Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see.
Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .
If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997
Stewart began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Read on and enjoy…
Just a short (g)ramble this week and it concerns the world of ageing and memory loss. More specifically, my own memory loss...
I am at that age where I find that I am becoming ever more forgetful. Not only do I forget what I went upstairs for, I go downstairs in order to work out why I was up there and completely forget why I came downstairs.
Names are a particular nuisance. I’ll be watching something on TV when I spot a familiar face. What’s she been in, I’ll ask Mrs G. Who, she responds. Her... thingy. What’s her name? Her; the one playing... oh, what’s the name of her character?
Of course, you can bet that I will lie in bed that night wide awake, not only trying to work out the name of this particular actress, but also thinking what production I had previously seen her in and, indeed, what character she had been playing in the programme I had watched that very night... the name of which escapes me.
Half way through the night, I will sit bolt upright and shout out, ‘Kelly Mulligan!’ much to Mrs G’s annoyance, not just because I had woken her up, but because I had still got the wrong name entirely and mixed up the names of two actresses in the process.
I also forget where I put things. I know everyone does that, but the instance I am about to relate must surely take the biscuit for utter stupidity. On a recent occasion, I was leaving the house and couldn’t find the key to lock up. I looked everywhere I could think of... drawers, trouser and coat pockets all got thoroughly searched, probably several times over. Up the stairs I went. Down the stairs. Up again. Down again. Eventually, I was at a loss as to where the key had got to and was removing my coat, because I obviously couldn’t go out without locking the house. It was then that I found the missing key. Where? In my left hand.
Oh dear. Can it get any worse than that? Of course it can. The other day, thanks to lockdown restrictions easing, I was meeting a friend for a coffee. We took our coats off and sat at a table waiting to be served. It was then that my friend noticed something...
‘Why have you got a dessert spoon in your shirt pocket?’
I looked down and I had, indeed, got a spoon in my pocket.
‘Oh dear. You know what that means don’t you?’ I said.
‘You’re losing your marbles?’ he offered, trying to be helpful.
‘No. My pen’s in the dishwasher.’
Let’s move on to the birthday honours, shall we?
Were any famous or notorious individuals born on the 9th of October? Of course there were. Here are some that even I know.
Alastair Sim 1900 - Actor. The best Ebeneezer Scrooge, ever.
Quintin Hogg 1907 - Politician. Not a real pig.
Alan Breeze 1909 - Singer.
Donald Coggan 1909 - The well-known Archbishop of Canterbury.
John Panton 1916 - Golfy bloke.
Donald Sinden 1923 - Ectaw dear leddie.
John Crossthwaite 1925 - Car chassis engineer.
Joseph Brady 1928 - Actor.
Tony Booth 1931 - Actor. Mike in Till Death Us Do Part. Him.
Bill Tidy 1933 - Cartoonist.
Prince Edward, Duke of Kent 1935 - The well-known duke.
Brian Blessed 1935 - Actor... louder... ACTOR... louder... ACTOR. Better.
John Lennon 1940 - Musician. Had a hit or two. A clip? I suppose so. Here’s a real oldie where John wants to hold your hand.
John Entwistle aka The Ox 1944 - Musician. Bassist with the ’Oo. Have a clip. All together now... People try to put us down...
Robin Stewart 1946 - Actor. Mike in Bless This House. Him. Not a real robin.
Joe Wark 1947 - Fitba guy.
Roddy Llewellyn 1947 - Posh bloke.
Rod Temperton 1949 - Musician. He was famous for writing a few songs, but began his career as writer and keyboard player for Heatwave. Shall we have a clip? How about some Boogie Nights?
Sharon Osborne 1952 - Celebrity wife of Ozzy.
Steve Ovett 1955 - Runny bloke.
David Cameron 1966 - Ex Prime Minister who foolishly thought the British public could decide that Brexit was not a good idea. Will he be remembered for that, though? Doubt it. Oink!
Mat Osman 1967 - Suede bassist and brother of Richard. A clip? I don’t see why not. Here’s some Trash. That was their first number one... only in Finland, though.
Toby Jepson 1967 - Musician. Lead singer with Little Angels and, later, Gun. I think a clip is in order. Here’s an 80s-style bit of film featuring some big hair to accompany 90 In The Shade.
James Dreyfus 1968 - Actor. Played the less butch one in Gimme Gimme Gimme. Tom. Him. [Hang on. I thought the other one was Kathy Burke... Oh, I see what you mean. - Ed.]
PJ Harvey 1969 - Singer-songwriter. Let’s Get Ready to Rumble. With Duncan. That was her, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? Which is she? Ant or Dec? All right, I know she’s not a cheeky Geordie TV presenter. Would you like a clip? Shame.
Steve McQueen 1969 - Film director... not the bloke who drove the Ford Mustang in Bullitt.
Sian Evans 1971 - Singer. Here she is fronting Kosheen with It's All In My Head.
Joe McFadden 1975 - Actor. Raffaello Di Lucca in Holby City. Him.
Leon Pryce 1981 - Rugby bloke.
Lydia Rose Bewley - Actress. Jane in The Inbetweeners Movie and The Inbetweeners 2. Her.
Ross McKinnon 1992 - Fitba guy. Ex-Motherwell player you know.
Olly Stone 1993 - Crickety bloke.
Louis Hynes 2001 - Actor. Vlad in The Great. Him.
What about any famous folk born on the 16th of October?
James II of Scotland 1430 - The well-known king.
Robert Stephenson 1803 - Railway engineer.
Walter Clopton Wingfield 1833 - Who? Oh, the inventor of modern lawn tennis.
Thomas Humber 1841 - Engineer and cycle manufacturer.
Oscar Wilde 1854 - The well-known writer and wit.
William Beardmore 1856 - Founder of William Beardmore & Co.
Austen Chamberlain 1863 - Politician. Half-brother of Neville.
Michael Collins 1890 - Irish revolutionary leader, not the bloke who drove Apollo 11.
Reginald Dixon 1904 - Organist at the Tower Ballroom in Blackpool. Here’s a little film from 1926 showing Blackpool’s Pleasure Beach; Reginald’s playing has been added. All together now... Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside...
Robert Urquhart 1921 - Actor. Henry Forbes in The Plane Makers. Him. Ask your dad.
Max Bygraves 1922 - Unfeasably popular entertainer. Here he sings Out of Town. [Not far enough out of town for my liking. - Ed.]
Bill McLaren 1923 - Rugby commentator.
Angela Lansbury 1925 - Actress and singer. Here she is singing Beauty and the Beast... aged 90.
Lee Montague 1927 - Actor. Factoid. He has the distinction of being the very first storyteller on the Beeb’s long-running children’s programme, Jackanory.
Ivor Allchurch 1929 - Pêl-droediwr.
Peter Bowles 1936 - Actor. Duke of Wellington in Victoria. Him.
Emil Ford 1937 - Musician. Here’s his chart topper from 1959, What Do You Want to Make Those Eyes at Me For. [I’m not even looking at you! - Ed.]
Simon Ward 1941 - Actor. Winston Churchill in Young Winston. Him.
Tommy Gemmell 1943 - Fitba guy.
Dave Hill 1945 - Actor. Currently playing Bert Chapman in All Creatures Great and Small. And, no, he never played guitar with Slade.
Terry Griffiths 1947 - Chwaraewr snwcer.
Nicholas Day 1947 - Actor. Played Jim Prior in The Crown.
Noreen Kershaw 1950 - Actress and director. Phyllis Dobbs in Life On Mars.
Brinsley Forde 1953 - Actor and musician. He was a founder member of Aswad. Here, he takes lead vocals on Shine.
Michael Forsyth 1954 - Politician and banker. I said banker.
Anna Savva 1956 - Actress. Lugaretzia in The Durrells. Her.
Kelly Marie 1957 - Singer. She had a number one with Feels Like I’m in Love, but I’ve given you a link to that one before, so here is the less successful Hot Love, if only to give you a laugh at the garb that her two dancers have been forced to wear.
Gary Kemp 1959 - Musician. Famously, he and his brother Martin were both members of Spandau Ballet. Remember them? Of course, that was before they turned to crime as the Kray twins. A clip? You betcha. Here’s an early one, Musclebound. That is one barking video.
Cressida Dick 1960 - Evening all... One for fans of Dixon of Dock Green, there. What do you mean, who?
Steve Lamacq 1965 - DJ.
John Inglis 1966 - Fitba guy.
Davina McCall 1967 - TV presenter.
Jon Poole aka Random Jon Poole 1969 - Musician. Has been involved with Cardiacs, The Wildhearts, Ginger, Silver Ginger 5, Ginger & The Sonic Circus, The Lotus Eaters and many other acts. A clip? I’ll see what I can do. Here are Cardiacs with Bellyeye.
Kelly Adams 1979 - Actress. Nancy Webb in Mr Selfridge. Her.
Shayne Ward 1984 - Singer and actor. He won the second series of The X Factor and had a Christmas number one in 2005 with That's My Goal.
Anthony Quinlan 1984 - Actor. Pete Barton in Emmerdale. Him.
Ncuti Gatwa 1992 - Actor. Eric Effiong in Sex Education. Him.
And, this being a three-week edition, here are the 23rd of October birthdays.
Elisabeth Pepys 1640 - Sam’s missus.
Frederick W. Lanchester 1868 - Engineer. As well as designing engines for boats and planes, he also built cars. He was an advanced thinker, designing a hybrid car as early as 1927.
Douglas Jardine 1900 - Crickety bloke. Famously came up with what became known as ‘bodyline’ which was a way of bowling that was pitched short so that the ball rose up to hit a batsman’s torso or head. Basically, it was aim to maim bowling. Just not cricket, old chep.
Jack Allen 1907 - Jobbing actor. Seemed to be typecast as military types.
Eunice Black 1914 - Jobbing actress. Often played parts with no name such as Horsey Lady, Dog Lady, Lady with Umbrella or Large Lady.
Jimmy Gordon 1915 - Fitba guy.
Glyn Houston 1925 - Actor isn’t it. Duncan Thomas in Keep It in the Family. Him. 187 credits on IMDb.
Jerome Willis 1928 - Actor. Charles Radley in Within These Walls. Him.
Diana Dors 1931 - Actress. Queenie Shepherd in Queenie’s Castle. Her.
Ewan Hooper 1935 - Actor. Detective Sgt. Smith in Hunters Walk. Him.
Anna Palk 1941 - Actress. Sarah Courteney/Lady Sarah Radchester in The Main Chance. Her.
Colin Milburn 1941 - Crickety bloke.
Anita Roddick 1942 - Business woman.
Mike Harding 1944 - Musician, singer, songwriter, comedian, author, poet, broadcaster and multi-instrumentalist, photographer, traveller, filmmaker and playwright. In fact, a right old smarty boots. Do you want a clip? Here’s Uncle Joe's Mint Balls.
Maggi Hambling 1945 - Artist.
Anthony Bamford 1945 - Businessman. Chairman of JCB. You know, them big bugg... things you always get stuck behind on a busy winding road.
Miles Anderson 1947 - Actor. Lt. Col. Dan Fortune.
Pauline Black 1953 - Actress and singer. She was vocalist with The Selector. Let’s have a clip. Here’s Three Minute Hero.
Graham Rix 1957 - Footy bloke.
Uriah Rennie 1959 - Footy referee.
Beatie Edney 1962 - Actress. Prudie Paynter in Poldark. Her.
Colin Cameron 1972 - Fitba guy.
Christian Dailly 1973 - Fitba guy.
Cat Deeley 1976 - TV presenter. Not a real cat.
Jimmy Bullard 1978 - Footy bloke.
Simon Davis 1979 - Pêl-droediwr.
Emilia Clarke 1986 - Actress. Daenerys Targeryen in Game of Thrones. Her.
Josh Dasilva 1998 - Footy bloke.
I’ve received a letter...
Dear Mike Grambling,
It was so nice to hear one of your funny songs. I remember when you first began your career. Indeed, I used to have a copy of your very first album. Sadly, it is long gone. Like this week’s topic, the old memory isn’t what it was and I can’t even remember what the album was called. Can you help?
How did The Grambler’s predictions fare last time? From our £2.20 stake, we won... £2.16. Close, but no cigar. What happened? Read on...
Cheltenham vs Rotherham - Away win
Result - Cheltenham 0 Rotherham 2
Doncaster vs MK Dons - Away win
Result - Doncaster 2 MK Dons 1
Gillingham vs Wigan - Away win
Result - Gillingham 0 Wigan 2
Hamilton vs Inverness - Away win
Result - Hamilton 2 Inverness 1
Alloa vs Cove Rangers - Away win
Result - Alloa 1 Cove Rangers 3
What about some predictions for this week?
Game - Result - Odds
Blackburn vs Reading - Home win - 4/5
Bournemouth vs Huddersfield - Home win - 3/5
Coventry vs Derby - Home win - 4/5
Luton vs Hull - Home win - 17/20
Peterborough vs QPR - Away win - 19/20
Ten 20 pee doubles plus a single 20 pee accumulator. If the results go as predicted by The Grambler, the Bobby Moore Fund will be richer to the tune of a whopping
I’d hardly call that whopping.
Yay! How did you get on with last time’s five questions? Here are the answers.
1. Who am I?
I was born in 1938 in Glazebury, Lancashire. I joined Liverpool in 1958 and made 404 appearances in the next 11 years, scoring 244 goals. I was capped 34 times for England. I didn’t receive an official knighthood, but Liverpool fans always put ‘Sir’ before my name.
Answer - Roger Hunt
2. Dick Nanninga was the first substitute to score in a World Cup final; for whom?
Answer - Netherlands
3. Emlyn Hughes was capped 62 times; for which country?
Answer - England
4. Which 4th division club reached the first League Cup final in 1962?
Answer - Rochdale (Apologies for the phrasing of that question. Two cup finals took place that year; Aston Villa beat Rotherham in the other, which was in fact the postponed 1961 final. Clear? [As mud. - Ed.])
5. Which German player scored three hat-tricks for Bayern Munich in the UEFA Champions League?
Answer - Mario Gomez
Five for this week? Okey dokey.
1. Who am I?
I was born in Stuttgart in 1967. I am 6’ 4” tall. I joined Mainz in 1990 and made 325 appearances between then and my retirement in 2001. I originally played as a striker but later in my career moved to defence. On retirement, I took on the task of managing the team. I remained there until 2008 when I moved on to manage Borussia Dortmund. In 2015 I moved to an English club.
2. Which club has been managed by Brian Clough and Jimmy Armfield?
3. Who scored Scotland’s only goal in the 1986 World Cup Finals in Mexico?
4. With which club did manager Bob Stokoe lift the FA Cup?
5. Which club plays at Turf Moor?
There you have it; five teasers to test you. Can you answer them without resorting to Googlie or Bung (or any other search engine, for that matter)?
Remember the serious message...
As usual (at the risk of repeating myself), I remind you of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog – to raise awareness about bowel cancer. If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign
Please, take a few minutes to watch an informative little video from Mersh (a great friend of Stewart’s).
Click on this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26HWQXMalX4
And finally, Cyril? And finally, Esther, I am indebted to a Mr. A. Booth who appears in this week’s birthday honours. He is known for three things... He starred alongside Warren Mitchell, Una Stubbs and Dandy Nicholls in Till Death Us Do Part. He is Cherie Blair’s father. He married Pat Phoenix [Who? - Ed.] Ask your mum. Oh, and he was in that shocking comedy porn film series ‘The Confessions of...’
So, as I don’t intend to show you some 1970s style British porn film, here is a clip from Till Death Us Do Part. Although in our politically correct, woke times, the porn film is probably the less likely to cause offence.
In this clip, Antony Booth, as always, plays second fiddle to Warren Mitchell as Alf Garnett. If you are offended by racism from the 1970s, I should warn you not to click on this.
That’s all for this week folks, but remember you can read the musings of The Grambler every week (well, most weeks) by going to the blog at www.thegrambler.com where you can also catch up on any previous editions you may have missed.