Friday 24 January 2014

Week 21 - Gramblerplan diet - watch those pounds disappear

So the great Gramblerplan Slimathon is well under way.  The big weigh in takes place each Sunday.  I was utterly shocked/dismayed when I saw what I weighed at the start.  Suffice to say, the Bobby Moore Fund (via will benefit muchly if I get down to my correct weight and give a pound (money) for every pound (weight) I lose.

I was also shocked to find out how official slimming clubs work.  Talk about money for old rope!  They charge 6 quids a week for members to get weighed!  Now correct me if I am wrong, but I think it only costs 20 pee to get weighed in Boots (or even without boots).  Of course, I understand how separating you from large amounts of hard earned encourages you to lose weight.  By taking that much money, they are reducing the amount you might spend on those little luxuries in life.  Like food!

So how do I intend losing those unwanted lbs?  Well, the Gramblerplan states quite clearly ‘Eat less and exercise more’.  One area I plan to improve is portion size at meal times.  One potato less, a bit less meat, that sort of thing.  As for the exercise bit…. Hmm.  I am not the most mobile person in the world, but I have devised a way to exercise more and that is – be totally disorganised.  You what?  Yes.  Here’s a for instance.  If I need to go upstairs for a few things, I bring them down one at a time.  Thus, instead of climbing the stairs once, I have to climb them several times.  Here’s another.  When I hang out washing, I place the basket as far away from the line as possible and walk forward and back for each item I want to hang up.  Watch the pounds drop off.  Or how about?  I ‘Lose’ the TV remote control and actually get up off my fat backside to change channel.  I’ll tell you what, I should patent this slimming technique.



I saw this somewhere and thought you grambler folk out there might find it as amusing as I did.  I suppose it is vaguely relevant – diet, food, cooking.  Yeah?  No?  Good though, isn’t it?


Let’s move on, shall we.  Who’s birthday is it this week?  None other than ex-Genesis caterwauler Pheel Collins.  63 this week.  He started out as a no’ bad drummer with Genesis and then when Gandalf…sorry, Peter Gabriel…left, he took over singing duties.  If you can call his technique of nasal whining 'singing'.  You will have gathered, I can’t stand his ‘singing’ style.  Bloody screecher if you ask me.  Any road up, here’s a gramblerised version of one of his solo ‘its. 

I can feel it grambling in the air tonight, Oh Lord
I've been grambling for this moment, all my life, Oh Lord
Can you feel it grambling in the air tonight, Oh Lord, Oh Lord I've been grambling for this moment, all my life, Oh Lord, Oh Lord….

Baddam … Baddabba … Dam …etc. etc.


Shall we get on with some grambling?

Oh oh.  Cup weekend again.  Only twelve cup games though and, of those, only nine fit the rules of selection – both teams in the senior leagues, game on at 3 pm on Saturday the 25th of January – so, do we include them?  Naaah!

That leaves The Grambler to make his/her/its selection from 40 games, 19 of which are from the Scottish leagues.  So, Grambler, do your worst…

And here come the predictions…

Oh, you have done.

Game – Result – Odds

Rotherham United vs Crawley Town – Prediction Home win – 19/20

For our first game we head to the New York Stadium where the Millers play host to the Creepies, sorry, the Reds.  The Grambler reckons that Rotherham, currently 6th, will beat Crawley, currently in 15th spot.  Can’t really argue with that.  But just a cotton picking minute there Muskie, in their last three meetings (their only meetings) Crawley have won 2, Rotherham only 1.  Actually, Rotherham won the most recent of the three, so I still agree with The Grambler.

Dagenham & Redbridge vs Scunthorpe – Prediction Away win – 11/8

Moving swiftly on; for game number 2 we head to the Victoria Road Stadium where the Daggers play host to the Cun…sorry, the Iron.  Just a mo.  They are called Dagenham & Redbridge, but the stadium is the London Borough of Barking & Dagenham.  So where does Redbridge fit in?  Surely they should be called Barking & Dagenham.  Although, that does sound like a firm of lawyers, so maybe not.  Anyways, The Grambler has predicted that Scunthorpe will win against Dagenham &…the Daggers (easier to type).  Scunthorpe have not been beaten in the league since the 16th of November and currently sit on the top spot.  The Daggers currently sit in 10th spot and have lost their past couple of games.  On paper, it looks as if The Grambler has this one right.  However, Scunthorpe only managed a draw against lowly Wimbledon last week.  Are they having a ‘blip’?  Will it spur them on to beat the Daggers?  Bear in mind, if you will, that on the one and only time the teams have played each other (August 17th 2013) the spoils were shared in a one all draw.  Will the Daggers take something from this one?  Hmm.

Northampton Town vs Chesterfield – Prediction Away win – 19/20

Right, for game number three we head to Sixfields Stadium where the Bollocks…no that’s not right…the Cobblers, that’s who I mean, play host to the Spireites.  The Grambler predicts that Chesterfield will take the points here.  Given that Chesterfield sit at number four in the table and Northampton sit rock bottom, there is no way I could disagree with him/her/it.

Kilmarnock vs Inverness Caledonian Thistle – Prediction Away win – 5/4

Game number four takes us up to Rugby Park (home of the delicious Killie pie) where Killie play host to Cally Thistle.  For the third time this week The Grambler has predicted an away win.  Could be right.  Inverness are in fourth spot whereas Killie sit four off the bottom of the table.  Killie had a shocking start to the season, but things have improved of late – Kris Boyd has begun to get the goals again – and they are moving up the table a bit.  Since manager Yogi Hughes took over at Inverness, their performances have been a bit erratic. Inverness have taken only 5 points from the last 18 possible.  Away win?  Doubt it Grambler.  But I read today that Russell Latapy has joined the Cally coaching staff; if he can get the players dodging and weaving as only he could….

Falkirk vs Dundee – Prediction Home win – 6/4

And finally, Cyril?  And finally Esther we head to the Falkirk Stadium where the Bairns play host to the Dark Blues who, you will be interested to know, play in dark blue shirts.  What a surprise.  The Grambler has gone for a home win this time.  This, in spite of the fact that Dundee are sitting pretty at the top of the table and Falkirk are in third spot.  However, only 3 points separate the teams, so this could be classed as a six-pointer.  If Falkirk can take the points, they could potentially be top of the table on Saturday evening.  Given that they haven’t lost a league match since the 26th of October last year, who would bet against it?

So there you my gramblerinis, the predictions are in, the bet is on.  What do you reckon?  Could this be the week?  Could this be the week when I can finally stop asking - could this be the week?  Anyhow, if it is the week the amount of dosh going into the Bobby Moore Fund will be a staggering (How does a sum of money stagger?) …..


No’ bad eh?

Oh and, by the way, enjoy your haggis and neeps all you gramblers heading for a Burns' Supper this weekend.


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