The Grambler is the brainchild of Stewart David Smith, who lost his wonderful life to Colorectal,
or Bowel, cancer aged just 28. He fought a horrendous battle for 2 years
and 1 month, defeating septicemia, multi-organ failure, antibiotic-induced
hearing loss, kidney failure and countless other complications with a bravery
none of us will ever see again.
This Friday, the 4th
of April 2014, would have been Stewart’s 29th birthday.
Stewart was an amazing person -
A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored
uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and will be missed by
so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain
and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund
which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel
cancer. If you wish to donate to the
fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3
.
His wish was that The Grambler
should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most
ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…
Do I have any
more good diet tips for you? As a matter
of fact, I do. It is this. Only eat the kind of food that you know every
ingredient. Sorry, pardon, excuse
me? There are so many foods out there
that list a lot of ingredients you have never even heard of. What exactly is a monosodium glutamate when
it’s at home? I don’t know. You don’t know. Maybe you do know. I am merely surmising. So why do we eat food that contains MSG? I’ve just looked up good old Wikipaedia and
they describe it thus: ‘Monosodium glutamate (MSG), also known as sodium
glutamate, is the sodium salt of glutamic acid, one of the most abundant
naturally occurring non-essential amino acids.’
Oh that clears that up, then!
What the hell? Why are we being
fed this stuff? Non-essential, it
says. Exactly.
So do you know what to do? This may
seem a bit radical to some of you out there, but make your meals from natural
ingredients. Don’t buy any ‘processed
food’. So basically, don’t buy anything
that is packed in a box which has a list of ingredients on the back; especially
if that list contains things that have chemical names or an E number. If an ingredient doesn’t have a foody type
name why are we eating it?
Processed food is responsible for many ills other than simple weight
gain. High blood pressure is partly
blamed on processed food and so is high cholesterol.
Ah, you might say, it would be impossible to live without some form of
processed food. Cheese, butter, bread to
name just three. Honestly, these count
as processed foods even though they have been produced for thoosands of
years. Mind you, I’m not sure about some
of them cheeses. Copper wire? In cheese?
Not for me, thank you. Well,
actually, you could live without dairy products and bread, but I am not
advocating that. Don’t eat tons of it I
would say, but just avoid junk food. If
it comes in a packet with a long list of ‘additives’ and ‘agents’, I would
steer well clear of it.
Although….
But that’s just taking it to extremes, isn’t it?
All right. Diet advice over. What next?
Any birthdays?
Agnetha Faltskog! Bless you.
No, Agnetha Faltskog from ABBA. Oh, I thought you sneezed. Or the blonde one, as we lads all
called her. 64 on 5th of
April. Hard to imagine her being that
age. I can only picture her with those
glittery hot pants, oh yes, or her cat dress on.
Oh, I’ve dribbled on my keyboard again.
[Is that some sort of euphemism? – Ed.]
Any road up, how about a gramblerised ABBA song?
You are the Grambling
Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Grambling Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, grambling the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Grambling Queen
Grambling Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, grambling the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Grambling Queen
You can kind of tell that was written by someone for whom
English is a second language. I can just
imagine the conversation:
‘Hey, Benny.
Whatsh a goot vurd to rhyme wit denshing queen?’
‘Hmm, I don’t know Bjorn, what short of ding are yu
tinking urf?’
‘Vot about a really cule inshtrument?’
‘Hmm… a tembourine?’
‘Yeah. Tembourine. Shuper idea Benny. That ish perfect!’
Don’t think so Bjorn and Benny.
Ooh I remember that ArBA very well. There was the blonde one, the dark haired one and … some
other blokes. Hoh yes, they did an lot
of good songs. Mum I’m here, Voulez
Bully, Walter who, Super duper, Chicken eater, Esso Blue to name but…1, 2…erm…some! They came from that Scarndinarvia place…Swedeland. Yes.
They are Swedish, which means…erm…an bit like an turnip. Not much else comes from Swedeland apart from
ArBA. Cars. Oh yes I forgot them. SAHBs and Vulvas come from there. And that furniture stuff. The stuff you build yourself. Rubbish it is. Every time I build it I’m left with an load
of screws and some bits that don’t go anywhere.
And when I come to use whatever it is, it just collapses. As I say, rubbish. Called I see you*, or
something. I mean, you’d think them bits
should go somewhere…I mean whoever heard of an chair with three legs and an
spare one that doesn’t seem to fit anywhere…unless it’s me not following the
instructions right…Can’t see it, meself…etc. etc. ad infinitum.
*We have no idea what furniture store is being discussed here. The only Swedish store we can think of is
IKEA and that sells only good quality furniture, albeit with stupid names, but
excellent quality nonetheless.
I understand that not everyone is interested in the next bit. It’s about football, you see. Well, it is nominally a football blog. So, don’t leave immediately. Head to the bit after the footbally stuff
where there are some musical pics to test you.
Hey, I’ve not told you how The Grambler did last week. For the second week running 4 results went as
predicted by The Grambler. Woo hoo! And for the second week running we were in
profit. An even better profit than last
week, also too as well. We won…are you
ready for this?
£2.62
Isn’t that fantastic? Yeah,
okay. It’s not. But, come on.
Profit. For the second week
running. Can you believe it? So the Bobby Moore Fund received the grand
sum of £4.82 this week. Not much, true,
but if we all had a wee gramble and put the winnings into the fund….we could
bump that up to….ooh…nearly 15 quid.
So
how did the games that netted this fortune go?
Read on…
Game 1 - Leeds United vs
Doncaster - Prediction Home win Nope
Leeds
1 Doncaster 2
However, Leeds did not go down without a fight.
But first-half goals from David Cotterill (23 minutes) and Billy Sharp (45
minutes) were enough to give the visitors only their second away victory of the
season.
Ex-Motherwell goal machine, Ross McCormack's goal on the 68 minute
mark, his 28th of the season, was not enough for Leeds.
Game 2 – Burnley vs Leicester –
Prediction Away win Woohoo
Burnley
0 Leicester 2
David Nugent opened
the scoring for the visitors with a lovely curling effort into the bottom
corner of the net.
Anthony Knockaert
hit the bar with a rasping drive as Leicester looked for
a second, before Burnley's Scott Arfield shot straight at Kasper Schmeichel.
But substitute Chris
Wood's dipping strike gave the Foxes a deserved win.
Victory extended Leicester's unbeaten run in the league to 19 games, taking them six points ahead
of Burnley with a game in hand and 15 points clear of
third-placed Queens Park Rangers.
Game 3 – Rotherham vs Bristol
City – Prediction Home win Woohoo again
Rotherham
2 Bristol City 1
Full-back James Tavernier, on loan from Newcastle
The visitors levelled just after half-time when winger
Wade Elliott waded in (Do you see what I did there?) and fired from outside the
box.
But the Millers moved within five points of
second-placed Brentford when Tavernier scored a second from a free-kick on 60
minutes.
Game 4 – Preston North End vs
Crawley Town – Prediction Home win Woohoo yet again
Preston
1 Crawley 0
Joe Garner's 18th goal
of the season came on 13 minutes as he met Keith Keane's centre from the
right-hand side to nod the ball past Paul Jones.
Garner had chances
to increase the lead but headed over when well placed and had a volley well
saved.
Mike Jones had Crawley's best effort but he shot straight at goalkeeper Declan Rudd.
Preston now need
just one point to guarantee a play-off place, while Crawley, who have lost
their last three are now just six points clear of the relegation zone.
Game 5 – Southend vs Torquay –
Prediction Home win One more time Woohoo!
Southend
1 Torquay 0
Southend dominated for large parts and should have gone in front but
centre-back Jakub Sokolik missed an open goal from six yards out.
John White's header hit the crossbar before Freddy Eastwood's
close-range finish on 72 minutes secured the points.
Southend jump back into the League Two play-off places while Torquay
remain four points adrift at the bottom.
So that was last week. What
about this week’s predictions? There are
55 games on this Saturday the 5th of April at 3pm for The Grambler to randomly select from (Or from
which The Grambler can select at random.
Does that keep you happy Mr A. Pedant?).
And what has he/she/it went and gived us? (That’ll teach him!) Three homes and two aways. Let’s have a closer look…
Game
– Result – Odds
Nottingham Forest vs Millwall
– Home win – 13/20
For our first game we head to the City Ground where Forest
play host to the Lions (ROARRRR!). The
Grambler has predicted that this will end as a win for Forest. Have you seen their recent form!! Obviously not. The last time Forest
won a game was the 11th of February.
Almost 2 months ago! Since then
they have drawn 4 and lost 5. Mind you,
Millwall aren’t much better.
Correction. Millwall are probably
worse. Only 1 win since the 7th
of December. Both a bit crap, then.
I can only hope that the news that Stuart Pearce will be taking over as
Forest’s manager will spur the players on a bit and give us
a win.
Brentford vs Notts County – Home win
- 2/5
Game number 2 and we are off to Griffin Park where the Nylons, sorry, the Bees play host to the
Magpies. For this game The Grambler has
predicted a home win. How do you write a
sharp intake of breath? Don’t think so
Grambler. Yes, Brentford are 2nd
in the table and County are a lowly 19th, but recent form would
favour the lower placed side. Brentford
have not won any of their last 3 games, County have won their past 3. What about recent head to heads? Well, the 3 most recent encounters have been
won by the Nylo…Bees. However, the
previous 8, yes 8, games were draws.
Methinks, County could take a point here.
Would you like to see the club mascots?
You would? Not 1, but 2 for each
club.
Brentford's Buzz Bee and Buzzette
Notts County's Mr and Mrs
Magpie
Carlisle vs Swindon – Away win
- 7/5
Game 3 and we head to Brunton Park where the Cumbrians play host to the Robins (tweet). The Grambler reckons an away win. Swindon went a few
games recently where they just couldn’t win, but are now on a bit of a winning
streak and have taken maximum points from the last 3. Carlisle haven’t won
a game since mid February. What about
the head to heads? Swindon have won the last 2 encounters with emphatic victories. However, these games were both at Swindon. They haven’t beaten Carlisle at Brunton Park since 1996!
Maybe a draw would be the safer bet here, Grambler.
Gillingham vs Rotherham – Away win
- 10/11
For our penultimate game we head to Priestfield Stadium where the Gills
play host to the Millers (again). The
Grambler has predicted that Rotherham can do it two weeks on the trot. Gillingham have lost
only 1 game in 5, so they are no pushovers. However, Rotherham are just flying at the moment.
They have yet to lose a game this year! The sides have already met this season with Rotherham taking the points after a 4-1 win.
However, in the previous 2 encounters, Gillingham were the victors on both occasions.
The Grambler should have
called this one right. But…
Falkirk vs
Cowdenbeath – Home win - 4/9
And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther we head to the Falkirk
Stadium where the Bairns play host to the Blue Brazil. For this game The Grambler predicts that
Falkirk will take the points. Hmm. I seem to remember a few weeks back The
Grambler predicted 3rd top Falkirk would beat 3rd bottom
Alloa and what happened? Alloa won
3-0! Hmm. Cowdenbeath actually have better recent form
having lost 3 of the last 10 games; Falkirk have lost 4 of the last 10. Hmm.
What about head to heads? The 2
most recent games were won by Falkirk. In
fact, of the last 11 encounters, Cowdenbeath have won just once. That certainly looks more promising. Yeah, okay, I’ll go with this one Grambler.
Well, that’s it my little
gramblerinis. This week’s predictions
are in and the bet has been placed; all £2.20 of it. So if our 10 - 20 pee doubles and 1 - 20 pee
accumulator come up, the Bobby Moore Fund will benefit by….fanfare please…
£9.18
Is that all? That’s a bit rubbish. Still,
if [Here we go if, if, if! – Ed.] it does come up, it’s better than we
have done in yonks.
I was talking about ABBA earlier
on and remembered that song Super Trooper; it took me a long time to realise
they were singing
I was sick
and tired of everything
When I called you last night from GLASGOW
When I called you last night from GLASGOW
And not
I was sick
and tired of everything
When I called you last night from TESCO
When I called you last night from TESCO
Even the title was misheard by a
contributor to B3ta
Here are some more. See if you recognise any.
Let me know how you get on. Answers next week.
Ooh, I haven’t told you the
answer to last week’s teaser - What record did Chelsea set on 15th
October 1998?
Answer – In their Premiership game against Coventry
City at Highfield Road they were the first team to have a starting lineup of 11
full internationals – 3 Italians, 2 Frenchmen, 2 Englishmen and 1 each from
Holland, Nigeria, Spain and Uruguay. Two
more – an Italian and a Norwegian came on as subs.
How many of you got that
Right? You both did! Well done.
How about another teaser to
finish?
In 1977 which footballer played four
games in four different countries over a period of only 10 days?
Before I finish, I would just
like to ask all you lovely folk out there in Gramblerland to tell all your
mates by kneemail or on Bacefook or Twatter about the wonderful blog that is
thegrambler.com. It is becoming a bit of
a cult. I said cult.
Thank you and goodnight.
No comments:
Post a Comment