Saturday 18 December 2021

Post 433 - A merry grambling Christmas to one and all

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Story time...

Well, it’s that time of year again when we forget all our troubles and indulge in a spot of celebrating. Yes, Christmas is almost upon us and thank goodness we will all be able to enjoy ourselves and party on down, unlike last year when we weren’t allowed to meet up and have any parties whatsoever. And, no, I’m not going to take a pop at our esteemed leader Bojo the Clown. If he says a particular Christmas party didn’t take place, then I, for one, believe him. After all, only politicians of immense ability and integrity get promoted to positions of high office. Don’t they? Don’t they? Well, don’t all shout at once.

Actually, we’re probably not going to be doing much partying this year either. Oh well, I’ll just have to wallow in nostalgia. [Hovis time? - Ed.] Indeed...

Come with me back to the 1960s (Yes, I am that old.) when life was so much simpler. Us kids had less choice back then. Christmas letters to Santa always seemed to revolve around what was available from a Freeman’s Mail Order Catalogue.

That’s a blast from the past, isn’t it? Mail order catalogues. Back in the sixties, it was a way for someone to make a bit of money. It seemed to be women who ran these catalogue-based businesses. The idea was that everything you might need in life would be available from these Aladdin’s caves of exciting choice... everything that could be posted to you, that is. A bit like Amazon today. However, back then, you didn’t pay for things upfront, you got a year to pay. And the price quoted in the catalogue was the price that you paid. No interest charges. Sounds like a great system. Well, to a certain extent, it was. The problem was that everything contained within the catalogue’s pages was expensive. But, in those pre credit card days, it was a way of buying goods and knowing exactly how much it would cost over the following 52 weeks.

Hang on, I hear you ask, how does a catalogue ‘agent’ earn any money? I told you that goods were expensive; the reason for that had a lot to do with the agent being paid two and six in the pound commission. Sorry pardon excuse me? What language is this? All right twelve and a half pees in the pound. In other words, for every pound’s worth of goods sold, the agent earned that amount.

It was a nice little earner for my old mum who was forever looking for ways of earning fag money in the days when working mums were a rarity. She also tried her hand at knitting machine demonstrations and selling knitwear (made on her trusty knitting machine).

Any road up, mum had a Freemans catalogue and I would be invited to look in the toy section, to choose a Christmas present.

Don’t ask me why Santa advertised all his wares in my mum’s catalogue, but he obviously did. Why else would I be asked to pick something out of it? I wonder if Santa got the same two and six in the pound commission.

Any road up, I am taking you back to the year when I was about 9 years old. By this stage in my life, I had worked out that Santa most definitely didn’t... erm... have a mail order catalogue. (Don’t want to upset any nippers who might be reading this. Why are you reading this? This is not suitable for a child to read. Stop it at once!) My older brother and I wanted a Scalextric set. For anyone who doesn’t know, Scalextric was (still is) a British slot car racing toy for kids (young and old) that was first introduced in the 1950s. Mum and Dad told us that we could have a set, but, as it would be our ‘big’ present, we would have to share it.

I’m going to digress a little here. They can’t touch you for it. As kids, big brother and I were encouraged to ask for only one large present. Large, in those days might mean a Lego set, or a train set; both pricey items. Other than that, we had to request smaller items such as an ‘annual’ of our favourite comic, a selection box and something sensible like a pair of slippers. There was none of this asking for multiple fancy items that would guarantee your parents would spend the following year paying off the interest charges on the credit card. Although, given that Mum bought our presents from a vastly overpriced catalogue and paid it back over the year, not much has changed in reality.

So, this particular year, brother and I sat down with Mum’s catalogue and decided what we would like. Our choice was pretty limited; I’m sure Scalextric produced many different sizes of set with a choice of slot cars to go with them, but Freemans only sold four sets. The smallest had a two-lane oval track. It was the sort of thing that could have been set up in the smallest of rooms; it probably measured little more than three feet by two (1 metre x 60 cm). I think it featured a Lotus car and a Cooper. It probably cost about six or seven quid back then, which probably equates to about fifty quid nowadays.

That was just a bit rubbishy to our eyes, but the next size of set looked more promising. It still featured the same cars, but the track was a lot longer and could be made into different shapes... well, an oval or a figure of eight. This was more promising. Big brother and I put our heads together and decided that we should pester... sorry... ask our parents for this set. It was pretty expensive; pushing ten quid, I think. Would Mum and Dad accept our request? They would ‘think about it’.

The other sets in the catalogue were way out of our league. Sets we could only lust after. One featured an Aston Martin and a Ferrari GT and cost an arm and a leg... Fifteen quid at least. The biggest set was utterly senseless, twenty quid almost. Mind you, it had four lanes, so that probably explained its high price.

So, as Christmas drew nearer, we grew ever more hopeful that mum and dad (and Freemans) would come up with the goods. One day, with only a few days to go til the big day, Mum and Dad were out getting the Christmas food in. While I was happy watching Blue Peter or Top Cat or something, my brother was rushing about the house like a child possessed. I heard his heavy footsteps as he bounded downstairs...

‘I’ve found it!’ he cried.

‘Found what?’

‘Come and see! Quick! Before they get back.’

He then raced back upstairs with me struggling to keep up and led me into Mum and Dad’s bedroom. A wardrobe door was opened and he pointed in with a ‘tadah’ type of flourish.

There, hidden behind my dad’s Gannex mac (ask your dad) was a Scalextric box. A very large Scalextric box. I hadn’t realised quite how bulky these sets were. Then I spotted that the coloured illustration on the box lid featured a green Aston Martin and a red Ferrari. Wow, we both thought, they had actually bought us the best set... well, the best two car set. Wow.

He closed the wardrobe door quickly and we went downstairs to discuss who was having which car. We decided that I would have the James Bond DB5 and he would have the Prancing Horse. Wow. We were still pondering our good luck when Mum and Dad came back in. They probably wondered why we were both sat quietly watching children’s TV... we were normally knocking lumps out of each other.

Christmas day arrived and brother and I had to feign surprise as we were given our ‘big’ Scalextric set...

‘Who’s having which car?’ asked Dad.

‘I’m the green one.’ I said, a little too quickly, perhaps.

‘I’m the red one.’ added big brother.

‘That was quickly decided.’ said Mum.

‘James Bond.’ I said.

‘I like red.’ said my brother.

Did we look as guilty as we felt? I have no idea. Nor have I any idea if they believed us or not, but that Christmas day was spent assembling and playing with our terrific, unexpected (but also totally expected) Christmas gift.

Brummm!

I hope you enjoyed that little trip down memory lane. It seems that, at this time of year, a few people get a touch nostalgic. I have just had a look at the current singles chart. Obviously, a week before Christmas, we can expect a few popular oldies such as Last Christmas or All I Want for Christmas is You, but I wasn’t prepared for this. I’ll pick out some oldies from this week’s Top 100...

87 - Mary’s Boy Child/Oh My Lord - Boney M (1978)

84 - 2000 Miles - Pretenders (1983)

80 - It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas - Perry Como (1951)

69 - Santa Claus is Coming to Town - Jackson 5 (1970)

68 - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - Darlene Love (1963)

67 - The Christmas Song - Nat King Cole (1946)

65 - Lonely This Christmas - Mud (1974)

64 - Christmas Lights - Coldplay (2010)

63 - Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow - Frank Sinatra (1950)

62 - White Christmas - Bing Crosby (1942)

60 - Santa Baby - Madonna (1987)

54 - Stop the Cavalry - Jona Lewie (1980)

52 - Christmas Tree Farm - Taylor Swift (2019)

47 - Feliz Navidad - Jose Feliciano (1970)

45 - Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow - Dean Martin (1959)

44 - Mistletoe - Justin Bieber (2011)

41 - Holly Jolly Christmas - Michael Buble (2011)

36 - Sleigh Ride - Ronettes (1963)

35 - Happy Xmas (War is Over) - John & Yoko/Plastic Ono Band (1972)

33 - Merry Xmas Everybody - Slade (1973)

32 - Jingle Bell Rock - Bobby Helms (1957)

31 - One More Sleep - Leona Lewis (2013)

29 - Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney (1979)

27 - Driving Home For Christmas - Chris Rea (1988)

25 - I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday - Wizzard (1973)

20 - It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year - Andy Williams (1963)

19 - Santa Tell Me - Ariana Grande (2014)

17 - Underneath The Tree - Kelly Clarkson (2013)

16 - Step Into Christmas - Elton John (1973)

14 - Do They Know It’s Christmas - Band Aid (1984)

10 - Rocking Around The Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee (1958)

9 - It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas - Michael Buble (2012)

7 - Fairytale Of New York - Pogues & Kirsty McColl (1987)

6 - Merry Christmas Everyone - Shakin’ Stevens (1985)

4 - All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey (1994)

3 - Last Christmas - Wham (1984)

There you have it. 36 out of the top-selling tunes this week are old Christmas songs that have charted before... some of them seem to chart every year. I suppose it’s nice to see some jolly songs (and some less than jolly) being appreciated at this time of year.

Why are they getting in to the charts, though? I blame Hey Googly, Alexis and Siria, not forgetting streaming servers like Snotify... Yes I know those names aren’t quite right, but I believe that a bit of litigation isn’t beyond the actual companies if anybody looks at them the wrong way. Yes, it is all about streaming these days. Nobody has actually gone out to physically buy those records. Instead, people up and down the land are tapping into and playing their own personal Christmas playlists. They may have created them years ago, but each year, voices are shouting at their smart speakers, ‘Alex, play ‘Now that’s what I call the most brilliant Christmas mix ever by (insert name here)’ and away it will go, playing all these old favourites. Noddy Holder, Roy Wood and Shakin’ Stevens must love it when the cheque from Stopify arrives and they realise that their records have been listened to more than a million times... Woo! A tenner!

I wonder if Ladbaby will make it four Christmas number ones in a row based on one gag; the fact that the words sausage roll sound a bit like rock and roll.  Oh how we laughed.  It's all for cheridee, so that's okay, I suppose.

Here's a thing... Strange that the 1984 song Another Rock and Roll Christmas never seems to make it onto these listings. I mean it got to number seven when there was a lot of competition about from the likes of Band Aid and Wham.  You would think people would still want to hear it.  Who was it by, again? Barry something? Gary? That’s it! Gary Gli... Ah. Of course.  I take it all back.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we?

Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 18th of December? Of course there were. Here are some that even I know.

 

Charles Wesley 1707 - Leader of the Methodist movement, which is not a yoga position, but a religious group. He wrote the words to over 6500 hymns as well. Six and a half thousand! Wow. His most famous is quite apt for this time of year. You’ll know it; you will...

Gladys Cooper 1888 - Ectress, dontcha know. Margaret St. Clair in The Rogues.

Leslie Statham (aka Arnold Steck) 1905 - Composer. Who, I hear you ask. His music is some of the most well-known to british television viewers of a certain age who enjoyed watching sports. He wrote the original Match of the Day theme and this piece, which is still used as sign-off music for Today at Wimbledon, Sporting Occasion.

Celia Johnson 1908 - Ectress. Perheps most famously, Laura Jesson in Brief Encounter. Also played Jenny Gregory in, eptly, The Holly end the Ivy.

Ken Reid 1919 - Artist. When I were a lad [Uh oh, Hovis time. - Ed.] he was, to my young eyes, the best artist working for D.C. Thomson with his brilliant cartoons for Roger the Dodger and Jonah, both introduced in the 1950s. Though both characters are still in The Beano, later artists have never managed to capture the anarchic subversiveness of Reid’s drawings from those earliest days.

Merlyn Rees 1920 - Politician. [I thought he was a magician. - Ed.]

Peggy Cummins 1925 - Ectress. Annie Laurie Starr in Gun Crazy.

Rosemary Leach 1935 - Actress. Sadie Potter in Sadie, It’s Cold Outside. [Sadie it’s cold outside... Oh, how we laughed. - Ed.]

Chas Chandler 1938 - Musician, producer and manager. Bass player and backing vocalist in The Animals and later became the manager of Jimi Hendrix and Slade. Let’s have a clip, here’s We Gotta Get Out Of This Place.

Prince William of Gloucester 1941 - Posh bloke.

Keith Richards 1943 - Mummified musician. A Glimmer Twin or one half of Nanker and Phelge; take your pick. Here is the first Rolling Stones hit that he penned with the other Glimmer Twin, Mick Jagger, The Last Time.

Roger ‘Deke’ Leonard 1944 - Musician. Part of Man. That’s the band. Not a leg, or something. Right, now that’s sorted out, let’s have some early seventies prog rock. Here is a piece with, quite possibly, the best title ever used, Would The Christians Wait Five Minutes? The Lions Are Having A Draw.

Angela Richards 1944 - Actress. Monique Duchamps in Secret Army.

Alex Ligertwood 1946 - Musician and singer. Here he takes care of vocals on this Santana toon, Hold On.

Bill Nelson 1948 - Singer, guitarist, songwriter, producer, painter, video artist, and writer... In fact, a right old smarty boots. Be-Bop Deluxe main man. Have a clip. Here’s Ships In The Night.

Kevin Beattie 1953 - Footy bloke.

Tommy Walsh 1956 - Builder.

Jonathan Cainer 1957 - Astrologer, but you knew that.

Kevin ‘Geordie’ Walker 1958 - Musician. Guitarist with Killing Joke. A clip? But, of course. Here’s Love Like Blood.

Grantley Marshall aka Daddy G 1959 - Musician with Massive Attack. Another clip? Why not. Here’s Unfinished Sympathy.

Robin Galloway 1961 - DJ.

Robson Green 1964 - Actor and one time hitmaker as half of Robson and Jerome. [Really? Which half was he? - Ed.] Are you getting into the Christmas spirit a little too early? A clip? I should think so. They had three number ones... this wasn’t one of them, The Price of Love.

Baxter Dury 1971 - Musician. Son of Blockheads frontman Ian. Have a clip. Here’s I'm Not Your Dog. Factoid: When he was five, he appeared with his dad on the cover of the album New Boots and Panties.

Melissa Porter 1972 - TV presenter.

Lucy Worsley 1973 - Historian and TV presenter.

Stuart Gray 1973 - Fitba guy. Factoid: In the 2009 film The Damned United, he played his father, Eddie Gray.

Tom Parker Bowels... sorry... Bowles 1974 - Camilla’s lad.

Kirsteen Macdonald 1983 - Weather presenter. [She tells you whether it’s going to be sunny or whether it’s going to rain. Ha ha... D’you geddit? Whether. Weather. Ha ha... hic! - Ed.] Definitely been on the sauce.

Imad Wasim 1988 - کرکٹر

Adelayo Adedayo 1988 - Actress. Lauren in Timewasters.

Ashley Slalina-Davies 1989 - Actress. Amy Barnes in Hollyoaks.

Emily Atack 1989 - Actress/comedian. She has her own comedy show, appropriately titled, The Emily Atack Show.

Jack McMillan 1997 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell, you know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Grambley Marshall aka Daddy G,

I well remember your hit Unfinished Sympathy as the first biggish hit from your beat combo. Was it your biggest ever hit, or was there another piece of music which perhaps performed better in the hit parade?

Cordially yours,

T. R. Dropp.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did The Grambler’s predictions fare last time? First off, may I apologise for not being able to count last week. We won £2.08 from a £2.20 stake and I said we were in profit. [Dozy pillock! - Ed.] Anyway, this week, three out of five predictions were spot on and we won £2.06. Oh no. Two pees down on last week. What happened? Read on...

 

Preston vs Barnsley - Home win

Result - Preston 2 Barnsley 1

Yay!

Alan Browne's close-range strike opened the scoring for the Lilywhites, before Cauley Woodrow levelled the match with a header.

Daniel Johnson's neat finish restored the lead to delight the home crowd at Deepdale.

[Is that it? - Ed.]

Yes.

[Oh. - Ed.]

 

Fleetwood vs Gillingham - Home win

Result - Fleetwood 2 Gillingham 1

Yay!

Harrison Biggins and Tom Clarke scored as Fleetwood inflicted a defeat on Gillingham.

The first half had been low on thrills, other than a diving save by visiting keeper Aaron Chapman, who reacted well to deny Ged Garner.

At the other end, Alex Cairns had had even less to do, a routine save from Mustapha Carayol his main contribution.

But Biggins' goal came in the 38th minute when he timed his run perfectly to break behind the Gills' back-line and turn in Paddy Lane's cross.

Fleetwood nearly added a second before the break but Callum Morton couldn't turn in an off-target shot from left-back Danny Andrew.

Andrew almost caught out the stranded Chapman with a long-range effort a minute into the second half, the back-tracking Rhys Bennett rescuing his side.

Frustrated Gills manager Steve Evans was yellow-carded by Stephen Martin after an hour of haranguing the officials at every turn. Tw*t!

After Andrew hit a post, Evans would have been even more upset when Clarke scored Fleetwood's second in the 65th minute, heading in from another Lane cross.

Gillingham's Robbie McKenzie fired in a goal to set up a nervous final 15 minutes but the hosts held on for a vital victory.

[That’s better. - Ed.]

 

Sunderland vs Plymouth - Home win

Result - Sunderland 2 Plymouth 1

Yay!

Dan Neil put Sunderland ahead in the fourth minute with a finely worked goal.

Neil applied the low finish from 12 yards out after Alex Pritchard's corner to the near post was flicked on first time by the boot of Callum Doyle.

Nine minutes later Nathan Broadhead extended the lead as he timed his run to perfection to cheekily flick Leon Dajaku's low cross beyond goalkeeper Mike Cooper.

Plymouth improved after the restart.

Danny Mayor was denied by goalkeeper Thorben Hoffmann before Ryan Broom's rebound effort was well blocked by Doyle.

And after Sunderland head coach Lee Johnson was cautioned for complaining about a few of referee Scott Oldham's decisions, Dan Scarr headed Plymouth back in it from Jordan Houghton's corner in the 64th minute.

Sunderland finished strongly and Broadhead and Dajaku both went close before Plymouth defender James Wilson blocked Aiden O'Brien's effort from going in after a mistake from Cooper.

 

Wycombe vs AFC Wimbledon - Home win

Result - Wycombe 2 AFC Wimbledon 2

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Joe Jacobson's penalty in the sixth minute of stoppage time earned Wycombe a dramatic draw against a battling AFC Wimbledon.

The Chairboys twice fell behind to Jack Rudoni goals during a breathless encounter.

Wimbledon were ahead after just four minutes when Paul Osew put Ollie Palmer in behind down the right and his ball across goal was tapped in at the back post by Rudoni.

Adebayo Akinfenwa equalised with 16 minutes left, battling for possession before looping his shot from the edge of the box over keeper Nik Tzanev and in.

The Dons looked to have snatched it two minutes into added time when Rudoni planted in a terrific header from Egli Kaja's cross that sent the away end wild.

However, there was still time for Wycombe to be awarded a penalty after Sullay Kaikai was sent sprawling by Osew and Jacobson sent Tzanev the wrong way to rescue a point.

 

Hartlepool vs Scunthorpe - Home win

Result - Hartlepool 0 Scunthorpe 0

Ooh! ’It the bar! Again.

Pools went close in the 13th minute when defender Gary Liddle slapped a 10-yard volley wide.

Alfie Beestin skidded a low shot wide for the visitors in a drab first half.

Pools stepped up in patches in the second half as they looked to make it three wins in a row under new boss Graeme Lee.

Tom Crawford's goalbound shot was blocked on its way to goal, before keeper Rory Watson kept out a low David Ferguson free-kick from 20 yards.

Iron substitute Dan Gallimore wasted their best chance as he blazed over after 81 minutes.

Pools felt they should have had a late penalty as Mark Cullen was bundled over in the area.

In stoppage time, Watson again denied Pools, pushing out a fierce Jamie Sterry shot before pouncing on a Gavan Holohan effort.

 

What a pity. Three spot on and two almosts for The Grambler. What has he/she/it come up with this week?

 

Game - Result - Odds

Aston Villa vs Burnley - Home win - 7/10

Nottingham Forest vs Hull - Home win - 10/11

Cambridge vs Rotherham - Away win - 13/20

Salford vs Stevenage - Home win - 19/20

Kilmarnock vs Dunfermline - Home win - 4/5

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£10.16

[I think you need to redefine the word whopping. - Ed.]

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with last time’s five questions? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Buenos Aires in 1988. I began my senior career with Independiente before moving to Atlético Madrid where I scored 74 goals in 175 appearances. I then had a ten year spell at Manchester City, scoring 184 goals in 275 appearances. I currently play for Barcelona.

Answer - Sergio Agüero

2. Which current Premier League player has made the most Premier League appearances?

Answer - James Milner (534 and counting)

3. Going back a bit now... Nat Lofthouse made 503 appearances for which club?

Answer - Bolton Wanderers (Bolton lad, he were. Born and bred.)

4. An easier one... Father and son, Ian Wright and Shaun Wright-Phillips have both been capped for England, but who won the most caps?

Answer - Shaun Wright-Phillips with 36 (His dad only managed 33.)

5. Also easy... Which club’s crest features a submarine?

Answer - Barrow AFC

 

Righty ho ho ho, since Christmas is almost upon us, I thought a different type of quiz might amuse you. This week, I am giving you crossword type clues to find a famous person. Each person’s name contains a football club name. All you have to do is find the club. To assist you, I have added the division the team plays in - English and Scottish top four senior divisions, as always. Okay? Here we go...

1. Actor. From a women’s prison to My Fair Lady? (EFL 1)

2. West Indies cricketer; averaged 92 runs in test matches. (Premier League)

3. Actor/singer. Had a UK number one with Johnny, Remember Me. (EFL 2)

3. Criminal. 1967 film told the story of his (and his partner’s) life. (EFL 2)

4. Half of Britain’s most popular comedy act. (EFL 1)

5. Daughter of ex-US president. (Premier League)

6. The first DJ to broadcast on Radio One. (EFL Championship)

7. Walker Brothers drummer and vocalist. (Premier League)

8. Actor who starred in The Music Man. (EFL Championship)

9. Entertainer who worked with an aggressive bird. (EFL Championship)

10. The greatest driver never to win the F1 World Championship. (SPFL 2)

11. Jimi’s bass player. (EFL Championship)

12. Musical founding father. (SPFL Championship)

13. Actor reputed to have bought his film star wife a $1.5 million diamond ring in 1968. (EFL 1)

14. This actor was Moses before becoming an ape. (EFL 1)

15. Pop rock balladeer famous for his mullet hairstyle. (EFL 1)

16. This chat show host is the last resort. (SPFL Premiership)

17. The greatest US president? (EFL 1)

18. Drummer in a band formed in 1967 and still going. (EFL 1)

19. US film director and writer known for his gothic style. (EFL 1)

20. Actor famous for playing a detective, an alcholic psychopath and a stripper. (EFL 2)

There you have it; a nice little quiz to test you. Can you answer them without resorting to those damned search engines or even the divisions quoted? A good one for a Christmas Day quiz with the family.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount raised is a little out of date, though. Check the Justgiving page link given at the beginning of this blog to see the current figure.

 

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. S. Phillips who provides us with this week’s finishing item. It is not funny. Sorry about that. It is something that I have included in a previous edition of your favourite, ill-informed blog. It is a Christmas song entitled, appropriately enough, A Christmas Song. It never features in any chart rundown and I think that it is because it's a proper religious toon which briefly covers the life of Jesus. In fact, I think it is the only song that actually includes the crucifixion... other than Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.  Anyway, it has a nice upbeat feel to it so please enjoy Shawn Phillips’ A Christmas Song.

Merry Christmas to you all.

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday 11 December 2021

Post 432 - The saga of Grambling the Gram

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Story time...

 

Alpha, beta, gamma, delta, epsilon, zeta, eta, theta, iota, kappa, lambda, mu, nu, xi, omicron, pi, rho, sigma, tau, upsilon, phi, chi, psi and omega.

What the blibbing flip is all that about, I hear you ask. [It's all Greek to me. - Ed.] Exactly. It's the ancient Greek alphabet. Don't worry, your favourite ill-informed blog isn't going all highfalluting with you and giving you a taste of the ‘classics’ as your Oxford/Cambridge types call Greek and Latin. No, it's all about the order.

Sorry pardon excuse me?

If you don't know your Greek alphabet, I'm sure you will recognise a few leters or words that are used in the English language like... alpha: A on the phonetic alphabet, beta: not as good as VHS, delta: a Lancia car that rusted before your eyes, theta: where you see a play, mu: Musicians Union, pi for erm... pi, psi: tyre pressure... that sort of thing.

So, where am I going with all this? Covid variants. Beg pardon? Right, to explain; when the covid virus began taking hold, it was called covid-19... because it was a corona virus disease that first struck in 2019. What could be simpler? However, like all viruses, it began to mutate, so a new identification system was started. The Greek alphabet would be used to identify each different strain. Thus, the original virus was called alpha, with subsequent strains being called beta, gamma and so on.

After the first virus, the next one to hit Britain in a big way was the delta variant; presumably the fourth strain to be identified. No, I don't know what happened to beta and gamma either.

Any road up, the next strain after delta to hit these shores has been called omicron. Now, according to my understanding of the Greek alphabet, the letter to follow delta is epsilon. Am I right? Course I am. Okay then, unless whoever makes these things up doesn't know the Greek alphabet, what happened to the eleven Greek letters between delta and omicron? Have there been eleven strains of the virus that have missed Britain entirely? If that is the case, the Greek alphabet will have proved to be an unsuitable means of identification because there are only nine letters to go. If we have had 15 variants since the start of the pandemic two years ago; by the time we hit 2023, we will have run out of letters. What happens then?

Perhaps some other alphabet will be utilised, but what one? The Cyrillic? Arabic? We've had ancient Greek, what about ancient Egyptian? The problem with that is you would end up with variants named after a bird, a cat, an eye, a zig-zaggy thing, a foot, a reed (or is it a knife?), a basket, a lion, a snake (or is it a slug?), a spoon (or is it a banjo?) and a man with a bird's head... That’s the feathered variety, not a female from the 1960s.

I think the answer is obvious. I can't think why the virus namers, that is the boffins who name the different variants, didn't come up with it first. Where did the virus start? China. We should use the Chinese alphabet. There are dozens of letters in that.

Like the covid virus, it would last for years.


The unhappy face of the Omicron variant


 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we?

Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 11th of December? Of course there were. Here are some that even I know.

Val Guest 1911 - Film director of many comedies, but directed a few Hammer horror films. [So comedies, then. - Ed.]

Cliff Michelmore 1919 - TV presenter.

Denis ‘Jenks’ Jenkinson 1920 - Motoring journalist.

Liz Smith 1921 - Actress. Mrs Brandon in I Didn’t Know You Cared. She was 48 when she made her first appearance on TV, but she made up for that late start by racking up 142 IMDb credits over the next 43 years.

N. J. Crisp 1923 - Prolific writer for TV. Wrote, among other things, Dixon of Dock Green (66 eps.), Dr. Finlay’s Casebook (15 eps.), Owen M. D. (6 eps.), The Expert (62 eps.), The Brothers (92 eps.), A Family Affair (10 eps.) and Buccaneer (13 eps.). That is just a small selection of his 52 credits on IMDb.

Ronald Lewis 1930 - Actor. Alan Colby in The Full Treatment which was directed and co-written by none other than Val Guest.

Peter Firmin 1928 - Artist and puppet maker. Co-founder, with Oliver Postgate, of Smallfilms which gave us such gems as Ivor the Engine, Noggin the Nog, Pogles Wood, The Clangers and Bagpuss. Firmin also made the original Basil Brush puppet.

Noel Collins 1936 - Actor. Sgt. George Parrish in 81 episodes of Juliet Bravo.

Stephen Moore 1937 - Actor. Marvin the Paranoid Android in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. He even made a record in character; here’s Marvin.

Tony Adams 1940 - Actor. Adam Chance in Crossroads.

Alex Smith 1940 - Fitba guy.

Anna Carteret 1942 - Actress. Insp. Kate Longton in, would you Adam and Eve it, Juliet Bravo. Only in 44 episodes though.

Zienia Merton 1945 - Actress. Sandra Benes in Space: 1999.

Rosemary Stirling 1947 - Athleticky bloke.

Stevie Young 1956 - Musician. Took Uncle Malcolm’s place in AC/DC. Here is a track from Rock or Bust, the first album he played on, Let's Play Ball.

Chris Hughton 1958 - Footy bloke.

Michael Lee 1958 - Motor bikey racey bloke.

Nigel Pivaro 1959 - Actor and journo. Terry Duckworth in Coronation Street.

Marco Pierre White 1961 - Bloke who can cook. Whatever next.

Nigel Winterburn 1963 - Footy bloke.

Justin Currie 1964 - A bit of Del Amitri. A clip? Why not. Here’s Driving With The Brakes On.  [He'll not get far doing that. - Ed.]

Ben Shephard 1974 - TV presenter.

Dawn Steele 1975 - Actress. Ange Godard in Holby City.

Michael Legge 1978 - Actor. Tom O’Leary in Shameless and the voice of Luke on Thomas & Friends.

Leighton Baines 1984 - Footy bloke.

Nicky Maynard 1986 - Footy bloke.

Kris Doolan 1986 - Fitba guy.

Gary Carr 1986 - Actor. Fidel Best in Death in Paradise.

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Gramblin Currie,

Wonderful to hear Del Amitri again. I thought you’d packed in years ago. Nineteen years between studio albums? It certainly looked as if you had called it a day after your 2002 album, Can You Do Me Good. But no, it’s 2021 and to everyone’s surprise, there’s a new album out. Terrific. I’d go out and buy it, if only I knew its name. Can you help?

Yours with kisses on the bottom,

Faye Talmey-Stakes.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did The Grambler’s predictions fare last time? Surprisingly, we were actually in profit. Three out of five predictions were spot on and we won £2.08. What? Three winners and we’re still down? Snot right. What happened? Read on...

 

 

Nottingham Forest vs Peterborough - Home win

Result - Nottingham Forest 2 Peterborough 0

Yay!

James Garner turned in Brennan Johnson's cross from close range to break the deadlock 18 minutes from time.

Ryan Yates then converted Garner's corner from close range to make sure of the points.

Siriki Dembele almost put Posh in front early in the second half when his left-foot shot hit the post.

 

Aberdeen vs St Mirren - Home win

Result - Aberdeen 4 St Mirren 1

Yay!

Marley Watkins and Christian Ramirez both scored twice - once each in the opening nine minutes, before Watkins completed a first-half brace and Ramirez rounded off the thumping win.

Scott Tanser did reply for St Mirren to make it 2-1, only for Watkins' second to immediately snuff out the Paisley's side's hopes.

 

Queen of the South vs Partick - Away win

Result - Queen of the South 0 Partick Thistle 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Lee Connelly, Ruari Paton and Willie Gibson threatened for Queens.

Thistle's Zak Rudden had a shot saved and team-mates Kyle Turner and Brian Graham were off target with their efforts.

 

Albion vs Forfar - Away win

Result - Albion Rovers 2 Forfar 3

Yay!

No match report. Sorry.

Cowdenbeath vs Stirling - Away win

Result - Cowdenbeath 1 Stirling 0

Boo!

No match report. Sorry, again.

 

Not much reading for you there, sadly. [Don’t call me Sally. - Ed.] Let’s see if The Grambler can improve things this week. What has he/she/it randomly selected?

Game - Result - Odds

Preston vs Barnsley - Home win - 5/6

Fleetwood vs Gillingham - Home win - 17/20

Sunderland vs Plymouth - Home win - 17/20

Wycombe vs AFC Wimbledon - Home win - 17/20

Hartlepool vs Scunthorpe - Home win - 5/6

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£11.42

As whoppingness goes, that’s fairly middling.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with last time’s five questions? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Singapore in 1958. I am 6’ 4” tall and played as a defender. I spent most of my playing career with Ipswich Town before moving to Rangers in 1986. I was capped for England 77 times. After retiring as a player, I moved into club management and have spent the bulk of my managerial career in Scotland.

Answer - Terry Butcher

2. Which team won the league and FA Cup double in 1971?

Answer - Arsenal

3. Which club was originally known as Thames Ironworks FC?

Answer - West Ham United

4. Which club has a Yorkshire Terrier on its club crest?

Answer - Huddersfield Town

5. Jack Charlton spent his entire senior playing career with which club?

Answer - Leeds United

What do you reckon? Too easy? Maybe. Anyway, here are five more to test you this week.

1. Who am I

I was born in Buenos Aires in 1988. I began my senior career with Independiente before moving to Atlético Madrid where I scored 74 goals in 175 appearances. I then had a ten year spell at Manchester City, scoring 184 goals in 275 appearances. I currently play for Barcelona.

2. Which current Premier League player has made the most Premier League appearances?

3. Going back a bit now... Nat Lofthouse made 503 appearances for which club?

4. An easier one... Father and son, Ian Wright and Shaun Wright-Phillips have both been capped for England, but who won the most caps?

5. Also easy... Which club’s crest features a submarine?

 

There you have it; five teasers to test you. Can you answer them without resorting to Googlie or Bung (or any other search engine, for that matter)? Have fun testing your mates down the pub (as long as you are socially distanced).

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount raised is a little out of date, though. Check the Justgiving page link given at the beginning of this blog to see the current figure.

 

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to Messrs. P. Firmin and O. Postgate who provide this week’s rather charming ending to the blog. Did you spot a slight reference to one of Smallfilms' productions in the title of this week's edition?  If you remember Noggin the Nog and Nogbad the Bad, not only are you very old (like me) but will also enjoy this week's link to end the blog. [Is that Bloggin the Blog or Blogbad the Bad? - Ed.]  Please enjoy a short film made in 1997 of the two of them discussing some of the characters that they made famous.

I watched them all when they were first on TV.  I must be incredibly old.

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday 4 December 2021

Post 431 - A celebrity gramble

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Story time...

 

You may have noticed that there is a Saturday evening programme on at the moment called Strictly Come Dancing. Frankly, the only way you could have avoided the fact is if you have not watched TV, read a newspaper or looked at a computer... In which case, why am I writing this; you won’t see this either. No, I’ll carry on regardless. [One of the earlier films of the series. - Ed.] Honestly, it seems to be the most important news these days. The newspapers and news programmes are full of stories about people dropping out because they’ve torn a ligament or are self-isolating because they’ve been in contact with covid [I wish they’d all self-isolate. - Ed.]

You may also have noticed that I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here is also on our screens; weather and food-poisoning permitting.

There are many other celebrity shows on television: The Masked Singer, Dancing On Ice, Celebrity Masterchef to name just three. These shows have the nation talking as one whenever the programme makers announce those taking part, because I would be willing to wager that everyone’s reaction is the same: Who?

Admit it, when was the last time you recognised more than just a couple of celebs on these programmes? It is more likely that a person would be more famous after appearing in one of these programmes... though that isn’t a given.

The only one I recognised from I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here (known as simply I’m A Celebrity, these days) was Richard Madeley, a man who hasn’t had his own show on television since 2008, being only a ‘relief’ presenter these days. [I suppose if anyone took over from Phillip Schofield, that would be a relief. - Ed.] As for Strictly Come Dancing (known as Strictly), I only knew Adam Peaty and he’s a swimmer. I wouldn’t class a sportsman as a celebrity, but I’m guessing anyone is considered these days. I recognised someone else’s face; I believe they present an early morning news programme, but I couldn’t be certain.

Quiz shows are at it too. Catchphrase, Tipping Point, The Chase, they all have their celebrity editions. Those involved seem to be very minor celebrities, indeed. Occasionally somebody really famous will crop up. Usually it is someone who hasn’t been seen on TV for a long long time. I say famous; I’m talking Christopher Biggins/Timmy Mallett fame here.

The makers of one celebrity quiz show at least put their cards on the table. That programme is Pointless. The rest all stick the word celebrity in front of the usual title; Pointless is refreshingly different by telling it like it is: Pointless Celebrities. None of this pretending that these individuals are anything but worthless or past it.

If they are struggling for moderately famous people now, what will it be like in the future? I can just imagine Alexander (Zarnder) Armstrong introducing the guests...

‘Hello and welcome to Pointless. Let’s meet our Pointless celebrities. Couple number one!’

‘Hi, my name is Rodney Chuffington and I played the front end of the pantomime cow in ITV’s Christmas panto in 1987’

‘And I’m Hugh Jaxie and I played the back end.’

‘Couple number two!’

‘Hello, my name is Molly Toothache and I played the little girl who asked her grandfather for a Werther’s Original.’

‘Hi, my name is Eric Pervert and I played the grandfather giving her one.’

‘Couple number three!’

‘Hello, my name is Benjamin Cucumberpatch and I played the man who stares open-mouthed as Michael Crawford whizzes by on roller skates in Some Mothers Do ’Ave ’Em, the man who stares open-mouthed as Compo whizzes by in a tin bath in Last of the Summer Wine and the man who stares open-mouthed as Hyacinth Bucket climbs a fence and ends up sitting on his prize cucumber in Keeping Up Appearances.’

Hi, my name is Olive Coalman and I played his, equally open-mouthed, wife.’

‘Couple number four!’

‘Well, hello dahhhlings. I’m Christopher Biggins.’

‘And I’m Timmy Mallett.’

 

For Sale: Mallet (hardly used for 30 years)


.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we?

Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 4th of December? Of course there were. Here are some that even I know.

Thomas Carlyle 1795 - Writer, teacher, mathematician, historian, translator, literary critic, philosopher, novelist, essayist, literary historian and linguist... In fact, a right old smarty boots. He was born in Ecclefechan. There is a sign on the M74 saying ‘Thomas Carlyle was born here’. Funny place to be born; on the grass verge beside a motorway.

Edith Cavell 1865 - Nurse. Tended soldiers from both sides in WWI. After helping 200 Allied soldiers escape from German-occupied Belgium, she was found guilty of treason and executed by firing squad.

Harry Wingfield 1910 - Illustrator. If you read Ladybird Books Key Words Reading Scheme (featuring Peter and Jane) when you were a nipper, you will know his work.

Michael Bates 1920 - Actor. Blamire in Last of the Summer Wine.

Ronnie Corbett 1930 - Comedian.

James Cossins 1933 - Jobbing actor. His face seemed to be in every British drama in the 1960s through to the 80s. 145 IMDb credits.

Chas McDevitt 1934 - Musician. He had a hit back in the 1950s. Let’s have a clip. Here’s Chas whistling away while Nancy Whiskey sings on Freight Train. 

David Bailie 1937 - Actor. Cotton in the Pirates of the Caribbean films.

Richard Meade 1938 - Horsey bloke.

Gemma Jones 1942 - Actress. Minnie in Finding Alice.

Eileen O’Brien 1945 - Actress. Maddie Wright in Merseybeat.

Terry Woods 1947 - Musician. One time member of Steeleye Span. Here is their version of the traditional song The Blacksmith.

Jock Stirrup 1949 - Don’t ask.

Barry Blue 1950 - Singer. Here’s one of his two top ten hits, Do You Wanna Dance. [Not particularly. - Ed.] Factoid: He only managed to get a hit record after he adopted his stage name of Barry Blue. His real name is Barry Green.

Philip Hammond 1955 - Politician.

Paul McGrath 1959 - Footy bloke.

Anna Walker 1962 - Television presenter.

Thomas Craig 1962 - Actor. Inspector Brackenreid in 229 episodes (and counting) of Murdoch Mysteries.

Scott Hastings 1964 - Rugby guy.

Nicholas Barnes 1967 - Former actor, now an orfer.

Adam Tinley aka Adamski 1967 - DJ, musician. Have a clip. Here’s N-R-G.

Ian Baraclough 1970 - Footy bloke. Ex-Motherwell manager, you know.

Justin Welch 1972 - Drummy bloke. Played with Suede... the group not the material... before helping to form Elastica. Have a clip. Here’s their best-performing single, Waking Up.

Kate Rusby 1973 - Singer songwriter known as the Barnsley Nightingale. [Any idea where she comes from? - Ed.] Here’s a nice version of the Cure favourite, Friday I'm In Love.

Amar Latif 1974 - Actor/director. What do you mean you’ve never heard of him? He reached the semi-final of Celebrity Masterchef. That’s how famous he is. See above.

Danny Murphy 1982 - Footy bloke. Ex-Motherwell player, you know.

Nathan Stewart-Jarrett 1985 - Johnny Edgecombe in The Trial of Christine Keeler.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Adgrambleski,

It was lovely to hear your single N-R-G, but something bothers me. Didn’t you have a number one single after that? I seem to remember it featured a singer who went on to have a glittering solo career. He went by only one name. Sting? No, it couldn’t have been him. Bonio? No, he’s not done any solo stuff. No matter. It was very good, I remember that. I’m rubbish at remembering names... I can’t even remember the name of the song. Can you help?

Regards,

Keigh Lurr.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did The Grambler’s predictions fare last time? Surprisingly, we were actually in profit. Three out of five predictions were spot on and we won £3.96. Woo hoo! A profit of £1.76! What happened? Read on...

 

 

Bournemouth vs Coventry - Home win

Result - Bournemouth 2 Coventry 2

Ooh! ’Hit the bar!

There was a degree of luck about Jaidon Anthony's opener on the stroke of half-time as his cross evaded everyone to find the far corner, but he put in a fine centre for Philip Billing to prod home the second.

However, last man Jefferson Lerma received a straight red card for pulling down Sky Blues striker Matty Godden, who pulled one back 17 minutes later by firing home a loose ball in the box.

Todd Kane equalised with a lofted cross-shot over Mark Travers in the fifth minute of added time to earn Coventry a point.

Swansea vs Reading - Home win

Result - Swansea 2 Reading 3

Boo!

Jamie Paterson put Swansea ahead only for Tom Dele-Bashiru to level within a minute.

Andy Carroll scored before Ryan Manning's fine finish made it 2-2.

But Reading responded 70 seconds later as Danny Drinkwater swept in the winner.

Burton Albion vs Doncaster - Home win

Result - Burton Albion 2 Doncaster 0

Yay!

Second-half goals from Tom O'Connor and Daniel Jebbison eased Burton to a comfortable 2-0 victory over Doncaster.

Both sides struggled to create opportunities in the bitter and windy conditions but Albion started briskly.

In a frustrating half it was Rovers keeper Pontus Dahlberg who was twice called upon to keep his side level as defenders Tom Hamer and Ryan Leak both tested him from scrappy situations inside the Doncaster penalty area.

Albion continued to press and they got their reward 10 minutes after the break when O'Connor's curling free-kick evaded everyone inside the six-yard box and ended up in the back of the net.

Dahlberg denied Jonny Smith, who then saw an effort bounce back off the inside of the post, before Jebbison made it two acrobatically firing in from close range.

 

Forest Green vs Bristol Rovers - Home win

Result - Forest Green 2 Bristol Rovers 0

Yay!

Jamille Matt opened the scoring in the first half and added a second from the penalty spot late on despite Udoka Godwin-Malife's red card reducing the hosts to 10 men just after the hour.

Forest Green bossed the game from the start and finally unlocked Rovers as Ben Stevenson's pass released the scampering Matt, who ran through to plant the ball under James Belshaw.

Matty Stevens then nodded onto the bar from a Stevenson cross as Forest Green turned up the heat.

Rovers started the second half with intent and were given hope when Godwin-Malife received a second yellow for a push on Harry Anderson.

Matt bagged his second of the day and 10th of the season from the spot with 13 minutes left, drilling beyond Belshaw after Antony Evans was adjudged to have handled Ebou Adams' strike.

 

Port Vale vs Hartlepool - Home win

Result - Port Vale 2 Hartlepool 0

Yay!

Ben Garrity and Tom Pett scored Port Vale's goals as they comfortably beat visitors Hartlepool.

Both sides struggled to trouble their opponents' defences in the opening half-hour, with long-range shots from Vale's David Worrall and Hartlepool's Nicky Featherstone, both of which comfortably cleared the bar, all they could muster between them.

But, after that incident-free start to the game came the first goal. The menacing David Amoo got to the by-line and sent a teasing ball across goal where Garrity's scuffed finish was enough to bundle the ball past Ben Killip and over the line.

The hosts went close to doubling their lead midway through the second half when a fine passing move resulted in Pett volleying over the bar.

James Gibbons and Dan Jones forced good saves out of Killip while Hartlepool were unable to register a single shot of note on target at the other end.

And, with time ticking down, Pett skipped past some weak challenges before drilling in the second to secure the Valiants' victory.

 

Okeydokey, how about some predictions for this week? Can The Grambler make it a profit for two weeks running? [Unlikely, I would say. - Ed.]

Game - Result - Odds

Nottingham Forest vs Peterborough - Home win - 8/11

Aberdeen vs St Mirren - Home win - 10/11

Queen of the South vs Partick - Away win - 17/20

Albion vs Forfar - Away win - 19/20

Cowdenbeath vs Stirling - Away win - 19/20

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£11.58

Hmm... Getting a bit too whopping now.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with last time’s five questions? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in 1976 in Dakar, Senegal. I began my senior career at Cannes before moving to Milan. I then moved to Arsenal for nine years before moving to Juventus, then Inter Milan and, finally Manchester City. I was capped for France 107 times. I now manage a Premier League side.

Answer - Patrick Vieira

2. Who is the longest-serving manager in the Premier League?

Answer - Shaun Dyche. 9 years.

3. Jimmy Armfield spent his entire playing career with which club?

Answer - Blackpool

4. Which club plays at the Peninsula Stadium, Moor Lane?

Answer - Salford City

5. Name all the teams with ‘Town’ in their name that have played in the Football League (from 1888 to date)... there are 19 in all.

Answer - Walsall Town Swifts, Rotherham Town, Luton Town, Chesterfield Town, Huddersfield Town, Swindon Town, Swansea Town, Merthyr Town, Northampton Town, Halifax Town, Mansfield Town, Ipswich Town, Shrewsbury Town, Macclesfield Town, Cheltenham Town, Yeovil Town, Crawley Town, Fleetwood Town and Harrogate Town

Phew! How about another five for this week?

1. Who am I?

I was born in Singapore in 1958. I am 6’ 4” tall and played as a defender. I spent most of my playing career with Ipswich Town before moving to Rangers in 1986. I was capped for England 77 times. After retiring as a player, I moved into club management and have spent the bulk of my managerial career in Scotland.

2. Which team won the league and FA Cup double in 1971?

3. Which club was originally known as Thames Ironworks FC?

4. Which club has a Yorkshire Terrier on its club crest?

5. Jack Charlton spent his entire senior playing career with which club?

 

There you have it; five teasers to test you. Can you answer them without resorting to Googlie or Bung (or any other search engine, for that matter)? Have fun testing your mates down the pub (as long as you are socially distanced).

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign


.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount raised is a little out of date, though. Check the Justgiving page link given at the beginning of this blog to see the current figure.

 

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. R. Corbett who provides us with this week’s closing item. Ronnie Corbett was one of Britain’s best-loved comedians, it says here, and when he was working with Ronnie Barker in a show titled, appropriately enough, The Two Ronnies he used to have a solo spot each week where he sat in a big chair and told a joke. Is that it, I hear you ask. His only solo spot and he told a joke! Not much of a solo spot, more a solo pimple. Anyway, his style was that he would ramble on for several minutes trying to get round to telling it. The joke, itself, was usually quite feeble, but the laughs came from his round-about way of telling it. Here, have a look, this will help you to understand what I mean... Ladeez and genullum, I give you the (exceedingly un-woke) parrot joke.

Well, I thought it was funny.


 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.