Friday, 12 October 2018

Week 11 - The Grambler watches Killing Eve


Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

Similarly, if you haven’t heard it, please listen to Geraldine’s moving radio interview which was on Radio Scotland recently.


Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy

 

Have you been watching the Beeb's latest psychological drama, Killing Eve?  Killing Eve? Killing our brain cells more like.  What a load of old tosh.

It didn't look too promising from the start.  Sumptuous filming aside, it appeared to be a vehicle for an American audience made by a British company.  It was obviously written by an American as some of the very American expressions used by the actors, many of whom were British, just didn't ring true from English lips.

However, I thought I would give it a fair airing. Maybe it would improve and I could forgive it such failings.
Basically, it it is about our heroine, Eve (who, incidentally, has the kind of face on her that looks like she is constantly sucking a lemon), chasing a baddy, whose name I never quite worked out, she changed persona so often, who was a crazy assassin.

The first episode gave us a body count of five, as the nutjob killer got into her stride.

After episode three, I had lost count of the number of individuals who had been bumped off.  Twentyish? This really was mental stuff.  It seemed that anyone who looked at this murdering loony the wrong way was immediately despatched.

Now, I reckon this so-called drama was based on a computer shoot ‘em up game where baddies pop up and you have to kill them before they kill you such was the speed at which people were done away with.  It became more about slaughtering than individual kills.  If there had been a 'hits' counter at the bottom of the screen it wouldn't have seemed out of place. 

It wasn't just the number of killings which proved excessive.  The detail that we were subjected to was unnecessarily graphic.  The very first killing showed us in rather too much detail our mental murderess injecting some lethal liquid into the eye of her target. Gruesome doesn't cover it.

Her tactics covered all manner of ways to kill.  Guns, knives and a four-by-four people carrier were all utilised as weapons.  So were teeth.  I swear she bit someone's throat out at one point.

Now, if this programme was only about her killing people, it would have been pretty dull fayre. To make things more interesting... for more interesting read more ludicrous... there was the added plot twist that goodies were actually baddies and nobody knew who was working for who.

It was utter bollocks from start to finish.  Who the hell okays this load of old turnips for transmission?  Probably the same person who thought Deal or No Deal was a sensible idea.

As for the ending... dearie me. That just beggars belief. If you haven't watched the whole series yet, I won't tell you how it ends; I don't want to spoil it for you. [It sounds as if whoever was involved in the programme has already done that. - Ed.]

The worrying thing is, there's going to be another series. I think I'll not bother with that, thank you very much.

 

.....oooOooo.....
 

Were any famous or notorious people born on the 6th of October? Of course, here are some I’ve even heard of. Lillie Langtry 1853 (Ectress who was popular with a certain royal gentleman.), Wilfred Pickles 1904 (Ectaw who liked people to have a go with him.), Art Tatum 1909 (Ivory tickler extraordinaire. Here is Yesterdays.), Cornel Wilde 1912 (Ectaw.), Yves Montand 1921 (attore e cantante/acteur et chanteur.), Lenny Bruce 1925 (Comedian, I think.), Margaret Thatcher 1925 (Who?), Nana Mouskouri 1934 (τραγουδιστής. Here is The White Rose of Athens.), Chris Farlowe 1940 (Chanter. Here is his hit.), Paul Simon 1941 (Musician. Here he is suggesting various means of escape.), John Snow 1941 (Crickety bloke.), Walter McGowan 1942 (Boxy bloke.), Robert Lamm 1944 (Another ivory tickler. A bit of Chicago.  It's Saturday.  Let's go to the park.), Edwina Currie 1946 (Politician. Got on well with John Major.), Sammy Hagar 1947 (Geetarist and chanter. Here he is when he had a spell with Van Halen.), Simon Nicol 1950 (Who, I hear you ask. Guitarist with Fairport Convention and the Albion Band but has also helped out on recording duties with... deep breath... Matthews Southern Comfort, Vashti Bunyan, Mike Heron, John Martyn, John Kirkpatrick and Ashley Hutchings, Steve Ashley, Hokey Pokey, Richard and Linda Thompson (both together and separately), Shirley Collins, Cat Stevens, Al Stewart, Royston Wood & Heather Wood, Dave Swarbrick, Julie Covington, Art Garfunkel, Beverley Craven, Sylvia Nicol, Murray Head, Beth Nielson Chapman, Sandy Denny, Phil Pickett, Alan Simon, Judy Dible, Old Uncle Tom Cobbley and all, Old Uncle Tom Cobbley and all. Howzabout a toon?  Fancy some breakfast? In Mayfair?), Marie Osmond 1959 (Chanter. Here’s her hit.), John Regis 1966 (Runny bloke.), Paul Potts 1970 (Singer and part time dictator. Here he is sending some clowns in.), Sacha Baron Cohen 1971 (Comedian.), Wes Brown 1979 (Footy bloke.), Ashanti 1980 (Chanter. Here is her biggest UK hit... Only U.), David Haye 1980 (Boxy bloke.), Scott Parker 1980 (Footy bloke.), Ian Thorpe 1982 (Swimmy bloke.) and Gabriel Agbonlahor 1986 (Footy bloke.)

 

 

 

I’ve received a letter...

Dear Mr Dangly,

I take great exception to you telling us that Ashanti’s Only U was her biggest UK hit. As a solo artist, perhaps it was, but she had a number one when she was featured on a tune by Ja Rule. I believe R. Kelly was also featured, but I can’t remember the title of the song. Perhaps you can help.

Yours with knobs on,

Juan de Phull.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Let’s move onto grambling matters. How did last week’s bet fare? Hmm. Some money back, but only £1.56, so a loss of 64 pees. Not so good. What happened? Read on...

 

 

Birmingham vs Rotherham - Prediction Home win

Result - Birmingham City 3 Rotherham United 1

Yay!

Lukas Jutkiewicz scored a hat-trick as Birmingham City proved too much for Rotherham.

The Blues striker scored twice from close range in the space of three first-half minutes to give the hosts a deserved 2-0 half-time lead.

He drilled the ball through a crowd of players to complete his first senior career treble after the break.

Jon Taylor's near-post finish gave the Millers a late consolation goal.

 

Middlesbrough vs Nottm. Forest - Prediction Home win

Result - Middlesbrough 0 Nottingham Forest 2

Boo!

Both sides had chances in an open first-half but it was the visitors who made the breakthrough after the interval when Joe Lolley took a pass from a driving Daryl Murphy and smashed a shot into the top corner.

Lolley had a further chance to add to the lead but was denied by Boro (and former Motherwell) keeper Darren Randolph, while cracking name of the week award winner Britt Assombalonga was kept out at the other end by Costel Pantilimon's save.

Lewis Grabban made sure of the points when he turned in Lolley's cross at the near-post and not even the late dismissal of Jack Robinson, for a second yellow card for simulation, could stop Forest claiming the points.

 

Sheffield Utd. vs Hull - Prediction Home win

Result - Sheffield United 1 Hull City 0

Yay!

David McGoldrick scored his fifth goal of the season from the penalty spot after defender Jack O'Connell was pulled down in the area midway through the second half.

Chances were limited in a cagey match at Bramall Lane, but the visitors twice went close after the break with Nouha Dicko and Markus Henriksen forcing good saves from Dean Henderson.

But the Blades saw the game out to seal the victory.

 

Swansea vs Ipswich - Prediction Home win

Result - Swansea City 2 Ipswich Town 3

Boo!

Swansea had made the perfect start when Connor Roberts' cross was deflected in on eight minutes by Janoi Donacien.

Ipswich scored twice in four first-half minutes with Gwion Edwards levelling before Mike van der Hoorn's own goal.

Bersant Celina looked to have rescued a point for Swansea after a superb team move, only for Trevoh Chalobah to head home.

 

West Brom vs Reading - Prediction Home win

Result - West Bromwich Albion 4 Reading 1

Yay!

West Bromwich Albion came from behind to eventually ease to victory against Reading.

The Royals took an early lead through Leandro Bacuna's clinical finish from a corner, before the hosts' Harvey Barnes struck the post.

But the Baggies took full control in the second half, as striker Dwight Gayle produced two well-guided finishes in quick succession to turn the game on its head.

Barnes' fine long-range effort made it 3-1 before defender Kyle Bartley netted Albion's fourth from a corner.

 

Oh dear. Come on Grambler, pull your socks/tights/megabytes up and give us some winners. Please. Pretty please.

What has he/she/it come up with this week?

Game - Result - Odds

Barnsley vs Luton - Prediction Home win - Evens

Accrington vs Bradford - Prediction Home win - 17/20

Oxford Utd vs Plymouth - Prediction Home win - Evens

Carlisle vs Crawley - Prediction Home win - 13/20

Exeter vs Swindon - Prediction Home win - Evens

 

The bets have been placed (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if they all go according to The Grambler’s Prediction, the Bobby Moore Fund stands to receive a whopping...

 

£12.54

 

A bit more whopping than usual. Will it win? Will it fu... Doubt it.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

Teaser time. Yay! Last week I asked you who is the only player to have scored in a Champions League final, FA Cup final, UEFA Cup final and League Cup final. It was, of course, Rangers’ current manager Steven Gerrard. Incidentally, Liverpool (his only club) won on each of those occasions.

One for this week? In the inaugural season of the English Premiershit, which three Yorkshire teams featured? Hmm... One to try down t’pub.

 

.....oooOooo.....

 

As usual, I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign

 

…..oooOooo…..
 

 

And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. B. Anksy for this week’s finishing item. Why Banksy, I hear you ask. Well, this week a Banksy original (the one of the little girl holding a heart-shaped red balloon) was sold at auction. As the hammer went down at something like £1 million, the picture spontaneously ‘shredded’. It all smacks of being a typical Banksy stunt, so the jury is out as to whether it was all a big setup.

As any of you out in gramblerland know, Banksy is my favourite artist; I find his work both clever and funny. I also like the way he takes any opportunity to have a go at the normal pomposity of ‘artists’... Yes it’s very clever, but it’s only a fn painting.

So, let’s finish with another of his ‘works’, a short film which initially appears to support rebel terror groups, but please watch it through to the end...

 
Banksy strikes again
(Thanks to b3ta.com)
 

 

That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com

 

Happy grambling.

 

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