Saturday, 8 February 2025

Post 522 - Grambling with a couple of Bob(s)

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…

 

Story Time

I've been to the pictures to see a film. [Really? How interesting. Yawn. - Ed.] It was what is known as a biopic. It seems to be a very popular (and profitable) way of making films these days. Especially if the subject matter is a very famous singer whether they be dead or alive. Perhaps the first of the ilk was the one about Freddie Mercury called, perhaps inevitably, Bohemian Rhapsody. Indeed, all such films tend to have a song title as their... erm... title. Thus, we had Rocket Man about Elton John, Back to Black about Amy Winehouse and One Love about Bob Marley.

The film I went to see this week was about Bob Dylan and was called Complete Unknown. Hang on, that's not a song title, I hear you say. No it isn't. Instead it is a lyric from the song Like a Rolling Stone. So now you know.

They all offer a similar experience. If you like the music of the artist concerned, there is plenty of it. If you want a depiction of times gone by, they are pretty accurate with their historical references. If you want an accurate portrayal of the subject's life story... tough. Unfortunately, because these films depict living individuals, many 'facts' are distorted to show them as nice people, whether they are or not.

Ah, I hear you say, Freddie, Amy and Bob are all dead. True, but many individuals that they had dealings with are still alive. Thus, some real scoundrels are portrayed with undue sympathy.

Anyway, as I watched this latest film about Bob Dylan, I realised that they all have (basically) the same story.

Prior to striking out for stardom, the subject of the film will be shown sitting on their bed writing songs. They will hum a few choruses of a song that we are meant to recognise, then, barely missing a beat, they sing the song in its finished form. Amazing that, isn't it?

At some point, the would-be star will meet up with somebody famous just out of the blue and proceed to sing their latest composition. The famous person or, in the case of Freddie, fellow band members, take the person under their wing in order to further their career.

Some love interest will crop up only to be spurned as the titular lead becomes more famous.

It's all a bit formulaic for cynical old me.

How does a song get churned out fully-formed without any rehearsal? One of the films (I won't say which just in case you might want to see it) had the most ludicrous moment where a musician turns up to ask if he can be part of the band. The band in question had never seen or even heard of this person before. Without any preamble, he launches into the tune the band are about to record without any prior knowledge of the song. I'm afraid I had to stifle a laugh at that point.

Also, how does a vital part of the storyline always coincide with the main character's most famous moment?

How so, I hear you ask?

Well, let's take Bohemian Rhapsody as an example. According to the film, which ended with the Live Aid concert of 1985, on the very day of Live Aid, Freddie announced to the other members of Queen that he had Aids. Also, on that same day, he took his boyfriend to have tea with his parents, who, for the purposes of the (mostly inaccurate) storyline, had hitherto refused to meet their son because of his sexuality.

Ahh, what a lovely ending. Bollocks. The problem with these films is that they take a few well-known factoids about the subject and weave them together to make as feelgood a movie as it possible to make given their totally messed up lifestyle.

Who will be the next famous singer/musician to be given the treatment?

Rod Stewart? No doubt he will be shown as a smashing wee kid who dreams of being a footballer. His hopes are dashed when he fails to be signed by a big team. Suddenly, he'll decide that he can make it as a singer. No doubt this will cause friction within his family and his dad will refuse to talk to him when he starts dressing and behaving like a mod. He'll form a band and be discovered and whisked off to stardom by John Baldry... or is it Mick Jagger? Doesn't matter, it'll be someone famous. Next, some other musician will step in... Jeff Beck? and steal him from under John/Mick's nose. He'll be an overnight sensation and Britt Ekland wants to meet him. They become a power couple but the relationship turns sour just as Rod becomes mega famous... yawn.

You could use the same script for any number of famous singers, just as an excuse to let some actor that can sing like the subject become a star... and then, you can use the same script to make a film about the actor and how they became a star... the same with the actor who plays the actor who played the singer... etc. etc. ad finitum.


 

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Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 1st of February? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Henry Briggs 1561 - Mathemetician. Improved the logarithm system invented by John Napier... You don’t what a logarithm is, do you? [Music for lumberjacks? - Ed.]

John Thornycroft 1843 - Shipbuilder and, later, manufacturer of heavy lorries.

Clara Butt 1872 - Contralto. Here’s a patriotic melody recorded 114 years ago.

Thomas Dunhill 1877 - Composer. Shall we have another little toon? Here’s The Cloths of Heaven.

Stephen Potter 1900 - Writer. Famous (in his day) for his Upmanship series which led to the 1960 film School for Scoundrels.

Stanley Matthews 1915 - Footy bloke.

Muriel Spark 1918 - Writer. The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie was one of hers.

Colin Watson 1920 - Writer. Wrote humorous detective novels, known as the Flaxborough Chronicles, which were turned into the 1977 BBC series Murder Most English.

Peter Sallis 1921 - Actor. Cleggy in Last of the Summer Wine. He also played Rodney Gloss in Murder Most English.

Pat Lally 1926 - Politician. Lord Provost of Glasgow 1995-99.

Terry Jones 1942 - Member of the Monty Python team. Need I say more.

Elisabeth Sladen 1946 - Actress. Sarah Jane Smith in Doctor Who, The Sarah Jane Adventures and K-9 and Company.

Adam Ingram 1947 - Politician who once visited me at home. Lovely chap... for a politician.

John Bowe 1950 - Actor. Duggie Ferguson in Coronation Street.

Nick Magnus 1955 - Musician. Keyboard player for Steve Hackett and co-writer of this song, Funny Feeling.

Chris Payne 1957 - Musician. Was part of Tubeway Army, Gary Numan’s band. Later formed synth-pop band Dramatis. Here is a track by Dramatis with Gary Numan on vocals duty, Love Needs No Disguise.

Kenny Morris 1957 - Musician. He was the first studio drummer with Siouxsie and the Banshees and co-wrote this track, Hong Kong Garden.

Luther Blissett 1958 - Footy bloke.

Linus Roache 1964 - Actor. Father Greg Pilkington in Priest. Bill’s lad.

Rob Lee 1966 - Footy bloke.

Paul McCole 1972 - Actor. Jimmy in High Times.

Jess Robinson 1983 - Impressionist. Her podcast Stars in Your Ears won the Best Entertainment Podcast award in 2021.

Darren Fletcher 1984 - Fitba guy.

Dean Shiels 1985 - Fitba guy.

Harry Styles 1994 - Singer songwriter and (occasional) actor. Here’s his last single, Satellite.

 

Okay, how about the 8th of February, anyone we know?

Lieutenant-Colonel John Theodore Cuthbert Moore-Brabazon, 1st Baron Brabazon of Tara, , HonFRPS 1884 - That is some monicker. Why is he here? Because he was the first Englishman to pilot a heavier than air machine, eye ee, a plane.

Edith Evans 1888 - Ectress. Lady Bracknell in The Importance of Being Earnest (1949). It featured her most famous moment when she utters the immortal words... A haaaandbaaaag?!!

Roger Lloyd-Pack 1944 - Actor. Trigger in Only Fools and Horses.

Carolyn Pickles 1952 - Actress. Maggie Radcliffe in Broadchurch.

Carol Harrison 1955 - Actress. Gloria in Brush Strokes.

Duncan Duff 1964 - Actor. Doc Brown in Hamish Macbeth.

Trinny Woodall 1964 - TV presenter.

Alex ‘Tattie’ Marshall 1967 - Booler.

Marc Wootton 1975 - Comedian, actor and writer. Mr Poppy in Nativity (and its follow-ups).

Abi Titmuss 1976 - Actor, television presenter and model, it says here.

Ralf Little 1980 - Actor. Dr. Neville Parker in Death in Paradise. Factoid: He was a semi-professional footballer between 2002 and 2008.

Richie Campbell 1983 - Actor. Dr. Glenn Branson in Grace.

Catherine Steadman 1983 - Actress. Mabel Lane Fox in Downton Abbey.

Charlie Edwards 1993 - Boxery bloke.

Callum Slattery 1999 - Footy Bloke. Plays for Motherwell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Grambly Styles,

I remember, that, before you went solo, you were in a boy band called One Cornetto or something. I know your first record went to number one, but what was the next one to top the charts?

Yours stylishly,

Lee Tull-Things.

 

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Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Erksablod fare? We won. Four out of five predictions were spot on, so we won from our £2.20 bet... cue fanfare... £3.76. Woo hoo! A profit of £1.56! Cue ‘We’re in the money’. What Happened? Read on.

Coventry vs Watford - Home win

Result - Coventry 2 Watford 1

Yay!

In a dominant first half, the hosts broke the deadlock when Victor Torp [Try saying that after a few sherbets. - Ed.] tapped home Jack Rudoni's cross from close range.

He then extended Coventry's lead in the second half with a scorching free-kick from the edge of the D but Watford responded less than 10 minutes to go through Liam Kitching's own goal.

Despite insistent pressure from the Hornets to try find an equaliser, the Sky Blues held on to win all three points.

Watford struggled to dominate possession in the opening exchanges.

Sky Blues frontman Brandon Thomas-Asante had two good chances via Torp through-balls within the first 10 minutes, the first hitting the side netting with the other pushed out by Jonathan Bond.

Torp, however, made sure to take his chance when Rudoni delivered, driving the ball down the right flank before fizzing in a low cross for Torp to slot home after 32 minutes.

Despite Watford upping their intensity at the beginning of the second half, Edo Kayembe's foul on Coventry substitute Tatsuhiro Sakamoto just outside the box gave Torp a golden platform to score again.

It proved to be at the second time of asking after his first free-kick was deemed to be blocked in the wall by Moussa Sissoko's hand.

With only 15 minutes to go, Watford rose to the occasion and responded with Sissoko's strike from the centre of the box deflecting off Sky Blues centre-half Kitching to pull one back.

Giorgi Chakvetadze then had home hearts in mouths as Coventry keeper Oliver Dovin was forced down to his left to deny him at the near post.

 

Bristol City vs Blackburn - Home win

Result - Bristol City 2 Blackburn 1

Yay!

Nahke Wells came off the bench to score the decisive goal against Rovers.

Set-piece specialist Scott Twine had put the Robins ahead with a first-half free-kick before Andi Weimann equalised, but Wells had the final say.

Blackburn had the game's first chance when Tyrhys Dolan tricked his way past Luke McNally into a promising position in the box but blazed the ball over the bar from a narrow angle, overlooking better-placed options in the middle.

Sinclair Armstrong looked lively early on with a couple of forward runs giving Blackburn a warning of the threat he could pose.

In the 10th minute, Danny Batth brought him down and conceded the free-kick which earned the defender a booking and led to the hosts' opening goal.

The set-piece was in an ideal position for Twine, who curled his effort perfectly over the wall and into Aynsley Pears' bottom corner.

John Buckley then presented Twine with another free-kick opportunity when he was caught in possession just outside his area and fouled Jason Knight as he tried to salvage the situation.

Twine hit the wall this time but Blackburn failed to properly clear their lines and he struck a follow-up effort from long range just wide.

Blackburn eventually regained their composure after that shaky period and scored an equaliser they deserved for their first-half efforts five minutes before half-time.

Dolan got down the right hand side, his deep cross was headed against the post by Makhtar Gueye but Weimann was quickest to react when he nodded in the rebound from close range.

Pears then rushed off his line and saved brilliantly from Anis Mehmeti to ensure Rovers went in level at the break.

The visitors made another strong start to the half after the restart. Dolan saw his next attempt blocked before Dominic Hyam attempted to flick in a cross but just failed to make contact.

In between those two Blackburn attempts, Twine fired a dipping effort over and the hosts went even closer just after the hour.

Robins head coach Liam Manning replaced Armstrong with Wells in the 61st minute and the substitute striker almost had an instant impact.

Max Bird put him through with a ball over the top, he took a touch to control the ball before lobbing Pears but Callum Brittain got back just in time to clear before the ball crossed the line.

But Wells was not to be denied. In the 77th minute he was played in on goal again by fellow sub Joe Williams and this time he did find the net after his low effort took a touch off Hyam.

 

Barnsley vs Stevenage - Home win

Result - Barnsley 0 Stevenage 1

Boo!

Dan Kemp struck the winner in time added on to give Stevenage victory at Barnsley.

Jordan Roberts went close for the visitors early on, intercepting a Barnsley throw-in and firing in a deflected shot which was well saved by Ben Killip, who tipped the ball over.

When Jake Young found some space inside the area, Killip came to Barnsley's rescue with a solid stop.

Davis Keillor-Dunn tried a shot from distance which went wide of Murphy Cooper's right-hand post.

Killip claimed the ball comfortably after Daniel Phillips' effort bounced off the turf and into his hands.

Kemp then tried a shot from distance which flew wide of the target.

Jamie Reid wasted a great opening for the visitors, slicing his shot wide from a good position after receiving the ball inside the area from Kemp.

Killip made a good save, turning over Eli King's long-range effort.

Two minutes into added time, Kemp met Luther James-Wildin's cross with a far-post header to give Stevenage all three points.

Incidentally, would you like to know Stevenage manager, Alex Revell’s thoughts after the game? Of course you would.

We have to take the chances that we get, and if we do we'll score more.’

To quote John Cleese in Fawlty Towers... You should be on Mastermind; specialist subject, the bleeding obvious.

 

West Brom vs Portsmouth - Home win

Result - West Brom 5 Portsmouth 1

Yay!

Alex Mowatt open the scoring with a low strike.

Grady Diangana doubled the Baggies' lead after a parry from Portsmouth keeper Nicholas Schmid fell into his path.

Captain Jed Wallace made it 3-0 before Diangana pounced for four before half-time and John Swift scored a fifth in the second half to add to Portsmouth's miseries.

The Blues notched a late consolation goal throug Thomas Waddingham with the last kick of the game.

Portsmouth went closest early on as striker Colby Bishop flicked the ball into the path of Andre Dozzell whose effort on the half-volley was well saved.

Moments later, Swift attempted to curl a shot into the far corner but Schmid made the save and Diangana then launched an effort that flew just wide.

The hosts then took the lead through Mowatt.

He received the ball outside the box and struck a thunderous low drive into the bottom right-hand corner that Schmid managed to get a hand to but could not keep out.

The hosts soon doubled their lead as Mikey Johnston beat two defenders before launching a shot at goal. Schmid saved but his parry only went as far as the waiting Diangana.

Diangana then turned provider, laying the ball off to Wallace, who carried on his run into the penalty area before slotting the ball home and wheeling off in celebration.

The damage got even worse for Portsmouth just before the break as Diangana was played in by Mason Holgate and made no mistake.

Swift added a fifth just before the hour mark as the midfielder received the ball in space on the edge of the box and sent it into the top corner via a deflection.

With just over 10 minutes remaining, Albion almost had a sixth as Tom Fellows was played through one-on-one with just Schmid to beat but was unable to find a finish.

Portsmouth did eventually score with the final kick of the game as Waddingham came on as a sub and fired home at the second attempt after a low cross from the right.

 

Wigan vs Bristol Rovers - Home win

Result - Wigan vs Bristol Rovers

Yay!

Wigan got off to a flyer as James Carragher [The Jamie Carragher? Surely he can’t still be playing. - Ed.] headed them into a sixth-minute lead after he was found by Joseph Hungbo's pinpoint free-kick from the right.

Dale Taylor fired just wide from 25 yards before slack play at the back gave Rovers their first sight of goal, only for Gatlin O'Donkor (Definitely wins this week’s Cracking Name of the Week prize.) to fire straight at Sam Tickle.

The precarious nature of the one-goal lead was shown again when Lino Sousa's cross found O'Donkor and Wigan were indebted to Tickle for making a stunning save at point-blank range.

Wigan nerves were eased 20 minutes from time when some catastrophic defending from Rovers allowed Taylor to tee up substitute Jonny Smith.

It should have been 3-0 moments later, only for Thelo Aasgaard to smash a shot against the bar from 12 yards.

Okeydokey, that was last time out, but what has The Grambler come up with this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Norwich vs Derby - Home win - 8/11

Stockport vs Barnsley - Home win - 17/20

Burton vs Blackpool - Away win - 23/20

Lincoln vs Cambridge - Home win - 17/20

Salford vs Tranmere - Home win - 8/11

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£11.38

£11.38? Whopping... ish.

 

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Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Amsterdam in 1999. A winger, I began my senior career at Jong Ajax, then Ajax before being transferred to Roma. During my time with them, I was loaned out to Leipzig, Nice and Valencia. In 2023, I was transferred to my current club, AFC Bournemouth. I have already scored two hat-tricks this season, although in the first of these all three goals were scored from the penalty. I come from a famous footballing family; my father and grandfather were both internationalists.

Answer - Justin Kluivert

2. Manchester City right back Kyle Walker has been loaned out to which club?

Answer - AC Milan

3. Which club has won the Europa League title the most times?

Answer - Sevilla (7 wins)

4. With which club did Denis Law begin his senior career?

Answer - Huddersfield Town

5. Which club plays its home games at the New York Stadium?

Answer - Rotherham

Let’s have five for this week.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Glasgow in 1969. A midfielder, I began my senior career at St. Mirren. After seven seasons with them, I moved to Motherwell, then Borussia Dortmund (winning a UEFA Champions League title) and then Celtic. I ended my playing career at Livingston as a player/manager. I then went on to manage... deep breath... Wycombe Wanderers, Colchester United, Norwich City, Aston Villa, Blackburn Rovers, Wolverhampton Wanderers, Stoke City and Ipswich Town. I was capped for Scotland 40 times.

2. Sevilla was an answer last time out. They also won the earlier UEFA Cup, before it became the Europa League. Name the two other clubs that have also won both competitions.

3. Which English club won the UEFA Cup in 1980-81?

4. At the time of writing, who has scored the most Premier League goals this season?

5. Which club plays home games at Bayview Stadium?

There you have it. Have fun trying to work that lot out. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

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Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK


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Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).  Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. We have now smashed through the 80 thousand barrier. Yay! The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...

£83,602

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. T. Jones who is involved in this week’s finishing clip. Terry Jones, you probably know, was a member of the group known as simply ‘The Pythons’. He was the director behind the films Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Life of Brian (where he also played Brian’s mum among other characters) and The Meaning of Life. Sadly, he died from dementia in 2020. The clip I have chosen to give you this week, shows his skill as a director and choreographer. Ladeez and genullum please enjoy Camelot: Knights of the Round Table (Monty Python and the Holy Grail) with Lyrics

 

He’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy.

 

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 25 January 2025

Post 521 - Grambly Fortunes/Feud

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…

 

Story Time

You may have noticed a recent substantial increase in the amount we have donated to Cancer Research UK. That is due to us running our annual Stewart David Smith Kick Cancer's Backside Seasonal Quiz, which raised an astonishing £1139. Thanks to everyone who took part and contributed so generously.

I'll tell you a bit about it.

I hope we are not infringing any copyright laws because we borrow the format of Family Fortunes or Family Feud as it's called in the good ol You Ess of Ay. It's a way of ensuring that nobody can simply use googly to find the answers, because there are no right answers. We are simply looking for the most popular answer.

We set 25 Christmas-themed questions and ask 100 people to answer them. The response that most people give for a question becomes the 'correct' answer when we receive the completed forms.

Here is an example: we asked people to name a bird that they might see in winter. Not surprisingly, the top answer was Robin. There are always some crazy answers given... seagull? French hen? I've never seen a French hen, have you?

Some questions are less likely to produce such an obvious response. We asked people to name a home-made Christmas gift. The top answer was 'cake', but it only beat second placed 'scarf' by one.

There were some questions which perhaps shouldn't have even been there.

We asked people to name something that the naughty elf on the shelf might do. Of the 100 sheets in our survey there were 55 different answers. Now, bearing in mind that we are asking for the answer that most people would give (and that was the boringly simple 'make a mess' which came top with only 11), some of the suggestions were remarkably specific such as 'paint dad's toenails' or, something which to me seems impossible, 'straighten crisps'. How the blibbing flip do you straighten crisps?

Another question asked people to name something that you might put in a Christmas eve box. Our problem with that was that a few people didn't know what a Christmas eve box was so they simply left a blank space. Having said that, there was an overwhelming winner with pyjamas or pjs, which was the choice of 53 out of the 100.

Then there were the 'we know what you meant' answers to questions. We asked for a scent of a Christmas candle. Cinnamon was the top answer, incidentally. We did get one answer as frankenstein... We know what you meant.

Another asked for a popular children's film at Christmas. The winner was Home Alone, though Elf and The Polar Express were also popular answers. We got one that suggested The Polar Bear Express... We know what you meant.

There was the question which asked for a popular family activity at New Year. Dancing chairs? We know what you meant.

That question threw up some humdingers such as drinking or getting drunk, falling out or arguing. Vomiting? I'm not going there for the bells.

The strangest answer to that question was 'eating grapes'. What kind of a family is that, then? A family of squirrels?

Another question asked for an animal that you might see in a pantomime. The top answer there was donkey, though it only beat horse by five points. Cow and cat also scored a few. However, once again, there were some odd answers. I don't recall seeing a panto with a sheep in it... perhaps they were getting mixed up with a nativity play. I've not seen a panto with a tiger in it either. Or a fox. But the strangest of all was... a giraffe. Yep. Stranger still, three people suggested it.

My favourites of all the questions we put, were some of the answers to the question what gift might a wife give her husband for Christmas. The top answer was aftershave, followed by the equally dull socks. However, some guys were in for a shock. Some poor guy was going to get earache. Another was going to get divorce papers. Yet another was simply going to get a kick up the a**e. Oh dear.

Hang on, someone has got mixed up with the Christmas eve box question. There's a bloke suggesting that his wife will give him pjs... No, that isn't a P, that's a... oh, come on, that is just obscene!

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 18th of January? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

John Nash 1752 - Architect. Buck House was one of his.

A. A. Milne 1882 - Author. Famous for his Pooh. [So childish. - Ed.]

Arthur Ransome 1884 - Author. The Swallows and Amazons bloke.

Thomas Sopwith 1888 - Aviator. Famous for his Camel.

Archie Leach aka Cary Grant 1904 - Actor. Here’s a trailer for a 1933 version of Alice in Wonderland. You’ll get a glimpse of Cary, but you won’t recognise him under his Mock Turtle makeup. [Is that meant to be a children’s film? That is the stuff of nightmares. - Ed.]

Jacob Bronowsky 1908 - Mathematician and philosopher.

Arthur Howard 1910 - Jobbing actor. Often played unnamed official-looking characters such as legal types... lawyers and judges... but seemed to be cast most regularly as a vicar. He must have had that kind of face. I’m sure what that kind of face was, but he most certainly had it. Brother of Leslie and father of Alan.

John Boorman 1933 - Film director, producer and scriptwriter. Deliverance, that was one of his. Father of Charley.

David Bellamy 1933 - Academic, botanist, TV presenter, author and environmental campaigner. In fact, a right old clever clogs.

Robin Chapman 1933 - Novelist, playwright and screenwriter. Force 10 from Navarone, that was one of his.

John Hume 1937 - Politician, so he was.

Tony Holland 1940 - Screenwriter and actor. Credited as being the co-creator of Eastenders.

Paul Angelis 1943 - Actor and writer. PC Bruce Bannerman in Z-Cars. Michael’s big bruv. Factoid: Michael Angelis took over from Ringo Starr as the narrator of Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends and Paul Angelis provided the voice of Ringo Starr in Yellow Submarine. [Really? How interesting. Yawn. - Ed.]

Dave Greenslade 1943 - Musician. He was the keyboardist with Colosseum, Greenslade, If and Chris Farlowe’s Thunderbirds. He is also known for creating theme music for many TV programmes such as Bird of Prey, A Very Peculiar Practice and this one, Gangsters.

Paul Freeman 1943 - Actor. René Emile Belloq in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Prunella Ransome 1943 - Actress. Zoe Carter in Warship.

‘Legs’ Larry Smith 1944 - Musician. He was the drummer with the anarchic Bonzo Dog (Doo-Dah) Band. Here is a track from his later ‘supergroup’ Topo D. Bill called Witchi Tai To.

Winnie Shaw 1947 - Tennisy bloke.

Bob Latchford 1951 - Footy bloke.

Richard Littlejohn 1954 - Journalist it says here.

Tom Bailey 1954 - Musician. A former Thompson Twin, he now performs solo. Here is a track called Science Fiction

Mark Rylance 1960 - Actor. Thomas Cromwell in Wolf Hall.

Peter Beardsley 1961 - Footy bloke.

Jeremy Healy 1962 - Musician. He was a member of Haysi Fantayzee. Remember them? They only had two Top 20 hits. Here is one of them, Shiny Shiny.

Jane Horrocks 1964 - Actress. Bubble in Absolutely Fabulous. 141 credits on IMDb.

Richard Dunwoody 1964 - Horse racery bloke.

Ben Willbond 1973 - Actor and screenwriter. Part of the Them There collective responsible for Horrible Histories, Yonderland and Ghosts.

Crispian Mills 1973 - Musician. Frontman of (now re-formed) Kula Shaker. Son of Hayley Mills and Roy Boulting. Here’s a 2023 single, Indian Record Player.

Richard Archer 1977 - Musician. Frontman of (now re-formed) Hard-Fi. Here’s a recent single that you can sing along to, Don't Go Making Plans.

Willie Collum 1979 - Fitba guy. Head of Referee Operations at the S.F.A.

Neil Speirs 1979 - Bools guy.

Joey Barrington 1979 - Squashy bloke. Son of Jonah.

Robert Green 1980 - Footy bloke.

Estelle (Swaray) 1980 - Singer songwriter. Here’s another one to sing along to, Set Me On Fire.

Faye McKeever 1985 - Actress. Linda Stubbings in Trollied.

Suzi Ruffell 1986 - Comedienne.

James Charters aka Ironik 1988 - Musician, DJ and rapper. Let’s have a clip. Here’s Stay With Me.

 

Okeydokey, let’s have a look at the 25th of January...

Robert Boyle 1627 - Chemist famous for his law, known as... erm... Boyle’s Law. [Somebody thought long and hard about that. - Ed.]

Robert Burns 1759 - Poet.

William Colgate 1783 - Industrialist who founded the company that would become Colgate-Palmolive.

Segar Bastard 1854 - Footy bloke. I’d never heard of him, but couldn’t resist.

W. Somerset Maugham 1874 - Playwright and novelist. Of Human Bondage, that was one of his.

Virginia Woolf 1882 - Writer.

John Moores 1896 - Businessman. Founder of Littlewoods Pools and Littlewoods stores. One-time owner of Everton Football Club.

Ewan MacColl 1915 - Folk singer, songwriter, labour activist, actor, poet, playwright and record producer. In fact, a right old smarty boots. Here’s a song which he wrote being sung by his (future) wife Peggy Seeger, The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.

Raymond Baxter 1922 - TV presenter.

Richard Davies 1926 - Actor. Mr Price in Please Sir!

Bobby Willis 1942 - Manager and husband of Cilla Black.

Emily Richard 1948 - Actress. Lorna Doone in Lorna Doone (1976).

Dyan Birch 1949 - Singer. A member of the vocal group Arrival. Let’s have a clip. Here’s Friends.

Christopher Ryan 1950 - Actor. The boring cool one from The Young Ones.

John Cooper Clarke 1951 - Performance poet it says here.

Peter Tatchell 1952 - Gay rights activist.

Andy Cox 1956 - Musician. He was a member of The Beat, then Fine Young Cannibals. With fellow Beat/Fine Young Cannibals member David Steele, he formed a recording duo with the catchy name of Two Men, a Drum Machine and a Trumpet and they had a hit - Tired of Getting Pushed Around.

Gary Tibbs 1958 - Jobbing musician. He was a member of Adam and the Ants for a time and even gets a mention in the lyrics of this, Ant Rap. [Why would anyone want to trap an ant?  Utterly ridiculous. - Ed.]

Emma Freud 1962 - Broadcaster. Clement’s lass.

Alison Newman 1968 - Actress. Hazel Bailey in Footballers Wives.

Paul Ritchie 1969 - Fitba guy.

Dan Renton Skinner 1973 - Comedian and actor. Beekeeper in The Witchfinder.

Simon Lappin 1983 - Fitba guy. Briefly with Motherwell, you know.

Kevin Holt 1993 - Fitba guy.

Tayler Marshall 2000 - Actor. Kenzo Harper in My Family.

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Richard Grambler,

I did enjoy hearing that Hard-Fi are back together. Tell me, what was the band’s best performing single?

Yours toptenishly,

Sue Berber-Nights.

 

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Orksabled fare? We won. Ish. If you remember, The Grambler gave us some predictions from German and Italian games. As only two out of five predictions came good, we actually only won 70 pees. I won’t bore you with what happened, let’s just check out this week’s predictions.

Game - Result - Odds

Coventry vs Watford - Home win - 3/4

Bristol City vs Blackburn - Home win - 17/20

Barnsley vs Stevenage - Home win - 10/11

West Brom vs Portsmouth - Home win - 13/20

Wigan vs Bristol Rovers - Home win - 5/6

 

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£10.28

1028... Would you like a factoid about that year? You wouldn’t? Well, you’re getting one, anyway. Cnut... I said Cnut... the Great sailed from England to Norway with 50 ships and defeated Norwegian supremo Olaf Haraldsson. Cnut was crowned and in so doing became the sole ruler of England, Denmark, Norway and part of Sweden. This was known as the Danish North Sea Empire. Cnut was, at the time, the most powerful ruler in Europe after the Holy Roman Empire. There you go. See... Educational, this is.

 

.....oooOooo.....

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Auckland in 1991. A forward, I began my senior career in New Zealand in 2006, but moved to English club West Brom in 2009. I was loaned out to a few clubs, but signed with the last of these, Leicester City in 2013. After another loan spell, this time at Ipswich, I joined Leeds United. I signed with Burnley in 2017 and was sold for a club record fee of £25 million to Newcastle. In 2023, I signed to my current club, Nottingham Forest. I have been capped 80 times for New Zealand.

Answer - Chris Wood

2. Which player was bought by Arsenal for the highest transfer fee?

Answer - Declan Rice (£100 million)

3. Who scored a perfect hat-trick (left foot, right foot, head) on the 5th of January this year?

Answer - Hamza Igamane (Rangers)

4. Who is West Ham United’s current manager?

Answer - Graham Potter

5. Which club plays home games at Borough Briggs?

Answer - Elgin City

Righty ho, shall we have five for this week? Why not.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Amsterdam in 1999. A winger, I began my senior career at Jong Ajax, then Ajax before being transferred to Roma. During my time with them, I was loaned out to Leipzig, Nice and Valencia. In 2023, I was transferred to my current club, AFC Bournemouth. I have already scored two hat-tricks this season, although in the first of these all three goals were scored from the penalty spot. I come from a famous footballing family; my father and grandfather were both internationalists.

2. Manchester City right back Kyle Walker has been loaned out to which club?

3. Which club has won the Europa League title the most times?

4. With which club did Denis Law begin his senior career?

5. Which club plays its home games at the New York Stadium?

There you have it. Have fun trying to work that lot out. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK


.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).  Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. We have now smashed through the 80 thousand barrier. Yay! The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...

£83,592

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. R. Mortimer who provides us with this week’s finishing item. Mr R. Mortimer, or Bob Mortimer, is known for his double act with Vic Reeves, his double act with Paul Whitehouse and his double act with Andy Dawson. Who, I hear you ask. Bob and Andy began a podcast in 2016 which was built loosely (very loosely) around football and they gave it the very sensible name of Athletico Mince. The sport side of things centred mainly on scathing impressions of people associated with football. Steve McClaren gets a doing; Sean Dyche ditto. However, it is one of our birthday celebrants that is treated to, arguably, Bob’s cruellest impression. Ladeez and genullum, please enjoy the jokes of Peter Beardsley.

 

One Peter Beardsley, there’s only one Peter Beardsley.

 

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.

 

Saturday, 11 January 2025

Post 520 - Grambling at a pc panto

Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…

 

Story Time

It’s that time of the lunar cycle we call a year to wish all you good folk in gramblerland a happy new... erm... random date on the calendar. So how have I celebrated this great event, apart from watching Jools Holland’s Hootenanny?

I've been to a panto... Oh yes, I have. It has been a long time since I've done that. Mrs G just took a notion to go to see a pantomime this year. So, we headed into Glasgow to see a production of Peter Pan.

I think it must have been a few years since I have been to a panto, because everything had changed.

There are rules to panto; a pantomime etiquette, no less.

One such rule is that the main character, Peter Pan, must be played by a woman. No, I don't know where that tradition came from... but you know these theatrical types, they love dressing up.

Captain Hook was always the bad guy and he would have the audience booing him every time he gave his trademark evil laugh... mwah ha ha har... and twiddled with his waxed moustache.

There would have been a character shoehorned into the plot as a 'dame' and as every pantomime goer knows, the dame is always played by a man... as I said, theatrical folk. And as for Tinkerbell the fairy, she was always played by the prettiest girl in the company.

What has changed? Everything and everyone, apparently. Firstly, Peter Pan was not played by a thigh-slapping female (Apparently, that is how the audience could spot that she was meant to be a man. Thigh slapping. Nope, I've never yet seen a guy slapping his thigh, either.) but... and this is the strange bit... a guy. Now, that is just weird. That just goes against the first rule of panto; the hero is meant to be played by a lady, simple as that. What is the world coming to?

Next, we have the baddie. Captain Hook is meant to be the meanest bad guy imaginable and not, as was the case in this production, the meanest bad lady imaginable.

Just what is the world of panto coming to? I mean, she hadn't even got a moustache to twiddle.

Worse was to come. The dame, the character shoe-horned in for comic effect, was actually played by a woman. I mean, that is just unthinkable. Terry Scott must be spinning in his grave.

And finally, the biggest insult to traditional panto goers, Tinkerbell the fairy was played by... a man. What!? That is just wrong. And this Tinkerbell was as camp as a row of tents. [I don’t think you are allowed to make such comments. - Ed.]

What is the world coming to, that's what I want to know... and there was no pantomime cow played by two blokes in a ludicrous costume. All we got was a few seconds of a bloke dressed as Nanna the pet dog.

I feel cheated... Oh yes, I do! 


.....oooOooo.....

 

Birthday honours...

Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 28th of December? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.

Max Jaffa 1911 - Musician. Every summer from the sixties to the mid eighties, Max would perform with his Palm Court Orchestra at The Spa in Scarborough. Here is a short film made about his time there.  Here's Max Jaffa; The Last Scarborough Concert.

Bernard Youens 1914 - Actor. Stan Ogden in Coronation Street.

Jack Milroy 1915 - Comedian. The Francie in Francie and Josie.

Noel Johnson 1916 - Actor. Dick Barton in Dick Barton - Special Agent.

Brian Redhead 1929 - Journalist and TV presenter.

Roy Hattersley 1932 - Politician.

Maggie Smith 1934 - Actress. Violet Crawley, Dowager Duchess of Grantham in Downton Abbey.

Frank McLintock 1939 - Fitba guy.

Richard Whiteley 1943 - TV presenter.

Chas Hodges 1943 - Musician. One half of Chas and Dave. [Really? Which one was he? - Ed.] Ahem. Here’s a little clip of a song they made to advertise Courage Beer. What does Gertcha mean? Haven’t a scoobie.

Keith Floyd 1943 - TV chef who was rather fond of the sauce. No relation to Pink.

Max Hastings 1945 - Journalist.

Martin Lampkin 1950 - Motorbike scrambler.

Stephen Frost 1955 - Comedian.

Jimmy Nicholl 1956 - Fitba guy.

Nigel Kennedy 1956 - Fiddler. A clip? Have a bit of culture; from Vivaldi's Four Seasons, here’s Winter.

Terry Butcher 1958 - Footy bloke. Ex-Motherwell manager, you know.

Kaye Adams 1962 - TV presenter.

Danny Swanson 1986 - Fitba guy.

Now then, let’s see a few born on the 4th of January.

Wat Tyler 1341 - Leader of the Peasants’ Revolt of 1381. No relation to Which Tyler, leader of the Pedants’ Revolt.

Isaac Newton 1643 - Polymath.

Isaac Pitman 1813 - Inventor of the most widely used system of shorthand writing.

Augustus John 1878 - Painter.

Carroll Gibbons 1903 - Bandleader. Here’s a clip of him playing the old Joanna.

Erik Chisholm 1904 - Composer. Have a bit of The Duntroon Pibroch.

Rosalie Crutchley 1920 - Actress. Goodwife Margaret in By the Sword Divided.

Don Arden 1926 - Music manager and agent. Sharon Osbourne’s dad.

Iain Cuthbertson 1930 - Actor. Charlie Endel in Budgie.

John Gorman 1936 - Comedian and comedy musician. He was one third of Scaffold who had a number of slightly silly songs in the late 1960s. Here is one such, 2 Day's Monday.

John McLaughlin 1942 - Musician. Here’s a question: Are You The One? Are You The One? [All right.  No need to repeat yourself.  I'm not deaf. - Ed.]

Rick Stein 1947 - TV chef.

Mick Mills 1949 - Footy bloke.

Mark Hollis 1955 - Musician. Talk Talk’s main man. A clip? Why not. Here’s Living in Another World.

Bernard Sumner 1956 - Musician. Frontman of New Order. Let’s have another clip. Here’s Be a Rebel.

Robin Guthrie 1962 - Musician. One time member of The Cocteau Twins who provide us with a clip. Here’s the rather beautiful Carolyn's Fingers.

Mervyn King 1966 - Bowly bloke.

Scott Howie 1972 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell, you know.

Tim Wheeler 1977 - Musician. One-third of Ash... That’s the band called Ash, he doesn’t comprise one-third ash... I’ll get me coat. Tell you what, let’s have another clip. Here’s Crashed Out Wasted.

Gary Wales 1979 - Fitba guy.

Richard Winsor 1982 - Actor. Cal Knight in Casualty.

Richard Rankin 1983 - Actor. Roger Wakefield/MacKenzie in Outlander.

James Milner 1986 - Fitba guy.

Danny Simpson 1987 - Footie bloke.

And now, let’s hear it for those famous fellows who found their way into the world on the 11th of January.

Fred Archer 1857 - Horse jockey bloke.

Mick McManus 1920 - Wrestly bloke.

How dare you suggest I use hair dye; this is bleeding Cherry Blossom, mate!

Eli Woods 1923 - Comedian, known for his stuttering delivery.

Melvyn Hayes 1935 - Actor. Gunner ‘Gloria’ Beaumont in It Ain’t Half Hot Mum.

Arthur Scargill 1938 - Trade Union leader.

Malcolm Terris 1941 - Jobbing actor. Matt Headley in When the Boat Comes In.

Henry Cecil 1943 - Horse trainery bloke.

Tony Kaye 1946 - Musician. Original keyboard player with the band Yes. Have a clip. Time for a bit of early Prog, here’s Yours Is No Disgrace.

Joe Harper 1948 - Fitba guy.

Terry Williams 1948 - Musician. Drummer with several bands including Man, so let’s have a clip from them. It’s another bit of early Prog called All Good Clean Fun.

Kim Hartman 1952 - Actress. Private Helga Geerhart in ’Allo ’Allo!

John Sessions 1953 - Comedian and actor. Dr. Alfred Prunesquallor in Gormenghast.

Phyllis Logan 1956 - Actress. Mary in The Last Bus.

Bryan Robson 1957 - Foo’y blerk laik. That was meant to be Geordie.

Adrian Heath 1961 - Footy bloke.

Melanie Hill 1962 - Actress. Siobhan McKenzie in Casualty. Used to be Mrs Sean Bean.

Jason Connery 1963 - Actor... but more famous for being son of Sean Connery and Diane Cilento.

Dave Swift 1964 - Musician. Bassist with Jools Holland’s Rhythm and Blues Orchestra.

Derek Ridell 1967 - Actor. Bernard in Boarders.

Lee Makel 1973 - Another foo’y blerk laik.

Emile Heskey 1978 - Footy bloke.

Jamelia (Davis) 1981 - Singer and actress. Let’s have another clip. Here’s Beware of the Dog.

Tom Meighan 1981 - Musician. One-time Kasabian frontman. A clip? Why not. Here’s the band’s first top ten hit, L. S. F.

Newton Faulkner 1985 - Singer songwriter. I think another clip is in order. Here’s his only UK top tenner, Dream Catch Me.

Rachel Riley 1986 - TV presenter.

Jamie Vardy 1987 - Footy bloke.

Mark Wood 1990 - Crickety bloke.

Louisa Johnson 1998 - Singer. A winner of The X Factor, she had a couple of hits on the back of it. Here’s one of them, So Good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear (the late) Mark Gramblis,

We have enjoyed the music of Talk Talk for many years. We have a question for you. Did your first studio album have a title track?

Yours loquaciously,

D. Parr, T. Sover.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Gramble time...

How did our last bet with Orkdables fare? We won. Seriously. Nae kidding. £10.66. Woo hoo! What happened? Read on

Ipswich vs Newcastle - Away win

Result - Ipswich 0 Newcastle 4

Yay!

Alexander Isak scored a hat-trick as Newcastle United thrashed Ipswich Town.

The visitors only needed 26 seconds to score after the hosts had kicked off.

Ipswich immediately sent the ball out for a throw-in, Fabian Schar played a long pass, Jacob Murphy ran down the right wing and his cross bounced off the heel of Sam Morsy with Isak firing the loose ball into the net.

The goal was originally ruled out for offside but following a lengthy check by the video assistant referee, it was given.

Murphy, who impressed throughout, added a second, shooting in off the underside of the crossbar after good work from Anthony Gordon.

Any hopes of an Ipswich comeback ended in first-half injury time when Newcastle got a third goal.

Goalkeeper Arijanet Muric tried to play out from the back and knocked a pass to Jens Cajuste inside his own penalty area, but Bruno Guimaraes intercepted and Isak had the easy task of scoring his second.

His hat-trick came nine minutes into the second half, when he prodded home into the bottom corner after more good work from Murphy.

 

Cardiff vs Sheffield Utd. - Away win

Result - Cardiff 0 Sheffield Utd. 2

Yay!

After a drab and goalless first half, the Blades moved up a gear in the second as Kieffer Moore controlled Alfie Gilchrist's cross with his chest before firing into the top corner.

The strike was as memorable as the rest of the game was forgettable, and Moore scored a second eight minutes later as he drilled in a low effort from the edge of the penalty area.

Burnley vs Watford - Home win

Result - Burnley 2 Watford 1

Yay!

The hosts hit the front early on when Zian Flemming let Josh Brownhill's left-wing cross run through for Bournemouth’s Jaidon Anthony to volley in at the back post.

Barnsley deservedly doubled their lead after the hour when slick build-up from Anthony and Hannibal Mejbri teed up Brownhill to curl a fine finish into the corner.

Watford had rarely threatened but set up a tense finish when Giorgi Chakvetadze's corner was only half-cleared to Kwadwo Baah who volleyed in.

Sunderland vs Norwich - Home win

Result - Sunderland 2 Norwich 1

Yay!

Anis Ben Slimane thumped home in a scramble to put the visitors ahead on 21 minutes but Dan Ballard headed the equaliser soon after half-time.

Norwich defender Jose Cordoba was sent off after receiving a second booking with 20 minutes remaining and Jobe Bellingham superbly curled the hosts ahead moments later.

The visitors made a positive start and Patterson made a smart save to deny Emiliano Marcondes, getting down low to his right to turn an angled shot around the post.

However, from the resultant short corner, Borja Sainz's swirling cross was nodded back into the middle at the far post by Cordoba, and Ben Slimani smashed home from close range at the second attempt after Patterson had blocked his initial stooping header on the line.

Marcelino Nunez lashed a speculative effort over the bar before Shane Duffy produced a great challenge at the other end to deny Wilson Isidor after a fine mazy run from Patrick Roberts.

The equaliser arrived within two minutes of the restart after half-time when Dennis Cirkin nodded a deep free-kick from Luke O'Nien back across goal before Eliezer Mayenda crossed back into the middle for Ballard to powerfully head in.

Sunderland piled on the pressure as they sought to complete the turnaround but Ante Crnac almost punished them against the run of play, firing a low shot past Patterson's near post from the edge of the box.

With 20 minutes remaining, Isidor robbed Nunez of possession after a free-kick and raced clear only to steer over under pressure from the back-tracking Jack Stacey, with only Gunn to beat.

Cordoba received the 10th booking of the match, and his second, soon afterwards, for raising a high boot against Chris Mepham, having received his first caution for preventing a quick free-kick in the first half.

The hosts made them pay seconds later when the resulting set-piece dropped to Cirkin, whose backheel found Bellingham on the left of the area and he showed lovely poise to take a touch inside a defender onto his right foot and curl into the far corner past Gunn from an angle.

In the closing stages, Patterson kept the lead intact with a fine save to turn City substitute Barnes' effort onto the post after a slip from Ballard, while Mayenda was twice denied a late third for Sunderland at the other end by Gunn.

 

Lincoln vs Reading - Home win

Result - Lincoln 2 Reading 0

Yay!

An early goal from Bailey Cadamarteri was added to after the break by Reeco Hackett as the Imps strolled to the most comfortable of victories.

Joel Pereira had to be alert to tip Sean Roughan's early 25-yarder over his bar as City started well, before taking an eighth-minute lead.

Roughan swung a cross in from the left, which was met by Conor McGrandles. His drilled effort was superbly saved by Pereira, but the rebound fell to Cadamarteri, who smashed the ball home.

Reading were reduced to 10 men after 37 minutes when defender Louie Holzman was shown a straight red for bringing down Ben House on the edge of his own box, but Lewis Montsma's free-kick was easily saved by Pereira.

The second half was only four minutes old when Jovon Makama's terrific run down the right saw him square the ball back to House, whose first-time shot struck the base of Pereira's right-hand upright.

House then hit Pereira's left-hand post with a speculative effort after 64 minutes as City threatened to run riot.

City doubled their lead and secured the win after 72 minutes, when Montsma's curled delivery into the box was met by the onrushing Hackett who side-footed the ball into the net.

 

 

Game - Result - Odds

Real Valladolid vs Real Betis - Away win - 13/20

Sevilla vs Valencia - Home win - 21/20

Torino vs Juventus - Away win - 10/11

St. Paul vs Eintracht Frankfurt - Away win - 11/10

FSV Mainz vs VfL Bochum - Home win - 4/6

 

The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping

£11.60

Hmm... moderately whopping.


.....oooOooo.....

Teaser time...

Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Eindhoven in 1999. A left-winger, I began my senior career at PSV in the reserve team before moving up to the first team. I joined my present club, Liverpool, at the start of 2023 for a fee of over 40 million euros. I have been capped for Netherlands 36 times.

Answer - Cody Gakpo

2. Which of these players made the most appearances for Manchester United? Paul Scholes, Gary Neville, Wayne Rooney

Answer - Paul Scholes

3. The Football League Cup is currently sponsored by Carabao Energy Drink, but which company sponsored the cup in 1981, the first year of sponsorship?

Answer - Milk Marketing Board

4. Which club is currently managed by Claudio Ranieri?

Answer - Roma

5. Which club plays home games at Station Park?

Answer - Forfar Athletic

How did you get on? Too easy? Let’s see if this week’s teasers are any harder.

1. Who am I?

I was born in Auckland in 1991. A forward, I began my senior career in New Zealand in 2006, but moved to English club West Brom in 2009. I was loaned out to a few clubs, but signed with the last of these, Leicester City in 2013. After another loan spell, this time at Ipswich, I joined Leeds United. I signed with Burnley in 2017 and was sold for a club record fee of £25 million to Newcastle. In 2023, I signed to my current club, Nottingham Forest. I have been capped 80 times for New Zealand.

2. Which player was bought by Arsenal for the highest transfer fee?

3. Who scored a perfect hat-trick (left foot, right foot, head) on the 5th of January this year?

4. Who is West Ham United’s current manager?

5. Which club plays home games at Borough Briggs?

There you have it. Have fun trying to work that lot out. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Remember the serious message...

As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK


.....oooOooo.....

 

Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).  Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. We have now smashed through the 80 thousand barrier. Yay! The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...

£82,367

 

…..oooOooo…..

 

And Finally...

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. J. Sessions, who should have been celebrating his birthday today. I hope you like this week’s finishing item from John Sessions, a comedian who, I think you will agree, was a true original. Ladeez and genullum, please enjoy this one-man show from 1988.  Unfortunately, the start of the show is missing from the recording but, if you read the comments, the beginning is explained.

 

 

 

 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.

 

Happy grambling.