Stewart was an amazing
person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an
adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed
by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in
vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund
which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel
cancer. If you wish to donate to the
fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3
.
If you haven’t already
done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn
from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family,
even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what
you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997
He began writing The Grambler
when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a
lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish
was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to
oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the
most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…
As Private Eye’s headline put it when a child going by the name of George
was born 20 months ago – ‘Woman has baby’.
Well, she’s had another one. This
one is called Charlotte. Another
benefits scrounger who won’t ever do a day’s work! And no doubt the commemorative tat producers
will have a field day…
Thanks to B3ta.com for this very
stylish commemorative mug.
…..oooOooo…..
Quite an apt start there, because this week’s topic is very much
kiddie-orientated and concerns my own grandkids or, rather, the TV they
watch. It is lovely having
grandkids. It is, really. The joke goes that you can always hand them
back when you have had enough of them. I
am discovering all sorts of televisual delights thanks to children’s TV
programmes. I have already told you
about the utterly baffling programme called In the Night Garden (See http://www.thegrambler.com/2014/07/week-46-we-are-gramblers-my-friends.html). There are others – The Adventures of Abney
and Teal (also slightly bonkers), Tree Fu Tom (even more bonkers) and the
completely mad Grandpa in my Pocket. I
would love to have been at the meeting when this idea was put to Beeb Beeb Ceeb
bigwigs…
‘Right, the main characters are a little boy and his grandpa.’
‘Yes, go on…’
‘Well, grandpa has a magic cap’
‘A magic…what?’
‘Cap. As in flat cap.’
‘Cap. I see. Go on…’
‘Whenever he puts his cap on, he shrinks to 3 inches in height.’
‘I’m sorry?’
‘He shrinks to 3 inches in height.’
‘What in heaven’s name for?’
‘Well, it means his grandson can put him in his pocket.’
‘Why on earth would he want to do that?’
‘Well, he can then help his grandson should the boy need him to.’
‘A 3 inch high pensioner?’
‘Yes.’
‘Can help his grandson?’
‘Yes.’
‘I don’t think in all my years as a commissioning editor I have ever heard
such a ridiculous concept for a TV programme…other than Deal or No Deal, of
course.’
‘So you’re not interested?’
‘Absolutely not.’
‘What if I told you James Bolam wanted to play the Grandpa?’
‘The James Bolam? Star of classics such as The Likely Lads and
When the Boat Comes In?’
‘Yes.’
‘Marvellous idea. Well done.’
Sometimes, when you are looking for children’s programmes on line, your
search can throw up some gems. One such
is a brilliant cgi animation from Russia called Masha and the Bear. It is another weird premise for a programme –
A retired circus bear, who lives in a house in the woods, is friends with a
little girl (Masha) who is aged about three.
The little girl’s character is just brilliant; she is basically
hyperactive and causes mayhem wherever she goes. Such is her reputation that every creature
she meets tries to run for cover. I
watched it with my grandchildren and although we couldn’t understand a word of
it (it was in Russian obviously), we all thought it absolutely terrific. Everything about the programme is typical
Russian, though; the bear makes tea in a traditional Russian urn or,
occasionally, Masha will dress in traditional costume.
Obviously, such a clever animation draws the attention of the rest of the
world. Sadly, some US company has got
hold of it and has dubbed it into English.
Why do I say ‘sadly’? Because our
hyperactive heroine has been turned from the cheeky but lovable scamp into
something totally different. Now, she is
a bit of a smartass who uses expressions like ‘cool’ (pronounced coowull). Far from being lovable, translated Masha is
just annoying. Why couldn’t the makers
have translated the programmes into English but kept the ‘Russian-ness’ of the
characters. You know, like the voices
given to the Compare the market meerkats.
Frankly, Masha in English doesn’t work and I find the translated version
unwatchable.
While looking for nursery rhymes for my youngest grand daughter, I found a
cgi version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
She loves it. She is only one. I cringe when I hear it. Why?
Firstly, I am annoyed that the small child singing the song seems to
have sinus trouble so instead of ‘twinkle’ sings ‘dwinkle’. So why is she the one chosen to sing for this
animation? You would think someone who
could sing the words with clarity would have got the gig. Secondly, I want to scream every time she
pronounces a certain word of the song…
Dwinkle, dwinkle, liddle (no, not that) star,
How I wonder whut (not that either) you are,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamind (that’s it!) in the sky.
Diamind!!! Jeezo. Diamond. It’s diamond!
O not I!
Let’s move on. Not too far
though. Often these animations have an
advertisement in a band across the foot of the screen. You would think that these would be chosen to
suit the film in which they feature.
Yes? Makes sense. Doesn’t seem to matter though. There have been cars, banks and films
advertised which mean nothing to the children watching. Presumably, the ads are focusing on the
parents watching with a child.
Let’s return to that Twinkle Twinkle film; a film aimed at one to two year
olds. There is an advertisement along
the foot of the screen while it plays.
Apt? You decide. It reads as follows…
‘Are you considering divorce or separation?’
…..oooOooo…..
Any birthdays of note this week? Yes
indeedy. John Brown 1800 (He of the
mouldering body), Adam Opel 1837 (Inventor of chewy fruit sweets), Barbara
Woodhouse 1910 (Walkies!!!), Arthur English 1919 (Arfur Anfony… You have to be
quite old to understand that.), Richard Adams 1920 (Bunny fan), Pancho Gonzales
1928 (Tennisy bloke), Joan Sims 1930 (Lady Ruff-Diamond… That is lost on anyone
who hasn’t seen Carry On Up The Khyber), Geraldine McEwan 1932 (The crème de la
crème), Alan Bennett 1934 (Owl in Meg and Mog), Albert Finney 1936
(Bad-tempered old git), Glenda Jackson 1936 (Margaret Thatcher’s greatest
fan. Enjoy this tirade), Terry Downes 1936 (Boxy bloke), Ion Tiriac 1939 (Tennisy bloke), Candice
Bergen 1946 (Charlie McCarthy’s sister), Billy Joel 1949 (Once married a
clothes horse), Matthew Kelly 1950 (Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be…), Dave
Gahan 1962 (Fast fashion bloke) and Paul Heaton 1962 (A housemartin).
You would think there would be some good toons to gramblerise from Billy
Joel, Dave Gahan and Paul Heaton wouldn’t you?
Indeed there are and it’s Billy who wins this week’s coveted
gramblerised toon contest with Tell Her
About it…
Gramble about it
Gramble how you feel right now
Gramble about it
The girl don't want to wait too long
You got to gramble about it
Gramble now and you won't go wrong
You got to gramble about it
Before it gets too late
You got to gramble about it
You know the girl don't want
To wait--you got to
Gramble about it
Gramble how you feel right now
Gramble about it
The girl don't want to wait too long
You got to gramble about it
Gramble now and you won't go wrong
You got to gramble about it
Before it gets too late
You got to gramble about it
You know the girl don't want
To wait--you got to
Gramble about it
…..oooOooo…..
Let’s move onto grambling
matters, shall we? How did we get on
last week? We won, but not enough to get
our stake money back. Never mind. So what happened?
Aston Villa vs Everton
– Prediction Away win
Result – Aston Villa 3
Everton 2
Boo!
Christian Benteke headed in from Fabian Delph's cross
before scoring a second following Jack Grealish's corner.
Romelu Lukaku pulled a goal back for Everton but Tom
Cleverley rifled in Villa's third after Leandro Bacuna's fine pass.
Phil Jagielka set up a tense finish when he headed in
from close range.
Result – Liverpool
2 QPR 1
Yay!
Philippe Coutinho put the Reds ahead with a great
strike before Leroy Fer volleyed in the equaliser.
Steven Gerrard headed past Rob Green in the 87th
minute having missed a penalty with the score at 1-1.
Result – Sunderland
2 Southampton
1
Boo!
Jordi Gomez put the Black Cats ahead with his first
spot-kick after Jose Fonte caught Billy Jones with a high boot.
Sadio Mane levelled just 73 seconds later, slotting home
when Sunderland keeper Costel Pantilimon collided with
two defenders and dropped a cross.
But Gomez secured a vital victory, firing home after James
Ward-Prowse was sent off for fouling Jermain Defoe.
Morton vs Peterhead – Prediction
Home win
Result – Morton 3
Peterhead 1
Yay!
Greenock Morton
won Scottish League One and promotion to the Championship after defeating
Peterhead.
Morton started the day top, level on points with Forfar
Athletic but with a superior goal difference.
However, the Greenock side fell behind to Gary McDonald's effort before Peterhead's
Scott Ross was sent off.
Michael Miller, Mark Russell and Declan McManus netted for
Morton and they took the title by two points after Ayr beat Forfar and Stranraer finished second.
Arbroath vs Berwick – Prediction
Home win
Result – Arbroath 5
Berwick 0
Yay!
All the goals came in the second half - Robert Linn stroked
home the opening goal and then set up Simon Murray for the second before the
hour mark.
Ho hum. Shall we try
again this week? Why not. We are now approaching the end of the season
with only a few games being played in the English and Scottish senior
leagues. How many? Nine.
Only nine games are taking place at 3pm this Saturday the 9th of
May. Oh well, which five has The
Grambler selected for us?
Game – Result – Odds
St Johnstone vs Dundee
Utd – Prediction Home win – 11/8
Well, the votes are in… Sorry getting mixed up there…
General election here in UK
£17.74
It is basically our last week of footie predictions for this season; next week
we can look forward to having a gramble on… what’s it called? That racing thing. Them animals.
Little blokes sitting on their backs.
Horse racing! That. Yes.
Next week we will have to resort to that. Sorry.
…..oooOooo…..
Okay. Teaser time.
Last week I gave you a Celtic vs Rangers question. I asked you which of them has finished
outside the top five in the Scottish top division the fewest times? The answer, even with the last couple of
seasons’ hiatus, is Rangers. Prior to
the crazy situation when the club went belly up, Rangers had only been outside
of the top five once, whereas Celtic have missed out on a top five place nine
times.
For this week’s
teaser, let’s head to the English Premiershit.
Since its inception, which player has scored the most hat-tricks? A few down the pub might know the answer to
that one. Answer next week.
…..oooOooo…..
For the last few
weeks I have finished with a mention of the main reason for continuing to
publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. I’m going to do it yet again, If you have any
bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for
bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just
point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign .
…..oooOooo…..
And finally,
Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted
to the ladies known as Fascinating Aida who give us a little song relating to
discount airfares. It has absolutely
nothing to do with this week’s topic, but I happen to find it amusing. Take it away ladies .
Happy grambling.
No comments:
Post a Comment