Week 1: Gramblers, re-assemble!

Oh why hello there, you're looking swell!  So it's a new season starting today and unlike the last new season I invented (smepper - the delicious salt and pepper combo that was going to make me a millionaire) this one has toned down over the summer - not exactly Rooney style (i.e. by adding two stone...)  We are ready to make a realistic attempt at earning some cash for the Bobby Moore Fund this year.

To highlight exactly why we are bothering, I have spent most of the summer in hospital with a sheet over my head praying for an end.  Much like David Moyes.  The marquee signings have barely rolled in at Old Trafford, whereas across Manchester, Jesus Navas and Fernandinho to make up for the painful loss of Carlos Tevez.  In London, newly reinvigorated Chelsea have added German striker André Schürrle and Spurs have signed Brazil's answer to Paul Daniels (or some other guy called Paul)  Paulinho and Spanish striker Roberto Soldado, now owner of Hampshire's largest collection of mismatched acrylic socks.  

Most changes have taken place on the management tree but there are plenty of exciting new talents to watch lower down the league, like the outstandingly named trio Ricky Van Wolfswinkel, Victor Wanyama and Florian Marange.  Of course, it all wires down to one thing....  This:

Well. not that one but you get the point.  A big cup.  Looking all purdy with ribbons on come May next year.  It'll definitely be worth it.  So Grambling pads (no idea what they are but I now need one) at the reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaady!  Let's go, season 2013/14 of the Grambler, whoop whoop!

Bet 1: Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game - Result -  Odds
Man City vs Newcastle - Away win - 10/1
Middlesbrough vs Blackpool - Home Win - 11/10
Cheltenham vs Plymouth - Home win - 19/20
St Johnstone vs Ross County - Draw - 21/10
Dundee vs Alloa - Home win - 8/13
50p @ 225/1

Bet 2: Three game accumulator from all EPL and SPL
Game - Result -  Odds
Norwich vs Everton - Draw - 23/10
West Brom vs Southampton - Home win - 6/4
Inverness vs Motherwell - Away win - 9/4
£1 @ 26/1

Just the two bets today but interesting stuff, I'm sure you'll agree*!  The main bet features Manu Pellegrini's competitive début end in terrible, unjustifiable defeat plus defeat for last season's Premiership-nearly men Blackpool.  Which might shut up Paul Ince, hooray!

Our top-tier second bet has some interesting lower Premiership games, with Everton's new boss Roberto Martinez set to taste sweet, sweet mediocrity with a draw.  Meanwhile, in the SPL Motherwell will look to follow up their (imagined) title from last season with a third successive (imagined) title win.

*If you are interested in that sort of thing in any way...

So in summary, there be a couple of bets what you may or may not put faith in.  The Grambler doesn't exactly have an amazing record and hence it will certainly be a win for us this time around.  Excpect the wins to tally up as the season flies by.

An end of season update...

Sadly, we have reached the end of the season!  And with no World Cup or European Championship to keep us entertain this year, there will be no more Grambling until August.  Nooooooooooooo!  In the meantime, I will continue to post nonsense and ramblings on football on here occasionally, just to remind everyone that the new Grambling season is just around the corner!

I'd like to thank you for your support throughout the season.  As you know, this project was set up to raise some funds and awareness for the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research and I am pleased to announce that throughout the season, we have managed to raise...

I'm rather pleased with that, and if you've enjoyed this adventure as much as me, please do click on the link to the right of the page and make a donation.  Every little helps in the fight against the massive turd that is bowel cancer!

And here is a quick and dirty football gag from Rubbertoe Mankini for your enjoyment on this beautiful summer's day...

Week 37: Gibt es irgendwelche Nebenwirkungen?

And so we have arrived at the end of the season and The Grambler has proved to be an interesting experiment/complete waste of everyone's time (delete as applicable).  Either way, we have raised £95.53 for the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research and more importantly, raised some awareness about the evils of bowel cancer (hopefully).  But wait!  We have one last chance to add to that total with the showcase game of the European season taking place tonight.  Yes, 'tis the Champions League final tonight and the whole world will be watching as Borusia Dortmund and Bayern Munich face-off to claim the greatest prize in club football.

The Bundesliga's reputation has been on the rise in recent years.  Fans across Europe have taken note of the Germanic league for a number of reasons; fan ownership of clubs, affordable ticket prices, inclusive travel deals for supporters and safe standing areas being just a few of the initiatives admired but sadly not replicated elsewhere.  The football on show has also been rather entertaining and it is little wonder that a host of German-based players are being linked with multi-million Euro transfers this summer.  Yet for some reason, the 'experts' paid immense wages by the likes of the BBC and ITV were surprised to find that Dortmund and Munich should be challenging for the Champions League final.  This is largely because they are utterly clueless, have no knowledge of anything outside of the Premiership, are not worth a penny of their wage and have been given a job because they once played football and have friends in the right places.  I hate them all.

Tonight, we shall see which team has the right to call themselves Die Große Wurst*, as the official Germanic title goes.  And it gives us once last chance to have a Gramble this season!  In order to keep it as exciting as possible, I will place one bet on each possible outcome; Borussia to win, draw at full-time and Bayern to win.  The Grambler will be picking the scores and goalscorers.  So I hope you all have your Bavarian beer, Bratwurst and Kinder Surprise at the ready for what should be a wonderful game of football.  And remember, if you have enjoyed any of the ramblings or Gramblings on this here website over these past eight months, please take a moment to make a small donation to our choice of charity.  It would make one Grambler very happy! 

*The big sausage.  May not be in any way official.

Bet 1: Borusia Dortmund to win
Dortmund finished the Bundesliga season in second place, 25 points behind tonight's opponents.  But Jurgen Klopp has had his side playing some very attractive football and their semi-final win over Real Madrid surprised many.  Polish striker Robert Lewandowski scored four goals in the first leg of said tie and this could well be his last game for Die Schwarzgelben, with a host of top-clubs interested in paying top-dollar for his services.  Another standout this season has been Mario Gotze, who will sadly miss the final with a groin injury.  He has already agreed to join Munich this summer for a reported fee of 37 million Euros.

The Grambler says that if Dortmund win, the score shall be an impressive 3-2 with Marco Reus grabbing one of the goals.  An ambitious £1 bet on said result will win us £60.  Yippee!  

Bet 2: Bayern Munich to win
Bayern fans suffered heartache last season as Chelsea beat them on their home-turf to take the Champions League final and they will be hopeful of making up for this tonight.  They eased to the Bundesliga title this season, setting a new record for the earliest title winners with six-games still to play.  Celebrated manager Jupp Heynckes is due to step down at the end of the season and Munich have pulled off something of a coup in persuading Pep Guardiola to take on the coaches role in his return to management.  Die Roten have also started to splash the cash, with the previously mentioned Gotze already on board for next season and a host of big-name players rumoured to be joining him at the Allianz Arena, including convicted cannibal Luis Suarez.

The Grambler has claimed that should Bayern Munich be victorious, the score shall be a respectable 2-1 and Arjen Robben will score one of those goals.  A £1 bet here will win a welcome £55.  Hooray!

Bet 3 Draw
Not much more to say about this one...  If the score is 1-1 cometh the 90th minute, we shall win a humongous £6.50!

That's it!  All Grambled out for the season!  Thank you for your support throughout the season and please do take the time to read up on the wonderful work of the Bobby Moore Fund and spread the word about the fight against evil, evil bowel cancer.  With any luck, we shall be back up ad running come the start of the new season (depending on good health).

Happy Grambling!

(Also, buy a t-shirt!)

Week 36: What the Hell do we do now!?

You may recall last season ending in rather dramatic fashion with that Aguero stoppage type goal against QPR prising the title from the clutches of Manchester United.  Well, this season is slightly different.  The relegation spots are filled, the title has been decided, runners-up are already in place and unless something ridiculous happens, Chelsea have have third sewn up.  So the only matter of interest is the race for fourth place.  Can you feel the excitement?  No, neither can I.  

There are of course play-off finals taking place which are far more exciting. With places up for grabs in the Championship and Premiership, Brentford will take on Yeovil tomorrow and Crystal Palace play Watford a week on Monday respectively.  And of course the Champions League final takes place next weekend so there is still something to look forward to.  But then, a whole summer without football!  Nooooooooooooooo!

This week's Grambler is made up entirely from Premiership games.  We have the usual three game accumulator and since it's the last round of games of the season... The Super Mega Awesome Grambler!  A ten game accumulator attempting to pick the winners of every Premiership games at random...  This is the bet that will prove whether there really are any footballing Gods supporting The Grambler!

Three game Premiership accumulator

Game - Result - Odds

Tottenham vs Sunderland - Home win - 2/7

West Brom vs Man Utd - Draw - 29/10

Newcastle vs Arsenal - Away win - 11/20

£1 @ 7/1

Oddly, The Grambler has managed to choose the only two games that actually matter in this accumulator, adding a little excitement to the proceedings.  Spurs will be hopeful of bettering Arsenal's result to pinch fourth place and the delicious Champions League football that comes with it.  Sunderland do not need to achieve anything following Wigan's midweek relegation but manager and horrible fascist (lest we forget) Paulo Di Canio might still have to prove to some supporters that he is the man to lead them next season.  Tickets are allegedly changing hands for thousands of pounds ahead of West Brom's tie against Man Utd.  This will of course be Sir Alex Ferguson's last game in charge and perhaps we should expect him to round off an illustrious career with a win.  The Baggies have also had a reasonable season and a point against the Champions would conclude things nicely.  Arsenal travel to Tyneside needing a win to secure fourth spot in the league but given the right results elsewhere, could force a 3rd/4th place play-off with Chelsea.  It is highly unlikely, however.  Newcastle will be relieved to find themselves safe having unexpectedly been dragged into a relegation fight towards the end of the season.  As with most teams at this stage of the season, they will no doubt still send out a strong starting line-up with instructions to win purely for the purposes of selling season tickets for next year.

Super Mega Awesome Grambler! accumulator

Game - Result - Odds

Chelsea vs Everton - Home win - 8/11

Liverpool vs QPR - Draw - 6/1

Man City vs Norwich - Home win - 1/3

Newcastle vs Arsenal - Draw - 18/5

Southampton vs Stoke - Away win - 4/1

Swansea vs Fulham - Home win - 4/5

Spurs vs Sunderland - Draw - 5/1

West Brom vs Man Utd - Away win - 5/6

West Ham vs Reading - Home win - 4/6

Wigan vs Aston Villa - Away win - 13/5

50p @ 44,048/1

Check out those odds!  I am genuinely excited by this bet!  It is so horrendously wrong that it has to be right!  What a perfect way to round of the season that would be too.  I can then sell my story to the Daily Record or some equally poor 'newspaper', write the Grambler book over the summer, start recording my Christmas single in Autumn and by the end of the year, an estimated £1.6 million will on it's way to the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research!  Not that I'm setting my hopes unreasonably high or anything...

We shall return next week for the final Grambler of the season, a Champions League special. And then, who knows...?

STOP PRESS!!!!
Exciting news as I have decided to add a Eurovision bet to this week's proceedings!  The Grambler has selected Russia, who this year shall be represented by Dina Garipova singing What If (which turns out not to be a Lightning Seeds cover).  I'm not sure about this choice... Russia were robbed last year as the singing grannies of Buranovskiye Babushki were by far the best act of the night but failed to take the gong, maybe this could be their year?  The Russian entry is 16/1 to win outright so I have bet a quid each way and any winnings will go to the usual charidee.  Here is Miss Garipova in action for those of you curious enough...

Week 35: Nation in shock as 71 year old retires!

We should get this over with quickly, nothing of note has happened in the past week football-wise...

Oh wait, some old geezer has decided it is time to retire and move into a new role as puppetmaster director and ambassador at Old Traffford.  Yes, the time has finally come for Sir Alex Ferguson to retire after 26 years and 38 trophies with Manchester United.  It is the end of an era as the manager many have hailed as the greatest of all time laves the dugout for the last time.  One has to admire his many achievements; the treble in 1999, his tactical nous, his handling of the media, his ability to spot raw talent...  But personally, I believe that his greatest moment was that time that he twatted David Beckham on the head with a football boot.

Fellow irate Scotsman and Everton manager David Moyes has been given the thankless task of replacing Ferguson.  Whilst most critics have agreed that this is a wise move, with the key motive of maintaining a formula that has provided years success and stability to the club, many United fans have been angered by the appointment.  But then again, most United fans I have ever met have been idiots...

Sad news elsewhere as Aston Villa captain Stillian Petrov has been forced to retire as he continues his battle against leukaemia.  He has decided to devote his time to setting up a foundation to help sufferers of the bastarding disease.  Yet further proof, as if it were needed, that cancer is a big hairy arse.  You should really donate some money to help the fight against said big hairy arse.  How about donating to the Bobby Moore Fund?  They seem nice.

Sadly, the end of the season is nigh...  Two rounds of games remain in the Premiership with the final Champions League place and relegation spot still to be filled.  Similarly, there are still two games to play in the SPL, with the mighty Motherwell one point away from securing second place.  In the lower leagues of England and Scotland, the play-offs are already well under-way; most notably one of Watford, Brighton, Crystal Palace or Leicester will earn a coveted place in the Premiership.  And Manchester City will face Wigan on Saturday in an FA Cup final which is surely a foregone conclusion...  I mean, there's just no way that City's attack are getting past Gary Caldwell!  So there are only about 20 Grambleable games to choose from this weekend, but we shall bravely Gramble on to the bitter end!  Two bets of three this week, plus an extra special FA Cup final bet which has been calculated in the most spectacular Grambler fashion yet!

Three game all-league accumulator

Game - result - odds

St Mirren vs Aberdeen - Home win - 9/5

Peterhead vs Queen's Park - Home win - 4/5 

Crystal Palace vs Brighton - Draw - 23/10

50p @ 16/1

Meanwhile, back where Alex Ferguson won his first silverware... St Mirren take on the sheep-fanciers of Aberdeen in a meaningless wind-down game.  Dundee's relegation last week confirmed the Buddies survival whilst the Dons have pretty much cemented 7th place in the SPL.  Staying in Scotland, Peterhead go into the second-leg of their play-off tie against Queen's Park with a 1-0 lead thanks to a stoppage time penalty on Wednesday night.  The Blue Toon also defeated the Spiders 3-0 in the final round of league ties so could make it three-in-a-row on Sunday.  On Friday night, Crystal Palace and Brighton square up in the first leg of their play-off tie.  Much is at stake with promotion worth an estimated £60 million to Championship promotees.  Palace have not appeared in the top-flight since 2005 but Brighton have yet to make a Premiership appearance.

Three game Premiership accumulator

Game - result - odds

Man Utd vs Swansea - Home win - 1/3

Stoke vs Tottenham - Away win - 10/11

Sunderland vs Southampton - 13/8

£1 @ 6/1

With the title already secured and Ferguson's imminent retirement, Man Utd fans will be turning out for a celebration rather than a competitive match on Sunday.  Likewise, Swansea will be celebrating another good year in the Premiership (along with League Cup triumph) so expect a party atmosphere and meaningless game at Old Trafford.  Stoke have slogged out the second half of the season and rumours abound that Tony Pullis will depart.  They may be out to prove a point in their final home game.  Tottenham continue to tussle with Arsenal for the sought-after final Champions League place and will see this as a must-win match.  Although Wigan look likely to join QPR and Reading in the Championship next season, there is still a chance either Sunderland or Southampton giving this game an air of a relegation battle. Both sides gambled by sacking their managers late in the season band it could pay off for either or both if they can avoid the dreaded drop.

Super extra special far-fetched and convoluted FA Cup bet

It would be a shame not to have a bet on the FA Cup final, but to choose either Manchester City or Wigan to win would be a) a tad boring and b) unlikely to win anything worthwhile.  So it made much more sense to enter the most complex formula into the Grambler spreadsheet of this season to come up with a prediction for an actual result and first goalscorer.  Obviously this is type of betting has not been outlined in the rules of The Grambler but then those of you who have been following may have noticed that I have changed the rules every couple of weeks anyway.  Also, it's Christmas so why not?  In the unlikely outcome that Manchester City and Wigan draw 1-1 with Pablo Zabaleta scoring the first goal, a cool £70 will be heading for the Bobby Moore Fund courtesy of a 50p bet with odds of 140/1.  How do you like them apples?

That is all from the penultimate Grambler of the season.  No go forth and celebrate.  Perhaps by buying several Grambler t-shirts (go on, you know you want one!)

Week 34: Gramblersaurus, raaaaaaaaaawwwwwr!

This week, one rather peckish fellow has dominated the footballing headlines as Luis Suarez decided that it was a good idea to have a mid-game snack consisting of Branislav Ivanovic's forearm.  Strangely, the FA felt that this feast did not quite adhere to the rules of the game and promptly whipped out a ten match ban for the Liverpool based cannibal.  Absolutely everyone has had an opinion on this episode, including our glorious leader David Cameron who is worried about the example that Suarez's behaviour is setting for our children.  It's almost as good an example as taking your offspring to the pub and then leaving them there, eh Davey?

Elsewhere, coupons across Europe were busted as every armchair fan's former favourites Barcelona and Real Madrid were soundly beaten by every armchair fan's new favourites Bayern Munich and Borrussia Dortmund respectively.  The first leg results from the Champions League semi-final would suggest we may be looking forward to an all-German final at Wembley come May but the Spanish giants could have an element of bouncebackability in the return legs.  Sadly for Dortmund, it looks like their team will be ripped apart by the richer vultures of European football over the summer meaning that they will be unable to build upon this season's success.  Munich are unlikely to be disappointed by this seeing as they were first in on the act, with the capture of Dortmund's £30 million striker Mario Götze.

And in the Europa League... Who am I kidding, no one cares.

Two bets for you this week; the traditionally useless 5 game accumulator and the always so close but no cigar Premiership accumulator.  I have ditched the goalscorer bet as it is flawed in so many ways.  If anyone would like to suggest an alternative bet to take it's place, feel free.  I was thinking of something along the lines of a £1 bet on what Neil Lennon will cry about this weekend...

Five game all-league accumulator
Game - Result - Odds
Everton vs Fulham - Home win - 4/9
Wolves vs Burnley - Home win - 5/4
Hibs vs St Mirren - Away win - 21/10
Shrewsbury vs Portsmouth - Home win - 6/4
Chelsea vs Swansea - Home win - 1/3
£1 @ 33/1

At first glance, that is not too ridiculous a bet.  Two Premiership games in which The Grambler has selected the home sides and favourites to win.  In both cases, they could be considered must win games with a Europa League place up for grabs for Everton and third place within Chelsea's grasp.  In the Championship, Wolves are desperately trying to claw their way out of the relegation zone and this is their last home game of the campaign so again I get to use the very much overused phrase 'must win.'  Portsmouth have had a good week by their standards, having emerged from administration, agreed a fan's takeover and appointed Guy Whittingham as boss.  But Pompey are already relegated and with little to play for, along with Shrewsbury's recent good form, defeat may be likely.  And in the SPL, two teams who have had mixed seasons meet at Easter Road.  Home-side Hibs are due to play Celtic in the Scottish Cup final in May but find themselves 9th in the league.  St Mirren won the League Cup in March but are second bottom of the SPL.  Both teams evidently have moments of good play but can also be very poor so this game could go either way.


Three game Premiership accumulator 
Game - Result - Odds
Newcastle vs Liverpool - Home win - 15/8
Man City vs West Ham - Home win - 1/4
Aston Villa vs Sunderland - Home win - 5/4
£1 @ 7/1

In what looks like a fix, it's all home wins in this week's Premiership bet.  But home advantage is not everything, otherwise this betting lark would be a whole lot easier.  Newcastle set a high standard last season, playing some decent football and surpassing everyone's expectations with a 5th place finish.  However, Alan Pardew's side have struggled replicate their form this season and despite the odd good result, have been dragged into the relegation fight.  Liverpool are another team who have failed to live up to expectations.  Currently 7th in the league and now without suspended leading scorer and aforementioned bitey-person Luis Suarez, they may struggle to finish the campaign on a high note.  Manchester City have just handed the Premiership trophy back to their rivals from across the City and the talk of which multi-million pound signings they will be making this pre-season has begun.  Second place is pretty much safe for City but speculation surrounds the future of many players who will surely be keen to prove that they are worthy of another season at the club.  West Ham have had a better season than many would have expected and are currently 10th having gone 5 games unbeaten.  They also had a nice bonus recently after it was confirmed that the taxpayers of this country, allegedly a bit skint and in a double-dip recession, are buying them a new stadium.  Which is nice of us all!  Aston Villa and Sunderland square up in a relegation dogfight (why is it always dogs?  Why not giraffes?), with the home side having suffered yet another poor season.  At least they didn't do so with Alex McLeish at the helm this time though.  Meanwhile, Sunderland fans have already forgotten that their new manager is a horrible fascist after he won a few games, including thrashing much-hated rivals Newcastle on their own patch.  How fickle football fans can be!  Should he keep up the good start, the Black Cats could well be safe come the end of the weekend.  

An agreeable sum of £40 is on offer this week should The Grambler correctly predict all eight results.  As always, any winnings shall go to the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research.  Should you wish to play along at home, press the red button now......

Week 33: Nooooo, not Rolf!

They say that a lot can happen in a week of football.  This week virtually nothing happened and a man punched a horse.  That is this week's summary for you.

Here are the bets...

Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game - Result - Odds
Hamilton vs Raith - Home win - 5/4
Aldershot vs Dag & Red - Away win - 14/5
Queen's Park vs East Stirling - Home win - 2/7
Norwich vs Reading - Draw - 11/4
Liverpool vs Chelsea - Home win - 23/20
50p @ 88/1


Three game Premiership accumulator
Game - Result - Odds
QPR vs Stoke - Home win - 6/5
Sunderland vs Everton - Home win -9/4
Swansea vs Southampton - Home win - 13/10
50p @ 15/1


Three player anytime goalscorer accumulator
Player - Game - Odds
Olivier Giroud -Fulham vs Arsenal - 5/4
Sergio Aguero - Tottenham vs Man City - 8/5 
Juan Mata - Liverpool vs Chelsea - 5/2
50p @20/1

To save you the effort of dusting off the ol' calculator, I can confirm that the potential winnings of this week's bets combined are a humongous... £61.50!!!  As always, any winnings shall be donated to the good folks at the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research, for cancer is a half-witted rapscallion and should be stopped.  Grambling is the only way!

Week 32: Teri Hatcher's dead!?

Okay, so the whole horse racing thing didn't work out too well.  After a short trip to the dog food factory, I'm willing to put that all behind us and from now on stick to Buckaroo when I'm in the mood for horsing around.  And so we return to what we know best this week... Football!*  And by 'know best', I clearly mean what we know very little about but Google thankfully fills in the blanks.  

*Although I am tempted to put some money on the French to win the real -life Quidditch World Cup...

A week of Champions League excitement saw Borussia Dortmund leave it late to beat a spunky Malaga side, Galatasaray give Real Madrid a run for their money and an injured Leo Messi still managing to make the difference against PSG, setting up the goal to see them through to the semi-finals.  Another league manager was carelessly tossed onto the scrapheap as Sheffield United parted ways with 1980s Scottish pop-rock group Danny Wilson.  The incredibly unlikeable Neil Warnock has already emerged as a contender for the vacancy.  And the Daily Mail started a campaign to have a minute silence at each weekend game to mark the death of Big Mags Thatcher, apparently oblivious to the fact that a large proportion of the country were less than enamoured to her.  Because obviously any attempt to have a minute silence in the name of Thatcher would end well, wouldn't it?  It's almost as if they want to anger people and have them boo their way through a minute's tribute in order to whip up a frenzy and feed off the outrage...  Oh wait, it's the Daily Mail.  That's exactly what they want.

And on that note, we move onto this weekend's football.  The Tyne-and-Wear derby could be the pick of the Premiership games, although the prospect of Southampton vs West Ham is tremendously exciting... Chelsea and Man City square-off for a place in the FA Cup final whilst in the other semi-final, Wigan and Millwall will compete in a half-empty Wembley...  And in Scotland, Hibs play Falkirk and Dundee United face Celtic for a place in the Scottish Cup Final.  But what does The Grambler have to say about it all?  Well, this:

Five game accumulator from all leagues

Game - Result - Odds

Newcastle vs Sunderland - Home win - 19/20

Stevenage vs Yeovil - Draw - 12/5

Dag & Red vs Oxford Utd - Home win - 6/5

Leeds vs Sheff Wed - Away win - 21/10

Wolves vs Huddersfield - Home win - 11/10

50p @ 94/1

Three game accumulator from the Premiership and FA Cup

Game - Result - Odds

Stoke vs Man Utd - Away win - 4/7

Chelsea vs Man City - Home win* - 21/10

Southampton vs West Ham - Home win - 17/20

£1 @ 8/1

*Obviously not actually a home game.  Result is after 90 minutes.

Three player any-time goalscorer accumulator

Player - Game - Odds

Theo Walcott - Arsenal vs Norwich - 10/11

Wayne Rooney - Stoke vs Man Utd - 6/4

Christian Benteke - Aston Villa vs Fulham - 11/10

50p @ 8/1

And that's yer lot for today.  In the unlikely scenario that all predictions are correct, we will be handing over a whopping £54 to the Bobby Moore Fund.  In the more likely scenario that none are correct, we will be handing over a pitiful £0.  

Don't drink and Gramble.

Week 31: Now featuring horses!

Yes, you read that right... HORSES!  It's the Grand National weekend and whilst I couldn't normally care less about horse racing (it's pretty cruel to be honest), I seem to have a habit of picking a winning overgrown donkey each year.  But what sayeth The Grambler?  He/She/It has already proved him/her/it-self to be incapable of selecting winning football results, but how about winning horses?  So this week, we will have one five game accumulator from the football leagues and one horse flavoured bet from the Grand National.  I can't lose!  Unless I do, in which case I can.

On the football front, it has been another eventful week...  Stealing the headlines was horrible fascist Paulo Di Canio who has finally been criticised for being a horrible fascist.  Strangely, this was rarely mentioned during his playing days or management of Swindon but suddenly everyone has an opinion on it.  I would just like to point out that The Grambler first lambasted Di Canio for being a horrible fascist back in October and therefore everyone else is plagiarising.  I shall see you in court!  Whilst one irritable cretin gained a job, another lost one as Neil Warnock was sacked by Leeds.  Quite how so many managers are given one job after another for being atrocious (and making millions whilst there at it) is beyond me.  Warnock is said to be taking time out to promote his book.  Why on earth does Neil Warnock have a book deal?  What is wrong with the world?  Elsewhere, the Champions League provided some cracking goals and enjoyable games despite NOT ONE ENGLISH TEAM BEING IN IT!!!!  The media were left shocked that the likes of Barcelona, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich were able to produce watchable football without the involvement of the Greatest League in the World (TM).  Thankfully, David Beckham made an appearance for PSG to make life worth living again.  Adrian Chiles reckoned Barcelona did not win because they were starstruck in D-Becks' presence.  Adrian Chiles is a tool.

Five game accumulator from all leagues

Game - Result - Odds

Walsall vs Sheffield Utd - Home win - 17/10

Dundee Utd vs Aberdeen - Draw - 9/4

MK Dons vs Crawley - Home win - 10/11

Clyde vs Berwick - Draw - 5/2

Birmingham vs Millwall - Away win - 11/5

£1 @ 187/1

Another super-exciting bet this week, it's no wonder we're switching sports!  Four points separate Walsall and Sheffield Utd but the Blades have three games in hand over most of their League 1 rivals.  A 4-0 win over cash-strapped Coventry last week will have given the home-side confidence.  Dundee Utd play host to Aberdeen with both teams chasing a top 6 finish.  Craig Brown will take charge of the Dons for the last time in this clash, with Derek McInnes due to take up the reins.  The outgoing manager has claimed that he has 'left a legacy' for the new boss.  He really is full of shit.  Another close tie in League 1 as there are three points between MK Dons and Crawley.  Both could be outside bets for a play-off spot, but Dons boss Karl Robinson could be Championship bound anyway after being linked with the vacancy at Leeds.  Clyde have little left to play for this season, sitting five points clear of the bottom but ten points from the play-off spots.  However, Berwick are just one point from fourth place and will be eyeing the chance of promotion.  Birmingham and Millwall take on each other in probably the most pointless game of this week's bet.  Sitting 11th and 15th respectively, neither are in threat of relegation or challenging for promotion.  Both teams are in similar form so this one could go either way.  Not the most exciting bet this week but at least the odds are good.  

A huge 187 smackers will be heading for the Bobby Moore Fund should a miracle happen and The Grambler actually predicts more than two correct results.

Grand National 2013

Horse - Odds

Chicago Grey - 12/1 @ 50p EW

What A Friend - 50/1 @ 50p EW

Mumbles Head - 100/1 @ 50p EW

My immense knowledge of horse racing normally amounts to picking horses based purely on the name.  So for my in-depth analysis, each horses chances of winning are based purely on how good their moniker is...  First up, Chicago Grey; the odds are pretty good for this one and at present it is 5th favourite to win.  Chicago is an incredibly nice city, proving that this horse surely has a great chance of winning.  However, grey is quite a dull colour so it will definitely come second.  Makes sense, no?  What A Friend is a bit of an outsider but must surely stand a chance with such a happy name.  I imagine that his racing abilities are limited but he gets along ridiculously well with every other horse and always shares his sweets, there is not an enemy amongst them.  On this basis, the other horses might let him win just to be nice.  At 100/1, Mumbles Head doesn't stand a chance.  And no wonder with a name like that!  Conjuring images of a confused and lonely old man, potentially and alcoholic, this horse is inevitably bullied by many of the other horses.  Not by What A Friend though, he's too nice.

John McCririck eat your heart out!  No seriously, please do.  Live on TV.  Actually, I'm going to find out what the odds on that happening are...

Week 30: Happy Jesus' death day!

Glad to be back to good ol' league football after an international break which proved devastating for both the Grambler's bets and my faith in the Scotland national team.  Wins for Holland and the mighty Uzbekistan on Tuesday gave us a grand total of two out of five correct predictions which the chairman has deemed 'not good enough.'  The newspapers were full of talk of The Grambler's imminent sacking on Wednesday morning but after crunch talks with the board, he/she/it has been given a vote of confidence, but been warned that results must change before the end of the season.  There will be a great deal of pressure on all staff at Grambler Park this week and some good predictions will be expected to alleviate shareholders and fans alike.

Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game - Result - Odds
Swansea vs Tottenham - Draw - 2/5
Aberdeen vs Hearts - Home win - 7/5
Preston vs Portsmouth - Home win - 4/6
Ipswich vs Leeds - Home win - 23/20
Queen of the South vs Brechin - Home win - 4/11
50p @ 39/1

With Tottenham looking to seize 4th place from rivals Chelsea, a trip to Swansea may appear daunting.  The League cup winners may be back in 9th place but their home form has been impressive this season.  Swansea manager Michael Laudrup has warned Spurs that they could suffer from the 'FIFA virus'; an illness comparable to chlamydia whereby a one-night stand with international football leaves one unable to perform.  Aberdeen have finally moved Granpaw Broon into a granny flat beside Pittodrie and appointed former St Johnstone boss Derek McInnes, breaking a club tradition of only stealing Motherwell managers.  The Dons sit 9th in the SPL, although the fans still reckon that it's 1989 and they're challenging for the title.  Hearts have already been through their annual managerial turmoil, replacing John McGlynn with Gary Locke who will inevitably be sacked at the end of the season anyway.  Preston boss Simon Grayson has pretty much written off this season but claims that the foundations are in place for a promotion push next year.  He has overseen just one win in six games since taking over.  Portsmouth look likely to continue their unstoppable slide down the leagues with relegation to League Two this year.  It's almost like spending beyond their means in the Premiership leading to financial instability and seasons of poor performances on the pitch was a bad idea.  Who was manager then again?  Oh yeah, 'Sir' Harry Redknapp...  Since taking over as Ipswich gaffer earlier in the season, Mick McCarthy has taken his side from bottom to something resembling safety.  However, the Tractorboys have the lowest number of goals for in the Championship.  And the worst nickname.  Neil Warnock has said that if Leeds fail to gain promotion to the Premiership this season, he will leave the club.  Currently 10th, a play-off spot is not mathematically impossible but with 2 wins in the past 10 games, he'd best start packing his  bags.

Three game accumulator from the Premiership
Game - Result - Odds
Wigan vs Norwich - Home win - 10/11
Southampton vs Chelsea - Home win - 5/8
Everton vs Stoke - Draw - 11/4
50p @ 24/1

Wigan have reached that point in the season where they occasionally remember to win some games but they are still in the relegation zone.  Roberto Martinez expects his team to attack and be aggressive in their fight for survival.  Apparently Callum McManaman took this too literally...  Norwich have had a good season, although with probably a few more draws than they would like.  They have already started planning for next season by bolstering their attack with a club-record signing of the man with the greatest name in world football; Ricky van Wolfswinkel!  Just months ago, Southampton looked like they were already doomed.  But the appointment of Mauricio Pochettino may prove to be a shrewd one with the Saints joint on points with Sunderland in 15th.  Pochettino's only 2 wins have come against Manchester City and Liverpool, so Chelsea might not seem so daunting to him.  The Blues have moved past Spurs to 3rd in the Premiership and Rafa Benitez will be looking to hold onto this position, lest the Chelsea fans somehow turn against him even more.  The reverse fixture ended in a 2-2 draw back in January, and this proved to be the final nail in the coffin for Nigel Adkins.  Everton will once again be aiming to finish ahead of their noisy neighbours this season and so far lead the way with a 3 point advantage as well as a game in hand.  They were surprise victors against Manchester City prior to the international break and will hope that this form will not have been disturbed by the interval.  Stoke look set to end the season with their usual mid-table finish having gained no new fans as a result of their style of football.  But on a positive note, they will no longer be lumbered with the waste of space, self publicising, deluded, former footballer Michael Owen.

Three goalscorer accumulator
Scorer - Match - Odds
Michu - Swansea vs Tottenham - 8/5
Dimitar Berbatov - Fulham vs QPR - 10/11
Edin Dzeko - Manchester City vs Newcastle - 20/21
50p @ 9/1

Michu will undoubtedly go down as the find of the season having cost Michael Laudrup just £2 million and going on to score 15 league goals already this season.  Spurs kept a clean-sheet against Swansea back in December and will be aiming to keep Michu quiet once again.  Berbatov has been a pleasure to watch in the Premiership for the past 7 seasons with some memorable goals.  He is Fulham's top scorer this season with 11 but was not on the scoresheet when QPR defeated Fulham 2-1 earlier in the season.  Dzeko is perhaps the one of the most under-appreciated players at Manchester City with rumours constantly abound that the Bosnian striker will be sold off at the end of the season.  With 12 league goals this season, he is City's top scorer.  However, Roberto Mancini may not start with the striker following his international involvement during the week.

And that's yer lot!  Three relatively plausible bets to follow this weekend which could bring in a massive £36 for the Bobby Moore Fund.  And as always, remember; if you are Grambling under the age of 12, make sure you do so with the help of a responsible adult.

Week 29.5: Down with this sort of thing!

The Grambler's weekend international bet did not go too well.  In fact, it is fair to say that it was utter pish...  Only two of the five predictions were correct as a bet which looked reasonable on paper was a disaster in reality.  On top of that, we may have set a new record for losing an accumulator at the earliest possible time, with Portugal's failure to win meaning that the bet was void by about 2.30 on Friday afternoon.

We had slightly better luck with the domestic bet.  One game was off due to the weather which is slowly throwing the entire country into meltdown, meaning that we only had to get four right to win a (reduced) total of £25.  And who managed to blow it?  The one team on the coupon that everyone would have expected to win, The Rangers Franchise FC!  Not even the dangling carrot of winning the Third Division title was enough to help them and their overpaid 'stars' to overcome Stirling Albion at Ibrox.  And yet Charles Green still thinks they belong in the Premiership...  They are now on my list of enemies.

Anyway, since there is a decent number of competitive international games taking place tonight, it would only be right to get some Grambling on the go.  Sticking with a five game accumulator picked at random for this one, and here are the results...

Game 1: Holland vs Romania
Prediction: Home win
Holland are the only team in Europe to have a 100% record in this round of qualifiers, having played five and won five.  They do tend to have a habit of playing well in the qualifying rounds but then failing to perform when the actual tournaments come around though.  With the Netherlands expected to win  Group D, the play-off place is pretty open with Romania and Hungary joint on 10 points and Turkey not far behind.  Romania have won three of their qualifiers to date, including a 1-0 win away to Turkey.  A 2-2 draw at Hungary on Friday was made all the more impressive by the fact that old, old man and former coke addict Adrian Mutu scored.  As the only striker in the squad to have scored more than 3 goals in their international career, the Romanians may be relying on him for a while longer if they are to qualify for the World Cup.  The teams met at Bucharest back in October and the Oranje left with a deserved 4-1 victory.
Odds on this result: 1/3

Game 2: Turkey vs Hungary
Prediction: Home win
Sticking with Group D, Turkey take on Hungary knowing that they must win to stay in contention for second place.  Victory this evening could take them to within a point of a the play-off spot but defeat will leave them seven points from opponents Hungary.  A 2-0 win at Andorra on Friday was a good warm-up for the Turks.  Hungary, twice runners-up in the World Cup, have not qualified since 1986 but will be looking to rectify this following a good start to this campaign.  They have already defeated Turkey 3-1 back in October on home soil and a win tonight will leave them vying with Romania for the play-offs (or for first place if they feel particularly ambitious).  Veteran Gabor Kiraly suggested that their team team spirit and mentality are second to none; "Our team spirit and mentality are second to none", he said.
Odds on this result: 7/10

Game 3: Serbia vs Scotland
Result: Draw
Oh dear... Having watched playing on Friday night, it is fair to say that anything bar 'Scotland to lose' is a bad bet.  Gordon Strachan insists that he wants his players to raise their game after the defeat to Wales, which really shouldn't be too hard after that performance.  Hopefully, Strachan will be the Scotland manager to finally realise that Kenny Miller upfront alone is no longer an option.  The current qualifying campaign is essentially a write-off with the new challenge being 'don't finish bottom and find a settled, young team with good spirit in time for the Euro 2016 qualifiers.  Christ, supporting Scotland is depressing!  Serbia have as little chance of qualifying for the World Cup as Scotland but have at least won a game, a 6-1 thrashing of Wales meaning that they have double the points tally of the Scots.  The teams played out a goalless draw back in September at Hampden and both will be looking to restore some pride after a string of defeats.  
Odds on this result: 3/1

Game 4: Northern Ireland vs Israel
Prediction: Home win
Surprisingly, Northern Ireland have only lost one game in this campaign.  They have drawn three and had one game called off, but still to make it to round 6 of games and only lost once is quite an achievement.  The cancelled game against Russia on Friday will not have been ideal preparation for Michael O'Neill's side as they look to keep the gap between themselves and the three potentially qualifying teams respectable.  A 1-1 draw way to Portugal in September will have given N'ireland belief that they can hold their own against anyone in the group.  Israel can also claim a draw with the Portuguese amongst their good results following their 3-3 match on Friday.  Two victories over bottom placed Luxembourg have left the Israelites second, ahead of Portugal on goal difference.  It is still unlikely, but it would be ridiculously entertaining to see how FIFA would handle the inevitable political shit-storm if Israel were to qualify for the World Cup.   
Odds on this result: 9/4

Game 5: Uzbekistan vs Lebanon
Prediction: Home win
Probably the highlight of this week's selection and I think we will all agree that Lebanon don't a chance.  Mon the Uzbekistan!  It would appear that, since I put this bet on this morning and am only now getting round to writing this now, Uzbekistan have already won this match 1-0!  Hooray!  So that's one down and four to go, I can already smell victory!
Odds on this result: 3/10


Which gives us odds of 38/1 for this midweek international bonanza!  Just think of what you could buy with all of that money!  Three official Grambler t-shirts...  Two official Grambler t-shirts and a couple of nice Easter eggs...  One official Grambler t-shirt and four nice Easter eggs...  That's about it really.

Anyway, fingers crossed for a better performance than the weekend's.  Back to business at the weekend with the return of league football.  

In the meantime, if you would like information about our new Grambler's Anonymous helpline, please click here.

Week 29: Why didn't Dan Petrescu ever present Pet Rescue?

Shall we get the ball rolling by reviewing last week's performance?  It was utter bollocks.

With that out of the way, we can look forward to this weekend's footballering action.  And it's an exciting one as international football makes a welcome return!  The game everyone is talking about, of course, is Scotland vs Wales.  And the question on everyone's lips is will Gareth Bale play?  Or will Wales have to actually rely on other players and win without the assistance of a penalty won by a blatant dive from a simian lookalike twat?  Elsewhere, the media would have us believe that England's qualification chances are in TURMOIL as a 34 year old defender who hasn't represented his national team for two years opted not to play against a team who have managed one solitary win in their history.  It's a SHAMBLES!  And to complete the home nations round-up, Northern Ireland are probably going to lose to Russia.

Whilst all of this super-exciting international football is taking the place, the lower leagues are still in action.  So we shall have a five game coupon for both the World Cup qualifiers and the remainder of domestic action this weekend.  And might I remind you that The Grambler's biggest victory to date came on an international weekend back in October?  Fingers crossed for more of the same!

International Bet
Game - Result - Odds
Croatia vs Serbia - Home win - 8/11
Norway vs Albania - Home win - 9/20
Liechtenstein vs Latvia - Draw - 11/4
Israel vs Portugal - Away win - 11/20
Luxembourg vs Azerbaijan - Away win - 6/5
£1 @ 31/1

Four reasonable picks in there, one would think that Croatia, Norway and Portugal will be victorious in their games.  Azerbaijan deserve to win because their name rolls of the tongue so nicely...  Not too sure about Liechtenstein to draw but stranger things have happened at sea.  Latvia won 2-0 in the reverse fixture but with home advantage, the 'Steinies could possibly sneak a draw.

Domestic Bet
Game - Result - Odds
Rangers vs Stirling - Home win - 1/10
Arbroath vs Stenhousemuir - Home win - Evens
Northampton vs Oxford - Home win - 23/20
Torquay vs York - Home win - 7/5
Swindon vs Notts County - Draw - 3/1
£1 @85/1

Starting at Ibrox with Rangers Franchise # FC, the home side all but have the Third Division sewn up.  A win tomorrow could put them 23 points clear at the top.  Up one division, Arbroath have not won against Stenhousemuir in the past 5 years.  They are currently 3 points ahead in Division Two.  In the first of two games in League Two, Northampton take on Oxford whom they defeated twice last season.  The reverse fixture this season ended in a 1-1 draw.  Meanwhile, Torquay host York.  The Gulls have lost their past 4 but have already beaten their opponents 2-0 this season.  In League One, one would expect Swindon to defeat Notts County but the Robins have drawn 3 of their last 5 home games whilst the Magpies have drawn 3 of their last 5 away.  I like to think that means something.

Overall, not too bad a bet with good odds.  Portugal have already screwed up the international bet by drawing 3-3 in Israel so all hope rests upon this domestic accumulator.  I am 63% confident of a win.  So basically, not very confident.

Happy Grambling! 

Week 28: All hail Pope Franny Jeffers the First!

Ah, the excitement of Grambling!  Or it is slightly more exciting anyway, thanks to the New! Improved flavour! Grambler.  Last weekend saw us reach half past 5 in the afternoon with two bets still in with a chance of winning...  That,s right, TWO BETS!!! And in a somewhat strange twist of events... One of them actually won!  Granted, it was only £4.50 (damn you Edin Dzeko, you were supposed to score!) but every little helps as we attempt to bring down the bastarding super-villain better known as El Cancero.  With that win, The Grambler (with help from The Grasmblerzhgi) has raised £88.53 for the Bobby Moore Fund for Bowel Cancer Research.  Hooray!

It makes sense to stick the format which brought mild success last week so we have a further three bets to enjoy this weekend.  If you don't want to know the full-time scores, look away now:

Bet 1: Five game accumulator from all leagues

Game - Result - Odds

Celtic vs Aberdeen - Home win - 1/4

Annan vs Clyde - Home win - 4/5

Coventry vs Hartlepool - Home win - 8/11

MK Dons vs Tranmere - Draw - 9/4

Forfar vs Stenhousemuir - Away win - 23/10

50p @ 41/1

"It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes..."   So sang William Hague, or some other person; I'm not really sure.  Such is the excitement of this week's opening bet.  Can ya feel it!?  No?  Ok , it is slightly dull and for some reason, Coventry keep appearing - perhaps taking all of their turns whilst the club still exists?  There is a potential slip-up for SPL leaders Celtic as Aberdeen travel South... Annan vs Clyde sounds more like a case being dragged through the civil law courts...  Tranmere will still be hopeful of topping League One and a win in Milton Keynes could move them to second spot...  And Stenhousemuir are just not going to beat Forfar but will enjoy the trip and have the chance to stop for some bridies on the way home.

Bet 2: Three game accumulator from the Premiership

Game - Result - Odds

Tottenham vs Fulham - Home win - 4/9

Aston Villa vs QPR - Draw - 12/5

Man Utd vs Reading - Home win - 1/7

£1 @ 4.6/1

In this weekend's actually interesting bet, the odds are low but the chances of winning are (hopefully) high.  We start at White Hart Lane where Spurs take on Fulham.  Spurs are one of the top teams on form in the Premiership right now but a loss to Liverpool last weekend prevented them from cementing their stranglehold on third place.  Speaking of form, Aston Villa are a bit crap.  The gamble of bringing in Paul Lambert as manager has not quite paid off, but the fans don't mind because he's not Alex McLeish.  Speaking of managers, QPR's Harry Redknapp... Actually, I'm not going to bother.  In other QPR news, on-loan Spurs winger Andros Townsend this week admitted that he's not Gareth Bale, ending month's of speculation.  And a formality to round things off as champions-elect Man Utd take on managerless relegation-fodder Reading.  And according to one journalist, Brian McDermott got the sack because owner Anton Zingarevic didn't find him sexy enough.  Paulo di Canio seems to have emerged as a frontrunner for the vacancy; a folk- hero loved by the people for his crazy antics.  Like being a horrible, violent, self-professed fascist.  Ah crazy Paulo, what will he do next?

Bet 3: Three goalscorer 'anytime' accumulator

Scorer - Game - Odds

Wayne Rooney - Man Utd vs Reading - 1/2

Santi Cazorla - Swansea vs Arsenal - 9/4

Shane Long - Stoke vs West Brom - 9/4

50p @ 15/1

This week's 'anytime goalscorer' bet kicks off with a man who has been in the news a lot recently.  Sir Alex Ferguson this week assured the fans that Wayne Rooney would not be sold at the end of the season, which in Sir's terms generally means he's going to sell him at the end of the season.  Rooney is getting slower, fatter, balder and uglier (wasn't that a Daft Punk song?), but PSG have been linked with a big-money move for the man who can still score plenty of goals.  Santi Cazorla has been one of the brighter points of Arsenal's season as they have crashed out of competition after competition.  Following their narrow failure to survive in the Champions League this week, Arsene Wenger will be expecting a positive reaction.  Can Cazorla assist with a goal?  All signs point to maybe... And finally, Shane Long has already provided West Brom with a respectable six goals this season.  But unfortunately for him, the only reason anyone remembers his name is because he has partenered Simon Cox for club and country.  Making a strike duo of Long - Cox.  Fnar fnar!

A humongous total of £50 is up for grabs this week as The Grambler promises all of the excitement of an episode of Fun House, but without the fun house.  Or the mullet.  Or the go-karts.  Or the twins.  Or the chance to win a fleece.  There is actually very little by way of comparison now that I think about it...

Week 27: Vote Grambler for President of Venezuela!

Still buzzing from the success of The Gramblerzghi last weekend, I have become all the more determined to win some bets and send the proceeds over to the Bobby Moore Fund to assist in the war against bowel cancer; a war which has raged on for 87 years during which time a number of frankly unspeakable war crimes have been committed.

This determination has brought a massive realisation during a brief moment of clarity. In the old format, I did not win very much. With that in mind, famous popular music singer David Bowie has announced "The Grambler is ch-ch-ch-changing.". Poor old guy never did get round to working on that stutter...

So instead of one highly unlikely bet, we now have one highly unlikely bet plus two potential (but unlikely) winners.  The odds on the second and third bets are rather low but any winnings are good winnings.  So without much Freddy Adu, I present to you the all new Grambler (which I'll probably only stick with for one week before becoming lazy and complacent.)

Bet 1: Five game accumulator from all leagues
Game, Result, Odds
Stranraer vs Albion Rovers, Home win, 7/10
Scunthorpe vs Coventry, Home win, 2/1
Peterborough vs Ipswich, Away win, 2/1
Birmingham vs Derby, Home win, 13/8
St Johnstone vs Kilmarnock, Home win, 10/11
50p @ 76/1

Bet the first is pretty much the same as the usual farfetched Grambler bet.  Once again, a win looks unlikely here... Perhaps 3 out of the 5 will come out correct.  However, whilst said scenario is possibly the best outcome, them pets don't win prizes as Dale Winton used to say... Actually, I'm not sure that he ever did say that.  I was about to Tweet him and ask but the only accounts for him seem to be fake. So I tweeted original PWP host Danny Baker instead.  


Bet 2: Three game accumulator from the Premiership
Game, Result, Odds
Man City vs Barnsley, Home win, 1/7
West Brom vs Swansea, Home win, 29/20
Norwich vs Southampton, Draw, 12/5
50p @ 9/1

Our second bet aims to make The Grambler a touch more exciting by focusing purely on the Bestest League in the World.  For most people, the Premiership represents more exciting football than Torquay vs Accrington Stanley.  So by placing a bet only on Premiership games, the weekend may not be ruined even though the early kick off League Two game has already lost the main bet.  The FA Cup includes many top tier teams this weekend so these games have been included, hence the presence of Barnsley. The bet is not too shabby; Man City are the clear favourites in their match, West Brom have tremendous home form behind them and both Norwich and Southampton are prone to draws.  I should really have included a joke about Tevez putting City in the driving seat just there...

Bet 3: Three man anytime goalscorer accumulator from the Premiership
Player, Odds
Romelu Lukaku, 6/5
Edin Dzeko, 8/13
Steven Fletcher, 6/4
50p @ 8/1

Mixing things up a little, we have a goalscorer bet for the first time ever.  This is a historical moment, perhaps on as par with the moment that the Pope assassinated Trotsky on the moon.  Picked via random number generator from a list of all Premiership players to have scored 5 or more goals this season, the results are interesting.  West Brom's on-loan Lukaku has been in good form recently, whilst Dzeko can be good for a goal if Man City are in control...  The main problem is that he may not start.  Finally, Sunderland's Steve Fletcher has 10 goals thus far, most of which have come at home.  Unfortunately they are away to Ol' Melty Face Redknapp's QPR this afternoon.  Still, this bet may just make this afternoon's Grambling that little bit more enthralling.


A massive total of £48.50 up for grabs today from a £1.50 bet.  Should this format come anywhere close to success I'll be sticking to it.  Otherwise, I'll be doing a Cardinal Keith and pretending that this never happened...

Happy Gramblin!