Stewart was an amazing
person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an
adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and will be
missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never
be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund
which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel
cancer. If you wish to donate to the
fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3
.
If you haven’t already
done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn
from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family,
even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what
you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997
His wish was that The Grambler
should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most
ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…
Dear Mr Bramble,
Further to last week’s letter from R. Snell, I too enjoyed watching the
Morecambe and Wise shows and remember that Eric Morecambe used to be quite
obsessive about a particular football team.
I believe he was even a director at the club, but I cannot remember
which club it was. Can you help?
Yours sincerely,
Lou Tonn.
Any birthdays of note today (22nd of November)? Thomas Cook 1808 (man who realised the
potential of package holidays when he first saw a can of sardines), George
Eliot 1819 (ladyboy), Charles de Gaulle 1890 (Asterix’s dad), Hoagy Carmichael
1899 (smarter than the average bear), Benjamin Britten 1913 (Brad Pitt film),
Rodney Dangerfield 1921 (cartoon character voiced by David Jason), Peter Hall
1930 (Lenny the Lion ventriloquist), Robert Vaughn 1932 (Frankie’s dad), Terry
Gilliam 1940 (What is your quest?), Tom Conti 1941 (Italian swearword), Billy Jean
King 1943 (tennis bloke), Jamie Lee Curtis 1958 (singer of Chuck E’s in Love),
Frank McAvennie 1959 (football bloke), Boris Becker 1967 (Tennis bloke),
Scarlet Johansson 1984 (singer with New York Dolls) and Oscar Pistorius 1986 (Sarth
Ifrican ranner). Hmm, none of that lot
ever had any hits worth gramblerising.
I don’t normally mention deaths unless they are music-related, but on the
22nd of November in 1963 two of the most famous writers in the world
died – Aldous Huxley (writer of Brave New World) and C.S. Lewis (Chronicles of
Narnia). Normally the fact that two such
respected authors should die on the same day would be noted as being a pretty
significant date, but nobody seems to remember the fact. It just so happened that on that same day,
the world’s most powerful man, John F. Kennedy visited Dallas. Another death
exactly 20 years previous to these gives us this week’s gramblerised toon. Lyricist Lorenz Hart, with composer Richard
Rodgers, gave us some of the most memorable songs of the early part of the 20th
century. Blue Moon, Mountain Greenery,
The Lady is a Tramp, Manhattan, the ventriloquist’s favourite Gewitched, Gothered
and Gewildered, My Funny Valentine and our toon of the week…
Grambling in love with love
Is grambling for make-believe
Grambling in love with love
Is grambling the fool
Grambling too much is such a juvenile fancy
Grambling to trust is just
For children in school
I grambled in love with love one night
When the moon was full
I was unwise with eyes
Unable to see
I grambled in love with love
With love ever-grambling
But love grambled out with me
Is grambling for make-believe
Grambling in love with love
Is grambling the fool
Grambling too much is such a juvenile fancy
Grambling to trust is just
For children in school
I grambled in love with love one night
When the moon was full
I was unwise with eyes
Unable to see
I grambled in love with love
With love ever-grambling
But love grambled out with me
Wait a minute, says
you; Yogi Carmichael was in the birthday honours list, he wrote a few songs,
why doesn’t one of his songs get chosen to be this week’s gramblerised
toon? The reason is I don’t have a story
related to him, but I have one related to Mr Hart.
When I was a kid
[Hovis time. He were a great baker were our dad. – Ed.] we only had two TV channels – BBC
and ITV. Then, in 1964 along came
BBC2. Woohoo! Three channels! Now one of the weekly ‘events’ on BBC2 was a
film on a Wednesday evening. Not just
any film. Oh no. A musical film, no less. Unfortunately for me, mum and dad Grambler
loved musicals, so that was what was watched every Wednesday. I hated Wednesdays. Probably the series only lasted 6 months or
so but, to me, the Wednesday musicals seemed to go on for years. I’m sure some of the films were okay, if you
happened to enjoy musicals. Most of them
I have forgotten, but I do recall that most weeks, if it wasn’t Doris Day, it
was Gordon Macrae. Some of the titles I
remember – The Pajama Game was one. I
recall that more because pyjama was spelt wrongly [pedant! – Ed.] than for its
content. I did enjoy one called
Hellzapoppin which had some pretty off the wall comedy in it. One film I remember was called The 5000
Fingers of Dr T. It was…just bloody
weird. Honestly, I had nightmares about
it. It was just…mental. All I recall was that a little boy, who had
to do piano lessons, dreams (or has nightmares) about a mad dictator (Dr T) who
has a gigantic piano designed to be played by 500 children (hence 5000
fingers). 500 kids all wearing some
rather odd headgear…
As I said, weird. Apparently, it was an idea from Theodor Seuss
Geisel – Dr Seuss to me and you – so I suppose its sheer bonkersness is not
surprising; he did come up with some crackpot ideas.
Any road up, another
film shown in this time slot was a musical about the songwriters Rodgers and
Hart called ‘Words and Music’. Remember Lorenz
Hart? Hollywood used to love to
celebrate its composers and Lorenz Hart was no different. After his death, this big biopic was made to
showcase Rodgers and Hart’s considerable catalogue of songs. Now, Hart led a ‘troubled’ life, he was an
alcoholic with complex psychological problems often displayed in
self-destructive behaviour. The film
sanitised this side to him and didn’t even refer to him being homosexual
(granted such matters were not for discussion in the 1940s). I recall seeing this film as a child (on a
Wednesday, of course). Yes the songs
were pretty good, but do you know the thing that I recall most? The dreadful miscasting of Mickey Rooney as Lorenz
Hart. As with all films he ever appeared
in, Mickey played the character as Mickey Rooney – an annoying little git who
could sing (a bit) and dance (a bit). As
an actor, old Mickey was a bit limited.
There was a section towards the end of the film - Lorenz is a very
poorly man, but wants to see his last show before he pops his clogs. He struggles manfully to make it to the
theatre, through pouring rain, dodging cars, bumping into people. I can’t recall if he actually makes it,
because the longer Mickey tried to ‘act’ the part of Hart battling against the
odds, the more I laughed and hee-hawed at Mickey’s dreadful acting. It was truly awful. I am sure another actor could have portrayed
the part and reduced the audience to tears, but not tears of laughter. If you ever get chance to see it, do; it’s
hilarious.
Mind you, you can
understand why they cast Mickey Rooney in the role; the likeness is uncanny…
That’s Mickey on the
right…or is it left? Do you know, they
are so alike, I don’t know which is which. [Do I detect a touch of sarcasm? –
Ed.]
Talking of bad acting
let’s move on to last week’s grambling results.
Sorry? Yes. Remember our first selection? Oldham?
Old ham. Geddit? Bad actor…old ham. Oh, please yourselves. How did we fare last week? Not too well, I’m afraid. Yes we won.
Yay! But not much. Boo!
Only 92 pees. Rubbish, or
what? How did it happen? Read on.
Oldham vs Crawley – Prediction Home win
Result – Oldham 1 Crawley 1
Ooh!
‘It the bar!
Midfielder Daniel Johnson, making his debut after
joining on loan from Aston Villa, cut through the visiting defence to fire Oldham in front from 10 yards.
But Gwion (How do you pronounce that, please?) Edwards
equalised just before the break with a fine 25-yard drive.
The Latics went closest to a winner but Mike Jones was
twice denied by Crawley keeper Jamie Ashdown.
"I think it's the standards we have set ourselves
in one respect, I think it was a bit flat today.
"We know where we are, we know that we're a work
in progress, we know that's not good enough with the standards we've set
ourselves and we've got to dust ourselves off."
Result – Luton
1 Tranmere 0
Yasss!
Luke Guttridge had a first-half volley tipped over by
Tranmere goalkeeper Peter Brezovan [Bread van? – Ed.] before Mark Cullen [Didn’t
he once present The Old Grey Whistle Test? – Ed.] put two chances wide from
good positions.
The Hatters took the lead when substitute Ricky Miller
curled past Brezovan into the top corner. When I say curled, I mean he curled the ball
into the top corner. I mean, he wouldn’t
want to curl into the top corner. That’d
be daft.
Any road up, Mark Tyler made a late save from Kayode
Odejayi's (Cracking name of the week there, I think.) header to secure the
points.
Luke Gutteridge may not
have scored but his Wolverine impression is coming on well. Not quite got the hair right yet.
Result – Ayr
2 Peterhead 3
WHAAAT! in my best Brian Blessed voice.
Rory McAllister
scored a hat-trick as Peterhead stretched Ayr United's winless run to five
games.
McAllister slotted in an early opener, but Craig
Beattie fired a leveller after the break.
When Peterhead were awarded a penalty, McAllister
restored the lead, only for Scott McLaughlin to level again with another spot
kick.
But McAllister grabbed his ninth of the campaign to
take the match ball and points back with the visitors.
Result – Albion
2 Arbroath 1
WHAAAT! in an even better Brian Blessed
voice.
A late goal
from Albion Rovers' John Gemmell confirmed consecutive losses for Scottish
League Two leaders Arbroath.
Marc McKenzie gave third-top Rovers an early lead when
he slotted in from Mark McGuigan's cross.
Scott McBride drew the visitors level with a curling
free-kick into the top corner.
Kieran Stewart and Paul McManus were wasteful in front
of goal and were made to pay when Gemmell headed the winner.
Result – Elgin
Yay
Striker Paul Woods fired the visitors ahead when his
deflected effort found the net and Shaun Rooney headed the Spiders' second.
Darren Miller added a third from the penalty spot
before the break following Ceiran McLean's foul on Sean Burns.
Craig Gunn pulled one back but the comeback was
short-lived as John Carter replied for Queen's Park.
That was last week, what has The Grambler got for us
this week? Well, the good news is that
he/she/it has a full card of 3 o’clock kick-offs this Saturday, the 22nd
of November. 57 games to randomly select
from Grambler. Okay? No early kick offs from you this week then. And try and win us some money as well would
you. You’ve been rubbish of late. Yes, I have finished. Yes, you can get on with your random
selections.
Game – Result – Odds
Stoke vs Burnley
– Prediction Home win – 7/10
There you have it my little gramblerinis, five
predictions from The Grambler. The bet
is on or, rather, the eleven bets are on; as per usual we have a single 20 pee
accumulator plus 10 x 20 pee doubles. So
how much will the Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside Fund donate to the Bobby
Moore Fund if all results go our way? A stupendous…
£15.02
and that is pretty stupendous, I am sure you will
agree.
What about the teaser?
What, as you so rightly say, about the teaser? Last week I asked you what was Bournemouth ’s James Hayter’s double claim to
fame. Well, James Hayter played Friar
Tuck in the 1952 film The Story of Robin Hood and His Merrie Men and the title
role in The Pickwick Papers in the same year.
He later played the character of Albert Doolittle in a stage version of
My Fair Lady and famously provided the voice in those adverts for ‘exceedingly
good cakes’. Oh, Wrong James
Hayter. I do apologise. The James Hayter who played for Bournemouth holds the record for being brought
on as a substitute at the latest point in a game and still scoring a hat
trick. Does that make sense? There have been many instances of players
being brought on as subs and scoring hat tricks. Indeed, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer scored four
after being brought on as sub. However,
Hayter didn’t come on to the pitch until the 84th minute in the
Bournemouth vs Wrexham game of 24th of February 2004 and still
scored three. That is record number
one. Record number two is that his hat
trick is the fastest ever scored in the Football League, taking just 2 minutes
and 20 seconds to complete.
There is a footnote to this story, his parents and
brother were watching the game; when he hadn’t come on after 82 minutes, they
decided to leave early, and missed him making history.
Rather a good teaser there, I thought. What about one for this week? We head to English Premiershit territory for
this one. Who was the first player to
amass the magic ton – 100 goals in the Premiershit? An easy one that shouldn’t have you rushing
to Googlie for the answer.
And finally, Cyril?
And finally Esther, after discussing iffy musicals, here is a clip from
a film musical which is possibly the worst idea ever. Even worse than Springtime for Hitler (What do
you mean you’ve never seen The Producers?) the film is a rather ill-conceived affair
extremely loosely based on the Beatles’ Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club
Band. Please enjoy Steve Martin singing [SINGING!!! – Ed.] Maxwell’s
Silver Hammer. Erm… Enjoy?
Happy grambling.
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