Friday 25 August 2017

Week 4 - The Grambler with a Prince Albert


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Are you a gadget person? I am. I love new gadgety things. Mrs G asked if I would like a Tassimo. I wasn't sure if I had heard her right and answered that I wasn't keen on fat Japanese blokes wrestling. She explained (more slowly this time) that it was a gadget for making coffee. Well, I was hooked. Two of my favourite words in one sentence... gadget and coffee. Contrary to what you may have gleaned from last week's article, coffee is my favourite drink.
A new gadget for making coffee? Great! Hang on a mo, I've had coffee-making gizmos in the past. After a while they tend to end up in a cupboard under the sink beside the bread maker, the deep fat fryer and many other 'labour saving' devices.

The coffee makers were often so awkward to use that it seemed quicker and easier to make instant coffee instead.

I've had them all... a glass pot that you put on the stove and then put a second pot on top that held a paper filter with coffee in it. That one was so slow and unwieldy to use, I was quite relieved when the glass just got smashed... at least it saved it from ending up in that cupboard.

Another product that I just had to have was an electric coffee making machine. This time you filled up a reservoir with cold water using the jug provided, then put some coffee granules in a paper filter and waited until the water heated and trickled through into the jug which was placed under the spout... And waited... And waited. Like the previous example it was soon in that cupboard under the sink next to the George Formby* grill prior to being transferred to the nearest charity shop.

I've even had a percolator. No filters involved this time, but just as slow as any other gadget. It's a funny word, isn't it? Percolator. It's a word that only ever seems to be used in relation to coffee. Unless you come from Hull. There, it has a completely different meaning which is quite obscene. In case that is totally lost on you, it is to do with with the accent. People from Hull don't phone home, they fern herm. Now do you get it?

Another gadget I have (and do occasionally use) is the Bialetti pressurised pot that you place on the hob to make espresso coffee. The water is in the lower portion with the coffee granules in the upper part. Because the lower part is sealed, the only way for the boiling water to expand is upwards through the coffee granules into the upper section. A dashed clever idea. Unlike the others, it is not cumbersome and can fit in any cupboard (and not just the one under the sink). Unfortunately, like the others, it is incredibly slow and it has the added annoyance of being an absolute pain to clean properly.

Until now, my favourite means of making coffee is by using a cafetiere. Quick and easy to use, reasonably easy to clean and compact enough to fit not under the sink. The biggest downside to it is that it is made of glass and tends to get smashed rather easily. [A bit like you when you drink whisky. - Ed.]

So would the Tassimo type of coffee maker be able to replace the cafetiere? I know people who have them and think they are terrific. Would I agree, or would it end up next to the waffle maker?

A wee while back, I had my chance to test one out before making a purchase. I was staying in a rather posh hotel and instead of the usual kettle and instant, there was a posh Tassimo coffee maker. Thank goodness I didn't buy one; it would have been under that sink next to the smoothie maker pretty damn quick.

The first problem, it seemed to me, was its bulk. It only produces one cup at a time, but takes up a lot of space. My next grievance was to do with the means of getting the coffee into the machine. The coffee comes in pods. One is placed in a special holder and the boiling water passes through it into a cup. Basically, it works on the same principle as any electric coffee maker, except for these pods. The advantage of the pod is that it is clean and you don't even have to clean the machine after its use. The disadvantage is that the pods are made of disposable plastic. And? I'm thinking green here. How many pods get disposed of each day? Yes they can be recycled, but many people just chuck them in the nearest bin. I envisage a few landfill sites getting fuller, a bit more quickly than they used to.

Another disadvantage is the expense of making coffee. When I use a cafetiere, it takes one scoop of coffee per cup. Cost? Probably less than two pence. If you turn it into a latte, add another couple of pence for the milk you use. Cost of coffee pods? Well, the cheapest I've seen them on line by buying in bulk works out at 25 pees per pod. Hmm. What if you want to make a latte? Another 25 pees please. Fifty pence for each cup? I don't think so.

My main grievance? Time. It is every bit as slow as any other machine I've tried. First you place the coffee pod in the machine and then you have to wait for the water in the reservoir to reach a suitable temperature. Next, you have to wait while the water trickles through into the cup placed under the spout and, if you want a latte, you have to place the second pod in the machine and go through the whole rigmarole again. What a faff! It takes about ten minutes to make a single cup of coffee. If you want a second cup, you have to do it all over again. Thus, to make two cups of coffee takes over a quarter of an hour and the person who is unlucky enough to get the first cup will either have to drink it while the second person waits for theirs or (if they are being polite) wait and end up with a lukewarm cuppa.

Now, take my cafetiere. Two cups? Okay, this is how it's done. Put water in kettle. Switch on kettle. While water is boiling, put two scoops of coffee into the cafetiere and half fill two cups with milk. Place cups in microwave. By this time (about a minute) the water is heated. Pour boiling water into the cafetiere. Stir. Place plunger on cafetiere. Wait for microwave to go ping (about two minutes). Remove cups from microwave. Remove skin from top of hot milk (yeuch!). Push plunger down on cafetiere. Pour coffee into cups of hot milk. Stir. Done. Total time? Probably about four minutes.

As I mentioned, the downside of using a cafetiere is that they have a propensity (That's a good word. I must look it up.) to break, being made of glass. If only someone could come up with a non-breakable cafetiere...

I told Mrs G not to bother with a tassimo, so she bought me something else... a stainless steel cafetiere. Sorted!

*Yes, I know that should read George Foreman. It’s supposed to be a joke. With the George Formby grill everything turns out nice again. Boom and indeed tish.

[I would like to apologise to any readers who clicked on this blog expecting to read a serious review of Tassimo coffee makers. I should also like to point out that the views of The Grambler are to be taken with a pinch of salt. Or, perhaps in this instance, a spoonful of sugar. Heh. Heh. I should also like to assure any manufacturers of machines using the Tassimo system that I (in my capacity as editor of this august blog) would be more than willing to provide a proper and serious appraisal of one of your machines, should you wish to supply me with one together with a limitless supply of coffee pods. Just a thought. - Ed.]

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

So it’s farewell to Brucie and Jerry. Yes, the entertainers (it says here) Bruce Forsyth and Jerry Lewis both popped their clogs this week. You already know my views on Brucie (See http://www.thegrambler.com/2016/10/week-12-grambler-on-retirement-of-bruce.html ), what can I say about Jerry Lewis? I enjoyed his work when I was young. By the time I reached the age of about six, I had gone off him entirely, preferring a more mature, cerebral style of comedy such as Captain Pugwash, Crackerjack and Mr Pastry.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

 
 
Were any famous or notorious people born on the 26th of August? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Robert Walpole 1676 (Longest serving Prime Minister in British history - 20 years.), Joseph-Michel Montgolfier 1740 (With his brother invented the hot air balloon. In 1783 the first hot air balloon carrying animals was launched. A sheep, a duck and a rooster made the first ascent and survived. Less than a month later a man took to the skies. Oddly enough, Joseph sent little brother Etienne up in that first ascent. Typical big brother.), Prince Albert 1819 (Vicky’s man. Famous for lending his name to a... What? Ooh, nasty.  See picture below.), Christopher Isherwood 1904 (Orfer. When his work I Am a Camera was made into a film in 1954, critic Walter Kerr wrote a succinct three-word review... ‘Me no Leica’.), Jim Davis 1909 (Jock Ewing in Dallas.), Anjeze Gonxhe Bojaxhiu 1910 (Better known as Mother (now Saint) Teresa of Calcutta.), Brian John Duffy aka Jet Black 1938 (Drummer with The Stranglers. How about a clip? All together now... Whatever happened to... all the heroes?), Nik Turner 1940 (Flautist with Orkwind. How about a clip? All together now... I, I just took a ride... Yes, that is Lemmy on vocals.), Chris Curtis 1941 (Drummer with The Searchers. How about a clip? All together now... I saw her today. I saw her face... ), Jane Merrow 1941 (Ectress. Trivia: Almost got The Avengers’ gig after Diana Rigg left.), Alan Parker 1944 (Musician. As well as composing many themes for TV programmes including Angels, Minder, News at Ten and Coast, he was a well-known session guitarist for - among others - Blue Mink, CCS and Serge Gainsbourg. How about a clip? He also played guitar on this rather nice toon. All together now...  Softly, whispering I love you...  Sorry about those awful cartoons at the beginning.), Alison Steadman 1946 (Ectress.), Howard Clark 1954 (Golfy bloke.), Shirley Manson 1966 (Garbage singer. [That’s a rather unkind thing to say. - Ed.] How about a clip? All together now... You pretend you're high... ), Rene Higuita 1966 (Columbian footy bloke... the world’s craziest goalie. He has been featured before in thegrambler.com with a film of some wacky moments, but I think this rather special save deserves to be seen again.  Brilliant or what?  What makes it even better is that he performed it against England.), Michael Gove 1967 (Politician.), Chris Boardman 1967 (Bike racey bloke.), Liam Botham 1977 (Rugby bloke. Ian’s lad.), Macaulay Culkin 1980 (Ex child actor.) and Chris Pine 1980 (James T Kirk.).
 
 
Vicky almost faints as Albert shows her a picture
of the piercing he is planning to get.
 
 

.....oooOooo.....

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Dangler,

You may recognise me as being a former prime minister. Even us ex-prime ministers enjoy music, so I was pleased that you played a track by one of my favourite bands, The Stranglers. Here’s a question for you - What was their most successful single ever?

Yours sincerely,

Gordon Brown.**

**Not really.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Well, time to get on with some grambling. How did The Grambler’s predictions for last week fare? Absolute shi... Not very well. 75 pees back from a £2.20 bet is not particularly successful, I think you will agree. What happened. Read on...

 

 

Bournemouth vs Watford - Prediction Home win

Result - Bournemouth 0 Watford 2

Boo!

Richarlison (That’s all he is known by. What is it with these Brazilian footballers?) opened the scoring when he prodded the ball into the net from close range following a cross from Andre Gray.

Substitute Etienne Capoue doubled Watford’s lead with a fine 25-yard strike late on.

Bournemouth had chances as Benik Afobe had a shot saved by Heurelho Gomes and Joshua King headed over.

Bristol City vs Millwall - Prediction Home win

Result - Bristol City 0 Millwall 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

The Lions created the better of the chances, with Jed Wallace forcing Robins goalkeeper Frank Fielding into a fine safe after half-time.

Left-back Joe Bryan went closest for the hosts, hitting the crossbar after exchanging passes with Bobby Reid.

Fleetwood vs AFC Wimbledon - Prediction Home win

Result - Fleetwood 2 AFC Wimbledon 0

Yay!

Kyle Dempsey orchestrated the opening goal when he found a pocket of space on the right and slid the ball over to Jordy Hiwula, who teed up Devante Cole to curl the ball home from the corner of the box in the 19th minute.

Cole struck again in the 57th minute, a perfectly-weighted Dempsey pass down the channel released him on the left with the striker cutting inside and curling the ball into the top-right corner.

It was not all one-way traffic though as Wimbledon enjoyed a spell of pressure after the goal.

Southend vs Plymouth - Prediction Home win

Result - Southend 1 Plymouth 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

An early own goal from Pilgrims defender Sonny Bradley put the Shrimpers in front at Roots Hall.

But Ryan Edwards' 62nd-minute equaliser ensured the game ended all square.

Forest Green vs Yeovil - Prediction Home win

Result - Forest Green 4 Yeovil 3

Yay!

The visitors took the lead after nine minutes when Olufela Olomola tapped home from close range before Otis Khan doubled their advantage from the penalty spot after the midfielder was tripped in the area.

Rovers responded in the 23rd minute after Dale Bennett got to the byeline and found the head of Christian Doidge, but the Glovers restored their two-goal lead when a defensive header by Emmanuel Monthe fell kindly to striker Francois Zoko to tap in.

Reece Brown hit back for the hosts to make it 2-3 with a well-struck free-kick from the edge of the box on the stroke of half-time.

Charlie Cooper restored parity after 49 minutes with an effort from range which flew through the hands of goalkeeper Artur Krysiak.

Substitute Omar Bugiel then completed the remarkable turnaround, latching onto a deflection and out-jumped the advancing goalkeeper to head into an empty net with 11 minutes remaining.

 

Oh well, ne’er mind, eh. What has the Great and Glorious Grambler randomly selected for us this week? Five matches have been selected and all kick off at 3pm on Saturday, August the 26th.

Game - Result - Odds

Watford (again) vs Brighton - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Cardiff vs QPR - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Middlesbrough vs Preston - Prediction Home win - 4/5

Cambridge vs Morecambe - Prediction Home win - 5/6

Swindon vs Crawley - Prediction Home win - 17/20

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£10.94
 

Not especially whopping.

 


.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which was the last club to win the FA Cup with 11 English players in its starting lineup. You have to go back all of 42 years for the answer. West Ham was the team. Incidentally, their substitute and manager were also English.

One for this week? Let us stick with the FA Cup. Chelsea have won the FA cup seven times in all with seven different managers. Who was the only English manager to be in charge when they won it?

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Ms A Steadman, one of Britain’s most accomplished ectresses. She’s been in loads of things... TV programmes such as Nuts in May, Abigail’s Party, The Singing Detective, Fat Friends and Boomers among others. She has played in many films. Won awards, she has. But who can recall her wonderful radio work? Mrs Naughtie in Hamish and Dougal? What about this? Ladeez and genullum, I give you The Show with Ten Legs.  Ahh... Good old-fashioned humour from 1980. Enjoy.

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday 18 August 2017

Week 3 - The Grambler with a hint of Chanel


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Those of you who regularly read this blog (Thanks to you both.) may remember that I once wrote of a whisky tasting experience.  (See http://www.thegrambler.com/2015/11/week-16-whisky-tasting-grambler-way.html.)  You may recall that I got rather tipsy at the event... and I lost my pen as well... It was a good one too. Any road up, it occurred to me that, while these whisky tasting extravaganzas are a good chance to try a lot of different drams, it is not the nicest environment to be tasting and testing. Basically, the venue is just a big warehouse with some tables set up. There are also very few chairs to allow anyone to rest their weary legs. The worst aspect of the proceedings is there are just too many people attending. You can’t blame the organisers for selling as many tickets as they are able, but it does mean that most of the time is spent queueing. It’s a bit like being at Disneyland and having to queue for every ride. The difference is that at the end of your wait you get a wee drink rather than being flung hundreds of feet in the air on a rollercoaster. There is, however, a similarity: overindulge in either and you are likely to end up vomiting.

There is an alternative... to the whisky tasting... not Disneyland. That alternative is to host your own whisky tasting night. How does that work then, I hear you ask. Here is The Grambler’s guide to hosting your very own whisky tasting evening.

Firstly, you have to keep the invites to a manageable level. Don’t have dozens of people turning up at your door. Not a good idea, especially if your house/flat has only got one toilet. Invite four or five friends who like decent whiskies; that’s a nice target.

Now, the big tasting events cost about 35 quids for the chance to try out dozens of types of whisky. Obviously, you can’t go charging your mates 35 quids to visit you and drink whisky. Not if you want them to remain your mates. So, rather than charge a fee, get each to bring along a couple of favourite whiskies. They just have to ensure that there is enough in each bottle to give all of the ‘attendees’ a nip.

So far, so good. Six people, including yourself, that means twelve (hopefully different) whiskies to sample. But hold on a minute, Bald Eagle, twelve whiskies? That could make everyone rather drunk, could it not. Indeed it could. So that is why every drink has to be just a small measure; even smaller than you get given in a pub. And I’m talking English pubs here. They do tend to be a bit stingy on the measures down there. In Scotland, we used to have measures of one fifth of a gill or one quarter of a gill. These have now been superseded by the metric measures of 25ml and 35ml.  Back in the fifth and quarter gill days, English pubs gave you a sixth of a gill. Mean or what.  I've no idea what the current English measure is.  Probably 20 or even 15ml.*

Any road up, back to the whisky tasting. Another requisite at such an event is food. Ensure that there is plenty of food so that nobody is drinking on an empty stomach. Pie and beans, oatcakes and shortbread are my recommendations.

I recently held such an event and, I have to say [Have you? - Ed.], that it went rather well... Up to a point. Let me explain.

It all started out well. The guys arriving had two bottles of rather nice malt whiskies. One guy actually brought six, but, since the request was for only two bottles, I asked him to select his favourite two. I was the barman. I gave every person a glass and filled each with a small measure of the first whisky to be sampled. The guys all gave their opinion of it... some liked it, others weren’t so keen. Between that and the next sample, there were oatcakes to nibble and water to drink. So it went on through the evening. After half a dozen tastings, I served up pie and beans which, after a few whiskies, makes a terrific snack.

After that, we resumed knocking back... sorry, sampling the whiggies, I mean whiskies. I wasn’t so particular about the measures by now, so they were getting a bit lager... not lager... I meant larger. Then, somebody else started pourin’ ’em and they din even use a measure. I mean. Thass jus askin’ for trouble, innit? An’ after a why... after a while... we’d finished our ten, or was it twelve, diffren whizzies. But, ’member, someone had brought more boddles... Well, it would be rude not to try ’em and the night was still young... It was only about... I dunno. Wazzun late, yet. So, we had another cubbla nips. Then I relized I had more in a cupboard somewhere... So I got a couple of boddles out... an’ we had a frew more. An’... then what happened? I don’t know. I might have gone to sleep.

Everyone told me afterwards what a great night it had been. I have to agree, it was a great success. If I could make one further suggestion on how to run a successful whisky tasting, it would be make sure that the measures are tiny. I mean really really tiny. Shouldn’t be too difficult. Just pretend you’re in that pub in England.
 
 
Cheers!
 
 * Apology.  I have just checked and the standard measure of spirit in England is actually 25ml, as in Scotland, which rather spoils my parting comment there.

.....oooOooo.....
 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 19th of August? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. John Dryden 1631 (Poet. The first poet laureate don’t cha know.), Orville Wright 1871 (Fly guy.), Coco Chanel 1883 (Clown.), Ogden Nash 1902 (Married to Hilda in Corrie.), Maurice Wilks 1904 (Owner of the pub in Emmerdale.), Gene Roddenberry 1921 (He boldly went... etc.), Bernard Levin 1928 (The most famous journalist of his day... according to the Times, for which he worked.), Frank McCourt 1930 (Wrote Angela’s Ashes, supposedly an account of his childhood which was denounced by McCourt’s own mother as ‘a pack of lies’.), Bill Shoemaker 1931 (Horse racey bloke.), Debra Paget 1933 (Elvis’s bird in Love Me Tender.), Richard Ingrams 1937 (Co-founder of Private Eye and founder of The Oldie.), Jill St. John 1940 (Tiffany Case in Diamonds Are Forever.), Ian Gillan 1945 (Singer from off of Deep Purple. Time for a clip methinks. What should it be, I thought. Smoke on the Water, every would-be guitarist’s first ‘riff’? Black Night with its meaningful lyrics? No. Let’s have a bit of rock meets classical. Ladeez and genullum, I give you Concerto for group and orchestra.), Bill Clinton 1946 (Hillary’s man.), Christy O’Connor Jnr 1948 (Golfy bloke.), Jennie Bond 1950 (Nicholas Witchell’s mum.), John Deacon 1951 (Bassist from off of Queen. Another clip vicar? Here’s one that he wrote. Not surprisingly, it has a rather good bass line. I’ll give you a clue; it’s very popular at funerals.), Jonathan Coe 1961 (Orfer.), Darius Campbell aka Darius Danesh aka Darius 1980 (Popstar to opera star.) and Simon Bird 1984 (An Inbetweener who likes his Friday night dinners.).

.....oooOooo.....

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Blunder,

Over here in the owld country we like to listen to a bit of Queen. Your man Freddie Mercury was a great singer. I remember back in 1984 they had a few big hits. One of them even got to number one here in Ireland, though I’m thinking it only got to number two in the UK. I can’t for the life of me mind the name of it. Can you help us out?

Yours sincerely,

Ray D. O’Gaga.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Well, time to get on with some grambling. How did The Grambler’s predictions for last week fare? Eight pees worse than last week We got a return of £1.82 from our £2.20 bet. What happened. Read on...

 

Everton vs Stoke - Prediction Home win

Result - Everton 1 Stoke City 0

Yay!

Wean Rooney found space in the area to head a Dominic Calvert-Lewin cross past Stoke goalkeeper Jack Butland in what was the Toffees' best move of the match.

Calvert-Lewin also went close for the home side as Stoke struggled to break Everton down.

Xherdan Shaqiri's (No, I don’t know how to pronounce it.) long-range effort did force Everton goalkeeper Jordan Pickford into a fine save in stoppage-time, with the 23-year-old leaping across his line to tip wide.

 

Brentford vs Nottingham Forest - Prediction Home win

Result - Brentford 3 Forest 4

Boo!

John Egan headed the Bees in front early on before Andreas Bouchalakis levelled.

Daryl Murphy then put Forest ahead to give them the lead at half-time.

Bouchalakis got his second just after the break, Andreas Bjelland headed one back before Kieran Dowell got Forest's fourth and Neal Maupay claimed a late third goal for the Bees.

 

Hull vs Burton Albion - Prediction Home win

Result - Hull 4 Burton Albion 1

Yay!

Abel Hernandez scored a hat-trick as Hull City won for the first time under new manager Leonid Slutsky.

The Uruguayan opened the scoring at the KCOM Stadium after four minutes, before Jackson Irvine equalised for Albion.

But he saw red for a second yellow card and two goals in three second-half minutes from Kamil Grosicki and Hernandez put Hull back in front.

Hernandez completed his hat-trick on 68 minutes

 

Sheffield Wednesday vs QPR - Prediction Home win

Result - Sheffield 1 QPR 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

QPR forward Jamie Mackie scored from a tough angle, but Owls sub Sam Winnall drilled home in his first match this term from Barry Bannan's cross to pull the hosts level.

Late on, Kazenga LuaLua had a superb chance to give Rangers victory, but he fired wide when one-on-one.

 

Middlesbrough vs Sheffield Utd. - Prediction Home win

Result - Middlesbrough 1 Sheffield Utd. 0

Yay!

Middlesbrough’s goal came when Rudy Gestede looped the ball over goalkeeper Jamal Blackman after the Blades had failed to clear Patrick Bamford's lofted pass into the penalty area.

Gestede hit the post with another header before half-time.

Sheffield United had a goal disallowed in stoppage time. Jack O'Connell was adjudged to be offside when Dael Fry nodded a free-kick into his own net.

 

Ho hum. What has The Grambler randomly...blah blah blah... You know the routine by now. All games kick off at 3pm on Saturday the 19th of August.

Game - Result - Odds

Bournemouth vs Watford - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Bristol City vs Millwall - Prediction Home win - 10/11

Fleetwood vs AFC Wimbledon - Prediction Home win - 19/20

Southend vs Plymouth - Prediction Home win - 19/20

Forest Green vs Yeovil - Prediction Home win - 10/11

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£12.70

 

A bit more whopping than last week.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you what unusual ‘double’ Shrewsbury Town won in 1978-79. They won the Third Division Championship and they also won the Welsh Cup. Hang on a mo, I hear you ask... Welsh Cup? Shrewsbury? In Shropshire? The one in England? I know, I know. Listen, I don’t make the rules. Nine miles from the Welsh border obviously makes them Welsh. A bit.  Because, even though they won the cup, they were not permitted to take the allotted place in the European Cup-winners’ Cup. Oh, I see. They are only Welsh when it suits, is that it? I like to think of them as Wales’ answer to the well known ‘Scottish’ side Berwick Rangers.

One for this week? Here’s an interesting one in these days of English teams featuring not one English player... Which was the last club to win the FA Cup with 11 English players in its starting line-up?

 

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Mr D. Neilson. Who? He is an ectaw. And? He plays the part of Roy Cropper, a character in Coronation Street. And? Did you enjoy the Deep Purple album? Concerto for group and orchestra? I hope so. It, apparently, is the favourite album of Mr Cropper, a fictional character. Don’t believe me? Click here.

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Friday 11 August 2017

Week 2 - The Grambler remembers Glen Campbell


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Well, we’re off. Last Sunday I attended my first footy game of the new season. Unfortunately, the mighty ’Well were not so mighty on the day and lost 2 - 1. However, the new team - and it is basically a new team - looked impressive.

We were playing the Teddy Bears and as is so often the case when Motherwell play either of the Old Firm (or New Firm as it is often called these days, because Rangers is a new club. It was formed in 2012 apparently. Not 1872. It is therefore a new club with no affiliation to the original Glasgow Rangers. Apart from playing in the same stadium. And having the same true blue support. Definitely a new club. Mmm.) it seemed that we were up against 11 players plus match officials. [I should like to point out that referees and linesmen are totally impartial and would never favour one team to the detriment of the other. - Ed.] That is as maybe, but when a dodgy penalty was awarded against the ’Well, you can imagine the comments made by the crowd. The Hallelujah Chorus rang out, with altered words of course. Any road up, that penalty decision cost us the game. Well, at least a point. Why am I telling you all of this? Pull up a chair and I’ll tell ee...

The following morning I got up - Cue Chic Murray gag... I like to get up; it gives me the rest of the day to myself - Mrs G had been up and about for ages. We started talking about the game, which is unusual in itself because Mrs G has no interest in football other than wanting to know how Andy Robertson got on. I mentioned that some sections of our crowd thought that the referee was not only biased, but was actually a Rangers fan. She replied that she had read all about it and that the penalty being given was being questioned by the media. What has happened, thinks I. How does she know about the game? How does she know about the disputed penalty decision? It turns out that she had seen the headline which included the ref’s name. And? The name of the ref drew her attention. It transpires that Mrs G in her capacity as a nursery school teacher had actually had the said referee as one of her pupils sometime during the last century.

There was me thinking that she had suddenly taken an interest in the beautiful game.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

I can’t let this week’s (g)ramble go by without a mention of Mr Glen Campbell who died earlier this week. I actually liked old Glen. He seemed like a nice guy. He was the acceptable face of country music as far as I was concerned. The songs he produced in his heyday were gentle, melodic pieces; not the usual schmaltz. He also had the distinction of being in the touring band of the Beach Boys during 1964 and 65 and played guitar on their 1966 album Pet Sounds. He even made a fair fist of acting when he appeared in the John Wayne film True Grit. Yes, he was an all right bloke. Or was he?

One snippet of information that I recently spotted shows him in a very different light. His first really big hit, in America at least, was a cover of Buffy Sainte-Marie’s Universal Soldier. And? That was in 1965, at the height of anti-Vietnam War feeling across the USA. Young people were refusing to be drafted into the American forces to fight in a war they saw as being unjust. And? Universal Soldier was very much a pacifist song which tapped into that zeitgeist (That’s a good word. Must look it up.) And? When he was questioned about the anti-war theme of the song, he showed his true colours, perhaps... ‘People who are advocating burning draft cards should be hung.’

I liked him until I read that. We should still afford him the honour of a link, though. Don’t you agree? Here he is singing that very song.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 12th of August? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. George IV 1762 (The first gentleman of England.), Cecil B. DeMille 1881 (Film maker fond of Biblical epics.), Alexei Nikolaevich, Tsarevich of Russia 1904 (Heir apparent to the throne of the Russian Empire.), Mario Fortino Alfonso Moreno Reyes aka Mario Moreno aka Cantinflas 1911 (Mexican actor. Passepartout in Around the World in 80 Days.), Guy Gibson 1918 (Dam buster.), Fulton Mackay 1922 (Mr Mackay. [Obviously, he’s called Mackay. - Ed.] No. Mr Mackay in Porridge.), Derek Shackleton 1924 (Crickety bloke.), Ross ’n’ Norris McWhirter 1925 (Twins who founded the Guinness Book of Records.), John Derek 1926 (Actor, director, cinematographer, screenwriter, editor and producer who was famous for his wives. Well, three of them, anyway. Wives numbers 2 to 4 were lookalikes Ursula Andress, Linda Evans and Bo Derek.), George Hamilton 1939 (Ronseal man.), Eddie Barlow 1940 (Sarth Ifrican creekutty blike.), Terry Nutkins 1946 (TV naturalist and beekeeper.), Mark Knopfler 1949 (Dire Straits singer [Singer!!! Ha! - Ed.], guitarist and Rab C. Nesbitt lookalike. Time for our second clip of the week. Woo hoo...), Francois Hollande 1954 (Ex President of France.), Pat Metheny 1954 (Jazz guitarist and composer. Here’s one you may remember.), Amanda Redman 1957 (A new trick.), Roy Hay 1961 (A quarter of Culture Club. Want a clip? One of the number ones? No, this is my favourite Culture Club single. Roy’s the one pretending to fly the plane, incidentally.), Pete Sampras 1971 (Tennisy bloke. Aka Pistol Pete.), Tyson Fury 1988 (Boxy bloke. Aka Gypsy King aka The Furious One aka 2 Fast.), Tom Cleverley 1989 (Footy bloke.) and Mario Balotelli (Nutty footy bloke.).

I don’t normally dwell on those who die on a given date, but August the 12th seems to have been a day that many famous folk snuffed it. Cleopatra 30BC (Egyptian queen. How the hell can anyone pinpoint that date over 2000 years on?), William Blake 1827 (Poet and painter.), George Stephenson 1848 (Pioneering civil and mechanical engineer.), Leos Janacek 1928 (Czech composer.), Thomas Mann 1955 (German novelist.), Ian Fleming 1964 (Writer.), John Williams 1978 (Motor bike racey bloke.), Henry Fonda 1982 (Actor.), Kyu Sakamoto 1985 (Japanese singer.), Jean-Michel Basquiat 1988 (American painter.), John Cage 1992 (American composer and music theorist.), Loretta Young 2000 (American actress.), Les Paul 2009 (American guitarist.), Robert Robinson 2011 (British panel-game show host.), Alf Morris 2012 (English politician.), David McLetchie 2013 (Scottish politician.), Laren Bacall 2014 (American actress.) and Stephen Lewis (English comedy actor.). Hmm... A busy date for funeral directors.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Bumbler,

I am a pretty laid-back guy living in France and just loved Culture Club. I can recall their number one record ‘Do You Really Want to Hurt Me’, but I’m sure they had another song made it to number one, but can’t remember its title. Can you help?

Yours sincerely,

Calm R. Cammy (Lyons).

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Well, time to get on with some grambling. How did The Grambler’s predictions for the first week of the 2017 to 2018 season fare? Not so good, I’m afraid. [No need to be afraid; I’m here to protect you. - Ed.] We got a return of £1.90 from our £2.20 bet. What happened. Read on...

Bradford vs Blackpool - Prediction Home win

Result Bradford 2 Blackpool 1

Yay!

Bradford took the lead in the 41st minute when ex-Motherwell man Nicky Law's free-kick was flicked into the path of Nathaniel Knight-Percival by substitute Tim Dieng and the defender stabbed the ball into the net at the far post.

However, Blackpool were rewarded with an equaliser two minutes later when the Bradford defence failed to cut out a through-ball from Mark Cullen for the unmarked Colin Daniel to score.

Bradford put the visitors' defence under pressure at the start of the second half and Omari Patrick came up with the winner in the 58th minute. He took a neat pass from Jake Reeves to score with a right-footed shot just inside the upright.

 

Doncaster vs Gillingham - Prediction Home win

Result Doncaster 0 Gillingham 0

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Rovers midfielder Ben Whiteman saw one strike hit the woodwork and another cleared off the line, while the visitors also had opportunities to walk away with the spoils in an entertaining encounter at the Keepmoat Stadium.

The hosts had the better of the play overall and should have been in front early in the game with Liam Mandeville and Matty Blair both going close.

Gillingham surged back as the half wore on with Gabriel Zakuani seeing a header clawed off the line by Ian Lawlor while Danny Andrew drew a fine save from Thomas Holy at the opposite end.

Doncaster continued to have the better of the chances with Holy saving an Andy Butler header while Mandeville drilled narrowly over.

Gills' Scott Wagstaff made sure Lawlor stayed alert with a rasping drive while John Marquis curled wide from 20-yards as Rovers looked the more likely to win it.

And Whiteman twice went close to ensuring that, sending a dipping volley back off the crossbar before seeing another superb strike headed over by O'Neill.

 

Peterborough vs Plymouth - Prediction Home win

Result Peterborough 2 Plymouth 1

Yay!

The Pilgrims fell behind just four minutes in when a Leo Da Silva Lopes cross took a deflection off Gary Sawyer - who was credited with an own goal.

Plymouth conceded again two minutes into the second period as their appeals for a foul were ignored after Jack Marriott robbed defender Sonny Bradley. Marriott then set up a second goal for Junior Morias.

Excellent saves from McCormick kept ex-Motherwell man Derek Adams' side in the contest as he denied Doughty and Marriott before Plymouth substitute Gregg Wylde fired past the previously unbeatable Jonathan Bond with 14 minutes to go.

 

Portsmouth vs Rochdale - Prediction Home win

Result Portsmouth 2 Rochdale 0

Yay!

The visitors started brightly and their first chance fell to Oliver Rathbone, who tried his luck from outside the area but saw his effort sail over the bar.

Rochdale's Keith Keane was given a straight red card by referee Lee Probert in the 21st minute after fouling Conor Chaplin when the striker ran through on goal.

The home side made the extra man count in the 46th minute when Pitman dribbled his way into the area and had two shots blocked before eventually curling it past Josh Lillis into the bottom corner.

Probert gave another straight red card in the 81st minute, this time sending off Pompey's Jamal Lowe for a high challenge on Jamie Allen.

However, Pitman headed in his second goal of the match in the 92nd minute to secure victory for the home side after he was picked out by Gareth Evans.

Did you know Portsmouth are now owned by former Disney chief executive Michael Eisner? So are they now officially a Mickey Mouse club?

Scunthorpe vs AFC Wimbledon - Prediction Home win

Result Scunthorpe 1 Wimbledon 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Conor Townsend gave the hosts an early lead when he fired into the top corner after being played in by Josh Morris.

Jimmy Abdou grabbed Wimbledon's equaliser midway through the second-half with a volley from the edge of the penalty area.

 

Blast! Two ’it the bars spoiled our first bet of the new season. Never mind. What has the great and good Grambler come up with this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Everton vs Stoke - Prediction Home win - 7/10

Brentford vs Nottingham Forest - Prediction Home win - 17/20

Hull vs Burton Albion - Prediction Home win - 8/13

Sheffield Wednesday vs QPR - Prediction Home win - 5/6

Middlesbrough vs Sheffield Utd. - Prediction Home win - 10/11

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£9.89

 

No. Not in the least bit whopping.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you which famous Scot managed all those hunners of clubs when he retired from playing. The answer was, of course, Joe Jordan aka Jaws.

One for this week? A tougher one than last week’s, I hope. What unusual ‘double’ did Shrewsbury Town win in 1978-79?

 

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to Messrs R. and N. McWhirter who were the first editors of the Guinness Book of Records. Originally the records included in this tome were reasonably sensible. Fastest and slowest moving species would be given. Tallest building, fastest plane/car/motorbike, highest mountain. longest river, etc. would be covered. Human extremes were also noted - tallest/shortest, heaviest/lightest - that sort of thing. All very interesting and the sort of information which could stop any potential argument in a pub. Sporting ‘bests’ were also covered, so if you wanted to know who the fastest runner/swimmer/walker was, the answer was at your fingertips.

Things have changed, though. Nowadays, any old stunt can get you into the Guinness Book of Records. Here are some of the dafter entries...

Michael Kopp holds the duration record for spinning a basketball on a toothbrush held between his teeth. Now, correct me if I am wrong, but I don’t believe there is a competition anywhere that asks competitors to balance a basketball on a toothbrush, so why would anyone attempt such a thing?

A 21 year old failed to get into the book when she attempted to pull an aeroplane with her hair. What? Why? Who needs to do such a ridiculous thing?

Juggling underwater? I am not making these up.

How about a world record gathering of costumed dogs? Presumably it was their owners who brought all these well-dressed animals along for a pooch parade; the dogs didn’t all just gather together of their own accord. That would be silly... No, I think I should rephrase that. That would be even sillier.

100 metre hurdles in a record time? That’s more like it. Wearing flippers. What!!!

Largest gathering of people dressed as Smurfs? This is now getting incredibly silly.

Deepest cycling underwater? No juggling involved.

Largest gathering of people dressed as Mahatma Ghandi?

The largest number of people twerking simultaneously? This is just ludicrous!

Largest gathering of people dressed as... who is it this time? Oh, Albert Einstein. Of course. I should have guessed.

All very silly stuff. Here’s a question for you. Why did the Guinness Book of Records come into existence? Let’s end with a little history lesson.

On May 4, 1951, Sir Hugh Beaver - stop sniggering at the back - then the managing director of the Guinness Brewery, went on a shooting party in North Slob in County Wexford, Ireland. He became involved in an argument over which was the fastest game bird in Europe, but later realised it was impossible to confirm in reference books. He thought that a book supplying answers to such questions might be popular. The rest, as they say, is history.

Nowadays, we just head for Googly (which is exactly where I found the above information) and, hey bingo, the answer is right in front of us. [Ah, but is it the correct answer? - Ed.]

 


 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

Thursday 3 August 2017

Week 1 - The Grambler on Neymar


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

The more observant amongst you may have noticed that the last edition of your favourite ill-informed blog was numbered as week 50 whereas this week’s is only numbered as 1. That can only mean one thing... Happy new football season! Yay!!! No more donkeys!

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

I have just eaten a packet of crisps. Not a particularly interesting start to this week’s (g)ramble, I admit, but everything has to begin somehow. Why did I tell you this riveting fact? As I was eating them, I suddenly had a craving for what was, in my opinion, the crisp with the best flavour ever. Bovril. Yep, that meat-based beverage drunk at football grounds throughout the land. There was once a manufacturer of potato snacks - Tudor - that produced a crisp of that flavour. Isn’t it odd what triggers the memory?

Whatever happened to Tudor crisps, anyway? They really were the dog’s bollocks when I were a nipper. Not only did they have the best crisp flavours, they gave away free gifts. You used to be able to save tokens to get these freebies. Who can remember the fantastic Wear-em Scare-ems? Actually, they were neither fantastic nor scary; they were just bits of metal with a supposedly scary face on them. No matter, a free gift is a free gift and, whether it was complete sh*t or not, everybody just had to have them. Of course, free didn’t really mean free, did it? When you sent off for an example of said free gift, you had to enclose a postal order (Do you still get them?) to cover postage and packing. The cost of this postal order was probably about 50 times the value of the wonderful gift. Plus, you had to eat about 50 bags of crisps to get a single gift... and there was something like a dozen to collect. I think I managed to send for exactly one of the set, because, by the time I had saved enough tokens, I was utterly sick of crisps... even Bovril flavoured ones.
 
Ooh scary
 

I was always sending for freebies when I was a kid. My older brother was a keen motorcyclist and bought a weekly magazine which covered all aspects of motorcycling. Every week, there was a printed card inside the mag which advertised Duckham’s oil. You could send this off to receive a free keyring. This time, it really was free; you didn’t even have to put a stamp on the card. I must have amassed about two dozen keyrings before Duckham’s presumably twigged that they were losing money and stopped putting those cards in the magazines.
 
Duckham's keyring...
Worth a mint on ebay

Another thing I loved doing was writing letters of complaint if I thought something wasn’t quite right. Do you remember Bazooka Joe bubble gum? They cost one penny and, as well as a piece of gum, there was a Bazooka Joe strip cartoon inside the wrapper. Well, I used to save these, not particularly funny, cartoons. However, I was a bit miffed when I opened a packet to find that the strip had been guillotined in the wrong place so that I had two half strips. Time to put pen to paper thinks I (aged 8). After a few days, I received a parcel which contained a letter of apology from the company explaining that the packaging process could not check that each cartoon strip was cut perfectly and would I accept this box of Bazooka Joe bubble gum as a goodwill gesture. The box held 144 (a gross) blocks of bubble gum. What did I do? Give them to my friends? Not on your Nellie. I was eight, for goodness’ sake; I hadn’t yet learned that thing called generosity (although, I soon would). Sell them? I was eight, for goodness’ sake; I hadn’t yet learned about greedy entreprenuerial enterprise. I had learned about greed, though. I attempted to chew my way through the entire box of gum. You can guess the outcome. Before very long, I was feeling rather unwell. My friends (and I) then discovered an unknown side to my character... actual generosity. I happily distributed the remaining blocks of gum to anyone who wanted them. Incidentally, I have never chewed gum since that time. Even today, half a century on, I just hate chewing gum. The very thought of it takes me back to that childhood incident. Bleurgh! as Bazooka Joe himself might have said.
 
 
 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Well, I can announce that the football world has officially gone bonkers in the nut.  Until today the highest transfer fee paid for any player, anywhere, ever, was the 89.3 million quids Manchester United threw at Juventus last year.  You would think that that record payout might be broken eventually.  Maybe 100 million would be paid out some time in the future.  It's called inflation.  Whoever is in charge of the cheque book at Paris Saint Germain obviously thought if you are going to break the record, do it in style.  The club has just paid Barcelona 200 million quid for Neymar.  You read that correctly, 200 million quid.  For one bloke who is good at kicking a ball about?  There's more.  Neymar is not only the most expensive player ever, he will be the highest paid.  He will be getting (I nearly said earning) £782,000 per week.  Not per year.  Per week.  Crazy money.  Utterly crazy.  I blame Jimmy Hill.  I do.
 
.....oooOooo.....
 
 
Were any famous or notorious people born on the 5th of August? Of course. Here are some I’ve even heard of. Joseph Merrick 1862 (Exhibited in a freak show as the Elephant Man, Merrick’s severe deformities were never explained during his lifetime. It has since been speculated that he suffered from a rare congenital disorder known as Proteus Syndrome.), Joan Hickson 1906 (Miss Marple.), John Huston 1906 (Film director, screenwriter and actor. Son of Walter and father of Angelica.), Robert Taylor 1911 (Actor. A chain-smoker, he died of lung cancer aged 57.), Neil Armstrong 1930 (Bloke that walked somewhere no one else had been. Okay, there was a bit more to it than that.), Gay Byrne 1934 (Irish TV host.), Roger Clark 1939 (Rallying bloke.), Loni Anderson 1945 (Actress who no longer looks like Loni Anderson, thanks to some ‘surgery’.), Rick Derringer 1947 (Guitarist, vocalist and producer. Did you know he was lead vocalist on this?  No? Well, he was.), Ray Clemence 1948 (Footy bloke.), Barbara Flynn 1948 (Actress. Freda Ashton. One for fans of 1970s’ drama ‘Family at War’ there.), Louis Walsh 1952 (Manager of famous Irish acts Johnny Logan, Boyzone and Westlife who became famous himself.), Pete Burns 1959 (Singer with Dead or Alive. [Dead, definitely. - Ed.] Here he is spinning right round with their biggest hit.), Janet McTeer 1961 (Ectress, don’tcha know. Vita Sackville West, that was her.), Marine Le Pen 1968 (French politician.), Colin McRae 1968 (Rallying bloke.), Dan Hipgrave 1975 (Writer and guitarist. He is in a band named after... erm... a washing machine? Have a link.) and Wayne Bridge 1980 (Footy bloke.).

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Crumbler,

We are both great fans of the band Toploader. You included their hit, Achilles Heel, but didn’t they have another big hit prior to that one?

Yours sincerely,

Dan Sing, Ena Moon-Light.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Well, time to get on with some grambling. Our final bet on the nags netted us an actual profit. Woo hoo! Yep. From our £2.20 stake, we got a return of... wait for it... £2.25. A profit of 5 whole pees. What happened? Read on...

Newcastle - 1.55 - Banff - Won! Yay!

Chester - 2.00 - Buridan - Fifth. Fifth???

Newcastle - 3.05 - Horroob - Second. Boo!

Ascot - 3.35 - Enable - Won! Yay!

Lingfield - 7.30 - Working Class - Won! Yay!
 
 

Well, are you ready for this? The first bet of the 2017-18 footy season? Let’s see what The Grambler has predicted for us. All games kick off at 3.00pm on Saturday the 5th of August...

Game - Result - Odds

Bradford vs Blackpool - Prediction Home win - 11/20

Doncaster vs Gillingham - Prediction Home win - 8/11

Peterborough vs Plymouth - Prediction Home win - 19/20

Portsmouth vs Rochdale - Prediction Home win - 17/20

Scunthorpe vs AFC Wimbledon - Prediction Home win - 5/6

Hmm... For the first gramble of the new season The Grambler has not only picked five games from the same division (One, or three in old money), but has selected all the teams that were promoted at the end of last season. Odd.

Anyway, the bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

£9.88

 

Distinctly unwhopping.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you who was voted the player of the tournament at the 2014 World Cup finals, but seemed embarrassed at the award. The answer was Lionel Messi. Why was he a bit embarrassed? Well, although he had played well in the group stages of the finals he was, let’s say, pretty ordinary in the knockout stages and couldn’t influence the final as he would perhaps have liked. He, like most spectators, might have preferred Neuer or Müller of Germany to be given the award.

One for this week? Let’s have a question relating to a famous Scotsman. Which Scottish international, after his retirement from playing, managed Bristol City, Hearts, Stoke City, then, after a spell as assistant coach at Celtic, Bristol City again, before becoming assistant coach at several clubs, often working with Harry Rednapp? Easy or what?

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

As usual, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to Messrs G. Byrne and L. Walsh. Why? Because Mr Byrne was the person who first let the world see a band that would become incredibly famous under the control of Mr Walsh. Boyzone appeared on Gay Byrne’s Late Late Show in 1993. Unfortunately, Mr Byrne (and everyone else, for that matter) didn’t really see the group as having potential. See what you think. Here is this week’s closing clip from a show called Before They Were Famous.

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.