Friday 27 January 2017

Week 25 - The Grambler remembers Allo Allo


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

I heard in the news that the world of the business known as show has lost another star. Gordon Kaye. My first reaction was... who? My second reaction on hearing that his most famous character was Rene from Allo Allo was... oh god yes. That awful piece of crap. It was the worst programme ever to be shown in the name of comedy. And he was in it. Er... that’s it. Oh, I nearly forgot, a tree fell on him once. [It’s hardly likely to fall on him twice, is it? - Ed.]
Wait a minute, I hear you say. Wasn't Allo Allo the comedy sitcom that ran for ten years, nine series and a total of 85 episodes, including two Christmas specials? How can that be considered to be the worst comedy programme ever?
I'll tell you why. The situation. That's what makes it the worst comedy ever. How could anyone ever consider the resistance movement in Nazi occupied France during the Second World War to be a suitable subject to make fun of?  Those who were involved in the resistance risked torture or death if ever they were caught. Hardly laugh a minute stuff.
Ah, you counter, but what about Dad's Army? That was a sitcom based on the antics of a home guard unit in the same war; surely that also shouldn't have been considered a fit subject to be laughed at.
I disagree. [Who the hell are you talking to? - Ed.] The home guard units were considered daft by many even during the war. Remember, the men who formed the home guard or local defence volunteers were those that were either too young or too old to fight as soldiers. Many of the older members had fought in the Great War. Some had even fought in the Boer war. This disparate mob was supposed to protect us in the event of an invasion? Rob Wilton based his wartime comedy routines on the silliness of the concept.  Here he is explaining to his wife his role in the home guard...
'... I says, I'm going to stop Hitler's army invading. She says, what on your own. I says no, there's seven or eight of us.'
Also in Dad's Army's favour is the fact that it was a British comedy aimed at British viewers, many of whom had been part of the home guard and (strangely) had fond memories of the time. The French resistance?  How can the heroics of a group of brave individuals who risked their lives trying to thwart a regime as brutal as the Nazis be thought to be in the least bit amusing to the British public?
David Croft, who came up with the idea, perhaps had a bet with a mate down the pub that he could make a comedy out of anything no matter how serious the subject. Maybe he had seen the film The Producers and its Springtime for Hitler show.  Obviously, Croft’s proposal for a sitcom about the cruelty of Vlad the Impaler was considered a bit too frivolous. What about the Ku Klux Klan and its atrocities? Far too lightweight. Genocide in Russia and China? Apartheid? Terrorism? Why didn't they get the comedy treatment, then?
The reason is the same as the reason that Allo Allo should never have been commissioned. There is nothing funny about death and torture.
To me, Allo Allo is the low-point of British comedy; an embarrassment from start to finish. The sad thing is, I am in the minority here. Millions watched this awful programme week after week, series after series and thought it hilarious.
I think I have an idea for a comedy. It revolves around these Jewish people imprisoned in a walled city with no food or water and their hilarious antics trying to escape. I've even come up with a title... Ghetto me out of here.
All right. I apologise. That is bad taste in the extreme. What a pity nobody at the Beeb Beeb Ceeb realised the same about Allo Allo when that idea was first put to them.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

There isn’t much happens in Orkney. There can’t be if the big story of the week is anything to go by. The main news item is that a library book has been returned 43 years late. Yawn. That isn’t the record for lateness. In Ireland in 2012 one was returned after 80 years and in 2016 a Hereford school library book was returned after 120 years.

Apparently, the fine was waived for all of them. Thank goodness. The Orkney one would, by my dodgy reckoning, have a fine of £447 to pay if 20 pee per week overdue is the going rate. The Irish one £832 (sorry, meant 707 euros) and the Hereford one a crazy £1248.

It's hard to believe isn't it?  Not the fact that someone should have returned a library book after 43 years, but that Orkney still has a library.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 28th of January? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Henry VII 1457 (Number VIII’s dad. The last king of England to gain the crown in the field of battle when his troops beat those of Richard III on Bosworth Field. See? Educational this is.), Henry Morton Stanley 1841 (presumptuous journalist.), Artur Rubenstein 1887 (Ivory tickler.), Jackson Pollock 1912 (Major figure in the abstract expressionist art movement, it says here.), Harry Corbett 1918 (Bye bye, everybody. Bye bye.), Ronnie Scott 1927 (Club owner.), Bernard ‘Acker’ Bilk 1929 (Trad jazz man. He wrote and performed 1962’s biggest-selling record which spent 50 weeks in the charts. Why am I telling you this? So that I can give you this week’s first clip... Ladeez and gennulum, I give you Stranger on the Shore.), Roy Clarke 1930 (TV scriptwriter. He has penned, ahem, The Misfit, The Growing Pains of PC Penrose, Open All Hours, Rosie, Potter, The Magnificent Evans and Keeping Up Appearances. He also gave us the long-running sitcom of three silly old men behaving like big kids. [What? Top Gear? - Ed.] No, not Top Gear. The original programme that Top Gear was obviously based on... Last of the Summer Wine which ran from 1973 to 2010, 31 series in all.), David Lodge 1935 (Rather good author.), Alan Alda 1936 (Hawkeye.), Dick Taylor 1943 (Trivia. Taylor was a founding member of the Pretty Things, but had previously been the bassist for the Rolling Stones who he had left to go to art college. Not the best decision, perhaps. Actually, the Pretty Things were a much underrated band. By 1968 they were producing music that was very much a forerunner of Prog Rock. Ladeez and gennulum, if you have 45 minutes to spare, enjoy S.F. Sorrow.), John Tavener 1944 (Musical landlord.), Robert Wyatt 1947 (Soft Machine and Matching Mole - from the French machine molle which means soft machine - drummer and singer. Had a hit with this... All together now... I thought love was only true in fairy tales... ), Nicolas Sarkozy 1955 (Little French President.), Frank Skinner 1957 (Chat chat chat. Laugh laugh laugh. A Flint Street reference there.), Gianluigi Buffon 1978 (Footy bloke.), Jamie Carragher 1978 (Another footy bloke. My absolute favourite football pundit. [I presume you are being sarcastic? - Ed.] Indeed I am.), Papa Bouba Diop 1978 (Yet another footy bloke.), Nick Carter 1980 (Singer, songwriter, actor, dancer, record producer, author and video director... In fact, a right old smarty boots.), Elijah Wood 1981 (Hobbit with huuuge eyes.) and Jessica Ennis-Hill 1986 (Runny, jumpy, chucky woman.).

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did we do last week? We got some money back. Not much, though. £1.98. So, we actually lost 22 pees. What happened? Read on...

 

Aston Villa vs Preston - Prediction Home win

Result - Aston Villa 2 Preston 2

Ooh! ’It the bar!

The hosts were in control at half-time as Albert Adomah first tapped home the opener and then converted a penalty after being fouled by Aiden ‘I’m Irish, honest’ McGeady.

But Jordan Hugill found the top corner after a mazy run and then headed in McGeady's cross from close range to level.

 

Blackburn vs Birmingham - Prediction Home win

Result - Blackburn 1 Birmingham 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

City were in front inside three minutes as keeper Jason Steele brought down David Cotterill and Lukas Jutkiewicz converted the penalty.

Rovers levelled in first-half stoppage time when Danny Graham swept in from 10 yards after Derrick Williams' cut-back.

 

Cardiff vs Burton Albion - Prediction Home win

Result - Cardiff 1 Burton 0

Yay!

Rhys Healey flashed home a header after Burton failed to clear a free-kick in stoppage time. Er... that’s it.

 

Derby vs Reading - Prediction Home win

Result - Derby 3 Reading 2

Yay!

John Swift put Reading ahead from close range before Darren Bent levelled with Derby's only effort before the break.

Tom Ince, met a Craig Bryson pass to make it 2-1.

Will Hughes swept in a third as the Rams held on, with Yakou Meite pulling one back before Reading had Jordan Obita sent off for a second yellow.

 

Huddersfield vs Ipswich - Prediction Home win

Result - Huddersfield 2 Ipswich 0

Yay!

Isaiah Brown put the Terriers into the lead towards half-time with a curling shot past Dean ‘Pickle’ Gerken.

Christopher ‘Liftman’ Schindler doubled the score after the break, pouncing close-in after Gerken saved a Philip Billing shot.

 

Three out of five predictions spot on and we still didn’t get all our stake money back. It was just unfortunate that the results The Grambler got right had really short odds. Oh well. What can he/she/it come up with this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Bristol Rovers vs Swindon - Prediction Home win - 3/4

Bolton vs Charlton - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Carlisle vs Barnet - Prediction Home win - 19/20

Portsmouth vs Exeter - Prediction Home win - 3/4

Yeovil vs Doncaster - Prediction Away win - 11/10

 

All matches kick off at 3pm on Saturday the 28th of January. The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£11.92

Hmm. Reasonably whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you what Tommy Hutchison did to enter the record books in the FA Cup final of 1981. As I said, the match had to be replayed because the first ended in a one all draw after extra time. What was his claim to fame? He was the first player to score for both sides in an FA Cup final... Indeed, he was also the first player to score all the goals in a drawn match. [What if it’s a goalless draw? Eh? Answer that smartypants. - Ed.]

One for this week? One from way way back. Again, it is a question about the FA Cup. In which year was the FA Cup first won by a team that contained no players to have been capped at full international level? It was also the first time a team from outside the top division of English football won the cup. Second part of this week’s teaser? Name that team.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign
 
…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Mr R. Clarke, one of our birthday celebrants. As mentioned in the birthday honours, he wrote Last of the Summer Wine for a staggering 37 years, making it the longest-running sitcom ever. It beat its nearest rival, Only Fools and Horses, by 15 years. Towards the end of its days, Last of the Summer Wine became something of a last hurrah for any old comedy actors. The comedy also became broader and a bit sillier over the years. It began in 1973 as a programme about three old pals - one a complete layabout, one an ex-military man and one recently widowed and made redundant - who just spent the long days doing little but pontificate about life. Take a look at this week’s finishing link of the very first episode which was screened as part of a BBC Comedy Playhouse series before it got the go-ahead from the bigwigs at the Beeb. It was far gentler and subtler than the later more frenetic programmes. I hope you enjoy it (Apologies for the advertising breaks every so often. Outwith my control.)

 

 

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday 20 January 2017

Week 24 - A gramble on the Donald Trump inauguration


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

Hello girls and boys. Are you grambling comfortably? Then I'll begin.

Once upon a time there were three billy goats called Gruff; Little Billy-goat Gruff, Big Billy-goat Gruff and Medium-sized Billy-goat Gruff.

They lived on a grassy hill near a river. Over the river was a small wooden bridge, but under that bridge lived a troll who could best be described as being aesthetically challenged. Not the best looking troll, for sure. Indeed, he was a paragon of ugliness. Not that his looks should have anything to do with this story, but you know what story writers are like; the perceived baddie has to be lacking in the looks department. That is a bit unfair on those that haven't got perfect teeth, nose, complexion and hair though, isn't it?

Anyway, these billy-goats I mentioned earlier were quite shallow individuals and they viewed the troll's lack of looks as equating to evil. Hey, they were goats; I never said they were particularly bright. However, they hadn't thought much about reserving food for the future and had greedily eaten all the grass on their side of the river. The only place where there was plenty of grass to eat was on the other side of the river and to get to that grass they would have to cross the bridge under which lived our friend, the troll. And as they thought he was an evil so and so, they didn't much fancy the idea. Eventually, starvation meant that they had to attempt to cross the bridge.

Little Billy-goat Gruff went first, which was a bit cruel when you come to think of it. Surely, if they feared old trolly, the bigger goats ought to have volunteered to go first, but no, they sent the tiny one.

Any road up, Little bravely attempts to cross the bridge. Trip trap, trip trap went his little hooves. On hearing this, the troll shouts, 'Who's crossing my bridge?' And who could blame him? It was the roof of his abode, after all.

'It's me, Little Billy-goat Gruff,' said Little Billy-goat Gruff, which was, of course, true. 'Don't eat me,' said Little Billy-goat Gruff, 'look at me. I'm tiny and skinny with it. Tell you what, why don't you wait for my big brother? He's bigger and got more meat on him.'

You little b******, thought the troll and he said to goaty, 'You mean to say, you would sacrifice your big brother to save your own skin?'

'Of course. I may be little, but I'm not stupid.'
So the troll let him pass. There was a bit of logic there, he thought.

Seeing his sibling get safely across the bridge, Medium-sized Billy-goat Gruff thought he would try the same trick. Off he trip trapped across the bridge and, as happened with his younger brother, he was confronted by Mr Troll. 'Who's that trip trapping across my bridge?'

'It's me, Medium-sized Billy-goat Gruff. Please don't eat me. Wait for my big brother. He's got much more meat on him than I have. He'd be far better to eat.'

'You goats like to look after number one don't you? Well, seeing as you drew the short straw when it came to names, off you go then.'
With that, Medium-sized Billy-goat Gruff joined his little brother and started munching away at the grass.

Seeing his brothers had got across safely, Big Billy-goat Gruff decided it was safe to join them. Onto the bridge he went, trip trap etc. 'Who's that trip trapping across my bridge?'

Big Billy-goat Gruff boomed, 'It is I, Big Billy-goat Gruff.'

'You can cut the amateur dramatics, mush,' said the troll, 'you want to hear what them brothers of yours suggested. Honestly, talk about back stabbing!'

'You what?' Said Big Billy-goat Gruff; this wasn't the welcome he expected. 'What are they suggesting?'

'Only that I should let them pass because you would make a far better meal than them.'

'You're making it up'

'No. gen up. They were willing to sacrifice you just to save their own skins.'

'The little b*******! I'll f***ing kill them!'

With that, the Big Billy-goat Gruff raced across the bridge and confronted his brothers. There ensued a great battle as the goats all rammed, bit and generally made a right old mess of each other. On and on they fought until they could fight no more. Mainly because they were dead.

Old trolly lifted the mangled bodies and set about making a smashing goat stew. And as he munched on the first meal of many, he reflected on how stupid, but tasty, goats were.

The end. Did you like that? I just thought it was prefereable to this week’s main news story regarding the inauguration of Mr Trump as the new president of the Yoonadded Stadesa Murca or, as I see it, this.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 21st of January? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Christian Dior 1905 (Religious ruminant mammal.), Karl Wallenda 1905 (Trapezy bloke), Eric Brown 1919 (Famous pilot. Known as ‘Winkle’ to his friends... I thought it best not to ask why.), Telly Savalas 1922 (Who loves you, baby?), Paul Scofield 1922 (Presenter of This Morning. [Some mistake, surely. - Ed.]), Benny Hill 1924 (Comedian, actor, singer/songwriter, sexist - I’m using that as a noun - and racist.), Steve Reeves 1926 (Star of Hercules Unchained. Why do I mention this fact? Because I recall being dragged to the local cinema to see that crap film when I was 4 years old.), Robert Smith aka Wolfman Jack 1938 (A US dj with some unusual patter... ‘Lay your hands on the radio and squeeze my knobs’. Hmm.), Jack Nicklaus 1940 (The only living person other than Royalty to have his image on a Scottish banknote. See below. If you ever find one, it’s worth a mint on ebay.), Placido Domingo 1941 (A tenor - That’s $12.30 at the current exchange rate.), Richie Havens 1941 (Singer. From Steve Hackett’s second solo album, Please Don’t Touch, here is Richie singing How Can I .), Edwin Starr 1942 (Another clip, vicar?  War! Huh! What is it good for? ), Martin Shaw 1945 (Ectaw, dear leddie. Professional.), Julian ‘Pye’ Hastings 1947 (A bit of Caravan. The band. Not a bed or something. That would be daft. Want another clip? From the album Cunning Stunts - snigger - here is the lovely The Show of Our Lives .), Jonathan Meades 1947 (Journo, TV presenter and all-round good chap.), Leslie Charles 1950 (Who? You perhaps know him better as Billy Ocean, the go and get stuffed guy.), Phil Thompson 1954 (Footy bloke. GOOOOAAAAAL!), Geena Davis 1956 (Thelma. Or is it Louise? No, definitely Thelma.), Alex McLeish 1959 (Footy bloke. Managed Motherwell - badly - for a time.), Nicky Butt 1975 (Footy bloke. Stop sniggering you folk from the US who think his name sounds rude.), Emma Bunton 1976 (A Spice Girl.), Phil Neville 1977 (Footy bloke. Brother of Gary. Son of Neville. Honestly. Look it up.), Brian O’Driscoll 1979 (Oirish rugby bloke.) and Dave Kitson 1980 (Footy bloke.).

 

 


 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did we do last week? Badly. Very badly. Very very badly. What went wrong? Everything. Read on...

 

 

Burnley vs Southampton - Prediction Away win

Result - Burnley 1 Southampton 0

Boo!

Would you adam and eve it? Substitute Joey ‘Looney Tunes’ Barton scored the second-half winner on his league return for Burnley, who saw off Southampton.

The 34-year-old had only been on the field for five minutes when he fired in a low 25-yard free-kick which took a deflection before beating keeper Fraser Forster.

 

Birmingham vs Nottingham Forest - Prediction Home win

Result - Birmingham 0 Nottingham 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Chances were few and far between in a poor Championship game at St Andrew's, as Forest failed to land a single effort on target, while Blues only had three. That’s it.

 

Preston vs Brighton - Prediction Away win

Result - Preston 2 Brighton 0

Boo!

Paul Huntington gave Preston the lead when he headed in Paul Gallagher's free-kick at the near post.

Brighton improved after going behind, with Glenn Murray twice going close and Oliver Norwood firing just over.

But Callum Robinson fired in the hosts' second, while Tomer Hemed missed a late penalty for the Seagulls as they failed to turn pressure into goals.

 

Bury vs Peterborough - Prediction Away win

Result - Bury 5 Peterborough 1

What!

James Vaughan scored four goals in 20 minutes as Bury ended their winless run with victory against Peterborough.

Tom Nichols tapped Posh into a fourth-minute lead, only for Vaughan to level three minutes later.

The Shakers striker then fired in three more, becoming the first Bury player to score four in a game since Phil Stant in October 1995.

Substitute George Miller completed the scoring in the 71st minute as Bury romped to their first win in 21 games.

 

Plymouth vs Stevenage - Prediction Home win

Result - Plymouth 4 Stevenage 2

Too little too late.

Plymouth conceded after two minutes against Stevenage as Matt Godden turned in Luke Wilkinson's nod down from close range.

Argyle levelled on 35 minutes through Jordan Slew, again from close range, as he turned in Jake Jervis' effort from Graham Carey's corner.

Jervis put Argyle ahead for the first time in the 42nd minute, swivelling on Connor Smith's flick-on after Slew's cut-back from the bye-line.

Stevenage restored parity in first-half stoppage time when Steven Schumacher's 30-yard free-kick bounced up to beat Luke McCormick.

On-loan Bristol City striker Arnold Garita turned in playmaker Graham Carey's goal-bound 25-yard drive for Argyle's third goal on 54 minutes at Home Park.

Substitute David Goodwillie made it 4-2 in stoppage time with a close-range tap-in.

 

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. What else can I add? Oh dear. Come on Grambler, give us a better random selection this week. Oh dear. I think The Grambler may have taken the computerised equivilent of a huff. Five selections from the English Championship, all one after the other in the betting list and all home wins? Oh dear.

Game - Result - Odds

Aston Villa vs Preston - Prediction Home win - 21/20

Blackburn vs Birmingham - Prediction Home win - 5/4

Cardiff vs Burton Albion - Prediction Home win - 5/6

Derby vs Reading - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Huddersfield vs Ipswich - Prediction Home win - 7/10

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£13.05

Hmm. Still a bit too whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which player was awarded the Ballon D’Or in its inaugural year of 1956. The answer was Stanley Matthews who, at the age of 40, narrowly beat Alfredo Di Stefano for the prize of European Footballer of the Year. He played on for another 10 years as a professional, playing his final game five days after his 50th birthday. He played his last game in 1985 when, at the age of 70, he turned out for the England Veterans XI vs Brazil Veterans XI which Brazil won 6-1. Matthews damaged his cartilage during the match. He claimed this cut short his promising career.

I also stated that only three others born in the same country had won the Ballon D’Or. The three Englishmen were Bobby Charlton, Kevin Keegan (who won it twice) and Michael Owen.

One for this week? The 1981 FA Cup final had to be replayed after a 1 - 1 draw (after extra time) between Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur. City’s Tommy Hutchison entered the record books in that first game. What was his claim to fame?

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a bookshop somewhere in Glasgow where I recently found this ‘bargain’ in the reduced-price bin.

 

 


 

Can’t imagine why the price was reduced.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday 14 January 2017

Week 23 - The Grambler salutes Signor Ranieri... again


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

Well, would you adam and eve it? The very week I suggested that Cristiano Ronaldo might be a bit miffed at only being considered the second best player in the world, he goes and wins the FIFA award as the world’s greatest player. His already inflated ego will have gone up another 50 psi (3.44 bar/344000 pascal if you want the SI equivalent) or so.

The awards go to players, managers and even fans... Well done the supporters of Liverpule and Borussia Dortmund who shared first spot. I can’t believe Iceland only came third!

Anyway, the votes are cast by players, managers, journos, fans and various folk around the world associated with the beautiful game.

23 players were short-listed for the final vote. Ronaldo came top with over 34 per cent and Lionel Messi was second-placed with 26. There was a huge gap between second and third with Frenchman Antoine Griezzmann on 7.5 per cent.

Only two Brits made the final shortlist. Wales’ Gareth Bale came in at sixth spot pop pickers with 4.6 per cent of the vote while Englishman Jamie Vardy is at number 15 with 0.81 per cent. Orl right? Not half. [Apologies to any of you younger readers who don’t understand these references to Alan ‘Fluff’ Freeman’s style of presenting the charts. - Ed.] Well done lads. Vardy got the nod ahead of other notables Neuer, Ramos, Ibrahimovic, De Bruyne, Kante and Aguero. Even the World’s most expensive player, Monsieur Pogba only managed 19th spot. Dimitri Payet must be feeling properly deflated; he came last of the 23 nominees with 0.17 per cent of the vote.

The voting system asks each player/manager/hanger-on to vote for their top three. Some of the results look a bit odd. Paul Pogba only received one vote as top choice; that came from a representative of Lesotho, of all places. The same thing happened with Aguero whose only top spot came from the Grenada rep.

Other telling votes came from England manager Gareth Southgate and France manager Didier Deschamps. Neither picked any player from his own country. It doesn’t say much about their opinion of their own teams.

Another category was to compile a team of the year where a dream team of the eleven best players was chosen. Only one place in that team went to someone who played outside the Spanish league: goalkeeper Manuel Neuer of Bayern Munich. This strikes me as odd given that Neuer comes into the individual player category at number 16 whereas Juventus goalie Gianluigi Buffon is number 8.

Lionel Messi voted for three of his team-mates as his top three players. Ronaldo voted for only one of his: Gareth Bale. If he’d had his way, Ronaldo would probably have voted for himself. Do I paint a picture of a vain man?

My favourite category? This week’s title has already given that away. Yes, Leicester City’s Claudio Ranieri came top of the Men’s Coaches vote. Yay! Real Madrid’s Zinedine Zidane was second and the Portuguese national side’s coach Fernando Santos took third spot, in case you are interested. Well, done Signor Ranieri.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 14th of January? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Marc Antony 83BC (Roman general... How the hell does anyone know his birthday was January 14th?), Nina Ricci 1883 (Fashion designer. Her company makes that perfume the air of the times.), Hugh Lofting 1886 (House conversion specialist), Hal Roach 1892 (Produced comedy films and B movies or, as he preferred to call them, streamliners.), Bebe Daniels 1901 (Murcan [Merkin? That’s a pubic wig! - Ed.] Ectress. Starred in her first film aged just seven. Made over 230 films in all. Married Ben Lyon and starred in British radio comedies Hi Gang and Life with the Lyons.), Cecil Beaton 1904 (Snapper. Went to the same public school as Evelyn Waugh who, it is reported, bullied him.), William Bendix 1906 (Murcan Ector. Usually played rough and ready types but once actually sang in a film. Do you want to see that moment? All together now... La la la la la la...), Joseph Losey 1909 (Murcan Film director, producer and screenwriter. Blacklisted by the House Un-American Activities Committee and moved to Europe to work.), Warren Mitchell 1926 (It’s yer actual Alf Garnett, see.), Richard Briers 1934 (Comedy ectaw.), Jack Jones 1928 (Murcan singer and wedding cake addict. Here’s another clip for you. Jack singing the song that probably did more for women’s lib than a thousand protest marches ever could - All together now... Hey little girl... ), Alain Toussaint 1938 (Songwriter... Working in the Coalmine, Ride Your Pony, Southern Nights were all his. Here he is performing another, a hit with Northern Soul types, Fortune teller.), Trevor Nunn 1940 (Not a real nun. Whoever heard of a nun called Trevor?), Faye Dunaway 1941 (Murcan Ectress. Appeared in The Thomas Crown Affair of 1968 and The Thomas Crown Affair remake of 1999.), Bill Werbeniuk 1947 (Snookery bloke.), Emily Watson 1967 (An appropriate adult, apparently.), James Smith 1968 (Who? Oh, LL Cool J which stands for ‘Ladies love cool James.’ Modest he ain’t.), Dave Grohl 1969 (Ex Nirvana drummer and fighter of foo. Want to see the best promo video ever? Ladeez and gennulum here are the Foo Fighters and Learn to fly.), Bert Konterman 1971 (Footy bloke.), Cory Gibbs 1980 (Murcan footy bloke.), Victor Valdes 1982 (Footy bloke.), Adam Clayton 1989 (Footy bloke.) and Robbie Brady 1992 (Oirish footy bloke.)

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did we do last week? We won. Well, we won a bit. £3.36 return from our £2.20 bet. Better than a slap in the mush. Let’s see how the games went. Read on...

 

 

Bradford vs Chesterfield - Prediction Home win

Result - Bradford 2 Chesterfield 0

Yay!

Mark Marshall put Bradford in front after 22 minutes when he received the ball on the right from Josh Cullen and cut into the penalty area before scoring with a superb right-foot shot low into the far corner of the net.

Ched Evans twice went close to equalising for Chesterfield. First, he took advantage of a mix-up between Bradford captain Romain Vincelot and fellow defender Nathaniel Knight-Percival (Cracking name of the week, methinks.) before slipping the ball out to Reece Mitchell on the left and then just failing to connect when Mitchell returned the ball into the box.

He then latched on to former Bradford midfielder Gary Liddle's pass only to see his low, right-foot shot rebound off the post.

Marshall and ex-Motherwell man Nicky Law then had shots saved by Ryan Fulton before Bradford doubled their lead in the 44th minute when Cullen's low cross from the right was met by the on-rushing Jordy Hiwula, who fired the ball into the net from close range.

 

Bristol Rovers vs Northampton - Prediction Home win

Result - Bristol Rovers 5 Northampton Town 0

Yay!

Ellis Harrison struck a hat-trick inside seven first-half minutes and ended with four goals as Bristol Rovers thrashed Northampton 5-0 at The Memorial Stadium.

Harrison's first three strikes came between the 17th and 24th minutes as Rovers brushed aside the visitors, who showed little appetite for the fight.

Rovers had taken the lead after seven minutes with a well-struck right-foot shot from the edge of the penalty area by Billy Bodin, which gave visiting keeper Adam Smith no chance.

Harrison headed his first from James Clarke's right-wing cross and it was 3-0 to Rovers after 21 minutes as Chris Lines' corner was headed back across goal by Mark McChrystal and Harrison bundled the ball across the line from close range.

Harrison completed his treble three minutes later when Lee Brown crossed from the left and the striker backheeled the ball into the net.

The points were sealed when Harrison shot his fourth in the 54th minute.

 

Scunthorpe vs Bury - Prediction Home win

Result - Scunthorpe 3 Bury 2

Yay!

Full-back Harry Toffolo set the ball rolling in the eighth minute, finding the back of the net with a deflected shot from 25 yards.

After 19 minutes they doubled their lead when former Bury player Stephen Dawson raced clear from the halfway line and fired into the bottom corner.

Against the run of play the Shakers pulled a goal back four minutes before half-time via George Miller's deflected shot.

Crucially there was still time for Josh Morris to crack the ball home direct from a free-kick and restore the hosts' two-goal advantage.

Bury took the game to the Iron after the break and were rewarded when substitute Kelvin Etuhu squeezed a 67th-minute shot inside the post but they could not find an equaliser despite some decent periods of pressure.

 

Southend vs Sheffield Utd - Prediction Away win

Result - Southend 2 Sheffield Utd 4

Yay!

The Blades took the lead after just three minutes when Ethan Ebanks-Landell headed home Mark Duffy's left-wing cross but the Shrimpers hit back to equalise in the 19th minute when Simon Cox converted from Marc-Antoine Fortune's pass.

Southend then enjoyed their best spell of the game with Anthony Wordsworth having a 20-yard shot tipped over by Simon Moore before the visitors regained the lead in the 42nd minute as Jack O'Connell converted a Duffy free-kick.

Former Southend loan striker Caolan Lavery made it 3-1 in the 72nd minute with a powerful left-footed shot and - just four minutes later - he also set up Kieron Freeman to score.

But the Shrimpers continued to fight and netted an 88th-minute consolation with substitute Jermaine McGlashan on target.

 

Swindon vs Shrewsbury - Prediction Home win

Result - Swindon 1 Shrewsbury 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Both teams were reduced to 10 men in the second half at the County Ground, referee Nigel Miller sending off Shrewsbury debutant Aristote Nsiala before then later red-carding Robins midfielder James Brophy.

The game came to life in the 51st minute when Swindon's Luke Norris found himself facing an empty net before being fouled in the area by defender Nsiala, which led to a straight red card.

John Goddard stepped up to rifle the penalty past goalkeeper Jayson Leutwiler, who dived the right way but could not prevent the ball rippling the back of the net.

Brophy was then given his marching orders in the 70th minute, picking up a second yellow card for a challenge on Freddie Ladapo.

Mat Sadler claimed a dramatic equaliser in the 80th minute when his header bounced down off of the underside of the crossbar before the linesman waved his flag to signal it had crossed the line.

Flippin’ barmy linesman! That decision cost The Grambler a full house! Should’ve gone to Specsavers!

 

So close and yet so far. Right what has The Grambler randomly picked for us this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Burnley vs Southampton - Prediction Away win - 6/5

Birmingham vs Nottingham Forest - Prediction Home win - Evens

Preston vs Brighton - Prediction Away win - 21/20

Bury vs Peterborough - Prediction Away win - Evens

Plymouth vs Stevenage - Prediction Home win - Evens

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£15.61

Ooer... That’s a bit too whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you how many games did Portugal win in 90 minutes at the finals of Euro 2016. The answer was one. They beat Wales 2 - 0 in the semi final. They hardly won the tournament in a convincing manner. They got through the group stages by neither winning nor losing a game. They beat Croatia 1 - 0 after extra time in the last 16 stage. They drew 1 - 1 with Poland in the quarter final, but won 5 - 3 in the penalty shootout. In the final the beat France 1 - 0 after extra time.

One for this week? Okay, Ronaldo can now tell his son that he has the most gifted, charismatic father to currently grace the game of footy, having been awarded the FIFA World Player of the Year accolade for 2016. The forerunner to the FIFA award was the Ballon d’Or which was first awarded 60 years ago. Two teaser questions for you... Who won that first trophy back in 1956? I won’t tell you his nationality, but only three others born in the same country have won the Ballon d’Or... Can you name them? [No. I win. - Ed.]

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign



…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Messrs S. Laurel and O. Hardy for this week’s final clip from a film directed by birthday boy Hal Roach. To me, it is the funniest moment from any film they ever made.  See if you agree.

 
 

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday 6 January 2017

Week 22 - The Grambler on Cristiano Ronaldo


Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy

 

There are some professions which most of us, well, anyone not associated with that particular line of work, just love to hate. Estate agents. There’s one. Why do they exist? Face it, they don’t serve any useful purpose other than provide an extra layer of payment when a house sale is made...

HOUSE BUYER TO ESTATE AGENT: ‘I would like to buy this house.’

ESTATE AGENT TO LAWYER: ‘This man would like to buy this house.’

LAWYER TO ESTATE AGENT: ‘Tell him okay.’

ESTATE AGENT TO HOUSE BUYER: ‘Okay.’

That, to me, is how the system works.

Actually, lawyers also come into the category of professions we love to hate. Basically, they make the rules by which we live. If somebody doesn’t adhere to those rules, the legal eagles swoop into action (Do you see what I did there?). They operate a bit like a taxi; as soon as you begin using their services, the meter is running. But lawyers really do have the system stitched up to suit them. If you break the law, you need the services of a lawyer. If you are on the receiving end of lawbreaking activity and want reparations (That’s a good word. Must look it up.), you need the services of a lawyer. It’s a double whammy!

Yes, estate agents and lawyers are very good at inflicting pain of the financial kind. Another profession which is very good at that is dentistry... with the added bonus that dentists do actually inflict pain.

The reason for this week’s (g)ramble is that I recently paid a visit to a new (to me) dentist and had to have a filling, for which I paid rather a lot of money. A week or so after the filling went in, it was out again. I could understand that happening if I had been chewing a toffee, but I wasn’t. It just fell out. One minute in; next minute out. I could see the old cheque book having to come out again because, if I had the filling replaced, it was likely that the dentist would charge me. I was sure of it. Why? Pull up a chair; I’ll tell ee...

Some years ago, I went to my dentist for a six-monthly check-up. There was one tooth that had some decay. Well, a lot of decay. So, Mr Dentist advised that I should have a filling. He drilled and filled... and filled.... and filled. It was a large filling. When he had finished, I was charged a lot of money. For the next few days, I had pain from the tooth. At first, I assumed that it was the fact that it had been such a big filling that was causing the problem but, after a few days of agony, I had to return to see Mr Dentist. ‘Root treatment,’ he declared. So he drilled and drilled and jabbed and stabbed and, finally, filled the tooth. After he had finished, I was charged a lot of money; more than the first time because root treatment doesn’t come cheap. So I went away thinking that all would be well. It wasn’t. All was anything but well. Not only was the tooth causing me more pain than ever, my neck was swelling up with the abcess caused by it. I looked like I had the mumps. Unfortunately, this problem occurred over the weekend period when the dentist was not available, so I had to suffer. Eventually, I got to see him. ‘Hmm... I’ll give you a prescription for antibiotics, then come back to see me,’ he said. So, I got the antibiotics (for which I had to pay) and, after taking them for a few days, went back to see him. Do you know what he did? He only fn well extracted the offending tooth. And do you know what else he did? He fn well charged me for doing it! Thus, a tooth that hadn’t been causing me any pain prior to my visits to the dentist had caused me plenty of pain, both actual and financial, by the time he had finished with it.

Since that debacle (I’m full of good words today) I have moved to another dental practice. This has a bright, airy waiting area and the surgery itself is full of new-looking equipment. It all looks rather plush and expensive.

You can imagine my thoughts as I headed to this dentist earlier this week to have the repair carried out. Would I have any money left at the finish of the treatment? Would I still have a tooth at the end of the treatment? The dentist came up with all sorts of reasons why the filling hadn’t held firm. For reasons, read excuses. Any road up, he set to and after ten minutes or so, a new filling was in place. He led me out to the reception area and told the lady behind the desk that it was a repair job. He then shook me by the hand and bid me farewell and looked forward to seeing me in six months. He is certainly polite, I’ll say that. However, I was thinking, I’ll bet you’ll look forward to seeing me if you get double payment for every job. Anyway, I made an appointment with the receptionist and was waiting with my wallet in my hand. She simply repeated what the dentist had said. ‘Nothing to pay?’ I asked. ‘Not for a repair job. See you in six months. Bye.’

I left the practice in a state of shock. Did that really happen? I have an ethical dentist? I feel I ought to be giving his practice a bit of free advertising, but that is against The Grambler’s (unwritten) rules. Let’s just say that I left the dentist with a ‘Smile’ on my face.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Footy news? Alexis Sanchez's pent-up frustrations at Arsenal boiled over in the most public of manners this week. After a blow to their Premier League title hopes at Bournemouth when the teams drew, the energetic and ambitious [For ambitious, read greedy? - Ed.] forward threw his gloves to the ground and headed for the tunnel in a huff. Once back in the dressing room Sanchez quietly fumed, barely speaking to team-mates.

You know what I’m going to add don’t you? Gloves? What a wimp!

 
 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Another footy story revolves around Madeira’s favourite son, Cristiano Ronaldo. He has this to say about his son, Cristiano Jnr, being teased about his not-quite-so-brilliant father... ‘People tell my son 'there is another player who is better than your dad' - I tell him to be polite... There are jealous people out there.’ The boy is six for fu... goodness’ sake! Any child of that age assumes that his father is the best in the world at absolutely everything. I doubt if anyone has ever said that to the boy. It’s probably Mr Ronaldo senior that still doesn’t like being labelled as just the second best player in the world.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 7th of January? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Al Bowlly 1899 (The original pop star. Want a clip? Why not? Here he is in 1934 with The Very Thought of You. ), Francis Poulenc 1899 (A composer. Let’s have a sample of his work. Ladeez and gennulum, I give you you Melancholie. ), Charles Addams 1912 (Cartoonist. You will know his most famous creation. You will. Go on. Have a guess.*), Gerald Durrell 1925 (Naturalist, zookeeper, conservationist, author and television presenter... In fact, a right old clever clogs.), Hunter Davies 1936 (Author. Wrote the first authorised biography of the Beatles.), Ian La Frenais 1936 (Scriptwriter. With Dick Clement gave us The Likely Lads - and sequel, Porridge - and sequel, Lovejoy and Auf Weidersehen, Pet.), Danny Williams 1942 (Singer, sometimes called ‘Britain’s Johnny Mathis’. Want another clip? All together now... Mooooon River. ), Kenny Loggins 1948 (Inventor of the way to switch on a computer.), Malcolm Macdonald 1950 (Whorr! It’s Malcolm... One for Jasper Carrott fans there.), David Caruso 1956 (Murcan Ector.), Nicolas Kim Coppola 1964 (Who? Oh, Nicolas Cage. Francis Ford Coppola’s nephew.), Nick Clegg 1967 (I was deputy prime minister once, you know.), Andy Burnham 1970 (Another politician.), Lewis Hamilton 1985 (Racey car bloke.) and Eden Hazard 1991 (Footy bloke.).

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move on to grambling matters. How did we do last week? Badly. Very badly. Let’s see how the games went. Read on...

 

Huddersfield vs Blackburn - Prediction Home win

Result - Huddersfield 1 Blackburn 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

In a game dominated by the hosts, Graham nodded in Liam Feeney's cross to put Rovers ahead on 81 minutes

But, after several near misses, Nahki Wells equalised for Huddersfield in the 94th minute.

 

Wolves vs QPR - Prediction Home win

Result - Wolves 1 QPR 2

Boo!

Idrissa Sylla shot the Hoops ahead from Pawel Wszolek's 53rd-minute cross.

Wolves midfielder Edwards levelled when he turned home a cross from Helder Costa on 61 minutes.

But Wszolek then poked home a left-footed shot into the bottom corner.

 

Oxford Utd vs Walsall - Prediction Home win

Result - Oxford 0 Walsall 0

Ooh! ’It the Bar!

Oxford United's first meeting with Walsall for 16 years ended in anti-climax with an uninspiring goalless draw at the Kassam Stadium.

The Saddlers arguably had the better of what few chances there were in a match in which defences were very much on top.

 

Peterborough vs Coventry - Prediction Home win

Result - Peterborough 1 Coventry 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

The struggling Sky Blues were on course for victory after skipper Jordan Willis converted a Chris McCann cross in the 19th minute.

While the captain’s effort did prove enough to snap a run of seven successive League One defeats, Michael Bostwick's dramatic equaliser in added time denied Coventry that victory.

 

Plymouth vs Crawley Town - Prediction Home win

Result - Plymouth 2 Crawley 0

A belated Yay!

Second-half goals from Oscar Threlkeld and substitute Craig Tanner were enough for Plymouth to beat Crawley and move back to the top of League Two.

 

Oh well, let’s see if The Grambler can improve a bit this week [He/she/it couldn’t do any worse. - Ed.].

Game - Result - Odds

Bradford vs Chesterfield - Prediction Home win - 1/2

Bristol Rovers vs Northampton - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Scunthorpe vs Bury - Prediction Home win - 9/20

Southend vs Sheffield Utd - Prediction Away win - 17/20

Swindon vs Shrewsbury - Prediction Home win - 11/10

 

Hmm... Five games in English Division One take place this Saturday the 7th of January at 3pm and guess what... The Grambler has picked them all. I foresee trouble. Any road up, the bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£9.39

That’s not particularly whopping, is it?

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which was the only British club to face Alex Ferguson’s Manchester United without ever being beaten. The answer was Southend. Yep. The teams met only once; Southend knocking Man U. out of the Carling Cup back in November 2006. It wasn’t as if Ferguson had done that cocky-Premiershit-manager thing of fielding a sub-standard team against a (supposedly) lesser team. The Man U line-up included O’Shea, Silvestre, Richardson, Fletcher, Rooney and (the world’s second best player) Ronaldo.

One for this week? Having just mentioned Madeira’s most famous son (again), I thought a question relating to his national side would be quite apt. So, cast your minds back a few months to Euro 2016 which Portugal won. This week’s question is, how many games did Portugal win in 90 minutes? That should start a discussion or two down the pub.

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Messrs I. La Frenais and R. Clement for our final link. It is a clip from the 70s sitcom Porridge. Is that all I have to say? Normally, a bit of spiel goes with these clips, to explain why I think it is worth showing. What can I say? It is the only sitcom that I have on DVD(every series and the Christmas Specials). I also have a book which contains every script. The best sitcom ever, in my view. Nothing else comes close.  Enjoy.

 

 

*The Addams Family. Obvious, really.

 

Happy grambling.