Monday, 27 January 2014

Week 21 Results - How's the diet going?



Hello all my chums in Gramblerland.  Here are this week’s results…


But wait, I hear you say, what of the Gramblerplan diet?  Ah.  Yes.  That.  Are you sure you don’t just want the results?


Oh no, I hear you say, I want to know of the brilliant, can’t fail diet regime known as ‘Gramblerplan’.  Yes.  Umm.  The results are very interesting.  I think we should get on with them, without further ado.


Tush and taradiddle.  Ado be blowed, I hear you say.  Did I really hear you say that?  Do tell.  How goes the diet?  How much weight lost?  Mmm?


Okay.  I did say that the Gramblerplan diet couldn’t fail.  Eat less, exercise more it tells us.  Yes, well.  Those results really are very, very interesting, I’m sure no one is really interested in how my silly diet is going.  No.  No.  I promised I would keep you posted on how much weight I am losing.  So, deep breath, here goes.


I have lost weight since last Sunday’s weigh in.  Honest.  I really have…. Just not quite as much as I would have hoped.  I mean, I have tried to eat less.  And I have been really disorganised.


How much weight have I lost?  Those results are really quite intriguing, you know.  Are you sure you don’t want to just get on with them?


HOW MUCH?


A pound.  One pound.  Well, one pound and two ounces to be precise.  I know I know.  Rubbish isn’t it?


Of course it didn’t help that on Friday evening I went to a Burns Supper.  Weirdest Burns Supper I’ve ever been to.  Not a mention of the bard at all.  Basically a large meal followed by a few bevvies.


Anyway, the point is, haggis is quite fattening.  But I love haggis.  Can’t resist it.  Yum.  Haggis and neeps.  Mmmm…oh, I’ve dribbled on my keyboard.


Hopefully, next week, I will lose a bit more.


So, onwards and upwards.  The results.  We won!  Nah.  Only kidding.  Win?  Us?  Ridiculous!  Two out of five came up, so we got a little back.


So what happened?  Read on…


Rotherham vs Crawley – Prediction Home win – Naw!


Rotherham 2 Crawley 2


The Grambler reckoned that Rotherham would win this one, but they were pretty outclassed here and only a last gasp goal in stoppage stoppage stoppage time earned them the draw.


On-loan striker Matt Tubbs slotted in from close range for the first goal of his second spell at Crawley, against the side he played for until 6 January.


Keiran Agard equalised from the penalty spot after Ben Pringle was felled by Joe Walsh.  Then Tubbs set up Josh Simpson to restore Crawley's lead.


But Agard fired home six minutes into five minutes of added time (?) to level.


Dagenham & Redbridge vs Scunthorpe – Prediction Away win – Naw!


Dagenham & Redbridge 3 Scunthorpe 3


Scunthorpe you stupid cu… idiots.  66 minutes gone.  Three nil up with goals from Sam Winnall (after what happened later on, perhaps he should be renamed Sam Winf***all), pensioner Deon Burton and Paul Hayes.  Cruising.  Absolutely cruising.  League leaders Scunthorpe should have won this outright, but the Daggers had other thoughts.  On 67 minutes Abu ‘Einstein’ Ogogo knocked in the Daggers first.  Ten minutes later Chris Dixon scored a second.  Then, on 84 minutes, the referee stopped play as the heavens opened.  The players emerged after ten minutes onto a pretty much unplayable pitch which was covered in puddles; one of which came to Daggers debutant Luke Norris assistance.  The ball spun to a halt in a puddle in front of goal and Norris simply rolled the ball into the net.  Scunthorpe manager Russ Wilcox said after the match, "I think we took our foot off the gas and thought that the game was over, and it never is.”  Actually, Russ, a game generally lasts about 90 minutes with a few added on as ‘stoppage’ time.  If a game were never over, you would still be out there playing.  Stoopit iriot.


Northampton vs Chesterfield – Prediction Away win – Yay!


Northampton 1 Chesterfield 3


The Grambler got one right [About bl**dy time – Ed].  Yay!  Chesterfield moved into the automatic promotion places with a win in dreadful conditions at Northampton.


Darren Carter had the Cobblers ahead from the penalty spot early on after keeper Tommy Lee fouled Hallam Hope.


But a quickly taken Spireites free-kick let Dan Gardner rifle home an equaliser from a tight angle on his full debut.


Gary Roberts then chipped the keeper to put the visitors ahead before Armand Gnanduillet's low strike compounded the hosts' misery.   For did they not say, “Our misery is compounded!”  All right, they didn’t say that.


Paul Cook's Chesterfield appeared to cope much better at a damp, wet Sixfields as they inflicted a third straight home defeat on the Cobblers, who are now six points adrift at the foot of the table.


Kilmarnock vs Inverness Caledonian Thistle – Prediction Away win – Naw!


Kilmarnock 2 Inverness 0


I have to say, I had my doubts about The Grambler’s prediction even when I did my write-up.  Didn’t I say so at the time?  “Away win?  Doubt it Grambler,” I said.  And that was before I realised that Cally captain Richie Foran would still be unable to play because of a shoulder injury sustained before Christmas.


Kris Boyd was on target again scoring his seventh in nine games (and 13th of the season) on 74 minutes to give Killie a win after Lee Ashcroft's 16th-minute goal separated the sides at the break.


Inverness threatened an equaliser in between, but it was another useless fruitless afternoon for John Hughes' visitors, who have won just once in seven games and now sit seven points off third-placed Motherwell.


Falkirk vs Dundee – Prediction Home win – Yay!


Falkirk 2 Dundee 0


And finally, Cyril?  And finally Esther The Grambler got another prediction right.  Whoop de f***ing doo! 


Falkirk replaced Dundee at the top of the Scottish Championship with victory over John Brown's side.


Conor McGrandles (That sounds like something Long John Silver might say.  Aharrr! Conor me grandles, Jim lad!) opened the scoring for the Bairns, firing home from the middle of the penalty area.


Dundee were reduced to 10 men when Kyle Letheren was sent off for fouling Roy Loy (Really?  No, Roy Loy.), but the striker's penalty was saved by substitute Dan Twardzik.


However, he made amends by steering the ball past Twardzik midway through the second period.


So there you have, my little grambling chums.  Only two correct out of five.  But, as I stated earlier, there is some money coming our way.  How much? 


98p


Could you speak up please?


98p


That is absolute shi…not very good.  Ho hum.  Maybe next week.  I might have said that before.


Any road up, tune in again soon, for Week 22 predictions and some more diet advice for those of you on the Gramblerplan diet.  I and a few others have pledged to put One pound (dosh) for every pound (weight) shed into the Bobby Moore Fund (via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 ).  Hopefully, by next weekend I will be able to report a better weight reduction.  I do have one little piece of dieting advice to give you before I go – Don’t eat three portions of haggis at one meal.


How about a gag to finish?  Food related of course.




Thank you and goodnight.

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