Sunday 29 December 2013

Week 17 Results - Now with added John Barnes

Let’s begin with a little teaser.  First, read the following paragraph.

"The melody implies a minor key, with harmonies on the tonic and subdominant. This would, of course, be bizarre and inappropriate for the [lyrics]. But we find that the tonality is actually the relative major of the key implied by the tone, and the harmonies consist of the tonic (with a free-floating sixth) and dominant ninth. Suddenly the words and music make perfect sense, the tension of the dissonances conveying the sense of an appeal ... rather than the actual presence of [what the lyric is requesting]."

Double you tea eff?  As they say in the modern parlance.  This is a Wikipedia article about a song.  It’s not a particularly complicated song, but some professor of music (sorry, professor of critical musicology.  Yeah.  I know.) has come up with this poncey description.  Do you know what the song is?  If you have watched BBC programmes over the Christmas period, you may have heard it.  If you listened to Miranda Hart’s Desert Island Discs selection, you will have heard it.  Any idea? 

The song is ‘Bring Me Sunshine’, the song that Morecambe and Wise used to sing at the end of their show before dancing away from camera to the back of the stage/studio while moving their hands between head and arse as if they couldn’t decide which to scratch.

Honest.  Nae nae kidding.  Professor of critical musicology, indeed.  Pompous twat.

Or is it all a joke?  Wikipedia could be playing silly buggers with us.  It has happened before, you know.  Who remembers the explanation of John Barnes managerial tactics?

Strategy & Tactics
Teams managed by Barnes are taught to either hold or give the ball providing they do it at the right time. When in attack Barnes' sides attempt to get the ball to the line at a variety of speeds ranging from slow to fast. In team talks Barnes' always warns his players to be wary of the opposition’s attempts to hit them and hurt them in both defence and attack. One criticism levelled at sides managed by Barnes is that one way they beat their opposition is as a result of getting around the back. John Barnes, although born in
Jamaica, is a self proclaimed England man, and he refers to his tactical strategy as "the masterplan".

Sadly, for whatever reason, this has been deleted.  Why, when it is so obviously spot-on?  Here, he tells us himself.

Okay, how did The Grambler’s predictions go today?  The usual?  Wrong?  Not quite.  Read on…

Charlton Athletic vs Sheffield Wednesday – Prediction Home win – Naw

Charlton Athletic 1 Sheffield Wednesday 1

Sheffield Wednesday remain in the relegation zone after drawing with fellow Championship strugglers Charlton.

Dale Stephens gave the Addicks the lead soon after the break from Lawrie Wilson's through-ball.

Connor Wickham equalised from close range after good work from Chris Maguire and Kieran Lee, although there was a suspicion of offside.  Oh great!  Offside!  So because some linesman couldn’t be bothered to raise his flag, The Grambler is denied a correct prediction.  Shame on you – you ‘sponsored by Specsavers’ linesman!

Leicester City vs Bolton Wanderers – Prediction Home win – Yay

Leicester City 5 Bolton Wanderers 3

This sounds a good un.  Eight goals!

Danny Drinkwater scored the Foxes' opener on 5 minutes from 20-yards before Bolton scored twice in five minutes through Andre Moritz (15 minutes) and Jermaine Beckford (20 minutes).

Anthony Knockaert made it 2-2 on 37 minutes with a header which was absolutely knockout.  Do you geddit?  Knokaert?  However, Bolton regained the lead 2 minutes later when Moritz drove in his second.

The first half ended 3-3 when Tim Ream found his own net (41 minutes) before strikes from Lloyd Dyer on 75 minutes and Gary-Taylor Fletcher on 89 minutes secured the points for Leicester.

Woo hoo!  The Grambler got one right!

Aberdeen vs Ross County – Prediction Home win – Yay

Aberdeen 1 Ross County 0

A fine free-kick from Aberdeen youngster Nicky Low was enough to see off Ross County at Pittodrie.

It was an explosive start from the Dons with the 21-year-old curling the ball into the net within the opening minutes.

The expected hail of goals did not arrive though despite the home side's dominance, and Scott Vernon had a penalty saved by Michael Fraser.

Woo hoo!  Two predictions right for The Grambler!  Is this week going to be the big one?


Accrington Stanley vs Southend United – Prediction Home win – Nah

Accrington Stanley 1 Southend United 1

Stanley led with an own goal from Mark Phillips, the Shrimpers' centre-back turning Lee Naylor's cross into his own net just after the hour mark.

Home keeper Andrew Dawber made a series of fine saves, twice denying Michael Timlin, while George Bowerman twice failed to hit the target for the hosts.

And Dawber was powerless to prevent Luke Prosser nodding in Kevan Hurst's corner to ensure the points were shared.

Bloody Luke Prosser!  Probably a ‘momentary lapse of concentration’* thus denying The Grambler a third correct prediction.  Pillock!

*His lame excuse when clocked doing 108 mph on the M6 toll road.  Pillock!

Oxford United vs Scunthorpe United – Prediction Home win – Naw

Oxford United 0 Scunthorpe United 2

And finally Esther Deon Burton (Yes, that Deon Burton) scored his fourth goal in four games as Scunthorpe won at Oxford to move up to second spot in League Two (4!!!).

The 37-year-old pensioner headed in Marcus Williams' cross, but later had a penalty saved by Ryan Clarke after Deane Smalley handled in the box (Ooer missus!).

Oxford fell further behind when David Syers fired in the second.

And their best chance went begging when goalie Mrs Slocombe upended James Constable, but saved Smalley's spot-kick.

Slocombe was perhaps fortunate to only receive a yellow card for the initial foul, but dived to his left to keep out Smalley's shot.

So that’s it for another weak…sorry…week all my grambling chums out there in Grambleland.  There was some money back because of those two correct predictions –

49 pence

Speak up.  How much?

49 pence

Oh, so this week, instead of losing £2.20, I only lose £1.71.  Thanks a bunch Grambler.

Never mind.  There’s always next week.  And it is still the season of goodwill so if you are feeling goodwilly [Eh? – Ed] do remember you can donate any amount of dosh you want to the Bobby Moore Fund via .  I am pleased to say we are fast approaching the half way point in our target of £10,000.  But as Tesco keep telling us – Every little helps.  So, go on, make that donation.  You know you want to.


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