Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Week 8 - How's my Grambling?


This week we say goodbye to the late, great – no, just late – Noel Harrison, who was famous for um…being Rex Harrison’s son and…that’s it.  Oh, no.  He was in The Girl From Uncle – stop sniggering at the back – it was a TV programme.  Oh, I nearly forgot – he sang this rather nice toon.

Like a clock whose hands are grambling
Past the minutes on its face
And the world is like an apple
Grambling silently in space
Like the grambles that you find
In the gramblings of your mind

There you are; the theme from that famous film The Thomas Crown Thingie.

Let us gramble.

This week we have a total of 52 games for The Grambler to randomly choose from.  It would have been 66 if 14 other matches hadn’t been scattered around the weekend at various times.  I mean Friday night.  Who wants to watch football on a Friday night?  It’s not natural.  Football is meant to be played at 3pm on a Saturday!  Don’t get me started.

Right, well I have obviously seen what The Grambler has predicted for us this week and what can I say?  Arrrgh! seems appropriate.

Game – Result – Odds

Yeovil vs Nottingham Forest – Draw – 11/4

Righto off we go.  The Grambler’s first selection takes us to Huish Park where the Glovers play host to the Foresters – sounds like two families having afternoon tea – ‘Another scone Mrs Forester?’ ‘Why, thank you, Mrs Glover.’ [Get on with it – Ed] And he/she/it has predicted a draw.  Hmm.  Methinks The Grambler has been at the sherbet again.  Yeovil are sitting slap bang at the bottom of the Championship (Here we go again.  It’s League 2!!!) on 6 points and have won only one game this season and that was on the 10th of August.  Forest, on the other hand, are currently in 4th spot having lost only 3 games out of the 12 played so far.  In The Grambler’s favour is the fact that out of those 12 games, Forest have drawn 5.  Two of those draws were this month, but both were against fiercer opposition than they meet on this occasion.  We can’t even check previous encounters between these two because this is the first time they have met since 2008, Yeovil only gaining promotion to the Championship this year.  Their league position does not lie – they are struggling.  A draw?  I think it is fair to say that The Grambler has got this one totally and completely wrong!

Motherwell link: Nottingham Forest Manager Billy Davies was a player with the ‘Well from 1993-98 making 116 appearances.  In 1998 he was appointed manager and stayed until 2001.  He is a very good friend of Tommy Sheridan (But not such a good friend that he would take part in a threesome.  Definitely not.  No way.  He states that quite categorically.  Through a lawyer and everything.). 

Carlisle United vs Bristol City – Home – 7/4

This is the second week running that The Grambler has selected Carlisle – last week’s prediction of a draw against Oldham went belly up with Oldham taking all the points and Carlisle boss Graham Kavanagh got sent to the stands for being sarky.  He applauded the ref’s decision when it went the way of the Cumbrians.  And the ref sent him to the stands for it.  Twat!  Kavanagh later said, ‘The referee gives an awful decision and then he's completely inconsistent for the rest of his game.’  I’m sorry?  So what you’re saying is that he was making correct decisions for the rest of the game?

Any road up, to this game.  We visit Brunton Park where the Cumbrians play host to the Robins.  The Grambler predicts that this will end in Carlisle’s favour and I have to agree with him/her/it on this one.  Carlisle are on a bit of a run right now – well, if you discount that one game against Oldham – they haven’t been beaten since 7th September and are gradually working their way up the table.  Not bad going.  Bristol, on the other hand, are rooted to the bottom of the table at number 24; their six points coming from six draws – they have yet to win a game.  Yeah.  With The Grambler on this.  Deffo.

Notts County vs Preston North End – Draw – 13/5

For our third selection we head south to the Midlands, to Meadow Lane where the Magpies take on the Whites.  County are having a crap season having only one point more than Bristol City so they are in position number – Can you guess?  Yes 23.  Their 7 points come from two wins and a draw.  So they have lost three quarters of the games they have played.  Preston, however, are sitting pretty in 4th spot having lost only two games.  Do you understand the point I am making here Grambler?  Notts County have lost 9 and Preston have lost 2.  And you think it will end in a draw?  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  I think you will have realised - I do not agree.

Cracking names of the week time.  Yes you read that right – names.  Plural.  Seems you don’t get into the Notts County squad without a cracking name so here goes – first up goalies Bartosz Bialkowski and Fabian Spiess, defender Mustapha Dumbuya, midfielders Joss Labadie and Jamal Campbell-Ryce and finally forwards Enoch Showunmi and Romello Nangle.  Those names are just brill!  Unfortunately for Notts County having terrific names does not equate to having a terrific squad.

Motherwell link: Preston’s Chris Humphrey used to play for the Mighty Well.  I told you.  Yes I did.  The last time The Grambler picked Preston.  Do you remember.  I did tell you.  He’s fast.  Have you forgotten?  You’ve got visitors coming soon.  I’ll make you a nice cup of tea when they arrive.  Have you been?

Port Vale vs Gillingham – Draw – 12/5

Next we are off to New Vale Park where the Vale take on the Gills.  The Grambler, for the third time, has predicted a draw.  Hmm.  Interesting one, this.  Port Vale are currently sitting in 12th spot, pop pickers with Gillingham down at 17th.  Not arf.  Both teams won on Tuesday evening, albeit against weaker opposition ie. teams well down the table.  You would think that Port Vale, being higher up the table and with home advantage, ought to win this.  But hold on there.  Gillingham have an interim manager, Peter Taylor, who is desperate for the job to be made permanent.  Perhaps his desire to win could work in the Gills’ favour.  That is why I am sticking my neck out (There you are. That’s a bloody good tortoise impression.) and agreeing with The Grambler on this one [hardly sticking your neck out, then – Ed].  Yep I think a draw is a pretty good prediction.

Mansfield Town vs Plymouth Argyle – Away – 7/2

And finally Cyril?  And finally Esther we head to Field Mill where the Stags play host to the Pilgrims.  The Grambler has gone for an away win on this one.  The Stags, who have only this season been promoted to Division 2 (It's f*%*@*g Division 4!!!) currently sit 7th in the table and the Pilgrams are a little bit lower in – oh bugger – 19th.  Come on Grambler, what are you doing to us?  There’s Mansfield who have lost only three games so far this season against Argyle who have won only two.  And you reckon that Plymouth Argyle can take all three points.  Nope!  No chance.

Here’s an interesting fact – Obviously, the Pilgrims are named after the religious mob the Pilgrim Fathers who colonised the New World in 1620, well Mansfield Town also have a religious connection – they were founded in 1897 as Mansfield Wesleyans.  Isn’t that interesting? [obviously your interpretation of the word ‘interesting’ is the same as everyone else’s for ‘boring’ – Ed]

 

I reckon the odds tell the whole story.  We haven’t a hope in hell this week.  If all five results as predicted by the grambler come up the odds are over 567/1.  That means for my 20 pee stake The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Arse Fund would receive £113.60.  That is ludicrous and I can assure you it just will not happen.  No, I am not being pessimistic – just realistic.

What, I hear you ask, about the cowardy bet?  I don’t really hear you ask.  Don’t worry those of you of a nervous disposition, I’m not hiding behind the couch listening to you asking about the cowardy bet.  That would be silly as well as a bit creepy.  Well, even that (if all selections come up) gives us crazy odds of over 125/1.  That means a huge possible return of £25.76.  Nonsense.  It will not win.  It just won’t.  Okay, maybe a couple of bets will come up, possibly three, but all five?  Doubt it.

So this is what you could do.  You could take on the bet as I have [Pillock! – Ed] or you could be ultra-cowardly and simply donate your ‘stake money’ to http://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 and that means it goes straight to that wonderful charity the Bobby Moore Fund which is trying hard to kick cancer’s arse.  Specifically bowel cancer’s arse, which is rather apt.

But then you will have that niggling doubt.  What if.  What if The Grambler has got it right?  What if I put that £2.20 bet on and it came up?  That would mean a return £139.36!  Woo hoo!

Fellow gramblers – the decision is yours.
 
Before I go - How's my Grambling?
 
I know there are many readers of The Grambler from all over the world - and other places.  So, I would welcome your feedback.  You can contact me at thegrambler@hotmail.co.uk .  I Look forward to reading your messages.

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