The Grambler

Saturday, 18 April 2015

Week 37 - The Grambler on Cammo

Stewart was an amazing person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good. We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer. If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent. It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

He began writing The Grambler when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery. He loved all aspects of football and was a lifelong Motherwell supporter. His wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige. Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…

I may have mentioned that Britain goes to the polls in less than a month’s time. The behaviour of politicians becomes rather odd when a general election is in the offing. And the lies become bigger than usual. The government of the day begins to believe that what has been done in its term of office was actually good for the country! Really? They begin to talk about the state the country in glowing terms as if everything is ticketyboo. There are more businesses opening up than there ever were, they say. That will be all those pawnbrokers, money lenders and charity shops we are seeing amid all the boarded up shops, will it? Not to mention all those food banks that are springing up all over the place. Apparently there have never been so many in employment as there are in current-day Britain. Yeah…probably all working for pawnbrokers, money lenders and charity shops. And those food banks don’t run themselves.

They also start to make promises about what they will give to the people of Britain if they are returned to power. Why? You are the government; give us what you think we want now! Not after the election when you get back in and say, ‘Did we promise you that? We were only joking. Sorry.’

David Cameron has been giving interviews while he is doing ‘ordinary’ things (and looking distinctly uncomfortable about it). We see him chopping tomatoes in his kitchen. Excuse me? I would wager that he had never before set foot in that kitchen, let alone chop tomatoes. No. I think what actually happened is this. His cook chopped up some tomatoes, handed Cammo the knife and stepped out of camera range while the interview was taking place. She was probably prompting him in how to hold the knife during the interview. Either that or it is a Beeb Beeb Ceeb studio kitchen of the sort used on Masterchef.

We then see Cammo drinking coffee out of a mug. Him drink out of a mug? Pull the other one. That’s cook’s mug, that is. And she probably had to make the coffee that was in it.

We then see our beloved leader [Think there is a touch too much sarcasm here. – Ed.] at a football match where he is pretending to shout encouragement to his son who is playing. Of course, the prime minister is always down the football park, cheering on his lad. Who’s he kidding? Doubt if he even knows what sport his son is playing…

‘Come on, Cameron Minor. Erm… do a goal with that round thing…(to interviewer)…What is that round thing? A ball? Wrong shape, surely. And why don’t they just pick the jolly thing up, the way I did at my prep school?’

Honestly, it is just embarrassing to watch this toff pretending to be ‘one of us’. Do you remember John Major being chauffeur-driven round the area where he grew up and reminiscing? Unlike Cammo, Major did come from a less than fabulously wealthy background, but even his attempts to ‘retrace his roots’ looked false and patronising.

Sadly, one thing that politicians rarely are is truthful. This getting down wiv da massive looks so completely false. Tell you what Cammo, try being truthful in this election campaign…

‘Do you want to be exploited by posh people like me? Work for the minimum wage and make your wealthy employer even richer? Be unable to afford decent accommodation and have to rent from a private landlord who hates to make repairs to his properties but loves to rake in the cash? Then vote Tory. You know we make sens…ible decisions that mean huge dividends to shareholders while bleeding dry those that actually do any work.’

That’s more honest, isn’t it?

Charlie Brooker called it right when he stated - ‘The Conservative party is an eternally irritating force for wrong that appeals exclusively to bigots, toffs, money-minded machine men, faded entertainers and selfish, grasping simpletons who were born with some essential part of their soul missing.’

Hear hear, brother.

…..oooOooo…..

Let’s move away from politics and onto birthdays. What famous individuals entered this world on April the 18^th? Lucretia Borgia 1480 (Victor Borge’s mum), Leopold Stokowski 1882 (Pal of Mickey Mouse), James Drewry 1934 (Ian’s dad), Hayley Mills 1946 (Actress named after Hayley Selassie, the well-known drag act), James Woods 1947 (Eli’s lad), Rick Moranis 1953 (Rick Moran is what?), Malcolm Marshall 1958 (Crickety bloke), Bez 1964 (Bloke that can dance in an odd manner. Erm… that’s it), Hayley Gabrselassie 1973 (Bloke that can run. Erm… that’s it) and Maurice Edu 1986 (Footie bloke). Hmm… Can’t think of anyone in there who can provide us with a toon to gramblerise… unless…

He's gonna gramble you again, he's gonna gramble you
He's gonna gramble you again, he's gonna gramble you
You're gramblin' my melon man, you know you talk so hip man
You're gramblin' my melon man

That was Step On by the Happy Mondays. Remember them? Shaun Ryder? Mark Berry? Who? Mark Berry is ‘Bez’, the bloke who ‘danced’. I always wanted to ask, why is he there? He dances. That’s all. No singing. No playing an instrument. Nothing. Just dance. In hindsight, he is probably the reason anybody remembers the Happy Mondays… ‘Oh yeah, the Happy Mondays. They were the ones with that tw*t dancing.’

…..oooOooo…..

How did we fare with our bets last week? Not very well. Oh, we got a return from our £2.20 stake, but only 68 pees [Wasn’t that a hit for the Alarm? – Ed.]. What happened? Read on and all shall be revealed…

Sunderland vs Crystal Palace – Prediction Away win

Result – Sunderland 1 Crystal Palace 4

Yay!

Glenn Murray put the Eagles ahead when he headed in from close range after Bolasie's deflected cross.

Yannick Bolasie added a second soon afterwards as he poked the ball past Costel Pantilimon after Murray's knockdown.

A lofted finish from Bolasie made it 3-0 and he completed his hat-trick from Murray's pass before Connor Wickham volleyed in a late consolation.

Birmingham vs Wolves – Prediction Away win

Result – Birmingham 2 Wolves 1

Boo!

Wolves looked on course for a fifth straight win when striker Benik Afobe shot home from 10 yards.

Defender Rob Kiernan levelled four minutes later, scrambling home his first goal for Blues from a corner.

Winger Demarai Gray raced clear to fire Blues' winner after the break to gift all three points to the hosts.

Ipswich vs Blackpool – Prediction Home win

Result – Ipswich 3 Blackpool 2

Yay!

Blackpool took a shock lead when Andrea Orlandi coolly swept home Henry Cameron's ball in from the left.

Freddie Sears volleyed in an equaliser and then slotted in a second soon after as Town looked to have taken control.

Cameron levelled for Blackpool midway through the second half before Christophe Berra headed in a late home winner.

Oldham vs Sheffield United – Prediction Away win

Result – Oldham 2 Sheffield United 2

Ooh! ‘It the bar!

Dominic Poleon opened the scoring from 12 yards out after hesitation in the Blades' defence and added a second with a fantastic 35-yard shot on the turn.

After Poleon missed a chance for a hat-trick, Jason Holt pulled one back from eight yards out.

Jamie Murphy forced home a corner which referee Richard Clark had overruled his assistant to award.

United could have won it but Michael Doyle's shot from 20 yards out hit a post.

Dunfermline vs Stranraer – Prediction Away win

Result – Dunfermline 1 Stranraer 0

Boo!

After an evenly-matched first half, the Pars took control, with Blues keeper David Mitchell saving shots from Ryan Thomson and Andy Geggan.

The deadlock was finally broken with just eight minutes remaining.

Substitute Fayssal El Bakhtaoui broke clear and coolly fired in a low drive from the edge of the box into the bottom left of Mitchell's goal.

Okay, so not a good week with only two of the five predictions going our way. Maybe The Grambler can do a bit better this week. Let’s see what he/she/it has to offer us this week…

Game – Result – Odds

Blackburn vs Nottingham Forest – Prediction Home win – 21/20

Brentford vs Bolton – Prediction Home win – 1/2

Wigan vs Brighton – Prediction Home win – 7/5

Barnsley vs Peterborough – Prediction Draw – 12/5

Crewe vs Walsall – Prediction Away win – 23/20

There you have it, my little gramblerinis, The Grambler has chosen, the bets (10 x 20 pee doubles plus 1 x 20 pee accumulator) have been placed and, if they all come up, the Bobby Moore Fund will be receiving… fanfare please…

£21.16

Will it happen? Will it fu… Probably not. Still, we can all dream [Don’t you mean have nightmares? – Ed].

…..oooOooo…..

Righty ho, teaser time. Last week I told you that only four teams have won the English top league title three times in a row. Manchester United, Arsenal and Liverpool are three, but I asked which is the fourth club to hold the honour? The answer is Huddersfield Town who were the first club to achieve the feat way, way back in 1926.

What about one for this week? Can you name the only player to have played in the World Cup, the UEFA Champions League, UEFA Cup, Intertoto Cup, all four levels of the English League and also in the Conference League? Another cracker to ask down the pub, I think. Answer next week.

…..oooOooo…..

For the last few weeks I have finished with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog. I’m going to do it yet again. Yes, we have raised well over £20,000 for the Bobby Moore Fund, but the blog is mainly about raising awareness of bowel cancer. There is an advertising campaign which tries to persuade people over 50 to take the time to do a simple 2 yearly test which could signify the early symptoms of bowel cancer. What the advert does not do is point out that young people can also fall victim to the disease. Stewart was 26 when he was diagnosed; an age where no testing is considered appropriate.

If you have any bowel problems, don’t be fobbed off with the line that you are too young for bowel cancer to be a consideration. Just point your doctor in the direction of http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/campaigns-policy/latest-campaigns/never-too-young-campaign .

…..oooOooo…..

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Mr Mark Berry who here entertains us through the medium of dance. Take it away Bez ...

Happy grambling.

Saturday, 11 April 2015

Week 36 - The Grambler on Motherwell fans

Thanks to everyone who read last week’s 30^th birthday commemorative edition. Thanks too for all the comments made; it makes it all seem worthwhile. It is fitting that last week’s blog saw thegrambler.com pass something of a milestone (which is not the same as passing a kidney stone) when we notched up 50,000 visits to the blog. I said blog, not bog. It means that each week’s blog has received, on average, almost 300 hits. Actually, that isn’t quite true. In the early days of thegrambler.com one particular post got hit after hit after hit. In all, nearly 1800 visits to a single post. Strangely, they were nearly all from Ukraine. Now, I can’t imagine these weekly rants going down particularly well in Ukraine, can you? If you ask me, there’s something funny going on.

…..oooOooo…..

I am a Motherwell fan. There, I’ve said it. I may have mentioned the fact sometime in previous articles. Motherwell are not doing very well this season. As I write this, they sit second bottom in the SPL. The way things are going, Championship (that’s division two in old money) footie looks a distinct possibility next season.

Recently, things have been improving. The other week, on a Friday evening, would you believe, we played our local rivals, Hamilton and, after being humped by them 4 nil at Fir Park and 5 nil at Douglas Park earlier in the season, we fans were not expecting great things. Well, would you Adam and Eve it? We only won 4 nil.

Then, last weekend we beat Kilmarnock 2-1 and on Tuesday we hammered bottom club Saint Mirren 5-0.

We have had little to crow about this season, so please allow me this moment to savour these little moments of glory. Ah, that’s better. Thank you for that.

What is this week’s (g)ramble, I hear you ask. Well, let us stick with footie. In fact, let us stick with those who really do stick with footie; the loyal supporter. There are some terrific supporters at Fir Park for Motherwell home games. Just a particular group of a few hundred are the people I wish to tell you about.

In the stand where I sit (Yes, we sit in what is known as a stand. Don’t ask.) away to my left, are the most supportive of fans. One of this number brings along a drum and bangs it from the start of the game to the finish, while the rest sing along. It creates a fantastic atmosphere and some of the song choices can bring a real smile to the collective faces of us quieter supporters.

Often the songs or chants are those sung up and down the country at every ground. Any player with a name having four syllables is bound to get the old favourite, Guantanamera. Motherwell fans tend to reserve that one for our end of the year fixture and sing it to the memory of Phil O’Donnell who died on the pitch on 29^th December 2007 during a memorable game between Motherwell and Dundee United.

The Madness song ‘Our House’ gets sung if our goalkeeper pulls off a particularly fine save. It helps if he has two syllables to his name, as the crowd sing ‘Blah blah, in the middle of the goal!’ We don’t have a keeper called Blah blah, incidentally.

Individual players often get their own tune. A few seasons ago Motherwell had a right back called Yassin Moutaouakil. Guess which James Bond film theme was adopted and adapted to suit him.

The current favourite to be given his own song is John Sutton who left us for a couple of seasons before returning. Maybe it was his return that prompted the crowd to sing words to the tune of ‘When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again’. Each week, I try to decipher the words the fans have given the song, but I can only ever make out the line that in the original song goes – ‘And we’ll all feel gay when Johnny comes marching home.’ (Stop sniggering at the back!) For this line the fans sing – ‘Big John Sutton; Motherwell number nine’. It fits perfectly. Somebody must work out a song and then sing it to those around him at the ground and hope they pick up on it.

It doesn’t always succeed. Years ago we had a player called David Partridge and some wag who sat close to me thought he would make an ideal target for his own song. The fan sang something to the tune of the Christmas song ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’ thinking a play on the line ‘and a partridge in a pear tree’ would be appropriate. The reaction of those around him? Did they join in with his attempt as a lyricist? No, they didn’t. The reaction was a resounding, ‘Shut the f*** up, you w***!’ Oh how we laughed.

As I said at the beginning of this piece, our singing support can brighten a dull game. And so it was on that Friday night encounter with Hamilton. Football on a Friday night! Shouldn’t be allowed! The first half saw no goals and very few actual attempts on goal. It was not an exciting game at that point. However, our musical support brought a smile to every face in the ground as, for twenty minutes, they sang the old Beatles’ classic ‘Twist and Shout’. No alteration to the song; they sang the original lyrics. For twenty minutes. Brilliant! How could anyone not smile as a few hundred supporters belted that out as loud as their lungs would let them. It made for one of my own favourite memories of this season. Although, admittedly, there hasn’t been much I want to remember.

However, my favourite crowd moment is not a song. Not even a chant. Just the shouting of one word. Our captain, Keith Lasley, is always the hardest working player on the park. He leads by example, you might say. Quite often he will pull off a brilliant tackle, or perfect pass. It is at such moments the singing support, taking their lead from the ever-present drummer, shout (boom boom boom) KEEF! (boom boom boom) KEEF! (boom boom boom) KEEF! This can carry on for some time; well, until another player does something outstanding, or, as is more likely, the referee makes a howler of a decision, the crowd then begins singing an extract from George Frederick Handel’s oratorio Messiah. Who would have expected a football crowd to use classical music in its repertoire? They sing a specific section of the piece; the ending of part II which is known as the Hallelujah Chorus. What do you mean, what do I mean? Haven’t you heard it? The first hallelujah is the ref’s name (preferably having four syllables) - ‘Blah blah blah blah – You’re a w***er, you’re a w***er!’

Time to move on, I think.

.....oooOooo…..

Any birthdays of note this week? Yes, born on the 11^th of April were Frederick I 1370 (Known as the Warlike. So, not an actual war, just like a war), Joel Gray 1932 (Willkommen, bienvenu, welcome), Stuart Adamson 1958 (Big Country member. Yes we do remember), Jeremy Clarkson 1960 (Uhmale uhchauvinist uhpig), Lisa Stansfield 1966 (child abandonner), Cerys Matthews 1969 (Road rager) and Joss Stone 1987 (Scented rock). There must be a few tunes available from that lot that might lend themselves to a bit of gramblerising…

Been around the world and I, I, I, I can't find my grambler
I don't know when, I don't know why, why he/she/it’s gone away
And I don't know where he/she/it can be, my grambler
But I'm gonna find him/her/it.

…..oooOooo…..

So how did The Grambler’s predictions fare last week? Did any of our bets win? Yes. Did any of our bets lose? Yes. From our £2.20 stake, we got a return of £1.93. Hmm. Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Who came up with that as a comparison for anything? Anyway, the thing is […What I really mean. Elton John, Your Song. Do I win a tenner? – Ed.] we still lost 27 pees. What happened? Read on…

Swansea vs Hull – Prediction Home win

Result – Swansea 3 Hull 1

Yay!

Bafetimbi Gomis (cracking name of the week, I think) struck twice as Swansea City beat 10-man Hull City at Liberty Stadium.

Ki Sung-yueng fired the Swans in front from close range before Gomis' acrobatic volley doubled their lead.

Paul McShane's finish after a Jake Livermore free-kick gave the Tigers hope but David Meyler was sent off soon after for a high tackle on Kyle Naughton.

Gomis' stoppage-time strike sealed the three points for Swansea.

Hibernian vs Queen of the South – Prediction Home win

Result – Hibs 0 Queen of the South 1

Boo!

The visitors had the better of the first half, without being able to open the scoring.

However, Mark Durnan netted from close range early in the second period to give Queens the advantage.

Hibs tried to respond without success, Dominique Malonga having a header saved by Zander Clark.

Stenhousemuir vs Forfar – Prediction Away win

Result – Stenhousemuir 1 Forfar 3

Yay!

Stenny took the lead when Colin McMenamin fired home from inside the six-yard box just after half-time.

However, Anthony Marenghi was sent off for a second booking and Forfar took advantage when Martyn Fotheringham struck low past Greg Fleming.

Fotheringham converted Gavin Swankie's pass before the latter also netted.

Stranraer vs Ayr – Prediction Home win

Result – Stranraer 1 Ayr 0

Yay!

Ayr goalkeeper David Hutton frustrated the hosts with saves to deny Chris Aitken and Willie Gibson.

Aitken also struck against the post before Craig Malcolm lobbed Hutton to break the deadlock.

And keeper David Mitchell maintained Stranraer's advantage by saving from Jordan Preston.

Arbroath vs Annan Athletic – Prediction Home win

Result – Arbroath 1 Annan 1

Ooh! ‘It the bar.

Arbroath struggled early on and fell behind early in the second half.

Annan, who earlier hit the post through Stuart McColm got ahead when Kenneth Mackay poked the ball under the onrushing Marc McCallum.

But Simon Murray found space in the box to level for the home side

Okay, that was what happened last week; what has The Grambler chosen for us this week? From the 58 senior games taking place this week on Saturday the 11^th of April at 3pm he/she/it has chosen…

Game – Result – Odds

Sunderland vs Crystal Palace – Prediction Away win – 17/10

Birmingham vs Wolves – Prediction Away win – 23/20

Ipswich vs Blackpool – Prediction Home win – 1/4

Oldham vs Sheffield United – Prediction Away win – 11/10

Dunfermline vs Stranraer – Prediction Away win – 13/10

There we have it my little gramblerinis. The Grambler has randomly chosen, the bets (10 x 20 pees doubles plus 1 x 20 pees accumulator) are on and, if all predictions are correct, there will be…

£15.70

…winging its way to the Bobby Moore Fund. Will it happen? Will it fu… I doubt it. Four aways out of five? Hmm.

…..oooOooo…..

What about the teaser, you ask. Yes, if you remember, there was no teaser last week so here is the answer to the poser I put to you a fortnight ago. I asked you why Swindon Town is unique and why is mackerel significant. It’s a bit like Hull City being unique because you can’t colour in any of the letters, I’m afraid. Swindon Town is the only club in the English and Scottish senior leagues whose name does not contain any letters from the word mackerel. Was that a groan I heard?

What about a teaser for this week? Only four teams have won the English top league title three times in a row. Manchester United, Arsenal and Liverpool are three; which is the fourth club to hold the honour? A good one to ask down the pub. Answer next week.

…..oooOooo…..

For the last few weeks I have finished with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog. I’m going to do it yet again. Yes, we have raised a goodly sum for the Bobby Moore Fund – last week the total was sitting at £22,620.07 and a few more donations have gone in this week, but the blog is mainly about raising awareness of bowel cancer. There is an advertising campaign which tries to persuade people over 50 to take the time to do a simple 2 yearly test which could signify the early symptoms of bowel cancer. What the advert does not do is point out that young people can also fall victim to the disease. Stewart was 26 when he was diagnosed; an age where no testing is considered appropriate.

…..oooOooo…..

And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther, I am indebted to a Mr N. Nosworthy for an excuse to give you, once again, a link to what I consider to be one of the best crowd chants ever… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8WCnoAijQ4

Happy grambling.

Thursday, 2 April 2015

Week 35 - More words from our founder

It is a very special week this week. It would have been the 30^th birthday of Stewart, the founder of this wonderful blog, this Saturday, April 4^th. With that in mind, I will scoot through the grambling for this week and save the teaser answer until next week.

What happened to our bets for last weekend? They lost.

And now, this week’s selections…

Game – Result – Odds

Swansea vs Hull – Prediction Home win – 10/11

Hibernian vs Queen of the South – Prediction Home win – 8/13

Stenhousemuir vs Forfar – Prediction Away win – 10/11

Stranraer vs Ayr – Prediction Home win – 4/7

Arbroath vs Annan Athletic – Prediction Home win – 5/6

…..oooOooo…..

As well as there being no teaser, there will be no other birthday references or any gramblerised tune. This week is a tribute to Stewart and includes much of the material he put on line via b3ta and tumblr. Please appreciate the wit and humour of Stewart…

First, an article from b3ta.com from 10^th August 2012.

When I had just started high school, science lessons were awesome. For the first time, we had classes that involved fire and chemicals and gases and explosions and stuff!

One of the first experiments I can remember being shown was a simple 'un - Stick a bit of magnesium ribbon over a Bunsen burner and watch it go up in flames with a magnificent flash! Like any eager young scientist, I had to replicate this. So at the end of our lesson, I stuck a handful of the stuff into my pocket to take home.

That night when my folks were out, I pinched my brother’s lighter and attempted to create science... Clearly the flame wasn't powerful enough. Nothing happened.

Ah-ha, thinks I, the cooker is basically a giant Bunsen burner! So off I go to the kitchen and recreate the class with the help of some barbecue tongs. After having much fun (I was 12, it was fun, honestly!) I went back to playing Championship Manager or watching Robot Wars or something else that I did in the nineties.

An hour or so later, and I am startled by my screaming mother:

"ARE YOU DOING DRUGS!?"

I had forgotten to clean the white powdery residue from the kitchen worktops. Obviously the only possibility was that a twelve year old had access to cocaine, could afford cocaine and was snorting cocaine from the kitchen worktop on a Tuesday night.

I'm still not convinced she believed my excuse.

…..oooOooo…..

Now a Christmas gag from tgjnt.tumblr.com

Marley was dead: to begin with…

…..oooOooo…..

And now another b3ta.com item; this time from 8^th April 2010.

This has been annoying me for some time now. The Watergate scandal was generally referred to as 'Watergate' as it occurred at the Watergate. I'm not sure if it is just lazy journalism, but suddenly anything remotely scandalous becomes a -gate.

Take for example 'Pizzagate.' For anyone who does not remember this scandal, a football player threw a bit of pizza at a manager. Suddenly it's an outrageous incident known as 'Pizzagate.'

Now, I may be wrong but a) Pizza has nothing to with gates and b) One man throwing a bit of dough at another man bears very little comparison to an act of deceit and corruption exposing criminal activity within one of the most powerful governments on the planet.

On a similar note, alcoholics are called alcoholics as they have a fondness for alcohol. I am not aware of any such thing as 'chocohol', 'shopahol', 'workahol' or 'sexahol' (I'm slightly surprised at the latter, it could easily be some kind of bright, diabetes inducing, WKD style chav-drink).

Anyway, enough ranting for me. I'm becoming a rantoholic...

…..oooOooo…..

And finally, from Stewart at least, a favourite of mine from one of his posts on this very blog.

Q: Why was Cinderella rubbish at football?

A: Because she had no formal training. From a young age, her sisters coerced her into doing all of the housekeeping meaning that she never even got the chance to try out for her school football team. Besides, back in those un-PC days, the school team probably wouldn't have selected a girl. There was also a lack of interest in the sport on her part; she often heard people making remarks about her 'running away from the ball' and thought to herself "when you put that into context, it really makes no sense as I have no interest and/or involvement in football and/or any other sport." It wasn't until she found her prince that she took a mild interest in the game, following her new husband’s favourite team - Coventry City. And then the French paparazzi took long distance photos of her topless...

Thank you, Stewart.

…..oooOooo…..

You perhaps thought there would be no input from me this week. Sorry to disappoint you, but there is. It is relevent though.

Three years ago when Stewart was out of hospital after a lengthy stay in the local intensive care unit, much of which was spent in a coma, he was struggling to regain his mobility. It doesn’t really happen the way they show it in the films, by the way. You know, that bit in a film when somebody who has been in a coma for weeks comes round and gets out of bed and can walk as well as they ever could? Afraid not. The muscles in the legs become so wasted that the person has to be given intensive physiotherapy to learn how to walk again. It took Stewart weeks using walking frames, then crutches, to get back some strength in his legs. Any road up, he figured that what might have helped him at this time was a blue badge (a parking permit for people who cannot walk distances) so that, when he needed to go anywhere, the car he was in could be parked in a disabled parking bay; thus reducing any distance he had to walk to a minimum. He applied for a ‘temporary’ blue badge, figuring that, once he was able to walk again, he wouldn’t need the concession. He was told by those that issue the parking permits that a person was only eligible for a temporary blue badge six months after making the application. Naturally, Stewart pointed out that he needed the concession now, not six months hence. Six months on, he explained, he hoped he wouldn’t need a badge. Sorry, said the jobsworth he spoke to, rules is rules.

He decided to write to his local MP to point out this anomaly in the system and, in his letter, he suggested that, for people in his situation, a doctor should be allowed to ‘fast track’ the issue of a disabled parking permit.

The MP did reply. Sort of. His letter basically told Stewart that he was too busy to be concerned with such matters; he didn’t even refer to Stewart’s condition and his only reference to the parking concession was to reiterate what Stewart had already been told about what ‘temporary’ meant. For a member of parliament who is supposed to represent his constituents, it was rude in its abruptness; callous, even. Stewart was so miffed, he wrote to the local paper to complain about the lack of interest shown by his elected member of parliament.

Why am I telling you this? It’s election time. In a little over a month Britain goes to the polls to decide who will govern our country. If you read this blog regularly, you will be aware that Stewart died in August 2013. Well, this very week, the said elected member of parliament sent a letter to Stewart; a good 18 months after he died. In it, he asked if Stewart wanted him to keep his correspondence on file! What? You weren’t interested in Stewart’s letter three years ago, but you are interested in it now! Oh, I forgot, there is an election looming and you want to show what a caring individual you are. Oh yes, he did allude to the election; no doubt hoping that this sudden show of concern would persuade Stewart (had he been able) to vote for him. Well, no. For two reasons, mate. The first is that if you had shown any interest at all in Stewart’s predicament while he was alive, you would have been well aware of his ‘change of circumstances’ in August 2013. The second? Stewart would never have voted for you, anyway. He was a staunch SNP supporter and not a labour voter.

And do you know what, pal? After your obvious lack of concern for a constituent until it suited you - that is, election time - you don’t deserve any votes. You won’t get mine, anyway.

I had better finish; I am also turning into a rantoholic.

FOOTNOTE: You can tell it’s election time - this week’s local paper has a certain politician’s picture in it three times. One picture shows him with a disabled man. The headline reads ‘Battling for Justice’. Think he’s mixing up the word ‘justice’ with ‘votes.’

…..oooOooo…..

We, Stewart’s family, wanted to commemorate his birthday in some way. We didn’t think a bench in the park appropriate and he already has a tree in his memory at Calderglen Park (our local bit of green belt). What could we do? As I have mentioned on many occasions, he was a Motherwell supporter from a very early age. With this in mind, we thought a mention at Fir Park might be in keeping…

I like to think that Stewart would have approved.

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For the last few weeks I have finished with a mention of the main reason for continuing to publish this blog. I’m going to do it again. Yes, we have raised a goodly sum for the Bobby Moore Fund - currently the total sits at £22,620.07 (No idea who put in 7 pee), but the blog is mainly about raising awareness of bowel cancer. There is an advertising campaign which tries to persuade people over 50 to take the time to do a simple 2 yearly test which could signify the early symptoms of bowel cancer. What the advert does not do is point out that young people can also fall victim to the disease. Stewart was 26 when he was diagnosed; an age where no testing is considered appropriate.

Happy grambling.

Pages

Saturday, 18 April 2015

Week 37 - The Grambler on Cammo

Saturday, 11 April 2015

Week 36 - The Grambler on Motherwell fans

Thursday, 2 April 2015

Week 35 - More words from our founder

The Bobby Moore Fund

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