manage to restrict Hibs to a goal advantage in the second leg, Rangers will play… Motherwell.  The team I support, whose performances this year have ranged from wonderful to mediocre.  Unfortunately, there has been more mediocrity than wonder, hence finishing the season in second bottom spot.  Oh dear.


Little did I know, when I made that prediction, that promotion to the top league would be at the expense of my own team.  For once, I am hoping that my prediction is wrong.


…..oooOooo…..


 


The Beeb Beeb Ceeb has been awash with programmes celebrating the 70th anniversary of VE Day (That’s Victory in Europe, in case you were wondering).  Sadly, old Vera Lynn, who must be about 130 years old, hasn’t been wheeled out to sing in her own inimitable fashion, ‘Her we’ll her meet hagain, her don’t know her where, her don’t know her when…’ but I’m sure we’ll hear it played some sunny day.  No, instead of Dame Vera, we got saddled with Chas and Dave.  Ye gods and little fishes!


2015 is an anniversary year for many things, some of which will also be celebrated in some way.  Two hundred years since Waterloo [I didn’t think Abba had been going that long. – Ed.].


Elvis Presley was born 80 years ago. 


Charlie celebrates being married to Camilla Parker Knoll for 10 years.  That’s the ‘tin’ anniversary so any gift from a tin of beans to a tin of Quality Street would be appropriate.   


The first mobile phone call was made 30 years ago.  By Ernie Wise, of all people.


The Sinclair C5 car was introduced in 1985.  It could arguably be called the original hybrid vehicle as its power could be achieved from two sources – electric (battery) and human (pedals).


Winston Churchill died 50 years ago.


Nelson Mandela was released 25 years ago.


Eastenders was first transmitted 30 years ago, you slag!


One of Scotland’s most iconic structures – the Forth Bridge - was built 125 years ago.


It is 100 years since the foundation of the Women’s Institute… jam making would never be the same again.


It is 800 years since the signing of Magna Carta [Who’s she? – Ed.]


One anniversary that will not be celebrated or even noted is the heated windscreen.  Sorry pardon excuse me?  Yes 30 years ago this year the Frod Motor Company introduced a heated windscreen on its Scorpio model.  It was a wonderful piece of kit and provided the driver with a clear windscreen in all weathers.  An absolutely brilliant safety feature which would surely prevent many accidents.  Why?  Because, in the winter, when ice forms on the inside of a windscreen, it is very difficult to clear the screen adequately.  How many of you drivers out there ensure that your screen is absolutely free of ice or condensation before setting off?  Very few, I reckon.  Most drivers, on icy mornings, make a ‘window’ on the windscreen of about 6 inches in diameter, thinking that it is sufficient to allow them to adequately see the road and other road users.  Barmy pillocks! 


Surely, the other motor manufacturers would rush to use this wonderful safety feature and make winter driving easier and safer for everyone.  Thirty years on, we are still waiting for the rest of the motor industry to adopt it.  Why?  Because Frod chose to patent it and since it is not a legal requirement to have such a device fitted unlike seatbelts and airbags, motor manufacturers do not want to pay royalties to Frod for using their product.


How many accidents could have been avoided over the years?  How many fatalities could be attributed to a driver having restricted vision?   It is appalling to think that the bean counters in these motor manufacturing companies have refused to pay for, what ought to be, a standard feature.  Not an option.  Standard.


It is also appalling that Frod have priced the licence for using the device seemingly so high that other manufacturers are unwilling to pay for it.  Frod may argue that the development costs have to be recouped.  Okay.  Currently world car sales annually are running at something like 77 million.  You read that correctly, 77 million.  And that is just cars; lorries and buses are not included.  Frod themselves produce in the region of 4 million cars, so 73 million are produced by other manufacturers.  What point am I making?  This.  If Frod charged just $10 per licence, per windscreen, a figure that surely no company would baulk at, the company would be $730 million to the good.  $730 million?  From only $10 per car.  How much does development cost?  Less than that, surely.  Don’t call me Shirley.  What the hell have Frod been asking that makes other manufacturers say, ‘Safety that would save lives?  Too expensive.  No thanks’?


It should also be pointed out that Frod could have been raking in this money for the past 30 years; probably enough money to prevent its near-bankruptcy back in 2009.  Perhaps I have missed some point here, but somebody, somewhere, has been very short-sighted.  Probably due to being unable to see through an iced up windscreen.


…..oooOooo…..


Any birthdays of note this week?  Of course there are… William Hunter 1718 (Famous resident of my home town), Otto Lilienthal 1848 (Away with the cuckoos), Douglas Fairbanks 1883 (Half of the world’s first celebrity couple), Arthur Arshawsky 1910 (Who?  Oh, Artie Shaw.), Marius Goring 1912 (Conductor 71 [Very cryptic these days. – Ed.]), Denis Compton 1918 (Brylcreem boy), Humphrey Lyttleton 1921 (Not an orthinologist, more a word botcher), Desmond Carrington 1926 (Radio 2 stalwart), Nigel Davenport 1928 (Ectaw, dear leddie), Rosemary C. Looney 1928 (Sorry, that should read Clooney), Joan Collins 1933 (The face of Polyfilla), Robert Moog 1934 (Inventor of Prog Rock), Johnnie Ball 1938 (Misuse of a prophylactic), John Newcombe 1943 (Tennisy bloke) and Marvin Hagler 1952 (Boxy bloke).


Hmm…Not many in there to give us a toon to gramblerise.  However, 23rd of May is the 46th anniversary of the release of Tommy [Didn’t know he’d been inside. – Ed.].  Yes, in 1969 The Who released the album Tommy – a ‘rock opera’.  Pretentious or what?  Yes, it did tell a story as an opera would, but calling it a rock opera was a bit arty farty, wasn’t it?  It is often cited as the record that started the trend for ‘concept’ albums; very popular with prog rock bands in the seventies.  Ray Davies would disagree, having released The Kinks album The Village Green Preservation Society in November 1968.  The difference between that album and Tommy was that Ray Davies had produced a quintessentially [Now who’s being pretentious? – Ed.] English selection of tunes that were seen as being a bit ‘quirky’, whereas Pete Townsend’s Tommy was chock full of memorable, rocky songs.  I think we should honour Mr Townsend’s genius with a gramblerised toon…


Grambler, can you hear me?
Can you feel me near you?
Grambler, can you see me?
Can I help to cheer you?
Ooh, Grambler, Grambler, Grambler, Grambler


                  


…..oooOooo…..


 


Let’s move onto grambling matters, shall we?  How did we get on last week?  We won, but lost.  Sorry pardon excuse me?  67 pees back from a £2.20 stake.  Hardly a success.  What happened?  Read on…


Burnley vs Stoke – Prediction Home win


Result – Burnley 0 Stoke 0


Ooh! ‘It the bar!


Burnley dominated the opening exchanges but their struggles in front of goal continued, with Danny Ings denied on three occasions by Jack Butland as they failed to score.
Stoke could have gone in ahead at the break with chances for Jonathan Walters and Mame Biram Diouf, with the latter also failing to convert another opportunity after 55 minutes. Stoke manager Mark Hughes' attempts to win the match saw Peter Crouch and Peter Odemwingie brought on from the bench, but they were unable to find a way to all three points.


QPR vs Newcastle – Prediction Away win


Result – QPR 2 Newcastle 1


Boo!


The visitors took the lead when striker Emmanuel Riviere dinked in after collecting keeper Tim Krul's long punt.


QPR's Matt Phillips nodded in the equaliser from Charlie Austin's cross before Leroy Fer smashed in a superb winner from 25 yards.


 


Tottenham vs Hull – Prediction Home win


Result – Tottenham 2 Hull 0


Yay!


Goals from Nacer Chadli, latching on to Erik Lamela's through ball, and a Danny Rose effort from Ryan Mason's superb pass were enough for Spurs.


Abel Hernandez and Dame N'Doye failed to finish a goal-mouth scramble that might have given the Tigers hope.




Chadli and Lamela recreate Hope and Crosby’s famous pat-a-cake routine from their ‘Road’ movies


 


Inverness vs Dundee Utd – Prediction Home win


Result – Inverness 3 Dundee Utd 0


Yay!


Aaron Dorans should have broken the deadlock for Inverness when John Souttar made a hash of a clearance.


Nadir Ciftci forced a fine save from Inverness goalkeeper Ryan Esson, but the home side took the lead through Josh Meekings' header.


Ciftci volleyed over, but Nick ‘Don’t have nightmares’ Ross smashed in a second for the hosts before Gary Warren made it three.


 


Partick Thistle vs Kilmarnock – Prediction Home win


Result – Partick Thistle 1 Kilmarnock 4


Boo!


I knew it.  What did I say last week?  I called The Grambler brave/foolhardy for predicting Killie would get beaten.  Well, I don’t want to say I told you so.  Really, I don’t want to say it, so I’m not going to.


Tope Obadeyi scored either side of half-time, the brace coming after Jamie Hamill had opened the scoring with a penalty rebound.


Conrad Balatoni headed home a consolation for the Jags before Josh Magennis made the points safe.


Right, that was last week; what have we got this week?  Well, there are only three games taking place this Saturday at 3pm so, unless you want to have a gee gee bet, the rules will have to alter a wee bit.  There are ten games taking place on Sunday the 24th of May at the same time (3pm) so I suggest we go with them.  All those in favour?  Anyone against?  Motion carried.  So which five has The Grambler randomly selected?


Game – Result – Odds


Arsenal vs West Brom – Prediction Home win – 2/5


Aston Villa vs Burnley – Prediction Home win – 11/10


Hull vs Manchester Utd – Prediction Away win – 5/4


Leicester vs QPR – Prediction Home win – 3/5


Newcastle vs West Ham – Prediction Home win – 5/6


Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.  Hull are fighting for survival and The Grambler predicts that they will be beaten.  They are up against Man U but, surely, they will pull something out the bag.  Maybe we should have had a gee gee bet.


So, the bets are placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if The Grambler has got those predictions spot on, the Bobby Moore Fund will benefit by…


£10.57


1057… I wonder if anything exciting happened in 1057.  Yes it did.  You have heard of ‘the Scottish play’, haven’t you?  Course you have.  Macbeth.  Superstitious ectaws dear leddie refuse to say the correct name as it is supposed to bring bad luck if they utter the title.  Hmm.  I am not well up on Will Shakespook stuff, but I believe the name is mentioned a few times during the play.  Doesn’t that bring bad luck, then?  Any road up, 1057 is the year the actual King Macbeth was killed at the Battle of Lumphanan by the forces of Mael Coluim mac Donnchada (later King Malcolm III).  Lumphanan is a village about 25 miles from Aberdeen.  So now you know.


…..oooOooo…..


 


And now ladeez and gennulum, it’s teaser time!  Yay!  Last week I told you Luis ‘Nosher’ Suarez was the first man to score three hat tricks against the same team and I asked you to name the team in question.  Well done to anyone who knew the answer was Norwich City.  It gives me the chance to give you a link to a famous moment in the career of TV chef and Norwich City director, Delia Smith .  Not her finest moment, I am sure you will agree. 


What about a teaser for this week?  Let’s head north to Scotland this week.  As you probably know, Scottish football has been dominated by two clubs, Rangers and Celtic.  Out of a total of 323 trophies, the two clubs have claimed, between them, 214.  So this week’s teaser asks, which club comes third in the list of trophy winners from Scotland?  


 


…..oooOooo…..


 


For the last few weeks I have finished with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer.  I’m going to do it yet again, If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration.  Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign .


 


…..oooOooo…..


 


And finally, Cyril?  And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Ms J. Collins who provides us with some examples of her finest ecting moments  She’s a dame, you know.  Yes, really.  Been in panto and everything.


 


Happy grambling.