How? How am I going to get rich quick? Well, a new series of Dragon’s Den [For our
overseas’ readers I should explain that this is a programme on the Beeb Beeb
Ceeb where would-be entrepreneurs pitch a business idea to a panel of
filthy-rich bastards business people who will possibly offer some financial
backing to make your idea a reality. In
other words, if they can make a huge profit from your idea. Either that, or they will patronise you
mercilessly about your lack of business acumen and basically rip the piss out
of you because you are not as clever, or as rich, as they are. Hope that explains it well enough for you. -
Ed] is underway and I have a brilliant money-making idea.
I don’t know
about you, but when I use my mobile phone I don’t want all and sundry listening
in. Nor do I want to hear everyone
else’s conversation. Why is it that some
people insist on shouting, Dom Joly style, when they use their phone
So here is my
brilliant idea. It is a special place
where you can go to make a phone call in private. How does this work, I hear you ask. Well, in all places where there is likely to
be a lot of people I propose the erection of special booths or kiosks which you
can go into to make telephone calls.
Voila! No longer do people have
to make calls in public; these kiosks would be pretty well sound-proofed.
Ah, I hear you
query, what if I have forgotten my mobile phone and wish to make a call. Do not fret; I have thought of that. Each kiosk would be equipped with a telephone
which, for a nominal sum - say 20 pee - you could use to make a phone
call. This is brilliant, you are
thinking, but how would I recognise these special kiosks, I hear you ask. Well, the kiosk would be clearly marked with
a sign of some sort – say, TELEPHONE, for example. It would also be fairly distinctive too so
that you would recognise it. Possibly
painted bright red. But what if I am a
bit claustrophobic and don’t like dark, confined places, I hear you query. Well, the claustrophobia can’t really be
helped, but it could be made light and airy by having the sides made mainly of
glass.
I think you will
agree, it is a pretty radical idea, but brilliantly simple. I can’t think why no one has come up with it
before.
Just
think how much I could put into the Bobby Moore fund when the profits from that
start rolling in!
Any road up, before we start on
this week’s grambling, you are probably asking: what about some more dieting
advice. You’re not? Well, you should be. So here goes.
Last week I gave you the wonderful exercise called fidgeting. What have I got for you this week? Timing.
Beg pardon? Timing. Question – what do you eat before going to
bed? If your answer is food of any kind,
the Gramblerplan diet tells you - your timing is wrong. How so? The Gramblerplan is that you should eat
nothing after 6pm. You may ask why
6pm? And I will answer why not? All right, instead of a time, let’s say
nothing after your early evening meal.
Covering all bases there. I know
some people call it dinner; some tea. But,
there is a very good reason for not eating after this point. Food takes time to be digested. Food is digested quicker if you are on the
move (or even awake); it doesn’t get digested too well if you are asleep. Am I right?
Course I am. So don’t eat too close
to beddy byes time. Right? Right.
Not arf.
Shall we have a look how The
Grambler fared this week?
Crystal
Palace vs West Bromwich Albion – Draw Naw
Crystal Palace 3 West
Brom 1
Tom Ince made his debut for
Crystal Palace today and scored one goal and assisted in another as Crystal
Palace inflicted another defeat on West Brom.
The win lifts Palace a bit further out of the relegation zone but the
Baggies are firmly stuck in the bottom three.
Five wins all season is not a good record; they may well have won
against Man U, but that’s not such a big deal this season is it. Anyway, what it does mean, and what really
matters to us, is that The Grambler’s first prediction is wrang.
Notts
County vs Coventry City – Away win – Naw
Notts County 3 Coventry 0
The Magpies took the lead on 13 minutes when Hayden Mullins met a Jamal
Campbell-Ryce centre.
James Spencer's 30-yard strike extended their lead just after the
half-hour mark.
And County skipper Alan Sheehan wrapped up the win from the penalty spot
after Campbell-Ryce was brought down in the area three minutes from time.
Sadly, The Grambler well and truly fmucked up this one. Away win said he/she/it and we wound up with
a most emphatic home win. Crap
predicting or what.
Tranmere
Rovers vs Preston North End – Away win Yay
Tranmere 1 Preston North End 2
Joe Garner's brace (didn’t realise he was wearing one)
was enough for Preston to beat struggling Tranmere.
Garner nodded in a cross from Craig Davies to put North End in front
and he saw another headed effort kept out by Tranmere goalkeeper Owain Fon
Williams.
Substitute Jason Koumas burst through three tackles to force a good
save from Declan Rudd before Rovers levelled when Ash Taylor finished from
close range.
Koumas hit the bar with a free-kick before Garner's winner, the striker
rounding off a swift counter attack.
Preston remained fourth, but closed the gap on all three teams above them in
the table, while Tranmere's defeat left them just two points above the
relegation zone.
What can I say? Well done The
Grambler. I take it all back.
Dagenham & Redbridge vs
Hartlepool United – Home win Naw
Dag & Red 0 Hartlepool 2
Luke
Williams scored his first goal in 17 months as Hartlepool saw off the Daggers in League Two.
On-loan striker Williams grabbed his first goal for the club with a
deflected strike to open the scoring.
And
Andy Monkhouse poked home his sixth of the season late on to ensure Dagenham's
first defeat in three games
Another
one wrong Grambler, but, hey, who would have thought the high-flying Daggers would
get beaten at home by the Monkey Hangers
Exeter City
vs Portsmouth – Draw – 23/10 Yay
Exeter 1 Portsmouth 1
And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, The Grambler gets another
one right. Woo hoo!
We have to thank the ref’s watch with
getting this one right for The Grambler.
Portsmouth led from 9 minutes when Jake Jervis tapped in from 6 yards. And that was the end of the scoring until
stoppage time when Liam Sercombe’s shot took a deflection past the Pompey
goalie. So we owe thanks to Mr Sercombe,
to whoever deflected the shot and to that wonderful timepiece which ensured
that we got a bit of dosh back this week.
So I’ll bet you all want to know
just how much The Grambler’s predictions netted us this week. Did we actually make a profit? Did we f… no we didn’t. We got back £1.62 which is only 58 pee
down. Could this be The Grambler
building up to that big win? Doubt it.
Okay, on with this week’s
predictions.
I am confused. [So what’s new? – Ed] No, I am.
There are 4 FA Cup games on this Saturday. Four.
Not 16. Four. So why are there no Premiership games? Haven’t got a scooby.
Anyway, all this means that this
Saturday the 15th of February at 3pm there are 43 senior games for
The Grambler to select from. So, what
has The Grambler randomly picked for us?
Three from the English Leagues and two from the Scottish.
Game – Result – Odds
Bournemouth
vs Burnley – Away win – 7/5
For our first game, we head to
Dean Court where the Cherries play host to the Clarets. The Grambler thinks that Burnley will take
all the points in this encounter. Given
that they sit second in the table with Bournemouth in 15th spot,
that would seem a fair (random) selection.
However, when these clubs last met (at Burnley), the points were
shared. You would think, with home
advantage, Bournemouth should at least take a point. And only two weeks ago they beat league
leaders, Leicester City. Not sure about
this one, Grambler; not sure at all.
Bristol
City vs Tranmere Rovers – Home win – 7/10
Next, we head to Ashton Gate
where the Robins play host to the Rovers.
The Grambler has predicted that this game will go the way of Bristol
City (the well known rhyming slang).
Hmm. Both clubs sit way down the
table on the same points – 31. Surely a
draw would be the more logical choice.
At the previous meeting of these clubs, the points were shared. Logic?
But The Grambler doesn’t work on logic, does he/she/it? Again, not sure.
Portsmouth
vs Wimbledon – Away win – 5/2
For game number 3 we head to
Fratton Park where Pompey play host to the Dons. The Grambler reckons Wimbledon will take the
points. Obviously, he/she/it reckons the
Dons will simply overwhelm Portsmouth as happened in their previous encounter
this season which Wimbledon won 4-0.
Hmm. Portsmouth is, admittedly, a
bit crap at home, winning only 5 out of 15 played. Then again, Wimbledon are utter sh*** on the
road winning only 3 of 14; most of their points seem to come from home
games. Once again, can’t agree with The
Grambler.
Hibernian
vs Ross County – Home win – 10/11
Next, we head to Easter Road
where the Hibees play host to the Staggies.
The Grambler has this one down as a home win. Based on league positions such a prediction
would seem sensible, but hold on there Bald Eagle, Hibs have lost their past 3
games and Ross County have lost only one of the past 6 played. Hmm (again).
This season the clubs have met 3 times already – twice in the league and
once in the Scottish Cup. Hibs have won
twice and drawn once. Not looking so
good for County. Unless County can
recreate some of the form of the previous season when Hibs lost all three
encounters, I can’t see The Grambler being wrong here. As they chant at Easter Road – ‘Hoibees! Hoibees!’
Forfar
Athletic vs Dunfermline Athletic – Away win – 11/10
And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther The Grambler takes us to Station
Park where the Loons play host to the Pars.
The Grambler thinks Dunfermline can take all the points here. Yet again, I say hmm. Yes Dunfermline are a lot further up the
table being 2nd to Forfar’s 7th. That doesn’t sound much of a gap until you
realise 7th place is also 4th bottom. However, the clubs have already met twice this
season; the last game was a one all draw and the previous was a 4 nil win for
for for Forfar. Can Dunfermline turn
those scores right round and secure a win.
I think it might be beyond them, but who am I to doubt The magnificent
Grambler.
So there you have it my little
grambling chums 5 games, 5 predictions and 5 bets. Well, if we are being accurate it is 11 bets –
10 doubles and 1 five-game accumulator.
Anyway, you want to know how much will be heading for the Bobby Moore
Fund (via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3
) if all the predictions are correct.
Are you ready for this?
£22.03
Not bad, eh? Could this be the week? Could it?
Nah!
As you are probably aware,
Stewart (the founder of this amazing blog) died last August of the horrible
disease that is bowel cancer. At that
time Geraldine (his wife) began ‘The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside Fund’
(go to https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3
for info) to raise money which would go towards research into a cure for bowel
cancer and she set herself a target of 10,000 quid. We (her family) all thought that was a trifle
optimistic [I’ve never met an optimistic trifle – Ed]. However, less than 6 months on, the amount
raised for the fund is already over 70 per cent of the way there. So, I would like to take this opportunity to
thank everybody who has put into the fund over the past few months (and,
indeed, anyone who feels like putting into the fund – we still want to raise
that 10,000 quid remember). Thanks to
each and every one of you.
Shall we finish with a funny? A certain coffee shop should not use vans
which have sliding doors….
Thank you and goodnight.
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