Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.
Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).
If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997
Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…
Story Time
I've been to the pictures to see a film. [Really? How interesting. Yawn. - Ed.] It was what is known as a biopic. It seems to be a very popular (and profitable) way of making films these days. Especially if the subject matter is a very famous singer whether they be dead or alive. Perhaps the first of the ilk was the one about Freddie Mercury called, perhaps inevitably, Bohemian Rhapsody. Indeed, all such films tend to have a song title as their... erm... title. Thus, we had Rocket Man about Elton John, Back to Black about Amy Winehouse and One Love about Bob Marley.
The film I went to see this week was about Bob Dylan and was called Complete Unknown. Hang on, that's not a song title, I hear you say. No it isn't. Instead it is a lyric from the song Like a Rolling Stone. So now you know.
They all offer a similar experience. If you like the music of the artist concerned, there is plenty of it. If you want a depiction of times gone by, they are pretty accurate with their historical references. If you want an accurate portrayal of the subject's life story... tough. Unfortunately, because these films depict living individuals, many 'facts' are distorted to show them as nice people, whether they are or not.
Ah, I hear you say, Freddie, Amy and Bob are all dead. True, but many individuals that they had dealings with are still alive. Thus, some real scoundrels are portrayed with undue sympathy.
Anyway, as I watched this latest film about Bob Dylan, I realised that they all have (basically) the same story.
Prior to striking out for stardom, the subject of the film will be shown sitting on their bed writing songs. They will hum a few choruses of a song that we are meant to recognise, then, barely missing a beat, they sing the song in its finished form. Amazing that, isn't it?
At some point, the would-be star will meet up with somebody famous just out of the blue and proceed to sing their latest composition. The famous person or, in the case of Freddie, fellow band members, take the person under their wing in order to further their career.
Some love interest will crop up only to be spurned as the titular lead becomes more famous.
It's all a bit formulaic for cynical old me.
How does a song get churned out fully-formed without any rehearsal? One of the films (I won't say which just in case you might want to see it) had the most ludicrous moment where a musician turns up to ask if he can be part of the band. The band in question had never seen or even heard of this person before. Without any preamble, he launches into the tune the band are about to record without any prior knowledge of the song. I'm afraid I had to stifle a laugh at that point.
Also, how does a vital part of the storyline always coincide with the main character's most famous moment?
How so, I hear you ask?
Well, let's take Bohemian Rhapsody as an example. According to the film, which ended with the Live Aid concert of 1985, on the very day of Live Aid, Freddie announced to the other members of Queen that he had Aids. Also, on that same day, he took his boyfriend to have tea with his parents, who, for the purposes of the (mostly inaccurate) storyline, had hitherto refused to meet their son because of his sexuality.
Ahh, what a lovely ending. Bollocks. The problem with these films is that they take a few well-known factoids about the subject and weave them together to make as feelgood a movie as it possible to make given their totally messed up lifestyle.
Who will be the next famous singer/musician to be given the treatment?
Rod Stewart? No doubt he will be shown as a smashing wee kid who dreams of being a footballer. His hopes are dashed when he fails to be signed by a big team. Suddenly, he'll decide that he can make it as a singer. No doubt this will cause friction within his family and his dad will refuse to talk to him when he starts dressing and behaving like a mod. He'll form a band and be discovered and whisked off to stardom by John Baldry... or is it Mick Jagger? Doesn't matter, it'll be someone famous. Next, some other musician will step in... Jeff Beck? and steal him from under John/Mick's nose. He'll be an overnight sensation and Britt Ekland wants to meet him. They become a power couple but the relationship turns sour just as Rod becomes mega famous... yawn.
You could use the same script for any number of famous singers, just as an excuse to let some actor that can sing like the subject become a star... and then, you can use the same script to make a film about the actor and how they became a star... the same with the actor who plays the actor who played the singer... etc. etc. ad finitum.
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Birthday honours...
Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 1st of February? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.
Henry Briggs 1561 - Mathemetician. Improved the logarithm system invented by John Napier... You don’t what a logarithm is, do you? [Music for lumberjacks? - Ed.]
John Thornycroft 1843 - Shipbuilder and, later, manufacturer of heavy lorries.
Clara Butt 1872 - Contralto. Here’s a patriotic melody recorded 114 years ago.
Thomas Dunhill 1877 - Composer. Shall we have another little toon? Here’s The Cloths of Heaven.
Stephen Potter 1900 - Writer. Famous (in his day) for his Upmanship series which led to the 1960 film School for Scoundrels.
Stanley Matthews 1915 - Footy bloke.
Muriel Spark 1918 - Writer. The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie was one of hers.
Colin Watson 1920 - Writer. Wrote humorous detective novels, known as the Flaxborough Chronicles, which were turned into the 1977 BBC series Murder Most English.
Peter Sallis 1921 - Actor. Cleggy in Last of the Summer Wine. He also played Rodney Gloss in Murder Most English.
Pat Lally 1926 - Politician. Lord Provost of Glasgow 1995-99.
Terry Jones 1942 - Member of the Monty Python team. Need I say more.
Elisabeth Sladen 1946 - Actress. Sarah Jane Smith in Doctor Who, The Sarah Jane Adventures and K-9 and Company.
Adam Ingram 1947 - Politician who once visited me at home. Lovely chap... for a politician.
John Bowe 1950 - Actor. Duggie Ferguson in Coronation Street.
Nick Magnus 1955 - Musician. Keyboard player for Steve Hackett and co-writer of this song, Funny Feeling.
Chris Payne 1957 - Musician. Was part of Tubeway Army, Gary Numan’s band. Later formed synth-pop band Dramatis. Here is a track by Dramatis with Gary Numan on vocals duty, Love Needs No Disguise.
Kenny Morris 1957 - Musician. He was the first studio drummer with Siouxsie and the Banshees and co-wrote this track, Hong Kong Garden.
Luther Blissett 1958 - Footy bloke.
Linus Roache 1964 - Actor. Father Greg Pilkington in Priest. Bill’s lad.
Rob Lee 1966 - Footy bloke.
Paul McCole 1972 - Actor. Jimmy in High Times.
Jess Robinson 1983 - Impressionist. Her podcast Stars in Your Ears won the Best Entertainment Podcast award in 2021.
Darren Fletcher 1984 - Fitba guy.
Dean Shiels 1985 - Fitba guy.
Harry Styles 1994 - Singer songwriter and (occasional) actor. Here’s his last single, Satellite.
Okay, how about the 8th of February, anyone we know?
Lieutenant-Colonel John Theodore Cuthbert Moore-Brabazon, 1st Baron Brabazon of Tara, , HonFRPS 1884 - That is some monicker. Why is he here? Because he was the first Englishman to pilot a heavier than air machine, eye ee, a plane.
Edith Evans 1888 - Ectress. Lady Bracknell in The Importance of Being Earnest (1949). It featured her most famous moment when she utters the immortal words... A haaaandbaaaag?!!
Roger Lloyd-Pack 1944 - Actor. Trigger in Only Fools and Horses.
Carolyn Pickles 1952 - Actress. Maggie Radcliffe in Broadchurch.
Carol Harrison 1955 - Actress. Gloria in Brush Strokes.
Duncan Duff 1964 - Actor. Doc Brown in Hamish Macbeth.
Trinny Woodall 1964 - TV presenter.
Alex ‘Tattie’ Marshall 1967 - Booler.
Marc Wootton 1975 - Comedian, actor and writer. Mr Poppy in Nativity (and its follow-ups).
Abi Titmuss 1976 - Actor, television presenter and model, it says here.
Ralf Little 1980 - Actor. Dr. Neville Parker in Death in Paradise. Factoid: He was a semi-professional footballer between 2002 and 2008.
Richie Campbell 1983 - Actor. Dr. Glenn Branson in Grace.
Catherine Steadman 1983 - Actress. Mabel Lane Fox in Downton Abbey.
Charlie Edwards 1993 - Boxery bloke.
Callum Slattery 1999 - Footy Bloke. Plays for Motherwell.
I’ve received a letter...
Dear Grambly Styles,
I remember, that, before you went solo, you were in a boy band called One Cornetto or something. I know your first record went to number one, but what was the next one to top the charts?
Yours stylishly,
.....oooOooo.....
Gramble time...
How did our last bet with Erksablod fare? We won. Four out of five predictions were spot on, so we won from our £2.20 bet... cue fanfare... £3.76. Woo hoo! A profit of £1.56! Cue ‘We’re in the money’. What Happened? Read on.
Coventry vs Watford - Home win
Result - Coventry 2 Watford 1
Yay!
In a dominant first half, the hosts broke the deadlock when Victor Torp [Try saying that after a few sherbets. - Ed.] tapped home Jack Rudoni's cross from close range.
He then extended Coventry's lead in the second half with a scorching free-kick from the edge of the D but Watford responded less than 10 minutes to go through Liam Kitching's own goal.
Despite insistent pressure from the Hornets to try find an equaliser, the Sky Blues held on to win all three points.
Watford struggled to dominate possession in the opening exchanges.
Sky Blues frontman Brandon Thomas-Asante had two good chances via Torp through-balls within the first 10 minutes, the first hitting the side netting with the other pushed out by Jonathan Bond.
Torp, however, made sure to take his chance when Rudoni delivered, driving the ball down the right flank before fizzing in a low cross for Torp to slot home after 32 minutes.
Despite Watford upping their intensity at the beginning of the second half, Edo Kayembe's foul on Coventry substitute Tatsuhiro Sakamoto just outside the box gave Torp a golden platform to score again.
It proved to be at the second time of asking after his first free-kick was deemed to be blocked in the wall by Moussa Sissoko's hand.
With only 15 minutes to go, Watford rose to the occasion and responded with Sissoko's strike from the centre of the box deflecting off Sky Blues centre-half Kitching to pull one back.
Giorgi Chakvetadze then had home hearts in mouths as Coventry keeper Oliver Dovin was forced down to his left to deny him at the near post.
Bristol City vs Blackburn - Home win
Result - Bristol City 2 Blackburn 1
Yay!
Nahke Wells came off the bench to score the decisive goal against Rovers.
Set-piece specialist Scott Twine had put the Robins ahead with a first-half free-kick before Andi Weimann equalised, but Wells had the final say.
Blackburn had the game's first chance when Tyrhys Dolan tricked his way past Luke McNally into a promising position in the box but blazed the ball over the bar from a narrow angle, overlooking better-placed options in the middle.
Sinclair Armstrong looked lively early on with a couple of forward runs giving Blackburn a warning of the threat he could pose.
In the 10th minute, Danny Batth brought him down and conceded the free-kick which earned the defender a booking and led to the hosts' opening goal.
The set-piece was in an ideal position for Twine, who curled his effort perfectly over the wall and into Aynsley Pears' bottom corner.
John Buckley then presented Twine with another free-kick opportunity when he was caught in possession just outside his area and fouled Jason Knight as he tried to salvage the situation.
Twine hit the wall this time but Blackburn failed to properly clear their lines and he struck a follow-up effort from long range just wide.
Blackburn eventually regained their composure after that shaky period and scored an equaliser they deserved for their first-half efforts five minutes before half-time.
Dolan got down the right hand side, his deep cross was headed against the post by Makhtar Gueye but Weimann was quickest to react when he nodded in the rebound from close range.
Pears then rushed off his line and saved brilliantly from Anis Mehmeti to ensure Rovers went in level at the break.
The visitors made another strong start to the half after the restart. Dolan saw his next attempt blocked before Dominic Hyam attempted to flick in a cross but just failed to make contact.
In between those two Blackburn attempts, Twine fired a dipping effort over and the hosts went even closer just after the hour.
Robins head coach Liam Manning replaced Armstrong with Wells in the 61st minute and the substitute striker almost had an instant impact.
Max Bird put him through with a ball over the top, he took a touch to control the ball before lobbing Pears but Callum Brittain got back just in time to clear before the ball crossed the line.
But Wells was not to be denied. In the 77th minute he was played in on goal again by fellow sub Joe Williams and this time he did find the net after his low effort took a touch off Hyam.
Barnsley vs Stevenage - Home win
Result - Barnsley 0 Stevenage 1
Boo!
Dan Kemp struck the winner in time added on to give Stevenage victory at Barnsley.
Jordan Roberts went close for the visitors early on, intercepting a Barnsley throw-in and firing in a deflected shot which was well saved by Ben Killip, who tipped the ball over.
When Jake Young found some space inside the area, Killip came to Barnsley's rescue with a solid stop.
Davis Keillor-Dunn tried a shot from distance which went wide of Murphy Cooper's right-hand post.
Killip claimed the ball comfortably after Daniel Phillips' effort bounced off the turf and into his hands.
Kemp then tried a shot from distance which flew wide of the target.
Jamie Reid wasted a great opening for the visitors, slicing his shot wide from a good position after receiving the ball inside the area from Kemp.
Killip made a good save, turning over Eli King's long-range effort.
Two minutes into added time, Kemp met Luther James-Wildin's cross with a far-post header to give Stevenage all three points.
Incidentally, would you like to know Stevenage manager, Alex Revell’s thoughts after the game? Of course you would.
‘We have to take the chances that we get, and if we do we'll score more.’
To quote John Cleese in Fawlty Towers... You should be on Mastermind; specialist subject, the bleeding obvious.
West Brom vs Portsmouth - Home win
Result - West Brom 5 Portsmouth 1
Yay!
Alex Mowatt open the scoring with a low strike.
Grady Diangana doubled the Baggies' lead after a parry from Portsmouth keeper Nicholas Schmid fell into his path.
Captain Jed Wallace made it 3-0 before Diangana pounced for four before half-time and John Swift scored a fifth in the second half to add to Portsmouth's miseries.
The Blues notched a late consolation goal throug Thomas Waddingham with the last kick of the game.
Portsmouth went closest early on as striker Colby Bishop flicked the ball into the path of Andre Dozzell whose effort on the half-volley was well saved.
Moments later, Swift attempted to curl a shot into the far corner but Schmid made the save and Diangana then launched an effort that flew just wide.
The hosts then took the lead through Mowatt.
He received the ball outside the box and struck a thunderous low drive into the bottom right-hand corner that Schmid managed to get a hand to but could not keep out.
The hosts soon doubled their lead as Mikey Johnston beat two defenders before launching a shot at goal. Schmid saved but his parry only went as far as the waiting Diangana.
Diangana then turned provider, laying the ball off to Wallace, who carried on his run into the penalty area before slotting the ball home and wheeling off in celebration.
The damage got even worse for Portsmouth just before the break as Diangana was played in by Mason Holgate and made no mistake.
Swift added a fifth just before the hour mark as the midfielder received the ball in space on the edge of the box and sent it into the top corner via a deflection.
With just over 10 minutes remaining, Albion almost had a sixth as Tom Fellows was played through one-on-one with just Schmid to beat but was unable to find a finish.
Portsmouth did eventually score with the final kick of the game as Waddingham came on as a sub and fired home at the second attempt after a low cross from the right.
Wigan vs Bristol Rovers - Home win
Result - Wigan vs Bristol Rovers
Yay!
Wigan got off to a flyer as James Carragher [The Jamie Carragher? Surely he can’t still be playing. - Ed.] headed them into a sixth-minute lead after he was found by Joseph Hungbo's pinpoint free-kick from the right.
Dale Taylor fired just wide from 25 yards before slack play at the back gave Rovers their first sight of goal, only for Gatlin O'Donkor (Definitely wins this week’s Cracking Name of the Week prize.) to fire straight at Sam Tickle.
The precarious nature of the one-goal lead was shown again when Lino Sousa's cross found O'Donkor and Wigan were indebted to Tickle for making a stunning save at point-blank range.
Wigan nerves were eased 20 minutes from time when some catastrophic defending from Rovers allowed Taylor to tee up substitute Jonny Smith.
It should have been 3-0 moments later, only for Thelo Aasgaard to smash a shot against the bar from 12 yards.
Okeydokey, that was last time out, but what has The Grambler come up with this week?
Game - Result - Odds
Norwich vs Derby - Home win - 8/11
Stockport vs Barnsley - Home win - 17/20
Burton vs Blackpool - Away win - 23/20
Lincoln vs Cambridge - Home win - 17/20
Salford vs Tranmere - Home win - 8/11
The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping
£11.38
£11.38? Whopping... ish.
.....oooOooo.....
Teaser time...
Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.
1. Who am I?
I was born in Amsterdam in 1999. A winger, I began my senior career at Jong Ajax, then Ajax before being transferred to Roma. During my time with them, I was loaned out to Leipzig, Nice and Valencia. In 2023, I was transferred to my current club, AFC Bournemouth. I have already scored two hat-tricks this season, although in the first of these all three goals were scored from the penalty. I come from a famous footballing family; my father and grandfather were both internationalists.
Answer - Justin Kluivert
2. Manchester City right back Kyle Walker has been loaned out to which club?
Answer - AC Milan
3. Which club has won the Europa League title the most times?
Answer - Sevilla (7 wins)
4. With which club did Denis Law begin his senior career?
Answer - Huddersfield Town
5. Which club plays its home games at the New York Stadium?
Answer - Rotherham
Let’s have five for this week.
1. Who am I?
I was born in Glasgow in 1969. A midfielder, I began my senior career at St. Mirren. After seven seasons with them, I moved to Motherwell, then Borussia Dortmund (winning a UEFA Champions League title) and then Celtic. I ended my playing career at Livingston as a player/manager. I then went on to manage... deep breath... Wycombe Wanderers, Colchester United, Norwich City, Aston Villa, Blackburn Rovers, Wolverhampton Wanderers, Stoke City and Ipswich Town. I was capped for Scotland 40 times.
2. Sevilla was an answer last time out. They also won the earlier UEFA Cup, before it became the Europa League. Name the two other clubs that have also won both competitions.
3. Which English club won the UEFA Cup in 1980-81?
4. At the time of writing, who has scored the most Premier League goals this season?
5. Which club plays home games at Bayview Stadium?
There you have it. Have fun trying to work that lot out. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.
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Remember the serious message...
As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK
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Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s). Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. We have now smashed through the 80 thousand barrier. Yay! The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...
£83,602
…..oooOooo…..
And Finally...
And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. T. Jones who is involved in this week’s finishing clip. Terry Jones, you probably know, was a member of the group known as simply ‘The Pythons’. He was the director behind the films Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Life of Brian (where he also played Brian’s mum among other characters) and The Meaning of Life. Sadly, he died from dementia in 2020. The clip I have chosen to give you this week, shows his skill as a director and choreographer. Ladeez and genullum please enjoy Camelot: Knights of the Round Table (Monty Python and the Holy Grail) with Lyrics
That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.
Happy grambling.