Friday 12 June 2015

Week 45 - Grambling with friends

Stewart was an amazing person -  A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle.  He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good.  We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer.  If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent.  It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will.

He began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery.  He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter.  His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige.  Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…

Ai vig razeed oca eses lenos jetes darkle tost pima resh chi att qis scutes vig dit na ne coir gid alp oud xis sidh biface jole od la lex ziti plew shog yerba maist fets.
Erm... Wise words, mate.
You are probably wondering what is going on.  What is this strange language at the beginning of this week's (g)ramble?  Is it some rare tongue now spoken by only a handful of people who live in the recesses of a jungle in some newly discovered corner of darkest (insert wilderness of choice here)? Is it perchance the language spoken by some alien race in the latest (insert sci fi/fantasy movie franchise of choice here) blockbuster?
Wrong. I play an on line scrabble game called - so as not to infringe scrabble copyright - Words with Friends.  Apart from a letter or two having a different value and the triple word squares being in a different place, it is identical to scrabble.  You can play people all over the world should you want.  You can even play solo games against the computer.  This is where the bit of text that I began with comes from.  Sorry pardon excuse me?  Have you ever seen any of those words before?  No, neither have I.  Those words have all been played by the computer against me in the game of 'Words with Friends'.  In its world these words apparently exist.  Don't ask me what they mean, but they always seem to get played when there is a triple score to be had.  Unfair I calls it.
However, there are many words which the game will not accept.  Words that might be considered racist or sexist are not allowed.  For example, don't try putting jew or jewish, they are not acceptable.  However, the more derogatory term yid is.  Dago is however not acceptable.  I know.  I tried putting it.  Stupid game.  I tried to play the word 'fag' - a word that, as far as Iam concerned, means cigarette.  Not allowed.  Presumably because in the good old US of A, which I am assuming is where the game originates, the word fag is a derogatory term for homosexual.  Don't try putting sweary words either.  F*** and c***, both good old Anglo Saxon words, are forbidden.  So it came as a surprise when I recently had a selection of letters that, had such a word existed, would have spelled out swanker.  According to WWF (That's Words with Friends, in case you were wondering) that word does not exist.  I was certain that I could use all the letters, but what word would fit?  Surely not w*nkers.  If f*** and c*** were out surely I wouldn't be allowed that one.  I tried it anyway and guess what; WWF accepted it.  I have no idea what it means in the good ol US of A, but I suspect that, like fag, it is different to its meaning in Britain.

Once again I have to report that this week's edition of is a leaner version than usual.  There are no birthdays, no gramblerised toon, no teaser question or answer and no predictions from The Grambler.  Why?  Once again this is due to me having to utilise a tablet rather than a laptop to compose this drivel.  It is my excise for the layout being a bit haywire.  Rest assured, once the laptop is up and running normal service will be resumed [Shame. - Ed.].

Readers of this wunnerful blog may remember the gramblerplan diet (The diet that really works).  Well, in the next week or two Mrs G and I will be restarting it.  Unfortunately, those pounds that we shed last year have somehow found their way back.  So, all of you tubby folk out there can join us in losing weight while giving to the Bobby Moore Fund.  How?  Simply, lose weight the gramblerplan way, have a weekly weigh-in and donate one pound to the fund for every pound you lose.  How's that for an incentive to lose weight?  Not very good, you say?  Well, the even better incentive is that if, during the time you are on the diet, you have gained weight you are penalised by having to donate two pounds to the fund for every pound you gain.  So, are you with us?  No! We're with the Woolwich!  Ah that takes me back.  How does the gramblerplan diet (the diet that really works) help you lose weight?  Simple.  Eat less and exercise more.  Each week I will be happy to impart my wonderful advice on ways to help you lose weight.
[Hang on.  If you have been on this diet thing already, why do you need to go on it again? - Ed.]
Erm... Because I stopped following my own advice.  That, and eating too much.
Any road up.  Lots of famous people have lost weight the gramblerplan way.  Here are just a couple of recommendations...

I went on the gramblerplan diet and I can't believe how many pounds I lost - N. Leeson

I went on the gramblerplan diet and lost a stone - A. Hitler

There you are.  Excellent recommendations, I think you will agree.  So come on everyone, let's all lose weight together and donate those pounds to the Bobby Moore Fund via the just giving page quoted earlier - https://www.just
You know it makes sense.

Once again, let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer.  If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration.  Just point your doctor in the direction of

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