Week 15 results - Normal service is resumed

Well, Well, super Well.

Well, Well, super Well…

Woo hoo! A win.  At last.

 
Anyway, you’re not interested in the bestest team in the world.  Let’s find out how The Grambler did this week.  Did we win?  Did we f… No, we didn’t.
 
Chelsea vs Crystal Palace – Prediction Away win - Naw

Chelsea 2 – Crystal Palace 1

Fernando Torres tapped in on 16 minutes to put the Blues ahead at Stamford Bridge after Willian's shot rebounded off a post.

Palace equalised on 29 minutes via Marouane Chamakh's volley from a Joel Ward cross before Ramires curled Chelsea back in front on 35 minutes.

That was the end of the goals, but that doesn’t sum up this match.  Oh no.

Cech denied Jason Puncheon, Damien Delaney and, crucially, Stuart O'Keefe as the hosts scraped to victory.  

Did you read that? 

Scraped to victory.

That said, the home side had two glorious late chances to relieve the tension, only for Ramires to miscue on both occasions.

Now you’re spoiling it.

Boss Jose Mourinho said Chelsea were in trouble after losing at Stoke last weekend, but they are now within touching distance of the top.  While it is a contrasting picture for Palace, who remain in the relegation zone, they should take heart from another encouraging performance.

Yes they should.  Cos they could have won.

But they didn’t.  Bugger.

Blackburn vs Millwall – Prediction Away win – NAW

Blackburn 3 Millwall 2

Jordan Rhodes gave the hosts the lead on 22 minutes, evading Mark Beevers before finding the bottom corner from the edge of the box.

Martyn Waghorn superbly levelled 42 minutes after good work by Liam Trotter and Steve Morison, but parity was short lived.

Ben Marshall headed Rovers in front immediately after the break and a David Dunn header on 85 minutes gave his team the cushion before Morison bundled in from close range on 89 minutes to ensure a nervy finish.

But the home team held on to inflict a third successive away defeat on the Londoners, who are now just four points from the relegation zone.

Blackburn, who look comfortable in 11th position in the Championship, scored more than one goal at Ewood Park for the first time since the end of August.

And now…The return of that irregular feature ‘Gaffer of the Week’.

First up….

Blackburn manager Gary Bowyer:

"We scored three good goals. We didn't play particularly great [Well! Well you idiot! – Ed] by our standards but we've played a lot better and lost games.

"We're happy with the character and resilience we've shown against a tough Millwall team.

"I didn't think we passed the ball well enough today by our standards. Sometimes the conditions were not great but you have to give credit to the opposition."

That should win it on clichés alone, but next up....

Millwall boss Steve Lomas:

"We were the masters of our own downfall. The three goals we conceded were, I wouldn't even say schoolboy - probably Under12s.

"And that's the reason we're not looking up because going forward we're OK, a threat, scoring goals, but all season we've given away cheap, cheap goals.

"And again it's raised its ugly head.

"I can't keep saying it's unlucky. We're going to have to do something about it."

Those are his actual words, as he spoke them.  Go on, read it again.  What has raised its ugly head?  It is just nonsense.  Absolute bollocks.  So for that reason Steve Lomas is our Gaffer of the Week.

Brentford vs Oldham United – Prediction Home win – Yay

Brentford 1 Oldham 0

A stalemate looked on the cards as both sides fought out a fiercely-contested midfield battle, with clear-cut chances few and far between.

The hosts' Will Grigg had the best chance of an even first half when he clipped Jake Bidwell's cross just wide, before Oldham’s Mike Petrasso screwed an effort just past the far post before the break.

Saunders' goal-bound effort on the hour-mark was cleared off the line by Genseric Kusunga as the game went from end-to-end in the dying minutes.

Oldham left-back Ellis Plummer survived a clear-cut penalty shout when he sent Clayton Donaldson sprawling in the box with minutes to go, before Douglas escaped with a yellow card for a foul on the edge of the box as Oldham's Petrasso broke.

But Jonathan Douglas had the last laugh as he rose highest at the far post to lift Brentford into third as the rest of the Sky Bet League One promotion pack dropped points.

On 90 minutes that goal, so The Grambler only just got that one right.

Wolves vs MK Dons – Prediction Home win – Naw

Wolves 0 MK Dons 2

A poor Wolves sank to their second straight League defeat as goals by Patrick Bamford and Ben Reeves gave MK Dons a deserved victory.

Bamford scored after half an hour for his 14th goal of the season. Reeves notched a superb clincher five minutes after the break, rifling home from 20 yards high into the net.

Wolves made changes after half time with Leigh Griffiths and Bakary Sako being substituted.

Sub Liam McAlinden fired narrowly wide. Dave Edwards miskicked from six yards from James Henry’s cross.

McAlinden forced a save from David Martin and Henry fired horribly wide when clean through on the keeper. But it just wasn’t their day and Wolves could have few complaints when the final whistle was greeted by boos.

That was one of our bankers as well.  I was convinced the Dons couldn’t win.  Ah well.  Still one game to go for The Grambler to save face.  Cyril?

And finally Esther…

Wimbledon vs Mansfield Town – Prediction Home win – Naw!

Wimbledon 0 Mansfield 0

AFC Wimbledon and Mansfield played out a goalless draw at Kingsmeadow as the visitors avoided a club record of seven straight league defeats.

The Dons were on top for most of the first half, but Luke Moore failed to beat Stags goalkeeper Alan Marriott when played through on goal.

Home keeper Ross Worner produced excellent stops to keep out headers from Matt Rhead and Sam Clucas.

The Stags have not won in the league since 28 September.

Yeah, but they managed to play well enough to fmuck up The Grambler for this week.  That was another banker.

Oh well, back to the grambling board – Did you see what I did there? I substituted grambling for drawing – maybe we will have better luck next week.  That will be the last games before Christmas; I will have to try and give it a Crimbo feel.

And of course as you know Christmas means peace and goodwill to all (even MK Dons and Mansfield Town!).  As the great Sir Cliff of Richard once said -

Its a time for giving, a time for getting,
A time for forgiving and for forgetting.

Yeah, well ignore the bit about getting for a moment; let’s just concentrate on the giving bit.  I know all you grambling chaps and chapesses out there are incredibly generous and are just wondering – if only somebody could give me an idea of a deserving charity that I could donate a large sum of money to at this season of goodwill, for I am feeling particularly goodwillish at the moment.  Well, wonder no more, fair reader; I have the very charity for you to give large sums, or indeed any sum, of money to.  It is of course

The Stewart David Smith Memorial Fund

But how do I donate, I hear you ask.  I don’t really.  Don’t panic.  I don’t have super-sensory hearing.  Yes, how do you donate?  You simply log on to http://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 and donate away til your heart’s content.  Every pee donated goes straight to the Bobby Moore Fund which, as all you regulars know (thanks to all three of you), provides money to Cancer Research UK specifically to help find a cure for the horrible, horrible disease that is bowel cancer.

So with that plea, I bid you farewell for this week and, as this is the week of Dick Van Dyke’s birthday, I will leave the final words to the great Dick himself…

‘Comm bick soon, Grembling Pappins.’

Week 15 - A word from our founder

A long introduction this week…

 
I know that many of you out there see this blog as just the silly g-ramblings of an ill-informed, football-obsessed tw*t or tw*t.

However, occasionally something happens that sends such silliness out the window.  Recently, I was reading through some of the articles Stewart (the founder of the fantastic blog that is The Grambler) wrote for B3ta.com.  I reprint the last article he wrote for that august site exactly as it was written.  Unlike The Grambler which he continued right up to the end, he never added anything to B3ta after this one (posted 13^th January).  You will agree with me, I am sure, that this is really really sad (but he still had time for awful gags).

 

‘Lovely thread for a Saturday morning, but I kinda got told a few days ago that I ain't got long left. I have not posted on here for long and I know that a lot of people won't know anything about me but last year I was diagnosed with bowel cancer and have undergone a ridiculous amount of treatment and surgery to fix it. Two days ago, they told me that there was nothing left that they could do other make me comfortable for the inevitable.

Despite being a B3tan for years, I never really started posting until the summer when recovering from an op. The humour on here has helped me through so much and I have been surprised by how well my crap puns have been received. Sadly, there seems to have been a few B3ta related deaths recently, but they shall never take our Teh Quo or Dick Beattie!

Basically, I'm taking the chance to say thank you to a bunch of internet strangers, if this is inappropriate feel free to delete mod-people. Not been able to do much new lately but here is one of my favourite crap-jokes what I spent far too long on.

 

Cheers and keep up the good work!’

 
Those words were written by a 27 year old who only two years previously had been fit enough to run several 10k races.  Bowel cancer, we are told, affects those over 50.  Unfortunately, nobody told bowel cancer. That is why this blog keeps banging on about it.  I can’t remember which campaign used the slogan ‘Don’t die of ignorance’, but it would seem quite appropriate in this case.  May I suggest a little light reading?  Go to  http://www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/never-too-young , read and digest.
 
Okay, lecture over.  Let’s get on with the usual drivel.
 
Guess who’s birthday it is this week.  None other than comedian, actor, singer, dancer…in fact an all-round show-off…Dick van Dyke.  88 he is on the 13th.  You admired him in Bye Bye Birdie, you marvelled at him in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.  And Mary Poppins?  Well, his performance in that just astonished you.  So this week we pay homage to Dick by gramblerising his most famous toon, Chim Chim Cher-ee.  And, just to make it as close to Dick’s rendition as possible, we refer to his book ‘English Accents’ – still the Bible for all Americans playing any British character wanting it to sound exactly right.  Whether it be cockney, Yorkshire, or Scottish you want to master, Dick’s reference book provides the perfect accent.  Unfortunately, it is all the same one. We make use of Dick’s phonetic spelling to make it totally authentic (or ahthennic as Dick would have it)…
 
Grem grembully, grem grembully, grem grem bullee,

A swoip is es loggy es loggy cen be,

Grem grembully, grem grembully, grem grem bulloo,

Good lock will rab off whun Oi shikes hens wiv you.

Wall, blau me a kuss end thet’s loggy too.

 
What can I say.  Brilliant.  No, perhaps not.  That song won an Oscar, you know.  Probably in spite of Dick’s rendition than because of it.
 
This all leads me to a true story.  In the 1970s the Disney organisation thought it might be a good idea to make a sequel to Mary Poppins (or Murry Pappins in Dick’s phonetics).  Good idea.  Why not?  A writer was employed to write the script.  Pamela Travers, author of the Mary Poppins stories, was consulted.  Well, more than consulted; she was involved in the whole script-writing process.  The ‘Bert’ character would not be in this film [Thank God for that – Ed] but there would be another cheeky, chirpy cockney character to take his place.  He would be a costermonger…No I don’t know what it means either.  I would guess he mongs - sells - er… costers?  Oh, I don’t know.  Okay, I’ve just looked it up.  He sells fruit, apparently.  Why didn’t they just say that?  Anyway, everything was getting close to completion.  Casting was even discussed.  Who would Disney get to play this cheeky chappie?  Have a guess.  I bet you didn’t guess Michael Jackson.  Yep.  Michael Jackson.  Let’s get a squeaky voiced black guy (and he was still black at the time) to play a typical London street character from the early 1900s.  Lucky for all of us, the whole project was cancelled.  Phew!
 
Let’s get on with some grambling, shall we?
 
This week we have 58 games for The Grambler to select from.  All games take place at 3pm on Saturday the 14^th of December.  So where is the selection?  Where’s Arthur?  Blimey.  Have I got to do everything myself?  Excuse me for a moment…

 

Talk amongst yourselves

 

…Got it.  Ha ha ha ha ha ha!  Crystal Palace to go to Stamford Bridge and win?  Ha ha ha ha…. Oh dear.

 
Game – Result – Odds
 
Chelsea vs Crystal Palace – Away win (ha ha ha) – 12/1

For our first game The Grambler takes us to Stamford Bridge where the Pensioners play host to the Eagles.  Right.  Grambler, far be it for me to tell you how you should gramble but, come on.  This is your worst prediction yet.  Look at the odds, for goodness sake.  We’ve never had odds like that.  And there is a reason for such odds.  Crystal Palace sit second bottom of the league.  Chelsea sit third.  Do you know what I reckon?  I reckon that with those odds and those league positions, Chelsea are a bit better than Palace.  But then again…Chelsea did lose last weekend and Crystal Palace have won three of their last four.  Hmm…No.  Definitely not.  It ain’t going to happen.

 
I have just had a terrible thought.  With all the recent shenanigans  over match-fixing – you don’t think any Chelsea players might read this blog and use it as an excuse to throw the game?   [Chelsea players read this?  Can they read? – Ed].
 
It would be nice though if Palace did win it and wipe that smirk off the face of the ‘Special One’.  If ever there was a face you wouldn’t tire of kicking…Hang on.  I forgot Terry.  If ever there was a face you…and Torres.  If ever there was a ….that Abramovic and all.  I had better stop there.
 
Blackburn vs Millwall – Away win – 10/3

For our second game we head north to Ewok Park…sorry, Ewood Park where the Rovers play host to the Lions.  The Grambler reckons that Millwall can win this.  Both teams sit mid-table with only four points separating them.  Blackburn’s home record is pretty good; they have only lost two games at home all season.  Millwall have a pretty dismal record away from home, winning only one game on the road since the beginning of the season.  Based on such statistics, it would seem The Grambler is wrong again.  But, hold on there Bald Eagle, what about the teams’ last meetings.  Didn’t Millwall beat Blackburn at Ewok Park last year?  Indeed they did, but Blackburn returned the favour by beating Millwall at the Den later in the season.  So, wrong again, Grambler.

Brentford vs Oldham United – Home win – 8/11

For our third game…Hang on.  Have you got something going on with Brentford, Grambler?  They seem to appear here every week.  Any road up, for our third game we head south again to Griffin Park in Brentford where the Bees, or as I like to call them, the Nylons, play host to the Latics.  At last The Grambler has predicted a result which appears more sensible.  Brentford sit in fourth spot and Oldham are down at number 14 (pop pickers.  Not arf).  Brentford have lost only two games at home this season;  Oldham have won six away from home, but three were cup matches.  Unfortunately, they have lost a great many more games on the road; eight this season.  The stats from the past couple of seasons show that Brentford are the better team, winning the past four encounters.  So, it looks like The Grambler has got this one right.  But hold on there Bald…oh, I’ve done that already.  Brentford’s manager of two years Uwe Rosler has just jumped ship and has moved up a league to manage Wigan now that Owen Coyle has been told to f*** off.  Brentford’s first team coach Mark Warburton moves into the manager’s chair.  Might this favour Oldham?  Not according to Brentford chairman Cliff Crown who believes the new man will offer continuity at a key time.  He told reporters, ‘I believe Mark will offer continuity at a key time.’

I think I am happy to agree with The Grambler on this one.  Mind you, Oldham might improve a bit if they didn’t have David Mellor in midfield.  Blimey, he must be over 60!  And, anyway, I thought Chelsea was his team.  It was their shirt he was wearing when he was caught with his trousers down [shorts, surely – Ed] with that Antonia Sancha.

Wolverhampton Wanderers vs MK Dons – Home win – 8/11

Our fourth game takes us up to the Midlands to Molyneux where Wolves play host to the Dons.  Wolves are doing all right this season and are in second spot in the table on the same points total as league leaders Leyton Orient.  MK Dons are down at 12^th spot having 19 points fewer than Wolves.  I think I have to agree with The Grambler who has predicted that this will be a home win.  Wolves have lost only twice at home this season.  How have the Dons fared away from home?  They managed to win a couple back in August, but since then, have lost every away game.  It is no use looking at recent head to heads to give us any guidance; this is the first time the two clubs have been in the same league – indeed the Dons have not played Wolves since their move from Wimbledon nine years ago.

Wolves also use the services of a famous celebrity – Lee Evans plays in midfield.  Can’t see how his Norman Wisdom crossed with a monkey routine is much use on the football field.

 
Wimbledon vs Mansfield Town – Home win – 11/10

And finally, Cyril?  And finally, Esther we head south again to Kingsmeadow in Kingston on Thames where the Wombles/Dons  play host to the Stags.  The Grambler has predicted that Wimbledon will win this one.  Six places and five points separate the two teams in the league.  Wimbledon sit the higher in the table in 12^th spot, so The Grambler’s prediction would look to be correct. In 10 home games this season, Wimbledon have won 7 and lost 3.  So how have the Stags fared on the road?  From their last 6 away matches they have drawn 3 and lost 3.  Yes.  I think I’ll go with The Grambler on this one.

 
So there we have it, my fine grambling chums out there in Gramblerland.  Five predictions which, if they all come up with the 20 pee accumulator and 10 x 20 pee doubles will net the Bobby Moore Fund a staggering

£103.15

It’s just such a pity about that Chelsea – Crystal Palace game.  All the others could conceivably go as predicted, but not that one.

 
To finish I include a picture of a packet of pakora mix I bought recently.  I liked the name. 

 

The shopkeeper assured me he would have sold it to me even if I wasn’t a git.  Hang on a minute…

 

 

 

Week 14 Results - Money Money Money

Well, Well, super Well.

Well, Well, super Well…
Beaten again.  5 nil.  At home as well.  Just a blip.  Another one.

 

Hello all my chums out there in Gramblerland.  I’m sure you are all desperate to find out how the predictions went this week.  Be desperate no more.  Here is the breakdown of those games.

 

Bolton Wanderers vs Doncaster Rovers – Prediction Home win – YAYY!
Bolton Wanderers 3 Doncaster Rovers 0

Joe Mason scored on his debut as Bolton beat Doncaster to secure only their second home win of the season.

Mason, on loan from Cardiff City, collected Andre Moritz's pass to fire a deflected effort on 33 minutes.

Moritz crashed the second in off the post minutes later, before Matt Mills saw his header chalked off for a push as Bolton dominated the second-half.

Substitute Neil Danns added the third to seal a biggest win of the season for Dougie Freedman's Bolton.

After going eight games unbeaten, Wanderers went into the match off the back of 1-0 defeats at Middlesbrough and at home to Huddersfield.

Paul Dickov's side have scored just six times on the road this season and failed to muster any meaningful pressure in the second period, leaving them without a win in six away from home.

Do we care?  One result for The Grambler.  Could this be the week?

Leeds United vs Watford – Prediction Away win - NAW

Leeds United 3 Watford 3

This looked so promising.  After 45 minutes Watford were 2 goals up.  How on earth could they let a 2 goal lead slip away.  Read on…

The Moose/Hornets led through Deeney's 10-yard strike on 12 minutes and a counter-attack goal by Christian Battocchio on 45 minutes.

But 5 minutes into the second half Danny Pugh put the home side back in the game with a tidy finish from a tight angle and Matt Smith (I wondered what had happened to him after he jacked in the Doctor Who job) nodded in the equaliser from close range 6 minutes later.

On 78 minutes Ross McCormack (Yay) ran through to slip in a third to put Leeds ahead but Deeney scored late to earn Watford a draw.

It could be argued that the result was a fair conclusion to an even match that was full of chances and open, attacking football.  Not by me, it couldn’t!  You fmucked it up Watford!  The Grambler could have had another prediction right but for your crappy defending. Bloody Hornets with a stupid moose on your crest!

St Johnstone vs Aberdeen – Prediction Away win – YAYYY!

St Johnstone 0 Aberdeen 2

Aberdeen got their league campaign back on track with a comfortable win over St Johnstone.

Pater Pawlett opened the scoring on 17 minutes with a low drive from the edge of the box as the visitors dominated.

Saints were reduced in numbers in the second half when substitute Rory Fallon was sent off for a challenge on Dons' Michael Hector, just one minute after coming on. What a twat.

Niall McGinn's solo run and wonderful finish made sure of the points.

Watching proceedings was the former St Johnstone striker and Aberdeen boss Alex Ferguson who was invited back by the Perth club, 50 years on from his famous Saints hat-trick against Rangers.  Hmm…Alex Ferguson…whatever happened to him?

Arbroath vs Stranraer – Prediction Draw - NAW

Arbroath 1 Stranraer 2

Stranraer moved to within two points of second-place Dunfermline with victory over Arbroath in Scottish League One.

Jamie Longworth headed home Sean Winter's cross to give the visitors the lead within 2 minutes of the start.

But Ross Chisholm found Steven Doris (oh there you are, Doris) early in the second half and the on-loan Dundee forward nodded Arbroath level.

Now, why couldn’t they just settle for that?  That would have given The Grambler a clean sweep (admittedly Watford had also to not turn their two goal lead into a draw to make this a true statement).  But no, Stranraer had to go and win; Christopher Aitken (wasn’t he in that film with Brooke Shields?) scoring the winner.

Clyde vs Peterhead – Prediction Away win – YAYYYY!

Clyde 1 Peterhead 3

 
Andrew Rodgers scored twice as Peterhead won to replace opponents Clyde at the top of Scottish League Two.

Rodgers fired in from close range on 9 minutes but Scott Ferguson steered home a quick Clyde equaliser two minutes later.

However, a couple of minutes later, Rodgers' second - a header - gave Peterhead the advantage once again.

And Reece Donaldson nodded his first goal for the Blue Toon to round off the visitors' victory.

Thank you Peterhead, thanks to that win you have ensured that The Grambler not only won, but won the fantastic total of…Fanfare please…

£3.05

Cue fanfare becoming a raspberry noise.  Not very good is it?  Still, it’s a profit and is already safely in the hands of the Bobby Moore fund.  Perhaps you wonderful people out there in Gramblerland would also like to donate some dosh to the fund.  If so, all you have to do is go to http://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 and make that donation.  Even if you don’t want to make a donation, it is worth going to just to read the story of Stewart David Smith - the founder of the wonderful blog that is The Grambler - who lost his life to bowel cancer on August the 29^th this year.  You can also keep up to date with all the fundraising activities by going to https://www.facebook.com/kickcancerfund .

 

To finish, may I say that, even though The Grambler won only a small amount, it is his/her/its best showing since the middle of November.  So let’s applaud that.  Huzzah!  But one day, one day soon, surely The Grambler will get it spot on.  Keep the faith all my grambling chums.  It will happen.  I can feel it in my water [you pissed yourself again? – Ed].

 

Week 14 Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Smack!

Can I have a grumble?  No, not a gramble; a grumble.  It is regarding one of the most annoying ‘fashions’ of recent times.  Worse than baseball caps.  Worse than wearing your trousers with the crotch between your knees giving the impression you’ve wet yourself.  Worse even than suede shoes (even blue ones).  What is this heinous fashion?  Well, it isn’t actually something that is worn; more something that is carried.  It is something that seems to be only carried by old women.  I’ve nothing against old women, you understand.  It is their handbags.  Nothing wrong with their handbags either.  Nor is there anything wrong with what they carry in their handbags.  It is what they carry on their handbag.  I’m talking bells.  I said bells.  Why?  Why do old women insist on attaching two little bells to their handbags.  Jingle jingle jingle they go.  When they walk; jingle jingle jingle.  When they reach into their bag; jingle jingle jingle.  When they stand behind me in a queue; jingle bloody jingle!  It drives me barmy.  Sometimes I feel like shouting ‘Will you shut the **** up!!!’ Jingle jingle jingle.  There should be a reworking of the old Ride a Cock Horse nursery rhyme – with rings on her fingers, and bells on her toes, she shall have a smack in the mouth wherever she goes!*

 
*Please be aware that this is written to, hopefully, amuse. I am not advocating violence towards old ladies who happen to have jingly accoutrements on their bags.  Well, not much anyway.
 
Right.  Now that’s off my chest, how about a little toon.  Take it away, Roy.
 
Yes, now you're gone
And from this moment on
I'll be grambling, grambling
Grambling, grambling
Yeah, grambling, grambling
Over you.
 
That was a gramblerised version of Roy Orbison’s ‘Crying’.  He died 25 years ago this week.  Doesn’t seem that long ago we lost the Big O.
 
Ooh, we’re being all blibbing morbid again are we.  Just as well you explained what the song was about.  ‘Grambling over you’?  It looked like an euphoniumism for something very unsavioury.  And messy with it.  I always thought it was that Don…what’s his name?  Toothpaste.  Him.  I always thought it was him that sung that song.  The bloke that sang about the pie.  And what’s The Biggles got to do with it?  They never did that one.  They did that one about an video killing some bloke off of the radio.  Them videos back in the 80s were the size of a sideboard.  If one of them dropped on your head you’d be a goner, that’s for sure.  I’m not surprised it killed him.  I thought Roy Ormanton did that one that was used in that film about an proslitute.  That Richard Hammond was in it… Gere…I meant gere.  I’m getting him mixed up with the little one off that Top of the Gears programme.  Pretty Woman it was called.  He was in it with that…Ooh, what’s her name?  Her with the mouth.  Pretty?  Her?  With that mouth!  I’ve never seen a cakehole like it!  You could get an whole wagon-wheel in that gob. For all our readers out there in foreign land an wagon-wheel is a round chocolate biscuit that is circular and is about 6 inches across in diameter. In fact, her mouth’s that big you could get an real wagon-wheel in there…etc. etc. ad infinitum.
 
Ahem, let us gramble.
 
Well now, how many games have we got for The Grambler to select from this Saturday the 7^th of December at 3pm?  If we take league games only then we have only 38 to choose from and over half of them are from the Scottish leagues.  Yes, it is FA Cup weekend again.  It doesn’t half fmuck up the fixtures.  Anyway, if you remember the last time this happened we also included those FA Cup matches which featured teams from the senior leagues to avoid the Scottish bias.  This time we will do the same.  So our total goes up to 49.  Still not many, I am sure you will agree, but remember The Grambler only predicts from 3pm Saturday games, so we don’t include the 9 other matches taking place at various days and times over the weekend.

Anyway, I have just been handed The Grambler’s predictions.  Thank you Arthur.  What can I say?  Well, so much for adding those FA Cup games; The Grambler randomly ignored them altogether so we still have a Scottish bias – three games from the Scottish leagues and two from the English.  Let’s take a look at what he/she/it has randomly chosen for us this week.  Hmm.  After last week’s debacle (That’s a good word; must look it up.) The Grambler has played it somewhat safer; on a couple of the games anyway.  The others?  Hmm.

 
Game – Result – Odds

Bolton Wanderers vs Doncaster Rovers – Home win – 4/5

For our first prediction The Grambler has given us the Trotters and the Rovers at the Reebok Stadium.  The Grambler agrees with the bookies on this one.  And why not?  The two teams are only three places apart at 15^th and 18^th and only one point separates them.  Rovers are having a fair spell losing only once in the past five.  The Trotters, if you remember, had the worst start to any season ever, but managed to get a fair run of form going at the end of September and remained unbeaten until last Saturday’s defeat at the hands of Middlesbrough.  Then they lost again on Tuesday.  I hope, for The Grambler’s sake, they haven’t hit the buffers again.

Motherwell link: Doncaster defender Paul Quinn started his career with the mighty Motherwell making 161 appearances between 2002 and 2009.

Trivia: Bolton Wanderers were originally called Christ Church FC, founded in 1874 by the Reverand Thomas Ogden and the club was run from the church of the same name. They changed the name to Bolton Wanderers in 1877 and moved after falling out with the vicar.  Isn’t that interesting? [You know my answer to that – Ed]

Leeds United vs Watford – Away win – 11/5

For our second game The Grambler takes us to Elland Road where United play host to yes it’s the club with the crazy nickname, the Hornets.  Remember?  Moose on emblem so they are called the Hornets.  Barmy, I calls it.  Any road up, for this game The Grambler has chosen an away win.  If this had come up earlier in the season, I’d have said sure, no problem.  Watford got off to a flier at the start of the season losing only once in their first ten games.  Then the rot set in.  They haven’t won a game in two whole months.  Leeds, on the other hand, are on the up having won four of their last five matches.  I think The Grambler may well have called this one wrong.

Do we care?  No.  Nyron Nosworthy plays for Watford, which gives us an excuse to hear…they tried to put the ball past Nyron

Motherwell link: Leeds’ goal machine, Ross McCormack played for the ‘Well between 2006 and 2008.  In 48 appearances he scored 10 goals.  His goal average has improved from 1 per 4.8 games to 1 per 3 [Woo hoo.  Maths now - Ed]

St Johnstone vs Aberdeen – Away win – 8/5

Where to next?  Off to MacDiarmid Park in Perth where the Saints play host to the Dons.  For this game The Grambler has predicted another away win.  Again, if this had been earlier in the season I would have agreed; Aberdeen were flying high vying for second spot.  It might be too early to say the wheels have come off the bogey, but they have lost their last two league games.  The Saints, on the other hand, are improving as the weeks go on winning three of their last four.  Only two points separate the two clubs so this is a ‘six-pointer’; both will be wanting the points.  Has The Grambler called this one right?  Maybe, maybe.

Motherwell link: Aberdeen defender Mark Reynolds was another Motherwell boy, starting his career there and making 166 appearances between 2005 and 2011.

St Johnstone’s most famous supporter is probably Fred MacAuley who tells a great story about a fan sitting near him whose utterance when a decision went against his team was (I apologise for the sweary) ‘Fucking…BOO!’  As Fred remarked, ‘Sometimes ‘boo’ just isn’t enough.’

Arbroath vs Stranraer – Draw – 13/5

On to game number four and we are off to Gayfield Park where the Smokies play host to the Blues (wonder what colour strip they wear).  The Grambler in his/her/its wisdom has called this one as a draw.  Stranraer currently have 23 points; Arbroath a measly 13.  However, Stranraer was one of the few teams that Arbroath have managed to beat this season.  Can they take a point off them again?  The Grambler says yes; I say no.

Clyde vs Peterhead – Away win – 7/5

And finally, Cyril?  And finally Esther we are off to the picturesque town of Cumbernauld to Broadwood Stadium where the Bully Wee (I don’t know what it means either) play host to the Blue Toon (wonder what colour their strip is).  The Grambler reckons that Peterhead will take all the points.  Hmm.  Clyde are currently sitting pretty at the top of the table; Peterhead are in third spot with only three fewer points.  The last meeting between the two up at Peterhead was a 1-1 draw.  The previous two encounters went the way of the home side.  We know that, on their day, Peterhead are a free scoring side; Clyde tend to score fewer goals but manage to grind out the wins – they are currently unbeaten in 7.  Has The Grambler called this one right?  Maybe.

 
So there we have it my grambling chums.  Five predictions from The Grambler.  Surely, we must improve on last week’s total ballsup.  The bet is on – one 20 pee accumulator [last of the big spenders – Ed] and ten 20 pee doubles.  Thus if every game goes as predicted by The Grambler the Bobby Moore Fund (http://bobbymoorefund.cancerresearchuk.org) will receive the grand sum of

£70.47

which is nice.

 

Let’s finish with a joke:

Quasimodo goes into a bar and the barman asks what he wants to drink.  Quasi points to his favourite whisky and says, ‘The Bells!’

Ithengyow!

 

Week 13 results - I knew this would happen

Well, Well, super Well.

Well, Well, super Well…
What?  They got beaten?  Knocked out of the cup? Who by?  Celtic?  Inverness?  What?  Albion Rovers?  The team sitting second bottom of League 2, Scotland’s lowest senior league?  Hmm…
Well, Well, no’ sae well.
Well, Well, useless Well…*

Let’s get back to The Grambler;  How did the predictions go this week?
 
What did I tell you?  Worst predictions yet, I said.  What happened?  Every prediction completely and utterly wrong.  I do apologise to all you good people out there in Gramblerland.  There is no excuse.  The Grambler fmucked up again.  I blame the drink.  Where did it all go wrong?  Read on…
 
Notts County vs Brentford – Prediction: Home win – Naw

Result – Notts County 0 Brentford 1

Well, would you believe it? Bottom of the league Notts County couldn’t beat 4^th placed Brentford Nylons.  What a surprise (he exclaimed with not a little sarcasm)!
Striker Will Grigg was on target as high-flying Brentford overcame plucky – I love that word - Notts County in League One. That’s League three in old money.
Bees/Nylons plucky keeper David Button made a plucky triple save inside four minutes, denying Jack Grealish, Danny Haynes and Jamal Campbell-Ryce; plucky lads all three.
Plucky Gary Liddle also had an effort pluckily cleared off the line by plucky Clayton Donaldson.
Campbell-Ryce then blasted a golden chance over the bar before plucky Grigg converted the Bees/Nylons' first shot on goal before the break for the winner.
It left new Notts County boss Shaun Derry feeling not so plucky and still looking for his first win since taking over at Meadow Lane.

Preston North End vs Bristol City – Prediction Draw – Naw!

Result – Preston North End 1 Bristol City 0

Well, would you believe it, 23^rd placed Bristol City couldn’t beat 3^rd placed Preston North End.  What a surprise.

Preston recorded their first home league win since September against managerless Bristol City in a heated match that ended with two red cards.
Preston's Kevin Davies nodded across goal for Jack King (Hur hur.  Jacking.  Hur hur) to head home his first goal of the season.
The visitors came closest to equalising from a wide Simon Gillett shot and a close-range Aden Flint header.
Both sides finished with 10 men when Karleigh [Wasn’t that a hit for Marillion?- Ed] Osborne and Paul Gallagher were dismissed for scuffling late on.

Stevenage vs Shrewsbury – Prediction: Home win – NAW!

Result – Stevenage 1 Shrewsbury 3

Well, would you believe it, 21^st placed Stevenage couldn’t beat 13^th placed Shrewsbury.  What a surprise.

Tom Eaves marked his return to Shrewsbury with a goal as they secured a win at lowly, not plucky, Stevenage.
Francois Zoko tapped in to put the home side ahead before Adam Reach lifted an equaliser over the keeper.
On-loan Bolton striker Eaves, who only signed for the Shrews on Tuesday nodded home Paul Parry's cross to put Shrews 2 up.
Joe Jacobson then sealed the points before half time as he headed home Darren Jones's cross.

Bristol Rovers vs Wimbledon – Prediction: Draw – NAW!!

Result – Bristol Rovers 3 Wimbledon 0

Well, would you believe it, 22^nd placed Bristol Rovers couldn’t beat 12^th placed Wim….Hang on.  They not only didn’t draw as predicted by The Grambler, but they actually won.  Convincingly.

Bristol Rovers continued their improvement in league form with a convincing victory over AFC Wimbledon.
David Clarkson (Yay – ex-Motherwell, you see) put Rovers, who have lost once in six games, ahead as he volleyed in from the corner of the box.
Tom Parkes doubled the lead with a powerful header after hesitation from visiting keeper Ross Worner.
Wimbledon's Sammy Moore was sent off for a second yellow card before Matt Harrold hammered home a penalty after Ellis Harrison was fouled.

Scunthorpe vs Torquay – Prediction: Draw – NAWWWW!!!

Result - Scunthorpe 3 Torquay 1

Well, would you believe it?  Torquay, now bottom of the table,  couldn’t take a point from 4^th (up from 6^th) placed Scunthorpe.

Scunthorpe caretaker manager Russ Wilcox sealed his third win in three against struggling Torquay. That’s not three wins against Torquay; the third of his wins was against Torquay.
Sam Winnall scored his ninth of the season early on when he turned on the edge of the six-yard box to rifle home.
Torquay's Anthony O'Connor headed into his own net to double the Iron's lead before Hakeeb Adelakun struck a third.
The visitors found it difficult to trouble the home side but did manage a consolation when John Marquis' shot inched past goalkeeper Mrs. Slocombe, whose pussy was almost crushed as she fell on top of it. [Look you know Mrs Slocombe isn’t in goal and her pussy wasn’t harmed in any way.  Just report the facts, please.  Besides how many of our Chinese or Ukrainian readers will even spot a reference to that hilarious British sitcom from the 1970s, Are You Being Served? – Ed].  Sorry, the goalie’s name is Sam Slocombe and he hasn’t got a pussy.
The win sees Scunthorpe rise to fourth in the table, one point off top spot, whilst Torquay now lie bottom of League Two.

 

I wonder if the squirrel-costumed Scunthorpe supporters had anything to do with the Seagulls' collapse.

 

 

 
There you have it fellow gramblers; five predictions, five wrong.  So, once again, the Bobby Moore Fund benefits by only the stake money.  But, as I said last week there is nothing stopping you from making your own donation to the fund if you feel like it. All you have to do is go to http://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3 and make that donation.  And, again as I said last week, even if you don’t want to make a donation, it is worth going to just to read the story of Stewart David Smith - the founder of the wonderful blog that is The Grambler - who lost his life to bowel cancer on August the 29^th this year.  You can also keep up to date with all the fundraising activities by going to https://www.facebook.com/kickcancerfund .

To finish, I did say that week’s poor showing was but a blip.  Well, you can get more than one blip, can’t you?  The Grambler will pick those five correct results one day.  I’m sure of it.  Don’t despair my little grambling chums.  Keep the faith.  It will happen.  I keep telling myself that.  I don’t believe myself, but I keep telling myself, anyway.
 
*You know I don’t mean it lads.  Just a blip, eh?