Friday 29 December 2017

Week 21 - A New Year gramble


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 
 
 

Did you all get lots of nice things from sanity clause? (Flipping spell checker! And Marx Brothers.) Mrs G and I decided that this year we would do something a little different.

A few years back we, and another couple, thought that giving gifts to each other at Christmas was getting a bit silly. We all agreed that novelty socks and other items of clothing with Santa’s face on them were daft presents. However, rather than cease giving presents altogether, we started ‘buying’ each other charity gifts from Oxfam. Thus, they might buy us some simple farm implements and we might buy them a well. Obviously, we didn’t physically exchange these things; we had simply funded them on each others’ behalf.

There has been much jumping on bandwagons of late and there seems to be no end to the number of different charity gifts one can now give.

There was an advert on tv just before Christmas encouraging people to sponsor 'a snow leopard'. I’m not sure what the snow leopard did in return for that sponsorship; perhaps it would run up a mountain and you would slip it a couple of quid for each ascent. Okay, I’m being facetious. [Just for a change. - Ed.] For a couple of quid a month you could adopt your very own snow leopard and would even get a lovely cuddly toy for your trouble. Now, this particular advertisement was shown several times per night for a number of weeks. Blanket coverage, you might call it. I suspect that, since the snow leopard population can be counted in the hundreds, there might be hundreds of folk supporting each animal. I might be wrong but either the people dishing out these cuddly toys were making a fortune or each and every snow leopard was now living in its own bungalow.

We thought it a nice idea but reckoned that, rather than adopt a fit and healthy creature, we should adopt one that needed a bit of help. We went on line and found a site that was like a zoo for sick animals; wild animals instead of pets. Here, it was possible to adopt an animal that had been injured in some way. There were images of animals such as a rhinoceros that had been hit by a vehicle. You knew it had because there was still a Land Rover bumper wrapped round its neck.

Anyway, Mrs G and I perused the various pics to see which animals we would like to adopt. I happened upon a picture of a small burrowing rodent which had obviously been in battle and lost. One side of its face was basically missing; just a big furry scar from ear to mouth. I was hooked. I said to Mrs G, 'That's the one I'd go for.'

Boom and indeed tish! Thank you, thank you. You're too kind.

[You’ve done it again! You’ve conned us into thinking this was a true story just so that you could tell a feeble joke! Shame on you. - Ed.]

Sorry. It was all a pack of lies. Mrs G got me a new jacket.
 
 
A burrowing rodent without sight problems
 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 30th of December? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Rudyard Kipling 1865 (Vigorous sexual activity.), Stephen Leacock 1869 (Humorist, it says here.), Hideki Tojo 1884 (General.), Carol Reed 1906 (Film director and producer. Think his parents wanted a girl.), Paul Bowles 1910 (Composer, author and translator. Here’s a rather nice piece for our first clip of the week. [Paul Bowles? Didn’t he play for Man United? - Ed.]), Ian Macnaughton 1925 (Director and producer of Monty Python’s Flying Circussss.), Stan Tracey 1913 (Jehzzz musician. Another clip? Why not.  Here's Llareggub.), Elias Bates aka Elias McDaniel, but better known as Bo Diddley 1928 (Singer and geeetarist. Here’s another clip for you to enjoy. Watch the technique.), Skeeter Davis 1931 (Singer/songwriter. Here’s one you might recognise... End of the World.), Barry Briggs 1934 (Motorbike racey bloke.), Del Shannon 1934 (Singer. Shall we have another clip? I wa wa wa wonder which one...), Russ Tamblyn 1934 (Actor and dancer. He was Tom Thumb, you know.), Gordon Banks 1937 (The greatest goalie the world has ever known. He must be; the Beeb Beeb Ceeb tell us at every World Cup.), Paul Stookey 1937 (Who? Better known as ‘Paul’, as in Peter, Paul and Mary. A clip? Here’s one for the kids.), Michael Nesmith 1942 (A Monkee. Another clip? And why not. Here’s a non-Monkee hit.), Davy Jones 1945 (Another Monkee. This time we will have a Monkee hit.), Clive Bunker 1946 (Drummer. Here he is with Steve Hillage back in 1977 with Salmon Song.  Long live prog!), Patti Smith 1946 (Singer songwriter. There could only be one clip to give you... Because The Night.), Berti Vogts 1946 (Footy bloke.), Jeff Lynne 1947 (Eee, hello. A clip? Here’s Mr Blue Sky.), David Bedford 1949 (Runnery bloke.), Tracey Ullman 1959 (Ectress, comedian, singer, dancer, screenwriter, director, producer and author... In fact, a right old smartyboots. Credited with bringing the Simpsons to the screen. She had the occasional hit back in the day... Would you like to hear one? Cue clip number 12, or is it 13?  Here's They Don't Know.), Ben Johnson 1961 (Sprinty bloke.), Charlie Nicholas 1961 (Footy bloke.), Heidi Fleiss 1965 (A bit of a madam.) and Tiger Woods 1975 (Golfy bloke. Not a real tiger.).

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Mumbler,

I am so pleased that you included a track by the Electric Light Orchestra in this week’s links. Here’s a teaser for you... What was ELO’s first number one single? Admittedly it was number one in South Africa, but it still counts.

Felicitations to you,

Lee Van Thing.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? It won. It did and all. Four out of five correct predictions gave us a Boxing Day return of four quids. Yay! What happened? Read on...

 

 

 

Bristol City vs Reading - Prediction Home win

Result - Bristol City 2 Reading 0

Yay!

Jamie Paterson broke the deadlock on 68 minutes with a superb right-footed shot into the top right corner.

Lloyd Kelly sealed victory in the third minute of injury time with a deflected shot which also found the top corner.

Doncaster vs Northampton - Prediction Home win

Result - Doncaster 3 Northampton 0

Yay!

Andy Butler, Ben Whiteman and Tommy ‘Dizzy’ Rowe all went close to giving Doncaster the lead before James Coppinger did, bundling in from close range in the 33rd minute after John ‘Mary’ Marquis and Alfie May both had efforts saved.

Northampton were rather toothless throughout but Shaun McWilliams drew a fine low save from Ian Lawlor.

Moments later, Matt Grimes clipped Marquis from behind in the box and Niall Mason drilled home the penalty to make it 2-0 on 43 minutes.

Doncaster were comfortable after the break with Northampton struggling to threaten.

And they put the game to bed in the 66th minute when Butler forced the ball home after a Mathieu ‘Long John’ Baudry header was cleared off the line.

 

MK Dons vs Plymouth - Prediction Home win

Result - MK Dons 0 Plymouth 1

Boo!

Plymouth took the lead in the 16th minute after some good work from Toumani Diagouraga in midfield allowed him to roll a neat through ball into the path of the onrushing Gary ‘Tom’ Sawyer to the left of the MK Dons box, before the experienced left-back coolly slotted home. It was his first Argyle goal since Boxing Day 2009... exactly eight years!

Dons keeper Lee Nicholls almost gifted the Pilgrims a second after rolling the ball straight to Ryan Taylor on the edge of his own box, but the forward saw his first-time effort fly just wide of goal.

 

Morecambe vs Notts County - Prediction Away win

Result - Morecambe 1 Notts County 4

Yay!

Jorge Grant scored twice; his first came as County scored with their first attack of any note. Adam Campbell gave the ball away sloppily in his own half and the visitors took full advantage.

Lewis Alessandra took the ball into the box and pulled it back for Grant to score with a first-time right-footed shot from 10 yards that beat Barry Roche.

Notts County’s second came on 21 minutes as Alessandra turned goalscorer with a fine finish. A free-kick was floated into the Morecambe area and the ball was headed down for the former Morecambe man to hit a stunning volley past Roche and into the right hand corner of the home goal.

Morecambe then went on to control the possession and create a number of half-chances. Andy Fleming twice fired efforts wide from 20 yards, Garry Thompson headed straight at Ross Fitzsimons from close range and on the stroke of half-time Campbell volleyed a Thompson cross over from close range.

Campbell was guilty of wasting a glorious chance for the Shrimps when he blazed over on 57 minutes and was made to pay when the Magpies added a third two minutes later when Grant exchanged passes with Jon Stead before sliding the ball past Roche.

Alessandra got his second four minutes from time when he scored at the second attempt after Roche saved his close-range effort before the Shrimps pulled one back in the last minute when Callum Lang clipped a superb effort over Fitzsimons from the edge of the box.

 

Swindon vs Luton - Prediction Away win

Result - Swindon 0 Luton 5

Yay!

Paul Mullin and Olly Lancashire both came close for the hosts early in the first half, before Glen Rea volleyed over the bar from close range for the away side.

Swindon's best chance came when Kaiyne Woolery broke down the right but over-hit his cross past Keshi Anderson, who would have had a tap-in.

Luton then broke the deadlock early in the second half when James Collins cut inside and fired a curling effort into the top left corner.

Danny Hylton then doubled the visitors' lead with a firm header across goal for his 15th goal of the season.

Matt Taylor slid in to divert Collins' cross into his own net, before substitute Harry Cornick struck a fierce shot past goalkeeper Lawrence Vigouroux.

Elliot Lee ran at the Swindon defence and curled a low shot into the corner in the 84th minute to round off a comfortable victory.

 

I wonder what predictions The Grambler will give us for the last gramble of this period which we celebrate for the Earth having completed an orbit around the sun...

Game - Prediction - Odds

Brentford vs Sheffield Wed - Prediction Home win - 19/20

Burton Albion vs Norwich - Prediction Away win - 11/10

Middlesbrough vs Aston Villa - Predicxtion Home win - Evens

Blackburn vs Scunthorpe - Prediction Home win - 3/4

Bradford vs Oxford Utd - Prediction Home win - 3/4

 

Let’s see how much we could win in the unlikely event that the results go as predicted.

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£12.29

 

Uh oh. A bit too whopping.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which two teams Arsenal failed to beat in season 2003-4 when they were unbeaten for the whole campaign. One was Manchester United and the other was newly promoted Portsmouth. It suggested great things for Portsmouth who went on to... drop right down to Division 2 (Division 4 in old money). Luckily, they have now started improving and were promoted as League Two champions at the end of last season.
One for this week? Sticking with Arsenal from around the same era. In 2002 Arsenal (down to nine men) beat a Liverpool side (down to ten men) in a rather bad-tempered FA Cup tie. This week’s two-part question is, who was the Liverpool player who got sent off and what was the reason for his dismissal? One to ask down the pub.
 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Mr I. Macnaughton who produced all but a handful of the Monty Python’s Flying Circus programmes. I think an example of his work deserves a link. Don’t you?  Here's the Hungarian phrasebook  sketch.

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Monday 25 December 2017

Week 20 - Merry Gramblemas stroke Christmas


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy
 

Huzzah! Happy Gramblemas to each and every one of you... Hang on, I hear you say, aren’t you being just a tiny bit disrespectful with this Gramblemas for Christmas substitution? You are right. I am. For that, I apologise.

After all, we are celebrating the birth of the man whose name gave us the Christian religion... Cristiano Ronaldo. [Stop it. - Ed.] Sorry. Shocking behaviour.

I wouldn’t want to belittle the importance of this moment; the time which celebrates not only the birth of Jesus, but the beginning of Christianity itself. Of course, Christians celebrate the coming of Christ during the four Sundays approaching his birthdate in what is known as Advent. It is an important part of the religious calendar and should not be trivialised. Should it?

So have you eaten all the chocolate out of your Advent calendar? My grand-daughter had a Paw Patrol Advent calendar. There isn’t even a mention that it is about a religious celebration. The picture on the box is of various characters from this programme frolicking in the snow. Frolic? That’s a word that you only seem to see in the Sun newspaper. And romp. That’s another word they use a lot. Any road up there are 24 cardboard doors and behind each is a piece of chocolate. What a brilliant way to teach children about the reason for having an Advent calendar.

One that my grandson had was a Lego Advent calendar and each day’s window revealed a piece of Lego which fit into a ‘scene’. Like the chocolate version, there was absolutely no regard for the Christian message.

There is worse. I was in a supermarket in November and in the booze aisle you could purchase an Advent calendar with 24 bottles of beer, or one that had 24 miniatures of gin/whisky/vodka; basically any spirit you wanted... bar the holy kind. Ye gods!

Do you know what? I’ll just carry on with calling it Gramblemas; it’s far more respectful.

A lot of people have realised that Christmas has become a time when we are all, basically, too greedy. In an effort to put some compassion back into the season of goodwill to all, they have come up with the ‘reverse Advent calendar’. Sorry pardon excuse me? Actually it isn’t an Advent calendar at all; it is an empty cardboard box into which they place a grocery item each day during the first 24 days of December. A much better idea... Or is it?

I have a problem with this. [You would have. Bah, humbug. - Ed.] No, not bah, humbug. My problem is this: when full, these boxes of groceries are taken to a local food bank to be distributed to the poor and needy. With me so far? Thus, some time on or after the 24th of December, food banks will be expected to receive a load of boxes of groceries. Where will they put them all? Bear in mind that most food banks have smallish premises, how are they supposed to store hundreds of boxes? If, as I suspect, everyone delivers the full boxes on the 24th, how can the food bank people possibly process all (or indeed any) of them in time for Christmas? You see? All very altruistic (That’s a good word; must look it up.) but these do-gooders haven’t really thought it through.

I have a better idea. [You bloody would have. - Ed.] It’s very radical. It might be difficult for you to understand. Collect food at other times of the year. Say, between January and November. It’s a complicated concept. Instead of trying to be Santa in December, just be generous all year round. That way, food banks would have a steady flow of groceries rather that a surfeit for a few days at the end of the year. Hey bingo! And the added advantage is that those who need to use the food bank can eat throughout the year instead of just at the end of it.

I know, I know; as usual, I’m over-simplifying things. I am sure food banks can, and will, cope, but I do believe that the reverse Advent idea, though well-meaning, does put a lot of unwanted pressure on those volunteers who man the banks.

So, remember everyone, a food bank isn’t just for Christmas.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As you are well aware, at this time of year, you can’t go anywhere without hearing some Christmas song blaring out. Wham’s song ‘Last Christmas’ seems to be the most popular one this year being played endlessly in a shopping centre near you. Mariah Carey warbling that all she wants for Christmas is you is another one it seems impossible to avoid... All I want for Christmas is for Mariah Carey to belt up. There are some Christmas songs that are forgotten these days and I’m not talking about ‘*n*th*r R*ck *nd R*ll Chr*stm*s’ by a well-known nonce. No. One I remember from yonks ago just seems to have been lost in the mists of time. Who else remembers Shawn Phillips ‘A Christmas Song’? Anyone? Just me then. It was a jolly little trad-jazz/folk song (an unusual genre, it must be said) from 1975ish. Though it sounded nothing like a generic Crimbo song - it didn’t feature any jingling bells or choirs of children singing - it, more than any other, told the real story of Christ. Please enjoy with me, this forgotten gem.

 
.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 23rd of December? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Giovanni Batitstata Crespi 1573 (Painter and sculptor who, with Lol Creme, began a well-known doughnut emporium.), Richard Arkwright 1732 (Inventor of the spinning frame. Why anyone wanted a frame that could be spun, I don’t know.), Wilhelm Hisinger 1766 (Physicist and chemist. Discovered cerium.), Joseph Smith 1805 (The first Mormon... He had a fish’s tail and could swim underwater.[Mormon? Merman, you moron! - Ed.]), Wilhelm Bauer 1822 (Engineer. Developed early submarines.), Norman McLean 1902 (Author. Apparently, a river runs through him.), James Gregory 1911 (Ectaw. Frank Luger.), Helmut Schmidt 1918 (German politician.), Chet Baker 1929 (Singer, trumpeter and flugelhornist... They can’t touch you for it. Would you like a clip? And why not? Here’s Almost Blue.), Akihito 1933 (The well-known emperor.), Fred Heath aka Johnny Kidd 1935 (The well-known pirate. Another clip? All together now. When you move in right up close to me...), Esther Phillips 1935 (Singer... of this, her only UK hit.), Tim Hardin 1941(Musician. Here he is performing his own song which was covered by, among others, Peter, Paul and Mary, Johnny Cash, Paul Weller, Billy Bragg, Rod Stewart, Cher, Ron Sexsmith, Wilson Phillips, The Carpenters, Marianne Faithfull, Bobby Darin, Glen Campbell, Mason Williams, The Sandpipers and Scott McKenzie... Reason to Believe.), Harry Shearer 1943 (Mr Burns.), John Sullivan 1946 (TV scriptwriter responsible for Citizen Smith, Only Fools and Horses and Just Good Friends.), David Davis 1948 (Politician who thinks Brexit is a good idea... That makes one, then.), Vicente del Bosque 1950 (Footy bloke.), Anthony Phillips 1950 (Original geetarist with Genesis. A clip? Here is Ant with Phil Collins on vocals.), Carol Smillie 1961 (Smiley, smiley, Carol Smillie.), Eddie Vedder 1964 (Musician. A bit of Pearl Jam. Here’s a solo piece from Ukelele Songs.), Carla Bruni 1967 (Singer/songwriter, model and wife of a small ex-president.), Jo Johnson 1971 (MP. Minister for Universities and Science. Obviously a clever and capable man... Hang on... Brother of Boris? Son of ‘I’m Desperate for Publicity, Get Me Out of Here’ star Stanley? I take that back.), Tara Palmer-Tomkinson 1971 (Famous for being a... erm... famous?) and Kenny Miller 1979 (Footy pensioner.).
 

.....oooOooo.....

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Trembler,

We are two Tim Hardin fans and enjoyed much of his vast output of songs; you gave us a clip of one of his most famous ones. Here’s a teaser for you: what was his song that Bobby Darin had a huge hit with?

Best wishes,

F. I. Werr, A. Carpenter.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? It won. I say won. It lost. I say lost... This could go on and on. We won 62 pees. In other words, we lost £1.68. Rubbish or what? What happened? Read on...

 

 

Watford vs Huddersfield - Prediction Home win

Result - Watford 1 Huddersfield 4

Mince!

Huddersfield's Elias Kachunga tapped in after Watford had failed to clear a corner.

The visitors doubled their lead after only 23 minutes when a cross from Collin Quaner hit Aaron Mooy six yards out and went into the net.

Hornets captain Troy Deeney was shown a straight red card for a lunge on Quaner in the 33rd minute and Huddersfield added a third when Laurent Depoitre capitalised on a slip from Jose Holebas and smashed the ball past Heurelho Gomes.

Huddersfield skipper Jonathan Hogg was dismissed for two bookable offences and Watford's Abdoulaye Doucoure pulled a goal back with a superb 25-yard half-volley.

However, the visitors added a late fourth as Mooy grabbed his second goal when he converted a penalty after Doucoure fouled Depoitre in the area.

 

Bolton vs Burton Albion - Prediction Home win

Result - Bolton 0 Burton Albion 1

More mince!

The Brewers went ahead when a headed clearance fell to Lloyd Dyer whose 25-yard volley sneaked into the bottom corner.

Bolton almost levelled when David Wheater's header bounced down off the crossbar and goalkeeper Stephen Bywater blocked Darren Pratley's follow-up.

 

Brentford vs Barnsley - Prediction Home win

Result - Brentford 0 Barnsley 0

Close, but still mince!

Both sides had chances to snatch victory in a hard-fought encounter.

Brentford's Yoann Barbet drilled a shot past Adam Davies' post from 25 yards before Tom Bradshaw poked Harvey Barnes' cross just over for the Tykes.

Ollie Watkins almost earned the Bees all three points deep in second-half stoppage time, but his close-range effort was kept out by Davies.

 

Bristol vs Nottingham Forest - Prediction Home win

Result - Bristol 2 Forest 1

Yay!

Marlon Pack's 20-yard strike and Joe Bryan's deflected effort put City 2-0 up.

Kieran Dowell then cut Forest's deficit moments after the break, guiding a long-range shot over Frank Fielding.

Tyler Walker came close to equalising, but the Robins held on

 

Cardiff vs Hull - Prediction Home win

Result - Cardiff 1 Hull 0

Though neither side imposed themselves on the game early on, it was Hull who had the game's first chances, firstly when Neil Etheridge spilled Kamil Grosicki's cross, before Nouha Dicko hit the post from close range.

But Neil Warnock's men burst out of the traps in the second half and got themselves in front when Sol Bamba powered a header across Allan McGregor after Anthony Pilkington had flicked Lee Tomlin's cross to the far post.

 

 

Let’s move on to this week’s gramble. You may have noted that this week’s blog is later than usual [Just for a change. - Ed.] so, rather than having a gramble on Saturday’s games, we will have a little Boxing Day bet. Here goes... What has The Grambler come up with this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Bristol City vs Reading - Prediction Home win - 5/6

Doncaster vs Northampton - Prediction Home win - 4/6

MK Dons vs Plymouth - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Morecambe vs Notts County - Prediction Away win - 19/20

Swindon vs Luton - Prediction Away win - 17/20

Let’s see how much we could win in the unlikely event that the results go as predicted.

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£10.58

 

Reasonably whopping by The Grambler’s standards.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you what pop star nickname was George Best given by adoring Portuguese fans after his dazzling display in a Manchester United v Benfica match. It may have been something to do with the haircut; he was known as El Beatle.

One for this week? If you follow Scottish football, you will be aware that Celtic have finally been beaten in domestic football after hunners of games. This reminded me of another occasion when a team were unbeaten for ages. In season 2003-4, Arsenal were unbeaten for the whole campaign and failed to beat only two teams. One was a major rival and the other was a newly promoted team... Can you name them? One to try down the pub.

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Mr M. Barrett who provides us with this week’s finishing link. Who, I hear you ask. Mr Barrett is perhaps better known as Shakin’ Stevens and anyone who has read this blog for more than a year will be well aware that Shaky sang Stewart’s favourite Christmas song. Ladeez and gennulum, let’s end this week’s edition with Merry Christmas Everyone.

 
Shaky meets Ronnie Barker
 
 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday 15 December 2017

Week 19 - The Grambler on Nigella Lawson and Bill Hicks


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Ooh, it’s nearly Gramblemas. Tis the season to be jolly. Unless you are a certain journalist from the Daily Tale. Whatever do you mean, I hear you ask.

Let me explain. There was a scathing article in a recent edition of the said journal. It concerned a programme fronted by domestic goddess (it says here) Nigella Lawson. The show is supposedly set in Ms Lawson’s sumptuously appointed kitchen. We, the humble viewers, are obviously meant to see this as being the trappings of success; we are in the presence of greatness. Here is something for us mere plebs to aspire to. Either that or we think how the hell does anyone make that kind of dosh from fn cooking! I suppose being the daughter of a top politician and businessman doesn’t do any harm either.

Whatever, the journalist who wrote this piece is not happy. In fact, angry is more apt. Why? Because, shock horror, all is not what it seems. This is not Ms Lawson’s kitchen; it is simply a nest factory that has been kitted out to look like the kitchen of someone who is fabulously wealthy. What? You mean it’s nothing more than a TV studio? The journo gets really worked up that we, the great viewing public, are being duped. The TV company is simply conning us is the message.

I can’t believe that a TV company would stoop so low. So are you suggesting that, back in the 60s, Dean Martin didn’t just have guests ringing his door bell and being invited into his living room?

Are you seriously trying to tell me that Noel Tidybeard’s Houseparty wasn’t filmed in his own house which just happened to have seating for an audience of 500? [Actually, I wouldn’t put that past him. - Ed.]

Next, you’ll be telling me that a snow-covered David Bowie didn’t walk in off the street into Bing Crosby’s living room (in a castle?) and, after some cringeworthy scripted nonsense, launch into song. I am shocked. Stunned. Shocked and stunned. Mind you, a bit of extra rehearsal wouldn’t have gone amiss; they couldn’t decide what they were meant to be singing. One’s parap-pap-pum-pumming away while the other’s busy peace-on-earthing.  Make your minds up lads.

All right, nobody is so stupid that they actually believed these shows took place in the star’s, or Noel Tidybeard’s, actual house. Similarly, we are not surprised that Nigella’s pad is only pretend. The only person that seems bothered by the fact is that Daily Pail reporter who obviously had a half page or so to fill with any old non-story he could come up with.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

I have some advice for anyone planning to get married in the month of December. Don’t. Why ever not, you may ask. I will tell you. Anniversary meals. Sorry pardon excuse me? Mrs G and I married in December some time in the last century. In those days, Gramblemas celebrations, such as office parties, would take place perhaps in the week leading up to Gramblemas day. With me so far? Nowadays, as soon as December is upon us, celebrations begin and what do restaurants do? They swap their standard menus for what they call a ‘festive menu’. That means the prices are doubled for a start. That doesn’t bother me when I take Mrs G for an anniversary meal; she deserves a bit of fuss. [Yeuch, pass the sick bag. - Ed.]  What does bother me is that the choice on most festive menus is roast turkey and trimmings or a weirdo... sorry, vegetarian option. Do you know what? I think an anniversary meal ought to be a bit special. Dried up roast turkey, with a burnt sausage, rock-hard roast potatoes and undercooked sprouts does not equate to special in my book. Similarly, the sweet is basically restricted to Gramblemas pudding, although some I have had have been praised by Michelin. Yes indeed; they have been microwaved for so long, they are only fit for making into tyres.

Take my advice, young lovers, wait til January to get wed.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 16th of December? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Catherine of Aragon 1485 (Henry VIII’s first wife. Prior to that, she was married to Henry’s elder brother, Arthur. Talk about keeping it in the family!), Ludwig van Beethoven 1770 (Composer. I think a wee clip is in order. Here’s a rather nice, gentle version of Fur Elise.), Jane Austen 1775 (Novelist.), Wassily Kandinski 1866 (Abstract painter... The paintings were abstract, not him.), Jack Hobbs 1882 (Crickety bloke.), Zoltan Kodaly 1882 (Composer, ethnomusicologist, pedagogue, linguist, and philosopher... In fact, a right old smarty boots. Another clip? Here’s Romance Lyrique.), Noel Coward 1899 (The original luvvie. Playwright, composer, director, actor and singer... Another right old smarty boots. Another clip, vicar?  Here's Med dogs end Englishmen dontchaknow.), Arthur C. Clarke 1917 (Sci fi writer. Co-wrote 2001: A Space Odyssey.), Philip K. Dick 1928 (Another sci fi writer. Gave us Blade Runner and Total Recall.), Nicholas Courtney 1929 (Ectaw. Most famous as Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart who chased around with Jon Pertwee in the Earth-bound Dr Who series of the late sixties.), Quentin Blake 1932 (Writer and illustrator. His cartoons gave Roald Dahl books their ‘look’.), Liv Ullman 1938 (Norvegian ectress. Mother of Tracey [Really? - Ed.] No.), Steven Bochco 1943 (TV producer and writer. He is the main man behind Hill Street Blues, L.A. Law, Doogie Howser M.D. and NYPD Blue.), Tony Hicks 1945 (A Holly. Time for another clip. Here’s Carrie Anne.), Benny Anderson 1946 (A quarter of ABBA. Time for another clip, methinks. There are just so many to choose from.  What about this?), Trevor Pinnock 1946 (Harpsichordist and conductor. Would you like another clip? Of course you would. Have a bit of Scarlatti.), Ben Cross 1947 (Ectaw. Starred in Chariots of Fire. Er... That’s it. No, I’m doing him an injustice; he has appeared in over 60 films), Billy Gibbons 1949 (A bit of Zed Zed Top. They were popular for a while. Have a clip. Here’s a video highlighting bullying and sexual harassment... Apt these days.), Joel Garner 1952 (Crickety bloke. Here’s a story about him. He is 6 feet 8 inches tall. A woman once asked him if he was in ‘proportion’. He answered, ‘No. If I was, I’d be 8 feet 4.’), Bill Hicks 1961 (Controversial comedian.), William Perry 1962 (American footy bloke. Aka The Fridge.), Dennis Wise 1966 (Footy bloke.), Donovan Bailey 1967 (Sprinty bloke.), Simon Grayson 1969 (Another footy bloke.), Michelle Smith 1969 (Swimmy bloke. Triple gold medallist at the 1996 Olympics. Allegations of doping at the time were never proven. Ironically, she is now a practising barrister.), Sylvain Distin 1977 (Le football type Francais.), Mame Biram Diouf 1987 (Le football type Senegalaise.), Anna Popplewell 1988 (Ectress. Susan Pevensie; that’s her.) and Tom Rogic 1992 (Strine footy bloke.).

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Rambler,

Thank you for giving us ABBA fans a clip to click on. We were always big fans, right from the Eurovision winner to their very last number one. Our memories not being what they were, we can’t actually remember the titles of those two songs. Can you help.

Yours with everlasting love,

Walter Lew and Sue Petroopa.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? It won. Again. Amazing, or what? [What, definitely. - Ed.]  It was the same as last week; four out of five results went our way. In profit again, though. £4.07 back from our £2.20 stake. Woo hoo! What happened? Read on...

 

Aston Villa vs Millwall - Prediction Home away

Result - Aston Villa 0 Millwall 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Millwall produced a dogged away performance to hold in-form Aston Villa to a goalless draw at Villa Park.

Albert Adomah and Keinan Davis spurned early chances for Villa, but the Lions fought back and had chances of their own. Jed Wallace forced a good save from Sam Johnstone with a low shot and Lee Gregory struck the crossbar from a tight angle and glanced a header wide.

 

Fulham vs Birmingham - Prediction Home away

Result - Fulham 1 Birmingham 0

Yay!

Jeremie Boga missed a penalty as Birmingham City's miserable away form continued with defeat at Fulham.

Sheyi Ojo sidefooted Neeskens Kebano's cross into the roof of the net to score the game's only goal on 14 minutes.

Blues keeper David Stockdale made a fine save to deny Stefan Johansen before Kevin McDonald's foul on Emilio Nsue gave Blues a chance to equalise.

But Boga, obviously mindful of the fact The Grambler had predicted a home win, blazed the spot kick over the bar. Thanks, mate; the cheque’s in the post.

 

Middlesbrough vs Ipswich - Prediction Home away

Result - Middlesbrough 2 Ipswich 0

Yay!

Martin Braithwaite gave Boro the lead just before the break when he pounced at the back post as the visitors failed to clear a Stewart Downing cross.

Patrick 'J.C.' Bamford doubled the lead after the restart, finding space in the box for a shot off the base of the post.

Ipswich failed to build on back-to-back wins and could only muster one shot on target from substitute Joe Garner.

 

Nottingham Forest vs Bolton - Prediction Home away

Result - Nottingham 3 Bolton 2

Barrie McKay turned in Tyler Walker's low ball from close range to put Forest ahead, but Will Buckley headed Bolton level from Josh Vela's cross.

Joe Worrall pounced on a loose clearance to smash home and Liam Bridcutt put Ben Brereton clear to make it 3-1.

Aaron Wilbraham set up a nervy finale as he reduced the arrears with a deflected finish in stoppage time.

 

Norwich vs Sheffield Utd - Prediction Home win

Result - Norwich 3 Sheffield Utd 1

Yay!

The Owls led when Zandra and Gary's lad Jordan Rhodes nodded in, but the Canaries then edged the rest of a relatively subdued first half.

James 'Square Garden' Maddison's close-range finish on the rebound and Timm Klose's powerful header turned the match around.

Nelson Oliveira added a third from the penalty spot in stoppage time after Barry Bannan slid in on Harrison Reed.

That was so close. Can The Grambler have us making a profit for a third week? [No chance. - Ed.] Let’s see what he/she/it has randomly selected for our bet...

Game - Result - Odds

Watford vs Huddersfield - Prediction Home win - 3/4

Bolton vs Burton Albion - Prediction Home win - Evens

Brentford vs Barnsley - Prediction Home win - 4/7

Bristol vs Nottingham Forest - Prediction Home win - 17/20

Cardiff vs Hull - Prediction Home win - 8/11

 

Let’s see how much we could win in the unlikely event that the results go as predicted.

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£9.83

 

No, not in the least bit bit whopping.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I told you that Liverpool’s beat Besiktas 8-0 a Champions League game in 2007 and I asked which other team matched that score. The answer was Real Madrid who beat Malmo by the same margin in 2015. And guess who scored four on that occasion. Yep. Chocolate boy himself, Cristiano Ronaldo.

One for this week? An oldie this time. Remember George Best? Of course you do. It’s a European Cup question. Sort of. What pop star nickname was George Best given by adoring Portuguese fans after his dazzling display in a Manchester United v Benfica match? Easy peasy.

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Mr W. Hicks who would have been 56 today, had he lived. Sadly, he died at the far too young age of 32 from pancreatic cancer. 32. No age really and yet, in a short life and career, he showed more wisdom than a planeload of philosophers. Yes, he courted controversy, but much of what he said summed up, and took a swipe at, modern-day Western attitudes. Please appreciate the wit and wisdom of Bill Hicks...

‘They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well - you just realize that it's not worth the f***ing effort. There is a difference.’

‘I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.’

‘I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.’

‘The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.

‘We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.’

‘I was in Nashville, Tennessee last year. After the show I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me: 'Hey, whatcha readin' for?' Isn't that the weirdest f***in' question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading FOR? Well, goddamnit, ya stumped me! Why do I read? Well . . . hmmm...I dunno...I guess I read for a lot of reasons and the main one is so I don't end up being a f***in' waffle waitress.

‘I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.'
You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

‘Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?

‘This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.

‘Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?’

‘The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty f***ing cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?

‘It's always funny until someone gets hurt.
Then it's just hilarious.

‘The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions.’

‘I ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.

‘You see, I think drugs have done some good things for us. I really do. And if you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor. Go home tonight. Take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CDs and burn them. Cause you know what, the musicians that made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years were rrreal f***ing high on drugs. The Beatles were so f***ing high they let Ringo sing a few tunes.

‘People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.

I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.’

‘I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I'd say Yeah? When?’

‘Not all drugs are good.. some of them are great.’

‘It's great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I've been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time.

And finally...

‘I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.’
 


 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday 9 December 2017

Week 18 - The Grambler on murder? Surely not.


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Who remembers Taggart? The real Taggart, I mean. Mark McManus. Him. Do you recall his catchphrase? There’s been a murrrdah. Well, I was in a restaurant the other day and I witnessed murder. Notice that I said murder, not a murder. And I only heard it taking place, I didn’t see anything. That is because the murder being committed was to a song, or several songs that were being played for the ‘delight’ of us diners.

The perpetrator of these crimes against eardrums was the famous Frank Sinatra tribute act (who got lucky), Michael Bubbly. Admittedly, I am not a fan of his style of music, so I was already disliking what I was hearing before the real ‘crime’ took place.

You probably know the Bing Crosby Christmas classic White Christmas. Yes? It is a slow song sung in Bing’s inimitable style... boh boh boh boom. Take note: it is a slow song.

A dirge began playing in the restaurant. It was supposed to be White Christmas; a fact I only realised because I recognised the words. The tune, such as it was, was entirely different. The tempo was even slower than the original. My only thought on listening to this ‘song’ was why. Why does somebody feel the need to take a well-known song and ruin it?

I blame that Eva Cassidy woman. I do. Her that murdered Somewhere Over The Rainbow.

Actually, now I come to think of it, song murdering was going on long before she started. Think of absolutely anything involving Louis Armstrong attempting to sing. Brilliant trumpeter. Rotten singer.

Another that comes to mind is John Lennon. Yes, I know he wrote a few decent songs, but he was no singer; what he did to Stand By Me was unforgivable.

Sometimes, the very opposite is true. Any Dylan song seems to be improved if someone else sings it and, although I know I am courting trouble, I would say the same of anything by Springsteen.

However, there are some perfectly acceptable songs that had nothing particularly wrong with them that were improved so much by covers that it was they, rather than the originals, that became accepted as the definitive versions. I am thinking of I Heard It Through the Grapevine, for example. Marvin Gaye’s take on it was so much better than the Gladys Knight original. Years later, a Marvin Gaye original got the same treatment. Paul Young’s arrangement of Wherever I Lay My Hat just seems perfect. And who would prefer Neil Diamond’s Red Red Wine over the UB40 cover version.

Some songs receive a different treatment and it is hard to judge. I’m a Believer... The Monkees or Robert Wyatt? Hmm.

You might argue that at least all the songs I have mentioned thus far have been given a different arrangement, surely that is preferable to a note for note copy. I agree. What was the point of all the versions of Spirit in the Sky or Unchained Melody other than to make oodles of money for those involved?

However, I am complaining about songs which take an often brilliant original and mess it up such that the result is just horrible. Return with me now to the restaurant where the crime which prompted this week’s rant was perpetrated. Old Bubbly hadn’t finished. I only mentioned one song: a shockingly bad version of White Christmas. There was worse, much worse, to come.

We all have our favourite songs. One of mine is a Beach Boys’ song which reached number two in the charts back in 1966 and was included on the LP sometimes cited as being the best album ever, Pet Sounds. It is a lovely song with a perfect arrangement and a lead vocal (provided by Carl Wilson) that is just wonderful. It is, of course, God Only Knows. So how did Bubbly manage to completely fmuck it up? Judge for yourselves. Compare and contrast.  Michael Bubbly vs Beach Boys.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 9th of December? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. John Milton 1608 (Poet that lost paradise... I should check under the couch if I were you.), Clarence Birdseye 1886 (Go on... have a guess what company he founded.), Hermione Gingold 1897 (Ectress. Starred in the snappily titled ‘Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mamma’s Hung You in the Closet and I’m Feelin’ So Sad’.), Emmett Kelly 1898 (Clown.), Margaret Hamilton 1902 (Ectress. The Wicked Witch of the West.), Dalton Trumbo 1905 (Screenwriter and novelist. Blacklisted by the House Un-American Activities committee.), Douglas Elton Fairbanks Jr. KBE, DSC 1909 (Ectaw son of ectaw and studio owner Douglas Fairbanks. Obviously made it because of sheer ability, nothing else.), Broderick Crawford 1911 (‘B Film’ ectaw.), Elisabeth Schwartzkopf 1915 (Rerr chanter. Time for a bit of cult'yer), Kirk Douglas 1916 (I’m Kirk Douglas. No, I’m Kirk Douglas.), John Cassavetes 1929 (Ectaw, film diector and screenwriter.), Judi Dench 1934 (Ectress.), Beau Bridges 1941 (Ectaw.), Billy Bremner 1942 (Footy bloke.), Joanna Trollope 1943 (Author who’s no better than she ought to be.), Neil Innes 1944 (Musician. Time for a clip. Here he is singing his hit..), Sonia Gandhi 1946 (Politician.), Allan Jones 1947 (Crickety bloke.), Tom Kite 1949 (Golfy bloke.), Joan Armatrading 1950 (Singer/songwriter. A clip? Hmm... Which one, I wonder....), John Malkovich 1953 (Ectaw.), Donny Osmond 1957 (Singer. Another clip? Put your dark glasses on to watch; don’t want you to be dazzled by the teeth.), Nick Seymour 1958 (A bit of Crowded House. You want another clip? Aye, go on then... Here’s a promo video where health and safety were not considered much.), Dave Harold 1966 (Snookery bloke.), Joshua Bell 1967 (Fiddler. Time for another bit of cult'yer.), Brian Bell 1968 (A bit of Weezer. What? Another clip? Aye.  Happen.), Bixente Lizarazu 1969 (Le football type Francais.), Geoff Barrow 1971 (Musician. Time for another clip. Here’s Geoff’s biggest hit, All mine.) and Tre Cool 1972 (That’s not his real name, obviously. Green Day drummer. Time for yet another clip.).

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Gumball,

Donny Osmond 60? Doesn’t seem right. I’ll bet he’s still singing Puppy Love and Young Love. Definitely not right. I think he was also part of that family group, The Osmonds. They had some big hits too. Crazy Horses. That was one. Then there was that one Let Me In. That doesn’t seem right either. I can’t remember their first hit, though. Can you help?

Yours with loads of love,

Juan Badappel.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare. It actually won. I know. I can’t believe it either. I say won; four out of five results went our way. It still gave us a wee profit, though. £3.68 back from our £2.20 stake. Mustn’t grumble. What happened? Read on...

Brighton vs Liverpool - Prediction Away win

Result - Brighton 1 Liverpool 5

An emphatic YAY!

Emre Can powered a header beyond Mat Ryan from Philippe Coutinho's corner after half an hour and the Reds doubled their lead 79 seconds later... Mohamed Salah drove at the Brighton defence and picked out Coutinho, who slid a left-footed cross to the back post for Roberto Firmino to finish.

Brazil striker Firmino made it 3-0 after Salah's brilliant assist before Glenn Murray, who had already missed two chances, beat Simon Mignolet with a penalty following Jordan Henderson's foul on Shane Duffy.

Brighton had chances to make it two, but Coutinho made it 4-1 by scoring with a cute low free-kick before enticing Brighton defender Lewis Dunk to head into his own net.

 

Everton vs Huddersfield - Prediction Home win

Result - Everton 2 Huddersfield 0

Yay!

Gylfi Sigurdsson had a poor game overall, but finished neatly less than two minutes into the second half after Dominic Calvert-Lewin's lovely angled back-flick played him in.

England youth forward Calvert-Lewin, Everton's outstanding player, added a deserved goal when he ran on to Wayne Rooney's pass and scored via a deflection off Mathias Jorgensen.

 

Leicester vs Burnley - Prediction Home win

Result - Leicester 1 Burnley 0

Yay!

An early goal from Demarai Gray was enough to give Leicester victory. Gray got on the end of a Riyad Mahrez cross for the goal and hit the post with another effort in the second half.

Burnley's Robbie Brady was taken off on a stretcher before the break following a nasty clash with Harry Maguire in the box.

Chris Wood almost pounced on a mistake from Kasper Schmeichel in one of several half-chances for Burnley.

 

Stoke vs Swansea - Prediction Home win

Result - Stoke 2 Swansea 1

Yay!

Wilfried Bony's first top-flight goal for more than a year gave the visitors an early lead, but Xherdan Shaqiri and Mame Biram Diouf had the home side in front by the interval.

 

Watford vs Tottenham - Prediction Away win

Result - Watford 1 Spurs 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

 

The hosts had taken the lead in the 13th minute when Christian Kabasele headed in from six yards from Tom Cleverley's left-wing corner.

Watford thought they should have had a penalty when Richarlison appeared to be fouled, but it was not given, and less than a minute later Tottenham's Son Heung-min finished off Christian Eriksen's cross to equalise.

Spurs played most of the second half with 10 men after defender Davinson Sanchez was dismissed for elbowing Richarlison in the 52nd minute.

 

Ooooh! So close to a full house there. Can The Grambler go one better this week? [Don’t talk so daft. - Ed.] Let’s see what random predictions he/she/it has come up with this week.

Game - Result - Odds

Aston Villa vs Millwall - Prediction Home away - 4/5

Fulham vs Birmingham - Prediction Home away - 8/13

Middlesbrough vs Ipswich - Prediction Home away - 4/6

Nottingham Forest vs Bolton - Prediction Home away - 17/20

Norwich vs Sheffield Utd - Prediction Home away - 5/4

Oh dear. The Grambler seems to be stuck in single division mode again. All five predictions are from the English Championship. Well, it almost worked last week... Here’s hoping. Let’s see how much we could win in the unlikely event that the results go as predicted.

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£10.74

 

We could call that a bit whopping.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you what was the link between Motherwell and Dundee United in 1991 when the ’Well won the cup. Both club were managed by a McLean. Not just any McLean, but brothers Tommy and Jim. Younger sibling Tommy was victorious on the day.

One for this week? This week Liverpool beat Spartak Moskva 7-0 in a Champions League game. It was the second time they had won by such a margin in that league in a single ‘campaign’. They join Marseille and Shaktar Donetsk in the record books; all three have won two games 7-0 in the competition in one year. However, the score is one short of Liverpool’s own best; they beat Besiktas 8-0 in 2007. This week’s teaser? Which other team matched that score? Try that one down the pub, before resorting to Googlie.

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to birthday celebrant Mr. J. Malkovich... although he hasn’t actually got much to do with this week’s finishing item. As you know, I enjoy B3ta.com; especially the image challenge. This one caught my eye and struck me as being rather apt...

 


Sorry to our readers overseas, who might not have heard of the wonderful Chuckle Brothers.
 
That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.