Post 515 - Return of the gramblerplan

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…

 

Story Time

A week or two back, the government announced that it was going to offer obese people a drug that would help them lose weight. The thinking is that, by losing weight, those lazy bas... people who might otherwise be sat on their backsides all day will suddenly feel great about themselves and immediately go out and seek employment. Aye, right, sure.

Will it work? Time will tell.

The only way to lose weight is to be in the right frame of mind to do it and also to follow the, though I say it myself, best diet regime known to man: the gramblerplan diet. You know it makes sense.

Yes, the good old gramblerplan diet. The diet that really works, you may recall. Yes, it is the simplest of all diets with the simplest way of losing weight.

How so, I hear sceptics mutter. You simply eat less and exercise more.

Mrs G was inadvertently on the gramblerplan diet throughout the period of the pandemic. Remember that? I say inadvertently, because she actually hadn't adjusted her intake of food. What she had done was exercise more. She took up walking. Yes, I know that isn't anything special. Many people are capable of walking. However, she was taking walks of up to seven miles at a time.

There you are. Proof that the diet works, even if you only do half of it.
Is it possible to diet without taking exercise, I hear you lazy so and sos ask. Well it is, but it isn't really very suitable if you have any family, friends or any kind of social life that might involve food.

This doesn't make sense, I hear you say. [I'd see somebody about all these voices you're hearing. - Ed.] It doesn't, until you take into account the special secret ingredient... timing. Let me explain. Years ago, a doctor said to me that you should breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and supper like a pauper.

Behind the rather flowery language was a simple message: consume the most food as your first meal so that, as the day progresses, you will burn up the calories. When it is lunchtime, eat less and for your evening meal consume even less. All very sensible.

As I said, I was given this nugget of information many years ago, but, very recently, there was an article in a national newspaper which postulated (That's a good word. Wonder what it means. Post? Ulay? That's hand cream, isn't it? Ted? Edward? Mail hand cream to Edward? That can't be right.) that dieticians had come up with a revolutionary new diet technique. You should eat half your allowable calories for breakfast, two thirds of the remaining calories for lunch with the rest being reserved for your evening meal. Revolutionary? Don't think so, mate. King, prince, pauper doc had it sussed years ago.

Why, you may ask, is this idea not very good if you have friends, family or a social life? Think about it. If you wanted to go out for a meal, when would you go to get a decent menu? The evening. If you wanted a decent sized meal for breakfast, what is the choice offered by most eating places? (I nearly said restaurants, but such establishments tend to not open their doors until later in the day.) A fry up, that's what. The most unhealthy and unsuitable food for anyone, not just those on a diet. Anything else on offer tends to be smallish dishes such as beans on toast or cereals.

Maybe, I've spotted a gap in the market. Hmm... I could start a restaurant that opens early in the day so that people who wish to eat healthily at the correct time can have a decent choice.

Brilliant idea... Dear Mr or Mrs Dragon's Den.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 26th of October? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Hugh Scanlon 1913 - Trade union leader.

Shaw Taylor 1924 - TV presenter.

 

Keep ‘em peeled... That's eyes, not oranges.

Charlie Landsborough 1941 - Musician. Shall we have a clip? Yes, why not.  Here's What Colour is The Wind.

Bob Hoskins 1942 - Actor. Dobbs in Thick as Thieves.

Philip Sayer 1946 - Actor. Ramsey in Floodtide.

Keith Hopwood 1946 - Musician. A Hermit. I feel another clip is in order. Here’s Silhouettes.

Maurice Gran 1949 - Writer. With Laurence Marks, he wrote such gems as Holding the Fort, Shine On Harvey Moon, The New Statesman and Birds of a Feather.

Andrew Motion 1952 - Poet.

Arthur Graham 1952 - Fitba guy.

Roger Allam 1953 - Actor. Fred Thursday in Endeavour.

Hugh Dallas 1957 - Fitba ref.

Julie Dawn Cole 1957 - Actress. Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory.

Brian Bovell 1959 - Actor. Leo Valentine in Hollyoaks.

Julius O’Riordan aka Judge Jules 1966 - DJ. Would you like a clip? [No. - Ed.] Well, you’re getting one. Here’s Turn On The Lights.

Audley Harrison 1971 - Boxery bloke.

Austin Healey 1973 - Rugby bloke whose parents had a sense of humour.

Stephanie Waring 1978 - Actress. Cindy Cunningham/Savage/Hutchinson in Hollyoaks and Hollyoaks Later.

James Fowler 1980 - Fitba guy.

Nicola Adams 1982 - Boxery bloke.

Matthew Hudson-Smith 1994 - Athleticky bloke.

Ruby O’Donnell 2000 - Actress. Peri Lomax in Hollyoaks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Keith Gramblewood,

It was so nice to the song Silhouettes from your little band Herman the Hermit. I understand you were very popular ‘Down Under’. Did you ever have a number one record in New Zealand, for example?

Your sentimental friend,

Amos Tua-Void.

P.S. Who is that lady at the end?

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Borldakes fare? It didn’t, because we didn’t have a bet last week. Do you remember? It was late being published. Do you not recall? You must have forgotten. Yes. Look, here’s your carer with a cup of tea.

So, what has The Grambler come up with, this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Aston Villa vs Bournemouth - Home win - 17/20

Brentford vs Ipswich - Home win - 7/10

Brighton vs Wolves - Home win - 4/7

Bristol City vs Leeds - Away win - 17/20

Sheffield Utd. vs Stoke - Home win - 4/5

 

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£9.42

Sorry, that is definitely not whopping.

.....oooOooo.....

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in 1934 in Edinburgh. I played as a left half/sweeper and played over 600 games in a senior career lasting almost 20 years. I began at Hearts before moving to Tottenham Hotspur where I was known as ‘the heartbeat’ of the double winning team of 1961. When I was 33, I was transferred to Derby County, helping them win promotion to the First Division. I ended my playing career as player/manager at Swindon Town. I moved on to manage, among others, Nottingham Forest, Derby County, Walsall, Doncaster Rovers and Birmingham City. I was also capped for Scotland 22 times.

Answer - Dave Mackay

2. Which Chilean has scored the most goals in the Premier League?

Answer - Alexis Sánchez (63)

3. Who is the current captain of Aston Villa?

Answer - John McGinn

4. Who is the current Brighton & Hove Albion manager?

Answer - Fabian Hürzeler

5. Which team plays its home games at the Brick Community Stadium?

Answer - Wigan Athletic

Shall we have a few for this week? Indeed we shall.

1. Who am I ?

I was born in Terrassa, Spain in 1998. An attacking midfielder, I began my senior career Dinamo Zagreb before moving to RB Leipzig. In August 2024, I returned to my youth career club, Barcelona, for a transfer fee of €60 million. I have been capped for Spain 40 times.

2. Which current Premier League player has scored the most goals?

3. ...But what about those players who make the ‘assist’? Here’s the question: which current Premier League player is credited with the most assists?

4. Who is the current captain of Everton?

5. Which club plays its home games at Gayfield Park?

There you have it. Have fun trying to work that lot out. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).  Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...

£79,374

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to Messrs. M. Gran and L. Marks, scriptwriters supreme. For this week’s finishing item I give you a full episode of, in my opinion, their finest comedic work, The New Statesman. My high opinion of the show may, of course, also be due to the brilliant performance of Rik Mayall. So, ladeez and genellum, please enjoy the very first episode, Happiness is a Warm Gun.

 

 

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Post 514 - A grambling clubcard

 

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…

 

Story Time

What has caught my ire this week? Club cards, that's what. And I don't mean the annoying geysers down the tennis/bowls/golf club who think they are amusing. No I'm talking supermarkets and specifically those that have a club card scheme.

The way these operate is basically to charge those that have signed up to the scheme a reasonable price for the goods on sale but an extortionate price for those poor misguided individuals who haven't realised that they are being ripped off by not joining in.

The supermarkets that use the club card method of extracting cash from innocent shoppers try to sweeten the pill by suggesting that the higher price being quoted on the price ticket is the standard and that the lower price being charged to card holders is a special reduced price. Bollocks, says I.  The lower price is the one that any other supermarket would charge. Foul, I cry. [Please stop crying. Nothing worse than a grown man in tears. - Ed.] The higher price is sometimes over 50% more than the so-called club card price. That is just a complete rip-off, I reckon. I would even suggest that it is just ever so slightly illegal.

A bigger problem is that having a club card doesn't actually mean having a club card. Sorry pardon excuse me?

To explain, club card holders actually use an app on their smart phone. [Yes. And your point is? - Ed.] My point is that when you are waiting to pay for your goods, there is always some tw*t at the front of the queue holding everyone up because he can't find the app on his phone.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a confession to make, I am that tw*t.

In my defence, I find that most supermarkets are not suited to mobile phone use. Generally, it is impossible to get a signal in the store so how the fu... how am I meant to get into my club card app?

Why don't you open the app before entering the shop, I hear you ask. A good point. A fair point. I would do that... if only I remembered about the damn thing before I reached the check out and then it's too late.

I have come up with my own simple solution to solve the problem and it is this: there is a certain other supermarket that also has a card scheme but there is none of this two prices lark... Mind you, I’m not sure what benefits having the card will get you. No matter. Until that store starts the same underhand trick with its pricing, that is the shop I will be using. Which store is that, I hear you ask. I couldn’t possibly tell you; that would be advertising. But you know what they say... every lidl helps.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 28th of September? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Thomas Crapper 1836 - Plumber. Inventor of the floating ballcock. An early example of nominative determinism. [Oooh! Hark at her with the big words! Nomi... what? - Ed.] It means somebody whose profession is suggested by their name. Crapper? He worked with toilets. Nominative determinism. Geddit?

Peter Finch 1916 - Actor. Howard Beale in Network.

Ida Schuster 1918 - Jobbing actress. Seemed to work on most Scottish-produced dramas in the 60s and 70s, often playing several characters over a series. She played three different characters over six episodes of Doctor Finlay’s Casebook.

Jeremy Isaacs 1932 - TV executive.

Renny Lister 1932 - Actress. Doreen Bowler in Bowler. Mrs Kenneth Cope.

Janet Munro 1934 - Actress. Roberta in Swiss Family Robinson.

Heather Sears 1935 - Actress. Helen Lambert in Informer.

Ronald Lacey 1935 - Actor. The Bishop of Bath and Wells in Blackadder II. 172 credits on IMDb.

Peter Brookes 1943 - Cartoonist.

Helen Shapiro 1946 - Singer. Let’s have a clip. Here’s Tell Me What He Said.

Peter Egan 1946 - Actor. Magnus Pym in A Perfect Spy.

Jon Snow 1947 - Journalist and TV presenter.

Brian Keenan 1950 - Writer who spent four and a half years as a hostage in Beirut.

Jim Diamond 1950 - Singer. Another clip? Why not.  Here he is with Remember I Love You.

Andy Ward 1952 - Musician. One-time drummer with a favourite band of mine, Camel. A clip? Darn tooting. Here’s One of These Days I'll get an Early Night.

Roland Rivron 1958 - Comedian, writer and TV personality.

Gillian McKeith 1959 - TV personality and writer. Not a doctor.

Peter Hooton 1962 - Vocalist with The Farm. Would you like another clip? Of course you would. Here’s Groovy Train.

Paul Jewell 1964 - Footy bloke.

Gilles Peterson 1964 - Broadcaster, DJ and record label owner.

Andrew Agnew 1974 - Actor and singer. PC Plum in Balamory.

John Finnemore 1977 - Comedian.

Steven McGarry 1979 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell, you know.

Hmm... Not many there. What about the 5th of October?

Robin Bailey 1919 - Actor. Uncle Mort in I Didn’t Know You Cared.

Robert Kee 1919 - Journalist and TV presenter.

Donald Pleasance 1919 - Actor. Blofeld in You Only Live Twice. 245 credits on IMDb. Take that, Lacey!

Ronald Leigh-Hunt 1920 - Actor. King Arthur in The Adventures of Sir Lancelot. A piddling 154 credits on IMDb.

John ‘Jock’ Stein 1922 - Fitba guy.

Glynis Johns 1923 - Actress. Mrs Banks in Mary Poppins.

Malcolm Lockyer 1923 - Film music composer and conductor. Here’s one of his, Ten Little Indians.

Barbara Kelly 1924 - TV and radio personality often appearing on shows alongside husband Bernard Braden.

Fred Feast 1929 - Actor. Fred Gee in Coronation Street.

Stephanie Cole 1941 - Actress. Mrs Delphine Featherstone in Open All Hours and Still Open All Hours.

Michael Morpurgo 1943 - Writer. War Horse, that was one of his.

Mike Sutton 1944 - Footy bloke.

Brian Connolly 1945 - Singer. Frontman of The Sweet. A clip? But of course. Here’s a song that failed to chart in the UK but reached number 4 in Oz, Peppermint Twist.

Brian Jacks 1946 - Judo bloke.

Brian Johnson 1947 - Singer. Famous as AC/DC’s frontman, but he had a successful career long before that as Geordie’s singer. Have a clip. Here’s Don't Do That.

Peter Ackroyd 1949 - Novelist, biographer and critic.

‘Fast’ Eddie Clarke 1950 - Musician. He was the drummer with Motörhead. Have another clip, but not that one. Here’s The One to Sing The Blues.

Lee Brilleaux 1952 - Musician and singer. Frontman of Dr. Feelgood. I feel another clip coming on. Here’s She's a Windup.

Phil Cornwell 1957 - Actor, comedian, impressionist and writer. He also provides the voice of Murdoc Niccals, the bassist with Gorillaz.

Haydn Gwynne 1957 - Actress. Alex Pates in Drop the Dead Donkey.

Lee Thompson 1957 - Musician. Saxophonist with Madness. Shall we have another clip? You betya. Here is Nutty Theme.

Pato Banton 1961 - Reggae singer. Let’s have another clip. Here’s Bubbling Hot.

Caron Keating 1962 - TV presenter.

Nick Robinson 1963 - Journalist and broadcaster.

Laura Davies 1963 - Golfy bloke.

Kate Winslett 1975 - Actress. Rose DeWitt Bukater in Titanic.

Parminder Nagra 1975 - Actress. Neela Rasgotra in ER.

Greig Denham 1976 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell, you know.

Kele Le Roc 1977 - Singer. Time for another clip. Here’s Little Bit of Lovin'.

Nicola Roberts 1985 - A Girl Aloud. What? Another clip? You are so demanding. Here’s a solo effort from Nic, Beat of My Drum.

Now then, anyone from the 12th of October? Of course there are...

Edward VI 1537 - The well-known king.

Ramsay MacDonald 1866 - The well-known Prime Minister.

Ralph Vaughan Williams 1872 - Composer. Many of his works were arrangements of old tunes, but here is one he definitely did compose, The Wasps (Overture).

Aleister Crowley 1875 - Occultist, ceremonial magician, poet, philosopher, political theorist, novelist and... wait for it... mountaineer. In fact, a right old chuffing balmpot.

Ralph Butler 1886 - Songwriter. He was the lyricist for this old favourite, The Sun Has Got His Hat On. Those lyrics are certainly not acceptable nowadays.

Kenneth Griffith 1920 - Actor. Isaac in The Perils of Pendragon.

Magnus Magnusson 1929 - TV presenter.

Don Howe 1935 - Footy bloke.

James Dewar 1942 - Musician. Bassist with Stone the Crows and later bassist and singer with the Robin Trower Band. Another clip? But of course. Here’s Bridge of Sighs.

Angela Rippon 1944 - TV presenter.

Rick Parfitt 1948 - Musician. A bit of Status Quo. Another clip coming up. Here’s an early one, Black Veils of Melancholy.

Robin Askwith 1950 - Actor. Timothy Lee in four ‘Confessions’ comedy porn films made in the mid 1970s.

David Threlfall 1953 - Actor. Most famous as Frank Gallagher in 139 episodes of Shameless.

Les Dennis 1953 - Impressionist turned actor.

Aggie MacKenzie 1955 - Cleaning lady.

Dave Vanian 1956 - Singer with The Damned. Hey, let’s have another clip. Here’s Smash It Up.

Andrew Schofield 1958 - Actor. Johnny Rotten in Sid and Nancy.

Paul Goddard 1959 - Footy bloke.

Rhona Martin 1966 - Curlingy guy.

Stephen Lee 1974 - Snookery bloke.

Ledley King 1980 - Footy bloke.

Shola Ameobi 1981 - Footy bloke.

Brian Kerr 1981 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell, you know.

Carlton Cole 1983 - Footy bloke.

Katie Piper 1983 - Writer, activist and TV presenter.

Sammy Winward 1985 - Actress. Katie Sugden in Emmerdale.

Liam Polworth 1994 - Fitba guy. Guess what... Ex-Motherwell.

Now, what’s next? Oh yes, the 19th of October.

Alan Keith 1908 - Broadcaster. David Kossoff’s big brother.

Stephen Ward 1912 - Osteopath. Aye, sure. One of the central figures in what became known as the Profumo affair.

Rosamund John 1913 - Ectress. Diana Mitchell in The First of the Few. I can give you a clip. Sorry pardon excuse me? Here are Public Service Broadcasting with Spitfire.  Why, it is like a bird.

Leslie Randall 1924 - Actor. Danny Boon in Billy Liar.

Bernard Hepton 1925 - Actor and theatre director. Toby Esterhase in Smiley’s People.

David Cornwell, better known as John le Carré 1931 - Orfer. Wrote Smiley’s People. Well, would you Adam and Eve it?

Michael Gambon aka The Great Gambon 1940 - Actor and raconteur. Philip Marlow in The Singing Detective.

Desmond Barrit 1944 - Actor. Last seen as Timothy Mottram in It’s a Sin.

Michael Reid 1946 - Songwriter. As well as writing all the lyrics for Procul Harum songs, he co-wrote this rather well-known toon.

Philip Pullman 1946 - Orfer. Wrote His Dark Materials.

George Fenton 1949 - Composer. Here’s something of his you might recall, The Blue Planet.

Ken Stott 1954 - Actor. John Rebus in Rebus. Other actors have played the part since, but Ken Stott was arguably the best.

Sam Allardyce 1954 - Footy bloke. The go-to manager for struggling clubs needing to get out of trouble. In a lengthy career he has managed (deep breath) Limerick, Preston North End, Blackpool, Notts County, Bolton Wanderers, Newcastle United, Blackburn Rovers, West Ham United, Sunderland, Engerland, Crystal Palace, Everton, West Bromwich Albion and Leeds United.

Karl Wallinger 1957 - Musician. Keyboard player with The Waterboys and his later, solo project, World Party. A clip? But, of course. Here’s Ship of Fools. 

Dan ‘Woody’ Woodgate 1960 - Musician. He is the drummer for Madness. Here’s a track he wrote for the band’s latest album, Theatre of the Absurd Presents C’est la Vie, Round We Go.

Albert Kidd 1961 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell you know.

Sinitta 1963 - Singer. Have a clip. Here’s Right Back Where We Started From.

Kacey Ainsworth 1968 - Actress. Cathy Keating in Grantchester.

Caroline Catz 1970 - Actress. Louisa Glasson in Doc Martin.

Ian Ball 1975 - Musician. Most notable for being the frontman for Gomez. Let’s have another clip. Here’s Rhythm & Blues Alibi.

Paul Hartley 1976 - Fitba guy.

Daniel Goodfellow 1996 - Divey bloke.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear (the late) Rick Gramblefitt,

So nice to hear an old song from your little beat combo, Quo Vadis or something. Tell me, did you chaps ever have a record that reached number one in the recordings chart?

Yours melancholily,

Dan Down.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Dorblakes fare? We won. Really. We actually made a profit. Yay! We got £3.34 back from our £2.20. Woo hoo! What happened? Read on...

 

Aston Villa vs Wolves - Home win

Result - Aston Villa 3 Wolves 1

Yay!

Aston Villa scored two late goals as a frantic finish helped them beat rivals Wolves at Villa Park.

Wolves had been the better side in the first half and took the lead in the 25th minute through Matheus Cunha after the winger had intercepted Diego Carlos' sloppy pass.

But the home side woke up in the 73rd minute when striker Ollie Watkins was played in by Morgan Rogers and equalised with a deflected effort.

Defender Ezri Konsa completed Villa's turnaround in the 88th minute, meeting Youri Tielemans' superb cross with a sliding finish.

The home side rounded off their win on the break, as substitute Jhon Duran scored his fourth goal of the season deep into injury time by tapping in a Rogers pass across goal.

 

Southampton vs Ipswich - Home win

Result - Southampton 1 Ipswich 1

Ooh! ’It the woodwork!

In the fifth minute of play, Ipswich's Axel Tuanzebe lost possession inside his penalty area and Southampton kept the ball well, with 36-year-old Adam Lallana setting up 18-year-old Tyler Dibling, and the teenager calmly slotted past Arijanet Muric.

[I say, I say, I say. Do you like Tyler Dibling? I don’t know; I’ve never dibled a tiler. Boom, and indeed, tish. - Ed.] Hmm... Don’t call us, etc..

Cameron Archer almost doubled the Saints' lead, but hit the post.

Archer had another chance when played in by midfielder Flynn Downes, but Muric saved well.

But that miss proved costly as Sam Morsy, in the 95th minute, shot past Aaron Ramsdale from outside the penalty area, with the effort taking a deflection off the unfortunate Joe Aribo.

 

Burnley vs Portsmouth - Home win

Result - Burnley 2 Portsmouth 1

Yay!

Josh Brownhill’s 94th-minute winner after Jeremy Sarmiento’s wonder goal gave Burnley a dramatic Championship victory against Portsmouth.

The Clarets had laboured to break down a well-organised and determined Pompey.

Callum Lang gave Portsmouth a first-half lead after Connor Ogilvie had hit the post.

The arrival of Ecuador winger Sarmiento changed the dynamic and within two minutes he had curled in a lovely leveller, with Brownhill drilling in his third goal of the campaign in the fourth minute of added time.

Bristol City vs Oxford - Home win

Result - Bristol City 2 Oxford 1

Yay!

The U's took the lead through Ruben Rodrigues in the first half and went into the break with the one-goal advantage.

Sinclair Armstrong levelled the scores 12 minutes into the second half and Nahki Wells scored from the penalty spot to wrap up the three points for the Robins.

[That was a short review. - Ed.] That’s because nobody reads this bit; especially after three weeks have passed. [So nobody will have seen my brilliant joke. - Ed.] Nope. Sorry.

 

Luton vs Sheffield Wednesday - Home win

Result - Luton 2 Sheffield Wednesday 1

Yay!

Wednesday barely deserved to be on the losing side after bossing the first half. They began brightly at Kenilworth Road against the Hatters.

Barry Bannan was everywhere, half-volleying the first chance over the bar, sending Michael Smith clear for a shot well saved by Thomas Kaminski and then crossing for Josh Windass, who was also denied by the goalkeeper’s leg.

Luton showed signs of waking up before half-time as a Mark McGuinness header forced James Beadle to tip the ball over the bar.

It was not a great surprise, however, when Wednesday - for whom Akin Famewo had been a rock in defence - took the lead seven minutes after the re-start.

Yan Valery raced down the right and crossed for Bannan to show superb technique by volleying it past Kaminski.

Luton responded, and manager Rob Edwards made a triple substitution on the hour mark, sending on Tom Krauss, Zack Nelson and Carlton Morris.

It paid off as Di’Shon Bernard was judged to have handled. He was shown a red card and referee Gavin Ward pointed to the spot, from where Morris slotted in the equaliser.

Wednesday were still not giving up on the win as Windass had a low shot saved by Kaminski but Morris pounced with two minutes left to secure the points.

Well, what about this week?  Since this is so late in being published, let's not bother.  All right?  Not arf.

.....oooOooo.....

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Hounslow, England in 2000. A central midfielder, I began my senior career at Fulham before moving to Milton Keynes Dons. I then moved to Celtic and have recently been signed by Brighton and Hove Albion. Although I played in the English U16 and U18 teams, I now play for Denmark.

Answer - Matt O’Riley

2. What is New Zealander, Meikayla Moore’s unfortunate claim to fame?

Answer - She scored a perfect hat-trick of own goals against USA.

3. Who is the current Wales national side’s coach?

Answer - Craig Bellamy

4. Which three Premier League players have received a red card during the current season?

Answer - Declan Rice, Ashley Young and Fabian Schär were the answers at the time of asking the question. However, they have since been joined by Jack Stephens, James Ward-Prowse, Morgan Gibbs-White, Bruno Fernandes and Leandro Trossard.

5. Which club plays its home games at Meadowbank Stadium?

Answer - Edinburgh City

Let’s have five for this week.

1. Who am I?

I was born in 1934 [Ooh, an oldie. - Ed.] in Edinburgh. I played as a left half/sweeper and played over 600 games in a senior career lasting almost 20 years. I began at Hearts before moving to Tottenham Hotspur where I was known as ‘the heartbeat’ of the double winning team of 1961. When I was 33, I was transferred to Derby County, helping them win promotion to the First Division. I ended my playing career as player/manager at Swindon Town. I moved on to manage, among others, Nottingham Forest, Derby County, Walsall, Doncaster Rovers and Birmingham City. I was also capped for Scotland 22 times.

2. Which Chilean has scored the most goals in the Premier League?

3. Who is the current captain of Aston Villa?

4. Who is the current Brighton & Hove Albion manager?

5. Which team plays its home games at the Brick Community Stadium? [I didn’t know there was such a thing as a brick community. - Ed.]

There you have it. Have fun trying to work that lot out. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK

.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).  Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...

£79,374

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. R. Lacey who furnishes us with this week's finisher.  Actor, Ronald Lacey played some memorable characters in his all too short career (He died aged just 55.) such as Arnold Toht in Raiders of the Lost Ark and teddy-boy, Harris in Porridge.  However, I believe his greatest performance was in Blackadder II as the loathsome Bishop of Bath and Wells, as mentioned in the birthday honours, and I have found a little clip which ought to amuse you.

 

A rather different looking Ronald Lacey

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.