Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.
Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside (cancerresearchuk.org).
If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997
Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…
Story Time
You may have been wondering why your favourite ill-informed has not been around for a few weeks. Oh. You weren't. What do you mean, you never noticed? Well, it hasn't and you should have. (Pulls grumpy face.)
Any road up, the reason for its absence is that Mrs G and I have been on one of our jaunts. Yes, we decided we couldn't abide this freezing cold weather and took ourselves off to sunnier climes for a wonderful week of warm weather welaxation... sorry, relaxation.
We spent the week with friends who rent an apartment at the same resort in Tenerife each year. We were there last year, so knew what to expect.
Normally, we don't go to
the same place twice [Is that because the authorities wouldn't let you? - Ed.] but on this occasion, we were looking forward to doing some of the things we had done last time we were there.
These usually revolve around eating and drinking rather than more exciting activities such as paragliding and diving.
Our first revisit was to a cafe that provided the best churros on the island... You don't know what churros are, do you? Think of a straightened out doughnut and you'd be close. However, instead of being coated in sugar, these come with a cup of hot chocolate sauce for dipping. Mmm... Oh, I've just dribbled down my shirt.
The little cafe that served these delights was quite a drive away from where we were staying, but such was the sheer deliciousness of those churros, it was worth visiting.
If you have ever driven the roads of Tenerife, you will know that there are some spectacular views on offer. There are also some spectacular accidents to be had if you misjudge
a hairpin bend. Luckily, I wasn't driving. My mate was, and he is pretty experienced at driving these treacherous roads.
After some fantastic views and some scary moments, we felt we deserved our calorie-laden treats.
After parking the car, we were almost salivating as we sought out the cafe which served the delightful doughnutty delicacies to find...
What do you mean it's shut! It can't be shut! We've just driven miles to eat here! No. Crepes in the cafe next door won't do!
Okay, that reaction was not what happened. But the cafe was shut and we were very disappointed. Not only was it closed, but it looked as if the business no longer existed. What a shame.
No matter. There were other places we could repeat some happy cake-consuming moments. There was one particular cafe which was near the port where we were staying and it served a very nice cup of coffee and some very acceptable cakes.
After our recent disappointment, we headed for that.
Guess what. Yep. Shut. Another business gone.
Sadly, it is the way of these holiday resorts. It is all very well having a decent product to sell but, if you can't attract enough people to buy it, you will fail.
We
had one memory we were desperate to experience again and this was one which we reckoned was the least likely to still be in existence.
This was not a cafe renowned for sticky treats, but a bar and restaurant which provided excellent service with the added bonus of having live music every night of the week.
One reason we didn't expect it to be there was that it was in an awkward setting. Basically, it was all in the open air. Fine, in such a climate, you would think. However, there was another factor which might affect its survival. Noise pollution
Last year, the owner of the establishment, who just happened to be an excellent singer in his own right having nailed Knocking on Heaven's Door, announced that the bar had just been through a very bad couple of months because there had been complaints from local residents about the music and he was worried that the place might have to close.
Because of that, we feared the worst. As we neared the venue, we could hear music. Was it still open? Yes it was. Yay!
We had a great evening there enjoying the live act and we were also treated to the bar owner doing a useful Joe Cocker impersonation. Brilliant. At last, we had found a place that was just as we remembered it.
Unfortunately, it was a little too much as we remembered it. How so, I hear you ask.
After singing, the owner announced that the bar had just been through a bad couple of months...
He actually repeated his last year's plea word for word.
Hmm. A touch of unwanted deja vu, methinks.
.....oooOooo.....
Birthday honours...
Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we? Were any famous or not so well-known individuals born on the 15th of February? Of course there were. Here are some that even I have heard of.
Ernest Shackleton 1874 - Explorer.
Henry Bateman 1887 - Cartoonist. Famous his ‘The man who...’ series of cartoons for the satirical magazine Punch.
Sidney Gilliat 1908 - Film director, producer and writer.
Charlie Cairoli 1910 - Clown
Sam Kidd 1915 - Actor. Orlando O’Connor in Crane and its spinoff series Orlando. Credits on IMDb? Are you ready for this? 344. Wow!
Ronnie Aldrich 1916 - Pianist, conductor and composer. His approach was very much ‘easy-listening’ and he recorded many hits of the day in this style. Shall we have a clip? Yes, why not. Here’s his take on Last Tango in Paris. Ooer, missus!
Graham Hill 1929 - Motor racey bloke.
Gerald Harper 1929 - Actor. Adam Adamant in Adam Adamant Lives! which is (probably) where Mike Myers got his inspiration for his Austin Powers character.
Claire Bloom 1931 - Actress. Margaret Ellingham in Doc Martin. Apparently, she is still working at the age of 94. Wow... again.
Troy Kennedy Martin 1932 - TV and film screenwriter. He wrote the screenplay for the original version of The Italian Job. So, it’s thanks to him that we have (arguably) Michael Caine’s most famous line, ‘You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!’
Jimmy Bloomfield 1934 - Footy bloke.
Glyn Johns 1942 - Recording engineer and record producer.
Mick Avory 1944 - Musician. Famously, the drummer with The Kinks. Have a clip. Here’s The Village Green Preservation Society.
John Helliwell 1945 - Musician. Saxophonist (and concert MC) for Supertramp. Would you like a clip? Of course you would. Here’s Give a Little Bit.
Clare Short 1946 - Politician.
Keith Gemmell 1948 - Musician. Another saxophonist. He was a member of the band called Audience. Another clip, vicar? No problem. Here’s Indian Summer.
Billy Nicholls 1949 - Singer songwriter. Here’s a rather pleasant toon, Feeling Easy.
Jane Seymour 1951 - Actress and third wife of Henry VIII. Bella Wilfer in Our Mutual Friend (1976 TV series).
Norman Watt-Roy 1951 - Musician. Bass player with Ian Dury and the Blockheads. Let’s have another clip. Reasons to be Cheerful, Part 3.
Adam Boulton 1959 - Journalist and broadcaster.
Ali Campbell 1959 - Musician and the original singer with UB40. Time for a clip. Here’s Maybe Tomorrow.
Martin Rowson 1959 - Political cartoonist.
David Corkill 1960 - Booly blook, so he is.
Mikey Craig 1960 - Musician. Bassist with Culture Club. Another clip? Here goes. This is a live version of Church of the Poison Mind.
Francis Wright aka Felix 1973 - Producer and DJ. He had a couple of hits back in the 90s. Here’s Don't You Want Me.
Scott Severin 1979 - Fitba guy.
Don Cowie 1983 - Fitba guy.
Ben Foakes 1993 - Crickety bloke.
George Russell 1998 - Racy car bloke.
George Hirst 1999 - Footy bloke.
Now then, what about the 22nd of February? There must have been a few famous folk born on that date.
Robert Baden-Powell 1857 - Military man. Famous for his Scouting for Boys. [That is a very old gag. - Ed.] I do apologise. He was the founder of the Scout Movement.
Frances Balfour 1858 - Suffragist. In case you were wondering, suffragists and suffragettes were entirely different groups formed to gain the vote for women. Suffragists, unlike suffragettes, used non-violent means to attain their goal.
Eric Gill 1882 - Artist associated with the Arts and Crafts movement. Famous for a typeface - This one.
Olave Baden-Powell 1889 - The first Chief Guide (as in girl-guides) of Britain. Married to Bob (see above). 32 years? Blibbing flip!
John Mills 1908 - Actor. Willie Mossop in Hobson’s Choice.
Bill Boddy 1913 - Motorsport journalist.
William Wolfe 1924 - Politician. Leader of the Scottish National Party from 1969-1979.
Kenneth Williams 1926 - Actor and comedian. Dr. Kenneth Tinkle in Carry On Doctor. Oooh matron!
Billy Dainty 1927 - Comedian whose entire act seemed to be a daft walk. Here he is with Dickie Henderson and Max Wall doing just that.
Bruce Forsyth 1928 - Presenter, actor, comedian, dancer and singer it says here.
Katherine, Duchess of Kent 1933 - The well=known... erm... duchess.
Bobby Smith 1933 - Footy bloke.
Sheila Hancock 1933 - Actress. Gwendolen Hartley in Fortysomething. She was actually seventy something at the time, so I’m guessing the title wasn’t referring to her.
Jonathan Cecil 1939 - Jobbing actor. His face made him perfect for silly-ass types. Mr Herbert in Oh Happy Band.
Judy Cornwell 1940 - Actress. Daisy in Keeping Up Appearances.
Christine Keeler 1942 - Model and showgirl. or should that be... heh heh... show... heh heh... and tell girl. [You do realise that not everyone knows about her involvement in what became known as the Profumo affair so they might not understand what you are finding funny. - Ed.] No, I hadn’t thought of that. May I direct you good people out in gramblerland to Wikipedia? They do a much better job than I can. [You’re telling me! - Ed.]
Mick Green 1944 - Musician. A Pirate and a Dakota. Have a clip. Here’s Trains and Boats and Planes.
John Radford 1947 - Footy bloke.
Neil Megson aka Genesis P-Orridge 1950 - Singer-songwriter, musician, poet, writer, performance artist it says here.
Julie Walters 1950 - Actress and national treasure. Mrs Bird in Paddington Goes to Peru.
Nigel Planer 1953 - Actor, writer and musician. Famous as Neil in The Young Ones and, in that persona, he had a hit record. Here’s Hole In My Shoe.
Geoffrey Perkins 1953 - Writer and producer.
Graham Lewis 1953 - Musician. Bassist with Wire. Have another clip. Here’s Kidney Bingos.
Robert Bathurst 1957 - Actor. David Marsden in Cold Feet.
Gordon Kennedy 1958 - Actor. Little John in Robin Hood (2006-09 TV series).
Devon Malcolm 1963 - Crickety bloke.
John Leslie 1965 - TV presenter.
Jamie Dolan 1969 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell, you know.
Shaka Hislop 1969 - Footy bloke.
James Blunt 1974 - Singer-songwriter. A clip? Let’s see what there is... Here’s Bonfire Heart.
Chris Moyles 1974 - DJ.
Jack McMullen 1991 - Actor. Daniel in Time.
Ryan Christie 1995 - Fitba guy.
And now, March the 1st.
Lytton Strachey 1880 - Writer. Founding member of the ‘Bloomsbury Group’.
Doris Hare 1905 - Actress. Mum in On the Buses.
David Niven 1910 - Actor. Peter Carter in A Matter of Life and Death.
Tom Keating 1917 - Art restorer and forger.
Roger Delgado 1918 - Actor. The (original) Master in Doctor Who.
Reg Harris 1920 - Bike ridery bloke.
Michael Flanders 1922 - Writer and performer.
John Comer 1924 - Actor. Les Brandon in I Didn’t Know You Cared.
David Broome 1940 - Horse jumpy bloke.
Michael Giles 1942 - Musician. Drummer with Giles, Giles and Fripp and King Crimson. He also worked with Anthony Phillips, so please enjoy the rather delicate Moonshooter.
Roger Daltrey 1944 - Singer. Shall we have a Who track? I think so. Here’s Won't Get Fooled Again.
Mike d’Abo 1944 - Singer and songwriter. Gained fame as vocalist with Manfred Mann after the departure of Paul Jones. Have a clip. Here’s The Mighty Quinn. Factoid: He composed ‘Handbags and Gladrags’ and ‘Build Me Up Buttercup’.
Tony Ashton 1945 - Musician. Found fame as part of Ashton, Gardner and Dyke with this, Resurrection Shuffle.
Mike Read 1947 - DJ and musician [Musician? Really? - Ed.] He wrote and performed this under the guise of the Trainspotters, High Rise.
Karl Johnson 1948 - Actor. Reg in Mum.
Martin O’Neill 1952 - Foody blook, so he is.
Nik Kershaw 1958 - Musician. He’s had a hit or two, as well as writing for others. Who can forget Chesney Hawkes? [Everyone. - Ed.] Have a clip. Here’s Elisabeth's Eyes.
Sean Gilder 1964 - Actor. Paddy Maguire in Shameless.
Fraser Wishart 1965 - Fitba guy.
Paul Hollywood 1966 - TV cook.
Jackie Brambles 1967 - DJ.
Dafydd Ieuan 1969 - Musician. A Super Furry Animal. Here he is bashing the drums on Something 4 The Weekend.
Jack Davenport 1973 - Actor. Norrington in a couple of Pirates of the Caribbean films.
I’ve received a letter...
Dear John Grambliwell,
It was very nice to hear a tune from your little beat combo, Supertramp. We have a question for you. What was Supertramp’s best performing single?
Yours rationally,
.....oooOooo.....
Gramble time...
How did our last bet with Reksablod fare? We won. Only kidding. Two out of five predictions were correct so we won just 64 pees for our £2.20 stake. Ah well, ne’er mind, eh. What happened? Read on.
Game - Result - Odds
Norwich vs Derby - Home win
Result - Norwich 1 Derby 1
Ooh! ’It the woodwork!
Substitute Jerry Yates slotted home an injury-time penalty to give the Rams a point, their first since the 26th of December.
Josh Sargent's delightful second-half strike seemed set to earn the hosts the win, but Derby showed commendable spirit to salvage a point in controversial circumstances.
As the game entered stoppage time, Norwich defender Jack Stacey was adjudged to have caught Marcus Harness with a high boot and Yates sent keeper Angus Gunn the wrong way from the spot to stop the Canaries moving up to sixth.
Derby then withstood strong home pressure during seven minutes of added time to pick up the point.
Stockport vs Barnsley - Home win
Result - Stockport 2 Barnsley 1
Yay!
Quickfire first-half goals from Isaac Olaofe and, then, Will Collar, from the penalty spot, gave County the win.
After a quiet start to the game, a brilliant incisive through-ball from Lewis Bate put Olaofe in on goal and the front-man clinically fired home to ignite the contest on 31 minutes.
Three minutes later the hosts were awarded a penalty when Kyle Knoyle was clipped by Josh Earl in the box and midfielder Collar duly dispatched his spot-kick down the left.
Stockport's Ben Hinchliffe was the busier of the goalkeepers in the second half as he kept out long-range efforts from Adam Phillips and Davis Keillor-Dunn.
Keillor-Dunn pulled a goal back for Barnsley in the 90th minute as he was left unmarked at the back post and fired in off the post but it proved to be only a consolation.
Burton vs Blackpool - Away win
Result - Burton 1 Blackpool 1
Ooh! ’It the woodwork again!
Albie Morgan scored a stoppage-time equaliser for Blackpool as they denied Burton the win in a 1-1 draw at the Pirelli Stadium.
The Brewers had looked set for a precious three points thanks to Rumarn Burrell's 19th-minute opener.
A superb first touch took him away from his marker as he latched on to Jon Dadi Bodvarsson's (Cracking name of the week for sure.) flick and the striker coolly chipped the advancing Harry Tyrer to put the Brewers in front.
Burrell almost had a second from the same spot later in the first half, but this time Tyrer was able to parry his effort to safety.
Blackpool came out strongly after half-time and Ashley Fletcher was denied by a timely intervention from Jack Armer.
Burrell had a glorious chance to seal victory after 83 minutes when he was sent racing clear by substitute James Jones, but Tyrer produced a good save again.
Blackpool kept pushing and were rewarded when Morgan flicked home a header from Sami Silvera's left-wing cross four minutes into added time.
Lincoln vs Cambridge - Home win
Result - Lincoln 1 Cambridge 1
What?! ’It the bar again!
Lincoln's Joe Gardner had a debut to forget as he was sent off as the Imps were held to a draw by Cambridge.
The Nottingham Forest teenager was on the pitch for just four minutes before being shown a red card for a collision with James Brophy.
The Imps missed a good chance after Freddie Draper's effort was cancelled out by James Gibbons.
Cambridge's Nathan Bishop made a good save to keep out Draper's early effort.
But the striker made no mistake as he poked home a rebound in the 17th minute after another shot was blocked.
Kelland Watts did well to clear an effort off the U's line after a mix up at the back before Gibbons' deflected strike restored parity on the stroke of half-time.
After the break, Josh Stokes should have done better when he headed straight at Imps' stopper Zach Jeacock from point-blank range.
Lincoln's hopes of a late winner were dashed when Gardner was sent off.
The U's nearly nicked it at the end when Watts saw his free header denied by Jeacock.
Salford vs Tranmere - Home win
Result - Salford 2 Tranmere 0
Yay!
Hakeeb Adelakun scored a brace as Salford battled to a convincing victory over Tranmere.
Chasing their first win in five League Two games, Salford started brightly and missed a gilt-edged chance to take the lead after three minutes when Kylian Kouassi fired wide clean through on goal.
Tranmere grew into the contest and came close to opening the scoring as Jake Garrett's well-struck free-kick was tipped around the post by Jamie Jones before the midfielder was off target with his effort from the resulting corner.
On the back of a largely uneventful first half, the game then burst into life four minutes after the restart when Luke Garbutt saw his top corner-bound free-kick saved by a full-stretch Luke McGee.
However, the visitors' reprieve was to be short-lived as, moments later, Adelakun capitalised on indecisive Tranmere defending to sweep home coolly.
Eleven minutes later, the attacker struck low past McGee to double his tally and give Salford a deserved two-goal cushion.
Only a great reaction save prevented Cole Stockton from adding a third for Salford.
Game - Result - Odds
Q.P.R. v Sheffield United - Away win - 13/10
Bristol Rovers v Rotherham United - Away win - Evens
Wigan Athletic v Reading - Home win - Evens
Peterborough United v Shrewsbury Town - Home win - Evens
AFC Wimbledon v Bromley FC - Home win - 3/4
The bets have been placed - Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping
£14.50
Too whopping by far.
.....oooOooo.....
Teaser time...
Yay! How did you get on with the five teasers set last time? Here are the answers.
1. Who am I?
I was born in Glasgow in 1969. A midfielder, I began my senior career at St. Mirren. After seven seasons with them, I moved to Motherwell, then Borussia Dortmund (winning a UEFA Champions League title) and then Celtic. I ended my playing career at Livingston as a player/manager. I then went on to manage... deep breath... Wycombe Wanderers, Colchester United, Norwich City, Aston Villa, Blackburn Rovers, Wolverhampton Wanderers, Stoke City and Ipswich Town. I was capped for Scotland 40 times.
Answer - Paul Lambert
2. Name the two clubs other than Sevilla that have also won both the UEFA Cup and Europa League.
Answer - Porto and Eintracht Frankfurt
3. Which English club won the UEFA Cup in 1980-81?
Answer - Ipswich Town
4. At the time of writing, who has scored the most Premier League goals this season?
Answer - Mohamed Salah
5. Which club plays home games at Bayview Stadium?
Answer - East Fife
Five for this week? Go on, then...
1. Who am I?
I was born in Nottingham in 2001. A forward, I began my senior career at Nottingham Forest. During my time with them, I was loaned out to Lincoln City before being transferred to my present club, Tottenham Hotspur for a fee of £47.5 million. I was capped for England U16 and U17 sides, but changed my allegiance to Wales (my mother is Welsh) and have been capped 33 times. Factoid: My father, David, was also a professional footballer, playing most of his career at Bury, Ipswich Town and Nottingham Forest.
2. Talking of Ipswich, which player has made the most appearances for Ipswich Town?
3. Currently vacant, the Chelsea number 9 shirt was last worn by which player?
4. Which are the only two clubs to have won the Football League Cup and the FA Cup in the same season?
5. A daft one to finish. Which teams in the English senior leagues have a stadium with the word ‘saint’ in its name?
There you have it. Have fun trying to work that lot out. As always, try and answer them before shouting out Hey Googly, Syria or Alexis. Please feel free to pass on the link to your pals so that they can enjoy The Grambler’s footy teasers too.
.....oooOooo.....
Remember the serious message...
As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of (the already mentioned) Never Too Young | Bowel Cancer UK
.....oooOooo.....
Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s). Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4. The amount quoted is miles out of date. We have now smashed through the 80 thousand barrier. Yay! The total raised for the Bobby Moore Fund now stands at...
£83,612
…..oooOooo…..
And Finally...
And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. M. Flanders who, with partner Donald Swann provides us with this week’s finishing clip. Flanders and Swann were popular in the 1950s performing in their own musical reviews which included amusing but wordy novelty songs. How about this? A Transport of Delight. Hmm, a bit dated... when did you last meet a bus conductor?
That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.
Happy grambling.
No comments:
Post a Comment