Friday 31 March 2017

Week 34 - The Grambler on that Cristiano Ronaldo statuey thing


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

Did you read last week’s edition of thegrambler.com? If you did, you might have noticed that I am not too sure about bands that go on performing well beyond their expiry date. If you didn’t read it; shame on you.

Any road up, I have a confession to make. The very day I published that (g)ramble (or it might even have been the day before), I went to a concert. It was a group of guys who had once been part of the band Yes: Jon Anderson, Trevor Rabin and Rick Wakeman. Their average age is 67. Well past their sell-by date, you might assume. Indeed, vocalist Jon Anderson is 72. In any walk of life other than the business called show, he would have retired yonks ago. Well, not politics, obviously. Or the legal profession, perhaps. And being Queen. Or Pope. Those aside, I am sure you get my point.

If you have read some of my rants from way back, you will know that I do not like going to watch old musos trying to perform songs they first performed 40 plus years ago. My reasoning is simple: singers’ voices deteriorate over the years. Most of these oldies are embarrassing to watch... Elton John, Rod Stewart, Ian Anderson... Their voices are shot.

I am also less than happy that these old musicians charge a fortune for you to see them perform. As I have stated before, I much prefer going to see a tribute act and hear vocalists who can sing well and don’t charge you an arm and a leg.

So how did I end up going to a show that featured three old codgers? Well, the ticket was a Gramblemas present from Mrs G.

I have been to Rick Wakeman shows in the recent past and have enjoyed them immensely. Not only is he an extremely gifted keyboard player, he is a great raconteur. I knew, then, that I would not be disappointed by his contribution.

I was less sure about Trevor Rabin, the youngster of the outfit at 63. I really didn’t know much about his work with Yes. I think I had given up on them by the time he joined the band.

Jon Anderson though... hmm. He had a very distinctive higher-register singing voice; surely, surely, he couldn’t reach those high notes nowadays. Not at 72. No chance.

The show began with just a drummer and a bassist playing on stage. Then, Rabin and Wakeman walked on from opposite sides and embraced in the middle of the stage [Ahh. How nice. - Ed.]. But where was Anderson? Well, Rick Wakeman is one big guy (6 feet 2.5 inches or 6 feet 4 inches, depending on source - try http://www.celebheights.com/s/Rick-Wakemen-4520.html ), but his waist size must be over 60 inches. He is enormous. My first thought on seeing him was that he had eaten Jon Anderson. However, the little figure of Anderson (5 feet 5 inches) appeared on stage and the show started proper... once he had climbed onto the podium at the front of the stage... He is that little.

I really was expecting the worst. This would be like watching Jethro Tull’s Ian Anderson all over again, I told myself. In other words, I expected the vocalist to have no singing voice whatsoever. The crowd would be cheering more out of sympathy than because he was actually doing a good job. As Jon Anderson opened his mouth to sing, I was ready to squirm with embarrassment on his behalf.

Guess what. He was in excellent voice. He sounded much the same as he had done 45 years ago when the songs were first recorded. Frankly, I was amazed. By the end of the show, I was wondering just how he managed it. Absolutely marvellous, I thought. All in all, a great show.

So does this change my opinion about going to see old musicians trying to produce the sound they did many years ago? No. I went to this show because the (rather expensive) ticket was bought for me as a gift. I would still rather go to see four tribute acts than go and see the original acts once.

This show was exceptional in that the singer still had a fine voice; most shows are disappointing by comparison. I would much rather hear the original recordings and watch shows made at an artist’s peak than have my memories spoiled.

By the way, Trevor Rabin is 6 feet 3 inches tall.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

So what is the football story everyone is (perhaps) talking about this week? Trying to work out who this bust is meant to be...

 
 

What do you reckon? A dead ringer for... ermm. If you haven’t already read the story, it is supposed to be a likeness of Cristiano Ronaldo. Do you know something? If you stare at it for long enough, eventually you will see that it is almost exactly nothing like him. I’ve tried half closing my eyes. Nope. Still nothing like him.  Apparently, the sculptor has tried to defend his work.  Apologise for it, more like... As Rowley Birkin QC might have said, 'I was very drunk at the time.'

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 1st of April? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Otto von Bismarck 1815 (First Chancellor of the German Empire. Him they named the ship after.), Sergei Rachmaninoff 1873 (Russian composer. Here’s his most famous piece. Apologies for the schmaltzy video.), Edgar Wallace 1875 (Orfer. Wrote Four Just Men and J.G.Reeder novels and is credited with the creation of King Kong although he died before the film script was complete.), Lon Chaney 1883 (The man of a thousand faces.), Wallace Beery 1885 (Actor. Was first choice to play the wizard in the Wizard of Oz.), Clemantine Churchill 1885 (Winnie’s wife.), Cicely Courtneidge 1893 (Played Reg Varney’s mum in the first series of On the Buses.), Ferenc Puskas 1927 (Footy bloke. Scored 84 goals in 85 appearances for Hungary.), Jane Powell 1929 (Actress. Married to Howard Keel. Not really. But he was her ‘beau’ in this film.), George Baker 1931 (Inspector Wexford.), Debbie Reynolds 1932 (Actress. Married to Gene Kelly. Not really. But he was her ‘beau’ in this film.), Ali McGraw 1939 (Actress. Married to Ryan O’Neal. Not really. But he was her ‘beau’ in this film.), Carole White 1943 (Cathy who was implored to come home.), Ronnie Lane 1946 (A Small Face. Another clip? Here is The Poacher.), Jimmy Cliff 1947 (Singer. Time for another clip... Here's The Harder They Come.), Sammy Nelson 1949 (Footy bloke.), Gil Scott-Heron 1949 (The Revolution Will Not Be Televised.), Arnold Sidebottom 1954 (Footy and crickety bloke with a brill name.), David Gower 1957 (Crickety bloke.), Susan Boyle 1961 (Subo! Subo! Want a clip?  Why not? ), Philip Schofield 1962 (The Silver Fox.), Chris Evans 1966 (The Ginger T*ss*r.), Dean Windass 1969 (Footy bloke with flatulence problem.), Karen Dunbar 1971 (Comedienne. It says here. Don’t mention the Commonwealth Games opening ceremony. Just... don’t.), Clarence Seedorf 1976 (Footy bloke. The only man to have won the Champions League with three different clubs.) and Beth Tweddle 1985 (Gynasticky bloke.).

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did we do last week? Slightly worse than last week. We ‘won’ 54 pees. What happened? Read on...

 

 

Accrington vs Grimsby - Prediction Home win

Result - Accrington 1 Grimsby 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Shay McCartan rescued a point for Accrington with a late free-kick. McCartan fired home from 20 yards in the 89th minute.

Grimsby had looked on course for victory thanks to substitute Akwasi Asante's goal in the 70th minute.

Stanley had hit the woodwork twice prior to that with defender Harvey Rodgers firing a long-range effort against a post and Matty Pearson rattling the crossbar with a long-range strike.

Dutchman Asante, a 57th-minute replacement for Scott Vernon, almost claimed a winner in the second minute of added time when he was denied by a superb save from Aaron Chapman.

 

Blackpool vs Hartlepool - Prediction Home win

Result - Blackpool 2 Hartlepool 1

Yay!

The visitors led after 18 minutes when Lewis Alessandra capitalised on some hesitant Blackpool defending and fired the ball home from 15 yards.

Blackpool midfielder Osayi-Samuel quickly levelled things up with a cool finish moments later.

The hosts had Dean Lyness to thank for keeping Hartlepool at bay before half-time, denying first Lewis Hawkins and then Padraig Amond, and then acrobatically tipping over Alessandra's shot.

Lyness denied Amond again after the break before substitute Kyle Vassell's cross-shot looped over Joe Fryer and into the far corner from the tightest of angles.

 

Crawley vs Leyton Orient - Prediction Home win

Result - Crawley 3 Orient 0

Yay!

James Collins swooped to give Crawley the lead with his 20th goal of the season midway through the first half.

The former Shrewsbury striker struck by heading in a free-kick from Josh Payne and, although keeper Sam Sargeant got a hand to the ball, it flew into the corner of the net.

Crawley took a firm grip of the game by scoring twice in the space of four minutes before the interval.

Defender Joe McNerney rose unchallenged to head home a Payne free-kick from 12 yards on 29 minutes and then, from an Andre Blackman set-piece, Dutch midfielder Enzio Boldewijn forced the ball home.

 

Exeter vs Yeovil - Prediction Home win

Result - Exeter 3 Yeovil 3

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Exeter City astonishingly battled back from 3-0 down in the 88th minute to earn an unlikely draw at home to West Country rivals Yeovil Town.

After a relatively quiet, goalless first hour, Yeovil stormed into a three-goal lead as Francois Zoko slotted home before Shaylon Harrison and Alex Lacey both headed in.

Anything but a Glovers win still seemed unlikely even when David Wheeler drilled in off the post with less than two minutes of normal time remaining.

However, in stoppage time, first Troy Brown headed in to make it 3-2 before Reuben Reid smashed in Jack Stacey's cross at the far post to equalise amid delirium at St James Park.

 

Wycombe vs Notts County - Prediction Home win

Result - Wycombe 0 Notts County 1

Boo!

Both sides traded chances in a frenetic opening with County’s Jon Stead forcing a brilliant save from Jamal Blackman, before Luke O'Nien blazed an effort over from seven yards for Wycombe.

The midfielder was then denied a goal by a terrific block by Richard Duffy and it proved a crucial intervention as County scored from their next attack when Shola Ameobi rattled a shot in via the post, following some brilliant work by Stead.

So, two right, one wrong and two near misses for The Grambler, can he/she/it improve on that this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Bristol Rovers vs Shrewsbury - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Fleetwood Town vs Swindon - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Millwall vs Scunthorpe - Prediction Home win - 19/20

Rochdale vs Northampton - Prediction Home win - 17/20

Southend vs Oldham - Prediction Home win - 17/20

 

All matches kick off at 3pm on Saturday the 1st of April. The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£11.16

That is highly whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you who was the Scottish international also represented his country at Squash, volleyball and golf? The answer is Captain Scarlet lookalike Alan Hansen.

Too easy? Try this one. Liverpool play Everton this weekend, so here is a suitably Liverpudlian teaser for you. Which player has scored the most times in a Liverpool derby? Easy? Mibbees aye, mibbees naw. That isn’t a clue. It wasn’t King Kenny.

 

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to birthday celebrant Ms K. Dunbar who ends this week’s (g)ramble with her cheesy tribute act Almost Angelic. So bad, it’s good (almost).

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday 25 March 2017

Week 33 - Happy grambleday to Elton John


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

This week’s (g)ramble is likely to cause outrage among some music lovers...

Do you ever listen to a singer or band and ask the question ‘Why’? Not why am I listening, but why did this act ever become famous. I don’t mean acts that are newly famous, either. I am talking about those acts which have been at the top for donkey’s years but you don’t know why. Hence the question ‘Why’.

One act which fits into this category (in my opinion, anyway) is the Rolling Stones. I can imagine all you Stones fans sharpening your typing finger in readiness to complain, but bear with me. [Behhhh! - Ed.] That’s not what I meant. I will explain. Here goes the ill-informed history lesson...

In the late 1950s most of the music we in Britain could listen to was pretty much determined by the Beeb Beeb Ceeb. How so, I hear you ask. Well, the British Broadcorping Casteration had the monopoly of radio stations. There were three: the Light Programme, the Home Service and the Third Programme. The Home service covered serious discussion and news programmes plus it had plays and trivial panel game type stuff - basically it was what is now Radio 4. The Third Programme was more highbrow and covered classical music and serious drama. It became Radio 3 (although it lost much of the drama and concentrated more on the classical music). The Light Programme was the populist channel; it had popular music and popular comedy. When the BBC numbering system came along, it became Radio 2 but lost most of the none music stuff to Radio 4.

Anyway, this is getting ahead of things. In the fifties, the playlist for music on the Light Programme was determined by the Beeb’s programme producers and was designed to be popular, but innocuous. So, in the mid-fifties, when rock and roll began to gain popularity, the Beeb pretty much ignored it.

So, how did rock and roll gain any kind of following in Britain? That was down to a station known as Radio Luxemburg, a station that wasn’t, officially, available to British listeners. However, during the night-time (for a reason I don’t understand; possibly associated with magic) the signal from this music station based in Luxemburg was strong enough that its output could be heard (just) in Britain. Even with the signal being weak and coming and going, Brits were aware that the music being played was a bit more adventurous than the stuff being played by the Beeb. Thus we Brits heard the likes of Elvis Presley, Bill Haley and his Comets and their ilk thanks to Luxo.

However, the output was still fairly conservative and some entrepreneurial individuals realised that this new-fangled rock and roll was but a pale imitation of the real rhythm and blues music of the U S of A. Indeed, it was a very pale imitation as very little music from black musicians was ever played. However, some small record shops started to sell the authentic black American music.

Then, as now, music afficionados liked to acquire material that is different; things that no-one else is likely to have. It is snobbery, of course, but there were people who felt a sense of superiority if they owned this black music.

Okay, let’s now get on to the Rolling Stones. Brian Jones was a keen collector of records by black American blues artists and, as he could play guitar, he tried to copy them. Mick Jagger and Dick Taylor, also fans of this authentic music, began jamming in an American bluesy way and were soon joined by Mick’s old school friend, Keith Richards who was also an afficionado of blues. Somehow Jones linked up with them and the nucleus of the Stones was formed. After a couple of personnel changes, the Rolling Stones became the band that secured a record deal and went on to have hit after hit after hit... etc. That is, very briefly, how it happened.

So the Rolling Stones produced what was perceived to be American blues music. Correct? To us Brits, this was fairly authentic sounding and we certainly took to them in a big way. But then a curious thing happened. They went to the US of A and performed this white working/middle class Brits’ attempt at blues to the Americans. It wouldn’t have seemed odd to me if the American folk had looked at these five Brits pretending to be black American musicians and told them where to go. But instead, they were embraced by the US as if this was the real thing. I mean black American blues, not the Amoo brothers’ band the Real Thing... or indeed Coke.

And this brings me to my original question. Why? Why were they lauded in this way? Look at footage of the early Stones’ and they look ludicrous. What did Mick Jagger think he was when he was rattling his maracas and pouting for the camera? Listen to them and, yes they sound American, but Jagger was no great shakes as a singer and the musicianship of the band was nothing to write home about. Why on Earth did the Yanks love them? I think it stems from the fact that the US people seemed to like any British acts at that time. The Beatles paved the way and were joined by such great acts as the marvellous Dave Clark Five, the fantastic Chad Everett and Jeremy Clyde, the Terrific Peter and Gordon and the pants-wettingly brilliant Herman’s Hermits. Basically, any sh*t* from Britain seemed to succeed.

Unlike many other acts though, the Stones had staying power. Yes Jagger and Richard penned some reasonably memorable songs in the 60s, but by the 70s the new material was becoming a bit...well... samey. By the mid 70s, the hits had virtually dried up and yet, here we are 40 years later and they can still tour and sell out arenas. Good luck to them. They are all in their 70s now (except youngster Ronnie Wood, 69) and they are still performing.

I just don’t get it. Having seen live performances by them, I cannot understand the reason for their success. Frontman Jagger isn’t, and never was, a great singer. His posturing and moving on stage is hardly graceful. The rest of the band can best be described as jobbing musicians; their playing being fairly straightforward.

And before you get all precious about them and say I’m talking crap, I will tell you that I was quite keen on the music they produced in the mid to late sixties. Jagger and Richards aka the Glimmer Twins aka Nanker and Phelge wrote some rather good toons, I thought. I just cannot understand how a fairly ordinary band can still be so popular given that they have produced little of relevance for over 40 years.

Just don’t get me started on the ’Oo.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember Mario Balotelli? The Italian striker who obviously cites Paul Gascoigne as one of his greatest influences? It’s hard to decide who is further off the wall. Anyway, he was in the news again this week. However, this time he wasn’t setting fireworks off in his house, or totalling a brand new car, or handing out wads of cash to tramps. And he wasn’t being fined a six figure sum for throwing darts at a youth team. No. He missed the first two minutes of last week’s game between Nice and Lille. Is that all? Why was that, I hear you all ask. The reason was that he had difficulty untying his shoelaces. Jeezo. Has he never heard of velcro? Very popular on shoes for those of a similar intellect... pre-school aged kids.

 

 
Balotelli pays homage to Nick Park
 
 
.....oooOooo.....
 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 25th of March? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Bela Bartok 1881 (Composer.), Ed Begley 1901 (Leave it to Larry.), Binnie Barnes 1903 (Ectress. Married to Charles Laughton. Not really. She was Katherine Howard to his Henry VIII.), A J P Taylor 1906 (The Macaulay of our age.), David Lean 1908 (Film director. Married six times. Unlike Henry, didn’t have any heads chopped off.), Benzion Netanyahu 1910 (Bless you.), Reo Stakis 1913 (Restaurant owner and, for our US readers, not a type of truck.), Patrick Troughton 1920 (The best Doctor Who.), Simone Signoret 1921 (Joe Lampton’s bird.), Jim Lovell 1928 (Spaceman. Went to the moon twice but not on missions that actually landed.), Humphrey Burton 1931 (classical music television presenter, broadcaster, TV director, producer, impresario, lecturer and biographer of musicians. In fact, a right old smarty boots.), Penelope Gilliatt 1932 (Outside Ian Fleming’s orbit.), Johnny Burnette 1934 (Murcan singer. Time for a link. Take it away Johnny... Dreamin... ), Hoyt Axton 1938 (Murcan singer/songwriter. Wrote this which was a hit for Three Dog Night.  All together now...  Jeremiah was a bullfrog... ), Aretha Franklin 1942 (Queen of soul.  Another link, vicar? ), Richard O’Brien 1942 (Want a clip from his most famous creation?  All together now... It's astounding... ), Kim Woodburn 1943 (Charlady.), Paul Michael Glaser 1943 (Starsky.), Reg Dwight 1947 (You know him better as Spanish singer El Tonjon. [Ha bl**dy ha. - Ed.] A link?  Did I mention the 'Oo? ), Steve Norman 1960 (A fifth of Spandau Ballet. What? Another clip?  Go on, then. ), Sarah Jessica Parker 1965 (Murcan actress. Why the long face?), Jeff Healey 1968 (Singer/geetarist. Surely not another link? Yeah? Okay.  Here's Jeff Holding on. ), Cathie Dennis 1968 (Singer/songwriter/actress. Did you know she wrote Wannabe, the Spice Girls’ first hit? Well, she did. And guess what. I’m not giving you a link. I do try to maintain some standards.), Phil O’Donnell 1972 (I can’t just say footy bloke on this occasion. I was there on the 29th of December 2007. Saddest football moment ever, for me.), Melanie Blatt 1975 (An All Saint. Yet another clip?  And why not? ) and Scott Sinclair 1989 (Footy bloke.).

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did we do last week? Not quite as badly as the week before. We did get some money back, so it must count as a win of sorts. 62 pees. That’s all we won. What happened? Read on...

 

Birmingham vs Newcastle - Prediction Away win

Result - Birmingham 0 Newcastle 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Matt Ritchie nearly opened the scoring in the first half when he beat Blues keeper Tomasz Kuszczak, but Ryan Shotton got back to clear.

Ritchie had a goal ruled out for offside and Kuszczak saved from Dwight Gayle's header as Newcastle dominated.

Kuszczak made a low stop to deny Ritchie, while Lukas Jutkiewicz had Blues' only shot on target late on.

Jutkiewicz also fired wide twice from good positions for the hosts, while Craig Gardner had a shot deflected wide from long range.

 

Fulham vs Wolves - Prediction Home win

Result - Fulham 1 Wolves 3

Boo!

Ivan Cavaleiro turned in Helder Costa's cross from close range to give Wolves a half-time lead.

Andreas Weimann doubled their advantage with a left-foot shot from the edge of the box before Denis Odoi pulled one back with a deflected effort.

But Dave Edwards tucked home another Costa cross to seals Wolves' win.

 

Norwich vs Barnsley - Prediction Home win

Result - Norwich 2 Barnsley 0

Yay!

Jacob Murphy fired in his 10th goal of the season from inside the box to give the Canaries the lead at the break.

Adam Hammill, Angus MacDonald and Marley Watkins all went close for the visitors after the restart.

Norwich then stretched their lead thanks to a MacDonald own goal.

 

Bolton vs Northampton - Prediction Home win

Result - Bolton 2 Northampton 1

Yay!

Michael Smith scored for Northampton after 57 minutes, from a superb free-kick by Matt Taylor.

Taylor was involved again in Bolton's controversial 75th-minute equaliser when adjudged to have handled David Wheater's header by referee Richard Clark.

Adam Le Fondre thumped home from the penalty spot to bring the teams level.

Northampton’s keeper, Adam Smith, came to Town's rescue moments later, tipping over Darren Pratley's header.

Andrew Taylor provided the assist for Bolton’s second with a fiercely-driven cross to Filipe Morais who slid in at the far post.

There was time for even more controversy when John-Joe O'Toole thought he had equalised in the final minute of stoppage time but his effort was disallowed for offside.

 

Peterborough vs Oldham - Prediction Home win

Result - Peterborough 1 Oldham 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Ex-Motherwell striker, Lee Erwin volleyed in an Oliver Banks cross after 11 minutes to make the most of a rare Oldham attack in a first half dominated by the hosts.

They succeeded in holding onto their advantage until the 73rd minute when two Posh replacements combined to great effect.

Half-time arrival Marcus Maddison delivered a stunning cross from the left which was headed in by Junior Morias, who had been brought on after an hour.

 

Oh well. Back to the drawing board. What has The Grambler got up his/her/its silicon chips this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Accrington vs Grimsby - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Blackpool vs Hartlepool - Prediction Home win - 8/13

Crawley vs Leyton Orient - Prediction Home win - 13/20

Exeter vs Yoevil - Prediction Home win - 13/20

Wycombe vs Notts County - Prediction Home win - 19/20

All matches kick off at 3pm on Saturday the 25th of March. The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£9.41

Actually, that isn’t particularly whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I told you that in the past five seasons all but one PFA Young Player of the Year awards have gone to Tottenham Hotspur players and asked you who was the only non-Spurs player to have been given the accolade. The answer was Chelsea’s Eden Hazard in season 2013-14. Incidentally, the four Spurs players were Kyle Walker 2011-12, Gareth Bale 2012-13, Harry Kane 2014-15 and Dele Alli 2015-16.

One for this week? Here’s a good un. Which Scottish international also represented his country at Squash, volleyball and golf?

 

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, this week the music world lost one of the few black artists to have had musical success in the 1950s. Chuck Berry passed away this week aged 90. I might have done a wee biography of him this week, but I did that when he celebrated his 88th birthday (see http://www.thegrambler.com/2014/10/week-11-grambling-along-in-my-automobile.html). However, I think a link to my own favourite Chuck Berry track is in order. Ladeez and gennulum, let’s finish this week’s (g)ramble with his 1958 hit Johnny B. Goode.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday 17 March 2017

Week 32 - Last week Barca, this week The Grambler on Monaco


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

Council Efficiency - Part 1

Yesterday morning a council van arrived on the street and parked directly opposite my house. This was about half past eight. There were two workers in the cab. Somebody's keen, I thought to myself. After watching them for ten minutes, I realised that they weren't particularly keen. The driver had settled down to read his paper and his mate was munching his way through some sandwiches, the crusts of which he dropped out of the van window. They were still sitting in the same position at half past nine. The crusts and the van occupants. Seriously. They had sat for one hour and not moved out of the van.
At half past nine, there was some activity. The guy in the passenger seat got out and pulled on his overalls. He then walked up the path of the house opposite and knocked on the door. There was no reply. After waiting a minute or two, he got back into the van. A quarter of an hour passed. Then there was some more activity. Both men got out of the van. The driver put on his overalls while the other stood watching. They then both put on some kind of harness things and hard hats. After a few minutes of chatting to each other, they began to haul a tarpaulin off the cargo area. They then stood chatting with each other for a few more minutes before starting to haul various pieces of scaffolding off the truck and then carry them round to the rear of the house. By now it was ten o'clock.
When the truck was empty they replaced the tarpaulin and removed their protective gear. At a quarter past ten, they drove away.
At half past ten another identical vehicle arrived. It had more scaffolding on it. The two guys in this vehicle didn't seem too concerned about safety and just hauled a few bits of scaffolding off the truck and carried it round to the back of the house. That van was only there for about five minutes when it was off again.
At about eleven o'clock the first van came back with the same/original guys in it. Again, they sat in their cab for about a quarter of an hour before climbing out and donning their overalls and safety gear. After the usual ten minute chin wag, they walked round to the back of the house. Whatever they were doing, took them less than half an hour because at ten to twelve, they returned to the van, removed the safety gear and were gone. It must have been lunch time. Did they return after lunch? Did they f... no they didn't. Presumably, whatever job they had been there to do was complete. So the whole morning consisted of about one hour of actual work while the rest of the time was spent chatting, reading newspapers and eating food.

Council Efficiency - Part 2

A few months ago there was much activity around the streets of Polomint City as council ‘cherry picker’ vehicles arrived. Every street lamp was being altered from sodium vapour lights to light emitting diode type. It was a simple enough job, it seemed.

Before long, all the lights in the area were converted. On this occasion, it appeared, the council workers weren’t hanging about and got the lamps converted pretty damn quickly. So what is the point of this (g)ramble? Read on...

A couple of weeks after converting all the lamps in the street where I live [Isn’t that a song? - Ed.], more council workers appeared in vans and pick-up trucks. Why? To replace the old lamp-posts witth shiny new ones. Honest. I am not winding you up here. That is exactly what happened. Two weeks after being upgraded, all the old lamp-posts were ripped out.

Not quite all. At the end of the street there is still one of the old lamp-posts. Did they forget to replace it? No, three feet away from it is a brand-spanking new lamp-post. The old post doesn’t have a light on it any more. So why is it still there? I’ll tell you. It has a little metal plate with the street name attached to it. I am guessing that another department within the sprawling council deals with street name signs so, rather than move the plaque to the new lamp-post, it has presumably been left for another team to come and sort out.

Why am I telling you this? Is it because I am shocked that council employees are not the most productive? Definitely not. I think it is a given that council workers tend to be less than speedy about their business. Is it because the council is wasteful in its use of resources? Again, I must answer no. I think that this is also a given. No, my reason for mentioning this is that there has recently been a news item about councils insisting that there be an increase in council tax (rates in old money) to ensure that services are maintained! Sorry pardon excuse me? Really? They are suggesting that services could get worse? Impossible, surely. [Don't call me Shirley. - Ed.]

All this (g)rambling has reminded me of an old joke which sums up council thinking...

A man is sitting at his front window (not me this time) looking out at the main road which runs past his house. He sees a council van draw up and two workers emerge. Each carries a spade. One begins to dig a hole in the grass verge. He then moves on a few yards and starts to dig another, similar hole. Meanwhile, the second worker takes his shovel and fills in the first hole. The first worker moves on and digs a third hole and the second guy fills in the second hole. This digging and filling in routine continues for some time before our observer can take it no more and goes out to confront these two, in his mind, idiots.

‘What the hell are you playing at? One of you digs a hole and the other fills it in? It doesn’t make sense.’

‘Well, there are usually three of us, but the fellow that puts the trees in the holes is off today.’

Boom and, I think it goes without saying, tish.

.....oooOooo.....

 

Last week it was Barca that had a terrific comeback to qualify for the quarter finals of the Champions League; this week it was Monaco who staged a brilliant comeback. Although you perhaps wouldn’t have realised it. You see, Monaco staged their comeback against a British (sorry, English) team. And? It was typical of the British (sorry, English) sports commentators that after this week’s Monaco vs Manchester City game, with Monaco clawing back a two goal deficit from the first leg to qualify for the quarter finals, all they could talk about was Manchester City not qualifying and how manager Pep Guardiola had never before had a team he had coached not qualify for the quarter final stage. There was little or no praise for the fact that Monaco, against the odds, had managed to qualify. Come on gramblerinis, let’s hear it for Monaco. They deserve some of the plaudits heaped on Barca last week... I wonder if Barcelona would have received such praise last week if they had beaten a British (sorry, English) team. Probably not.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 18th of March? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov 1844 (Composer. He wrote Der Hummelflug. Sorry pardon excuse me?  This. ), Rudolf Diesel 1858 (Inventor of, go on, have a guess.), Neville Chamberlain 1869 (I have in my hand a piece of paper.), Edward Everett Horton 1886 (Actor - appeared in 121 films in a career lasting from1922 til 1970.), Wilfred Owen 1893 (Poet - If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood / Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs, / Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud / Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues, - / My friend, you would not tell with such high zest / To children ardent for some desperate glory, / The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est / Pro patria mori.), Robert Donat 1905 (Founder of Krispy Kreme.), Peter Graves 1926 (Joey, do you like films about gladiators?), John Fraser 1931 (Ectaw. Always played posh English blokes but was actually a Glaswegian.), John Updike 1932 (Orfer. Witches of Eastwick. That was one of his.), F. W. de Klerk 1936 (The larst survahving Stite Prisidunt of Sarth Ifrica.), Kenny ‘Kipper’ Lynch 1938 (Popular singer from the early sixties. Want a link? Here’s Kenny singing Movin Away. ), Timo Makinen 1938 (The Flying Finn.), Charley Pride 1938 (We’ve never catered for fans of country and western, so here is Charley with Crystal Chandeliers.), Ron Atkinson 1939 (Aka Big Orange Ron.), Wilson Pickett 1941 (Aka The Wicked Pickett. Time for another link? Okay, if you insist. Here he is In the Midnight Hour. ), Kevin Dobson 1943 (Kojak’s sidekick.), David Lloyd 1947 (Crickety bloke.), Pat Eddery 1952 (Horse racey bloke.), Jeff Stelling 1955 (Unbelievable, Jeff!), Ingemar Stenmark 1956 (Came down mountains quicker than anyone else.), Luc Besson 1959 (Film director, producer and screenwriter. Trivia: he wanted to be a marine biologist until a diving accident at the age of 17 stopped him.), Irene Cara 1959 (Probably doesn’t really believe she’ll live forever.), Courtney Pine 1964 (Saxophonist/clarinetist. Hey, let’s have another link, to another genre... Jehzzzz... Here is Courtney with Sacrifice. ), Dana Elaine Owens 1970 (Who? You perhaps know her better as rapper, songwriter, singer, actress, model, record producer, television producer, talk show host and right old smarty boots Queen Latifah.) and Danny Murphy 1977 (Footy bloke.).

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did we do last week? Absolute rubbish. Didn’t get a penny piece back. What happened? Read on...

 

Cardiff vs Birmingham - Prediction Home win

Result - Cardiff 1 Birmingham 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Joe Ralls' second-half penalty put the hosts ahead, after Sean Morrison had been fouled by Ryan Shotton.

Birmingham salvaged a point in the 89th minute as ex-Motherwell man Lukas Jutkiewicz bundled in a rebound after his header was saved.

 

Leeds vs QPR - Prediction Home win

Result - Leeds 0 QPR 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Rob Green made a fine first-half save on his 600th league appearance to help Leeds extend their unbeaten run to six games with a goalless draw against QPR.

The 37-year-old ex-England keeper crucially denied Conor Washington after the striker turned into space in the 14th minute to race clear on goal.

 

Newcastle vs Fulham - Prediction Home win

Result - Newcastle 1 Fulham 3

Boo!

16-year-old Ryan Sessegnon slotted in Sone Aluko's backheel after the break and then fired home just before the hour mark.

Tom Cairney had put Fulham ahead with a 25-yard strike into the top corner.

After Daryl Murphy curled in a consolation for the hosts, Tim Ream missed a chance to make it 4-1 when he sent a stoppage-time penalty wide.

 

Norwich vs Blackburn - Prediction Home win

Result - Norwich 2 Blackburn 2

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Cameron Jerome put Norwich ahead early on when he slid the ball past keeper Jason Steele, who had half blocked an attempt by Josh Murphy.

Mitchell Dijks' was sent off soon after for a foul on Martin Emnes, but it took until midway through the second half for Blackburn to strike back.

Substitute Lucas Joao put the visitors back on level terms in the 73rd minute as he converted from Connor Mahoney's cross before then giving them the lead as he headed in from Danny Graham's delivery.

But Jerome joined the Portugal international in claiming a brace as he latched on to Murphy's pass to make it 2-2 at full time.

 

Luton vs Stevenage - Prediction Home win

Result - Luton 0 Stevenage 2

Boo!!!!

The visitors led from their first attack, defender Luke Wilkinson heading home from a corner after just three minutes.

Luton almost equalised after 10 minutes, but Pelly Ruddock's header was cleared off the line by Jack King.

Ben Kennedy almost took advantage of a poor free-kick from goalkeeper Matt Macey, chipping over the top.

Chris Day denied Isaac Vassell and the Stevenage stopper then tipped over Dan Potts' deflected effort, while Charlie Lee put a good chance over.

Steven Schumacher cleared Danny Hylton's header off the line, and Vassell's attempt in the 66th minute went just wide.

Day made a superb stop from Ollie Palmer's close-range header late on, and Stevenage clinched victory when Kennedy smashed an effort into the top corner.

 

Well, that was a rubbish week of predictions from The Grambler. Can he/she/it do better this week. I blibbing well hope so.

Game - Result - Odds

Birmingham vs Newcastle - Prediction Away win - 3/4

Fulham vs Wolves - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Norwich vs Barnsley - Prediction Home win - 4/6

Bolton vs Northampton - Prediction Home win - 5/6

Peterborough vs Oldham - Prediction Home win - 10/11

 

All matches kick off at 3pm on Saturday the 18th of March. The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£10.08

A whole seven pees less whopping than last week..

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked which African has scored the highest number of Premiershit goals. I said it was an easy one and so it was given that he had already been mentioned in last week’s birthday honours. The answer was Didier Drogba who scored 104 goals. Emmanuel Adebayor came second with 97 goals, closely followed by Yakubu on 95. Orl right pop pickers?

One for this week? In the past five seasons all but one PFA Young Player of the Year awards have gone to Tottenham Hotspur players; who was the only non-Spurs player to have been given the accolade?

 

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Mr R. Atkinson, a football manager with a... erm... unique way with words...

‘They’ve done the old-fashioned things well; they’ve kicked the ball, they’ve headed it…

‘I’ve had this sneaking feeling throughout the game that it’s there to be won.’

‘Woodcock would have scored, but his shot was too perfect.’

‘They must go for it now as they have nothing to lose but the match.’

‘Now Manchester United are 2-1 down on aggregate, they are in a better position than when they started the game at 1-1.’

‘Beckenbauer has really gambled all his eggs.’

‘Tony Adams – he’s the rock that the team has grown from.’

‘He sliced the ball when he had it on a plate.’

‘Someone in the England team will have to grab the ball by the horns.’

‘They’ve picked their heads up off the ground and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders.’

‘He’s treading on dangerous water there…

‘Chelsea look like they’ve got a couple more gears left in the locker.’

‘There’s a little triangle – five left-footed players.’

‘For me the book’s still open on Totti.’

‘You think he’d chance his hat there.’

‘Liverpool are outnumbered numerically in midfield.’

‘I would also think that the replay showed it to be worse than it actually was.’

‘He’s not only a good player, but he’s spiteful in the nicest sense of the word.’

‘The keeper was unsighted – he still didn’t see it.’

‘You half fancied that to go in as it was rising and dipping at the same time.’

‘That was Pele’s strength – holding people off with his arm.’

‘I wouldn’t say Ginola is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better.’

‘Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.’

‘City will want to win this one.’

‘Moreno thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard.’

‘There’s lots of balls dropping off people.’

‘Ever time Zidane comes inside, Roberto Carlos just goes bonking down the wing.’

‘He dribbles a lot and the opposition don’t like it – you can see it all over their faces.’

‘Zidane is not very happy, because he’s suffering from the wind.’

‘Stoichkov’s playing on the wing, in this situation he likes to come in and scalp the centre-half.’

‘I think Sir Alex might have been thinking about pulling Giggsy off… but that might be an incentive to stay on.’

‘I never comment on referees and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.’

‘A ten-foot keeper really should have stopped that.’

‘They’ve come out at half time and gone bang.’

‘The lad throws it further than I go on holiday.’

‘..and Schmeichel extends and grows even bigger than he is.’

‘I think that was a moment of cool panic there.’

 
 

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday 10 March 2017

Week 31 - The Grambler on Barcelona


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

All righty. When did that start? It happens all the time. Whenever anybody is completing a bit of business in a shop/bank/other emporium of choice, they finish with the words all righty? Why? What’s wrong with all right? Who started this all righty lark? What is happening to our language?

Guys. That’s another one I hate. You go to a restaurant and the waiter shows you to your table all the while calling you guys. I do not like be addressed as guys... I like the subservient sir and madam.

Enjoy. I hate that. When I am presented with a meal I don’t want the waiter to say enjoy. Don’t you order me about, young man. Strangely, I am happy with the statement ‘enjoy your meal’, which is still an order when you think about it.

What really bugs me though, is not a slackening of language but a slackening of manners. When I buy something in a shop I like to be noticed. How do you mean, I hear you ask. Imagine you are in a clothes shop, say. You have chosen what you want to buy and have taken it to a pay desk. Sometimes there are several such desks with a sales assistant at each. How many times have you gone to pay and, while the assistant is scanning the items, she (it is always a she) is chatting away to the sales assistant next to her? It is as if you just aren’t there. It does my nut in, it really does. To me, it is rudeness, plain and simple.

Another thing that annoys me... don’t stop me now, I’m on a roll... is when you are in a supermarket or any shop that is full of aisles and you haven’t got a clue where to find an item. So, you look for a member of staff to help you. The first problem is actually finding anyone. Yetis are sighted more often. Yeti... Bigfoot... Sasquatch or whatever you call it in your neck of the woods. The point I am trying to make is that staff members are pretty scarce when you are looking for them. Any road up, you finally track someone down. Usually they come in pairs. And, surprise surprise, they are talking to each other. You stand and wait for one of these individuals to notice you. But no, they just carry on talking to one another as if you didn’t exist. So you clear your throat in the hope that this will make them acknowledge you. At last, one of them looks in your direction, although the look is pretty disdainful. ‘I wonder if you could help me. I’m looking for (insert product of choice here).’

You then get a one or two word answer like ‘None’ or ‘Aisle nine’ before this sour-faced ignorant sod goes back to his/her conversation which is obviously more important than actually doing the fn job he/she is fn well paid to do!!!

Sorry. Getting a bit carried away there. Oh yes. Bring back the time when shop assistants (Do you see that? Assistant. It comes from the verb to assist.) were helpful. Bring back the time when you were given their undivided attention whenever you were making a purchase. Bring back the time when they b****y well knew their place.

By gum! Think I need to go for a lie down.

And gum. I can’t abide shop assistants chewing gum.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

I am sure you know all about this week’s big football story: Barcelona vs Paris Saint-Germain in the second leg of the Champions League last sixteen round. PSG had a 4 goal advantage from the first leg, so, barring a miracle from Barca, they were expected to progress to the quarter final stage. After Barca won the game 6 - 1, I am sure a goodly proportion of the 96 thousand in the crowd would attest that they had witnessed a miracle on Wednesday night. It was the greatest ever comeback in a European competition.

Local boy Sergi Roberto scored the decisive goal with the last kick of the ball. If you perform miracles, you might get canonised. [What?  Like in snooker? - Ed.]  Ahem.  Saint Sergi; it’s got a ring to it.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 11th of March? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Malcolm Campbell 1885 (Speed record bloke, not the fruit shop owner.), Jessie Matthews 1907 (I’m terribly worried about Jim.), Harold Wilson 1916 (Prime minister a Gannex mac mannequin.), Louise Brough 1923 (Tennisy bloke.), David Gentleman 1930 (Stamp designer. Here’s one of his),




Rupert Murdoch 1931 (Rich bloke. Ranked 96th richest person in the world. Forbes list ‘Rupert Murdoch and family’ as the 35th most powerful person in the world. [Wha? - Ed.].), Nigel Lawson 1932 (Climate change denialist.), Harvey Mandel 1945 (Geetarist. Here is your first link this week. Ladeez and gennulum enjoy The Snake.), Jan Schelhaas 1948 (Keyboard player for Caravan and Camel. Another link? Go on, then. Here is Jan doing the keyboardy stuff on Camel’s Remote Romance.), Bobby McFerrin 1950 (Here’s a little song I wrote.), Jerry Zucker 1950 (Film producer, director and writer. Wrote the line... ‘Surely, you can’t be serious.’ ‘I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.’ Yay!), Douglas Adams 1952 (So long and thanks for all the fish.), Alex Kingston 1963(’Er in ER.), Shane Richie 1964 (Alfie Moon.), Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen 1965 (Great, super, smashing. What do you mean, that was Jim?), John Barrowman 1967 (Torchwood bloke.), Lisa Loeb 1968 (Singer, actress and Sarah Palin lookalike. Here’s another link... Stay (I missed you).), Johnny Knoxville 1971 (A bit of a jackass.), Didier Drogba 1978 (Footy bloke who falls down a lot.), Jack Rodwell 1991 (Footy bloke.) and Andrew Robertson 1994 (Footy bloke who has the distinction of actually knowing The Grambler [Unlucky sod. - Ed.].)

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did we do last week? We won. Yay! No. Not quite yay. We actually got £1.95 back from our £2.20 stake, so we lost 25 pees. What happened? Read on...

 

 

Derby vs Barnsley -Prediction Home win

Result - Derby 2 Barnsley 1

Yay!

The visitors went ahead when the Rams failed to deal with Marc Roberts' long throw and midfielder Matty James headed home.

The lead lasted only two minutes as Tom Ince fired into the net after Barnsley's defence failed to clear.

Ince then hit the post before David Nugent struck with the help of a deflection.

 

Fulham vs Preston -Prediction Home win

Result - Fulham 3 Preston 1

Yay!

Sone Aluko fired in from Neeskens Kebano's cutback to open the scoring before Chris Martin found the bottom corner to double the hosts' lead.

Tom Barkhuizen made it 2-1 on the break, but Kebano pounced to end Preston's hopes with a calm finish.

 

Bradford vs Peterborough -Prediction Home win

Result - Bradford 1 Peterborough 0

Yay!

Striker Alex Jones [I wondered why she’s not been on the One Show lately. - Ed.] scored the winner in the 24th minute, forcing the ball over the line after goalkeeper Luke McGee could only half stop Mark Marshall's angled shot from the right.

The ball then rebounded into the path of fellow striker Charlie Wyke who fired into the net from close range, but referee Brett Huxtable signalled a goal after being alerted by the assistant referee's flag that Jones' effort had crossed the line.

 

Swindon vs Chesterfield -Prediction Home win

Result - Swindon 0 Chesterfield 1

Boo!

Substitute Reece Mitchell struck in the third minute of time added on. Mitchell was introduced in the final 10 minutes, replacing the ineffective Sylvan Ebanks-Blake, and the change proved an inspired one as he netted his first goal of the season.

 

Crawley vs Doncaster -Prediction Away win

Result - Crawley 0 Doncaster 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Goalkeeper Glenn Morris saved a first-half penalty and produced several other important stops to ensure Doncaster took only a point at Crawley.

The Reds had former Gillingham man Morris to thank for keeping them in the match before half-time.

Rovers' leading scorer John Marquis, with 20 goals already this season, wasted a perfect opportunity to give his side the lead when he had a 25th-minute penalty saved.

Defender Mark Connolly gave away the spot-kick for bringing down Tommy Rowe and Marquis' tame penalty was saved to his left by Morris, who then kept out the rebound from Alfie May.

Ho hum. Let’s see if The Grambler can improve on those predictions this week.

Game - Result - Odds

Cardiff vs Birmingham - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Leeds vs QPR - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Newcastle vs Fulham - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Norwich vs Blackburn - Prediction Home win - 4/6

Luton vs Stevenage - Prediction Home win - 4/6

 

All matches kick off at 3pm on Saturday the 11th of March. The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£10.15

A bit more whopping than last week..

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked who is the only Scot to have scored a Premiershit hat-trick against Chelsea. It was Everton’s Steven Naismith who came on as sub after only nine minutes when Chelsea visited Goodison Park in September 2015.

One for this week? Which African has scored the highest number of Premiershit goals? That’s it. Nice and simple.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign


…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Mr R. McFerrin for our finishing link this week. For those of you who think he can only do that annoying Be Happy song, listen to this... It's absolutely mesmerising.  Enjoy. [Don’t you order me about, young man. - Ed.]
 

Happy grambling.