Post 503 - An AI gramble

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…

 

Story Time

Artificial intelligence is a term that is being bandied about a lot these days. AI (with its ability to make decisions far quicker than us mere mortals) we are told by some nerdy types who work in that field, will make life better for everyone. Others fear that artificial intelligence will take over the world. And... heh heh... judging by some of the current crop of world leaders... heh heh... it already has. [By saying that, you are implying that they actually do have some form of intelligence. I would question that. - Ed. ]

Any road up, it seems that artificial intelligence is not always properly sorted before it is let loose on an unsuspecting public.

For years, car manufacturers have been trying to perfect an autonomous vehicle; one that can drive itself without the need for a driver. Results have been pretty unconvincing so far.

One instance of a... let's call it... glitch was the occasion when a driver, presumably believing that he was perfectly safe, perhaps relied a little too much on his car's driverless capabilities and simply wasn't watching what was happening around him. The system could detect objects ahead of it and behind it; what it could not spot was a dirty great lorry ramming into the side of the car as it headed straight through a junction. I'm guessing that the man didn't sue. His widow may have done, but he most certainly didn't.

I also heard of another vehicle that used AI to drive it. The system was 'taught' to recognise shapes such as a human being walking or a person riding a bike and it dealt admirably with these obstacles. What it could not recognise was a person walking along while pushing a bike. You can imagine the consequences. Sadly, someone else had to die before the problem came to light. It simply couldn't work out the combining of two objects. Thus, a lady and her bike became totally mangled.

My view is that making cars driverless is a step too far. Perhaps, instead, AI could be used to improve a person's driving technique. How so, I hear you ask. I suggest that it be given a voice to give a driver hints about what is happening around him or her.

How about a gentle reminder if the driver is going a little too fast? Or a tut tutting sound if he or she drives too close to the vehicle in front.

When a driver pulls out to pass a cyclist (on a bike, not pushing it) AI could inform him or her that they had, or hadn't, given the cyclist enough space to wobble.  Indeed, it could emit a sharp intake of breath if any dangerous overtaking manoeuvre is so much as considered. Don't ask me how it would know such a thing before the driver makes the move; it just would. It's all witchcraft as far as I'm concerned.

However, it might also be able to teach AI to resolve what I consider to be the most heinous of driving 'crimes' and, for that, a more succinct command would most definitely be necessary. May I suggest that when a car is exiting a roundabout, the artificial intelligence gives the driver a gentle rebuke such as, 'F****** signal, you stupid f****** c***!'*

 

*[May I point out to our many readers (hope you are both well) that the words with asterisks are 'flaming' and 'clot'. I assure you, I shall have a word with the writer of this blog later.]

 

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Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 30th of March? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Jethro Tull 1674 - Agriculturalist (Try saying that after a couple of pints.). He invented a horse-drawn seed drill which revolutionised farming and led to the Agrarian Revolution. Oh, and he has a band named after him, the famous Jethro Toe.

Anna Sewell 1820 - Author of Black Beauty.

Ted Heath 1902 - Bandleader. Would you like a clip? Yes? Here’s Hawaiian War Chant.

Albert Pierrepoint 1905 - Britain’s last hangman.

Peter Welch 1922 - Jobbing actor. Det. Supt. Clark in Spy Trap.

Felix Bowness 1922 - Actor. Fred Quilley in Hi-de-Hi!

Tom Sharpe 1928 - Author.

R*lf H*rr*s 1930 - *rt*st, s*ng*r, *ll r**nd *nt*rt**n*r *nd c*mpl*t* n*nc*.

Mark Burns 1936 - Actor. Capt. Charles Pike in By the Sword Divided.

Norman Gifford 1940 - Crickety bloke.

Graeme Edge 1941 - Drummer. Co-founder of The Moody Blues. I think a clip is in order. Here is Graeme giving it laldy on a live version of the band’s only U.S. number one single, The Voice.

Sarah Badel 1943 - Actress. Lizzie in The Pallisers. Alan’s lass. Ask your dad.

Gabrielle Drake 1944 - Actress. Jill Hammond/Williams in The Brothers. Nick’s sister. Ask your mum.

Johnnie Walker 1945 - DJ.

Eric Clapton 1945 - Musician. As well as performing as a solo artist, he has worked with... deep breath... The Yardbirds, John Mayall’s Bluesbreakers, Cream, Blind Faith, Delaney & Bonnie and Friends and Derek and the Dominoes. Let’s have a clip. Something early, I think. He was on this one, Good Morning Little Schoolgirl.  Some dodgy lyrics there.

Sue Cook 1949 - TV and radio presenter.

Dana Gillespie 1949 - Actress, singer and songwriter, it says here.

Robbie Coltrane 1950 - Actor. Hagrid in the Harry Potter films.

David Janson 1950 - Actor. Jimmy Harker in The Newcomers. Ask your gran.

Martina Cole 1959 - Author.

Steven Pinder 1960 - Actor. Max Farnham in Broooookside.

Gary Stevens 1962 - Footy bloke.

Piers Morgan 1965 - The well-known c***. [That’s clot again, readers. - Ed.]

Charlie Christie 1966 - Fitba guy.

Simon Green aka Bonobo 1976 - Musician. Have a clip. Here’s ATK.

Mark McClelland 1976 - Musician. He was Snow Patrol’s original bass player. A clip? Why, soitenly. Here’s Spitting Games.

Simon Webbe 1978 - Singer. A quarter of Blue. Here’s a clip for you, I Can.  That was the UK’s entry for 2011’s Eurovision Song Contest. It came 11th, so I'm guessing they couldn't.

Calum Elliot 1987 - Fitba guy. Played a few games for Motherwell.

Steven Saunders 1991 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell, you know.

Steven Meechan 1991 - Fitba guy. Another ex-Motherwell guy.

Stuart Armstrong 1992 - Fitba guy. Has never played for Motherwell.

And now, what about any famous or infamous people born on the 6th of April?

J. G. Parry-Thomas 1884 - Racing driver. Set a world land-speed record on Pendine Sands of 170 mph in 1926. Came to grief on the same Pendine Sands while attempting another world land-speed record the following year.

Richard Murdoch 1907 - Actor. He was Arthur Askey’s side-kick in the early BBC radio comedy series Band Waggon before achieving greater fame in another radio series called Much-Binding-in-the-Marsh a show he conceived and wrote with Kenneth Horne.

Richard ‘Stinker’ Murdoch. Where’s Lewis the goat?

Ian Paisley 1926 - Politician and church minister famous for shiting lidely in a Northern Irish accent.

Willis Hall 1929 - Playwright and screenwriter. Billy Liar, that was one of his.

Corbet Woodall 1929 - TV newsreader who moved to acting... usually playing newsreaders.

Dave Sexton 1930 - Footy bloke.

Dudley Sutton 1933 - Jobbing actor. Tinker Dill in Lovejoy. 159 credits on IMDb.

Brian Cosgrove 1934 - Animator. Produced Count Duckula and Danger Mouse.

Terence Hardiman 1937 - Actor. The Demon Headmaster in... The Demon Headmaster.

Paul Daniels 1938 - Cocky little illusionist. [I’m guessing you weren’t his greatest fan. - Ed.]

M*x Cl*ff*rd 1943 - Sex offender.

Julie Rogers 1943 - Singer. Had a top ten UK hit in 1964 with The Wedding. Her next-best performing single reached only number 31. Would you like to hear it? Of course you would. Here’s Hawaiian Wedding Song.  She seemed to like weddings. [As long as it didn't develop into a war chant. - Ed.]

John Stax 1941 - Musician. He was the original bassist with The Pretty Things. A clip? Here’s Don't Bring Me Down.

Gordon Giltrap 1948 - Musician. Let’s have a bit of poppy prog; here’s his biggest hit, Heart Song.

Peter Van Hooke 1950 - Musician. He was the drummer in Mike + The Mechanics. Have a clip. Here’s Silent Running (On Dangerous Ground). 

Ian Redford 1951 - Actor. Ted Nancarrow in Strike.

Patrick Doyle 1953 - Composer. Here’s a toon by him that any Harry Potter film fans will know, Hogwarts' Hymn.

Judi Bowker 1954 - Actress. Vicki Gordon in The Adventures of Black Beauty.

Glen Murphy 1957 - Actor. George Green in London’s Burning.

Mark Strickson 1959 - Actor known for playing Turlough in various Doctor Who episodes.

Rory Bremner 1961 - Comedian and impressionist.

Andy Walker 1965 - Fitba guy.

Jonathan Firth 1967 - Actor. Prince Albert in Victoria & Albert. Colin’s wee bro.

Louie Spence 1969 - Dancer and TV personality, it says here.

Danny Lennon 1969 - Fitba guy.

James Fox 1976 - Singer and Cardiff City fan. Have a clip. Here’s Bluebirds Flying High.

Myleene Klass 1978 - Singer and pianist. Let’s have another clip. Here’s Toccata and Fugue. [One of Britain’s best-loved comedy duos. - Ed.]

Robert Earnshaw 1981 - Pêl-droediwr.

Mike Bailey 1988 - Actor. Sid Jenkins in Skins.

Fabrice Muamba 1988 - Footy bloke.

Kate Forbes 1990 - Politician.

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Eric Clapgramble,

I was hoping that the clip of yours might have come from the album you made with John Mayer as a tribute to J. J. Cale. I recall a track which, I believe, was released as a single and even found its way into the lower reaches of the chart. However, I have forgotten which track it was; can you help?

Yours wholeheartedly,

Don Twaite.

 

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Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Rokdables fare? We won... in a fashion [You mean you lost. - Ed.] Yes. 64 pees back from a £2.20 stake. Not too good. What happened? Read on.

 

Carlisle vs Stevenage - Away win

Result - Carlisle 2 Stevenage 2

Ooh! So close!

Terence Vancooten's 96th-minute leveller saw Stevenage bravely battle back from two goals down to salvage a 2-2 draw with Carlisle.

Striker Daniel Butterworth's fine brace put Carlisle on course for a much-needed win, but Alex MacDonald's 82nd-minute penalty - having been fouled by Dylan McGeouch - and Vancooten's injury-time equaliser stunned the hosts at Brunton Park.

Butterworth scored in either half as the Cumbrians, who had lost 12 of their previous 13 league games, looked favourites for only their sixth win all season.

He gave Carlisle a welcome start when he fired them into a 13th-minute lead with a sweet strike.

A triple substitution at the break spiced things up - and it nearly paid dividends as Nathan Thompson's goalbound volley was charged down just in the nick of time.

Butterworth bagged his second goal of the afternoon shortly after the hour mark, his clinical left-footed strike seemingly having secured the Blues the win.

However, in an incredible twist, MacDonald's penalty and Vancooten's close-range effort turned this gripping contest on its head.

 

Northampton vs Derby - Away win

Result - Northampton 1 Derby 0

Booooo!

The Cobblers' win came thanks to Sam Hoskins' first-half strike.

Derby dominated possession early on and they should have taken a 20th-minute lead but Martyn Waghorn side-footed the ball over with the goal at his mercy.

Northampton struck against the run of play midway through the first half when Louis Appere chased down a long ball and showed brilliant vision to pick out Hoskins, who volleyed first time into the bottom corner.

The visitors responded well but they could not find a leveller before half-time despite Ebou Adams twice going close, first denied by Sam Sherring's goal-line clearance and then heading over when well placed.

Nathaniel Mendez-Laing almost converted Kane Wilson's cross after the restart before Manny Monthe hit the post at the other end.

Derby applied plenty of late pressure but could find no way through Northampton's resilient rearguard and their misery was compounded by a straight red card for Sonny Bradley in stoppage time.

 

Grimsby vs Wrexham - Away win

Result - Grimsby 1 Wrexham 3

Yay!

Andy Cannon scored twice to help Wrexham to a 3-1 victory at Grimsby Town.

Wrexham's work was done during a first half in which Cannon's brace and Paul Mullin's volley put them firmly in control.

Grimsby pulled a goal back nine minutes from time, Arthur Gnahoua scoring.

Cannon's opening goal came five minutes into the game, an effort from 20 yards which gave keeper Harvey Cartwright no chance.

The midfielder unleashed an unstoppable drive to double his side's lead after good work from Mullin and the returning Tom O'Connor.

Mullin's volley from close range completed an emphatic and ruthless first-half display from the visitors.

Gnahoua scored a consolation late on for Grimsby, who finished strongly, but Wrexham held on for a valuable three points.

 

Harrogate vs Bradford - Away win

Result - Harrogate 3 Bradford 0

Blimey!

Harrogate Town eased to victory over Yorkshire rivals Bradford City in front of a record home league crowd.

Josh March set the hosts on their way when he headed in Warren Burrell's cross.

George Thomson then doubled Town's lead from the penalty spot in the 73rd minute after Brad Halliday was penalised for handball.

A Daniel Oyegoke own goal sealed victory, the defender turning Jack Muldoon's shot into his own net.

 

Cove vs Hamilton - Away win

Result - Cove 1 Hamilton 3

Yay!

No report available... Scottish League One doesn’t seem to matter.

 

Okeydokey, let’s see what The Grambler has come up with this week...

Game - Result - Odds

Aston Villa vs Brentford - Home win - 4/6

Luton vs Bournemouth - Away win - 10/11

Coventry vs Leeds - Away win - 19/20

Middlesbrough vs Swansea - Home win - 5/6

Sutton vs Stockport - Away win - 4/5

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£10.80

A bit more whopping than some weeks.

 

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Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in The Hague in 1995. I play as centre-back or left-back and began my senior career at Chelsea. During my time with them I was loaned out to three clubs: Reading, Watford and Bournemouth. I was transferred to Bournemouth for a fee of £20 million. I was transferred to my current club, Manchester City, for a fee of £41 million. I have been capped for my country 42 times (and counting)

Answer - Nathan Aké (Now on 44 caps)

2. Who took over from Harry Maguire as Manchester United’s captain?

Answer - Bruno Fernandes

3. I’ve asked in the past which has the lowest capity ground (AFC Bournemouth - 11,307), but which Premier League team’s ground has the second lowest capacity?

Answer - Luton Town

4. Which English League One side has drawn the most matches this season?

Answer - Charlton Athletic (17)

5. Which club plays its home games at the Toughsheet Community Stadium?

Answer - Bolton Wanderers

Shall we have five for this week? I think we shall.

1. Who am I?

I was born in 2003 in Copenhagen. A forward, I began my senior career with Copenhagen, before moves to Sturm Graz and Atalanta. I joined my present club, Manchester United in 2023 for a fee of over £64 million. I have been capped for Denmark 12 times.

2. Who is Nottingham Forest’s first team captain?

3. Which team has won the most league games in the Scottish Premiership this season?

4. Which player from Iceland has made the most English Premier League appearances?

5. Which club plays its home games at Meadow Lane?

There you have it. Have fun trying to work that lot out. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

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Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK

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Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).  Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...

£75,979

 

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And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. R. Bremner for this week’s finishing item. Rory Bremner is a talented comedian, satirist and impressionist. He had a minor hit single many moons ago which was a parody of Paul Hardcastle’s 19. Rory Bremner's version featured him taking a swipe at various cricket commentators and the England cricket team of the day. So, here, for your entertainment, is (the now very dated) N-N-Nineteen Not Out.  You need to know your cricket commentators to make head or tail of that.

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Post 502 - An ultra casual gramble

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…

 

Story Time

This is a football blog. [Really? You could have fooled me. - Ed.] Okay, so I don't always talk football, but this week, I am going to.

Do you remember football casuals? It was a name given to any group of smartly dressed young, male, footy fans whose sole purpose in life seemed to be to use supporting a football team as an excuse for having battles with those fans of the opposition who were similarly attired.

The term was not used until the 1980s when violence perpetrated by these gangs of individuals was causing mayhem at all the major league teams' grounds.

While such support has never really gone away, there seems to be a new phenomenon among young footy fans.

Rather than wearing the latest trainers/hoodie/designer tee shirt, they are now all dressed in black garb.  And, instead of being called casuals, they are dubbed 'ultras'... as in ultra violent, perhaps.

I have noticed this even in the quiet backwater stadium known as Fir Park, the home of the Mighty 'Well.  There they stand, in the noisy section of the crowd baiting the opposition fans. Every one of them not sporting the club colours but dressed head to toe in black. Okay, so far, so menacing, but there is a but. It is this: the opposing supporters who are similarly baiting the Motherwell fans are also dressed in black. [And your point is, caller? - Ed.] My point is this... No, I'll come back to that.

Wearing black gear is, in its way, given the intent of these fans (Short for fanatics and these guys are fanatical; just more about injuring someone than supporting a team.), quite a sensible thing to do. Why? Because, if there is trouble and police make arrests it will not be possible to ascertain which team they 'support'. Both factions are dressed the same. Smart, eh?

No, not smart and this is where the 'but' comes in. If they dress in this manner to fool the police, are they not also going to be fooling themselves? Sorry pardon excuse me what? Yes, think about it, if the police can't differentiate between who supports which team, can these fanatics intent on causing trouble differentiate who supports which team? In the heat of battle, might they not just start lashing out at anyone, friend or foe? Hmm? Discuss.

I also don't wear team colours. That's not because I am there to cause trouble; it's because Motherwell don't yet make a range of thick, insulated coats or padded, thermal trousers in the team colours. They're missing a trick there; maybe, they should start... Dear Mr/Mrs bloke in charge of Motherwell.

 

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Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 23rd of March? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Josef Locke 1917 - Singer. I wonder if I can find a clip... Ah, here’s his most famous piece, Hear My Song.

Jimmy Edwards 1920 - Comedian.

 

Jimmy Edwards not looking at all glum (An old Take It From Here reference there for any octogenarians who read this.)

Donald Campbell 1921 - Speed demon.

Geoffrey Chater 1921 - Jobbing actor. Algernon Wyse in Mapp & Lucia. 164 credits on IMDb. He died in 2021 aged 100.

Roddy McMillan 1923 - Actor and playwright. Para Handy in The Vital Spark.

Alan Browning 1926 - Actor. Alan Howard in Coronation Street where his character married Elsie Tanner, played by Pat Phoenix. They also married in real life.

Alf Morris 1928 - Politician.

Geoffrey Smith 1928 - TV gardener.

Roger Bannister 1929 - Physician, neurologist and athlete. Famously, ran the first sub-four minute mile.

Bettine Le Beau 1932 - Model, actress, broadcaster, cabaret artiste, lecturer, portrait painter, sculptor and graphologist... in fact, a right old smarty boots.

Barry Cryer 1935 - Comedian and scriptwriter.

Bertie Auld 1938 - Fitba guy.

Alan Blaikley 1940 - Songwriter. He wrote a few big hits. This one from Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich reached number one. Here’s The Legend of Xanadu. There you are, an early (and quite dreadful) promotional video.

Michael Nyman 1944 - Composer of ‘minimalist’ music. Here is an example, Time Lapse.

Tony McPhee 1944 - Musician and Groundhog. Would you like a clip? Of course you would. Here’s a clip from The Old Grey Whistle Test back in 1976, Old Grey Whistle Test TV prog, Groundhogs, 1976 - YouTube

Linal Haft 1945 - Jobbing actor. Monty Fish in Shine On Harvey Moon.

Alan Bleasdale 1946 - Screenwriter. The Black Stuff and its follow-up, Boys from the Black Stuff were creations of his.

Phil Lanzon 1950 - Musician. Keyboardist with Uriah Heep since 1986. A clip? Why not. Here’s Grazed By Heaven.  Let’s RAWWWK!

Bobby Crush 1954 - Ivory tickler. Let’s have a little clip. Here’s Scott Joplin’s The Entertainer.

Andrew Mitchell 1956 - Politician, not a pleb.

Steve Redgrave 1962 - Boat rowy bloke.

Andrew O’Connor 1963 - Actor, comedian, magician, TV presenter and executive producer [He produces executives? He’s a better magician than I thought. - Ed.]

Marti Pellow 1965 - Singer. One-time frontman of Wet Wet Wet. Have a clip clip clip. Here’s the band’s last top ten hit, Weightless.

Damon Albarn 1968 - Musician. A bit of Blur and a Gorilla. Let’s have a clip. Here’s Gorillaz with Baby Queen.

Abigail Cruttenden 1968 - Actress. Anna in Not Going Out.

Michael Atherton 1968 - Crickety bloke.

Richard Cadell 1969 - Entertainer. Currently, Sooty’s right-hand man.

Gail Porter 1971 - TV presenter.

Joe Calzaghe 1972 - Boxy bloke.

Dougie Lampkin 1976 - Motorbike racery bloke.

Chris Hoy 1976 - Pushbike racery bloke.

Joanna Page 1977 - Actress. Stacey West/Shipman in Gavin & Stacey.

Russell Howard 1980 - Comedian.

Jason Kenny 1988 - Another pushbike racery bloke.

Jessica Baglow 1989 - Actress. Rachel Hemingway in Gentleman Jack.

Princess Eugenie of York 1990 - A royal personage. Apparently, she is 11 in line to the throne so, if ten senior royals die suddenly, she would automatically become the police’s number one suspect.

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Gramblon Albarn,

I was disappointed that it was a Gorillaz track that was used as a reminder of your work; I always considered your work with Blur to be of a higher quality. After all, you did have two number one singles with them. One was called Country House... I can’t remember the name of the other. Can you help?

Yours expectantly,

B. Tull-Bumm.

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Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Kordables fare? We won... Yep, for the second week on the trot, The Grambler gave us a profit. How much? The grand sum of £3.96 back from our £2.20 stake. Unfortunately, for you good folk out in Gramblerland, the blog wasn’t published until late on Saturday. Blame a computer operator failure. What happened? [You thought you’d pressed the ‘publish’ button and you hadn’t. - Ed.] No, I meant with the predictions. Read on.

Barnsley vs Cheltenham - Home win

Result - Barnsley 0 Cheltenham 0

Ooh! ’It the woodwork!

Jon Russell thought he had put the hosts ahead after four minutes when he turned home Luca Connell's free-kick, but the assistant referee had raised his flag for offside.

The Tykes countered dangerously in the 31st minute as Adam Phillips slotted through to Sam Cosgrove, but his low effort from the edge of the box was always curling wide.

Cheltenham almost took the lead against the run of play in the 34th minute when Tom Pett curled one towards the bottom right corner from the edge of the box and prompted a smart save from Liam Roberts.

Russell should have broken the deadlock four minutes after the break when he was found at the back post by Cosgrove but dinked his close-range effort over the crossbar.

Barnsley substitute (ex-Motherwell man) Devante Cole had an opportunity to make it 1-0 with eight minutes to play when a smart cross from Phillips gave the forward a free header inside the box, but he nodded wide.

 

Reading vs Cambridge - Home win

Result - Reading 4 Cambridge 0

Yay!

In a scrappy first half, Reading opened up a 2-0 lead thanks to goals from striker Sam Smith and winger Femi Azeez.

Well-struck second-half efforts from Lewis Wing and Kelvin ‘The Commentator’s nightmare’ Ehibhatiomhan secured the comprehensive victory.

United defender Michael Morrison found space and nodded narrowly wide early on from a Liam Bennett cross.

But Royals went ahead when Cambridge's James Gibbons made a hash of an intended clearance from a Harvey Knibbs cross and Smith pounced.

Reading increased their advantage in the second minute of first-half stoppage time when Azeez ran through unchallenged on a quick break and beat keeper Jack Stevens with a fierce near-post shot.

Cambridge could have halved the gap soon after the interval, with home keeper Joel Pereira making a superb double save to deny Elias Kachunga from close range.

Pereira's heroics proved crucial, with Wing effectively making the game safe for Royals when firing over United's substitute keeper Will Mannion in the 62nd minute.

Ehibhatiomhan struck with five minutes left, lashing past Mannion from the edge of the area.

 

Shrewsbury vs Carlisle - Home win

Result - Shrewsbury 1 Carlisle 0

Yay!

Daniel Udoh's first-half goal secured Shrewsbury the win.

After a quiet opening 40 minutes, Shrewsbury broke the deadlock just before the interval through Udoh.

After receiving a ball into the box, he did well to hold off a defender before spinning and firing past Harry Lewis at his near post.

Shrewsbury nearly doubled their lead three minutes later when Carl Winchester struck from inside the box, but Lewis tipped the ball out for a corner.

Carlisle came close to an equaliser through Dan Butterworth just before the hour.

He won the ball high up the pitch before dancing around the Shrewsbury defence and attempting a shot from close range, but goalkeeper Marko Marosi did well to save and clear the danger.

Butterworth went close again soon after from a free-kick on the edge of the box, but his effort whistled past the post.

That was as close as the visitors would come and Udoh almost snatched a second late on with an effort from the edge of the box which flew over the bar.

 

Wycombe vs Northampton - Home win

Result - Wycombe 2 Northampton 0

Yay!

Matt Butcher bagged a brace as Wycombe won with a 2-0 victory over Northampton.

Home goalkeeper Franco Ravizzoli was the first to be tested as he kept out Tony Springett's effort low to his left.

Louie Moulden denied Freddie Potts a goal to savour from 25 yards after Gideon Kodua headed the ball into his path.

After the break, Dale Taylor was denied by the visiting keeper.

But the deadlock was broken in the 69th minute as Kieran Sadlier took a quick throw to Butcher, who drove into the box and fired into the far corner.

Down the other end, Ravizzoli kept out Kieron Bowie one-on-one.

Butcher's second was even better as he curled home a fine strike, after being found by Sadlier again, with five minutes to go.

 

Lincoln vs Bristol - Home win

Result - Lincoln 5 Bristol 0

Yay!

Imps captain Paudie O'Connor scored his first goal since August and Joe Taylor made his maiden professional hat-trick.

Anthony Evans missed a penalty on an afternoon to forget for Rovers and Reeco Hackett rounded off the scoring.

The game was effectively over as a contest as the hosts raced 3-0 up inside the first 23 minutes.

Defender O'Connor rose highest to head home Danny Mandroiu's delightful corner and Taylor scored his first when he nodded home Lasse Sorensen's cross in the 19th minute.

He doubled his tally four minutes later as he coolly slotted home Lincoln's third.

Down the other end Lukas Jensen, who earlier denied Chris Martin at 1-0, produced a good save to keep out Jevani Brown with his legs.

Taylor made it 20 for the season with a dink before Evans fired his penalty wide of the mark.

Ethan Erhahon saw red for a second booking but Hackett added gloss late on.

 

So close and yet... not close enough. Come on Grambler, we’ve not had a full house of wins for months. What has he/she/it randomly selected for this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Carlisle vs Stevenage - Away win - 3/4

Northampton vs Derby - Away win - 8/13

Grimsby vs Wrexham - Away win - 17/20

Harrogate vs Bradford - Away win - 19/20

Cove vs Hamilton - Away win - 3/4

Uh oh, The Grambler’s done that all away wins thing again. It usually ends in tears. Anyway, the bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£9.90

As whoppingness goes, that is poor. [Yes, you won’t win £9.90 instead of not winning over ten quid. Ha! - Ed.]

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Bradford in 1991. A right-back, I began my senior career at Newcastle in 2009. Though I spent five years at the club, I played only eight games for them and was loaned out to six other clubs during that time. I then signed with Wigan playing only 13 games in my time there. Again, I was loaned out to another club. In 2015, I moved northwards to join my current club. I was appointed captain in 2018 and have now played over 300 games for them.

Answer - James Tavernier

2. Who was the first non-English manager to win the English Football League Cup?

Answer - Willie Reid. A Scot, he coached cup winners Norwich in 1962.

3. Which English Championship side has drawn the most games in the current season?

Answer - Huddersfield Town (currently 15 out of 38 played)

4. Who is Fulham’s current club captain?

Answer - Tom Cairney

5. Which club plays its home games at Ainslie Park?

Answer - Spartans

How about five more to test your knowledge of the beautiful game? Yes? Right, here goes...

1. Who am I?

I was born in The Hague in 1995. I play as centre-back or left-back and began my senior career at Chelsea. During my time with them I was loaned out to three clubs: Reading, Watford and Bournemouth. I was transferred to Bournemouth for a fee of £20 million and I was transferred to my current club, Manchester City, for a fee of £41 million. I have been capped for my country 42 times (and counting)

2. Who took over from Harry Maguire as Manchester United’s captain?

3. I’ve asked in the past which has the lowest capacity ground (AFC Bournemouth - 11,307), but which Premier League team’s ground has the second lowest capacity?

4. Which English League One side has drawn the most matches this season?

5. Which club plays its home games at the Toughsheet Community Stadium?

There you have it. Have fun trying to work that lot out. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...

£75,648

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. B. Cryer a famous writer and teller of jokes whose birthday fell on this date. I thought you might appreciate some of Barry's favourite funnies...

'Quick' – the noise made by a dyslexic duck.

I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?

I met my wife and Ronnie Corbett on the same day. I tossed a coin… and married her.

Picasso was burgled and did a drawing of the robbers.  Police arrested a horse and two sardines.

Analysing comedy is like dissecting a frog. Nobody laughs and the frog dies.

A woman sees a parrot for sale at only £5.

“Well, I must confess, it was brought up in a brothel,” says the shopkeeper. “And, to put it politely, it has quite an extensive vocabulary.”

“Never mind,” says the woman. “At that price, I’ll take it.”

So she takes the parrot home, puts its cage in the living room and takes the cover off.

“New place – very nice,” says the parrot.

Then the woman’s two daughters walk in.

“New place, new girls – very nice,” says the parrot.

Then the woman’s husband walks in, and the parrot says, “Oh hello, Keith!”

Hashtag, party game where you chase each other for drugs.

You know about the guy who shot a golden eagle. He was in court in front of a magistrate.

The magistrate said: “This is a dreadful thing”.

He said: “I never intended to. I was shooting pheasants and it flew into my line of fire.”

The magistrate said, “Okay. Out of interest, what did you do with it?”

He said: “I ate it.”

The magistrate said: “Good god, what did it taste like?”

He replied: “Rather like swan.”

There's an old man walking along the street at two in the morning.

He's stumbling a bit and holding a glass. So the police stop him and ask him where he's going.

“To a lecture.”

“At two in the morning?” asks the policeman. “What's the lecture on?”

“Smoking and drinking,” the old man says.

“Who's giving it?”

“My wife.”

“A man has just bought his wife a silver wedding present.

A friend in the pub asks him what it is.

“It's a really beautiful table,” says the man. “I hope she likes it – even if she doesn't play snooker.”

A man owns a parrot that can't stop swearing.

So he says to him, “If you don't stop swearing, I'll put you in the fridge.”

The parrot keeps on swearing. So he puts it in the fridge.

Five minutes later, he takes the parrot out of the fridge, and says to it, “Are you going to stop swearing?”

“Yes,” says the parrot. “But what did that chicken do?”

A young vicar is giving his first sermon and nervously consults an older priest for advice.

“Well,” the older priest says. “First, be yourself. Second, you know that glass of water I sip from during my sermons? Well, it's not water. It's gin. Get yourself a tumbler of straight gin to calm your nerves while you're talking.”

So the young vicar does his sermon, quaffing from this huge tumbler the whole time he's speaking. Afterwards, he asks the older priest what he thought.

“You had a natural authority and you held the congregation's attention,” said the older priest. “Just three things.

“Don’t tear up your notes and throw them at the congregation when you've finished.

“Walk down the stairs from the pulpit; don't slide down the banister.

“David slew Goliath. He didn't “knock seven bells out of him”.

“Oh, and his sling was full of shot.”

Donald Trump was in Japan.

Someone mentioned Pearl Harbour. He denied ever meeting her...

I hate people who talk about themselves.

I met a woman at a party last week who couldn't stop talking about herself.

“My hair's on fire! My hair's on fire!” she kept on saying.

And finally, something a bit more surreal...

A man walks into a pub and the landlord's astonished. Half of the man's head is half of a huge orange.

“So sorry to be nosy,” the landlord says, “but why is half of your head half of a huge orange?”

“Well, I was cleaning up the loft,” the man says. “And I found an old lamp. I polished it up, and a genie came swooping out of it, saying, “May I grant you any three wishes, master?”

“So I said, “I'd like to have a million pounds – and every time I take the million pounds out of my pocket, another million appears there.”

The genie said, “Your wish is granted. And your second wish?”

The man says, 'I'd like a big house with 100 beautiful ladies in it.'

“Your wish is granted,” says the genie. “And your third wish?”

“I'd like half my head to be half of a huge orange.”

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Post 501 - A non-animated gramble

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…

 

Story Time...

Whatever happened to the live action remakes of old cartoons? They seem to have disappeared of late. There was a time when they were the staple product of the Hollywood studios. Who can forget Casper, The Flintstones, Scooby Doo, Popeye, Inspector Gadget, George of the Jungle, et al? I know I can.

It was a particularly popular way to make a film without putting too much thought into it back in the 1990s. Strangely, it's a genre that has, apparently, disappeared, unless you count all these nonsensical super hero type films that proliferate these days. They are based more on comics (or graphic novels as anyone who reads such childish matter would call them).

Perhaps Peter Rabbit and Paddington fall into that category as well, except they weren't graphic novels; they actually featured some words.

When did this lifting of cartoons and making live action films begin and why am I wittering on about them?

I'll answer the second part, later but the first part? I would suggest that the first was the 1932 film based on the Little Orphan Annie newspaper strip cartoon; itself beginning in the New York Times on 1924. It even spawned a musical which was made into a film back in 1982.

After that, it seemed that superheroes were what young cinemagoers wanted. Who can forget the Saturday morning kids' cinema superstar, Flash Gordon character which kept children glued to their seats (although that might have been chewing gum) long after their release dates of 1936 to 1940? Gordon, he of the flashness, first appeared in comic form in 1934. The character also got a revival when a film was made in 1980. You probably know the two most famous words in that film spoken, or should that be shouted, by Brian Blessed, 'GORDON'S ALIVE!'

Of the most popular superhero characters you would have expected Batman or Superman to be next to feature on film, but they didn't appear until 1943 and 1948 respectively. And they have been made ever since. No the next biggie on live action film was none other than Captain Marvel in 1941, a character that was only revived as recently as 2019.

Of course, all of the characters thus far mentioned provided pure escapist fun and it has been cited that the reason for their success was down to the USA's need for that escapism back then. It was, after all, a period when the world first went through what was known as the Great Depression followed swiftly by the worst war the world had yet seen. Who could blame them for wanting a bit of out and out nonsense to entertain them?

Back to the world of syndicated comic strips, the next of the comedy type was one called Li'l Abner ( I'm not sure why there is an apostrophe placed where it is) which was released in 1940. A musical version was released in 1959. I'm guessing it was a rather popular character, but probably only in the USA because Abner was a simple-minded, gullible country bumpkin from the deep syuth (trans: south). The comic strip ran from 1934 right through to 1977.

Any road up, why am I telling you all of this? Well, there is another comic-strip-based film series that is due for a reboot, in my opinion. After all, many of the characters already mentioned have been made into films in the more modern era. So why not Blondie? Who, I hear you ask. Blondie, the 1930 comic strip character after whom the 1970s beat combo fronted by Debbie Harry took its name. It is a cartoon series which is still running 94 years on and formed the basis of 28 films produced from 1938 to 1950. It is undeniably popular so why has no film mogul thought to produce any new movie in 74 years?

Maybe now is the time. I was watching a footy match between Manchester City and Liverpool. [Hang on; that's a bit of a leap from film to football. - Ed.] It is indeed, but bear with me on this. It struck me when I watched a certain Belgian player leaving the field that, should he ever wish to pursue a career in show business, he would make a prefect candidate to play Blondie's husband, Dagwood Bumstead. See if you agree...

 

Kevin De Bruyne

 

Dagwood Bumstead

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 9th of March? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Ernest Bevin 1884 - Politician.

Vita Sackville-West 1892 - Writer and gardener(?)

Eric Woodburn 1894 - Actor. Dr. Snoddie in Doctor Findlay’s Casebook.

Colin Thackeray 1930 - Entertainer. At 89, he was the oldest winner of Britain’s Got Talent.

Brian Redman 1937 - Racing car drivey bloke.

John Howard Davies 1939 - Child actor and later TV director and producer. Oliver Twist in Oliver Twist (1948).

John Cale 1942 - Musician. Have a clip. Here’s Night Crawling.

Robin Trower 1945 - Musician. Have a clip. Here’s Bridge of Sighs.

Alexandra Bastedo 1946 - Actress. Sharon Macready in The Champions.

Jim Cregan 1946 - Musician. He features on this,  Make Me Smile (Come Up and See Me). Jim’s the one in the bunnet.

Chris Thompson 1948 - Musician. He took care of lead vocals on this, Blinded by the Light.

Neil Hamilton 1949 - Politician.

Bill Beaumont 1952 - Rugby bloke.

Martin Fry 1958 - Musician. Have another clip. Here he fronts ABC on Be Near Me.

Robert Buchanan 1961 - Actor. Ronnie in That Sinking Feeling.

Gary Holt 1973 - Fitba guy.

Katherine Parkinson 1978 - Actress. Jen Barber in The IT Crowd.

Stacey Dooley 1987 - TV presenter.

Now then, what about the 16th of March?

Clive Morton 1904 - Jobbing actor. Commander Rogue in Rogue’s Rock.

Henny Youngman 1906 - Comedian.

Campbell Singer 1909 - Actor. Henry Burroughs in The Newcomers. 142 credits on IMDb.

Norman Wooland 1910 - Actor. Simon Maxie in Cover Her Face.

Eric McKellar-Watt 1920 - Sausage maker.

John Addison 1920 - Composer. He wrote this rousing film score for Reach For The Sky.

Victor Maddern 1928 - Jobbing actor. One of those faces that cropped up a lot in 60s and 70s TV shows and films. He appeared as Ernie in 39 episodes of The Dick Emery Show. 185 credits on IMDb.

 

Victor Maddern - He of the ‘lived-in’ face.

John Leeson 1943 - Actor. You may not know his face but, if you were a fan of Doctor Who, you would recognise his voice as that of K9.

Peter Cleall 1944 - Actor. Eric Duffy in Please Sir! and its spin-off series The Fenn Street Gang.

Graham Cole 1952 - Actor. P.C. Stamp in The Bill.

Cliff Lazarenko 1952 - Darty bloke.

Jimmy Nail 1954 - Actor, singer. Oz Osbourne in Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. He also had a couple of hits. Here’s one he had with Mark Knopfler, Big River.

Trevor Harrison 1957 - Actor. Eddie Grundy in The Archers.

Matthew Bannister 1957 - Broadcaster.

Denise Black 1958 - Actress. Hazel Tyler in Queer as Folk.

Jennie Eclair 1960 - Comedienne.

Jerome Flynn 1963 - Actor and sometime singer. Bronn in Game of Thrones. Here’s a toon he recorded with Robson Green, White Cliffs of Dover.

Mark Carney 1965 - Money man.

Andy ‘The Hammer’ Hamilton 1967 - Another darty bloke.

Andy Dunlop 1972 - Musician. Guitarist with Travis. A clip? Indeed. Here’s the band’s biggest hit, Sing.

Theo Walcott 1989 - Footy bloke.

Ivan Toney 1996 - Footy bloke.

Dominic Calvert-Lewin 1997 - Footy bloke.

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Gramblin Fry,

We did enjoy your band ABC and it was so nice to hear a track by them. Perhaps you could help us by telling us what your first top 20 hit was.

Yours alphabetically,

T. S. Arnott, E. Nuff.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Bordalkes fare? We won... We really did... Really... Nae kidding. How much, I hear you asking. The grand sum of £3.12 back from our £2.20 stake. Woo hoo! What happened? Read on.

Huddersfield vs Leeds - Away win

Result - Huddersfield 1 Leeds 1

Ooh! ’It the bar!

Patrick Bamford salvaged a point for Leeds United in a feisty West Yorkshire derby against 10-man Huddersfield Town.

Bamford slid in the equaliser midway through the second half as persistent Leeds pressure finally broke stubborn Town resistance.

Leeds’ Crysencio Summerville hit the post in the closing stages.

The Terriers scored in first-half injury time when Michal Helik knocked the ball home on the rebound from close range. However, a deserved red card for captain Jonathan Hogg for a second yellow card left Town playing the entire second period a man down - and they were unable to hold firm.

 

Birmingham vs Southampton - Away win

Result - Birmingham 3 Southampton 4

Wow!

Southampton had to twice come from behind before beating 10-man Birmingham City with a winner six minutes into added time.

Birmingham led through Koji Miyoshi before Adam Armstrong cancelled it out, only for Jay Stansfield to restore the hosts' lead.

Inside the space of seven second-half minutes, David Brooks, architect of the visitors' first goal, then scored the second equaliser. Che Adams put Southampton in front for the first time - and home defender Dion Sanderson was sent off for a challenge on Will Smallbone.

But, although Juninho Bacuna levelled on 77 minutes after Stansfield had hit the post, Saints had the final word when, from a headed Taylor Harwood-Bellis knockdown from a 96th-minute corner, Joe Aribo found the bottom left corner from close range.

 

Plymouth vs Ipswich - Away win

Result - Plymouth 0 Ipswich 2

Yay!

Mickel Miller's volley for Argyle that was blocked on the line was the best effort of the first period.

But Ipswich upped the intensity after the break as Kieffer Moore twice went close before Conor Chaplin fashioned the opener as his deflected shot wrong-footed Argyle keeper Conor Hazard.

Moore sealed the points as he lashed in after a corner was flicked on, before Miller hit the post for the hosts.

 

Shrewsbury vs Blackpool - Away win

Result - Shrewsbury 0 Blackpool 2

Yay!

Goals from Karamoko Dembele and Hayden Coulson secured Blackpool a 2-0 victory at Shrewsbury.

Shrewsbury went close when Tom Bloxham sent a first-time cross into the box, but Dan Udoh's diving header was kept out by Dan Grimshaw.

Blackpool were then awarded a free-kick in the 40th minute, from which George Byers' header looped over the Shrewsbury backline but found the hands of keeper Harry Burgoyne.

Three minutes later, the Tangerines opened the scoring when Coulson received a pass in the box and cut the ball across goal for Dembele, who fired past Burgoyne at the back post.

Shrewsbury went close just before the hour mark when Udoh sent a low cross into Jordan Shipley, who fired over from just inside the box.

But Blackpool doubled their advantage in the 84th minute when Dembele's cross found the unmarked Coulson, who headed home.

 

Colchester vs Stockport - Away win

Result - Match postponed

Boo!

Not a bad week, I suppose. Three out of four isn’t so bad. What has The Grambler randomly selected this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Barnsley vs Cheltenham - Home win - 4/5

Reading vs Cambridge - Home win - 4/5

Shrewsbury vs Carlisle - Home win - Evens

Wycombe vs Northampton - Home win - 3/4

Lincoln vs Bristol - Home win - 8/11

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£10.50

A little bit more whopping than last time.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Aachen, Germany in 1999. An attacking midfielder, I began my senior career at Bayer Leverkusen before moving to Chelsea for a fee of around £62 million. I moved to my current club, Arsenal, for £65 million. I have been capped for Germany 42 times.

Answer - Kai Havertz

2. Which Brazilian has scored four goals in a Premier League match?

Answer - Gabriel Jesus

3. Which Premier League side has drawn the most games so far this season?

Answer - Brighton & Hove Albion

4. Which Mexican player has made the most Premier League appearances?

Answer - Chicharito (158)

5. Which Scottish football stadium can accommodate the most spectators?

Answer - Celtic Park

They were easy, weren’t they? Shall we have five more for this week? Why not...

1. Who am I?

I was born in Bradford in 1991. A right-back, I began my senior career at Newcastle in 2009. Though I spent five years at the club, I played only eight games for them and was loaned out to six other clubs during that time. I then signed with Wigan playing only 13 games in my time there. Again, I was loaned out to another club. In 2015, I moved northwards to join my current club. I was appointed captain in 2018 and have now played over 300 games for them.

2. Who was the first non-English manager to win the English Football League Cup?

3. Which English Championship side has drawn the most games in the current season?

4. Who is Fulham’s current club captain?

5. Which club plays its home games at Ainslie Park?

There you have it. Have fun trying to work that lot out. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).

Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...

£75,498

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Ms. J. Eclair who celebrates her birthday and provides us with a few thoughts to end this week’s edition...

I am very short-sighted, and if I don't like a situation I take my glasses off.

I might be needy, competitive and desperate but it's far better than being wet.

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.

My older sister is bossy, my brother is a stirrer and me - well, I am perfect!

I'm the least spiritual person in the world. I can't even abide a smelly candle. I know it's meant to make me relax, and that immediately makes my hackles rise.

I'm a schizophrenic mix of wannabe glamourpuss and absolute slob, and my style is very much magistrate-meets-barmaid.

There should be more booing in shops and restaurants and places like that when the service is bad. If you've had a poor breakfast in a hotel, you should put your knife and fork down and boo.

After graduating from flares and platforms in the early 1970s, I started drama school wearing a pair of khaki dungarees with one of my Dad's Army shirts, accessorised by a cat's basket doubling as a handbag. Very Lady Gaga.

I think my siblings sometimes have to defend me within their social circles - they are both barristers.

I am best viewed from a distance... and at night.

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.