Another celebrity arrested in Operation Yewtree*
A man has appeared in Portsmouth Magistrates’ Court charged with historic offences against underage children. The offences are alleged to have taken place between the early 1960s and the late 1980s. The man, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was referred to as ‘The Captain’ by those making the allegations.
The Captain is said to have lured young children onto his sailing vessel ‘The Bird’s Eye’ as crew members with promises of adventure, a life on the ocean wave and unlimited supplies of fish fingers. It later transpired that the term ‘fish fingers’ was merely a euphemism for [Stop right there - Ed]
*We have been advised by our legal department to point out that this is totally untrue**
**As we don’t have such a thing as a legal department, this is also untrue.
Anyway, let’s get down to grambling matters. How did The Grambler’s predictions fare this week. Read on and all will be revealed.
Brentford vs Crewe Alexandra – Prediction Draw – NAW
Five nil. Five nil! Grambler, how on earth did you get this one so wrong? We all knew Crewe weren’t going to take a point off Brentford, but come on, five nil. That is pretty rubbish grambling.
Granted, Crewe went 43 minutes without conceding and then Marcell Trotta trotted in (do you see what I did there?) to head in the opener from 18 yards. After the break the floodgates opened. Adam Forshaw scored straight after the restart. On 58 minutes George ‘Jimmy’ Saville made it three. Now then, now then, Crewe were in trouble. But double trouble was to follow when Clayton Donaldson scored twice in 63 and 73 minutes. As they say in Footballpunditland – Game over.
Bristol Rovers vs Bury – Prediction Home win – NAW
I didn’t really think this would have gone The Grambler’s way and I was right. I did say I thought a draw was the most likely outcome [Stop crowing – Ed]. Any road up, it turns out I was right and The Grambler was wrong. Put that in your pipe and smoke it Grambler!
Joe-John O’Toole, sorry, John-Joe O’Toole scored from the spot on four minutes. Sadly, dad Peter was in the bar at the time and missed it. Shaun Beeley gave away the penalty when he ahem ‘mistimed’ a tackle on Elliot Richards. I bet Shaun was beelin’. [Ha bloody ha – Ed] However, on 36 minutes he redeemed himself with a well timed cross for Danny Hylton to tap in.
Ooh I remember Danny Hylton. He was very good. What was that song he used to sing? The one about rats with big boots on. And they lived in a…what was that programme with him from QI? The daft one. He lived in one as well. You know it. He was a magician or something and people used to go to him if they had an crime that wanted dissolving. It had sails. Mice! Not rats. And they didn’t have boots on they had clogs. What was that thing they lived in? They went clip clippetty clop. On the stair. Right there. Jonathan Speaks. That was the programme. And it was a windmill. Oh hang on…I’m thinking of Ronnie Hilton. [Go back to sleep Arthur – Ed]
Scumthorpe vs Accrington Stanley – Prediction Away win – Aye!
Wow! I take it all back Grambler. You (randomly) chose well here. 7/2 odds as well. Woo hoo!
Stanley beat Scunthorpe 2-0 (all right, nil 2 as it was an away win) to take their unbeaten run in the league to six. George Bowerman opened the scoring on 26 minutes with an excellent angled shot into the far corner of the net. Ten minutes later he turned provider with a left-wing cross for Kayode Odejayi to head home.
Accrington’s manager James Beattie believes there is still a long way to go, but is very pleased with the team’s progress. ‘There’s a long way to go, but I’m very pleased with our progress,’ Beattie told BBC Radio.
Stenhousemuir vs Arbroath – Prediction Home win – Whahey!
You always get a good game between these two. Last time they met Stenny won 4-3. This time? 3-2. Sounds a cracking game. Well, the second half anyway.
Sean Lynch opened the scoring on 49 minutes. Michael Travis levelled it for the Smokies on 64 minutes. Next up, Eddie Malone for Stenny on 73 minutes. Errol Brown – surely not – sorry, Errol Douglas gave Stenny a third six minutes later. Lee Erwin (you know, him on loan from Motherwell) scored another for Arbroath on 83 minutes but, Stenny held on to take all the points.
Good old Stenny. That win gives us a return on our bet. But, even better was to come…
Peterhead vs East Stirlingshire – Prediction Draw – Wahahaheyyyy!
And finally, Cyril? And finally Esther The Grambler predicted a draw between the Blue Toon and the Shire (See, I didn’t call them the Shite). I have to admit, I thought Peterhead would walk this, but the Shire seem to be a different team these days and still top the table a third of the way through the season; albeit now only one point ahead of second placed Annan Athletic who won on Saturday.
Both sides had plenty of chances in the first three quarters of this game, but neither could actually score. Peterhead finally broke the deadlock on 76 minutes with a spectacular bicycle kick from Andy Rodgers. The Blue Toon support must have thought they had all the points as full time approached. East Stirling’s Jordan McKechnie had other ideas. With the last kick of the game he drilled the ball home to give the visitors a share of the points (I could get a job as a football reporter; see, I know all the right cliches.).
So, hard luck for Peterhead, but good luck for The Grambler and the Kick Cancer’s Backside Fund which benefits this week by
Not a fortune, I grant you but, by our standards, it’s pretty damn good. So all you gramblers out there in Gramblerland must be wondering what to do with the money you have won. Well, wonder no more, the Bobby Moore Fund will be happy to receive it from you. To donate, just go to http://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 and follow the simple instructions.
Bye for now my fellow gramblers. Week 12 predictions will be posted in the next few days. I bet you can’t wait.