Wednesday 12 September 2012

Week 4.5 Results: Happy Day of Conception to all our Russian readers!

The first midweek Grambling session did not end well.  In spite of what looked like a reasonable bet, only two results of the five turned out to be correct.  I think I might just stick to the weekend's from here onwards as I cannot handle the agony of losing twice weekly.

Without further agadoo, here is how my bet went wrong this time:

Game 1: Slovakia vs Liechtenstein
Prediction: Home win (Woohoo!)
This had to happen.  It would have been ridiculously embarrassing for Slovakia to lose to a team 104 places below them in the FIFA rankings.  I suppose this could have been considered a bit of a grudge match considering Slovakia once attempted to steal Liechtenstein.  And it certainly was not the friendliest of matches with the referee producing seven yellow cards.  But Slovakia won this game reasonably comfortably with a goal in either half.  Marek Sapara scored the first with a tap in after most of the Steinies' defence fell over whilst trying to clear a cross.  The second came from subsitute Martin Jakubko, who raced through onto a Miroslav Stoch through-ball to beat the onrushing keeper and seal the victory.  Following the match, the Slovak's coach Stanislav Griga said "they ruled their universe with absolute power. Well that football field out there, that's our universe."  Oh wait, that was Denzel Washington in Remember the Titans...

Game 2: England vs Ukraine
Prediction: Home win (D'oh!)
England, supreme rulers and inventors of football, played host to Ukraine in their second qualifier and took a point,  as many of today's newspapers decided that their campaign was doomed due to failure to win one game.  Yevgeni Konoplianka gave the visitors the lead in the first half with a splendid long-range strike and it looked like Ukraine would be taking all of the points home, along with one of the corner flags that goalkeeper Andriy Pyatov pinched for a laugh.  But much to their disgust, England won a penalty in the closing minutes as the referee forgot that Ukraine had 'any-man-save' and penalised Yevgen Khacherdi for a handball.  Fat Frank Lampard calmly placed the kick into the net to give England a point.  Their was still time for some late drama as violent thug Steven Gerrard received a second yellow card for his usual violent thuggery, but it was too late to affect the game in any way.  Roy Hodgson will probably be pleased with the point and even more pleased that the Flower and Produce Show is almost upon us in The Archers.  For some reason, I think he may be a big fan.

Game 3: Cyprus vs Iceland
Prediction: Home win (Woohoo!)
For the first time in the history of this tie, Cyprus have defeated Iceland!  Granted, that history only equates to five matches... Iceland created a host of chances with Spurs' midfielder Gylfi Sigurdsson in fine form, but the Cypriots dug their heels in and defended well and their hard-work paid-off in the second half when Konstantinos Makridisn scored from 12 yards.  Iceland could have equalised just minutes after this goal, but Alfred Finnbogason's effort crashed off the crossbar.  With five minutes to go, desperation and frustration got to the visitors as Solvi Ottesen was given his marching orders for using foul and abusive language toward the referee.  It has not been widely reported exactly what happened during the exchange of words, but I can confirm that Ottesen said to the official "mamma þín er með rusl ketill", which roughly translates to "your mum has a shit kettle".  

Game 4: Paraguay vs Venezuela
Predication: Home wins (D'oh!)
Venezuela boosted their chances of appearing at the World Cup by moving up the South American table and leaving Paraguay trailing at the bottom.  Of the table, obviously.  It now looks like the home side will not be going to Brazil, at least not on official business.  I suppose some of them might go on holiday or to visit their Great Aunt 
Milagros.  Paraguay had looked like the better side for most of the first half, but moments before the break, Venezuela's Cesar Gonzalez played a perfect pass through the defence for Jose Solomon Rondon to open the scoring.  And he got his second after half-time when Paraguayan keeper Justo Villar spilled a long range free-kick, allowing him to tap the ball into the net.  Interesting fact about Man of the Match Rondon; his name is an anagram of Sod Loners Mojo Noon.  So there.   

Game 5: Serbia vs Wales
Prediction: Away win (Hahahahahahahahahaha!)
The less said about this the better.  So to keep it short and sweet; 6-1, Wales were crap, Grambler was wrong.  Boyo.

On a side-note, we all know you're reading this Craig Levein!  So come on now, do the honourable thing...  Go to the Bobby Moore Fund website and give them some of that massive wage that you are doing nothing to justify!

Things get back to normal at the weekend as league football returns.  And a win is definitely forthcoming, I can feel it my ovaries!  Please come back on Friday; I'll be your best friend!  Until then, consider this quote to help us through these losing times:

"Winners have to absorb losses"
 - The great philosopher that is Ice-T (Mr T's son)

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