Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.
Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).
If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997
Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…
Story Time
Last time, I explained that one of the reasons for there being fewer posts of late was that Mrs G and I had been doing a bit of travelling. One of our jaunts was to Edinburgh.
We always try to get to Edinburgh at this time of year because we both enjoy the wonderful experience of going to The Fringe. For any readers who haven’t got a clue what I’m on about, The Fringe is a festival of the arts which takes place in the Scottish capital every year at the end of July and runs for about four weeks. It has been running since 1947. The earliest Fringe had about eight shows. This year’s Fringe? Over 4,000.
Every type of entertainment is covered, although comedy would seem to be the main type on offer.
A lot of comedians come to Edinburgh to perform at The Fringe and if they walk off with the best comedy award (formerly known as the Perrier Award) they could easily end up with their own TV show.
Winners over the years have included Jeremy Hardy, Sean Hughes, Frank Skinner, Steve Coogan, Lee Evans, Jenny Eclair, Dylan Moran, The League of Gentlemen, Al Murray, Rich Hall, David O’Doherty, Tim Key, Russell Kane, Bridget Christie, Rose Matafeo and Sam Campbell. Some big names in there.
It is the place to be for young up-and-coming comedians and there is a few down-and-going comedians still performing there. This year Arthur Smith, Bobby Davro and Mark Thomas were performing.
Sadly, Mrs G and I didn’t see many comedy acts, deciding to stick to musical shows. Our reasons for doing this were down to practicalities. Most comedians perform in evening shows. We used to stay for a few nights but, unfortunately, the cost of accommodation at Fringe time has gone through the roof so we do daily visits now. We tend to be leaving the city before the comedy shows begin. A shame because we have seen some great comedians over the years - the already mentioned Shaun Hughes, Mark Watson, Dave Gorman, Lucy Porter, Andrew Maxwell, Alex Horne to name but a few.
Blame it on the students. Sorry pardon excuse me? Only indirectly, though. You see, student accommodation used to be leased to students only at term time. This meant that all those flats and halls of residence were available to Fringe goers in August. A change in the law has meant that students have a lease for the full year. Result? Fewer properties available to rent at Fringe time. It also means that people who do have property to let can basically charge what they like.
Any road up, one of our favourite pastimes at Fringe time is ‘spot the celebrity’. There are so many famous faces about, it is virtually guaranteed. In the past we have spotted such celebs as Nicholas Parsons, Ed Byrne and I recall Marcus Brigstock with his small son asking me where the nearest toilet was.
This year was a big disappointment. Maybe it was down to us not being around so much, but we just didn’t see anyone of note.
As I said earlier, we went to a lot of music shows and several of these were tribute acts put on by a group of musicians going by the collective name of Night Owl Shows. Eighteen singers and musicians performed in groups of whatever number was required for a particular act - six for Fleetwood Mac, Four for The Police [Five and three, surely. - Ed.] - you get the picture, and don’t call me shir... Each day throughout The Fringe they would perform twelve shows. We only managed four - Kate Bush, Carole King and James Taylor, Fleetwood Mac and Police/Sting. I don’t normally plug anything in this, the world’s greatest ill-informed blog, but I have to say that every one of these shows was utterly brilliant.
The last show we went to was the Police one. We had front row seats. Perfect. Then, somebody sat down beside me who I was sure I recognised. He was very drunk and very chatty. He told me that he loved The Police and had once met Sting. He added that some people reckon he looks like Sting. I said that I thought he looked more like Bobby Dav... Well, would you Adam and Eve it?
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Birthday honours...
Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 24th of August? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.
Alexander II 1198 - The well-known Scottish king.
William Wilberforce 1759 - Politician who led the campaign to end the slave trade.
Max Beerbohm 1872 - Artist and writer.
Frances MacDonald 1873 - Another artist.
Graham Sutherland 1903 - Yet another artist.
Dingle Foot 1905 - Politician. Michael’s brother. [Dingle? Who calls their son Dingle? - Ed.]
Peter Bessell 1921 - Politician who only became famous by giving evidence (A tissue of lies, apparently.) in the Jeremy Thorpe trial.
Jimmy Gardner 1924 - Jobbing actor. One of those faces which seemed to crop up in just about every drama series, usually in small roles but noticable because of his crazy hairstyle... look him up. Mr Beaver in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe (1967 TV adaptation).
Alyn Ainsworth 1924 - Musician and conductor.
Kenny Baker 1934 - Actor. R2D2 in the Star Wars films.
Antonia Duffy aka A.S. Byatt 1936 - Orfer.
Ken Hensley 1945 - Musician. Best known for his work with Uriah Heep... the band, that is. Have a clip. Here’s Lady in Black.
Linton Kwesi Johnson 1952 - Dub poet.
Sam Torrance 1953 - Golfy guy.
Stephen Fry 1957 - Actor, broadcaster, comedian, presenter, director, narrator and writer. In fact, a right old national treasure.
Mark Bedford 1961 - Nutty boy musician. Bass player in Madness. I think a clip is in order. What about this? I’ll bet you didn’t expect that. Well, they were big in Japan. Let’s have another. Here’s a song written by Suggs and Bedders, One Better Day.
Jared Harris 1961 - Actor. Lane Pryce in Mad Men.
Gordon Warnecke 1962 - Omar in My Beautiful Laundrette.
Michael Thomas 1967 - Footy bloke.
Dave Brown 1973 - Comedian. You may (not) remember him as Bollo the ape in The Mighty Boosh.
Rupert Grint 1988 - Actor. Charlie in Snatch.
John Fleck 1991 - Fitba guy.
Aqib Khan 1994 - Actor. Adnan Masood in Ladhood.
Lewis Ferguson 1999 - Fitba guy.
I’ve received a letter...
Dear Mark Grambleford,
We did enjoy hearing your song, One Better Day. We were wondering if you had any top ten hits which could possibly lend themselves to providing a silly name for someone writing a letter to you.
Yours in silliness,
.....oooOooo.....
Gramble time...
How did our last bet with Korlbeads fare? We won... ish. We got £2.16 back from our £2.20, so not a disaster. What happened? Read on...
Bristol City vs Millwall - Home win
Result - Bristol City 4 Millwall 3
Blimey! That was a close one.
Scott Twine came off the bench to hit a dramatic late winner as Bristol City beat Millwall in a see-saw seven-goal thriller at Ashton Gate.
The Robins had earlier appeared to be cruising thanks to two goals in the opening 12 minutes from Anis Mehmeti and Sinclair Armstrong.
Romain Esse's goal soon after the interval sparked a sensational turnaround as the Lions scored three times in 13 minutes.
Tom Bradshaw's penalty brought Millwall level before Duncan Watmore volleyed a sumptuous third to turn the match on its head.
However, the hosts were not done as Fally Mayulu steered Max Bird's cross into the bottom corner to equalise, before Twine won it two minutes from time.
Armstrong was at the forefront of the hosts' quickfire start when he surged down the right to provide the cross for Mehmeti’s third-minute opener.
Armstrong then opened his own Robins account nine minutes later, smartly stealing in between two Millwall defenders to bury a header from Bird’s inviting in-swinging centre.
Ryan Leonard hit the post for the visitors before the break but a superb goal from Esse, jinking in between two defenders before finding the bottom corner, gave them a lifeline.
George Tanner's handball allowed Bradshaw to level from the spot and when Watmore showed fantastic technique to volley home a loose ball in the box, the turnaround seemed complete.
However, there were two more twists in the tale as, first, Bird provided his second assist of the game, a low cross swept home by Mayulu.
Then Twine sent the home support into raptures by guiding home Joe Williams' cross with a cushioned volley.
Norwich vs Blackburn - Home win
Result - Norwich 2 Blackburn 2
Ooooh! ’It the bar!
Yuki Ohashi's late goal denied Norwich a win at Carrow Road as Blackburn came away with a point from a 2-2 draw.
The Lancashire club were the better team in the first half as Ryan Hedges put them ahead.
Norwich striker Josh Sargent had missed three good chances, and hit the bar, but in the second half he fired in an equaliser and then set up Borja Sainz for a goal which seemed set to give the Canaries the win.
Blackburn had been outplayed in the second half but Ohashi dived ahead of his marker to head an equaliser in the 87th minute.
They were also less than convincing in defence, evident when Sargent robbed Sondre Tronstad and fired narrowly wide and then crashed a header against the underside of the bar.
The reply was instant from Blackburn as striker Makhtar Gueye freed Hedges on the left and he advanced into the area before delicately lifting his shot over Angus Gunn to give the Riversiders the lead.
Gabriel Forsyth forced Blackburn's Aynsley Pears into a flying save and the visiting keeper then denied Sargent after the striker again burst into the area.
Pears' error almost gifted Norwich an equaliser as Sainz cut out his pass and fed Sargent, but Tronstad hurled his body in the way of the shot for a remarkable block.
The Canaries moved up a gear after the break and when the excellent Callum Doyle won the ball in the Blackburn half, his pass was perfect for Sargent to race clear and thump a rising shot between Pears and his near post.
Norwich pressed for the winner and appeared to have it after 73 minutes when Sargent again ran the channel, latching on to a Marcelino Nunez pass and squaring to give Sainz a tap-in at the far post.
Rovers made sure of a point with three minutes of normal time left, when Callum Brittain found space on the right and swung in a cross to find Ohashi darting in and heading in.
Sheffield Utd vs QPR - Home win
Result - Sheffield Utd 2 QPR 2
Oooooh! Another one ’itting the bar!
Substitute Lyndon Dykes scored a late equaliser for 10-man QPR as they fought back from 2-0 down to draw at Sheffield United.
The Blades took an early lead from a crisp, low strike from Gustavo Hamer and doubled their advantage soon afterwards when Kieffer Moore tapped in at the back post.
Jimmy Dunne headed in an inswinging corner from Karamoko Dembele to give QPR hope after the break.
The away side's hopes of a leveller were dented when substitute Jack Colback was sent off for dissent with seven minutes to go.
But Dykes, brought on after Colback's dismissal, swept home from 18 yards.
The first goal came from winning the ball back up high, with Callum O'Hare teeing up Hamer, and the same pair linked up for the second on 13 minutes as O'Hare drove forward from his own half before playing Hamer in out wide and his low cross was converted by Moore.
QPR stayed in the game until half-time and Dunne's header put them back in the contest with 35 minutes to play.
Midfielder Colback looked like he had cost his side any hope of a draw when he was shown two yellow cards for dissent in four minutes.
However, Koki Saito streaked clear down the right and, despite losing his footing, played the ball back for fellow substitute Dykes to equalise with two minutes to go.
Swansea City vs Preston NE - Home win
Result - Swansea City 3 Preston NE 0
Yay!
A vibrant attacking display helped Swansea City outplay Preston North End in a comprehensive victory.
Swansea made a flying start and, after missing a handful of chances, took a well-earned first-half lead thanks to Matt Grimes’ emphatic penalty.
Preston improved after the interval and came close to equalising when Ryan Ledson’s shot was deflected narrowly over, while the visitors also felt they should have had a penalty when Harry Darling appeared to handle the ball.
However, the Swans then doubled their advantage as substitute Azeem Abdulai diverted Ollie Cooper’s goal-bound effort into the net, before new Zan Vipotnik came off the bench to score with a close-range finish from Ronald’s cross.
The tone was set during a first half where Swansea flew out of the blocks.
Wingers Ronald and Eom Ji-sung played starring roles, both full of tricks and running at their opponents at every opportunity.
They helped the home side create several early chances, Goncalo Franco firing over with an audacious bicycle kick and Josh Tymon having a low shot held by keeper Freddie Woodman.
As dominant as Swansea were, Preston posed a threat on the break and should have led when Robbie Brady dispossessed Josh Key but shot straight at Lawrence Vigouroux.
Swansea eventually got the goal their performance warranted as Eom’s cross hit the hand of Liam Lindsay and, after consulting with his assistant, referee Stephen Martin awarded the Swans a penalty.
Captain Grimes scored with a powerful left-footed strike.
Swansea continued in the same vein after the break, with Ronald cutting inside from the left and curling a shot narrowly wide, before Eom did the same with a mirror-image effort from the right.
Ledson looked sure to equalise for Preston but his shot hit Key and flew just over the bar, and the visitors were incensed not to get a penalty when Darling slid in and appeared to block Stefan Thordarson’s low cross with his hand.
But after that short spell of Preston pressure, Swansea regained control and proved to be worthy winners.
Abdulai may not have known much about his deflection from Cooper’s shot to score the Swans’ second, but Vipotnik’s late third was a deliberate touch to give Ronald an assist that was the very least his dynamic display deserved.
Huddersfield vs Stevenage - Home win
Result - Huddersfield 2 Stevenage 1
Yay!
Josh Koroma opened the scoring midway through the first half before a second-half strike from Ben Wiles put them in control and Harvey White’s stoppage-time penalty was merely a consolation.
The hosts dominated the first half and Koroma gave them a deserved lead with a diving header after 26 minutes after Lasse Sorensen picked out his run to the near post.
The away side looked much better after switching from a 3-4-3 to a 4-4-2 at half time. Elliott List should have equalised three minutes after the restart after a neat exchange with substitute Louis Appere, but contrived to swipe a simple finish wide of the post with Lee Nicholls beaten.
The Terriers doubled the lead against the run of play soon after and Sorensen was the provider again, his cutback finding an unmarked Wiles to finish confidently.
Stevenage were awarded a penalty in injury time for holding inside the box, and substitute White stepped up to blast home – but it was too late for them to go on and rescue a draw.
Okay, that was last week, but what has The Grambler got up his/her/its sleeve for this week?
Game - Result - Odds
Crystal Palace vs West Ham - Home win - Evens
Fulham vs Leicester City - Home win - 5/6
Watford vs Derby County - Home win - 10/11
Wigan vs Crawley - Home win - 10/11
Colchester vs Harrogate - Home win - 5/6
The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping
£12.10
Exactly four pees less whopping than last week.
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Teaser time...
Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.
1. Who am I?
I was born in Durham in 2006. A central midfielder, I began my senior career at Leeds United in 2022 having progressed through that club’s academy from an early age. I signed for my present club Tottenham Hotspur in 2024. I have represented England in all age groups ranging from U15 to U21 despite my father, grandfather and great uncle all representing Scotland at senior level.
Answer - Archie Gray
2. Which is the only English Premier League club to have signed no new players over the summer break? (I’ll add: at time of writing.)
Answer - Liverpool
3. Which two clubs have played just one season in the English Premier League?
Answer - Swindon Town and Barnsley
4. Which Spaniard has made the most Premier League appearances?
Answer - David de Gea (415)
5. Which club plays home games at Hayes Lane Stadium?
Answer - Newcomers to the league, Bromley
How did you get on? [As the bus driver said to the snake. Boom boom? No? - Ed.] No. Here are five more for this week.
1. Who am I?
I was born in Rotterdam in 2001. A winger, I began my senior career in 2018 at Feyenoord but before playing a game for them I was loaned out to other clubs. In 2020, I signed for Leeds before, this season, joining my present club, West Ham for a fee in excess of £25 million. I have represented Netherlands at U16, U17, U18, U19 and U21 levels.
2. Which manager has won five Champions League Trophies?
3. Who currently wears the number one shirt for Celtic?
4. Which team plays home games at Prenton Park?
5. How many nations took part in the inaugural (1930) FIFA World Cup?
There you have it. Have fun trying to work that lot out. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.
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Remember the serious message...
As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK
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Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s). Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...
£79,374
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And Finally...
And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. S. Fry... who else could it possibly be on this day when he celebrates his birthday. Stephen Fry is clever. He just is. He is knowledgable about so many things. His one failing is that he does like to tell you about them. Only joking. I think the man is a genius and so, this week, let’s end with a few of his thoughts... and this is an edited list believe it or not.
“People who can change and change again are so much more reliable and happier than those who can’t.”
“The only reason people do not know much is because they do not care to know. They are incurious. Incuriousity is the oddest and most foolish failing there is.”
“Nothing in this world is at it seems. Except, possibly, porridge.”
“It is the useless things that make life worth living and that make life dangerous too: wine, love, art, beauty. Without them life is safe, but not worth bothering with.”
When asked by Gay Byrne what he would like to ask God...
“How dare you? How dare you create a world in which there is such misery that is not our fault? It's not right, it's utterly, utterly evil. Why should I respect a capricious, mean-minded, stupid god who creates a world that is so full of injustice and pain?”
"I have Van Gogh's ear for music"
“I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.”
"The email of the species is deadlier than the mail."
"In a dung heap, even a plastic bead can gleam like a sapphire."
"A real education takes place, not in the lecture hall or library, but in the rooms of friends, with earnest frolic and happy disputation."
"I am a lover of truth, a worshipper of freedom, a celebrant at the altar of language and purity and tolerance."
"What's magical about [bears] is that they just spend one-hundred percent of every minute of every hour of every day being a bear. And a tree-frog spends all of its time being a tree-frog. We spend all our time trying to be somebody else."
"The English language is an arsenal of weapons. If you are going to brandish them without checking to see whether or not they are loaded, you must expect to have them explode in your face from time to time."
"I'm afraid I don't believe there is such a thing as blasphemy, just outrage from those insecure in their own faith."
"Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators."
"Better sexy and racy Than sexist and racist"
"Wine can be a better teacher than ink, and banter is often better than books"
"Incuriosity is the oddest and most foolish failing there is."
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will always hurt me."
"You can't just say there is a god because the world is beautiful. You have to account for bone cancer in children"
"Taste every fruit of every tree in the garden at least once. It is an insult to creation not to experience it fully. Temperance is wickedness."
"It only takes a room of Americans for the English and Australians to realise how much we have in common."
"Old Professors never die, they just lose their faculties."
"Stop wanting wealth and fame and start wanting instead to do something well about which you are passionate"
"It's extremely unlucky to be superstitious, for no other reason than it is always unlucky to be colossally stupid."
"It is a cliche that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue."
"Compromise is a stalling between two fools."
"I think faith in each other is much harder than faith in God..."
"Those who rule the world get so little opportunity to run about and laugh and play in it."
"I almost once wanted to publish a self help book saying, 'How To Be Happy, by Stephen Fry: Guaranteed Success'. And people buy this huge book and it's all blank pages, and the first page would just say, 'Stop feeling sorry for yourself - and you will be happy.'"
"The church has no power over our lives any more, which is something of a blessing for those who do not enjoy red-hot pokers or iron thumb-screws."
"If there were a God he would want us to be better spirited than to take his word for everything."
"Wit can be beautiful, because it expresses and distills an idea."
"No adolescent ever wants to be understood, which is why they complain about being misunderstood all the time."
"The people I know who swear the most tend to have the widest vocabularies."
"There's nothing worse than the British in one of their fits of morality."
"One of the most unattractive human traits, and so easy to fall into, is resentment at the sudden shared popularity of a previously private pleasure. Which of us hasn't been annoyed when a band, writer, artist or television series that had been a minority interest of ours has suddenly achieved mainstream popularity? When it was at a cult level we moaned at the philistinism of a world that didn't appreciate it, and now that they do appreciate it we're all resentful and dog-in-the-manger about it."
"A cut glass English accent can fool unsuspecting Americans into detecting a brilliance that isn't there"
"I'm fat because I'm greedy, and if my mind is fat it's because I'm curious."
"Wisdom is probably the ability to cope. That's why someone who has to walk seven miles every day to get water for their children can be wiser than someone sitting behind a desk in Wall Street."
“My first words, as I was being born [...] I looked up at my mother and said, 'that's the last time I'm going up one of those.”
“How can one not be fond of something that the Daily Mail despises?”
“The sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education or a lack of verbal interest is just a f***ing lunatic.”
“There is simply no limit to the tyrannical snobbery that otherwise decent people can descend into when it comes to music.”
“Progress isn't achieved by preachers or guardians of morality, but by madmen, hermits, heretics, dreamers, rebels and sceptics”
“I believe one of the greatest human failings is to prefer to be right than to be effective”
“Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.”
“Wanting to be liked is often a very unlikeable characteristic.”
“Could do better’ is a meaningless conclusion. ‘Could be happier’ is the only one that counts.”
And finally...
“If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people in the world?”
That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.
Happy grambling.
