Saturday 23 December 2023

Post 495 - Lonely this gramblemas

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Story Time...

At this time of year, we all get a bit nostalgic for Christmases past, when there was always snow on the ground... Well, according to Irving Berlin there was... When everyone was happy and smiling and just enjoying this, as Andy Williams assured us, most wonderful time of the year.

Bollocks, says I.

I like to give you a Christmas memory or two as we approach the big day and this year is no exception. Last year, I told you about my earliest Christmas memory. This year, I will tell you about my least satisfactory Christmas. Indeed, I would go as far as to call it a sad occasion.

I’m not talking about recent times. 2013 will forever be my saddest Christmas; the first without Stewart (the founder of this, the world’s greatest ill-informed blog). Instead, I am talking about a Christmas from my childhood which was just... miserable. It was also the Christmas when I, at a very early age, realised something had to change.

I have, in the past, told you how a favourite Christmas tradition of my brother and I was to lug our pillowcases full of pressies through to Mum and Dad’s bedroom and climb in beside them in bed to open our gifts. The Christmas I am recalling for this year’s trip down Christmassy memory lane was the last one prior to beginning that happy ritual.

This must have been when I was about five or six years old. As always, my brother and I had gone to bed early on Christmas Eve. For some reason, unlike every other night of the year, I was desperate to go to bed. Can’t think why. It must have annoyed my big brother no end, because it meant that he had to go at the same time. Why? Because he was a decoy. Sorry pardon excuse me? To explain; he is a few years older than me and no longer... how can I put this?... as excited that Santa Claus might pay a visit. I, on the other hand, was utterly hyper at the prospect. My brother and I shared a bedroom and he was encouraged to go to bed at the same time to try and calm me down a bit.

That was more easily said than done. He had a smart tactic, though. He would say that Santa wouldn’t leave anything for anyone who wasn’t asleep and, wait a minute, was that bells he could hear? I would listen and convince myself that I, too, could hear them. I would close my eyes tightly shut, feigning sleep. After a while, I would actually fall asleep.

My brother probably went back through to the living room to report that he had succeeded in his task. I have no idea; I was fast asleep.

The next morning, I awoke when it was still dark outside. This was before the pillowcase idea had taken hold, so there was nothing to see at the foot of the bed. I wandered sleepily through to the living room. There, alone and in the dark, I opened my presents and began playing with a clockwork train set (that year’s ‘big’ present) wishing that there was somebody there to share these moments of... What? I certainly wasn’t experiencing any feelings of joy. Quite the reverse. I was feeling quite depressed. Yes, I had some nice presents, but didn’t feel I could enjoy them. Not on my own.

I’m guessing that I then wandered back to the bedroom and got back into bed. I do recall that my thoughts at that moment were that I had just ruined Christmas. And I had. That was the moment I decided that, in future, I would never again open my presents alone.

I must have fallen asleep because, when I got up, it was light outside. I went into the living room to get Christmas cuddles from Mum and Dad. By golly, I needed them. I probably cried thinking that I had spoiled Christmas for everyone thanks to my antics during the night. I hadn’t, of course, but a five-year-old child doesn’t realise that.

Other than that, I recall nothing else about that particular Christmas. I do know that the pillowcase idea was mooted by Mum and Dad in order to prevent me pulling that stunt again.

So, there you have it, my most disappointing Christmas. Not a particularly jolly story for this time of year, but it does touch on the sadder aspect of loneliness at Christmas. With all the adverts on TV showing families tucking into festive meals, it must be a very sad time for those living alone.

Oh dear, this is becoming a bit depressing. Let’s lighten things a bit with some Christmas cracker jokes. Here are this year’s top ten. In Christmas colours, too.

Did you hear about the Christmas cake on display in the British Museum? It was Stollen.

Why is Elon Musk's Christmas dinner so awkward? He can't stop talking about his X.

Why isn't Barbie having turkey for Christmas dinner this year? Chic-Ken is enough.

Why aren't any schools allowed to put on a nativity this year? They couldn't find a stable building.

What impact will the 20mph speed limit in Wales have on the charts this year? Chris Rea will be driving home for Easter.

What happened to Mark Zuckerberg's novelty jumper when he had a cage fight with Elon Musk? He was left with nothing but Threads.

What's the difference between The Polar Express and HS2? One's a fantasy about a train and the other's a film with Tom Hanks. [The old switcheroony, there. - Ed.]

What did Robert Oppenheimer get Barbie for Christmas? Atomic Kenergy.

Why are the train drivers on the naughty list this year? Because they've already had three strikes!

How does Margot Robbie decorate her Nativity scene? With 3 wise Ken.

[They are the best? Jeez, I’d hate to see the runners up. - Ed.]

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 23rd of December? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Richard Arkwright 1732 - Textile entrepreneur.

Maurice Denham 1909 - Jobbing actor. Rawley in Porridge. 207 credits on IMDb.

Noel Dyson 1916 - Actress. Ida Barlow (Ken’s mum) in Coronation Street.

Peggy Fortnum 1919 - Illustrator. Famous for illustrating Paddington Bear in Michael Bond’s stories.

Charlie Williams 1928 - Comedian. Famous for his broad Yorkshire accent... And being totally useless as a presenter of TV gameshow, The Golden Shot. Prior to being a stand-up, he was a professional footballer, playing 171 times for Doncaster Rovers.

Ee - I've had some laughs

Fred Heath aka Johnny Kidd 1935 - Singer/songwriter. Had a few hits with his Pirates. Let’s have a clip. Here’s Please Don't Touch.

John Nightingale 1942 - Actor. Tom Seaton in When the Boooat Comes In.

John Sullivan 1946 - TV scriptwriter. Citizen Smith, Just Good Friends and Only Fools and Horses were his best-known creations.

Luther Grosvenor aka Ariel Bender 1946 - Musician. Part of Mott the Hoople. I was never too certain about that name. Is a Hoople called Mott? In that case, where is the comma after Mott. Or is it an instruction to do something to a hoople? How, exactly, do you go about motting it? I think we should have these things explained. Anyway, would you like a clip? Of course you would. Here’s Honaloochie Boogie.

Graham Bonnet 1947 - Singer/songwriter. Here’s an early hit by The Marbles that you might recognise, Only One Woman.  Factoid: Bonnet was approached by the members of Sweet to replace Brian Connolly, but chose to join Rainbow. The rest, as they say, is history.

David Davis 1948 - Politician.

Anthony Phillips 1951 - Musician. Genesis’ original guitarist who left the band, not for musical differences but, because of his stage fright. Another clip? Indeed. Here’s Deep in the Night.

Dave Allen 1955 - Not the comedian, but the musician who once played bass for Gang of Four. Let’s have a clip. Here’s Damaged Goods.

Dave Murray 1956 - Musician. He has been a guitarist with the band Iron Maiden since its formation in 1975. Crikey! Nearly half a century with the same band. That’s what you call a job for life. Shall we have a clip? I do believe we shall. Let's Raaawwwk! Here’s Stratego.

Nej Adamson 1958 - Actor. Ali Osman in the early years of Eastenders... you slaaag!

Smiley smiley Carol Smillie 1961 - TV presenter.

Nick Moran 1969 - Actor. Eddy in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. 111 credits on IMDb.

Karine Polwart 1970 - Singer/songwriter. Let’s have a clip. Here’s Daisy.

Tara Palmer-Tompkinson 1971 - Famous woman who was famous for... you tell me.

Matt Baker 1977 - TV presenter.

Jodie Marsh 1978 - See Tara Palmer-Tompkinson.

Gavin Strachan 1978 - Fitba guy. Gordon’s lad.

Frazer Wright 1979 - Fitba guy. Fae Polomint City, by the way.

Kenny Miller 1979 - Fitba guy.

Aidan David 1981 - Actor. James ‘Arnie’ Arnold in Grange Hill.

Michael Chopra 1983 - Foo’y blurk. That’s supposed to be Geordie.

Harry Judd 1985 - Musician and Strictly Come Dancing winner. He is the drummer with McFly. Would you like a clip? Of course you would. Here’s a new track from the band, God of Rock & Roll.

Danny MacAskill 1985 - Bikey bloke.

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Dave Grambly,

It was lovely to hear a fairly recent song from your band Iron Maiden. I have a question for you: what was your band’s first single to reach the top ten in the charts?

Yours heavy-metally,

Ron Tudor-Hills.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Blordkaes fare? We won... and lost. £1.94 back from our £2.20 stake. Oh no. 26 pees down. What happened? Read on.

 

 

Hull vs Cardiff - Home win

Result - Hull 3 Cardiff 0

Yay!

The hosts found the breakthrough they deserved when Aaron Connolly met Liam Delap's low cross for an easy finish.

Hull doubled the lead 10 minutes into the second half, Scott Twine's free-kick finding the top corner.

And the Tigers scored their third three minutes later as Ozan Tufan chipped the ball over Jak Alnwick into the back of the Cardiff net to seal victory.

Bolton vs Bristol Rovers - Home win

Result - Bolton 1 Bristol Rovers 2

Boo!

First-half goals from John Marquis and Antony Evans condemned 10-man Bolton to a 2-1 defeat.

Rovers grabbed a 10th-minute lead when Grant Ward crossed for Marquis to score.

The visitors' fortunes increased when Bolton captain Ricardo Santos was sent off for tripping Aaron Collins 12 minutes before half-time.

The Gas went 2-0 up as Collins set up Evans for his goal.

Nathan Baxter kept Bolton in the hunt when saving from Collins, Evans and Connor Taylor before Wanderers rallied.

George Thomason forced Matt Cox into his first save of the game after 66 minutes and the goalkeeper made a more spectacular effort to deny Jon Dadi Bodvarsson with 20 minutes left.

Defender Eoin Toal's late consolation could not prevent the Trotters' defeat.

Barnsley vs Charlton - Home win

Result - Barnsley 1 Charlton 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Adam Phillips opened the scoring for the home side, with Corey Blackett-Taylor providing the second-half equaliser.

Blackett-Taylor broke through the Barnsley defence in the seventh minute, but he could only find the side-netting as the angle drew tighter.

Barnsley midfielder Herbie Kane looked to have found the top corner from 25 yards out in the 20th minute, but Charlton keeper Ashley Maynard-Brewer tipped over.

The hosts broke the deadlock in the 24th minute under controversial circumstances when Kane battled well to retrieve the ball in the left corner, driving inside to find Phillips who slotted home.

Maynard-Brewer and head coach Michael Appleton were booked in the aftermath of the goal, with the Addicks arguing the ball had left the field of play in the build-up.

Blackett-Taylor scored the equaliser for Charlton in the 70th minute. Driving in from the left and beating several defenders before firing past Liam Roberts.

 

Shrewsbury vs Portsmouth - Away win

Result - Shrewsbury 0 Portsmouth 3

Yay!

Two goals from Abu Kamara and another from Marlon Pack gave Portsmouth an emphatic win.

Just before the half-hour mark, Paddy Lane cut the ball back to Kusini Yengi in the heart of the box, but the Pompey forward blasted it over the bar.

The visitors took the lead on the stroke of half-time. Pack launched a long throw to the back post and Kamara bundled the ball into the net.

Pompey doubled their lead in the 62nd minute when Lane cut in from the left to reach the near post and lay the ball off to Pack, who poked it in from close range.

Shrewsbury came close to pulling a goal back with under 20 minutes remaining. Mal Benning fed a ball into fellow substitute Max Mata in the box. The striker held off a defender before shooting, but his effort went over.

Kamara completed the scoring with six minutes remaining, after being played through on goal by Christian Saydee, rifling the ball into the net.

 

Crawley vs Mansfield - Away win

Result - Crawley 1 Mansfield 3

Yay!

The Stags, pegged back by a penalty from Danilo Orsi after Baily Cargill's opener, stepped up their game in the second half to clinch their first victory in three league matches.

Scott Lindsey went into the contest believing Crawley have come a hell of a long way since he took over as boss 11 months ago. ‘They’ve come a hell of a long way since I took over as boss 11 months ago,’ he said.

However, the hosts suffered an early blow when defender Cargill gave Mansfield the lead after 12 minutes with a thumping header from a fierce cross by Rhys Oates.

Stags goalkeeper Christy Pym went down bravely to claim a dangerous cross by Kellan Gordon before Oates wasted a quick Mansfield counter-attack by hastily firing over from a good position.

Crawley equalised nine minutes before the break when Orsi powered home his 11th goal of the season from the penalty spot. He made no mistake after referee Scott Simpson had ruled that Lucas Akins had fouled Adam Campbell.

Mansfield had a let-off 10 minutes into the second half when a rasping drive from Will Wright struck the post.

However, the Stags took the lead a minute later when Davis Keillor-Dunn netted his 12th goal of the season from close range following a cross by substitute Stephen Quinn.

George Maris wrapped up the points in the 64th minute with a first-time shot from the edge of the area after good work by Akins.

The hosts were reduced to 10 men in the 69th minute when defender Jay Williams picked up two yellow cards for fouling Quinn and then showing dissent. What a tw*t!

 

So, three yays, a boo and an ’it the bar meant we weren’t in profit last time, can The Grambler come up with the goods this week? [Doubt it. - Ed.] Let’s see what he/she/it has randomly predicted.

Game - Result - Odds

Fulham vs Burnley - Home win - 8/11

Tottenham vs Everton - Home win - 4/6

Sunderland vs Coventry - Home win - 5/6

QPR vs Southampton - Away win - 3/4

Blackpool vs Bristol Rovers - Home win - 3/4

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£9.30

9-30? My bedtime.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Aliança, Brazil in 1996. An attacking midfielder, I began my senior career at Brazilian club Sport Recife before moving to 1899 Hoffenheim, although I was loaned out to Rapid Wien for much of my time there. I currently play for Newcastle United. I have been capped for Brazil five times.

Answer - Joelinton

2. Who is the current manager of Aston Villa?

Answer - Unai Emery [Dick’s lad? - Ed.]

3. Similar to last week’s question 3, who has won the English First Division title, F.A. Cup, League Cup and the Scottish League Cup as both player and manager?

Answer - Kenny Dalglish

4. Who has scored the most goals as a West Ham player?

Answer - Vic Watson with 326

5. Another anagram for you. Who is this English player from the past?

AXED INDIE

Answer - Dixie Dean

Here are some to test you over Christmas.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Coventry, England in 1996. An attacking midfielder, I began my senior career at Coventry City before moving to Norwich City. I was signed out on loan to Coventry and Aberdeen before Leicester City bought me for around £20 million. I currently play for Tottenham Hotspur who bought me for about £40 million. I have been capped five times for England.

2. Philippe Clement has proven to be a steady manager at Rangers, but which team did he coach immediately before moving to Glasgow?

3. Which club plays its home games at the Bet365 Stadium (formerly known as the Britannia Stadium)?

4. Scotland has qualified for Euro 2024; when was the team’s debut appearance in that tournament?

5. Would you like some anagrams? Okay, this week, since it is Christmas, here are not one, not two, not even five anagrams, but twelve, yes twelve, to test your knowledge of footy grounds in England and Scotland.

BEELMWY

AFIKPRR

FHIILLR

ADEFILN

ADEHMNP

EILMNOUX

ADDEEELP

AACDEINNT

BIORX

ACEELNSTTY

ACCEIKLPRT

AADEEORRST

There you have it. Have fun trying to work that lot out. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...

£74,127

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am grateful to a Mr. D. MacAskill for this week’s finishing link. Danny MacAskill is a famous mountain/stunt cyclist from Skye. He has made films of his rides all over the world, but we are going to go to the Isle of Skye for our link. Ladeez and genullum, please be astounded by The Ridge.

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday 16 December 2023

Post 494 - A tasteful, christmassy gramble

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Story Time...

Christmas is coming,

The goose is get... [You did that last week. Give it a rest. - Ed.]

All right. I will. For now.

Ah yes, Gramblemas is nearly upon us and Mrs G loves nothing better than getting her baubles out at this time of year to decorate the tree.

I don't know about your trees... obviously... but it is a wonder that ours doesn't collapse under the weight of all the baubles and decorations that Mrs G and I have accumulated over the years. Why so many, I hear you ask. Well, it started a long time ago [Hovis time? - Ed.] No, not Hovis time. I was merely going to tell you that many years ago Mrs G decided to start collecting a Christmas tree decoration from each of the places we visited. Nice, eh? [You've been to Nice? - Ed.] Ahem. If I might continue... We have visited a lot of places over the years and the tree now groans under the mass of trinkets and baubles loaded onto it. Okay, it isn't in the least bit artistic, but it brings back a lot of happy memories for us at Christmas. Isn't that lovely?

What? Is that it? The Grambler gives us a twee little story about happy memories? Nothing else?

Please don't panic. There is more.

As well as tree decorations, we have accumulated some amount of tacky Christmas ornaments to sit on tables, sideboards, even floors. And you know what that means, don't you... Batteries. Loads of them.

Just a little aside - Have you noticed that batteries tend to come in packs of four? Have you also noticed that most of the ornaments that need batteries use three? Discuss.

Here is a list of just some of these 'tasteful' ornaments.

Globe that lights up displaying the words 'Have a holly jolly Christmas'. Though, disappointingly, it doesn't play the well-known Christmas song of the same name as sung by Mr Ugly Bug Ball himself, Burl Ives - three batteries required.

Christmas scene of a village with lights and a rotating Christmas tree... No, I don't understand that either... three.

Snow globe that not only lights up but has a spinner type of thing to agitate the 'snowflakes' - three.

Cuddly dog in a Santa hat that sings Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Deck the Halls and We Wish You a Merry Christmas - three.

Two metal things that look like baked bean tins until you switch their lights on, when they reveal a snowy scene with Santa's sleigh and Reindeer - three each.

Nativity scene which has a light above the stable and does absolutely nothing else - three.

A doormat showing Santa either going down a chimney to deliver various toys or emerging from a chimney having ransacked the house... probably the former... which plays a rather distorted first line of Deck the Halls followed by a very loud 'Ho ho ho... Merry Christmas' - two. Only two? That is unusual.

By my reckoning (not always the best) that's 20 Duracels. Minimum. Bear in mind, some of that lovely tat will be played to death by the grand weans... especially that bloody dog and the doormat*... so more batteries will be needed as the season to be merry wears on. We are talking 30 or more batteries. How much do batteries cost? The cheapest I have seen are seven quid for a dozen. Probably best to buy three dozen. What?!! 21 quids? Just to power some tacky ornaments? For one household? I haven't even touched upon all the kids' toys that get bought at Christmas with a dismissive 'Batteries not included' printed in small letters somewhere on the box. Taking all that into account, how many batteries are bought nationwide at Christmas, I wonder.

I'll tell you what, I wouldn't mind being a shareholder in a battery company at this time of year... Tis certainly the season for them to be jolly... come dividend payout time.

So, if I may just reiterate (They can't touch you for it.)...

Christmas is coming,
The goose is getting fat,
Please put a penny in the old man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny...
How about a few batteries?

Ps. Don't get me started on all the other light-up christmassy crap we've got that is mains operated.

* Actually, that's not strictly true; these usually have their batteries removed within a day.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 16th of December? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Catherine of Aragon 1485 - First wife of Henry VIII after first being married to his late brother, Arthur.

Agnes Baden-Powell 1858 - Founder of the Girl Guide movement. Younger sister of Robert.

Jack Hobbs 1882 - Crickety bloke.

Noel Coward 1899 - Playwright, composer, director, actor and singer... In fact, a right old smarty boots, dear, dear boy. How about a clip from the man known as the Master [Master? Are you sure? - Ed.] Here’s There are Bad Times Just Around the Corner.

Arthur C. Clarke 1917 - Science fiction writer, science writer, inventor, undersea explorer, and television series host... In fact, another right old...

Nicholas Courtney 1929 - Actor. Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart in Doctor Who.

Ronald Allen 1930 - Actor. David Hunter in Crossroads.

Angus McKenzie aka Karl Denver 1931. Here’s his biggest hit, Wimoweh. Wow!  Some voice.

Quentin Blake 1932 - Illustrator and writer.

Tony Hicks 1945 - Musician. A Holly. Have another clip.  Here's the band's first number one, I'm Alive.

Tony Hicks; very much alive


Bobby George 1945 - Darty bloke.

Chris Ellison 1946 - Actor. D.I./D.C.I. Burnside in The Bill.

Diane Towler 1946 - Ice skatey bloke.

Ben Cross 1947 - Actor. Harold Abrahams in Chariots of Fire.

Christopher Biggins 1948 - Actor. Lukewarm in Porridge.

Stephanie Lawrence 1949 - Singer/actress. Have a clip. Here’s The right to Sing.

Tommy Burns 1956 - Fitba guy.

Dennis Wise 1966 - Footy bloke.

Simon Grayson 1969 - Footy bloke.

Scott Booth 1971 - Fitba guy.

Nicholas Cochrane 1973 - Actor. Andy McDonald in Coronation Street.

Alicya Eyo 1975 - Actress. Dominique Darby in Clink.

Joe Absolom 1978 - Actor. Matthew Rose in Eastenders.

Sebastian Croft 2001 - Actor. Atti in Horrible Histories: The Movie.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Blardkoes fare? We won... and lost. 72 pees back from our £2.20 stake. What happened? Read on.

 

Norwich vs Preston - Home win

Result - Norwich 0 Preston 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

The Canaries dominated possession in the opening half, with Marcelino Nunez inches wide as he tried his luck from 25 yards.

North End, though, carried a greater threat after the break and Ben Whiteman's shot from the edge of the box hit the crossbar after Angus Gunn failed to gather Ali McCann's cross.

Substitute Liam Gibbs was just off target from Gabriel Sara's through ball, but Norwich could not find a way through.

 

Stoke vs Sheffield Wed - Home win

Result - Stoke 0 Sheffield Wed 1

Boo!

Anthony Musaba's injury-time winner stunned Stoke City.  It stunned me, as well.

The Dutchman kept his head in a one-on-one with Stoke keeper Tommy Simkin.

In a grim encounter, Stoke only had themselves to blame after missing a second-half penalty when Owls keeper Cameron Dawson kept out Ryan Mmaee's spot-kick.

 

Orient vs Derby - Away win

Result - Orient 0 Derby 3

Yay!

Derby cruised to victory away against 10-man Leyton Orient.

Louie Sibley scored in the first half before O's defender Brandon Cooper was dismissed and then Nathaniel Mendez-Laing and Tom Barkhuizen added one apiece in the second period.

Playing with energy and enthusiasm, the Rams had squandered a couple of excellent chances before they took the lead after 34 minutes through Sibley.

He collected a pass and bore down unchallenged on goal before delivering a sublime drive from 22 yards that nestled low into the bottom corner of the net.

And Orient's misery was compounded nine minutes later when Cooper was sent off by referee David Rock after elbowing James Collins as the pair clashed just near the halfway line.

Derby doubled their lead two minutes into the second half when skipper Conor Hourihane picked out the unmarked Mendez-Laing, who had the simplest of chances to net his sixth goal of the campaign.

Totally in control, the visitors added to their tally when Mendez-Laing fed substitute Barkhuizen a simple opportunity after the pair had broken out quickly following an Orient corner.

 

Peterborough vs Oxford - Home win

Result - Peterborough 3 Oxford 0

Yay!

Posh's first-half dominance was rewarded with two goals from Hector Kyprianou and Ricky-Jade Jones, with substitute Ryan De Havilland adding a third late on.

Kyprianou had the simple task of breaking the deadlock in the 24th minute after Harrison Burrows cut the ball back into his path following an Archie Collins blast being parried by goalkeeper James Beadle.

The advantage doubled 10 minutes later when Jones sped onto a fine Ephron Mason-Clark pass, skipped round Beadle and finished into a gaping net.

Fine Beadle stops from Joel Randall and Jones then followed as Peterborough dominated throughout the opening 45 minutes.

Oxford were livelier in the second period as Billy Bodin demanded a penalty for a shove after firing a Josh Murphy cross wide just after the hour but only received a caution from referee James Linington for his appeal.

Marcus McGuane then tested Posh keeper Nicholas Bilokapic from long range before the home side went back on the attack with Beadle denying Kwame Poku and Mason-Clark.

But the hosts struck again in the second minute of stoppage time when substitute David Ajiboye picked out fellow replacement De Havilland to finish.

 

Wycombe vs Shrewsbury - Home win

Result - Wycombe 0 Shrewsbury 1

Boo!

Taylor Perry's first-half strike gave Shrewsbury Town the win over the Chairboys.

The hosts started off the better and nearly took the lead on 21 minutes when Luke Leahy saw his free-kick tipped over the bar by Marko Marosi, before David Wheeler fired wide six minutes later.

For large parts of the contest, Wycombe dominated possession and bossed the ball, with Shrewsbury having little to no attacking threat.

Yet it was the Shropshire visitors who took the lead five minutes before the break.

Perry picked up the ball from range to smash a terrific drive beyond Max Stryjek.

Wanderers pushed on in the final 15 minutes as Kieran Sadlier, Sam Vokes and Garath McCleary all went close, but Marosi was on hand to deny the chasing Chairboys.

 

Oh well. Ne’er mind eh. Apologies for the spelling error last week. Blame predictive text, Wickham. Any road up, what has The Grambler randomly predicted for us this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Hull vs Cardiff - Home win - 5/6

Bolton vs Bristol Rovers - Home win - 4/5

Barnsley vs Charlton - Home win - 10/11

Shrewsbury vs Portsmouth - Away win - 8/11

Crawley vs Mansfield - Away win - 5/6

 

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£10.62

Not really that whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Barcelona in 1995. A goalkeeper, I began my career at Blackburn Rovers before moving to Brentford. I am currently on loan to another Premier League club. I have been capped for Spain three times.

Answer - David Raya

2. Which club plays its home games at Portman Road?

Answer - Ipswich Town

3. Who is the only man to have won the Scottish Premiership, Scottish Cup and Scottish League as a player and as a manager?

Answer - Neil Lennon

4. Which is the last club to have joined the (English) Football League for the first time?

Answer - Sutton United

5. Another anagram; this time a Scottish player...

SENSE OUR GAMES

Answer - Graeme Souness

That was easy, wasn’t it? Shall we have five for this week?

1. Who am I?

I was born in Aliança, Brazil in 1996. An attacking midfielder, I began my senior career at Brazilian club Sport Recife before moving to 1899 Hoffenheim, although I was loaned out to Rapid Wien for much of my time there. I currently play for Newcastle United. I have been capped for Brazil five times.

2. Who is the current manager of Aston Villa?

3. Similar to last week’s question 3, who has won the English First Division title, F.A. Cup, League Cup and the Scottish League Cup as both player and manager?

4. Who has scored the most goals as a West Ham player?

5. Another anagram for you. Who is this English player from the past?

AXED INDIE

There you have it; five teasers to test you. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK


.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...

£74,097

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am grateful to a Mr. W. Hicks who was born on the 16th of December in 1961. Bill Hicks was an American comedian who seemed to constantly court controversy during his short career (He died in 1994). His style was brash and he would challenge his audience. There were those who rated him as one of the greatest comedians that ever walked this Earth and there are others who just didn’t get it. Since his death, his body of work has been reappraised and, frankly, it hasn’t aged well. I know I did the same thing on his birthday six years ago, but in those years I believe his humour has become even less acceptable. His abrasive 'I'm right; you're wrong' style doesn't seem to sit too well these days.  See what you think.

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks… You really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a f***ing cross?

I believe that there is an equality to all humanity: We all suck.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question: 'Is this real, or is this just a ride?' And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, 'Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.' And we kill those people.

They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well - you just realize that it's not worth the f***ing effort. There is a difference.

You know I've noticed a certain anti-intellectualism going around this country ever since around 1980, coincidentally enough. I was in Nashville, Tennessee last weekend and after the show I went to a waffle house and I'm sitting there and I'm eating and reading a book. I don't know anybody, I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book. This waitress comes over to me (mocks chewing gum) 'what you readin' for?'...wow, I've never been asked that; not 'What am I reading', 'What am I reading for?' Well, goddamnit, you stumped me...I guess I read for a lot of reasons — the main one is so I don't end up being a f***in' waffle waitress. Yeah, that would be pretty high on the list. Then this trucker in the booth next to me gets up, stands over me and says [mocks Southern drawl] 'Well, looks like we got ourselves a readah'...aahh, what the fuck's goin' on? It's like I walked into a Klan rally in a Boy George costume or something. Am I stepping out of some intellectual closet here? I read, there I said it. I feel better.

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather!

Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um – they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?

This idea of ‘I’m offended’. Well I’ve got news for you. I’m offended by a lot of things too. Where do I send my list? Life is offensive. You know what I mean? Just get in touch with your outer adult. And grow up. And move on. Reasonable people don’t write letters.

If anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself… Seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good. Seriously. No this is not a joke… You are Satan’s spawn filling the world with bile and garbage. You are f***ed and you are f***ing us. Kill yourself. It’s the only way to save your f***ing soul. Kill yourself.

If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.

If you want to understand a society, take a good look at the drugs it uses. And what can this tell you about American culture? Well, look at the drugs we use. Except for pharmaceutical poison, there are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates: Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.

Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.

The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey...there's one guy holding up both!

I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is
mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. If you’re wondering
what I believe our purpose on this planet is, I’ll give you
a hint... it has to do with creating and sharing.

It's all about money, not freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without money, okay?

You know all the money we spend on nuclear weapons and defence every year? Trillions of dollars? Correct? Trillions. Instead, if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world,which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, not one, we could, as one race, explore outer space together in peace forever.

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It's gonna be worth it!.

Christianity has a built-in defense system: anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, is the work of Satan by the very fact that it makes you question a belief. It's a very interesting defense mechanism and the only way to get by it -- and believe me, I was raised Southern Baptist -- is to take massive amounts of mushrooms, sit in a field, and just go, "Show me.".

And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said and said, "This is my creation, perfect in every way... oh, dammit I left all this pot all over the place. Now they'll think I want them to smoke it... Now I have to create Republicans."

People tell me, 'Bill, let it go. The Kennedy assassination was years ago. It was just the assassination of a President and the hijacking of our government by a totalitarian regime - who cares? Just let it go.' I say, 'All right then. That whole Jesus thing? Let it go! It was 2,000 years ago! Who cares?'

People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.

And finally...

I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.

What do you reckon? I don’t think such challenging thoughts would go down with a modern audience, but I do agree with many of them... especially the last one.

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday 9 December 2023

Post 493 - Where's my grambling parcel?

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

 

A song to begin...

Here’s an oldie from The Drifters... Let’s get straight into the chorus...

Saturday night at the movies,

Who cares what picture you see...

At 15 quid a pop, I do.

 

Story Time...

Christmas is coming,
The goose is getting fat,
Please put a penny in the old man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny,
he will accept payments by card or bank transfer.

Yes, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere I see, hence the slightly updated nursery rhyme that begins this week's story time. Anyway, Christmas, time for me to join the crowds thronging the three, or is it four, shops still trading in our local shopping centre. Aye, sure, that will be right.

This year Santa Amzoan will be delivering any pressies I shall be purchasing, thank you very much.

Indeed, I've already started my shopping. Two parcels were due to arrive this very afternoon/evening... Well, any time between 2.45 and 5.45.

Now, anyone who shops online will be aware that it is possible to track your parcel before its arrival. This, I did. After about 4 o'clock, I was wondering if my delivery was imminent, so I went online to have a wee look.

Sure enough, there were my parcel details together with the information that delivery was imminent and that I was eighth in the queue. There was even a map showing the exact location of the delivery van. It was, apparently, only three streets away. It wouldn't be long, now, I thought.

Three quarters of an hour later, I was still waiting. Had something gone wrong?

I checked the tracking information again. It hadn't altered since I'd last looked. The van was still three streets away. I began to think it had broken down.

Minutes later, there was a knock at the door and my parcels were delivered safe and sound. Great.

Hang on a mo... wasn't the van three streets away? How could the driver have got that far so quickly?

I'll let you into a secret. This was one very smart delivery driver. His van was, indeed, still three streets away. How do I know? Because, after dropping my parcels off, he got on a bike and rode off.

Smart, huh? He'd obviously worked out that the easiest way to negotiate the narrower streets was to park his bulky van at a central point and then ride his bike (presumably kept in the van amongst the parcels) quickly to make any deliveries round about.

The thing is, was this his idea, or was it now company policy? Sorry pardon excuse me what? Perhaps, Anazom were now expecting even more deliveries to be made by their drivers. Perhaps, it was they who had instigated the bike runs between houses. If not, and I do hope it's not, please don't let on that I have told you about this driver with the brains to work out an easier method of making deliveries, because, you know what would happen; it wouldn't be long until all drivers were issued with bikes to increase 'efficiency'.

Azamon would be hoping for delivery drivers to get about more quickly with ever-greater m.p.h. from its already overworked staff. That is, maildrops per hour.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 2nd of December? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Mary Slessor 1848 - Missionary.

John Barbirolli 1899 - Conductor and cellist.

John Cobb 1899 - Speed demon. Between 1938 and 1947, Cobb held the world landspeed record on three occasions.

John Bentley 1916 - Actor. Hugh Mortimer in Crossroads.

Cyril Ornadel 1924 - Composer, conductor and songwriter. He wrote the music for this song for the singing bus driver, Matt Monro, Portrait of My Love.

Eileen McCallum 1936 - Actress. Isabel Blair in Take the High Road.

Susan Stranks 1938 - Actress and TV presenter. Best remembered as a presenter of children’s show Magpie from 1968 to 1974.

Susan Stranks: the only reason I ever watched Magpie.


Mike England 1941 - Pêl-droediwr.

John D. Collins 1942 - Actor. Flying Officer Fairfax in Allo Allo.

Andy Rouse 1947 - Racey drivery bloke.

Gwyneth Strong 1959 - Actress. Cassandra in Only Fools and Horses.

Nigel Spackman 1960 - Footy bloke.

Rick Savage 1960 - Musician. Bassist with Def Leppard. I suppose a clip’s out of the question. Not at all. Here’s the band’s first single to chart, Wasted.

Brendan Coyle 1963 - Actor. Mr Bates in Downton Abbey.

David Batty 1968 - Footy bloke.

Donna Matthews 1971 - Musician. Lead guitarist with Elastica. A clip? Why not? Here’s Waking Up.

Chris Wolstenholme 1978 - Musician. One third of Muse. Another clip? Most definitely. Here’s Supermassive Black Hole. That is one seriously weird video.

Chris Burke 1983 - Fitba guy.

Seann Walsh 1986 - Comedian.

Alfred Enoch 1988 - Actor. Dean Thomas in the Harry Potter films.

Stephen McGinn 1988 - Fitba guy. Brother of Paul and John.

Richard Tait 1989 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell, you know.

Kalvin Phillips 1985 - Footy bloke.

 

Okeydokey, what about the 9th of December?

John Milton 1608 - Poet. Paradise Lost, that was one of his.

George Grossmith 1847 - Actor, writer, composer, singer and comedian... in fact, a right old smarty boots. With brother Weedon [Weed on? Ooh yuch! - Ed.], he wrote Diary of a Nobody.

Harry ‘Breaker’ Morant 1864 - Military officer and writer. Australian folk hero.

Percy Kahn 1880 - Composer. Here he is accompanying Enrico Caruso and violinist Mischa Elman in a 1913 recording of his composition, Ave Maria.Not bad for a 110 year-old recording.

Hermione Gingold 1897 - Actress. Madame Alvarez in Gigi.

Rab Butler 1902 - Politician.

Ernest Marples 1907 - Politician.

Elisabeth Schwarzkopf 1915 - Chanter. Have a clip. Here’s An die Musik. [Andy Music? Who’s he, then? - Ed.]

Benny Green 1927 - Saxophonist, writer and lover of cricket.

Judi Dench 1934 - Actress. Mary in Allelujah... and she’s done some other stuff.

Billy Bremner 1942 - Fitba guy.

Joanna Trollope 1943 - Orferess.

Neil Innes 1944 - Musician. He wrote a few amusing tunes, but here’s his big hit, Urban Spaceman.  A brief intro from Professor Stanley Unwin.

Allan Jones 1947 - Crickety bloke.

Joan Armatrading 1950 - Musician. Here’s a fairly recent song, Loving What You Hate.

Steve Askew 1957 - Musician. One-time guitarist with Kajagoogoo (Remember them?) Shall we have a wee clip? Here’s Too Shy.

Dave Harold 1966 - Snookery bloke.

Geoff Barrow 1971 - Musician. He formed Portishead in 1991, so let’s have a track from them. Here’s Chase the Tear.

Luisa Bradshaw-White 1975 - Actress. Tina Carter in Eastenders. You slaaag!

Imogen Heap 1977 - Musician, singer-songwriter, record producer and audio engineer. [Perhaps she could fix my stereo. - Ed.] I don’t think that’s what it means. Have a clip. Here’s Goodnight and Go.

Lee Mair 1980 - Fitba guy.

Gemma Fay 1981 - Fitba guy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Steve Grambleskew,

I did enjoy the clip provided here, but I am troubled by something. The singer in the video is Limahl, am I right in thinking that he was sacked from the band? Did the group have any top ten hits after he was kicked out?

Yours accusingly,

B. Gappel.

[Ignore the scary man at the beginning. - Ed.]

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Blodkares fare? We lost. Not a penny back. Rubbish, or what? What happened? Read on.

 

 

Burnley vs West Ham - Away win

Result - Burnley 1 West Ham 2

Yay!

The home side looked to be on course for a crucial victory thanks to Jay Rodriguez's penalty at the start of the second half.

But they were unable to double their advantage and West Ham made them pay in the closing stages.

Substitute Divin Mubama pressured Dara O'Shea into turning the ball into his own net in the 86th minute, before Tomas Soucek scored from Mohammed Kudus' deep cross in stoppage time to complete the turnaround.


Luton vs Crystal Palace - Away win

Result - Luton 2 Crystal Palace 1

Boo!

It took until the second half for the game to spark into life, with one of the few moments of note in the first period when Odsonne Edouard's goal was ruled out because the ball ricocheted off Luton defender Tom Lockyer and on to the Palace striker's hand.

That escape energised Luton and Teden Mengi poked home a loose ball in the box after a flick-on from a corner to break the deadlock.

But Palace winger Michael Olise produced a brilliant piece of individual skill to chop inside and curl past Thomas Kaminski from a tight angle to level within two minutes.

Striker Jacob Brown put the Hatters back in front again when he turned home a pinpoint Chiedozie Ogbene pass from close range in the 81st minute.

The Eagles lost Eberechi Ezewho injured his ankle, and Cheick Doucoure, who were forced off in the second half - the latter being carried off on a stretcher.

Luton boss Rob Edwards doesn't want his players ‘having a party’ after that dramatic late winner. ‘I don’t want the players having a party,’ he said.

 

Plymouth vs Sunderland - Away win

Result - Plymouth 2 Sunderland 0

Boo!

Morgan Whittaker's excellent strike gave the hosts the lead having held out after a number of early chances for Sunderland before Finn Azaz finished well to double the lead.

Jobe Bellingham struck a Plymouth post shortly before half-time and Trai Hume also headed against the woodwork just after the restart as Sunderland started the second period well.

Bali Mumba had two good chances to add to Argyle's tally as the Pilgrims claimed the win.

 

Portsmouth vs Blackpool - Home win

Result - Portsmouth 0 Blackpool 4

Whaaat!

Owen Dale, Jack Beesley , CJ Hamilton and Albie Morgan scored the goals as 10-man Pompey were routed by Bolton.

The Seasiders took the lead in the ninth minute as Hamilton crossed for the unmarked Dale to find the net.

The home side should have equalised midway through the first half but new signing Josh Martin could not beat goalkeeper Dan Grimshaw in a one-on-one situation.

Grimshaw then produced a stunning push out from Marvin Ekpiteta's sliced attempted clearance a few minutes later.

Blackpool made it two 11 minutes into the second half as Karamoko Dembele's shot was deflected in by Jake Beesley.

Things got worse for Pompey when skipper Joe Morrell received a second yellow card and was sent off in the 64th minute.

Hamilton got a third 16 minutes from time and substitute Morgan sealed the rout with three minutes remaining.

 

Swindon vs Mansfield - Away win

Result - Swindon 2 Mansfield 1

BOOOO!

Swindon carved out the first big chance as Dan Kemp clipped a cross to Remeao Hutton on the edge of the area. He looked to volley the ball first time but Christy Pym got across his line to make the save.

Town then took the lead after 37 minutes when Kemp clipped a free-kick into the path of Jake Young, whose volley spun away from Pym and into the back of the net.

The Stags almost levelled up before the break as Rhys Oates broke into space down the left and picked out Aaron Lewis, but his first-time effort was well saved by Murphy Mahoney.

Mansfield were then level four minutes after the break as half-time substitute Lucas Akins raced in behind Swindon and finished low into the corner.

Deep into stoppage time, Young won it for Swindon as he tapped home from close range after Charlie Austin's header had come back off the crossbar.

 

Oh dear. Shall we give The Grambler a chance to make amends? Of course we shall...

Game - Result - Odds

Norwich vs Preston - Home win - 19/20

Stoke vs Sheffield Wed - Home win - Evens

Orient vs Derby - Away win - 19/20

Peterborough vs Oxford - Home win - 20/23

Wycombe vs Shrewsbury - Home win - 10/11

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£12.90

That’s better... not too whopping, but whopping enough.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Santo Domingo, Equador in 2001. A defensive midfielder, I began my senior career at Independiente del Valle, before moving to Brighton. I recently moved to Chelsea for the highest ever transfer fee between British clubs.

Answer - Moisés Caicedo

2. Which country has qualified for the UEFA European Championships in 2024 for the first time in its history?

Answer - Albania

3. Who is the last man to have won the FA Cup as both a player and a manager?

Answer - Mikel Arteta

4. Aston Villa has plans to upgrade Villa Park. Its current capacity is 42,530; what is the planned capacity for the stadium after redevelopment.

Answer - 50,000

5. Another anagram? Why not. Here’s an English footballer...

HIP FONDLE

Answer - Phil Foden

Let’s have five for this week...

1. Who am I?

I was born in Barcelona in 1995. A goalkeeper, I began my career at Blackburn Rovers before moving to Brentford. I am currently on loan to another Premier League club. I have been capped for Spain three times.

2. Which club plays its home games at Portman Road?

3. Who is the only man to have won the Scottish Premiership, Scottish Cup and Scottish League as a player and as a manager?

4. Which is the last club to have joined the (English) Football League for the first time?

5. Another anagram; this time a Scottish player...

SENSE OUR GAMES

There you have it; five teasers to test you. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...

£74,057

You may have spotted that the figure has been boosted significantly from the last edition of your favourite ill-informed blog.  The reason is that last week we ran another Singalongabingo which raised nearly £1,400 for the fund.  Thanks to everybody who came along to enjoy a terrific, fun-filled night.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am grateful to a Mr N. Innes who prompted this week’s finishing piece, Eric Idle’s brilliant parody of the story of The Beatles, or in this case, The Rutles. Neil Innes wrote all the songs that you hear and every one could have been an actual Beatles tune, so perfect is his mimicry. I make no apologies for using this on more than one occasion, but it precedes any spoof rock documentaries such as This is Spinal Tap or The Bad News Bears and, in my view, is better than either of them. Ladeez and genullum, please enjoy All You Need is Cash.

 

 

 

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.