Saturday 26 August 2023

Post 485 - Grambling with pineapple chunks?

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Your letters...

Sir,

We have had singing postmen and a singing nun. Have any other professions been so badly paid that the workers have had to augment their wages by taking on a career in show business in this way?

Yours,

A. Smethurst.

[The only one I can think of is the policeman who embarked on a second career of laughing, which doesn’t strike me as being much of a money spinner. - Ed.]

Story time...

Now, you good people out there in gramblerland know that this insightful, hard-hitting blog often attempts to right wrongs... or is that wrong rights? No, I was right the first time. It tackles controversial subjects head on. [Are you talking about this blog? The blog you call the world's greatest ill-informed blog? - Ed.] Well, another 'trend' has caught my ire. And that trend is... toilet blocks. Sorry pardon excuse me what? No... not toilet blockages; toilet blocks - those things that hang inside a toilet bowl and provide a bit of a clean when you flush the loo.

Toilet blocks used to be very simple objects; a disc-like thing with a hole in it that hung on a wire inside the rim. I recall they had a strong but not unpleasant smell. (The same thing is still used in many gents urinals. They smell the same but look like pineapple chunks... I wouldn't recommend eating them, though. ) They worked the same way as all the current ones on the market by slowly dissolving to leave that fresh smell in the loo.

They also lasted a long time; sometimes months.

I think toilet block makers have realised that, much like the bars of soap I spoke of in a previous blog (See Post 481 - A shrinking gramble), large blocks take a long time to dissolve. They have come up with a brilliant wheeze to reduce that time from months to, not weeks, but what seems like days. What have they done? They have reduced the size to a quarter(ish) of the previous block, but to make you think you are not losing out, there are four blocks in a plastic holder that hangs over the rim. However, because of the size difference, they dissolve a lot quicker than the old type. Not only that, but the manufacturer can charge a heck of a lot more for the new ones. Ker-ching!

I can deal with all that. Not too happy to be paying the higher price, more often as well but, as I said, I can, and do, deal with it. What really annoys me though is that when you buy these toilet cleaners they come in a not insubstantial plastic holder. Each time the blocks dissolve, eye ee, frequently, this gets discarded. Why? We are constantly being reminded that plastics are bad for the environment, because they don't biodegrade, and yet here is an object that is quite solid and could easily be used over and over but instead, it is being thrown away.

Daft, Oi calls it.

I have a solution. [You bloody would have. - Ed.] It sounds pretty radical, but it is this... A disc-like toilet block with a hole through it that hangs over the rim on a piece of wire.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 19th of August? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

James Nasmyth 1808 - Engineer and inventor.

Fyfe Robertson 1902 - TV journalist.

Maurice Wilks 1904 - Automotive engineer. He is credited with designing the Land-Rover.

Patience Collier 1910 - Jobbing actress. Betsey Trotwood in David Copperfield (the 1974 TV adaptation).

Rose Heilbron 1914 - High court judge. The first female judge to sit at the Old Bailey.

David Lodge 1921 - Jobbing actor. Sam in Alexander the Greatest. 192 credits on IMDb.

Ivan Owen 1927 - Voice actor. Provided the voice of Basil Brush.

Bernard Levin 1928 - Journalist, author, broadcaster and intellectual.

‘Ah’m an interlectional so ah’m ur.’


Ron Jones 1934 - Athleticky bloke look you.

Richard Ingrams 1937 - Journalist. Co-founder of Private Eye magazine and founding editor of The Oldie.

Peter ‘Ginger’ Baker 1939 - Musician. Known as rock’s first superstar drummer. Have a clip. Here Cream mime to Strange Brew.  Nice perm, Eric.

Roger Cook 1940 - Songwriter who had a few hits in his own right; mainly as co-vocalist in Blue Mink. Here’s a political-ish song which features some very non-politically correct terms, Melting Pot.

Tony Roper 1941 - Actor, comedian, playwright and writer. In fact, a right old smarty boots. He wrote what might well be the most popular Scottish play ever, The Steamie.

Billy J. Kramer 1943 - Singer. What does the J stand for in his name? Nothing, because his real name is William Howard Ashton. I suppose Billy H. Ashton doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. Anyway, here is a track from Billy without his Dakotas, 1941.

Don Fardon 1943 - Singer. Here’s his big hit, Indian Reservation.

Ian Gillan 1945 - Singer and songwriter. Here’s the song with every budding guitarists’ favourite riff (complete with a little interview to explain it), Smoke on the Water.

Christopher Malcolm 1946 - Actor. Justin in Absolutely Fabulous.

Tony Williams 1947 - Musician. One-time bassist with Jethro Tull. I bet you think I’m going to give you a link to a Jethro Tull song, but I’m not going to, because Williams never played on any albums; he only played on tours. However, he was the bassist in a band which had a huge hit with this. All together now... Well, I don't know why I came here tonight...

Jim Carter 1948 - Actor. Mr. Carson in Downton Abbey.

Ian McElhinney 1948 - Actor. Barristan Selmy in Game of Thrones.

Jennie Bond 1950 - Journalist and TV presenter.

John Deacon 1951 - Ex-Queen bassist. Here’s a toon he’s credited with, Another One Bites the Dust.

Jonathan Coe 1961 - Novelist.

Hugh Schofield 1961 - Journalist. Paris correspondent for the Beeb.

Lucy Briers 1967 - Actress. Mrs. Stansfield Rawson in Gentleman Jack.

Paul McGrillen 1971 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell, you know.

Scott Harrison 1977 - Boxy guy.

Darius Campbell Danesh 1980 - Singer and actor. Have a clip. Here’s Kinda Love.

Simon Bird 1984 - Actor, director and producer. Adam Goodman in Friday Night Dinner.

Josh Law 1989 - Footy bloke. Ex-Motherwell, you know.

And now, what about the 26th of August?

Robert Walpole 1676 - The well-known Prime Minister.

Joseph-Michel Montgolfier 1740 - Hot-air balloonist.

Prince Albert 1819 - The well-known consort of Queen Vic.

John Buchan 1875 - Novelist, historian and politician.

Hugh Dalton 1887 - Politician.

Christopher Isherwood 1904 - Novelist.

Gilly Flower 1908 - Actress. Miss Agatha Tibbs in Fawlty Towers.

Willie Ormond 1926 - Fitba guy.

Tony Brent 1927 - Singer. Have a clip. Here’s his best performing toon, Walkin' to Missouri.

Brian Duffy aka Jet Black 1938 - Musician. Drummer with ‘Punk’ band The Stranglers. A clip? Indeed. Here’s the band’s first single, Grip.

Michael Cockerell 1940 - Broadcaster and journalist.

Nik Turner 1940 - Musician. Best known as woodwind player with Hawkwind. He did other stuff, though. Here’s Space Ritual with Otherworld.

Chris Curtis 1941 - Musician. Drummer with The Searchers. I think another clip is in order. Most Searchers’ singles were their take on songs performed by other artists. This, however, was a song written for them by Tony Hatch: Sugar and Spice.

Jane Merrow 1941 - Actress. Anne Hepton in Hadleigh.

Stephen Greif 1944 - Actor. Harry Fenning in Citizen Smith.

Alan Parker 1944 - Musician. As well as composing many themes for TV programmes including Angels, Minder, News at Ten and Coast, he was a session guitarist for - among others - Blue Mink (see above), CCS, The Congregation and Serge Gainsbourg. He also played guitar on this song from Donovan, Hurdy Gurdy Man.

Alison Steadman 1946 - Actress. Sue Jessop in Here We Go.

Don Masson 1946 - Fitba guy.

Dan Cruickshank 1949 - Architectural historian and TV presenter.

Annette Badland 1950 - Actress. Fleur Perkins in Midsomer Murders. 176 credits on IMDb.

Steve Wright 1954 - The British deejay, not the U.S. comedian.

Howard Clark 1954 - Golfy bloke.

Tony Morley 1954 - Footy bloke.

John O’Neill 1957 - Musician. Guitarist and principal songwriter for The Undertones. I think another clip is called for. Here’s one he penned, Jimmy Jimmy.

Annie Holland 1965 - Musician. Bassist and co-founder of Elastica. Another clip? Why not. Here’s Stutter.

Michael Gove 1967 - Politician.

Chris Boardman 1968 - Bike racey bloke.

Gaynor Faye 1971 - Actress. Cheryl in The Syndicate.

Nicky Summerbee 1971 - Footy bloke. Mike’s lad.

Patrick Kennedy 1977 - Actor. Allston Wheatley in The Queen’s Gambit.

Nish Kumar 1985 - Comedian.

Lee Gregory 1988 - Footy bloke.

Kyle Magennis 1998 - Fitba guy.

Scott Tiffoney 1998 - Fitba guy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter; which is nice.

Dear (the late) Grambler Cook,

It was wonderful to hear a track from your group Blue Mink. I know that Melting Pot reached number three in the UK; were any other singles as successful?

Yours fondly,

D. Bannerman.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Kradboles fare? We won. Only kidding. We lost. Not a penny back. What happened? Read on...

 

Newcastle vs Aston Villa - Home win

Result - Newcastle 5 Aston Villa 1

Yay!

Alexander Isak's clinical finishing helped Newcastle United to an emphatic victory against Aston Villa on the opening weekend of the new Premier League campaign.

Newcastle tore into the visitors from the early stages and Sandro Tonali made their dominance count when he converted Anthony Gordon's inviting sixth-minute cross.

Moussa Diaby cancelled out his goal within five minutes, though, beautifully controlling a half volley with his weaker foot after Ollie Watkins' flick on.

But at the culmination of a frantic opening period Isak regained the lead for the Magpies as he slid home Sven Botman's cut-back across the box.

Isak delicately chipped Emiliano Martinez for his second to give the home side a two-goal cushion after Ezri Konsa inexplicably left the ball in his own penalty box.

Callum Wilson added a fourth following a slick passing move and Harvey Barnes raced clear to score, ensuring the Magpies followed up their superb 2022-23 campaign with an ideal start.

Defender Tyrone Mings being carried off on a stretcher during the first half added to Villa's miserable day.

Cardiff vs QPR - Home win

Result - Cardiff 1 QPR 2

Boo!

Sinclair Armstrong's close-range finish put the Rs in front in the first half.

Aaron Ramsey hit the bar as Cardiff pushed for an equaliser but they were picked off on the break as Armstrong teed up Kenneth Paal to score.

Ike Ugbo tapped in to give the hosts hope, while Mark McGuinness hit the bar in the 89th minute, but those efforts were too little too late for Cardiff.

Millwall vs Bristol City - Home win

Result - Millwall 0 Bristol City 1

Boo!

After a fairly quiet first hour the Robins had looked most likely to break the deadlock but it was not until four minutes into added time that Harry Cornick's long-throw broke to skipper Matty James to lash home the only goal.

After a low-key opening 20 minutes, Millwall's Duncan Watmore saw a low shot blocked on the edge of the box by Zak Vyner while Dan McNamara lashed a volley well over Max O'Leary's crossbar after a long throw from Zian Flemming on the half-hour.

At the other end, Joe Williams had an effort charged down and Nahki Wells' shot deflected wide after a corner from James, while Sam Bell then had appeals for a penalty for a challenge by McNamara waved away.

The visitors continued to press after the break and Cam Pring almost slid in a far-post cross from Jason Knight, before George Tanner nodded a corner back into the area only for Bell's header to slip past Matija Sarkic's post.

Bristol City sub Anis Mehmeti cut inside and curled inches past the upright soon after while fellow substitute Cornick had an effort blocked.

O'Leary kept out a free-kick from Millwall replacement George Saville as the Lions almost snatched the win in the 90th minute, with Cornick blocking McNamara's follow-up, and it was Cornick who set-up the winner four minutes later as his long throw eventually dropped for skipper James to lash home a flying volley.

 

Southampton vs Norwich - Home win

Result - Southampton 4 Norwich 4

Ooh! ’It the post!

Adam Armstrong scored a 97th-minute penalty as Southampton hit back to salvage a draw against Norwich City in an astonishing game at St Mary's.

A frantic 16-minute spell before the break began when Josh Sargent headed in Jack Stacey's inviting cross, but Jan Bednarek smashed Saints level from close range and Armstrong's first spot-kick of the afternoon made it 2-1 to the hosts.

The Canaries equalised within two minutes through a breathtaking strike from the outstanding Brazilian Gabriel Sara, who then teed up Jonathan Rowe to nod the visitors ahead before the break.

Substitute Che Adams struck as Saints levelled again, only for fellow substitute Christian Fassnacht to capitalise on some sloppy late defending to fire in what looked like being the winner.

But Armstrong's dramatic intervention ensured neither side was able to maintain their 100% start to the season in a match that ended with 46 attempts on goal.

Watford vs Plymouth - Home win

Result - Watford 0 Plymouth 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

The Hornets started the stronger, Vakoun Bayo volleying just wide and Imran Louza hitting the outside of the post from range as the hosts looked to dominate.

However, Plymouth proved to be plucky opponents and also threatened as Watford goalkeeper Daniel Bachmann looked nervy on the ball and twice presented openings to Ryan Hardie, but the ball would not quite fall for the Scot.

The hosts were denied an opener either side of half-time by brilliant last-ditch defending from Dan Scarr, who blocked to thwart both Ryan Andrews and Bayo as the Pilgrims came away with a deserved point.

 

Let’s just call it a bad day, eh? What has The Grambler come up with this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Burton vs Bolton - Away win - Evens

Oxford vs Charlton - Home win - 10/11

Port Vale vs Carlisle - Home win - 4/5

Wimbledon vs Forest Green - Home win - 20/23

Newport vs Sutton - Home win - 20/21

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£12.26

Well, that’s more whoppinger than last time... Perhaps too whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Maasmechelen, Belgium in 1994. I am a versatile player and have been used as a left winger, an attacking midfielder and also a forward. I began my senior career at Genk and was loaned out to several clubs before moving to Brighton & Hove Albion in 2019. In January 2023, I moved to Arsenal. I have been capped for Belgium 26 times.

Answer - Leandro Trossard

2. Who currently wears the number 9 shirt for Rangers?

Answer - Cyriel Dessers

3. Which Scottish player scored the most Premier League goals last season?

Answer - Che Adams (Southampton)

4. In which country would you find the football stadium with the greatest capacity (150,000 approx.)?

Answer - North Korea. I have been questioned about that, because it is not used solely as a football stadium but has been used for political rallies. I can only counter that many footy stadiums are used for other purposes... Where else would Rod Stewart, Take that and their ilk hold their concerts?

5. Here’s another mix up. Can you name the football team? (The letters are arranged in alphabetical order)

ABCEEMMOR

Answer - Morecambe.

Let’s have some for this week. Are you ready? Let’s go...

1. Who am I?

I was born in Torquay, England in 1995. A forward, I began my senior career at Exeter City (having progressed through the youth ranks). In 2017 I was transferred to Championship club Brentford before moving to my current club, Aston Villa, in 2020 for a fee of £28 million. I have been capped for England seven times.

2. Which Brazilian player scored the most Premier League goals last season?

3. Who scored over 100 goals for both Crystal Palace and Arsenal in the 1980s and 90s?

4. Which English club plays home games at the Bet365 Stadium?

5. Here’s another name jumble. This time, it’s a footballer who was a prolific Premier League goalscorer in his day.

NICE HOME LAW

There you have it; five teasers to test you. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK

 


.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount raised is a little out of date; it is now sitting at...

£71,687

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to Mr. A. Roper for this week’s finishing link. You may remember Tony Roper from Naked Video or as Jamesie Cotter in Rab C. Nesbitt, but this is his Shakespeare moment; a play he wrote which was set very much in the 1950s and very much in Glasgow and is very much what he’ll be remembered for... Ladeez and genullum, I give you The Steamie.

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday 12 August 2023

Post 484 - Leave your gramble after the tone

 Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Your letters...

Sir,

I recently spotted a man who looked exactly like Edward the seventh, the well-known monarch. I later found out that King Edward had been dead for over a hundred years, so it probably wasn’t him.

Yours,

Enid Flytip.

Story time...

A lot of people have been moaning lately... Well, more than usual... about how difficult it is to get a doctor's appointment. Complaints range from not being seen by a gp to not even being able to phone a surgery.

I have been having difficulties with the latter of these. Whenever I try to call the surgery the phone is ringing engaged... Well, it's ringing engaged to me, it's not even ringing at the doctor's. And who is to blame? Me.
Sorry pardon excuse me? And you. What? And him

I shall explain. When I telephone my gp, the number is stored on the phone. I simply press a button and the call is made. When I hear the engaged tone, I press two buttons and I have hung up and already redialled. Brilliant. It means that as soon as the doctor's number becomes free, I'll be right in there. Voosh! No, not voosh. Why not? Because I'm not the only one trying this tactic. There could be hundreds trying the same trick... dozens anyway.

It wasn't such a problem years ago when you had a telephone with an old-fashioned dial. It took a while to actually dial the number so, unless you had a lot of time on your hands, you would try a couple of times and give up to try again later.

Now, however, with the press-two-buttons set up, you can keep dialling for hours on end without it interfering with your activities. Some phones are clever enough that they have auto redial so you don't even need to press two buttons. You simply pick up the phone when you hear it finally ringing out; a bit like those annoying cold callers do.

Even worse, there may be more than one mobile phone in a household, so two or three phones might be doing the constant dial thing at the same time; the first to be heard ringing out will be the one that gets picked up.

All very clever, but also very frustrating because, if you are a person with access to only one telephone and are not fast at the button pressing, you might never get through.

You used to be able to walk into a surgery and speak to the receptionist face to face but that option is no longer available; not since the covid pandemic. And if you are signed up with a practice that hasn't embraced online technology (like the one I go to... there is such a thing as email nowadays you know! Yes, I'm talking to you, Doctor Mackintosh) your only means of contacting a doctor is by phone.

But, as always, I have a solution. [You bloody would have. - Ed.] Of sorts.

You know how a phone is equipped such that certain numbers can't be cotacted. Well, mine is anyway. I have it set up that I can't use my landline to phone a mobile phone. For some strange reason you are charged a fortune to use it to call a mobile. Any road up, if it is possible to set a phone up to not make certain calls, it should be possible to set it up that certain numbers must be dialled every time rather than allow speed dial, or whatever it's called, to be used.

How would it work, you ask. [Okay. How would it work? - Ed.] And I answer, how the f... how would I know. But the concept is this: certain numbers would only be able to be contacted if the person making the call actually dials the number (Yes, I know you don't dial numbers any more, but I'm old-fashioned and I also think you, my loyal readers, are smart enough to know what I'm on about.).

Thus, numbers like 999 or 111 for emergency services could not be stored on a phone; nor would doctors, dentists or any other individuals you might need to contact... erm... hairdressers? Whatever the case, as a certain bonkers ex prime minister might say, it's an absolutely spiffing wheeze.

In fact, I think I should phone the Dragon's Den people, right now... Damn! I've got to dial their number.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 5th of August? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Joseph Merrick 1862 - Famously known as the Elephant Man, Merrick suffered from Proteus syndrome, possibly combined with neurofibromatosis.

John Siddeley 1866 - Motor industry pioneer.

Reginald Owen 1887 - Actor. Admiral Boom in Mary Poppins.

Joan Hickson 1906 - Actress. Miss Marple in TV adaptations of several Agatha Christie novels. She was already 80 years old when she played the role.

John Sharp 1920 - Jobbing actor. Mr Biggins in All Creatures Great and Small.

Carla Lane 1928 - Television writer.

Jeffry Wickham 1933 - Actor. Seemed to specialise in legal types, often unnamed. He was Judge in Heartless, Solicitor General in Yes, Prime Minister and Andrew Flint QC in Crown Court. [Ooh, he got a name in that one. - Ed.].

Wanda Ventham 1935 - Actress. Col. Virginia Lake in UFO.

Alan Howard 1937 - Actor. Oliver Cromwell in The Return of the Muskateers.

Tim Preece 1938 - Writer and actor. Tom Patterson in The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin.

Tam Paton 1938 - N*nc*.

Roger Clark 1939 - Rally driver bloke.

Rick Huxley 1940 - Musician. Bass guitarist with The Dave Clark Five. A clip? You betcha. Here’s Glad All Over.

Christopher Godwin 1943 - Jobbing actor. Another well-known facewho often plays unnamed characters such as Third Local, Magistrate’s Clerk, Barman or Recruitment Officer.

Andy Roxburgh 1943 - Fitba guy.

Jan Francis 1947 - Actress. Penny Warrender in Just Good Friends.

Ray Clemence 1948 - Footy bloke.

Barbara Flynn 1948 - Actress. Councillor Bone in Kate & Koji.

Pete Burns 1959 - Singer songwriter, best known for this.  I know I’ve played it before, but it’s a cracking song.

Janet McTeer 1961 - Actress. Helen Pierce in Ozark.

Mark Strong 1963 - Actor. Daniel Milton in Temple.

Dougie Arnott 1964 - Fitba guy. Spent his entire playing career with Motherwell.

Colin McRae 1968 - Rally driver bloke.

Karl Theobald 1969 - Actor. Martin Dear in Green Wing.

Spike Dawbarn 1974 - Singer. He is a member of ‘boy’ band 911. At 49 years of age? Boy band? Man band sounds even worse. Any road up, here’s the band’s biggest hit, the old Doctor Hook song A Little Bit More.

Dan Hipgrave 1975 - Musician. Guitarist with Toploader. Here’s a hit. You could say it was their Achilles Heel. Do you get it? [Yes we do. You really shouldn’t bother. - Ed.]

Antony Cotton 1975 - Actor. Sean Tully in Coronation Street.

Wayne Bridge 1980 - Footy bloke.

Kara Tointon 1983 - Actress. Betsey Day in The Halcyon.

Cindy Ofili 1994 - Athleticky bloke.

 

Right then, what about the 12th of August?

George IV 1762 - The well-known king. Looked nothing like Hugh Laurie.

Charles Landseer 1799 - Artist. The Monarch of the Glen, that was one of his.

John Cadbury 1802 - Founder of... can you guess which chocolate making company?

Guy Gibson 1918 - A dam buster.

Fulton Mackay 1922 - Actor. Mr Mackay in Porridge.

Ross ’n’ Norris McWhirter 1925 - Writers, political activists and TV presenters.

Dave Lee 1926 - Jazz musician, but also wrote tosh like this.

John Bluthal 1929 - Actor. Frank Pickle in The Vicar of Dibley.

Oliver Ford Davies 1939 - Actor. Peter Foxcott in Kavanagh QC.

Michael Brunson 1940 - Journalist and TV news presenter.

Craig Douglas 1941 - Singer. Had a few hits in the late 1950s and early 60s. He even had a number one with a cover of Sam Cooke's Only Sixteen.  Here's a clip from one of those awful British films that were produced to cash in the popularity of the then current crop of young singers. Introduced by Helen Shapiro, Craig ‘sings’ Rainbows.

... I was a mere lad of sixteen, I've aged a year since then.


Lesley Duncan 1943 - Singer-songwriter. Here’s her most famous tune, Love Song.

Terry Nutkins 1946 - Naturalist. [What? He takes his clothes off? - Ed.] I think you did that gag last time he got a mention.

Ozzie Yue 1947 - Actor and musician. Mr Wang in All Quiet on the Preston Front.

Terry Oldfield 1949 - Composer. Mike and Sally’s bruv.

Mark Knopfler 1949 - Musician. A clip? But, of course. Here’s a bit of rockabilly, The Bug.

Simon Groom 1950 - TV presenter, producer and director. He’s got a Blue Peter badge.

Amanda Redman 1957 - Actress. Dr. Lydia Fonseca in The Good Karma Hospital.

Neil Cooper 1958 - Fitba guy.

Steven Hartley 1960 - Actor. Supt. Tom Chandler in The Bill.

Roy Hay 1961 - Musician. He was guitarist with Culture Club. I can feel another clip coming. All together now Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon...

Scott Crabbe 1968 - Fitba guy.

Paul Tucker 1968 - Musician. He played keyboards for Lighthouse Family. Cue another clip. Here’s their big hit (which, to me, sounds just like every other song they released), Lifted.

Tanita Tikaram 1969 - Singer-songwriter. More music? Of course. Here’s The Way You Move.

Richard McCourt 1976 - Comedian and actor. One half of comedy duo Dick & Dom. [Really? Which one is he? - Ed.] Groan...

Tyson Fury 1988 - Boxy bloke.

Tom Cleverley 1989 - Footy bloke.

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter; which is nice.

Dear Tanita Grambleram,

It was wonderful to hear a track of yours. I recall you had a couple of hits early in your career - Good Tradition and Twist in My Sobriety - but what was your next best performing single?

Yours in sobriety,

Kathy Dralsong.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Brakdoles fare? We won. Only kidding. We got a return of £1.68 from our £2.20 stake. 52 pees down. Not so good. Never mind. Let’s have another try.

At least the new footy season has started proper, so let’s have a crack at five games from the English and Scottish senior leagues on Saturday the 12th of August [The glorious twelfth, they call it; when rich b*st*rds can shoot so-called game birds. I tell you, I’d be anything but game to get filled with half a pound of lead. - Ed.] Ahem, where was I?  Oh yes.  All games kick off at 3pm, except the first one listed; that’s a 5.30pm kickoff.

Game - Result - Odds

Newcastle vs Aston Villa - Home win - 8/11

Cardiff vs QPR - Home win - 4/5

Millwall vs Bristol City - Home win - 10/11

Southampton vs Norwich - Home win - 17/20

Watford vs Plymouth - Home win - 8/11

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£10.30

Well, at least that’s a bit whoppinger than last time.

 

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Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in 1957 in Chester-le-Street, County Durham. A midfielder, I began my senior career at West Bromwich Albion before signing for Manchester United in 1981 for a record-breaking £1.5 million (a record that stood for six years). I ended my playing career at Middlesbrough as player/manager. I was capped 90 times for England. Though I have managed various clubs, my current involvement in football is as a global ambassador for Manchester United.

Answer - Bryan Robson

2. Which player scored the most goals for Wales?

Answer - Gareth Bale with 41

3. Which non-English player has scored the most Premier League penalties?

Answer - Sergio Ag├╝ero

4. Which club plays its home games at Prenton Park?

Answer - Tranmere Rovers

5. Here’s something different, unscramble these letters to name a famous player past or present...

RIPE PIRATE RINK

Answer - Kieran Trippier [Sounds like he’s on something. - Ed.]

Okeydokey, let’s have five for this week...

1. Who am I?

I was born in Maasmechelen, Belgium in 1994. I am a versatile player and have been used as a left winger, an attacking midfielder and also a forward. I began my senior career at Genk and was loaned out to several clubs before moving to Brighton & Hove Albion in 2019. In January 2023, I moved to Arsenal. I have been capped for Belgium 26 times.

2. Who currently wears the number 9 shirt for Rangers?

3. Which Scottish player scored the most Premier League goals last season?

4. In which country would you find the football stadium with the greatest capacity (150,000 approx.)?

5. Here’s another mix up. Can you name the football team? (The letters are arranged in alphabetical order)

ABCEEMMOR

There you have it; five teasers to test you. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

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Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK

 

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Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount raised is a little out of date; it is now sitting at...

£71,592

 

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And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to Messrs. J. Bluthal and S. Milligan for this week’s finishing item. I may well have given you a link to this in the past, but this appeals to my childish sense of humour. Ladeez and genullum I give you The Fresh Fruit Song aka The Raspbery King... again.

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.