Stewart was an amazing
person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an
adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and will be
missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never
be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund
which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel
cancer. If you wish to donate to the
fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3
.
If you haven’t already
done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn
from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family,
even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what
you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997
His wish was that The Grambler
should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most
ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…
First up this week, I
want to apologise for the rude, racist joke that ended last week’s edition of
the wonderful blog that is thegrambler.com.
I am not apologising for it being a bit rude, nor am I apologising for
its racist content. No, I am apologising
for the fact it was such a dreadful gag.
All gags are contrived, but this was just awful. It was a poor imitation of another gag…
Stevie Wonder is
playing a gig in Japan (See? Same
setting.) and the audience are crying out for him to play a jazz chord. He gives them a couple of the funkiest tunes
in his repertoire – Superstition, Jamming – but still they cry out for him to
play a jazz chord. He gives them Sir
Duke and For Once in My Life, but still they cry out for a jazz chord. He gives them Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing
and Happy Birthday, but still they cry out the same thing – ‘Play a jazz
chord.’ He finally runs out of ideas and
asks what on earth they want of him…and they sing ‘A jazz chord to say I love
you…’
Basically a cleaner
version of the same gag. Still racist
though.
…..oooOooo…..
Right what has been
happening that might interest you? Well,
last Sat’dy we had a quiz in memory of Stewart to raise funds for the Bobby
Moore Fund (via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside Fund). Organised and run by Stewart’s closest
friends, the night raised a staggering £2400 for the fund. Brilliant or what? Remember, anyone who is reading this, you too
can make a contribution. It doesn’t have
to be much. You can donate as little as
2 quids. Just go to https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3/,
click on donate and follow the steps. Go
on. You know you want to help kick
cancer’s backside.
There was a special
prize for the best team name. Obviously
the Gramblettes didn’t win, but the team that did was certainly worthy of its
award. It was called ‘664 The Neighbour
of The Beast’. Brilliant, or what?
…..oooOooo….
I told you last week that I had been to a concert. The Australian Pink Floyd. Pretty good they were.
The venue for the concert was the new Hydro in Glasgow
I was fortunate that my seat was at the front of an elevated
section. I had an excellent view of the
stage and really enjoyed both the music and the spectacular light show. Not so those souls who had paid for the
‘expensive’ seats. These seats were all
at the same low level. Not the best
place to be, in my opinion. Why? Because of the current obsession of observing
a concert via a mobile phone (See http://www.thegrambler.com/2014/06/week-42-see-my-friends-gramblin-cross.html).
As I looked down at these groundlings (as they were known in
Shakespeare’s day) I could see, what seemed like, 1 in 5 attempting to film the
whole concert. Are you mad? You have just paid over 40 quid for a ticket
and you spend the whole show watching it through a four inch screen! This show was a visual and audio treat but,
rather than savouring it, you numpties were recording it so that you could
watch it later and enjoy shaky camerawork accompanied by dodgy sound
quality.
You could have saved yourself a lot of dosh by simply not even
bothering to attend the concert and, instead, just going out and buying a dvd
by the band. You know. Professionally recorded. Excellent visuals captured perfectly. Sound quality as good as the real thing.
And do you know something else all you amateur film makers? You probably ruined the concert for all those
around you. The people who paid as much
as you did for their tickets and had to endure the whole thing through a sea of
arms because you wanted to hold your cameras above head level.
I have never before thought a great deal about the request that
sometimes gets made before concerts asking audience members not to take
photographs. After seeing the multitude
of camera phone lights, I can understand and agree with the thinking. Looking down at the audience seated on the
lower level, I was reminded of those old concerts where the audience would wave
their cigarette lighters in the air in a swaying motion in time to a ballady
type of song. Well, naked flames aren’t
allowed any more. A switched on camera
phone makes a handy substitute. Only
these phones aren’t meant to be moving.
They are though. Just enough for
the resulting footage to be practically unwatchable.
…..oooOooo…..
Hey, guess what. There are more Gramblers in this world. Yep.
Since 2008 a rather nice singer of some rather nice toons called Nicki
Bluhm (That’s the rather nice singer, not the rather nice toons) has performed
with her backing band, The Gramblers.
Fancy that. Would you like a wee
sample? Then click on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC4GufIBps8
and enjoy. Guess what else. The band’s geetarist and songwriter Deren Ney
follows us on Twitter - @Lets Gramble - what an honour. For him.
…..oooOooo…..
Any birthdays to mention? What famous people were born on the 7th
of March? Maurice Ravel 1875 (model of
car), Anthony Armstrong-Jones 1930 (posh bloke with a camera), Ranulph Fiennes
1944 (bloke who thinks he is still in the 19th century), Vivian
Richards 1952 (crickety bloke), Bryan Cranston 1956 (raising hell), Rik Mayall
1958 (Lord Flashheart. Woof!), Ivan
Lendl 1960 (tennissy bloke), Jesper Parnevik 1965 (golfy bloke) and Rachel
Weisz 1970 (she loves her mummy). Hmm,
nobody in there able to give us a toon for gramblerising, but we have another
musical anniversary to celebrate. Oh
yes. On the 7th of March 30
years ago, the good ol U S of A got into the aid for Africa appeal and We Are
The World was released. Apparently, it
was Harry Belafonte who first mooted the idea.
Or was it Bob Geldof. No
matter. Michael Jackson and Lionel
Ritchie got together and composed this dreadful piece of s*** and got all their
rich pals to sing on the recording. Quite
a few big names were in there. Are you
ready for this? They were (deep breath)
– Lionel Ritchie, Stevie Wonder, Paul Simon, Kenny Rodgers, James Ingram, Tina
Turner, Billy Joel, Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, Dionne Warwick, Willie Nelson,
Al Jarreau, Bruce Springstein, Kenny Loggins, Steve Perry, Daryl Hall, Huey
Lewis, Cyndi Lauper, Kim Carnes, Bob Dylan and Ray Charles. They were just the soloists who each sang a
line. There were others in the
chorus. They were (another deep breath)
– Dan Aykroyd (yeah, I wondered why he was there an’ all), Harry Belafonte,
Lyndsay Buckingham, Mario Cipollina (a member of ‘the News’ as in Huey Lewis and…), Johnny
Colla (another ‘New’), Sheila E, Bob Geldof, Bill Gibson (News’ drummer. Huey obviously thought they were all
invited.), Chris Hayes (Yep, another one), Sean Hopper (and again), Jackie, La
Toya (Barbara), Marlon, Randy and Tito Jackson (Michael brought his whole
family with him), Waylon Jennings, Bette Midler, John Oates, Jeffrey Osborne,
Anita, June and Ruth Pointer and, finally, Smokey Robinson. Some line-up, eh? And yet the song was awful. No matter.
It sold by the bucketload. Over
20 million. It isn’t just me that thinks
the song is dreadful…
American journo
Greill Marcus likened it to a jingle for Pepsi…
‘the constant repetition of 'There's a choice we're making' conflates
with Pepsi's trademarked 'The choice of a new generation' in a way that, on the
part of Pepsi-contracted song writers Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie, is
certainly not intentional, and even more certainly beyond the realm of
serendipity. In the realm of
contextualization, 'We Are the World' says less about Ethiopia than it does
about Pepsi—and the true result will likely be less that certain Ethiopian
individuals will live, or anyway live a bit longer than they otherwise would
have, than that Pepsi will get the catch phrase of its advertising campaign
sung for free by Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Bruce Springsteen, and all the
rest.’
Author Reebee
Garofalo agreed and expressed the opinion that the line ‘We're saving our own
lives’ was a ‘distasteful element of self-indulgence.’ He asserted that the artists of USA for
Africa were proclaiming ‘their own salvation for singing about an issue they
will never experience on behalf of a people most of them will never encounter.’
Despite such
negativity, it’s still worth a bit of gramblerising. Who knows; it might even improve it.
We are the gramblers
We are the ones who make a grambler day
So lets start grambling
There's a choice we're making
We're grambling our own lives
It's true we make a grambler day
Just you and me...
We are the ones who make a grambler day
So lets start grambling
There's a choice we're making
We're grambling our own lives
It's true we make a grambler day
Just you and me...
I was never a fan of
Only Fools and Horses, the Beeb Beeb Ceeb sitcom from the 80s and beyond but,
on one of the few occasions I watched it, I remember a part where Rodney (Dave)
was trying to explain who Bob Dylan was.
He nailed it with – ‘He was the bloke who couldn’t sing at the end of We
Are The World.’
…..oooOooo…..
How did The
Grambler’s predictions fare this week?
We won. Yay! No, not yay.
We only won 95 pees. Oh
well. What happened? Read on…
Bournemouth vs Blackburn – Prediction Home win
Result – Bournemouth 0 Blackburn 0
Ooh! ‘It the bar!
Marc Pugh had the chance to give the Cherries an early
lead but his effort was tipped over by Jason Steele.
Rovers' Rudy Gestede played Chris Taylor in on goal
soon after but the midfielder dragged his shot just wide.
Yann ‘Shag’ Kermorgant could have sealed three points
for the hosts late on but he rattled the bar with a headed effort.
Despite the Cherries' dominance, they could not find
the target, squandering the chance to close the gap on top two Derby Middlesbrough , who both lost.
The hosts struggled to assert themselves in a scrappy
first half but Bournemouth midfielder Ryan Fraser was unlucky
not to hit the target from close range.
Callum Wilson came close to putting Bournemouth ahead
just before the break but Matthew Kilgallon defended well to keep the scores
level.
Some poor defending from the visitors allowed Pugh to
cross to the onrushing Wilson who could not connect.
Wilson and Pugh linked up again as Bournemouth dominated the opening of the second
period but the latter fired weakly at Steele.
Kermorgant was unfortunate not to give the hosts the
lead in the closing stages but Steele superbly saved his pinpoint header.
Minutes later, Kermorgant latched onto Simon Francis'
cross but his powerful header hit the crossbar.
Cardiff vs Wolves – Prediction Home win
Result – Cardiff 0 Wolves 1
Boooo!
Wolverhampton
Wanderers won their third match in a row with a 1-0 win at 10-man Cardiff City
Bakary Sako's low shot finished off a Wolves
first-half counter-attack to put the visitors ahead.
Bluebirds midfielder Peter ‘Dick’ Whittingham was sent
off in the second-half after two bookable offences.
Defender Richard Stearman cleared the ball off the
line in injury-time as Cardiff
Rotherham vs Millwall – Prediction Home win
Result – Rotherham 2 Millwall 1
Yay!
Crowd trouble
marred Rotherham 's crucial victory over relegation
rivals Millwall at the New York Stadium.
Police had to push visiting fans back as Rotherham completed a second-half comeback to
leave Millwall six points from safety in the Championship.
Martyn Woolford had given Millwall the lead but Danny
Ward struck an equaliser just after half-time.
Kari Arnason scored the winner five minutes from time
to put the Millers six points above the drop zone.
Millwall supporters chanted for the sacking of manager
Ian Holloway and tried to invade the home fans' areas with police forced to
intervene.
Rotherham, without a win in their last four league
matches, started well and put the Millwall penalty area under considerable
pressure, with David Forde palming away Ben ‘Crispy’ Pringle's free-kick.
But the Lions scored against the run of play after 20
minutes when Shaun Williams' cross was headed back across goal by Gary
Taylor-Fletcher and Woolford's looping volley beat Adam Collin.
Millwall had a chance to make to it 2-0 nine minutes
before the break as Lee Gregory's shot from close range was kept out by Collin.
Pringle's deep cross was headed back across goal and
Ward's low volley from 12 yards caught a slight deflection and beat Forde.
The hosts pushed for the winner and almost took the
lead in the 63rd minute when Hunt burst into the area but his fierce drive hit
the post and Ward's effort from the rebound was palmed away by Forde.
Their pressure was rewarded in the 85th minute when
Arnason was left unmarked from Pringle's corner and he headed home the winner.
Chesterfield vs Fleetwood – Prediction Home win
Result – Chesterfield 3 Fleetwood 0
Yay!
Promotion-chasing
Chesterfield
Caolan Lavery slotted in from 12 yards to open the
scoring and Sam Hird bundled in a rebound for the second.
Antoni Sarcevic was then shown two yellow cards for
dissent in quick succession, resulting in his dismissal before the interval.
Sam Morsy's low shot made it 3-0 before Alexander was
sent to the stands
Coventry vs MK Dons – Prediction Away win
Result – Coventry 2 MK Dons 1
Booo!
Chris Stokes' header and a slick finish from Dominic
Samuel in the first 12 minutes gave the hosts early control.
The Dons dominated the second half but broke through
only once when Daniel Powell converted Carl Baker's cross.
So only two out
of five right for The Grambler. Can
he/she/it do better this week? Let’s
hope so. As it is cup weekend in both
England and Scotland, there are only 46 senior games taking place on Saturday
the 7th of March at 3 pm.
What five have been selected by The Grambler?
Game – Result – Odds
QPR vs Tottenham – Prediction Away win – 4/5
Wolves vs Watford – Prediction Home win – 7/5
Peterborough vs Leyton Orient – Prediction Home win – Evens
Shrewsbury vs Cambridge – Prediction Home win – 4/6
Dunfermline vs Ayr – Prediction Home win – 8/11
There we have it
my little gramblerinis, The Grambler has (randomly) chosen and the bets (10 x
20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) are on. So how much will be winging its way to the
Bobby Moore Fund via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside Fund?
£12.29
Will it
happen? Will it f… Probably not.
Shall we move on
to our teaser? [Ooh, yes! Let’s! – Ed.]
Last week I asked you which current Premiershit team has never featured
in an FA Cup final. The answer is
Swansea. Maybe it’s because they are
Welsh.
What about one
for this week? What was missing from the
English Premiershit for the first time after the 11th of February
2015? Hmm….
Before we do our
‘and finally’ bit, may I ask all you readers of this wonderful blog that is
thegrambler.com to tell everyone you know to start reading it. Maybe they won’t appreciate the tripe that
gets written but, hopefully, they will learn something about the horrible
disease of bowel cancer. We are told so
often that 95% of cases are in people aged over 50. This is true, but the other 5% can be any
age. Let people know this. Let them know that any bowel problems should
be investigated immediately, no matter how young they are. Don’t be fobbed off with the line ‘You’re too
young to get bowel cancer’. You’re never
too young. http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign
And finally,
Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted
to ‘In Living Color’ for a version of We are the World that is closer to the
truth…
Happy grambling.
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