Don’t worry, fair
reader; all will be revealed.
It is tentatively
linked to the great Gramblerplan diet.
Very well, thanks for asking.
Lost a couple of pounds this week.
Where was I? Oh yes. Linked to diet. You see, when you go on a diet, you aren’t
supposed to eat certain things – sweets, cakes, biscuits…mmm…crisps,
peanuts…oh, I’ve dribbled on my keyboard again.
Now I love all those things. How
would I cope on a diet without a wee treat now and then. Well, I managed to cut out the sweet things,
but we had some peanuts left over from Crimbo and I was finding it hard to
resist them. Solution – wasabi
peas. Yes, they are peas, but they are
roasted and coated with wasabi which is a hot mustardy flavouring. Unlike peanuts, which I can guzzle by the
handful, I can only eat one or two wasabi peas at a time. Don’t misunderstand; I do like them, but they
have a strong flavour and a couple at a time is plenty for me. The problem is their hardness. Harder than peanuts. More on a par with…erm…granite. I am sure you are way ahead of me…Yep. Crunch!
I got an appointment with my dentist, straightaway. ‘That’s a nasty cavity, that’s a nasty
cavity,’ he said. I asked him why he
repeated himself and he said… ‘Did I? Did I?’*
Anyway, he managed to fix it. No
more wasabi peas for me.
* Apologies to anyone who expected Chic Murray’s punchline to
that.
Want some good dieting tips? How about this one? Fidget.
Pardon, what, excuse me? Yes,
fidget. When you are sitting, you could
be fidgeting. You remember how you used
to be told ‘sit still’ or ‘sit at peace’?
Well, don’t. Be as restless as it
is possible to be. Seriously. It is a good way to burn off the calories. In fact, to help you, there even a song to
sing as you are doing the movements. Oh
yes. You might be able to guess which
toon it is based on -
Everybody’s got ants in their pants,now
(Come on baby, do the Grambler-motion)
I know you'll get to like it if you give it a chance now
(Come on baby, do the Grambler-motion)
(Come on baby, do the Grambler-motion)
I know you'll get to like it if you give it a chance now
(Come on baby, do the Grambler-motion)
My little baby sister can do it with me
It's easier to learn than your A B C's
So come on, come on, do the Grambler-motion with me
It's easier to learn than your A B C's
So come on, come on, do the Grambler-motion with me
You gotta move your hips, now
Come on, baby
arms up, arms back
Well, now, I think you've got the knack
Come on, baby
arms up, arms back
Well, now, I think you've got the knack
Now that you can do it, let's make a change,
now
(Come on baby, do the Grambler-motion)
Move your legs in motion as you sing this refrain, now
(Come on baby, do the Grambler-motion)
(Come on baby, do the Grambler-motion)
Move your legs in motion as you sing this refrain, now
(Come on baby, do the Grambler-motion)
Do it nice and easy, now, don't lose control
A little bit of rhythm and a lot of soul
So come on, come on, do the Grambler-motion with me
A little bit of rhythm and a lot of soul
So come on, come on, do the Grambler-motion with me
Wiggle in your chair in a Grambler-motion
(Come on baby, do the Grambler-motion)
Waggling your hands if you get the notion
(Come on baby, do the Grambler-motion)
(Come on baby, do the Grambler-motion)
Waggling your hands if you get the notion
(Come on baby, do the Grambler-motion)
There's never been a movement
that's so easy to do
It even makes you happy when you're feeling blue
It even makes you happy when you're feeling blue
So come on, come on, do the
Grambler-motion with me.
Whose birthday have we got this week? Only the writer of that very song. Why!
What a coincidence! What are the
chances of that happening? 72 this week;
happy birthday Carole King.
Karaoke?
Now you’re talking. I am the
bee’s whiskers (or should that be cat’s knees?) at karaoke. You haven’t lived til you’ve seen my Great
Balls of Fire and my Armadillo. [Steady
on now – Ed] People come from miles around just to witness
this remarkingbule phenomenomenon. I’ll
give you an quick rendish…rendit… I’ll sing it for you. ‘Heez ettur why tyoo Armadillo? Hever nade ha’ve bin hurgin may
pillhorr. Herdreamin dreams hov
Armadillo, Hen sweed merrie hyoo wades for me.’ I’ve seen people crying when
they hear that. I’ll give you a touch of
me Great Balls…
No you won’t.
Time to get on with grambling matters.
So how did The Grambler do last Saturday? Not as well as the previous 2 weeks. Oh, we got some money back. Woo hoo!
Trouble is, it was only 62 pee.
Boo! Never mind. Here’s how the predictions went.
Game 1 – Cardiff City 2 Norwich City 1
The Grambler got us off to a flier with this one,
predicting a home win. Baby-faced
manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer at last got a win from his team. The win takes Cardiff off the bottom of the table, moving them all the way
up to …erm…second bottom.
Game 2 – Everton 2 Aston Villa 1
Woo hoo! Two on
the trot for The Grambler! In the battle
of the ex-Motherwell men, it was Roberto Martinez who won. I’m glad about that, because when he was a
player, he didn’t move to another Scottish side and then come to Fir Park and score against his old club, did he Paul Lambert?
Game 3 – Swindon Town 0 Oldham Athletic 1
Knew it was too good to last. The Grambler had this down as a home
win. I agreed with him/her/it but did
point out that Oldham had won the previous encounter. Of course it didn’t help that Swindon wound up with 10 men when half-time sub Troy Archibald-Henville was
sent off after a second yellow card.
Troy Archibald-Henville? No doubt
his butler ran him an early bath.
Game 4 – Cheltenhan Town 1 Northampton Town 1
Bugger! The
Grambler had this down for a home win too.
Cheltenham had a cracking start, Jamie Cureton scoring for them
on 2 minutes. For the next 74 minutes
The Grambler looked to have it sewn up but, then, on 76 minutes Matty Blair
thought – No Grambler, you are not getting this one – and flaming well
scored. I told you Grambler! I did.
I said a draw, but did you listen?
Did you f… no you didn’t.
Game 5 – Plymouth Argyle 1 Mansfield Town 1
Another draw!
The Grambler went for home win again.
What did I say? I said a draw,
but, once again, The Grambler didn’t listen.
Arrgh!
So, in conclusion, last week’s results were pretty crap. Let’s get started on this week’s predictions,
shall we? Only 46 games for The Grambler
to choose from and of those a mere 6 come from the Scottish leagues. Scottish Cup weekend, see. Do you know what, it’s nearly midnight on Friday as I write this. I have just had a Ballantynes 17 year old,
followed by a wee Glen Grant and finally a Glenfiddich. I really can’t be ars…bothered going into
lengthy detail about this week’s predictions.
Let’s just have the facts, shall we?
Game – Result – Odds
Crystal Palace vs West Bromwich
Albion – Draw – 23/10
Notts County vs Coventry City – Away
win – 7/5
Tranmere Rovers vs Preston North
End – Away win – 1/1
Dagenham & Redbridge vs
Hartlepool United – Home win – 17/10
Exeter City vs Portsmouth – Draw –
23/10
Okay? Happy with that? Hope so.
Any road up, you will all be desperate to know how much dosh will be
heading the way of the Bobby Moore Fund via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3
. Well, this week, if all results go
according to The Grambler’s predictions, the fund will benefit to the tune of –
Over 20 quid!
I knew I shouldn’t have had those whiskies.
Hic!
To finish, here is a way to entertain your local traffic warden…
…especially one with a keen sense of humour.
Happy grambling.
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