Saturday, 4 October 2014

Week 9 - A dishwasher gramble


Stewart was an amazing person -  A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an adored uncle.  He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and will be missed by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good.  We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel cancer.  If you wish to donate to the fund, you can via https://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 .

 

If you haven’t already done so, please read the article which recently appeared in the Daily Record and learn from Stewart’s story that you must never be complacent.  It makes grim reading for us, his family, even though we were beside him throughout his ordeal, or battle; call it what you will. http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/heartbroken-widow-geraldine-smith-raises-3452997

 

Before moving on to this week’s topic, here is a link to an article in my favourite (not) newspaper which deserves to be read.

 

Stewart’s wish was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to oblige.  Welcome to The Grambler, the most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…

 

Topic of the week?  Dishwashers.  As the guy from the Fast Show might have said – Aren’t dishwashers brilliant?  They are though, aren’t they?  I’m talking about the electrically-powered dishwasher, not someone with their sleeves rolled up.  Brilliant labour-saving gadget, it is.  You just have to put your dirty dishes into it.  Mind you, you must make sure they go in the correct places; you can’t just shove them in willy nilly.  So you put big plates in the larger spaced rack, small plates in the closer spaced rack, bowls too, cups and glasses on the top rack. But, hey, you won’t mind taking the time to do all that; after all, it’s a brilliant labour-saving device.  Of course you have to replace a lot of your existing crockery when you first get a dishwasher, because plates might be too big a diameter or bowls not shallow enough to fit in the machine properly.  But it’s worth it because you have this brilliant labour-saving gadget to do all the washing for you.  You also have to buy a lot more crockery for your kitchen; well, you’ve got to have enough to fill up the dishwasher.  It’s not good economics otherwise.  Oh, and cutlery has to go in the special holder, which can be a bit futtery.  Remember not to put sharp knives in with the blades pointing up otherwise you could shred your hands when you come to remove them (the knives that is, not your hands); or, worse, fall awkwardly when you are emptying the dishwasher and become impaled on a knife.  Not that a dishwasher is any way unsafe, you understand…As long as you do everything correctly, you should come to no serious harm from this brilliant piece of labour-saving kit.  Then, of course, you must remember to rinse everything under the tap before putting them into the washer.  Absolutely brilliant it is.  When it is full and ready to go, you might have to rearrange things a bit, in case the washer blade doesn’t spin freely.  But it is brilliant; just think how much time it saves.  Anyway, it takes a couple of days to load up and then it’s time to switch it on.  Which programme?  The economy wash lasting 40 minutes?  No, that doesn’t take the gunge off.  Medium wash lasting an hour and a half?  No, still not hot enough.  Intense hot wash lasting almost three hours?  Yep.  That’s the one.  Really brilliant.  Obviously, you can’t have a cup of tea or anything while the dishwasher is on; every item of crockery you have is in the dishwasher being cleaned.  But, hey, once the three hours are up…you can have a cup of tea.  Actually you can’t, because you have to leave everything to cool down for the next couple of hours before anything can be touched otherwise you risk burning several layers of skin off your hands.  But everything is brilliantly clean and dry.  Then you can empty the dishwasher and put everything back in its place in the cupboards.  I say everything is clean and dry, but plastics don’t retain heat the way pottery and metals do, so they have to be dried with a tea towel.  Then you can put everything away.  Well, not everything obviously.  Some things aren’t so brilliantly clean after the programme because you didn’t rinse them off adequately; so they will have to be scrubbed in the sink before you can put them away.  Although, it is probably more hygienic to put them through another dishwasher wash to ensure that they are spotlessly clean.  It is brilliant though.  Oh, and sometimes, if something is a bit dirty during the programme, the dirt can be circulated round all the other items in the dishwasher so that lots of items end up with dirt on them.  And, because the machine was running at such a high temperature, the gunge is pretty much welded to them.  Obviously they have to be rinsed off in the sink before you can put them away in the cupboard.  I say rinsed off, you are probably better giving them a good soaking to loosen some of that gunk…Actually, it’s probably safer to put them back in the dishwasher to be cleaned thoroughly.  Well, let’s face it, a dishwasher is brilliant, and so labour-saving.  Oh, and you must remember not to load the machine up too much in case you block anything, such as the little box which holds the washing tablet.  If that is fouled in any way, well, the tablet doesn’t circulate and can just end up congealed to some items.  No matter; you just have to rinse them off (well, soak them) and begin the three hour cycle again.  Dishwashers?  Brilliant.  Oh and be aware that if you put anything in that has a pattern, the scouring action of several washes can fade the pattern or erase it totally.  But hey, look how much time you save.  It’s brilliant.  And another thing, any glassware that goes into it can become brittle and can crack without any apparent reason.  And it can look pretty scratched if it goes through a lot of washes.  So can cutlery.  Oh and watch out for any non-stainless items; they can rust.  But it’s worth it to have them cleaned in such a brilliant labour-saving device.  Obviously, a three hour cycle is going to eat up a lot of electricity, but, once again, isn’t it worth it to save you all that work.  And dishwasher tablets are a bit pricey as well, but again, worth it to save you all that work.  Oh yes, as labour-saving devices go, it’s up there with the ‘inventions’ of Jems Vacuum-Cleaner.  Don’t get me started!

 

Any birthdays of note today?  Yes indeedy.  The 4th of October saw the birth of Richard Cromwell 1626 (Oliver’s lad), Damon Runyan 1880 (Matt Damon’s Grandad), Buster Keaton 1895 (Diane’s dad), Charlton Heston 1923 (Heston Blumenthal’s dad), Basil D’Oliveira 1931 (Olive Oyl’s lad), Jackie Collins 1937 (Phil’s mum), Jim Sillars 1937 (Peter Sellers’ son), Susan Sarandon 1946 (Sarah and Don’s mum), Anne Widdecombe 1947 (Uncle Tom Cobbley’s mum), Anneka Rice 1958 (Tim Curry’s mum) and Yvonne Murray 1964 (inventor of minty boiled sweets) to name but eleven.  Trouble is, none of them ever had a hit worth gramblerising.   However, on October the 3rd 1941, Ernest Evans was born.  Thus, Ernie celebrates his 73rd birthday on Friday…Hold on, hold on.  Just who is Ernest Evans, I hear you ask.  Only, Chubby Checker.  So let’s all gramble along to his biggest hit – Let’s gramble again….

 

Come on everybody!
Clap your hands!
Aww, you’re grambling good!

I'm gonna sing my song
It won't take long!
We're gonna do the gramble
And it goes like this:

Come on let's gramble again,
Like we did last summer!
Yeaaah, let's gramble again,
Like we did last year!

Do you remember when,
Things were really hummin',
Yeaaaah, let's gramble again,
Gramblin' time is here!

Eeeee, and round and round and up and down
We go again!
Oh, baby, make me know you gramble me sooooo,
And then:

Gramble again,
Like we did last summer,
Come on, let's gramble again,
Like we did last year!

 

Who's that, gramblin’ up there?
Is it a bird? Noooooo
Is it a plane? Noooooooo
Is it The Grambler? YEAAAAAAAHH!

Gramble again, like we did last summer,
Come on, Let's gramble again,
Like we did last year!

Do you remember when, things were really hummin',
Come on, let's gramble again,
Gramblin' time is here

Heeee, and round and round and up and down we go again!
Oh, baby, make me know, you love me sooooo! And then:
Come on, gramble again, like we did last summer,
Let's gramble again, like we did last year!

Come on, let's gramble again,
Gramblin' time is heeeere!

 

BOP BOP!

 

By jove, I needed that.  By the way, did you know why Ernest picked the name Chubby Checker, apart from the fact he was a little on the portly side?  Well, it is all to do with needing a good showbizzy name and cheekily copying another big act of the era.  None other than Fats Domino.  You see, Chubby from Fats and Checker from Domino.  That only really works in the US of A where checkers is the name for draughts.  Chubby Draught doesn’t sound quite right, does it?  Chubby Ludo?  Chubby Snakes and Ladders?  At least Domino used his real surname.  Chubby Evans?  What’s wrong with that?  Hmm.  You’re right.  Sounds like the sort of comedian you’d get at Blackpool.

 

Okay, let’s get down to grambling matters.  How did last week’s predictions do?  We won.  Yay!  Well, no, not really a yay moment.  Three out of five came up.  That means we won a grand total of £2.48 meaning a real profit of…

28 pees

Yeah, right.  A real profit.  What happened?  Read on…

 

Blackpool vs Norwich – Prediction Away win

Result - Blackpool 1 Norwich 3

Waheyyy!

Norwich went top of the Championship after coming back from a goal down at Blackpool to record their fourth consecutive away league victory.

Nathan Delfouneso (Bless you!) put the hosts in front, turning in a rebound after John Ruddy saved well from Ishmael Miller.

The Canaries levelled when Donervon Daniels headed Nathan Redmond's corner into his own net before Lewis Grabban's grabbed – do you see what I did there? – the goal which put them ahead.

Josh Murphy sealed the win with goal number three.

Barnsley vs Swindon – Prediction Away win

Result – Barnsley 0 Swindon 3

Woweee!

Swindon scored three second-half goals to stretch their unbeaten run in League One to seven games with victory at struggling Barnsley.

Wing-back Nathan Byrne opened the scoring after the break with a low shot into the bottom corner.

He then set up Jake Reeves for a close-range finish, before Andy Williams swept in his fourth goal in four games and then gave everyone a rendition of Moon River.

Centre-back Jean-Yves M'Voto volleyed over for the Tykes, while Devante Cole had a shot saved by Wes Foderingham.

Chesterfield vs Notts County – Prediction Home win

Result – Chesterfield 1 Notts County 1

Oooh!  Hit the bar!

Notts County goalkeeper Roy Carroll produced an excellent display to help his side pick up a point at League One rivals Chesterfield.

The visitors took the lead when Blair Adams drilled a low shot into keeper Tommy Lee's bottom-left corner.

Georg Margreitter equalised with a header from a corner after the break.

Carroll saved well from Doyle, Daniel Johnson and Dan Gardner as Chesterfield were denied a winner.

 

Newport vs Wimbledon – Prediction Draw

Result – Newport 4 Wimbledon 1

Rubbish!

Well that wasn’t much a prediction!  On-loan striker Joe Pigott scored twice as Newport County moved up to 15th place in League Two with a comfortable win over AFC Wimbledon.

Ismail Yakubu's close-range header gave the Exiles a 1-0 interval lead.

Pigott pounced for a second when Chris Zebroski's shot was parried by goalkeeper James Shea and Pigott's deflected shot put Newport 3-0 up.

Adebayo Akinfenwa (who just, but only just, wins this week’s cracking name of the week award) headed one back for the Dons, but Aaron O'Connor sealed the win from the edge of the box.

Dunfermline vs Peterhead – Prediction Home win

Result – Dunfermline 3 Peterhead 0

Whaheyyyy!

Dunfermline secured a comfortable Scottish League One win over Peterhead, who finished the match with eight men.

James Redman saw red after 16 minutes when he scythed down Dunfermline's Joshua Falkingham.

And Steven Noble and Jordon Brown were both dismissed after a rammy shortly before the break.

Falkingham fired the opener, Gozie Ugwu (Runner-up for cracking name of the week) poked home the second and James Thomas smashed in a late third for the Pars.

So that was last week.  What has The Grambler got in his/her/its bag to amuse us this week?  First, how many senior games take place this Saturday the 4th of October at 3pm?  48.  That’s a wee bitty lower than the usual number of games and the reason for this is that the first round of the Will I Am Hill Scottish Cup.  No matter, 48 is not a bad old number to work with.  What has The Grambler chosen for his/her/its predictions?  As occasionally happens I am just listing the games without adding any thoughts.  Why?  Because The Grambler has broken the rules.  Shock!  Horror!  How?  By picking a game that takes place not at 3pm, but at 12.15pm.  He/she/it will be getting a rap on the silicon chips for that faux pas.  Any road up, this being Satdy morning, I am a bit short of time [It’s you will be getting a rap on the knuckles, mate. – Ed.].  So here we have it – No spiel, just the deal.

Game - Result – Odds

Leicester vs Burnley – Prediction Home win – 4/5

Leeds vs Sheffield Wednesday – Prediction Away win – 29/20

Wolves vs Wigan – Prediction Home win – 11/10

Coventry vs Crawley – Prediction Home win – Evens

Mansfield vs Accrington – Prediction Home win – Evens

The bets are placed – 10x20 pee doubles plus 1x20 pee accumulator.  If that lot go as predicted by The Grambler the amount heading towards the Bobby Moore Fund via The Grambler’s Kick Cancer’s Backside Fund will be a not insubstantial…

£15.94

What do you reckon?  Could this be the week?

And now ladeez and genullum, its Teaser Time.  Last week I asked what English Premiershit team had the worst ever goal difference over a season.  The answer is Derby County.  In season 2007/8 they won just one game and got relegated with a goal difference of…Are you ready for this?... minus 69!

What about a teaser for this week?  Which player has been sold three times by the same manager?

Just before I close, I am going to mention another topic entirely.  Cars.  Or rather, one car in particular.  You know how some manufacturers make vehicles that look sleek and will sell on their looks alone?  Well, there are some that make cars which sell in spite of their looks, simply because of the badge they carry.  The biggest culprit, to me anyway, is BMW who have given us a few uglies over the years, especially with the MINI brand.  Well, they have excelled themselves this time.  I give you the 5 door MINI…


…What were they thinking when they signed that monstrosity off at the design stage?  ‘Hey, it’s a MINI.  People will buy it no matter how shitty it looks.  Upturned bathtub on wheels?  Sure, it'll sell.'  The only car that comes close is this one…


…I think I prefer Homer Simpson’s design!

 

And finally, I am going to finish with an appeal to all you good folk out in Gramblerland.  I know many of you read this drivel week after week – my thanks to you for your perseverance – but I want the world and his brother to know about the wunnerful blog that is thegrambler.com – probably not the best blog in the world.  So please, ask your friends around the globe to read it every week and get them to ask their friends who, in turn, can ask their friends who can then ask…etc. etc. ad infinitum.

Happy grambling.

 

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