Week 6 Results - We're in the money...sort of

Well, thanks to The Grambler’s astute predicting [that’s not what you said in your previous write-up – Ed] The Grambler’s ‘Kick Cancer’s Arse’ Fund has received a boost of £14.08.  Woo hoo!  And I mean that most sincerely.  If you are wondering what to do with all that dosh that The Grambler has won for you this weekend the place to go is http://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3

So how did The Grambler manage it.  Here are the results.

First up Stockport County vs Gainsborough Trinity which The Grambler predicted would be a draw.  First of all may I confess – I am confused [so what’s new – Ed].  You see, the BBC list of matches told me that these two teams would play each other; Bet365 accepted my bet that these two teams would play each other, but on Saturday the 12th of October at 3pm Stockport County players walked onto the park to be met by eleven players from… Rushall Olympic.  Excuse me?  Where did they appear from?  What happened to Gainsborough Trinity?  I have a theory.  The Trinity manager was checking through the web a day or so back for any references to his team and stumbled upon thegrambler.com.  Oho, he thinks.  Or it might have been aha, I am merely surmising… ‘What’s this?’ he asks and reads that The Grambler has predicted that Trinity will merely draw with Stockport.  ‘All right lads’, he says, ‘no point even going if we can’t do better than a draw.  I’ll cancel the minibus’.  What to do?  The Hatters have no opposition until somebody in the ground says ‘I know a team from the Evo-Stik league (yes, really) who haven’t got any opposition, why don’t we get them for a kickabout.  They should be easy peasy.’  And so it was arranged.

Oh dear, whoever thought that one up really came unstuck (gettit?).  Rushall Olympic came to Stockport and  - won.  Jimmy Turner’s 63rd minute free kick proved the difference between the two sides, sending the Evo-Stik Premier League side into Monday’s fourth qualifying round draw.  I told you Stockport were crap.

A draw between Colchester United and Walsall  was The Grambler’s second prediction.  Colchester, the draw specialists, took on the Saddlers at the Colchester Community Stadium.  The Saddlers started this game brightly with a couple of close chances early on.  However, it was the home side who scored on seven minutes with a fine strike by Freddie Sears from the edge of the box.  The match was very much to and fro from then on, both sides having shots on goal without scoring.  As ninety minutes came the home side must have thought that, for the first time since the very first day of the season, they would take all three points.  As stoppage time progressed, they must have felt ever more confident.  Four minutes.  Five minutes.  Six minutes.  Bang!  Andy Taylor scores from a magnificent free kick.  Colchester fans must have cursed the fourth official who decided that seven minutes of stoppage time had to be played.  One all it finished.  Colchester have now drawn six games out of eleven played and sit at eleventh spot in the table; had they won those games they would be in fourth spot.

 

Preston North End vs Crewe Alexandra

Okay.  I’m sorry.  Again.  There, I’ve said it.  Once again I rubbished The Grambler’s predicting skills and again he/she/it proved that I know fu… not a lot.  The Grambler predicted that Crewe sitting way down in 23rd spot in the league would visit Preston, sitting in 5th spot, and beat them.  And they did!  2-0.  As the game progressed, Preston looked the likeliest to score with Alexandra’s goalkeeper Steve Phillips called into action early on, turning a Scott Laird shot around the post. Ian Hume hit the crossbar from the resulting corner.  Against the run of play it was Crewe’s Byron Moore who scored on 27 minutes firing low below Declan Rudd from inside the box.  Former Bolton striker Kevin Davies missed an opportunity to equalise when he nodded a second-half chance past the post. As Preston went all out in search of a leveller, Crewe’s Inman struck to make it 2-0.  He then gave an unusual goal celebration by shouting ‘I’m free!’ Adam Dugdale came close to a third, lashing his effort onto the bottom of the crossbar before it ricocheted off Rudd's back and behind for a corner.

It is Crewe Alexandra's first League One win in seven games, dating back to 17 August when they beat Tranmere Rovers 2-1.

The clean sheet is also the Railwaymen's first of the campaign.

A brilliant prediction there from The Grambler especially as the bet was placed at 5/1.  So to The Grambler I say – You’re the man/woman/inanimate object!!

For our fourth game The Grambler predicted a draw between Wimbledon and Accrington Stanley.  And for the third time today he/she/it got it bang on.  Stanley might have had their first win of the season but Kayode Odejayi (That just about qualifies as cracking name of the week!) went from hero to villain as AFC Wimbledon came from behind to grab a dramatic 1-1 draw.  The veteran striker put Stanley ahead after 17 minutes as he rose highest to head home Lee Naylor's inswinging corner at the near post for his second goal of the season.  This prompted the Stanley faithful to sing:

He’s turns your back four in,
Your back four out,
In out, in out,
He’s gonna start a rout.

Kayode(y) Odejayi,
Scores another goal,
That’s what it’s all about...

Ohhhhhhhhh
Kayode(y) Odejayi
Ohhhhhhhhh
Kayode(y) Odejayi
Ohhhhhhhhh
Kayode(y) Odejayi
Knees bent,
Arms stretched,
Ra Ra Ra!!

Good that, isn’t it?  Apparently it was sung a lot by the Colchester United (the U’s) fans when he was a player there.

But on the stroke of half time he was shown the first red card of his career after raising his hands in the direction of Callum Kennedy (not the Callum Kennedy obviously; the popular Scottish singer of the same name is dead Dave).  From that point on the Dons dominated and in the second half Stanley's Marcus Bettinelli was called in to action to parry Jack Midson's close-range glancing effort, while Luke Moore was also denied by the keeper in the 76th minute.  But the pressure eventually told four minutes from the end when captain Alan Bennett (not the Alan Bennett obviously) rescued a point with a powerful header from Barry Fuller's cross.

And finally Esther The Grambler gave us the prediction that Arbroath vs Airdrieonians would end as an away win. Lee Erwin (Yay! Sort of) scored an 89th-minute penalty as Arbroath beat Airdrieonians 3-2 at Gayfield Park.  It was their second spot-kick of the afternoon. Alan Cook had missed the first in the 13th minute when he hit the post after winning the penalty. Plonker! They went ahead seven minutes later when Robert Linn rifled in his first league goal of the season but the visitors hit back on the hour mark when substitute William McLaren sent the ball past Scott Morrison from the middle of the box.  Arbroath edged ahead in the 77th minute when David Banjo (no that is cracking name of the week!) tucked in from close range but a smart finish from Lewis Coult levelled things up two minutes later.  But the home side secured the points when Erwin scored from the spot after Robert Linn was fouled in the box by Chris O'Neil, who was sent off for his challenge.  I wonder why Alan Cook didn’t take that penalty… So The Grambler was a bit off with that one.

Any road up, all these shenanigans mean that The Grambler has had the best weekend yet (during my shift in charge) which brings total winnings up to £24.19!  That is over four weeks admittedly, but if all we followers of The Grambler were to put our winnings into The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Arse Fund that would make erm… over £70!  Most successful week or not, The Grambler still only got 3 out of the 5 predictions right; surely it is only a matter of time before he/she/it picks all 5!

Week 6 - Shober October (hic)...

‘Underground, overground, Grambling free,

The Grambles of Grambledon Common are we.

Making good use of spare cash that we find,

The cash that the everyday folk spend on wine…’

 

Thank you lads (and Uncle Grambleria).  Let me explain, before you accuse me of suggesting that you are all raging alcoholics.  Some of you maybe, but not all of you.  Do you remember ‘Movember’, or ‘Decembeard’ or even ‘Januhairy’ (Actually, I may have made that last one up.)?  Do you remember when everyone, even the men, were encouraged to grow facial hair for a month?  And also put razor blade manufacturers who charge way too much for their products out of business.  Yes, I’m talking to you Gillette Corporation.  Ten quid for four blades!  Incidentally, did you know that the founder of the Gillette business had the forenames King Camp?  And judging by pictures I have seen of him, he looked as if he was.

Any road up,  This month is ‘Sober October’ when everyone is encouraged to give up drinking alcohol and thus put hundreds of purveyors of same out of business.  Don’t worry pub owners – I am starting my own month-long campaign to get everyone back into drinking vast amounts of alcohol.  It’s called ‘Febrewery’ when everyone is encouraged to visit a brewery and partake freely (though not free as in cost) of the victuals on offer.  Although, I’m not sure if I have the organisational skills to pull that off.

Yes, Sober October.  Now this set me thinking – all you followers of The Grambler could give up drinking [steady on now – Ed] for a month and donate the money saved to The Grambler’s ‘Kick Cancer’s Arse’ Fund.  Hence, the opening lines from the Grambles.  A month?  Too much?  A week, then.  Still too much?  A couple of days then.  Surely you could take one or two fewer drinks.  No?  Hmm…Not sure this is going to get very far.  The thing is, I have even got Dougie, our local drunkard, on board to give us an advertising slogun – ‘Ur yeez geein up the bevvie fur Sober October?  Ah’m Ur!’  Maybe I should have asked when he wasn’t sloshed.  Anyway, if he hasn’t  got a hope that he  can do it – so can you!  Just tot up all the dosh you have saved and donate it to The Grambler’s ‘Kick Cancer’s Arse’ Fund at http://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3

 

Let us gramble.

This Friday has the World Cup qualifying games and I thought – should we ask The Grambler to come up some predictions?  Then I thought – Nah, let’s stick to Saturday’s games.  So, because of those qualifiers and the fact that a good few players from the English and Scottish leagues will be playing in them there are no Premiership, Championship or Scottish Premiership games this Saturday.

Most of the games for The Grambler to choose from are FA Cup 3rd round qualifiers in England and Scottish Cup qualifiers – probably of more interest to most than seeing whether Moldova can beat San Marino.  Probably better football played too!  There are also some games from English Division 1 and 2 (here we go – that’s Division 3 and 4 in reality) and some from Scottish Championship, Division 1 and Division 2 (that’s 2, 3 and 4) to choose from.  So this week The Grambler will be selecting five from a total of 71 games played this Saturday, 12th October.

And the five games chosen are….

Game – Result – Odds

Stockport County vs Gainsborough Trinity – Draw – 13/5

This is an FA Cup 3rd Round tie.  I am just hoping that they haven’t changed the rules for this competition and there are still replays if the game ends in stalemate.  So Stockport County against Gainsborough Trinity…hmm.  Maybe I should have gone with the World Cup qualifiers.  No.  No.  I will do a write up if it kills me [If it doesn’t, I might – Ed].  The Hatters play host to Trinity (or the Holy Blues – sounds like it’s a form of cool religious music) and The Grambler has predicted that this one will finish as a draw.  I can’t really argue with that.  Stockport have been pretty mince these past few seasons having been relegated from Division 2 (4!!!) of the Football League to the Conference Premier (or Skrill Premier if you want to be pedantic) in season 2010-11.  At the end of season 2012-13 they dropped again to the Conference North (or Skrill blah blah).  Sounds a bit like Portsmouth!  Currently they sit 15^th in the league just two places below Trinity.  They have lost only one of their past five games, the first of which was a 3-1 win against – you guessed it – Trinity.  Trinity, who finished the league in 8^th spot last season, are currently on an unbeaten run of four (having lost that game to Stockport).  Both teams however have found it difficult beating teams higher up the league and tend to perform better against teams currently sitting even lower down the league.  Has The Grambler called this one right?  We can only wait and see.

Colchester United vs Walsall – Draw – 5/2

The Grambler’s second prediction takes us to more familiar territory – the First (third!) Division (or Sky Bet League One – God help us!) – to the Colchester Community Stadium where the ‘U’s play host to the Saddlers.  The ‘U’s?  Is that the best you could come up with?  Colchester?  One of the oldest known settlements in Britain?  Colchester?  The capital of Roman Britain?  Colchester?  Possibly the real Camelot of Arthurian Legend?  And all you come up with is the ‘U’s?  You could have chosen from any number of historical references – the Romans, or the Gladiators, or the Knights of the Round Table…Okay, maybe not that last one.  But surely (Don’t call me Shirley) anything would be better than the ‘U’s.  How crap is that!  Ahem.  The Grambler has predicted that this will be a draw.  Given that Colchester have so far this season drawn five out of ten games, The Grambler could well be on to something.  However, it has been eight years since these two clubs have actually drawn a game.  The winning team has more often been the home side – in fact the last five games have gone this way with Colchester winning three and Walsall two.  Only four points (although six places) currently separate these two clubs so they are fairly evenly matched; although last season’s final placings would suggest otherwise with Walsall finishing 9th and Colchester a lowly 20th.  A draw?  Why not.

Preston North End vs Crewe Alexandra – Away – 5/1

The Grambler’s third prediction stays in the same division and takes us to Preston North End’s Deepdale where they play host to Crewe Alexandra.  The Grambler seems to do one of these every week – there’s Preston, sitting fifth in the league having won five, drawn four and only lost one, playing at home against a team who are sitting 21st having won – how many?  One.  One game.  So what does The Grambler do?  He/she/it predicts an away win!  Ah, you say – Who finished higher in the league last season?  Crewe.  Ah.  And who won both meetings between these clubs last season?  Crewe.  Ah.  And who has the best winger in the world and I know coz I’ve seen him he used to play for Motherwell?  Preston North End!  Ha!  Away win indeed.  Call yourself The Grambler!  Ha!

Motherwell Link – Winger Chris Humphrey used to play for Motherwell (I might have mentioned the fact) and he was pretty good.  Fastest guy I’ve seen on the right wing – pity he sometimes forgot to take the ball with him!  But he was getting better all the time!  And then he moves to Preston North End!!!

AFC Wimbledon vs Accrington Stanley – Draw – 14/5

For our fourth game The Grambler takes us to Grambledon…sorry, Wimbledon.  Well, not quite, as Wimbledon’s ground is a mile or two west at Kingston-Upon-Thames where the Dons play host to the team with the best name in the whole of the league – Accrington Stanley.  So why does it have such a brilliant name?  Was it named after a former player, perchance?  No. The Club was originally formed as Stanley Villa FC, because most of the team lived in Stanley Street. The Club was renamed Accrington Stanley in 1894.  Imagine that, a football league team made up of lads from the same street.  Wouldn’t happen now.  Lucky to get them from the same continent!  All these foreign players coming over here and teaching us plucky Brits how to dive in the box and roll around feigning injury or jumping into the air as if they had been pole-axed just to get someone booked.  Yes, I’m talking about you Neymar .  Yes I know he doesn’t play for a British club.  So what!  If I want an example of someone who dives, feigns injury etc., who better to pick?  Any road up, The Grambler has predicted that this one will end in a draw.  Hmm.  Accrington may have the best name in the league but they have made the worst start to this season (apart from Sunderland in the Premiership of course.  Poor old Sunderland.) with only two points from ten games.  Obviously Stanley’s player/manager James Beattie (yes that James Beattie) is not finding management so easy having only taken on the job at the end of last season. He is quoted as saying, ‘I don't mind doing any job at Accrington... I'll even clean the toilets!’  It’s good to know he’s got something to fall back on if he doesn’t make a success of management then.  However, in the past two seasons Stanley have met the Dons four times and cuffed them every time, home or away.  Maybe they save their best performances for the Dons.  This obviously helped Stanley finish last season two places higher than the Dons – 18th.^.  Big deal.  This season though, Wimbledon are so high up the league they may well be suffering from nose bleeds.  Eleventh!  Heady stuff.  Draw?  Possibly.

Arbroath vs Airdrieonians – Away – 23/10

And finally Esther The Grambler has predicted that Airdrieonians…Airdrie United…No, Airdrieonians right enough (I wish they would make their minds up!) will travel to Gayfield Park to play the Red Lichties and return home with three points.  It is possible.  Both sides have been pretty evenly matched this season – Arbroath are just one point ahead of the Diamonds having won three games and losing five.  Airdrie have only lost three games but sit lower because they have only won two and drawn two.  What can I tell you about these two?  Airdrie have this year gone in the record books for fielding the youngest ever player in a British senior league game when on the 27th of April 14 year old Jordan Allan donned the smallest jersey in the Airdrieonians shop.  Lucky it was a Saturday game and not a midweek game starting at 7.45 then.*  Arbroath are also in the record books and theirs is a world record. Woo!  They hold the record for the biggest winning score in world football!  36 nil!  Wow, do I hear you say?  Doubt it, since this famous victory took place in 1885 against a team called Bon Accord.  Pity poor old Dundee Harp (that is a football team, by the way, not Dougie’s favourite cheap lager – showing my age now) who beat Aberdeen Rovers on the very same day – 35 nil!  Bugger!  Anyway, that was then.  Arbroath are not quite such a force in Scottish football.  However, I would have thought, given the home advantage, they could beat Airdrie.  But – The Grambler says no.

Motherwell Link (well, sort of) – Lee Erwin, a forward for Arbroath is on loan from Motherwell.  Does that count?

 

What do you reckon?  Not a chance I’d say.  You only have to look at the odds of Crewe against Preston and you can understand my misgivings.  I don’t even hold out much hope for the doubles.  It’s up to you.  Do you place a bet and risk losing?  If all predictions are correct (there’s that flying pig again!) you have got odds on the accumulator of…Fanfare, please…948/1.  The odds on the cowardy doubles are…Again please…172/1.

 

All very tempting.  Of course, you could take the really cowardly option and don’t even place a bet.  Just put whatever you were planning to bet (plus whatever you were going spend on booze) straight into The Grambler’s ‘Kick Cancer’s Arse’ Fund.  See link above.

 

Happy grambling.  And don’t forget to tell all your mates to read this, and get them to tell all their mates, and get their mates to…etc. etc. ad infinitum.

 

*Past his bedtime, see.

 

 

Week 5 results - So near yet so fah me re doh

The simple answer to the question posed at the beginning of Saturday’s predictions is no.  True, my cowardy bet did give me a winner.  One double came up thus rewarding me with 99 of your British pennies. Woo bloody hoo.  Since the bet costs £2.20 it’s not exactly a positive outcome.  But, I refuse to lose faith in The Grambler and will still be stupid enough to place a bet next week.

Now, before I give this week’s results, I will explain a few things for those of you who aren’t really into gambling, but still want to help the cause by donating to The Grambler’s ‘Kick Cancer’s Arse’ Fund.

 Firstly, let me explain my own way of putting money into it.  I have a bet on The Grambler’s predictions each week.  Each week’s bet costs a mere £2.20.  If it wins more than £2.20 all the money (including the stake) goes to the fund.  If the winnings are zero or (as in this week’s case) less than £2.20, I still put £2.20 into the fund.  Basically, I put the stake money in no matter what.  The Bobby Moore Fund wins even when I lose, if you like (even if you don’t like – it’s no skin off my nose).  That seems quite simple to me.  And if I can understand it, it must be simple.

Okay, what if you can’t be bothered with all that betting and stuff and just want to help kick cancer’s arse – and, let’s face it, who doesn’t – well the simplest way is to go to http://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 and select donate and... well… donate.  By the way, it looks a bit confusing lately because Geraldine’s pal and her family are currently adding sums of money to the fund so you might think you are giving to the wrong justgiving page.  You’re not though, there is Stewart in his Scotland top looking pensive (Stewart, not the Scotland top).

Right.  Clear?  Good.  Let’s find out what happened to The Grambler’s predictions on Saturday.

First up Huddersfield vs Watford which The Grambler predicted would be a home win for Huddersfield.  I, in my notes, suggested that this was… mmm… unlikely.  However, after what Aston Villa did to Man City last week (and West Ham did to Spurs today – Wow!) I went along with the bet (despite thinking The Grambler was bonkers in the nut).  As it turned out The Grambler got it wrong.  Although, it looked promising – Huddersfield took the lead after 17 minutes (Ward) and hung on to it for oooh… almost a minute when Watford’s Forestieri equalised.  Watford took the lead just before half time when they were awarded a free kick.  That was dealt with by goalkeeper Smithies who parried the ball straight to Pudil who simply lobbed it back over his head.  Watford manager Zola Budd said he ‘wassa pleaseda weetha the teamsa performancea’.  Incidentally, so far this season Watford have 22 goals (the best in the Championship) scored by 10 different players!

Next up The Grambler picked Port Vale vs Bristol City as an away win.  In my notes I suggested that The Grambler had bollocksed it up again; and so it proved to be.  No, I am being unfair because until the 90th minute it looked as if The Grambler had called it right.  The Robins took the lead in the 55th minute when Wagtail..sorry Wagstaff..I’ve got birds on the brain… hit the top corner from 15 yards.  However, they were denied all three points (and The Grambler denied a ‘hit’) when Hughes picked up a slack back pass and easily rounded the keeper to tap in.  Do you realise what you have done?  Yes you, Lee Hughes.  By your selfish greed you have denied the Bobby Moore Fund a decent pay-back this week!  Well, I hope you are pleased with yourself!  What the hell are you doing playing football at your age, anyway?  You’re 37 for goodness sake! You should be taking the wife to Ikea on a Saturday afternoon instead of spoiling the dreams of hundreds (well 7) Grambler followers by kicking footballs about!  Shame on you, you, you…old person!

Ahem.  Sorry about that.  Next we headed to Devon for a Devon derby in which Exeter beat Plymouth Argyle as predicted by The Grambler.  The Grecians took the lead on 56 minutes when Davies slotted in from an Alan Gow (Yay!) pass.  Argyle equalised on 69 from a Luke Young free kick.  It looked to be heading for a draw until the 83rd minute when Alan Gow (Yay!) put the Grecian 2000s ahead.  ‘Alan’ Bennett sealed the win on 90 minutes with a third goal for the home side. Exeter manager Paul Tisdale was very proud of his players and very pleased with the win telling the BBC, ‘I’m very proud of my players and very pleased with the win,’ before heading home for some scones with clotted cream and jam.

The fourth match chosen by The Grambler was Portsmouth vs Rochdale.  For this game The Grambler predicted that Portsmouth – you know, the club that is dropping down the league faster than I don’t know what – were going to beat Rochdale.  You know, Portsmouth sitting at 17th in the table to beat Rochdale sitting 5th.  You know, Rochdale who had won their previous four games.  To be beaten by Portsmouth who could only boast two wins out of nine played.  Honestly!  How ridiculous!  There is absolutely no way a team like Portsmouth is going to beat a team like Roch…Oh they did?  Well I never.  Three nil too?  Good heavens.  What’s that you say?  A police helicopter flew over the ground?  So pigs do fly after all.

And finally Esther Stenhousemuir vs East Fife was The Grambler’s fifth prediction.  And what was the prediction?  That East Fife, who are a bit…well…crap, would beat the mighty Stenhousemuir.  Ha ha ha!  When was the last time East Fife so much as took a point off Stenny?  Oh.  So they drew, did they? Yep.  I thought The Grambler had called it totally wrong.  To be fair he/she/it did, but it wasn’t the complete opposite that I imagined it would be.  Stenny nearly took the lead within 4 minutes when Darren Smith (Yay!) hit the post (Boo!).  They did indeed take the lead on 23 minutes when Darren Smith (Yay!) was brought down in the box by goalkeeper Greg Paterson (Boo!) [This is turning into a bloody pantomime – Ed] and John Gemmell scored from the spot. However, just before half time East Fife’s Craig Johnstone netted from a Pat Clarke cross to earn that point.  So, before the game East Fife were sitting in seventh in the league; where has that point taken them?  Sadly, down to tenth (ie. bottom!).  Unfortunately for East Fife, Stranraer, Airdrieonians and Forfar – the three teams previously below them – all won their games and swiftly overtook them.  Ahh.

So, as I mentioned earlier, The Grambler was right with only two of the five predictions.  Not a good week’s predicting , but I am sure you will agree, ‘we was robbed’ – two of the other results could so easily have gone The Grambler’s way.  I am still confident that one day, The Grambler will get it spot on and when that happens, I will be kicking myself that I have only put 20 pence on for the accumulator!

 

Week 5 - Can The Grambler do it two weeks running?

Okay let's start with a question - what is the point of Will Gompertz? You know the bloke - the BBC arse correspondent who looks like Coco the clown. He is wheeled out every few days to give some author/actor/director (delete as applicable) some free publicity for some new book/play/film (delete as applicable).  Now, I always thought the BBC, being funded by public subscription (i.e. licence fee), was not allowed to advertise. Is the BBC getting paid by these random luvvies to advertise their wares? I doubt it. Would it matter to any of us, the public, if these suspect products were not publicised? Course it wouldn't. Free bloody advertising that's all it is! So I repeat - what is the point of Will bloody Gompertz????  Ahem…Discuss.

Right. I feel better for that. Let's get down to some serious grambling.

 

If you remember, last week that well known crooner Gnat King Kong began our predictions with a little toon.  This week we have the popular beat combo Led Zeppelin with their rendition of a song called Gramble On. Led Zeppelin are ‘led’ by (geddit?) Robert Pants.  Apparently, he had a solo career once and had a hit called ‘Big Log’.  Not often a faeces-centred topic provides the subject matter or indeed faecal matter for a song. Quite apt really; this being a blog which aims to raise awareness about bowel cancer.  Anyway, take it away Robert…

 

‘I keep a-gramblin' baby/ Ah, ah, yeah
I keep a-gramblin', baby/I keep, keep, keep, keep, keep
Babe, babe, babe, babe/
I keep a-gramblin', baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby
My, my babe
Bay-ya-by/A-goodbye, goodbye, a-goodbye, baby
Well, something's wrong.’

 

You’re telling me something’s wrong.  Who booked them?  That’s gibberish that is.  I could talk gibberish like that (Don’t we know it – Ed.).  You don’t need to book some has-been wedding band for rubbish like that!  This is susposed to be an serious blog about the dangers of bowel cancer and you get this idiot…what’s his name?  Rubber Plant?  What kind of a name is that for heaven’s sake? You get this idiot singing …Singing? Screaming more like!  Sounds as if he’s in pain!  Etc. etc. ad infinitum.

 

Let us gramble…

 

As per normal we begin with a five game accumulator.  All games will take place on Saturday the 5th of October.

 

Game – Result – Odds

 

Huddersfield vs Watford – Home – 21/10

 

First off, we head to the John Smith’s Stadium where the Terriers play host to the Hornets - who are also known by the nicknames the Golden Boys, the Yellow Army or the ‘Oms – which all sound a bit…well…a bit... best just stick to the Hornets lads.  I’ve got a question for you Watford – Why on earth have you got all those nicknames when there’s a sodding great moose on your emblem?  I’m just asking.

So what has The Grambler predicted?  Oh no.  Here we go again; The Grambler, in his/her/its wisdom, has predicted that Huddersfield who finished 19th last season will beat Watford who finished 3rd.  The fact that Watford won both encounters last season or that Watford currently sit five places above Huddersfield doesn’t seem to have been taken into consideration.  We’ll see.  That’s all I’m saying.  We’ll see.

 

But now…Ladeez and Gentlemen, will you please welcome this week’s cracker of a name!  Yes, it’s Watford’s Nyron Nosworthy!  Isn’t that brill?  Sadly, the big defender is out injured just now but if you want to hear him singing click on his name.  You will smile I am sure. 

 

Port Vale vs Bristol City – Away – 13/8

That was fun.  Right, game number two as predicted by The Grambler is at Vale Park where the Valiants play host to the Robins.  What can I say about this encounter?  Not a lot as there isn’t much to go on.  As Port Vale were promoted from the 2nd (4th) division at the end of last season and Bristol City were relegated from the Championship (or division 2 as it might more sensibly be called.  Don’t get me started.) it is not possible to really compare the sides as they haven’t played against each other since 2006.  With Port Vale in 11th position and Bristol City being 19th it might be fair to say that The Grambler has bollocksed it up again.

Motherwell link: City midfielder Stephen Pearson began his career at Motherwell.  His career went downhill from then on when he joined Celtic.

 

Exeter vs Plymouth Argyle – Home – 23/20

For The Grambler’s third prediction we head to St James Park in Exeter where the Grecians (the what!) play host to the Pilgrims (that at least makes some sense).  The past few encounters between these two teams have been pretty even.  In the past four games two were drawn and one game each won.  Exeter finished last season in 10th spot and have made the better start this season and currently are in sixth place.  Argyle on the other hand finished last season in a lowly 21st and, although this season is going reasonably well, they are still down in 11th spot some seven points behind Exeter.  So, on laptop (ha ha, you’re not catching me out this week) it would seem that The Grambler has called it right with a home win for Exeter.

Motherwell link: Alan Gow, who plays as a forward or an attacking midfielder for Exeter, used to play for Motherwell – the ninth of the 12 clubs he has played for so far.

 

Portsmouth vs Rochdale – Home – 13/10

The fourth game as chosen by The Grambler is…Oh no! He/she/it’s picked Portsmouth to win!  We had them two weeks ago and they couldn’t even give us a draw (granted, it was against Fleetwood who are a zillion places higher in the league).  Well, maybe Rochdale are different.  Oh no! They are also a zillion places higher up the league!

I did say that if Portsmouth didn’t start winning a few games they would end up in the Conference League.  Maybe, just maybe, this will be the week when they start to turn things around.  Yes, maybe Rochdale are having a bad run.  Nope.  Won their last four.  Well, you know, maybe they will slip up this week. Yes, that’s it.  Oh look…a pig flying!

Motherwell link: Portsmouth right back, Yassim Moutaoukil was on loan to Motherwell in season 2009-10.  The fans loved him, not least because they could sing the theme from the James Bond ‘A View to a Kill’!

 

Stenhousemuir vs East Fife – Away – 10/3

And finally Esther The Grambler takes us to Ochilview Park where the Warriors (or Stenny if you prefer) take on the Fifers (must have taken ages to come up with that one!).  Stenny are currently in 3rd place in the table and the Fifers are in 7th.  Sounds close until you realise there are only ten teams in that league!  That’s Scottish Division 1 (Here we go again - it's Division 3).  And when you realise that in their last three encounters Stenny have been the victors, you will agree that The Grambler looks to have got it woefully wrong again.

Motherwell link: Stenhousemuir manager, Martyn Corrigan played in defence for Motherwell from 2000-08. He made 243 appearances and was known by the fans as the Kaiser (cue for a song – Kaisera sera, whatever will be will be).  Stenhousemuir’s Darren Smith also played for Motherwell from 2004-10.  He was one the youngest players ever to get a game being only 16 (cue for another song) when he made his first team debut.

 

And there, ladeez and gennulum, you have it – five games which – if The Grambler has got it spot on (doubt it though) will, as a five game accumulator earn you…roll on the drums…Ouch, I’ve fallen off.  Last time I roll on drums…174/1

But wait, there’s more.  You don’t think I am daft enough (I do – Ed) to just go and do an all-or-nothing bet.  No, I am far too cowardly for that so, as per usual, there is the ‘doubles’ bet.  That means that if any two games come up there is some money back to put in the fund.  If, by some good fortune, all five predictions are bang on, we also get odds of….82/1

So, my gramble of eleven 20p bets (woo hoo, last of the big spenders – Ed) if they all came up would give the fund a whopping £51.45

Don’t hold your collective breath though – remember Portsmouth and East Fife.

 

And to finish, remember that you can contact The Grambler  thegrambler@hotmail.co.uk should you ever feel the need to.

Results for Week 4

First of all I want to make a heartfelt apology to The Grambler.  I am so sorry I questioned his/her/its sanity when he/she/it predicted that Aston Villa would beat the blue mob from Manchester.  I did ask if he/she/it knew something I didn’t; well obviously he/she/it did.

 What The Grambler obviously took into account was that Manchester City, while taking all the points from their home games so far this season, have a poor record away from home and today’s loss means that they have won only three of their last eleven away games.

 It must have seemed that today was the day when they would get their first away win of the season (and compound Villa’s woes) because City dominated from the off.  Their goalkeeper, Joe Hart, had little to do other than apply hair gel.  However, it took until nearly half time before City actually scored.

 Okay, let’s not turn this into a match report; suffice to say Villa equalised, City scored a second, Villa equalised and then got a third.  Villa 3, blue mob from Manchester 2.  Yay!

 Match two as chosen by The Grambler was Bolton vs Yeovil and this turned out, as predicted, to be a draw.  Yeovil took the lead on 79 minutes and as 90 minutes approached Yeovil must have thought a second win was theirs.  But no.  The Trotters hit back on 90 minutes to salvage a draw.

 Last week I reported that this was Bolton’s worst start to a season for 50 years.  You might also be interested to know that they have not actually won a league game since the 20th of April.  One bit of good news for fans is that their team is no longer in last place in the table; the point takes them racing up the table to…second bottom.  And only on goal difference at that. 

 So, two correct predictions for The Grambler.  This is looking good.

 The Grambler’s next match prediction was a draw between Millwall and Leeds United.  Well, this is where the bet starts to go a bit awry.  Millwall gubbed Leeds 2-0.  Nuff said.

 Just a little point – Leeds United could have taken the lead on 48 minutes when ex-Motherwell man Ross MacCormack took Mowatt’s left wing cross – but basically cocked it up.  Twally!

 Right, so two correct predictions and one wrong – not looking quite so good now.

 The Grambler gave us a prediction of a home win for Wolves vs Sheffield United.  Wolves dutifully obliged and won this 2-0. Wolves are definitely on a roll at the moment but are still at number three in the table behind Peterborough on the same points with both only three points behind Leyton Orient who could only draw today.

 The Blades, on the other hand have slipped two places pop pickers to number 24 Oright? Right! (Come on, you must remember ‘Fluff’ Freeman).  What that means is they have dropped to the very bottom of the table.

 Three correct predictions out of four; looking better.  One game to go; okay the accumulator is kaput, but three doubles are up already, what about the last one?

 Chesterfield vs Mansfield Town was The Grambler’s last game and for this one a draw was predicted. Sadly, he/she/it got this one wrong.  A draw seemed a reasonable prediction with Chesterfield unbeaten at the top and Mansfield in third and unbeaten since the first game of the season.  However, a 37th minute goal was enough to give Mansfield all three points.  The Spireites (I can’t get over that for a nickname) are still in number one spot on 22 points but Mansfield, Oxford United and Fleetwood are all sitting not so far behind on 18 points.

 So, to summarise, three out of five correct predictions, and given that one of those games had odds of 6/1, The ‘cowardy’ bet actually paid quite handsomely this week.  See http://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 for actual winning amount.  What do you mean is that all you won?  If we all had a wee win like that, think how much could be donated to the fund.

 I have had a few questions asking how the ‘complicated’ betting system works.  Okay, Stewart always went for broke and would stick a quid on a five game (or occasionally seven) game accumulator – which did occasionally come off.  I, however, am far more cautious and have a five game accumulator plus ten ‘doubles’ - count them – 1 & 2, 1 & 3, 1 & 4, 1 & 5, 2 & 3, 2 & 4, 2 & 5, 3 & 4, 3 & 5 and 4 & 5.  Ten.  That means that I have eleven bets in all.  Now, there is no way I am going to ‘chance’ £11 by putting a quid on each (I am a cowardly gambler at heart) so I limit the bet to a measly 20p per bet – hence my total of £2.20.

 Clear?  It is quite simple really.  Isn’t it?

 Any road up, remember to go to http://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 and make a wee donation.  Doesn’t have to be much.  As my grannie used to say ‘mony a mickle maks a muckle’.  (but to be fair, she was crackers). Wise words.

 Look out for week five’s predictions some time soon.

 

 

 

 

Week 4 This has got to be better than last week. Hasn't it?

Before I begin; what about Morton, eh?  Woo hoo!

 

Right, back to The Grambler…

 

What can I Say?  The Grambler made a right old bollocks of it last week.  You are probably asking yourself ‘What went wrong?’, or ‘What is the point of all this?’, or even ‘Did you manage to sort out your tea-making facilities?’  Well, the answers are ‘Everything’, ‘To raise funds for the Bobby Moore Fund to improve awareness and hopefully one day find a cure for the horrible disease that is bowel cancer’ and ‘Yes thanks; it’s a kettle’.

 

Anyhow, let’s have another shot at this.  Surely The Grambler can’t get it so wrong again.  Surely.  Surely?

 

So by way of introduction here is that well known crooner, jazz pianist and rhyming slang, Nat ‘King Cole to start us off – Take it away, Gnat…

 

‘Grambling rose, grambling rose, why you gramble, no one knows….etc. etc.’

 

Saturday, 28^th September 2013

 

Here are the five games which make up our bet –

 

Five game accumulator from all leagues

 Game – Result – Odds

 

Aston Villa vs Manchester City – Home – 6/1

 

So game number one is…. Oh no! Not them again.  Aston Villa fouled up our Grambler prediction last week by actually winning a game, away from home as well; then, blow me, three days later lose by four goals at home!  How can The Grambler possibly predict that Aston Villa (sitting at number 13 in the league) will beat the blue Manchester mob (number 3).  That’s the same Manchester mob that last week beat the other Manchester mob 4-1!  And followed that on Tuesday with a 5-0 drubbing of Wigan in the League…sorry…Capital One/Diddy Cup.  In the meetings between Villa and Man City last season Man C won both – 1 nil at Villa Park and 5 nil at home.  Although Villa did knock City out of the League, now Capital One/Diddy, Cup after extra time.  No doubt Man City fielded their reserves under 19 third squad for that one.  What on Earth is The Grambler doing by predicting that Villa will beat Man City!  He/she/it must be bonkers in the nut!

 

Oh well.  It is about random gambling after all.  Can’t say I am very happy about The Grambler’s prediction here – maybe he/she/it knows something I don’t (wouldn’t be hard – ed.).

 

Bolton Wanderers vs Yeovil Town – Draw – 11/4

 

Let’s try again.  Ahem.  Game number two is Bolton v Yeovil.  Oh no!  Not them again.  Bolton fouled up our Grambler prediction last wee… Ever had a feeling of déjà vu?

 

Okay, we all knew The Grambler was way out long before the match against Brighton even started, but this week?  Who knows?  Bolton and Yeovil are bottom of the table and third bottom respectively.  Yeovil were promoted to the Championship as Division 1 final play-off winners and must have felt pretty good when they travelled to Millwall on the opening day of the season and got a win.  Sadly, that game on the 3^rd of August was their only win of the season so far.  Nearly two months on and Yeovil have only one other point on the board from a mid-September draw against Sheffield Wednesday.  What can I say about Bolton?  Poor old Bolton.  Only three points from three draws this season.  Still, it could be argued that Bolton are the better side as they have lost five out of eight games and Yeovil have lost six.  It could be argued; but it won’t be. Any road up, The Grambler has predicted a draw.  Yep.  Why not?  I’ll go with that.

 

Millwall vs Leeds United – 9/4

 

So on to game number three – Millwall v Leeds.  Leeds go down to London (sarf uh de woo-ah) to play Millwall at The Den.  Both sides are much of a muchness this season; Leeds sit number 13 in the Championship having won three and drawing one of the eight games so far this season.  Millwall have a couple of points fewer in 18^th position having won two and drawn two.  In last season’s meetings between these two, victory was by a single goal to the home side.  So, with both teams having lost four games this season The Grambler’s prediction of a draw would seem to be a reasonable one.  Again, I have to say, a fair shout.

 

Motherwell link: Both teams have ex-Motherwell players in their squads.  Leeds have goal-machine Ross MacCormack and Millwall have goal-machine Scott MacDonald.  Australian MacDonald famously prevented Celtic from winning the league title back in 2005 by scoring twice in a thrilling last game of the season; the day is still fondly remembered as ‘Skippy Sunday’.

 

Wolverhampton Wanderers vs Sheffield United – Home – 4/5

 

Onwards and downwards to division 1 (or 3 as it really is.  Premiership; Championship indeed!) for our fourth game in which the Blades take on Wolves at Molyneux.  And talking of onwards and downwards that seems to be exactly the direction taken by Wolves in the last couple of seasons having been relegated from the Premiership to the Championship and from there to Division one in quick succession (without Harry Rednapp’s help either!).  Luckily, things seem to have stabilised a bit this season and they are currently sitting third in the table.  And being the fourth manager in as many years Head Coach Kenny Jackett will be hoping his isn’t on a shaky nail (ho bloody ho. Ed.).  Sheffield United, on the other hand are way down at number 22 pop-pickers.  Not Arf.  So, on paper (it’s being composed on a laptop you twally! Ed.) The Grambler’s prediction of a home win would seem spot on.

 

Chesterfield vs Mansfield Town – Draw – 13/5

 

And finally Esther, we come to game number five of The Grambler’s predictions.  Down to the depths of the 2nd division (it’s the 4th! It’s the bloody 4th!!) we travel to Chesterfield where the Spireites (I’m not making this up) play host to the Stags at the Proact stadium. What a daft name!  It used to have the even dafter name of the b2net stadium until Swedish firm Proact acquired the b2net business.  Just a bit of background information for you there.

Anyway, should be a good game this one with Chesterfield sitting pretty at the top of the table and yet to be beaten and Mansfield Town – returnees to this league having won the Conference League title last season - in number five spot with only one match lost and that was on the opening day of the season.  Both teams are obviously capable of winning this one - obviously no equivalent fixtures from last season to give us a guide - so The Grambler might be right to suggest that this encounter will end in a draw.

One final point – last week I mentioned Norwich having a player with a cracking name; this week put your hands together please for Mansfield Town’s Godfrey Poku!  Actually, not even sure he is still with the Stags; he spent all of last season on loan to Southport and the last I heard Telford AFC were looking to get him on the books.  Any of you gramblers know his whereabouts?

 

Betting Odds

So there you have it fellow gramblers – The Grambler has decided.  I would be tempted to go for broke this week were it not for that Aston Villa prediction.  So, like last week I shall go with a five game accumulator and ten doubles.

 

So the odds on the five game accumulator paying out (Aston Villa to beat Manchester City - Ha Ha Ha!) the total odds are….drum roll….550/1.  Wow, what fantastic odds (he said in a deadpan way.  Aston Villa indeed!)

 

But like last week we have our cowardy bet which is worth up to (if Aston Villa were to actually beat Man C. – Ha Ha!) 143/1.

 

It isn’t going to happen.  Sorry for being so pessimistic but Aston Villa – I ask you.

 

Happy grambling.