Stewart was an amazing
person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an
adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed
by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in
vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund
which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel
cancer. If you wish to donate to the
fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3
.
If you haven’t already
done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn
from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family,
even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what
you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997
Similarly, if you haven’t heard
it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio
Scotland recently.
Stewart began writing The
Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of
recovery. He loved all aspects of
football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should
continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most
ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…
Before I begin this week’s (g)ramble, may I be the first to wish you all a
happy new year? Yes, this week is the
beginning of a brand new grambling year.
Yay! The new footie season has
started. Yay! And it’s the start of a brand new betting
season for The Grambler. Yay! He/she/it will predict loads of correct
results to make us all rich… Erm, don’t think so. Well, at least we haven’t got to bet on
smelly old horses. Yay! [Just smelly
footballers. – Ed.]
Of course, the 2015-16 season actually began last weekend, but if you live
anywhere other than Scotland, you probably wouldn’t have been aware of the
fact. The Scottish Premier League kicked
off last week and I am pleased to say Motherwell took three points when they absolutely
annihilated Inverness Caley Thistle one nil.
Yay! I shall be at Fir Park this
afternoon, cheering the lads on. All
together now… Well shake it up baby.
Twist and shout…etc. etc.
And so on with this week’s edition of thegrambler.com…
Angel baby bear bunny car cow dinosaur dolly donkey dragon duck elephant
fairy fox frog goat hamster kitten lamb lion meerkat mermaid monkey monster owl
panda penguin piglet polar bear reindeer robot santa snowman teddy tiger
tractor train truck.
[Nurse…He’s flipped again. Time to
increase the medication. – Ed.]
No, no, no. It’s a list. An alphabetical list. [Obviously. – Ed.] I will explain. If you could make money from producing
something really simple, how would go about continuing making money once demand
for that simple idea has stopped? Easy. Repeat the exercise with barely any change.
Of course it helps if you aim said product at the most gullible, easily
manipulated customer base. What am I
talking about? Manipulative marketing
aimed at children. That’s what.
Think Barry Porter* – A story about a boy wizard. Kids read the book and liked it so much that
they demanded more. Well, that’s what
the marketing people would like you to think.
However, it is more likely that the success of the book made the
publishers think, ‘Aye aye, there’s money to be made’ so they get old J. R.
Hartley to write another and another and another… Who cares that the stories
barely differ, this is a cash cow to be milked dry. Do you see what I did there?
Do you remember Beano Babies*? They
were basically little cuddly toys, but the scheming manufacturers realised that
they were selling rather well so came up with a very cunning plan… They would
kid the buyers (mainly children old enough to understand) that these beanbags
with legs were worth collecting. And so,
they ‘limited’ the numbers of each one to help further the idea of
collectability, but produced many different forms. To date, there have been over 2000 different
types. I don’t know the original price,
but I am guessing that there would been little change from a fiver. So, if you had been duped by the hype and did
try to buy each and every ‘collectable’ bean bag, you (or, more likely, your
parents) would have forked out over ten grand.
One of the best scams, sorry, crazes for kids has been the Panono* sticker
album. Each year, new sticker albums are
published and come with a few sample stickers.
Usually, the topic is football, so the target is, most definitely, boys. The album and these initial few stickers are
not expensive. However, to get all the
stickers for the book would be far from cheap.
It always seemed to me that a few stickers were ‘held back’ to encourage
youngsters to keep on spending their pocket money. Or is that just me being a little cynical?
It was always the way. When I were a
lad [Uh oh, Hovis time. – Ed.] we kids were encouraged to buy cards. Like Panono*, there was a set to collect
which, no matter how hard you tried and how much pocket money you wasted, you
never quite seemed to complete.
Presumably, in those days, it was considered wrong to simply sell a
packet with a few cards, so each pack was sold as chewing gum and the cards
came free. The fact that the gum was
about an inch square by a sixteenth of an inch thick (25 mm x 25mm x 1.5mm for
those of you who prefer using S.I. units) should have made us realise that we
were being ripped off. I remember sets
such as British footballers – Ian Ure, Ian St John and Jim Baxter were there,
the American Civil War – you used to get ‘confederate’ banknotes as an added
attraction and The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
You can tell I had a sixties childhood.
So what about that list which began this week’s (g)ramble? Well, that is a list of subjects in a series
of books aimed at babies. Each book
takes one of these 38 (and counting) topics and has as its title ‘That’s not
my… ’
Each book has no more than half a dozen pages, each page having a
picture of the said topic with words along the lines of ‘That’s not my puppy
(say)… its paws are too rough’. The next
few pages have other doggie type pictures with various other things being not
quite right, until on the final page the words say ‘That’s my puppy… its ears (I said ears) are so shaggy.’ Not the most intriguing storyline,
admittedly. Since the books are aimed at
an extremely young audience which is just getting some sort of stimulation from
feeling different surfaces, you would think that one of the type would be
sufficient. But no, the publisher has
seen and tapped into a market which shouldn’t exist and has managed to get
nearly forty ‘titles’ into the bookshops.
Each one is sold at £4 a pop so the dosh must be rolling in or they
wouldn’t keep issuing new titles. Who is
buying them all? I reckon the parents of
the infants of today are those that bought the Beano Babies* in the
nineties. I reckon they still have the
‘must collect the whole set’ mentality.
There is no other way to explain it.
*Names changed for legal reasons. In
other words, don’t sue me.
…..oooOooo…..
Any birthdays to celebrate this week? Which famous folk came into this world on the
8th of August? Esther Williams 1923 (Not
our Esther; this is the swimmy woman), Terry Nation 1930 (Sacked by Tony
Hancock, so he was in good company), Keith Barron 1934 (Ectaw, dear leddie),
Dustbin Hoffman 1937 (Are you trying to sedooce me, Mrs Robinson?), Nigel
Mansell 1954 (moustachioed racey car bloke), Chris Foreman 1956 (Who? Chrissie
Boy from off of Madness), Dave Evans 1961 (Who?
The Edge from off of U2. You
know, the baldy one who won’t ever take his hat off.), Chris Eubank 1966 (Boxy
bloke. I could have made a joke about
his speech impediment there, but that would be a cruel thing to do. As cruel as some wag at the Beeb Beeb Ceeb
who booked him to present Top of the Pops the very week that he had to
introduce an act thus… ‘And at number six, its Suggs with Cecilia.’ Now, that is just taking the pith.) and Roger
Federer 1981 (Tennisy bloke).
Anyone in amongst that lot able to give us a toon worth
gramblerising? I think so. Step up Chrissie Boy from Madness who enjoys
a certain activity in his motor vehicle…
I like grambling
in my car, it don't look much but I've been far
I like grambling in my car, even with a flat tyre
I like grambling in my car, it's not quite a jaguar
I like grambling in my car, I'm satisfied I've got this far
I like grambling in my car, even with a flat tyre
I like grambling in my car, it's not quite a jaguar
I like grambling in my car, I'm satisfied I've got this far
[I say, steady on. – Ed.]
…..oooOooo…..
How did The
Grambler’s predicting skills fare last week?
We lost. Not a penny back. Zilch.
Zip. In fact, rugger ball. Well,
that’s the cuddies for you. Never mind,
this week the footie season starts proper with 54 senior games in the English
and Scottish leagues kicking off at 3pm on this Saturday, the 8th of
August. So without further ado, here are
the first Grambler predictions for this new grambling year…
Game – Result – Odds
Birmingham vs Reading – Home win – 29/20
Blackburn vs Wolves – Home win – 6/4
Fleetwood vs Southend – Home win – 27/20
Swindon vs Bradford – Home win – 29/20
Accrington vs Luton – Away win – 7/5
…and if the bets
(10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) all go as predicted by The
Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will benefit to the tune of… fanfare please…
£28.72
Oh dear. As I said last week - save your money. Actually, it looks as if the bookies don’t
have much of a clue. Practically all the
‘run of the mill’** games have much the same odds. Why is that?
New season, perhaps. Not sure how
teams will start – some may take a few games to get into their stride, others
will be ‘firing on all cylinders’** from the beginning.
** I do apologise
for lapsing into football cliché mode.
…..oooOooo…..
It’s Teaser
time. Yay! Last week I told you that the 1982 Southampton team included Mick
Channon, Alan Ball, Peter Shilton, Kevin Keegan, Mark Wright and Dave Watson
and asked you what they all have in common?
They all captained the England
One for this week?
How about a football ground question?
Which club moved to its present ground from Boothferry Park
…..oooOooo…..
Once again,
let’s finish with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this
blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer.
If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that
you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign .
…..oooOooo…..
And finally,
Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted
to a Mr W. Rushton for a less than topical cartoon from Private Eye in
1962. Earlier, I mentioned that Terry
Nation had been fired by Tony Hancock and that he was in good company. Hancock was a talented comedian very popular
on radio during the 1950s and, after moving to TV, appeared in some of the most
famous sitcoms yet made – The Blood Donor, The Radio Ham and The Bowmen amongst
them. Unfortunately, he had a huge ego
and thought he could manage without the people who helped him achieve
stardom. This cartoon by Willie Rushton
sums the man up well…
Happy grambling.
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