Friday, 17 September 2021

Post 423 - The Grambler salutes Jimi Hendrix

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

 

Story time...

There was a recent article in my favourite 'newspaper', the Daily Fail, about historian Richard Starkey ruffling a few feathers with his views on covid and, in particular, its devastating effect on care home residents.

Actually, his caustic remarks were aimed more at the British treatment of old people than covid. His view was that we Brits shouldn't complain about our old relatives dying because the only reason they are in the care home in the first place is that we can't be bothered looking after them. He has a point, I suppose. He goes on to say that in societies where families do look after their older relatives, there is no need for care homes for the elderly.

Of course, these days, nobody is entitled to make any comments which are not totally PC in case they offend someone.

A new word is used to describe this obsession with political correctness, or rather an old word has been appropriated. That word is woke. One must be woke these days. It's an odd word, but like so many daft words, it has entered our vocabulary and everyone is latching onto it and using it to criticise anyone who makes a slightly non-politically correct statement.

People are becoming too thin-skinned and this became all too apparent in another story in another edition of the Daily Fail.

A young professional woman took her employer to a tribunal because he had suggested that, because she was young and didn't have a partner or any ties to stop her, she might consider applying for an overseas post being advertised within the company. His reasoning was that she was ideally suited to apply for a promoted post that would help her career. Her interpretation was that he was trying to force her out of the job she was in. Another case of what I like to call touchy-buggerism.

Not surprisingly, the judge (or whoever presides over these things) threw the complaint out and no doubt the young professional lady will get no further in her career. Indeed, moving abroad might be her best option.

Where will it all end?...

'Are you the lawyer?'

'Yes, I am. How may I help you?

'I want to file a complaint against my employer for sexual harassment?'

'Sexual harassment, you say?'

'Yes, he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.'

'Absolutely not. What happened?'

'It began the day I started working for him... sniff...'

'Take your time...'

'He... he gave me a desk right opposite his. Obviously, so that he could ogle me.'

'Ah. And is it a big office?'

'No, there are only two desks.'

'I see...'

'And do you know what he did next?'

'No. What?'

'He asked if I wanted a cup of coffee.'

'He asked you if you wanted a coffee?'

'I know. I could hardly believe it myself. He was as good as offering to take me to bed.'

'Really. Anything else?'

'He tried to make an excuse.'

'In what way?'

'He said he was making one for himself anyway. I mean the cheek of it.'

'I'm sorry?'

'Yes, the only reason he was even offering was because he was making one for himself. So much for his Sir Galahad approach. It was just a show.'

'Erm...'

'And then there was the way he looked at me.'

'How was that?'

'In a funny way.'

'Why doesn't that surprise me...'

'Exactly. Nothing would surprise you about this... this... pervert!'

'Pervert?'

'Yes pervert. Of course, he had an excuse ready when I challenged him about his lecherous glances. Said he had cataracts. Huh! What kind of an excuse is that? And then do you know what he did to cover his tracks?'

'Do tell.'

'He took time off work and actually went into hospital to have his ‘so-called’ cataracts removed. Hah! What cataracts? I've heard of some excuses for lascivious behaviour, but that takes the biscuit! And he didn't even offer me a biscuit!'

'Pardon?'

'When he offered me a coffee. How mean is that?! And another thing...'

'If you'll excuse me, I have other clients to see.'

'Oh, so I'm not important enough. I'll sue you for... libel... No... slander... Defamation of character, even. You see if I don't. I'll have you struck off. Looking at me like that... with your eyes. You're nothing but a lecherous pervert! You want locking up! Yes! Erm... I was wondering...'

'What?!'

'Could you recommend a good lawyer?'

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we?

Were any famous or notorious individuals born on the 11th of September? Of course there were. Here are some that even I know.

Mungo Park 1771 - Explorer. [I thought it was a street. - Ed.]

Louis Coatalen 1879 - Engine designer. He designed the engine for the first car that exceeded 200mph, the Sunbeam 1000HP.

D. H. Lawrence 1885 - Orfer.

Alvar Lidell 1908 - Newsreader.

Robert McKenzie 1917 - Professor of politics and election statistician. Famously came up with the ‘Swingometer’ which he used on BBC election programmes.

Jessica Mitford 1917 - A posh sister.

Herbert Charles Angelo Kuchacevich ze Schluderpacheru aka Herbert Lom 1917 - Actor. Charles Dreyfus in A Shot in the Dark and five follow-up Pink Panther films, though he was not in the original film of the franchise, The Pink Panther.

Bernard Spear 1919 - Actor. Lewtas in Never Mind the Quality, Feel the Width. Him.

Scott Forbes 1920 - Actor. Jim Bowie in The Adventures of Jim Bowie. Him. [Ooh, I liked him. Bullseye. Great super smashing. - Ed.]

Edwin Richfield 1921 - Actor. Inspector Mornay in Interpol Calling. Him.

Alan Badel 1923 - Actor. Edmond Dantès in The Count of Monte Cristo. Him.

Bill Simpson 1931 - Actor. Dr. Finlay in Dr. Finlay’s Casebook. Him.

Jack Bodell 1940 - Boxy bloke.

Mike Sangster 1940 - Tennisy bloke.

John Greig 1942 - Fitba guy. [Ooh, I love a steak bake, me. - Ed.]

Mike Bull 1946 - Athleticky bloke. Not a real bull.

Julie Covington 1946 - Actress and singer. Here she is singing an Alice Cooper song, Only Women Bleed.

Bob Catley 1947 - Musician. Lead singer with Magnum [Ooh, I love a Magnum; especially the dark chocolate one. - Ed.] Ahem... Here’s It Must Have Been Love.

Gerry Conway 1947 - Drummy bloke. He has worked with a few acts over the years, including Jethro Tull. Here is Beastie.

John Martyn 1948 - Musician. Have a clip. Here’s Couldn't Love You More.

Roger Uttley 1949 - Rugby bloke.

Barry Sheene 1950 - Motorbike racey bloke.

Jon Moss 1957 - Drummy bloke with Culture Club. A clip? Why soitenly. Here’s Time (Clock of the Heart).

Mick Talbot 1958 - Musician. He has been part of many bands, perhaps most famously on keyboards with The Style Council. Here’s one of their many hits, Walls Come Tumbling Down.

Craig Cash 1960 - Writer and actor. Perhaps best known as Dave Best in The Royle Family.

Andy Connell 1961 - Musician. Half of Swing Out Sister. Here’s a hit from 1989, You on My Mind.

Colin Wells 1963 - Actor. Sam Curtis in CI5: The New Professionals. Him.

Russell Lewis 1963 - Actor turned scriptwriter. He devised and writes Endeavour.

Graeme Obree 1965 - Bike racey bloke.

Greg Kane 1966 - Musician. The instrumental half of Hue and Cry. Here is their version of the Kate Bush song, The Man with the Child in his Eyes.

John Spencer 1970 - Fitba guy. Not the snooker player. Ex-Motherwell player, you know.

Francis McDonald 1970 - Drummy bloke with Teenage Fanclub. Here’s a toon called Fallen Leaves.

Richard Ashcroft 1971 - Musician. Frontman with The Verve, but here is a solo hit from 2006, Break the Night with Colour.

Jonny Buckland 1977 - Musician. A bit of Coldplay. Have a clip. Here’s their first single, Brothers and Sisters.

Mark Rhodes 1981 - Who? Half of duo Sam and Mark (Smark) who, as solo artists, were runners up to Michelle McManus on Pop Idol 2. They had a couple of hits before embarking on a career as children’s TV presenters. Want a clip? [Not really. - Ed.] Well, you’re getting one. Here’s The Sun Has Come Your Way.

Daniel Sloss 1990 - Comedian.

Tom Aldred 1990 - Footy bloke. Ex-Motherwell player you know.

 

And let’s not forget the famous and not-so-famous born on 18th September.

Samuel Johnson 1709 - Lexicographer. They can’t touch you for it.

Fay Compton 1894 - Actress. Aunt Ann in The Forsyte Saga. Her.

Judith Hart 1924 - Politician.

Elizabeth Spriggs 1929 - Actress. Nan in Shine On Harvey Moon. Her.

John Spencer 1935 - Snookery bloke. Not the footballer.

Alex Stepney 1942 - Footy bloke.

Veronica Carlson 1944 - Actress who seemed to be the female interest in most of the Hammer horror films.

John McAfee 1945 - Founder of the McAfee software company.

Jimmy O’Rourke 1946 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell, you know.

Nicholas Clay 1946 - Actor. Mellors in Lady Chatterley’s Lover. Him.

Struan Rodger 1946 - Actor. Sandy McGrath in Chariots of Fire. Him.

Russ Abbot 1947 - Comedian.

Mo Mowlam 1949 - Politician.

Peter Shilton 1949 - Footy bloke.

Douglas Colvin 1951 - Who? Better known as Dee Dee Ramone. A clip? Yes indeedy. Here’s Sheena Is A Punk Rocker.

Tim McInnerny 1956 - Actor. Lord Percy and Captain Darling in the Blackadder series. Him.

Martin Bramah 1957 - Musician. Two time keyboard player with The Fall, having been a founding member who left, rejoined and left again, Bramah formed Blue Orchids in 1979. Here is an early toon from them, The Flood.

John Aldridge 1958 - Footy Bloke.

Linda Lusardi 1958 - Actress, it says here.

Derek Pringle 1958 - Crickety bloke.

John Fashanu 1962 - Footy bloke.

Joanne Catherall 1962 - Singer. Part of Human League. A clip? Why not. Here’s Tell Me When.

John Powell 1963 - Film composer. Has composed the scores to more than 50, mainly animation, films. Here’s the theme from How To Train Your Dragon.

Nigel Clark 1966 - Dodgy musician. Here’s the band’s biggest hit, Good Enough.

Tara Fitzgerald 1967 - Actress. Dr. Eve Lockhart in Waking the Dead. Her.

Darren Gough 1970 - Crickety bloke.

Sol Campbell 1974 - Footy bloke.

Jason Gardener 1975 - Athleticky bloke. Not a gardener as far as we know.

Ronaldo Luís Nazário de Lima aka Ronaldo 1976 - Futebolista.

Adeel Akhtar 1980 - Actor. Faisal in Four Lions. Him.

Charity Wakefield 1980 - Actress. Georgina in The Great. Her.

Dylan Mills 1984 - Who? Better known as rapper, Dizzee Rascal. A clip? Aye, go on then. Here’s Dirtee Disco.

Cammy Bell 1986 - Fitba guy.

Chris Eubank Jr. 1989 - Boxy bloke.

Matt Targett 1995 - Footy bloke.

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Joanne Gramblerall,

The Human League track The Grambler gave us a link to was a top ten hit in 1995; is it true that your previous top tenner was some nine years earlier? And, if so, what was it called?

Yours inquiringly,

Hugh Mann.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did The Grambler’s predictions fare last time? Not so great. 70 pees we won the previous time, didn’t we? Well, this time we couldn’t even match that... 68 pees back. Tyuh! What happened? Read on...

 

Bradford vs Walsall - Home win - 7/10

Result - Bradford 1 Walsall 1

Dash it! Hit the bar!

Bradford were left frustrated after a first-half equaliser from Jack ‘Golden’ Earing earned 10-man Walsall a 1-1 draw.

The first 15 minutes provided a tightly contested affair between two clubs at contrasting ends of the table but it was City who drew first blood through Elliot ‘T’ Watt.

A neat one-two between Callum ‘Cap’n’ Cooke and Alex ‘Gilly’ Gilliead forced a Bantams corner, from which the ball dropped to Watt on the edge of the box and he smashed home.

Earing equalised for the visitors against the run of play when he turned in the lively Brendan ‘Ford’ Kiernan's cross three minutes before half-time.

Within a minute of the equaliser, Walsall found themselves down to 10 men when captain Joss ‘Stick’ Labadie was sent off for a dangerous tackle on Gareth ‘Thank’ Evans.

With the man advantage, Bradford manager and ex-Motherwell player, Derek Adams' men continued to pile the pressure on but Walsall's resistance held strong in the second half as they thwarted the Yorkshire side to earn a point.

 

Bristol Rovers vs Crawley Town - Home win

Result - Bristol Rovers 1 Crawley Town 0

Huzzah!

Sub Leon ‘Russell’ Clarke scored within 90 seconds joining play to earn a victory over Crawley.

The striker was introduced at the start of the second half and made an immediate impact, finding space in the box to head home from fellow debutant Antony ‘Good’ Evans' 47th-minute cross.

Goalkeeper James ‘Ring’ Belshaw then protected Rovers' lead with second-half saves from substitute Ashley ‘Sports’ Nadesan twice and Sam ‘Son’ Ashford.

The visitors had the best first-half chances, Tyler ‘Wat’ Frost forcing a save from Belshaw with an 11th-minute drive.

Belshaw also saved bravely at the feet of Jake ‘The Peg’ Hessenthaler in the 32nd minute, while Jake ‘Dick’ Powell headed straight at the Rovers keeper from a 41st-minute free-kick.

Harvey ‘Jennifer’ Saunders might have wrapped up the points for the hosts when shooting wide with five minutes left.

 

Mansfield vs Harrogate Town - Home win

Result - Mansfield 1 Harrogate 3

What the...!

An exciting first-half exploded into life with two early goals.

On three minutes Stephen ‘Jack’ McLaughlin sent a free-kick to the far post where Rhys ‘Sowyer’ Oates steered home a perfect finish across keeper Mark ‘Press’ Oxley to put Mansfield ahead.

But the visitors were level within two minutes as Luke ‘Stretch’ Armstrong headed home from a George ‘Jock’ Thomson corner.

Nathan ‘Arch’ Bishop's legs denied Alex ‘Cow’ Pattison on 25 minutes when a corner was cleared to him while, at the other end, Oxley tipped over a goalbound McLaughlin free-kick.

But two minutes into added time Pattison crossed from the right, Armstrong flicked on in the middle and Jack ‘Spotty’ Muldoon was there to apply the finish at the far post.

In an explosive 73rd minute, the Stags were reduced to nine men as Olly ‘Desk’ Clarke was sent off for bringing down Jack ‘Of’ Diamond and, as players squared up, Stephen ‘Mighty’ Quinn was also dismissed as the referee decided he had felled Josh ‘Peter’ Falkingham.

Bishop saved superbly to deny Muldoon and Armstrong but the nine men conceded a third on 81 minutes as Thomson headed home from close range from a Lewis ‘Turner’ Page corner.

 

Northampton vs Scunthorpe - Home win

Result - Northampton 2 Scunthorpe 0

Yahoo!

The Cobblers dominated after Emmanuel ‘Falling’ Onariase's early red card but had to wait until the second half to make it count with ‘Broadway’ Danny Rose and Sam ‘Bob’ Hoskins the men on target.

Onariase saw red after just 20 minutes when he barged over Rose as the striker bore down on goal.

Mitch ‘Doug’ Pinnock's subsequent free-kick slammed into the wall before United almost struck against the run of play as Liam ‘Julia’ Roberts saved from Devarn ‘Dock’ Green and George ‘WH’ Taft's header deflected a fraction wide.

But Northampton dominated and Paul ‘Jerry’ Lewis went close with a header while Rory ‘Doc’ Watson brilliantly kept out Hoskins at point-blank range in first half stoppage-time.

Lewis had further chances in the second half, including a header against the crossbar, and Northampton finally made the breakthrough when Rose stabbed home Hoskins' cross on 63 minutes.

Scunthorpe applied some late pressure but the home side made sure of all three points in stoppage-time when Hoskins forced the ball home after Dylan ‘Billy’ Connolly's shot was cleared off the line.

 

Port Vale vs Rochdale - Home win

Result - Port Vale 2 Rochdale 3

Bah!

It was the hosts who were the quicker out of the blocks and deservedly took an eighth-minute lead through Jamie ‘Goodwin’ Proctor.

Advancing centre-back Nathan ‘Barley’ Smith put in a cross from the byline and the striker powered in an unstoppable header from close range.

Rochdale levelled midway through the first half when Alex ‘Eric’ Newby sent O'Keeffe racing down the right, delivering an inch-perfect cross for Jake ‘Max’ Beesley to plant his header into the top corner.

Beesley got his second in the 53rd minute when another impressive team move resulted in Jimmy ‘Leonard’ Keohane picking him out for another fine header which gave goalkeeper Lucas ‘Lamp’ Covolan no chance.

Rochdale's lead lasted just six minutes as Proctor hit his second goal, turning his marker and netting clinically after Tom Conlon found him in the box.

But, with little more than 10 minutes to go, Rochdale substitute Danny ‘Strapped’ Cashman slipped a neat pass in behind the defence for O'Keeffe who made no mistake with his finish.

Game - Result - Odds

Huddersfield vs Nottingham Forest - Home win - 6/5

Middlesbrough vs Blackpool - Home win - 4/5

Peterborough vs Birmingham - Away win - 5/4

Preston vs West Brom - Away win - 5/4

QPR vs Bristol City - Home win - 5/6

 

 

Well, the bets are placed. Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£16.66

1666? Great Fire of London happened that year. It has been suggested that the fire helped to end the plague which was prevalent at the time. We have our own plague just now and there have been a few fires around the world in recent months. Could this be a case of history repeating itself? Discuss.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with last time’s five questions? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Cardiff in 1989. I began my senior career at Southampton, before moving to Tottenham Hotspur. I moved to Real Madrid in 2013, but am currently on loan to my old club, Spurs.

Answer - Gareth Bale

2. Which club has won each of the four flights of the senior English league, but only once for each?

Answer - Sheffield United

3. Which former Tottenham Hotspur manager has competed in the Dakar Rally?

Answer - Andre Villas-Boas

4. Singer Nicky Byrne from Westlife played for which club before moving into music?

Answer - Leeds United

5. Which former Brazil star spent time in prison after trying to use a fake passport?

Answer - Ronaldhino

Righty-ho, how about another five for this week?

1. Who am I

I was born in 1976 in Rio de Janeiro. I played as a striker and, in a career of 343 club appearances, I scored 247 goals. I was capped 98 times and scored 62 goals. I was known as ‘O Fenômeno’ which means the phenomenon. In 2020, France Football magazine included me in their ‘greatest all-time XI’.

2. Which English club has played the most times in the UEFA Champions League Group Stage?

3. Which South American has scored the most international goals?

4. Who is the only Polish outfield player to have made over 100 Premier League appearances?

5. What Premier League record is shared by Les Ferdinand, Teddy Sheringham, Kevin Campbell and Nicolas Anelka?

There you have it; five teasers to test you. Can you answer them without resorting to Googlie or Bung (or any other search engine, for that matter)?

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign


.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, an unusually sombre end to this week’s edition, because September the 18th marks 51 years since the death of arguably the most innovative guitar player in the world at that time. Jimi Hendrix is still regarded by many as the greatest guitarist ever. I think it only right that we should end this week’s edition with a clip. Here is a live performance of his biggest UK hit, Purple Haze... The one with everybody’s favourite misheard lyric.  You know the one.  You do...

 

Scuse me, while I kiss this guy

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 4 September 2021

Post 422 - Anyone for monkey grambling?

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

 

Story time...

There seems to be a plethora (That's a good word, I must look it up.) of reality TV programmes these days that fall into the 'look how stupid I am' or 'help me carry out the simplest of tasks' categories.

Firstly, the look how stupid I am type.  These can range from I have eaten too much food and am now so morbidly obese that I can't move (except to get more food) to I can't throw anything away as my house is so full of useless rubbish that I can't see the floor any more.  The individuals whose problems are being discussed provide Channels 4 and 5 with hours of programming which allows us viewers to comment, 'look how stupid these people are' and deciding there and then to tidy the house and lose a bit of weight.

The other type of programme concerns simple everyday tasks that ought to be able to be undertaken by everyone and his cat.  These began back in the fifties with gardening, cookery and diy programmes always fronted by Percy Thrower, Philip Harbin and Barry Bucknell respectively.

Perhaps these are names you don't know.  Barry Bucknell was a posh joiner with an obsession for covering 'ugly' Georgian fireplaces and doors with sleek modern hardboard.  He'd be jailed for vandalism nowadays.

Such programmes have been joined by others with a similar format showing us how to sew, shop and even eat.

Any road up, there is another programme which combines the 'stupid' and 'help with simple tasks' aspects into a dreadful offering fronted by some skinny female with the most horrible 'Estuary English' accent and seemingly too many teeth in her face.  Her name is Tracey Sullivan... maybe... and the programme is called something like ‘Sort yourself out, thicko’.

This programme centres on a family who have too much clutter in their home.  Miss Suriname helps them to de-clutter their house.  Fair enough, so far, so mind-numbingly awful, but there is worse to come.  Once the place is cleared, Macy Son of Man shows them how to put things into cupboards.  Yes, you read that correctly, how to put things into cupboards!  She is obviously an expert at putting things into cupboards because, when she has finished, the cupboards have most definitely been filled.

That's how far we have sunk into the mire of dumbed down TV.   I had to watch the whole programme just to prove to myself that it really was that dreadful.  And it was.   Sadly, it did not improve.

It seems that programme makers have decided that people will watch any old tripe.  Gogglebox and Naked Attraction fit into this same category.  Gogglebox features people watching TV and we are supposed to laugh at their reactions to what they are seeing.   Hmm.  Naked Attraction is basically Tinder without clothes... actually that probably is already in existence.   Anyway, the point is [... what I really mean. - Ed.] these programmes are just utter drivel... cheap to produce and watched by people who think a high iq is a new Apple product.

When Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge suggested a programme called Monkey Tennis, we laughed because the very idea was ludicrous.  When I see the current offerings, in hindsight, it seems positively high-brow.

After (You should have seen it before)


.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we?

Were any famous or notorious individuals born on the 28th of August? Of course there were. Here are some that even I know.

Robb Wilton 1881 - Comedian.

John Betjeman 1906 - Poet.

Leslie Dwyer 1906 - Jobbing actor. 145 credits on IMDb from his first film appearance in 1936 to his last role in 1980. It was this final role for which he is best remembered. He was the grumpy Punch and Judy man, Mr Partridge in Hi-de-Hi!

Hugh Cudlipp 1913 - Journalist and newspaper editor.

Michaela Denis 1914 - Wildlife documentary film maker.

Max Robertson 1915 - Sports commentator and presenter of an early Beeb Beeb Ceeb antiques programme called Going for a Song.

Alexander Doré 1923 - Actor. Bertram Bright in Bright’s Boffins. Him.

Windsor Davies 1930 - Actor. Famous as Battery Sergeant Major Williams in It Ain’t Half Hot, Mum.

Philip French 1933 - Film critic.

Harold Snoad 1935 - Television producer. Worked on many Beeb comedy shows from the late 1960s through to the 1990s. His Lordship Entertains, Rings on Their Fingers and Keeping Up Appearances are just three from over 30 that he was responsible for.

Dyson Lovell 1936 - Actor and producer. Appeared in 1968’s Romeo and Juliet as Sampson. He was producer on 1979’s The Champ.

Clem Cattini 1937 - Drummy bloke for The Tornados. He became a session musician after leaving the band and holds the record for playing drums on the most UK Number 1 singles. 42, apparently. Have a clip. Here’s the first record by a British group to reach number 1 in the UK and in the USA, Telstar.  It looks as if Clem forgot to bring his drumkit to that recording.

Bob Langley 1939 - TV presenter.

John Marshall 1941 - Drummy bloke with Soft Machine and Nucleus. Have some jehhhzzz; here is Nucleus with Elastic Rock.

David Soul 1943 - Actor who played Hutch in Starsky and Hutch. He also sang and had a few hits. Here is Don't Give Up On Us.

Emlyn Hughes 1947 - Footy bloke.

Alec Sabin 1947 - Actor. Fawn in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. Him.

James Aubrey 1948 - Actor. Gavin Sorenson in Bouquet of Barbed Wire and Another Bouquet. Him.

Hugh Cornwell 1949 - Original Stranglers frontman. Have a clip. Here’s No More Heroes.

Tony Husband 1950 - Cartoonist.

Emma Samms 1960 - Actress. Fallon Carrington Colby in Dynasty. Her.

Kim Appleby 1961 - Singer and actress. Here she is feeling G.L.A.D.

Mike Brewer 1964 - Presenter of motoring programmes.

Billy Boyd 1968 - Actor. Pippin in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Him.

Esther Hall 1970 - Actress. Dr. Felix Gibson in Waking the Dead. Her.

Paul Sheerin 1974 - Fitba guy.

Andrew White 1974 - Musician. A Kaiser Chief. Here’s their only number 1 to date, Ruby.

Kezia Dugdale 1981 - Politician.

Kevin McNaughton 1982 - Fitba guy.

Florence Welch 1986 - Musician. Florence of Florence + the Machine. Here is their only UK chart topper, Spectrum (Say My Name).

Jamie Murphy 1989 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell player.

Rian Gordon 1997 - Actor. Conor Brodie in River City. Him.

 

And what about September the 4th? Here are those that I know who were born on that date.

William Lyons 1901 - Co-founder of Jaguar Cars. Originally, the company was called the Swallow Sidecar Company which became S. S. Cars when the company began producing cars. Towards the end of WWII it was decided to rename the company again, due to the negativity attached to the S.S. monicker.

Geoff Love 1917 - Orchestra leader. Produced a lot of easy-listening type albums in the 1970s and 80s. Appealed to the type who might have bought James Last albums... Or Mantovani. Have a wee clip. Here’s Geoff’s take on the Johnny Mathis toon, Misty.

Hilary Mason 1917 - Actress. Heather in Don’t Look Now. Her.

Teddy Johnson 1920 - Singer. With wife, Pearl Carr, had a few hits including this, Britain’s entry in the 1959 Eurovision Song Contest, Sing Little Birdie.  Ye gods and little fishes!

Denis Howell 1923 - Politician.

Robin Hunter 1929 - Actor. Sir Gilbert in Richard the Lionheart. Him.

Edward de Souza 1932 - Actor. Charles Grandmercy in The Troubleshooters. Him.

Dinsdale Landen 1932 - Actor. Mickey Dunne in Mickey Dunne. Him.

Jim Clunie 1933 - Fitba guy.

George Claydon 1933 - Actor. He played the photographer in The Magical Mystery Tour.

Joanna Van Gyseghem 1941 - Actress. Lady Marigold Featherstone in Rumpole of the Bailey.

Bill Kenwright 1945 - Actor turned businessman... oh, and he is chairman of Everton F.C.

Jeffery Kissoon 1947 - Actor. Mr. Kennedy in Grange Hill. Him.

David Renwick 1951 - Scriptwriter. He created One Foot in the Grave and Jonathan Creek.

Martin Chambers 1951 - Drummy bloke with The Pretenders. Here’s a track called Fast or Slow (The Law's the Law).  That was Chambers on vocals.

Lorraine Cheshire 1958 - Actress. Sue in Trollied. Her.

Kevin Kennedy 1961 - Actor. Curly Watts in Coronation Street. Him.

Norrie McWhirter 1969 - Fitba guy.

Noah Taylor 1969 - Actor. Darby Sabini in Peaky Blinders. Him.

Guto Pryce 1972 - A Super Furry Animal. Here’s a toon called Northern Lites.

Mark Ronson 1975 - DJ, songwriter and producer. Has had many hit records, including this number one with Bruno Mars, Uptown Funk.

Kai Owen 1975 - Actor. Rhys Williams in Torchwood. Him.

Steven Boyack 1976 - Fitba guy.

Sarah Solemani 1982 - Actress. Miss Gulliver in Bad Education. Her.

Jennifer Metcalfe 1982 - Actress. Mercedes McQueen in Hollyoaks. Her.

Inel Tomlinson 1984 - Comedian.

Michael Smith 1988 - Foody blook, surely noy.

Ryan Flynn 1988 - Fitba guy.

James Bay 1990 - Musician. Here’s his best performing single to date, Hold Back the River.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Kim Grambleby,

I am surprised that the grambler chappie gave us one of your solo hits rather than one of you with your sister Mel B, or was it Mel C? Nothing against your solo work; it’s all jolly spiffing in my book. Any hoo, I think one of your wonderful duets should be included for people like me who appreciate a good tune produced by those marvellous fellows Lock, Stock and Dennis Waterman. I can’t think which one though. Which would you suggest?

Yours spiffingly,

Reece Peck-Tabble.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did The Grambler’s predictions fare last time? Not too well. 70 pees back from a £2.20 stake doesn’t really count as a win. What happened? Read on...

QPR vs Barnsley - Home win

Result - QPR 2 Barnsley 2

Ooh! Close!

Charlie ‘Chummy’ Austin grabbed an added-time goal as QPR came from 2-0 down to rescue a point against Barnsley.

The striker beat keeper Brad ‘Phil’ Collins from Yoann ‘Wally’ Barbet's cross after Ilias ‘Rocking’ Chair had brought Rangers back into the game with an individual effort.

The Yorkshire side had gone ahead early as Dominik ‘Burgeran’ Frieser beat the offside trap and drilled the ball past Seny ‘Gall’ Dieng.

Captain Cauley ‘Culkin’ Woodrow then scored his 50th goal for the club, but they were pushed back as Rangers dominated after the break and Austin's goal earned a deserved draw.

 

Coventry vs Reading - Home win

Result - Coventry 2 Reading 1

Yay!

Substitute Matty ‘Yus’ Godden grabbed a 98th-minute winner as Coventry City came from behind to defeat Reading.

Fellow sub Jamie ‘Ray’ Allen had scored an equaliser with his first touch earlier in the second half after John ‘Gulliver’ Swift's penalty had put the visitors ahead.

 

Luton vs Birmingham - Home win

Result - Luton 0 Birmingham 5

What!!

Scott ‘Hulk’ Hogan's double crowned a sparkling display by Birmingham as they thrashed hapless Luton.

Defender Marc ‘Radio’ Roberts headed Blues in front before Hogan nodded in Tahith ‘Impressive’ Chong's cross to double their advantage.

The impressive Chong then set up Hogan to make it 3-0 early in the second half.

Substitutes Gary ‘Ava’ Gardner and Chuks ‘Away’ Aneke both found the net in the closing stages to wrap up the Blues’ win.

In a lively opening, Birmingham goalkeeper Matija ‘Medium’ Sarkic produced a close-range stop to deny Tom ‘Keyto’ Lockyer before the visitors snatched a seventh-minute lead.

Jeremie ‘Lugosi’ Bela's corner caught the Hatters’ defence out as Roberts darted to the near post and directed his glancing header beyond Simon ‘Sea’ Sluga.

Luton’s back line faltered again just before the half-hour, failing to fully clear a corner and Chong delivered the ball back into the penalty area for Hogan to beat Sluga with a looping header.

 

Sheffield Utd vs Huddersfield - Home win

Result - Sheffield Utd 1 Huddersfield Town 2

Boo!

Josh ‘Toyota’ Koroma gave Huddersfield the lead with 15 minutes to play, side-footing in the loose ball after his initial shot had been saved.

Billy ‘Needle’ Sharp then thought he had earned the Blades a point in added-on time after scoring the equaliser.

But Colwill turned in a 94th-minute goal after fine work by Harry ‘Gruff’ Toffolo to earn Huddersfield the points.

 

Stoke vs Nottingham Forest - Home win

Result - Stoke 1 Nottingham Forest 0

Yay!

Josh ‘Rhyming’ Tymon's goal earned Stoke City a deserved victory over Nottingham Forest.

Tymon drove low into the net despite the best efforts of Forest keeper Brice ‘Carioca’ Samba.

Stoke had dominated with Samba holding a Tommy ‘Gun’ Smith shot and doing brilliantly to deny Steven ‘Arrow’ Fletcher, minutes before Tymon's goal.

Forest failed to register a single shot on target.

 

That was last week time, what has The Grambler randomly selected for us this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Bradford vs Walsall - Home win - 7/10

Bristol Rovers vs Crawley Town - Home win - 3/4

Mansfield vs Harrogate Town - Home win - 19/20

Northampton vs Scunthorpe - Home win - 10/11

Port Vale vs Rochdale - Home win - 21/20

 

 

Well, the bets are placed. Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£11.98

Heading for unwhopping territory, I think.

As I am running late with this issue, I can tell you now that we didn’t win much this week. Details next time.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with last time’s five questions? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in 1985 in Londrino, Brazil. I began my senior career at Atlético Paranaense in 2002. I moved to Shakhtar Donetsk in 2005 and played 184 games before moving to my current Premier League club (where I am currently captain) in 2013. I have been capped 53 times for Brazil.

Answer - Fernando Luiz Roza aka Fernandinho

2. Which African nation has won gold, silver and bronze Olympic medals for men’s football?

Answer - Nigeria

3. Mikel Arteta, Graham Potter, Patrick Vieira, Ole Gunnar Solskjær and Steve Bruce have what Premier League-related fact in common?

Answer - They all played in the Premier League and are currently managers in that league.

4. Which outfield player appeared in the Champions League final in three different decades?

Answer - Ryan Giggs

5. The fastest goal scored in Premier League history came in 7.69 seconds. Who scored it?

Answer - Shane Long for Southampton against Watford.

 

Five for this week? Why not.

1. Who am I

I was born in Cardiff in 1989. [Got it already! - Ed.] I began my senior career at Southampton, before moving to Tottenham Hotspur. [Oh, it’s not who I thought it was. - Ed.] I moved to Real Madrid in 2013, but am currently on loan to my old club, Spurs. [Yep. Got it now. - Ed.]

2. Which club has won each of the four flights of the senior English league, but only once for each?

3. Which former Tottenham Hotspur manager has competed in the Dakar Rally?

4. Singer Nicky Byrne from Westlife played for which club before moving into music?

5. Which former Brazil star spent time in prison after trying to use a fake passport?

There you have it; five teasers to test you. Can you answer them without resorting to Googlie or Bung (or any other search engine, for that matter)?

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign


.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, have you ever wondered what tickled the nation’s funny bone around a century ago? [I haven’t, that’s for sure. - Ed.] If you have, then enjoy a few minutes in the company of a Mr. R. Wilton who gives us one of his amusing monologues.  Hmm...

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 21 August 2021

Post 421 - The Grambler remembers Sean Lock

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy


Story time...

As regular readers of the world's greatest ill-informed blog know, I am not the greatest fan of (anti)social media. I use Farcebook and Twatter each week simply to inform my loyal followers (How are you both, by the way?) of this week's topic. Other than that, I rarely make any comments at all. On anniversaries relating to the blog's founder, Stewart, I would put a memory or two on, but that is, basically, it.

I have noticed that one or two of my ‘friends’ have decided to leave Farcebook and it comes as no surprise to me. Many people are turning their backs on social media citing it as being dangerous because it records and stores everything you ever write on it. Recently, a couple of England cricketers were hauled over the coals because of racist comments they had made years before. All because some nosey individual had deemed it important to trawl through years' worth of comments.

Don't just think famous people are subjected to such scrutiny. Oh no. Even ordinary folk might suffer...

'Thank you for coming today. Your cv looks most impressive.'

'Thank you.'

'However, your dislike of the government is less so.'

'Pardon?'

'Yes, a Facebook entry from 2004 describes Tony Blair as, and I quote, 'a big jobby'.'

'I was seven! And he was a big jobby. '

'I would also draw your attention to racist remarks you made in 2007.'

'What?'

'In an online discussion about the re-formation of the pop group, the Spice Girls, between yourself and your peers, you were suggesting that Victoria Beckham was too thin...'

'Well, she is thin. That's not racist.'

'You then informed your friends that the only good looking Spice Girl was, and I'm quoting again, 'the black one; the rest are mingers'.'

'I couldn't remember her name. Anyway, why is that racist if I said I preferred her?'

'The word black. Not allowed.'

'I was ten for goodness' sake!'

'No excuse. And what about your communist leanings?'

'What communist leanings?'

'In 2015 you intimated that you and friends were considering the overthrow of the government so that communism could prevail.'

'I don't recall any such thing.'

'You don't remember, I'm quoting again, 'It will be great when we are in halls of residence at the uni. We can do as we like without any interference from parents. Our own wee commune... Yee f****** hah!'?'

'We were 18; it was our first taste of freedom.'

'Freedom? Anarchy, more like. All this is bad enough, but it is your dishonesty which really worries me.'

'Dishonest? I don't understand.'

'Just last year, at the start of the lockdown when everyone was joining in with the 'my favourite whatever trend' you cited Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd as your favourite album...'

'Yes it is.'

'And yet, in 2006, according to your Facebook account, your favourite album was something called High School Musical... How do you explain that one away? '

'Oh, this is ridiculous. I can hardly have an informed musical opinion at nine years old... Do you know what? You can stick your job. I didn't want to work in McDonald's anyway.'

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we?

Were any famous or notorious individuals born on the 21st of August? Of course there were. Here are some that even I know.

William Murdoch 1754 - Engineer and inventor.

William IV 1765 - The well-known king.

Aubrey Beardsley 1872 - Illustrator.

Claude Grahame-White 1879 - Pioneer aviator. Competed in a Daily Fail prize of £10,000 to fly from London to Manchester. That is worth £1.2 million today. He did win a lesser prize at a Midlands Aviation Meeting... only £1,000 though (£120,000 in today’s money... still, not bad).

Geoffrey Keen 1916 - Actor. Played the Minister of Defence in several of the James Bond films.

Christopher Robin Milne 1920 - Son of A.A. and inspiration for... can you guess which character?

Barry Foster 1927 - Actor. The original Van der Valk in the series of that name... You know, the one who drove the little DAF.

Tony Steedman 1927 - Actor. Socrates in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Him.

Chris Brasher 1928 - Affleticky bloke.

Princess Margaret 1930 - The well-known sister of Betty.

Barry Norman 1933 - Film critic and presenter. And why not.

Janet Baker 1933 - Rerr chanter. Time for a bit of cultyer. Here’s a bit of Samson et Dalila.

Frances Cuka 1936 - Actress. Ethel Cratchit in Scrooge (1970). Her.

Donald Dewar 1937 - Politician. Scotland’s first First Minister. [Eh? - Ed.]

Howard Lew Lewis 1941 - Actor. Elmo in Brush Strokes. Him.

Glenn Hughes 1951 - Musician. One-time Deep Purple bassist. Here is a toon he played on, Mistreated.

John Mellor, better known as Joe Strummer 1952 - A bit of The Clash. Time for a clip. Here’s their first hit, White Riot.

Kim Cattrall 1956 - Actress. Samantha Jones in Sex and the City. Her.

Peter Clark, better known as Budgie 1957 - Musician. Worked with Siouxsie Sioux on various projects including The Creatures. Have a clip. Here he is giving it laldy on the drums on Mad Eyed Screamer.

Ben Onwukwe 1957 - Actor. Stuart ‘Recall’ McKenzie in London’s Burning. Him.

Jimmy Hughes 1958 - Musician. Started his recording career with The Banned. Here’s their top 30 hit Little Girl.

Kate Robbins 1958 - Comedian, actress, singer and songwriter.

Anne Hobbs 1959 - Tennisy bloke.

Nigel Pearson 1963 - Footy bloke.

Dina Carroll 1968 - Singer. Here’s one of her many hits, Don't Be A Stranger.

Liam Howlett 1971 - Musician. A bit of Prodigy. Here’s Warrior's Dance.

Paul Chowdhry 1974 - Comedian.

Paul Ritchie 1975 - Fitba guy.

Laura Haddock 1985 - Actress. Zoe Walker in White Lines. Her.

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Liam Gramblett,

It was great hearing a track from The Prodigy. I recall that one being a top ten single from the album Invaders Must Die. Wasn’t there another top ten single taken from that album?

Yours quizzically,

O. Menn.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did The Grambler’s predictions fare last week? We won. Really. All five Grambler predictions were spot on. I know. I can’t believe it either. Our £2.20 bet won us the grand total of £13.42. Yay! Yay indeed. What happened? Read on.

 

 

Everton vs Southampton - Home win

Result - Everton 3 Southampton 1

Yay!

Michael ‘Awfy’ Keane gifted an opener for Saints’ Adam ‘Stretch’ Armstrong as he latched on to Che ‘Grizzly’ Adams' ball to curl into the top corner.

Everton struggled for the rest of the first half, but ‘Ricky’ Richarlison was brought on up front for the second half, which paid off immediately after as he poked home from Andros ‘Pete’ Townsend's header.

Everton, who were without the isolating James ‘Dave’ Rodriguez, then sent their fans delirious with two goals in the space of five minutes.

First, Abdoulaye ‘Lino’ Doucoure turned in the penalty box before smashing into the top corner. Then, Richarlison crossed for Dominic ‘Nickel’ Calvert-Lewin to score with a diving header at the near post.

 

Barnsley vs Coventry - Home win

Result - Barnsley 1 Coventry 0

Yay!

Dominik ‘Cumming’ Frieser slotted past Simon ‘Roger’ Moore after being played in by Romal ‘Patsy’ Palmer and the Tykes held out despite some intense pressure from the Sky Blues.

Viktor ‘Meldrew’ Gyokeres hit the crossbar with a first-half effort as he slid in to meet a cross from the left and, following the interval, Coventry defender Michael ‘Boat’ Rose saw a header cleared off the line by Cauley ‘Flower’ Woodrow.

A foul on Jamie ‘Dave’ Allen led to Coventry being awarded an added-time penalty, but Brad ‘Pit’ Collins made a superb save to keep out the spot-kick by Gyokeres.

 

Middlesbrough vs Bristol City - Home win

Result - Middlesbrough 2 Bristol City 1

Yay!

Debut goals from Uche Ikpeazu and Matt Crooks earned Middlesbrough a first league win of the season, as they beat Bristol City at the Riverside.

Uche ‘Chickpea’ Ikpeazu opened the scoring for Boro in the first half, before Andy ‘Nat’ King drew City level on the hour mark.

But Matt ‘Garth’ Crooks put his side back in the lead 10 minutes later with a simple tap-in from a Paddy ‘Wack’ McNair free-kick.

 

West Brom vs Luton - Home win

Result - West Brom 3 Luton 2

Yay!

Albion were set on their way by a comic fifth-minute headed own goal from Luton captain Kal ‘Igula’ Naismith.

Goals from strikers Callum ‘Smokey’ Robinson, in the 36th minute, and Karlan ‘Lou’ Grant, in the 66th minute, appeared to have got the job done before Harry ‘Glenn’ Cornick began the Hatters revival on 70 minutes.

The visitors then scored twice, first through Cornick and then from Pelly-Ruddock Mpanzu (Definitely cracking name of the week.) deep into stoppage time.

 

 

Lincoln vs Fleetwood - Home win

Result - Lincoln 2 Fleetwood 1

Yay!

Anthony ‘Hugh’ Scully scored twice as Lincoln City came from behind to beat Fleetwood 2-1 at the LNER Stadium.

After Danny ‘K’ Andrew put the visitors ahead, the Imps responded courtesy of Scully's brace in the final 21 minutes.

Imps keeper Josh ‘Andy’ Griffiths was kept busy in the first half, making three good saves before the visitors took the lead in spectacular fashion.

After winning a free-kick in the 32nd minute, Andrew whipped a superb effort into the top corner of the net from more than 25 yards.

Lincoln were second-best in the first half but should have taken the lead before the goal when Tom ‘Crag’ Hopper was sent clear by Scully, only to shoot straight at keeper Alex ‘Rocky’ Cairns.

Hakeeb Adelakun (Maybe that should be cracking name of the week.) was brought on at half-time and was instrumental in setting up the equaliser after 69 minutes.

He skilfully created space in midfield before finding Tayo ‘Laces’ Edun, who supplied Scully for an exquisite first-time finish into the far corner of the net.

From that moment, the Imps were in control and the second goal arrived from the penalty spot three minutes from time.

Following another good move, Edun was fouled in the box and Scully thumped home the penalty.

 

Wow. It’s a long time since we’ve won so much dosh, but don’t get carried away. I have just checked our last twelve months of betting and we are in profit... just. Over the year we have won the grand total of... fanfare please... 70 pees. Hmm. That means that, prior to our winning bets, we were down £10.50ish. Oh well, let’s have a look what The Grambler has randomly predicted this week...


Game - Result - Odds

QPR vs Barnsley - Home win - 21/20

Coventry vs Reading - Home win - 21/20

Luton vs Birmingham - Home win - Evens

Sheffield Utd vs Huddersfield - Home win - 4/6

Stoke vs Nottingham Forest - Home win - 5/6

Well, the bets are placed. Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping


£13.04


Reasonably whopping I reckon.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with last time’s five questions? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Antwerp in 1993. I began my senior career at Anderlecht, before moving to Chelsea. I then moved to Everton, scoring 53 goals in 110 appearances. After spells at Manchester United and Inter Milan, I am now back at Chelsea.

Answer - Romelu Lukaku

2. What footballer has had the most money spent on him in transfer fees?

Answer - Romelu Lukaku

3. Which Scot has scored the most Premier League goals?

Answer - Duncan Ferguson

4. Which three teams have spent just one season in the Premier League?

Answer - Swindon Town (1993-94), Barnsley (1997-98) and Blackpool (2010-11)

5. Which six Welsh teams have played in the English Football League?

Answer - Cardiff City, Swansea Town/City, Newport County, Wrexham, Merthyr Town and Aberdare Athletic.

 

Five for this week? Indeed...

1. Who am I?

I was born in 1985 in Londrino, Brazil. I began my senior career at Atlético Paranaense in 2002. I moved to Shakhtar Donetsk in 2005 and played 184 games before moving to my current Premier League club (where I am currently captain) in 2013. I have been capped 53 times for Brazil.

2. Which African nation has won gold, silver and bronze Olympic medals for men’s football?

3. Mikel Arteta, Graham Potter, Patrick Vieira, Ole Gunnar Solskjær and Steve Bruce have what Premier League-related fact in common?

4. Which outfield player appeared in the Champions League final in three different decades?

5. The fastest goal scored in Premier League history came in 7.69 seconds. Who scored it?

 

There you have it; five teasers to test you. Can you answer them without resorting to Googlie or Bung (or any other search engine, for that matter)?

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign


.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, we couldn’t let this week’s edition finish without a mention of Sean Lock, one of Britain’s most popular stand-up comedians, who has died this week aged 58. I could do the usual thegrambler.com tribute of giving a few of his gags for you to smile at. However, this item from 8 Out of 10 Cats does Countdown best illustrates his off the wall style. Ladeez and Genullum, I give you The Tiger Who Came for a Pint'.

And if that didn’t bring a big grin to your face, here is something that might, a sitcom he wrote and starred in almost 20 years back, 15 Storeys High. Here is episode one of 12, The Sofa. Hope you enjoy it.

The dance settee
(Obscure Richard Herring gag there)


 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.