Sunday 6 October 2013

Week 5 results - So near yet so fah me re doh

The simple answer to the question posed at the beginning of Saturday’s predictions is no.  True, my cowardy bet did give me a winner.  One double came up thus rewarding me with 99 of your British pennies. Woo bloody hoo.  Since the bet costs £2.20 it’s not exactly a positive outcome.  But, I refuse to lose faith in The Grambler and will still be stupid enough to place a bet next week.

Now, before I give this week’s results, I will explain a few things for those of you who aren’t really into gambling, but still want to help the cause by donating to The Grambler’s ‘Kick Cancer’s Arse’ Fund.

 Firstly, let me explain my own way of putting money into it.  I have a bet on The Grambler’s predictions each week.  Each week’s bet costs a mere £2.20.  If it wins more than £2.20 all the money (including the stake) goes to the fund.  If the winnings are zero or (as in this week’s case) less than £2.20, I still put £2.20 into the fund.  Basically, I put the stake money in no matter what.  The Bobby Moore Fund wins even when I lose, if you like (even if you don’t like – it’s no skin off my nose).  That seems quite simple to me.  And if I can understand it, it must be simple.

Okay, what if you can’t be bothered with all that betting and stuff and just want to help kick cancer’s arse – and, let’s face it, who doesn’t – well the simplest way is to go to and select donate and... well… donate.  By the way, it looks a bit confusing lately because Geraldine’s pal and her family are currently adding sums of money to the fund so you might think you are giving to the wrong justgiving page.  You’re not though, there is Stewart in his Scotland top looking pensive (Stewart, not the Scotland top).

Right.  Clear?  Good.  Let’s find out what happened to The Grambler’s predictions on Saturday.

First up Huddersfield vs Watford which The Grambler predicted would be a home win for Huddersfield.  I, in my notes, suggested that this was… mmm… unlikely.  However, after what Aston Villa did to Man City last week (and West Ham did to Spurs today – Wow!) I went along with the bet (despite thinking The Grambler was bonkers in the nut).  As it turned out The Grambler got it wrong.  Although, it looked promising – Huddersfield took the lead after 17 minutes (Ward) and hung on to it for oooh… almost a minute when Watford’s Forestieri equalised.  Watford took the lead just before half time when they were awarded a free kick.  That was dealt with by goalkeeper Smithies who parried the ball straight to Pudil who simply lobbed it back over his head.  Watford manager Zola Budd said he ‘wassa pleaseda weetha the teamsa performancea’.  Incidentally, so far this season Watford have 22 goals (the best in the Championship) scored by 10 different players!

Next up The Grambler picked Port Vale vs Bristol City as an away win.  In my notes I suggested that The Grambler had bollocksed it up again; and so it proved to be.  No, I am being unfair because until the 90th minute it looked as if The Grambler had called it right.  The Robins took the lead in the 55th minute when Wagtail..sorry Wagstaff..I’ve got birds on the brain… hit the top corner from 15 yards.  However, they were denied all three points (and The Grambler denied a ‘hit’) when Hughes picked up a slack back pass and easily rounded the keeper to tap in.  Do you realise what you have done?  Yes you, Lee Hughes.  By your selfish greed you have denied the Bobby Moore Fund a decent pay-back this week!  Well, I hope you are pleased with yourself!  What the hell are you doing playing football at your age, anyway?  You’re 37 for goodness sake! You should be taking the wife to Ikea on a Saturday afternoon instead of spoiling the dreams of hundreds (well 7) Grambler followers by kicking footballs about!  Shame on you, you, you…old person!

Ahem.  Sorry about that.  Next we headed to Devon for a Devon derby in which Exeter beat Plymouth Argyle as predicted by The Grambler.  The Grecians took the lead on 56 minutes when Davies slotted in from an Alan Gow (Yay!) pass.  Argyle equalised on 69 from a Luke Young free kick.  It looked to be heading for a draw until the 83rd minute when Alan Gow (Yay!) put the Grecian 2000s ahead.  ‘Alan’ Bennett sealed the win on 90 minutes with a third goal for the home side. Exeter manager Paul Tisdale was very proud of his players and very pleased with the win telling the BBC, ‘I’m very proud of my players and very pleased with the win,’ before heading home for some scones with clotted cream and jam.

The fourth match chosen by The Grambler was Portsmouth vs Rochdale.  For this game The Grambler predicted that Portsmouth – you know, the club that is dropping down the league faster than I don’t know what – were going to beat Rochdale.  You know, Portsmouth sitting at 17th in the table to beat Rochdale sitting 5th.  You know, Rochdale who had won their previous four games.  To be beaten by Portsmouth who could only boast two wins out of nine played.  Honestly!  How ridiculous!  There is absolutely no way a team like Portsmouth is going to beat a team like Roch…Oh they did?  Well I never.  Three nil too?  Good heavens.  What’s that you say?  A police helicopter flew over the ground?  So pigs do fly after all.

And finally Esther Stenhousemuir vs East Fife was The Grambler’s fifth prediction.  And what was the prediction?  That East Fife, who are a bit…well…crap, would beat the mighty Stenhousemuir.  Ha ha ha!  When was the last time East Fife so much as took a point off Stenny?  Oh.  So they drew, did they? Yep.  I thought The Grambler had called it totally wrong.  To be fair he/she/it did, but it wasn’t the complete opposite that I imagined it would be.  Stenny nearly took the lead within 4 minutes when Darren Smith (Yay!) hit the post (Boo!).  They did indeed take the lead on 23 minutes when Darren Smith (Yay!) was brought down in the box by goalkeeper Greg Paterson (Boo!) [This is turning into a bloody pantomime – Ed] and John Gemmell scored from the spot. However, just before half time East Fife’s Craig Johnstone netted from a Pat Clarke cross to earn that point.  So, before the game East Fife were sitting in seventh in the league; where has that point taken them?  Sadly, down to tenth (ie. bottom!).  Unfortunately for East Fife, Stranraer, Airdrieonians and Forfar – the three teams previously below them – all won their games and swiftly overtook them.  Ahh.

So, as I mentioned earlier, The Grambler was right with only two of the five predictions.  Not a good week’s predicting , but I am sure you will agree, ‘we was robbed’ – two of the other results could so easily have gone The Grambler’s way.  I am still confident that one day, The Grambler will get it spot on and when that happens, I will be kicking myself that I have only put 20 pence on for the accumulator!


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