Thursday 3 April 2014

Week 31 - The Grambler advises on processed food

The Grambler is the brainchild of Stewart David Smith, who lost his wonderful life to Colorectal, or Bowel, cancer aged just 28.  He fought a horrendous battle for 2 years and 1 month, defeating septicemia, multi-organ failure, antibiotic-induced hearing loss, kidney failure and countless other complications with a bravery none of us will ever see again.


This Friday, the 4th of April 2014, would have been Stewart’s 29th birthday.


Stewart was an amazing person -  A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle.  He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and will be missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good.  We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer.  If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via .

His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige.  Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…


Do I have any more good diet tips for you?  As a matter of fact, I do.  It is this.  Only eat the kind of food that you know every ingredient.  Sorry, pardon, excuse me?  There are so many foods out there that list a lot of ingredients you have never even heard of.  What exactly is a monosodium glutamate when it’s at home?  I don’t know.  You don’t know.  Maybe you do know.  I am merely surmising.  So why do we eat food that contains MSG?  I’ve just looked up good old Wikipaedia and they describe it thus: ‘Monosodium glutamate (MSG), also known as sodium glutamate, is the sodium salt of glutamic acid, one of the most abundant naturally occurring non-essential amino acids.’  Oh that clears that up, then!  What the hell?  Why are we being fed this stuff?  Non-essential, it says.  Exactly.

So do you know what to do?  This may seem a bit radical to some of you out there, but make your meals from natural ingredients.  Don’t buy any ‘processed food’.  So basically, don’t buy anything that is packed in a box which has a list of ingredients on the back; especially if that list contains things that have chemical names or an E number.  If an ingredient doesn’t have a foody type name why are we eating it?

Processed food is responsible for many ills other than simple weight gain.  High blood pressure is partly blamed on processed food and so is high cholesterol.

Ah, you might say, it would be impossible to live without some form of processed food.  Cheese, butter, bread to name just three.  Honestly, these count as processed foods even though they have been produced for thoosands of years.  Mind you, I’m not sure about some of them cheeses.  Copper wire?  In cheese?  Not for me, thank you.  Well, actually, you could live without dairy products and bread, but I am not advocating that.  Don’t eat tons of it I would say, but just avoid junk food.  If it comes in a packet with a long list of ‘additives’ and ‘agents’, I would steer well clear of it.




But that’s just taking it to extremes, isn’t it?


All right.  Diet advice over.  What next?  Any birthdays?

Agnetha Faltskog!  Bless you.  No, Agnetha Faltskog from ABBA.  Oh, I thought you sneezed.  Or the blonde one, as we lads all called her.  64 on 5th of April.  Hard to imagine her being that age.  I can only picture her with those glittery hot pants, oh yes, or her cat dress on. 

Oh, I’ve dribbled on my keyboard again.  [Is that some sort of euphemism? – Ed.]  Any road up, how about a gramblerised ABBA song?


You are the Grambling Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Grambling Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, grambling the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Grambling Queen


You can kind of tell that was written by someone for whom English is a second language.  I can just imagine the conversation:


‘Hey, Benny.  Whatsh a goot vurd to rhyme wit denshing queen?’

‘Hmm, I don’t know Bjorn, what short of ding are yu tinking urf?’

‘Vot about a really cule inshtrument?’

‘Hmm… a tembourine?’

‘Yeah.  Tembourine.  Shuper idea Benny.  That ish perfect!’


Don’t think so Bjorn and Benny.


Ooh I remember that ArBA very well.  There was the blonde one, the dark haired one and … some other blokes.  Hoh yes, they did an lot of good songs.  Mum I’m here, Voulez Bully, Walter who, Super duper, Chicken eater, Esso Blue to name but…1, 2…erm…some!  They came from that Scarndinarvia place…Swedeland.  Yes.  They are Swedish, which means…erm…an bit like an turnip.  Not much else comes from Swedeland apart from ArBA.  Cars.  Oh yes I forgot them.  SAHBs and Vulvas come from there.  And that furniture stuff.  The stuff you build yourself.  Rubbish it is.  Every time I build it I’m left with an load of screws and some bits that don’t go anywhere.  And when I come to use whatever it is, it just collapses.  As I say, rubbish.  Called I see you*, or something.  I mean, you’d think them bits should go somewhere…I mean whoever heard of an chair with three legs and an spare one that doesn’t seem to fit anywhere…unless it’s me not following the instructions right…Can’t see it, meself…etc. etc. ad infinitum.


*We have no idea what furniture store is being discussed here.  The only Swedish store we can think of is IKEA and that sells only good quality furniture, albeit with stupid names, but excellent quality nonetheless.


I understand that not everyone is interested in the next bit.  It’s about football, you see.  Well, it is nominally a football blog.  So, don’t leave immediately.  Head to the bit after the footbally stuff where there are some musical pics to test you.


Hey, I’ve not told you how The Grambler did last week.  For the second week running 4 results went as predicted by The Grambler.  Woo hoo!  And for the second week running we were in profit.  An even better profit than last week, also too as well.  We won…are you ready for this?


Isn’t that fantastic?  Yeah, okay.  It’s not.  But, come on.  Profit.  For the second week running.  Can you believe it?  So the Bobby Moore Fund received the grand sum of £4.82 this week.  Not much, true, but if we all had a wee gramble and put the winnings into the fund….we could bump that up to….ooh…nearly 15 quid.

So how did the games that netted this fortune go?  Read on…

Game 1 - Leeds United vs Doncaster - Prediction Home win Nope

Leeds 1 Doncaster 2

Leeds lost for the fifth time in six matches as Doncaster took a step closer to safety with victory at Elland Road.

However, Leeds did not go down without a fight.

But first-half goals from David Cotterill (23 minutes) and Billy Sharp (45 minutes) were enough to give the visitors only their second away victory of the season.

Ex-Motherwell goal machine, Ross McCormack's goal on the 68 minute mark, his 28th of the season, was not enough for Leeds.

Game 2 – Burnley vs Leicester – Prediction Away win Woohoo

Burnley 0 Leicester 2

David Nugent opened the scoring for the visitors with a lovely curling effort into the bottom corner of the net.

Anthony Knockaert hit the bar with a rasping drive as Leicester looked for a second, before Burnley's Scott Arfield shot straight at Kasper Schmeichel.

But substitute Chris Wood's dipping strike gave the Foxes a deserved win.

Victory extended Leicester's unbeaten run in the league to 19 games, taking them six points ahead of Burnley with a game in hand and 15 points clear of third-placed Queens Park Rangers.

Game 3 – Rotherham vs Bristol City – Prediction Home win Woohoo again

Rotherham 2 Bristol City 1

Full-back James Tavernier, on loan from Newcastle, opened the scoring inside two minutes with a 25-yard shot.

The visitors levelled just after half-time when winger Wade Elliott waded in (Do you see what I did there?) and fired from outside the box.

But the Millers moved within five points of second-placed Brentford when Tavernier scored a second from a free-kick on 60 minutes.

Game 4 – Preston North End vs Crawley Town – Prediction Home win Woohoo yet again

Preston 1 Crawley 0

Joe Garner's 18th goal of the season came on 13 minutes as he met Keith Keane's centre from the right-hand side to nod the ball past Paul Jones.

Garner had chances to increase the lead but headed over when well placed and had a volley well saved.

Mike Jones had Crawley's best effort but he shot straight at goalkeeper Declan Rudd.

Preston now need just one point to guarantee a play-off place, while Crawley, who have lost their last three are now just six points clear of the relegation zone.

Game 5 – Southend vs Torquay – Prediction Home win One more time Woohoo!

Southend 1 Torquay 0

Southend dominated for large parts and should have gone in front but centre-back Jakub Sokolik missed an open goal from six yards out.

John White's header hit the crossbar before Freddy Eastwood's close-range finish on 72 minutes secured the points.

Southend jump back into the League Two play-off places while Torquay remain four points adrift at the bottom.

So that was last week.  What about this week’s predictions?  There are 55 games on this Saturday the 5th of April at 3pm for The Grambler to randomly select from (Or from which The Grambler can select at random.  Does that keep you happy Mr A. Pedant?).  And what has he/she/it went and gived us?  (That’ll teach him!)  Three homes and two aways.  Let’s have a closer look…

Game – Result – Odds

Nottingham Forest vs Millwall – Home win – 13/20

For our first game we head to the City Ground where Forest play host to the Lions (ROARRRR!).  The Grambler has predicted that this will end as a win for Forest.  Have you seen their recent form!!  Obviously not.  The last time Forest won a game was the 11th of February.  Almost 2 months ago!  Since then they have drawn 4 and lost 5.  Mind you, Millwall aren’t much better.  Correction.  Millwall are probably worse.  Only 1 win since the 7th of December.  Both a bit crap, then.

I can only hope that the news that Stuart Pearce will be taking over as Forest’s manager will spur the players on a bit and give us a win.

Brentford vs Notts County – Home win - 2/5

Game number 2 and we are off to Griffin Park where the Nylons, sorry, the Bees play host to the Magpies.  For this game The Grambler has predicted a home win.  How do you write a sharp intake of breath?  Don’t think so Grambler.  Yes, Brentford are 2nd in the table and County are a lowly 19th, but recent form would favour the lower placed side.  Brentford have not won any of their last 3 games, County have won their past 3.  What about recent head to heads?  Well, the 3 most recent encounters have been won by the Nylo…Bees.  However, the previous 8, yes 8, games were draws.  Methinks, County could take a point here.

Would you like to see the club mascots?  You would?  Not 1, but 2 for each club.

Brentford's Buzz Bee and Buzzette

Notts County's Mr and Mrs Magpie

Carlisle vs Swindon – Away win - 7/5

Game 3 and we head to Brunton Park where the Cumbrians play host to the Robins (tweet).  The Grambler reckons an away win.  Swindon went a few games recently where they just couldn’t win, but are now on a bit of a winning streak and have taken maximum points from the last 3.  Carlisle haven’t won a game since mid February.  What about the head to heads?  Swindon have won the last 2 encounters with emphatic victories.  However, these games were both at Swindon.  They haven’t beaten Carlisle at Brunton Park since 1996!  Maybe a draw would be the safer bet here, Grambler.

Gillingham vs Rotherham – Away win - 10/11

For our penultimate game we head to Priestfield Stadium where the Gills play host to the Millers (again).  The Grambler has predicted that Rotherham can do it two weeks on the trot.  Gillingham have lost only 1 game in 5, so they are no pushovers. However, Rotherham are just flying at the moment.  They have yet to lose a game this year!  The sides have already met this season with Rotherham taking the points after a 4-1 win.  However, in the previous 2 encounters, Gillingham were the victors on both occasions.  The Grambler should have called this one right.  But…

Falkirk vs Cowdenbeath – Home win - 4/9

And finally, Cyril?  And finally Esther we head to the Falkirk Stadium where the Bairns play host to the Blue Brazil.  For this game The Grambler predicts that Falkirk will take the points.  Hmm.  I seem to remember a few weeks back The Grambler predicted 3rd top Falkirk would beat 3rd bottom Alloa and what happened?  Alloa won 3-0!  Hmm.  Cowdenbeath actually have better recent form having lost 3 of the last 10 games; Falkirk have lost 4 of the last 10.  Hmm.  What about head to heads?  The 2 most recent games were won by Falkirk.  In fact, of the last 11 encounters, Cowdenbeath have won just once.  That certainly looks more promising.  Yeah, okay, I’ll go with this one Grambler.


Well, that’s it my little gramblerinis.  This week’s predictions are in and the bet has been placed; all £2.20 of it.  So if our 10 - 20 pee doubles and 1 - 20 pee accumulator come up, the Bobby Moore Fund will benefit by….fanfare please…


Is that all?  That’s a bit rubbish.  Still,  if [Here we go if, if, if! – Ed.] it does come up, it’s better than we have done in yonks.

I was talking about ABBA earlier on and remembered that song Super Trooper; it took me a long time to realise they were singing

I was sick and tired of everything
When I called you last night from GLASGOW

And not

I was sick and tired of everything
When I called you last night from TESCO

Even the title was misheard by a contributor to B3ta

Here are some more.  See if you recognise any.

Let me know how you get on.  Answers next week.

Ooh, I haven’t told you the answer to last week’s teaser - What record did Chelsea set on 15th October 1998?

Answer –  In their Premiership game against Coventry City at Highfield Road they were the first team to have a starting lineup of 11 full internationals – 3 Italians, 2 Frenchmen, 2 Englishmen and 1 each from Holland, Nigeria, Spain and Uruguay.  Two more – an Italian and a Norwegian came on as subs.
How many of you got that Right?  You both did!  Well done.

How about another teaser to finish?

In 1977 which footballer played four games in four different countries over a period of only 10 days?

Before I finish, I would just like to ask all you lovely folk out there in Gramblerland to tell all your mates by kneemail or on Bacefook or Twatter about the wonderful blog that is  It is becoming a bit of a cult.  I said cult.

Thank you and goodnight.

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