Friday, 19 December 2014

Week 20 - Merry Gramblemas to both our readers


Stewart was an amazing person -  A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle.  He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and will be missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good.  We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer.  If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

 

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent.  It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

 

His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige.  Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…

 

Dear Mr Grimsdale,

I have been told that there is only one team from Kent in the football league.  Surely there must be more than one.  Who is this lone Kent club?  Do you know?

Yours, etc.

Jill Ingham.


It’s been done before and no doubt will be done again, but let’s have thegrambler.com’s version of the old favourite…

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
12 large brandies
11 gin and tonics
10 cans of lager
9 nips of whisky
8 tawny ports
7 bloody Marys
6 slugs of buckfast
5 MO - JI - TOS
4 Jaeger bombs
3 dark rums
2 large wines
and an ambulance to A and E.

Or...


Gramblemas is coming
The goose is getting fat
Please put a couple of quid in The Grambler's Kick Cancer's Backside Fund at the justgiving page https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3
If you haven't got a couple of quid
A quid won't do because the minimum donation is two pounds
If you haven't got a quid then God bless you


Ah yes the old Gramblemas rhyme brought up to date.  Although perhaps goose should be replaced by turkey as it is the most common meal at Gramblemas time.  In fact I can't ever remember anyone having goose as their Gramblemas meal.  Indeed in all my years on this planet I don't recall even tasting goose. Chicken and turkey yes but not goose.  I've even tried guinea fowl, duck and pheasant but definitely not goosey goosey gander.

Mrs G did follow ms Lawson's advice a few years ago of roasting potatoes in goose fat.  The result was not worth the effort of tracking down a supplier of said fat.  I think old Nigella had shares in a company that sold the stuff because to my palate there was little difference between potatoes cooked in goose fat and those done in common lard.

Geese must have been popular many years ago because they feature heavily in nursery rhymes - see above - and pantomimes.  Mother goose, Jack and the beanstalk are two that comes to mind.  And sayings.  Don't kill the goose that lays the golden egg. That's one.  One that has always intrigued me is  - You wouldn't say boo to a goose.  Well, who would?  I can't imagine anyone having either the need or the inclination to do such a thing.  Probably there are many folk around who, whenever they are close to a goose, will shout out boo very loudly, just for the hell of it. There must be some traumatised geese in any town that has a river running through it.

Changing the subject totally, but sticking with Gramblemas (sort of), there has been a story doing the rounds recently, which has been reported as fact by the maily dail, that one in five children think Jesus plays for Chelsea.  What palpable nonsense.  For a start I doubt if one in five children even know there is a team called Chelsea. How many children were asked the question of who is Jesus?  Thousands? Hundreds? I suspect the answer is five and one of them had a sense of humour.  Jesus plays for Chelsea indeed! In fact there's only one Mexican player in Chelsea's squad and his name is Ulises Davila. And he's out on loan at the moment.

Isn’t it just typical of the reporting standards of the Maily Dail?  Facts?  Don’t bother with facts, just fill the newspaper with any old story found on line.  Never mind that it is obvious bollocks!  There is another reason I hate the comic that is the Maily Dail – Jamie Carragher ‘writes’ a column for it.

Let’s move on before I blow a gasket.  Any birthdays to report?  Why yes, this lot were all born on the 20th of December - Samuel Mudd 1833 (don’t mention him), Dan Leno 1860 (inventor of floor covering), Harvey Firestone 1868 (related to Fred and Wilma), Uri Geller 1946 (bender), Jenny Agutter 1952 (railway child), Billy Bragg 1957 (card game), Ashley Cole 1980 (text messaging specialist) and Fitz Hall 1980 (footie bloke whose nickname is one-size).  Nobody in amongst that lot ever had any hits to gramblerise.  Surely we can’t go two weeks running without a toon.

Well, there was a very sad event on the 20th of December 1973.  Walden Robert Cassotto died aged just 37.  Who?  You know him better as Bobby Darin.  Or maybe you don’t.  He had a few hits in the fifties and early sixties; must be something we can gramblerise.

Somewhere, beyond the sea
Somewhere, grambling for me
My grambler stands on golden sand
And watches the ships
That go grambling

Somewhere, beyond the sea
She's there, grambling for me
If I could fly like birds on high
Then straight to her heart
I'll go grambling  etc. etc.

How did our grambling bet fare last week?  Did it win?  Sort of.  From our stake of £2.20 we got a return of £1.77.  Better than last week, but still not good enough.  What happened?  Read on.

Bolton vs Ipswich – Prediction Away win

Result – Bolton 0 Ipswich 0

Ooh! ‘It the bar!

Ipswich Town missed the chance to go top of the Championship but extended their unbeaten run to eight games with a goalless draw at in-form Bolton.

Midfielder Jay ‘Pull’ Tabb had their two best opportunities after half-time, but a close-range shot and a header were both kept out by goalkeeper Andy ‘Donnie’ Lonergan.

Watford vs Wigan – Prediction Home win

Result – Watford 2 Wigan 1

Yay!

Troy Deeney scored twice as Watford condemned struggling Wigan to a third-successive Championship defeat.

The striker opened the scoring with a low finish but Chris McCann headed in an equaliser on the stroke of half time.

Ben Watson went close with a header as Wigan improved in the second half, but Deeney nodded in a late winner.

Oldham vs Yeovil – Prediction Home win

Result – Oldham 0 Yeovil 4

Hmm…possibly the most utterly wrong prediction by The Grambler, ever.

The Glovers took the lead when Stephen Arthurworrey fired in after seeing his initial header come back off the post.

Simon Gillett's right-footed effort made it two, before a defensive error from Genseric Kusunga – What do you reckon?  Contender for cracking name of the week? - allowed Sam Hoskins to shoot past Paddy Kenny.

A miserable afternoon for Oldham was complete when Kieffer Moore fired home from outside the box in injury time.

Bristol City vs Crawley – Prediction Home win

Result – Bristol City 1 Crawley 0

Wahey!

Luke Ayling struck a late winner to keep Bristol City at the top of the League One table.

The defender drilled a volley past Crawley goalkeeper Lewis Price from a tight angle with just three minutes of normal time remaining.
 


Panic sets in as Luke Ayling realises that his teeth have been super-glued together


Burton vs Hartlepool – Prediction Home win

Result – Burton 4 Hartlepool 0

Woohoo!

The visitors fell behind to Alex MacDonald's angled shot at the very end of the first half.

Jacob Blyth set up MacDonald to double the lead from eight yards a minute after the break and Shane Cansdell-Sherriff's header made it three.

Stuart Beavon netted a fourth from 12 yards to complete a good afternoon’s work.

 

So there you have it my little gramblerinis, three out of five right and we still can’t get into profit thanks to shocking odds.  Never mind, let’s see what The Grambler has in store for us this week.  There are 56 games taking place in the English and Scottish senior leagues this Saturday, the 20th of December at 3pm.  Plenty for The Grambler to choose from.  So what has he/she/it come up with?  The games are…

Game – Result – Odds

Aston Villa vs Man Utd – Prediction Away win – 8/13

Crewe vs Bristol City – Prediction Away win – 8/13

Swindon vs Doncaster – Prediction Home win – 4/5

Hartlepool vs Oxford – Prediction Away win – 21/20

Raith Rovers vs Hibs – Prediction Away win – 5/6

Oh dear.  Four aways.  Oh dear.  If, by some miracle, the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the bet (10 x 20 pees doubles plus 1 x 20 pees accumulator) will win for the Bobby Moore Fund (via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside Fund) the amazingly amazing total of…

£9.87

Wow!  That really is… Nine quids 87 pees?  That’s a bit rubbish.  Still, if it comes up… it’ll be a first.

Now it’s time for the answer to last week’s teaser.  I asked what record in the Premiershit did the weekends 2/3 December 1995 and 23/24 September 2000 share.  The answer?  Each of those weekends threw up the most draws in a Premiershit 10 game fixture list; seven out of ten matches played.

And now a teaser for this week.  Who was the first non-British manager to win a major trophy in English football?  An easy one there, I think.  You should get that without even having to refer to Googlie.

And finally, Cyril?  And finally Esther, British TV has certain programmes which get shown every Gramblemas.  Raymond Briggs’ The Snowman, for example.  Other countries have their own favourite programmes which just have to be shown or else Gramblemas just wouldn't seem right.  Who would have thought an old British music hall comedian would provide the most popular festive treat in Germany.  Ladeez and genullum, I give you Dinner for One

 

Merry Gramblemas.

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