Sunday, 2 September 2012

Week 3 Results: (Not very) close but no cigar!

This week's write-up is a tad late as I was celebrating Mrs Grambler and big bro' Grambler raising £1,000 for those lovely Bobby Moore Fund peeps and another £1,000 for the local intensive care unit (who were kind enough to let me stay there for a couple of months) via the Great Scottish Run 10k.  I am rather proud of both of them and also chuffed that neither of them beat my personal best!  Seeing as The Grambler is failing to provide donations for this charitable cause so far, I am as pleased as Pagliuca that we have raised so much and if anyone out there would like to contribute, you can do so here.

Next on the agenda, FOOTBALL!  The eagle-eyed-cherries amongst you may have noticed that The Grambler has yet again lost.  But he/she/it is getting closer to that winning bet and I predict, with 72% confidence, that a win within the next decade is a 32% possibility.

Shall we take a look at the individual results then?  Yeah, why not!

Game 1: Leeds United vs Blackburn Rovers
Prediction: Home win (Naw!)

Grambler favourites Blackburn visited Elland Road to mess things up in the first game on the list as the two sides shared six goals in a presumably thrilling draw.  The visitors were 2-0 up by half time, with goals from Marcus Olsson and  Nuno Gomes.  As a side note, what do you call a religious Irish lady who was the patriarch of the Addams family and plays for Blackburn? Nun O'Gomes!  Sorry...  In an exciting second half, Leeds fought back, with horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible twat El Hadji Diouf and Ross McCormack levelling things before Argentinian Luciano Becchio put Leeds in the leads.  This tremendous fightback was just what The Grambler needed after last week's terrible showing, but it was not to be a happy ending!  Spanish striker and new-entrant on my list of enemies Rubén Rochina equalised with six minutes remaining to signal failure for my accumulator once again.

Game 2: Cheltenham Town vs Accrington Stanley
Prediction: Draw (Naw!)
Okay, so I wasn't THAT close this week.  Cheltenham were undefeated until Saturday but Stanley had the knife to kill their table-topping ambitions (I really want that to make sense but I'm not convinced that is does).  Accrington took the lead within the opening five minutes when Padraig Amond stabbed the ball home.  They were to double this lead by half time when 1930s-throwback sounding George Miller cut through the defence to score.  He then presumably danced a Charleston in a drape-cut suit to celebrate.  Marking the start of his second spell with Accrington, Benin international Romuald Boco sliced the ball into the net.  Actually, he probably didn't, but that's not the point.  Following the game, Cheltenham manager and Terrorvision Mark Yates guitarist said "I'm not one for coming out and naming names, but we were hopeless today", confirming the ineptitude of his team whilst refusing to reveal his homosexual crushes.


Game 3: Airdrie United vs Cowdenbeath
Prediction: Home win (Naw!)
Prior to kick-off, I was quietly confident about this match.  Four minutes after kick-off, my confidence was waning as Kyle Miller scored the opening goal for the 'beath.  Airdrie's Kenny Arthur then saved a penalty in the first half to keep his side in the game, but shortly after the re-start, his team-mate Marc Warren was shown the red card.  He shall no doubt be getting a Warren-ing about his future conduct.  Lewis Coult and Marc McKenzie scored late on to compound United's misery.  
I have not included any cow/beef puns in this write-up so here are a few for you to add at your own leisure: Cowden are moo-ving up the table, it was a meaty performance, the opposition were in a stew and/or mince, Colin Cameron is steer-ing his team in the right direction, the steaks were high, Airdrie were slaughtered, ... And so forth. 

Game 4: Celtic vs Hibernian
Prediction: Draw (Aye!)
The direct opposite of the previous game, I had no confidence whatsoever in this result and it actually happened!  The SPL champions were ahead twice in this game, but both times The Hibees bounced back to take a well-earned point away from Parkhead (and more importantly, allow Motherwell to move top of the league!)  The opening goal came from Swedish 
chokladbrulé med hallon* Mikael Lustig but Hibs came out fighting after the break and equalised through Tim Clancy, who sounds like he should be writing crime novels.  Fifteen minutes later and Celtic were back in front, Jake James McPake unfortunate to find himself in the way of another Lustig shot which resulted in an own goal.  But Hibs pushed forward once more and were rewarded for their efforts when they once again levelled the score via Paul Cairney, whose book 'Bible-Based Leadership for Military Professionals' is a must have for anyone interested in bible-based leadership for military professionals.

Game 5: Rotherham United vs Bradford City
Prediction: Home win (Aye!)
We're on a roll now!  Rotherham invited Bradford over to the New York Stadium for a kickabout on a mild September afternoon and proceeded to teach them a lesson in football!  And modern studies.  The game started with a bang as Rotherham took the lead after fifty-five seconds.  Midfielder Michael O'Conner notched the first goal, whilst his father Des and mother Sinead watched proudly from the stands.  United could have been further in front as Kyel Reid, whose parents clearly cannot spell, missed a sitter.  But Gareth Evans soon doubled the lead, turning in Ben Pringle's cross before turning provider as Pringle made it three before half time.  To keep the paternal theme going, Bradford manager Phil Parkinson phoned his dad Michael at half time for tactical advice, but his old man simply muttered about insurance and free pens for obtaining a quote, leaving the Bantams manager confused and penless.  Nothing of note happened in the second half until the eighty-sixth minute when Evans bagged his second, delighting Rotherham fans.  And their fathers.

Game 6: West Ham vs Fulham
Prediction: Home win (
Aye!)
An early start on Saturday and one that I was not very confident about as Fulham have been consistent and enjoyable to watch under the leadership of Martin Jol.  The Hammers made headlines on the last day of transfer dealings when they brought Andy Carroll in from Liverpool and according to reports he 'shone' on his début.  I imagine this was a result of overexposure to radioactive materials.  Like Rotherham, West Ham got off to a fine start with Kevin Nolan scoring inside the first minute to put his sisters in the mood for dancing.  Winston Reid, who should really be in Whitehall with a name like that, headed in a second to give the home-side breathing space and soon after, Matt Taylor added a third before the referee signalled for half-time.  Fulham had a couple of chances in the second half but could not find the net.  This was because of Sam Allardyce's new frowned-upon tactic of hiding it during the break.  The Cottager's own deadline day signing, and Wacky Races villain, Dimitar Berbatov also had some skilful moments but alas, the damage had already been done.

Game 7: Cardiff City vs Wolverhampton Wanderers 
Prediction: Away win (Naw!)
Our good run stops here as the only away prediction of the week failed.  The Blue Redbirds made it eight home games unbeaten thanks a 3-1 victory, which was meaningless to The Grambler anyway as the bet was already lost by kick-off time on Sunday.  And things started so well for Wolves as débutant Bakary Sako scored from a free-kick on the edge of the box.  They only had one minute to enjoy the lead before Ronald Zubar brought down Craig Noone in the box, resulting in a penalty scored by Peter Whittingham.  And the striker made it two shortly after with an eighteen-yard shot evading Wolves Nigerian 'keeper Carl Ikeme.  City's third, and Whittingham's hat-trick, was the result of another set-piece as Ralph Little's double lifted the ball over the wall.  Following this defeat, Wolves have sacked assistant manager Terry Connor, who has kept a job at Molineux for 13 years in spite of being a bit crap at most of them.  John Lange, a prominent Danish botanist from the 19th century, will replace him.

Three out of seven then.  Definitely an improvement on last week but still nowhere near that fortune that The Grambler has foretold.  We shall see what next week brings.  Probably another incorrect Blackburn prediction...

I have an exciting plug this week.  A friend has started a rolling accumulator to turn £10 into £300 via 'safe' bets.  I was going to say that it was working very well thus far, but he has just lost close to £100 that had built up through the week and thus been forced to start over.  It is a good read though and if you are after tips, it is without a doubt better than the above nonsense!  Read all about it at FootyProfit!

Continuing with the tradition of finishing with a quote, here is playwright George Bernard Shaw on Gambling:


"The golden rule is that there are no golden rules."

I think that he may also have invented Fight Club.




*Chocolate crème brulee with raspberries; my Swedish is not particularly good.

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