Tuesday 17 February 2015

Week 28 - Grambling? What the blibbing heck is that?

Stewart was an amazing person -  A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle.  He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and will be missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good.  We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer.  If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .


If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent.  It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997


His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige.  Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…


Well, hello to all you… what does the bloke what normally writes this drivel call you?... gramblerinis out there in…where is it again?  Gramblerland?  Where the blibbing heck is that?  The man’s mad.  Anyway, him what usually writes this tripe has buggered off on holiday and left me to write it instead.  Don’t let on that I forgot to do it until now. 

He did tell me where he was going…Ooh, where was it?  Something to do with cake.  Dundee?  That’s the comic place, isn’t it?  The Beano and the Darndy.  Ooh I liked them when I was little.  Desperate Darn, he was good.  The things he got up to… all because he didn’t have an toilet in his house.  He had an cat, I think, called Biffo.  No, that’s wrong.  Not Biffo.  Korky.  Korky had an cat called Biffo.  You get that paper from Dundee too.  The Sunday Post.  Which is unusual because you don’t normally get an post on an Sunday.  It’s got that family that go everywhere together.  The Brooms.  There’s hundreds of them.  And only half of them have even got names. They must have run out of ideas when the last three came along and didn’t even bother.  And that Maggie.  She’s no better than she ought to be.  Every week she’s off out with some bloke or another.  As long as he’s got a car.  It’s all she’s blibbing well interested in.  Mind you it never lasts.  Soon as he finds out she’s got the whole family in tow, he’s off.  And there’s that other story.  The one about Siamese cats.  Not cats.  Twins.  I meant twins.  Only you can’t call them Siamese, cause that’s racy.  You’ve got to call them double jointed nowadays.  Ooh, shocking case it is.  Terrible place to be joined up.  It’s called Oor Wullie.

Hang on, it isn’t Dundee he went.  Bakewell?  Might be.  I like Bakewell.  She was clever, her.  That’s why she was on BBC2.  Only clever people get on BBC2.  The thinking man’s crumpet she was called.  She’s an dame now.  Dame Bakewell Tart.

Or was it Bath?  You get buns from there.  And chairs.  Can’t think of anything dafter than having an chair in an bath, though.  You’d barely get your ankles wet.

No, it wasn’t Bath either.  Chelsea?  They do buns and all.  Eccles?  Pontefract?

Maybe it was abroad or somewhere overseas he went.  The Black Forest?  Battenburg?  Ooh that’s that stuff with marzipan.  I hate marsupials, me.  If I get an box of chocolates with them, they always get left.  Them and coconut.  That gets stuck under me plate.  My denture plate.  Not me dinner plate.  That’d be daft.  No, I’m more of your soft-censored type.  I am particularly fond of orange fondues.

Perhaps it was America he went.  Mississippi.  You get that mud pie from there.  That’d count as an cake.  That’s in the deep south where they made that film with Brenda Lee and Vince Cable.  Ooh, very popular film it was.  It was called ‘I’ve got the wind.’  I do remember that bit at the end when Vince Hill says to Bruce Lee, ‘Frarnkly, my dear…I couldn’t give an monkey’s…’  That’s it!  Madeira!  I knew it was something to do with cake!

I’m an bit late to do the grambling stuff.  I suspose I could just tell you what happened last week.  Not much to tell, really.  It won, apparently.

The other bloke will be back next week.  I hope.  I couldn’t be bothered writing this rubbish every week…

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